It was Monday morning and both of them were in the waiting room of the maternity area at Virginia Mason Hospital in Seattle, waiting for their first ultrasound. They had chosen a different hospital until the pregnancy became public knowledge at their workplace. For now, they had decided not to say anything until entering the second trimester.

The atmosphere between them was tense. They hadn't spoken all weekend except to agree on the appointment time.

Derek still had many questions he would like to ask Addison, but he understood that she was angry and hurt, so he decided to respect her and give her space. He wasn't in a position to demand anything from her at that moment. And she, for her part, also appreciated the distance, because having him nearby triggered all kinds of uncontrollable feelings.

Addison continuously bit her lower lip, a typical habit she had when she was nervous or felt some kind of pain and wanted to distract herself. Derek knew this, living by her side for all these years had made him familiar with every gesture and expression she had.

"Calm down, Addie. Everything will be alright" he said, placing a hand on her knee to reassure her.

"The first ultrasound is the most terrifying for every pregnant woman... because that's when you find out exactly how the pregnancy is going. If the embryo is properly implanted in the uterus or if it's an ectopic pregnancy. If there are possible genetic abnormalities or malformations, if the development is normal according to gestational age, if there's a heartbeat... many times the heart stops beating in the early weeks.

"Addison, stop thinking as an OB right now. It's not good for you to worry ahead of time. Try to think that our baby will be healthy and we'll be able to see them for the first time."

"Maybe it's twins. How will I manage if I have two babies kicking my ribs?"

"Well, that would be double the joy."

"A joy for you because you won't have them inside you. Oh my God... what am I going to do with two babies?" she covered her face with both hands, worried.

"Addison..." a giggle escaped from his mouth.

She angrily turned to look at him.

"I hate you."

"Of course you don't."

"Of course I do. This is your fault."

"Montgomery Shepherd" called a doctor from the hallway door.

They both quickly got up and entered the doctor's office behind her.

"Welcome, it's a pleasure to have you here. I'm Dr. Sophia Michells."

"Nice to meet you, we're Addison and Derek Shepherd" he said, squeezing her hand. Addison did the same afterward.

"Alright, let's begin with the ultrasound, shall we? Addison, I'll ask you to remove your underwear and lie down on this examination table with your legs supported on the stirrups."

She stood up and did exactly as the doctor instructed.

"Is this your first ultrasound?" she asked as she sat down in the chair in front of the examination table.

"Yes, it is the first one" Derek replied. Addison remained silent.

"The first one is always the most exciting..." she said, putting on latex gloves. "Listen, I know this is uncomfortable, but we'll try to do it as quickly as possible, okay? I'll gently insert the ultrasound probe to get more precise images. You may feel some discomfort at the beginning."

"Addison is also an OB-GYN..." Derek said, holding back a laugh.

"Oh, then I suppose you know these steps by heart."

"Well, I do" Addison gave a small smile, pressing her lips together.

"Alright, let's see what we have here..." she turned on the monitor and started moving the ultrasound probe.

Both parents couldn't help but smile when they saw that tiny white bean-shaped dot appear on the screen.

There was the first tangible image of their baby. It wasn't just a dream, it was real.

"The size of the embryo is 4.5 mm, like a coffee bean, corresponding to about 7 weeks of gestation. The cervix looks normal, and both the embryo and the placenta are well-positioned and developing perfectly. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

Both nodded, and Sophia made them listen to the baby. Addison had heard that sound countless times over the decades, but this one felt different. It was special. Uncontrollably, she burst into tears of joy.

Derek also had misty eyes and a smile that seemed like it was about to burst from his face. He held Addison's hand tightly and placed a meaningful kiss on the top.

"Everything seems perfect, congratulations" Sophia smiled at them.

~•~

Once they finished with the ultrasound, Addison changed and they gathered at Sophia's desk to begin with the routine questions. Something as tedious as it was necessary.

"Do you remember when was the date of your last menstruation?" she said, opening a new file to load her medical history.

"April 15th."

"Alright, based on the measurements from the images and the date you're telling me, you're seven weeks along, correct?"

"That's correct" Addison said timidly, looking at Derek. He was surprised because he thought she was much less along.

"Your estimated due date is January 20th."

"Oh, a winter baby" Derek smiled. She had thought the same thing before.

"That's right. I imagine you had already calculated that, right?" Sophia asked, looking at Addison.

"I couldn't help it" she smiled.

"I figured. What is your date of birth?"

"October 13th, 1967..."

"38 years old?"

"I know, the risks increase after 35, I'm kind of old for this and..."

"You're not that old. But you do need to take more precautions than a person in their 20s who is pregnant. You don't have to worry about that. Is this your first pregnancy?"

Addison remained silent, unsure of how to respond. She knew it was a routine question to fill out the medical record, especially to consider any previous complications or history that could repeat in a new pregnancy.

It wasn't her first pregnancy, a year ago she had aborted Mark's baby at four weeks, something she hadn't yet told Derek. It was a secret she believed she'd take to her grave.

"Do you have any other children?" Sophia asked again, seeing that Addison didn't respond and seemed confused.

"No, it's her first pregnancy" Derek said.

"Any chronic illnesses, allergies, surgeries, genetic diseases in the family?"

