Chapter Forty
'Halt came back from the boat ride completely soaked through. Ferris was in the best mood I had ever seen him, probably due to Halt's embarrassment at falling overboard. Halt though was very withdrawn, more so than usual. He said almost nothing all the way through dinner and the little he did say had absolutely nothing to do with the boat trip, although Ferris did claim that they were going to try again next week. Caitlyn looked relieved until he said that.
Why do I feel like I'm missing something?'
'I…I'm in shock. I don't know what to say.
Of all the things I thought Halt might tell me when I confronted him about everything, this was the last thing I ever expected!
Ferris tried to kill Halt! On the boating trip yesterday! He actually tried to kill his own brother! I never thought that someone could be so horrible…so heartless.
Halt is the worst I have ever seen him. He's lost faith in his brother, his own twin. I can't even imagine how betrayed he must be feeling, what he must be thinking. They've been together since before birth and now…
I asked Halt why he didn't tell anyone about the assassination attempt. That's when he gave me the full story. It apparently wasn't the first attempt.
The first was a little over two years ago, just after our engagement was finalized. When they got back to the castle, Ferris pushed him down steep tower stairs, claiming it was an accident. Six months after that he almost got run over by a 'wild' horse. Ferris has been trying to kill him for a long time, jealous that Halt was lucky enough to be born first and got to be king. All he wants is the throne.
Apparently Cailtyn saw Ferris near the stables the day Halt almost got run over. It wasn't actual proof, but it explains why she's so scared of him. She told Halt and he has been keeping an eye on Ferris since then. He didn't want to believe that his brother was actually trying to kill him.
The falling roof tile, the enraged sword fight, the plate of shrimp, it all makes sense now. Ferris was growing desperate as the wedding grew closer. He didn't want to risk Halt and I having an heir, someone else who could stop him from taking the throne.
That's why he invited both of us on the boat ride, he wanted to kill us both! I hate that man, I hate him! How someone could be willing to kill his own family for something as stupid as a crown. I have half a mind to go to Ferris right now and throw him back in that damn moat! That is exactly where scum like him belongs!
Halt says that he fought Ferris at the river after Ferris tried to drown him. He says that if it was just him then he would've run, let Ferris be king. Halt never wanted the job anyway.
But he remembered that Ferris had wanted, tried, to kill me too. That stopped him from running. Ferris was apparently threatening me at the river, saying that if Halt didn't give up the throne willingly, that he would kill me. Neither of us doubt him. If he was willing to kill his own brother, the man is twisted enough to do anything and Halt wasn't willing to put me at risk.
He made a deal with Ferris. Halt said that he could have the throne, that Halt and I would leave the kingdom, never coming back, as long as Ferris wouldn't hurt anyone else. That Caitlyn and their parents would be safe.
It was a stupid deal for Ferris to take. Now that they are back at the castle there is nothing stopping us from having him arrested, deal be damned. He would be put to death for treason and attempted assassination.
But Halt…he's never killed anyone. Neither have I. It's common for royalty to have blood on their hands, but for the first blood on ours to be our brother's? I'm not sure either of us could live with ourselves.
Besides, Halt is miserable here in the castle. He may never say it out loud, but he wants to take the deal, to run away and not be king. That's what would make him truly happy. He all but begged me to run away with him. I couldn't say no.
My parents died with the hope and dream that I would one day be queen, but how can I be queen knowing that my husband is completely miserable? There's no way I can curse the man I love to a life he hates, not after everything he's done for me.
Hopefully Mother and Father can forgive me.'
'The plan is in place. We are going to go on another boating trip with Ferris tomorrow where we will 'drown'. The story Ferris will tell everyone is that Halt fell in again, due to his motion sickness. I tried to help him, but we both got pulled under by the current. Ferris tried his best to help us, but was too late.
Halt has a bag packed with food and supplies. I'll be carrying our traveling clothes as we can't leave the castle in them without drawing attention. I'm also bringing my journals, jewelry box, and wedding dress. Halt is hiding all of the supplies in the boat tonight so that we won't be getting any unwanted attention tomorrow.
I can't leave my journals behind, if someone were to find and read them then the entire plan would be ruined. As for my jewelry, Halt can only take so much money from the treasury before it becomes suspicious. Hopefully his funds can buy us passage out of the kingdom, then we can sell my jewels and have enough to live off of. It is the same reason why I am taking my wedding dress and wearing one of my more extravagant gowns when leaving tomorrow.
Some of these gems have been in my family for generations. Halt hates that I have to give some of them up. Nobody should notice my things missing for a few days and hopefully by then, they'll just assume a thief took advantage of my 'death'. It's not much, but it is the best plan we have.
Fingers crossed for the best tomorrow. Halt and I are getting ready to have dinner with his parents and Caitlyn. It's the closest to a goodbye we'll ever get.'
'It's done. Halt and I are 'dead', for all intents and purposes. Ferris dropped us off a few hours outside of Dun Kilty and we are camping in the forest. The plan is to slowly make our way to Port Cael. Halt has heard rumors of smugglers in that area and hopes we can get passage with one of them, wherever they are going. I think Halt would accept any kingdom at this point.
Being away from his family is much harder than we thought. I already miss Caitlyn and her smiles.'
'We barely made it two days out of Dun Kilty before we ran into trouble. Bandits, an ambush. There were four of them hidden along the road.
Halt and I did our best to fight them off, but we were outnumbered. They had us tied up and were about to run off with all of our supplies when these arrows started flying out of nowhere! Three of them were dead before we could hardly blink, the fourth shot in the leg. Then this man seemed to appear out of nowhere! Literally, it was like he emerged from the trunk of a tree, a longbow in hand and covered in this mottled green and gray cloak! It was amazing! He did kill the last bandit before freeing us. Halt didn't trust him right away, but then the man smacked him upside the head! Asked him what kind of wannabe prince went traveling through a dangerous forest with only a short sword he barely knew how to use as protection?
Halt was furious, protesting what he was saying immediately, but I couldn't help myself. I started laughing. Here was a man who just saved us and obviously knew who we were, but the thing he chose to comment on was not our supposed death, but Halt's skill with a sword? After everything we'd been through, it seemed downright hilarious!
Of course they looked at me like I was crazy; I don't blame them, I sounded crazy.
We ended up talking with the man for a long while after that. Turns out his name is Pritchard, a Ranger from Araluen. Well, Ex-Ranger. He was apparently banned from the Corps by some corrupt lords. I don't quite understand the full story, but it involved the king trusting a lot of the wrong people.
Anyway, Pritchard recognized us immediately. That day that Halt and I snuck out instead of going to our rehearsal? He saw us in the crowd. That's how he knew who we were. He was very curious as to why we had faked our deaths.
We ended up telling him everything. His face is very hard to read, he doesn't give anything away, but he didn't look pleased.
Then, of all things, he offered to travel with us, help keep us safe until we get out of Clonmel!
Halt was hesitant as we barely know him, but I accepted right away. We need the help, even if Halt doesn't want to admit it.'
'It's taken us two weeks to get out of Clonmel, Pritchard convincing us not to buy passage from a smuggler and instead go cross country to one of the neighboring kingdoms. Halt's begun to grow a beard to disguise himself and I've cut my hair as well. Hopefully we don't have a repeat of someone recognizing us like Pritchard did.
In the last two weeks Pritchard has been teaching us quite a bit. How to track, hunt, field dress an animal. It's fascinating actually. I never thought I would enjoy working with my hands so much, but there is something satisfying about all of this work though. For once Halt and I are taking care of ourselves, not being taken care of. I love it.
Pritchard refuses to let Halt use his sword anymore. Says that he's passably decent with it, but it wasn't the weapon he was born for. He had Halt spend a while with his bow, watching him the entire time. If Pritchard was anyone else, I'd say it looked like he was planning something, but it is always so hard to tell with him.'
'We spent the night at an inn and I forgot exactly how comfortable a bed could be. After three weeks on the forest ground, that straw mattress felt like a cloud.
Pritchard had breakfast with us and we spent most of it talking about all of our options.
As much as we may hate it, Halt and I can't stay in one place for long. Even in other Hibernian kingdoms there is a chance, however small, that we might get recognized. If that happens, our family goes right back to being in danger. We just can't stay in Hibernia, as much as we may want to.