"No…" Addison whispered. She still felt dazed. At some point, she would have to tell her obstetrician the truth, and Derek would know. He'd know that it wasn't just one night and nothing more. He'd know that she had lived with Mark for two months and had got pregnant.

Sophia continued asking questions, but Addison stopped listening. She only saw her moving her lips and jotting down things that Derek answered on her behalf. It was like watching a silent film where she didn't know what was happening. She started feeling dizzy and suffocated.

"Alright, take off your shoes and step on the scale so we can weigh you."

"Uh?" she blinked, confused as she saw Sophia stand up.

"Are you okay, Addison?" Derek turned to look at her. She looked pale.

"She might be experiencing low blood pressure, it's normal in the first few months. Have you had a good breakfast? Are you experiencing a lot of nausea?" she asked while offering her some fruit candy.

"I'm fine, I... I just got a little dizzy."

"Can you walk or would you prefer to lie down for a while?"

"I'm fine."

"Alright. I'll prescribe folic acid for the baby's bones, prenatal vitamins, and some drops for the nausea. You know all the recommendations, but if necessary, I'll repeat them: no alcohol, reduce caffeine intake, no raw meat, wash and peel fruits and vegetables, avoid eating raw fish or eggs, no..."

The raw egg was the last thing Addison managed to hear before her vision turned completely black and her head quickly fell against the doctor's desk.

~•~

"What happened?" she asked when she saw Derek's face inches away, staring at her intently.

"You fainted. Oh, how are you? Can you hear me?"

"Yes..."

"How many fingers do you see?" he said, raising four fingers in front of her face.

"Enough, Derek" she brushed his hand away "I'm fine!" she said, attempting to get up.

"No, be careful. First, drink this orange juice and eat this sandwich I brought."

"I..."

"Did you have breakfast before leaving? Your sugar was very low."

"Well, technically I did have breakfast, but I vomited everything half an hour before coming here."

"Addie..."

"I'm sorry, Derek. I can't control it. Where is Dr. Michells?"

"She had to leave, she had a patient in labor. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine. I already told you. Can we go?"

"Not until you eat the sandwich."

"I have a queasy stomach, I don't want to eat."

"Addison..."

"Fine. I'll do it just because I have surgery in less than an hour and you're unbearable."

"Are you going to operate in this condition?"

"What condition? Pregnant? Do you think I'm sick or something?"

"No, but..."

"I'm great. Let's go."

~•~

Just as she had said, Addison entered the operating room as soon as they arrived at Seattle Grace. She had a scheduled fetal surgery that would last several hours, and nothing was going to postpone it.

On his part, Derek went to the neuro floor to do rounds. He needed to monitor the postoperative care of two patients, and one of them would likely need another surgery in the future.

As he finished filling out some charts, he didn't notice that Meredith had appeared in front of him, with a worried expression.

"Derek, where have you been? I need to talk to you."

"I can't right now, Meredith. I'm working."

"I'm working too, for your information. Why didn't you answer my calls all weekend? Why do you promise me eternal love one day and the next you disappear? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I... I've been thinking about what happened last week, and I think it was a mistake."

"A mistake? What makes you think it was a mistake? You literally told me that you didn't regret it and that you were going to leave your wife," she said angrily.

"Can you lower your voice? I have newly operated people here trying to rest."

"What made you change your mind now? Or did you never change, and you just used me?"

"I have a wife, and I love her. She doesn't deserve me doing this to her."

"Oh, and now you remember her? When you cornered me in that on-call room, your wife didn't seem very important."

"I already said it was a mistake and it shouldn't happen again. Can you please forget about it?"

"Forget it? Do you ever listen to the nonsense you say? I'm sick of your games and lies. I'm tired of you using me when you're having a bad day and then belittling me for the rest of the week. I'm tired of your psychological manipulation. I'm tired of you. You're a selfish idiot who doesn't even know what he wants but plays with the lives of two people all the time!"

"If you're so tired of me, then why don't you leave me alone? Why do you fill me with messages and missed calls?"

"Because I wanted to let you know that Doc died!"

"What? Doc died?"

"Just as you heard, it was Saturday night..."

"H-how? How was it possible?" he said with a trembling voice.

"Derek... we already knew he was very sick."

"I know, but... how did it happen?"

"The cancer metastasized to his brain, and he had seizures on Friday night. Finn did everything he could, but... There was nothing else that could be done. The damage was irreversible."

"Oh my god... I... I don't know what to say. I... I'm so sorry, Mer."

"I know... I still can't believe he's gone..." she said with tears in her eyes.

"What did you do with the body?"

"Finn said he'd take care of it."

"We should bury him in the woods. It was his home and where he enjoyed being the most..."

"Do you think so?"

"Yes, I... God, Addison is going to be devastated when she finds out" he wiped away tears from his eyes.

"Are you still living with her? I thought... There were rumors that she had left your trailer after leaving me a lovely message on the resident's board."

"She did what?"

"Never mind..."

"She's not living with me now, but she will be soon... I... I need to go see her now and tell her. I'm really sorry you had to go through that with Doc, and I'm sorry I can't be there for you now either. I can't talk any more now."

"Derek, why are you doing this to me again?" she sobbed.

"I'm sorry. Maybe someday you'll understand that this is what's best for everyone."

He said that and left to find his wife without looking back.