Halt still doesn't fully trust Pritchard, which I don't blame him for, but I don't think we have a choice. We are definitely out of our depth here.
Pritchard offered a solution. It was…unexpected to say the least.
He offered to take Halt on as an apprentice, then he could try to become a ranger in Araluen.
I know that he has been watching Halt these past few weeks, but I had no clue that he was going to offer an apprenticeship! It sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity, I don't want Halt to regret not taking it. From what Pritchard has told me about Rangers, it sounds like something that Halt would enjoy and be great at.
But Halt is so scared of trusting anyone right now. Even though I remind him that not everyone will be like Ferris, he doesn't want to take the risk.
No matter what our plan ends up being, we have to figure it out soon.'
'Pritchard has been telling us stories about his old apprentice, someone named Crowley, and all the trouble he would get into. Apparently this guy got bucked off his horse three times before finally asking for help! He sounds just as stubborn as Halt!
Pritchard has also told us some of what else is going on in Araluen. Apparently it is all due to this Baron named Morgarath who wants to be king instead of the rightful heir. I hate him already and the parallel is close enough to Ferris that I just know Halt does too.
For the first time, I think Halt is seriously considering taking the Ranger up on his offer, if only to do something about Morgarath. I won't push him on it, this is entirely his choice and I will support him no matter what, but I don't think either of us would be able to just stand by while another country fell into the hands of a corrupt ruler. The guilt over Clonmel is bad enough.'
'Halt accepted the apprenticeship today! It was amazing! He stayed up most of the night thinking about it and he says that it is only to learn skills he might need to help us survive, but I know he hasn't stopped thinking of Araluen.
Honestly, neither have I. I want to help somehow, but I don't know how. It's not like the fate of a country will ever depend on how well someone can needlepoint. I really wish those damn tutors had taught me something useful.
This new life of ours, essentially on the run while undertaking an apprenticeship from someone who might as well be a fugitive…it's not going to be at all easy, but Halt already seems much happier than at the palace. That somehow…just makes it all worth it.'
'Pritchard asked me an interesting question today. He asked me what I wanted.
It caught me off guard. I can't remember the last time someone asked me that. At least, about anything other than the wedding plans.
I didn't know how to answer. I still don't. What do I want?
For the longest time I just wanted to make my own choices. Someone else chose my husband, my path in life, what I would learn. Now, in a weird way, I have the freedom I want, but now I just don't know. How do you decide something that important?'
'Halt has been training with Pritchard for six months now and I can tell that he has improved. He was already a good archer, but with Pritchard's help it's leaps and bounds better than he was. The both of them can sneak up on me without any issues, but the Ranger can always spot Halt a mile away. Halt gets so frustrated by it, it's so funny.
We are now on the borders of Celtica. It's a small, two room cabin about an hour outside a small town. We tore off multiple jewels from my dress and traded them for this small piece of land. It's run down, but we've been fixing it up slowly. Pritchard says that we should be able to stay here for a while without any risk of being recognized and finish Halt's apprenticeship in one place without having to look over our shoulders constantly.
The fact that it borders Araluen is not lost on me.
I understand that Pritchard is preoccupied with his country and the possible rebellion. He wants to help any way he can and right now that means training another ranger properly before asking Halt to go to Araluen.
But I'm not sure that's possible anymore. Things have gotten a little more complicated.
I-My last cycle never arrived. I've had morning sickness twice now and couldn't wear my corset for more than four hours yesterday, my chest was so sore.
I'm no idiot, I know what this means. I just don't know what to do about it. Halt and I never talked about kids. I have no clue if he wants any or if it will affect his training. And-well-I was just always told that as soon as I provided an heir that they would have a wetnurse, a nanny, a governess. I don't know anything about raising a child! Nothing! I don't know how to be a mother…but the idea of not having this child, of someone else raising them-
I can't let that happen.
I'm going to be the best damn mother in all of existence. My child deserves nothing less.
I guess…that seems to answer Pritchard's question. I want to be a mother. More than anything.
Now I just have to find a way to tell Halt.'
