"You say that, but it doesn't matter if you can't back it up!"
"Caden, will you stop shouting and talk to me?"
"NO! Stop acting like you're blameless here!"
"I don't even know what you're blaming me for!"
"Yes you DO! Just leave me alone!" With that, Caden slammed his door shut, leaving Notch to stand outside in the hallway. The older man groaned quietly, lifting a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose as he heard Caden stomping around inside his room. It was impressive, he acknowledged, that Caden had gone this long without having some sort of meltdown, given what his life had been like before Notch had taken him in. That didn't make it any less frustrating.
There was no point in attempting to talk to him now, though. With the intent of giving him an hour or two to calm down, Notch turned away, heading towards his computer room to work on some open projects of his. Hopefully it would allow him to wind down too.
He did know what Caden was upset about. The young man had recently requested his help with an assignment that he was struggling with. Notch had agreed, but another obligation had come up and he had forgotten. Caden had reminded him the day the assignment was due, and they hadn't been able to do as good a job as Notch was sure they could have managed if they had had more time. He had apologized, and Caden said he forgave him, but evidently that wasn't the case if his outburst a few minutes ago was any indication.
Notch sank into his computer chair, rubbing his eyes. His decision to take Caden in had been an impulsive one, yes, but he had acknowledged the potential consequences. Caden had grown up unloved, and had shown signs of being violent and unpredictable as a result. Notch cared for him of course, and wanted to give him the support that he'd lacked, but sometimes he wondered if he was up to the task.
He was no father. His ability to support traumatized dependents was famously poor, judging by his attempts with Steven and Stephan. Their recovery and growth was due primarily to their bond and determination, very little to his input. Caden, on the other hand, had no sibling, only a middle-aged game developer with a tendency to overlook the needs of those around him. Better than Caden's birth father, but… he still had many things that could be improved upon.
Notch booted up his computer, idly noticing that Caden's status was still offline. He had halfway expected him to try and distract himself the same way Notch was, but maybe he was too upset to do so. Notch noted down the time, deciding that he would go to check on him in an hour and a half. That should give him ample time to calm down, and maybe they could discuss this in a more rational manner. He'd said that his apology 'didn't matter if he couldn't back it up'. Had he done something else? He couldn't recall having upset him again recently. Though, something innocuous to him could easily have triggered poor memories in his surrogate son.
Notch tried to banish such thoughts from his head, throwing himself headlong into his work. The minutes ticked by, bringing with them quiet, and a gradually increasing feeling of dread. He hated to leave bad air to hang between them. But Caden had told him to leave him alone…
It took about 15 more minutes of his restless thoughts interfering with the quality of his work before Notch gave up, shutting down his computer and standing. Maybe a peace offering would help quell Caden's anger - he did love his cooking.
The next two hours Notch spent in the kitchen, putting together Caden's favorite dinner. Being a teenager who grew up with limited access to food, Caden wolfed down virtually everything that Notch cooked for him, but Notch had eventually been able to identify Caden's favorite as being chicken with dumplings. Notch had begun to double the amount of food he cooked when Caden had moved in, but with this he was forced to at least triple it to keep up with Caden's appetite.
It was around dinnertime when the meal was finished, and Notch set out the pans on the counter before heading down to Caden's room. He paused outside the door for a moment, listening. Nothing. Maybe he had absorbed himself in his homework or a game, or maybe he had worn himself out and was sleeping. With that in mind, Notch lifted a hand and knocked quietly.
"Caden?" He called softly. "May I come in?" There was a beat of silence.
"Yeah." Caden's voice was muffled through the door, and Notch eased it open, expecting from the strained tone of his voice to find Caden sitting sullenly at his computer desk and scowling at him.
He did not expect to find the young man hunched over his knees in a corner, tear tracks and a look of absolute dread on his face. Notch froze for a moment, worry and guilt welling up at the sight of him. How long had he been like this? He should have come sooner.
He opened his mouth, forcing himself to speak. "I'm not mad at you."
"Y-yes you are." Caden's voice cracked, and he swallowed, looking down. Pushing the door all the way open, Notch stepped into the room, taking a step towards him before sinking to the ground. Caden was tall, but thin, much smaller than him, and Notch didn't want him to take his approach as a threat.
"I'm not." He repeated. "Will you talk to me?" Caden nodded, wiping his face off on his sleeve.
"'M sorry." He said, his voice wobbly. "I shouldn't've yelled, just- I won' do it again."
"Caden, if you're upset with me I want to know so we can work it out." Notch told him. "What is this about? Is it about your assignment?" Caden nodded again, miserably. "I understand that you were upset, but I thought we talked about this?" Notch tried to keep his tone light, not accusatory.
"We did." Caden refused to meet his gaze, hiding half of his face in his arms and staring at the floor. "N' you apologized an' I was fine but-" His breath hitched. "-but I just got th' grade back an' I got so… angry." His face flushed red, and he buried it completely in his sleeves. "A-and I know I have no reason to, it's my assignment and my responsibility, an'-" he hiccuped. "A-and I don't have the right t' ask anything of you when you've done so much already-" His breath hitched again, and Notch took the opportunity to interject.
"Caden, you're right, it was your assignment." He acknowledged. "But you asked me for help, which of course is fine, and I agreed. I went back on my word, and you were within your rights to be upset." Caden just hunched in a bit more on himself. "I wish you wouldn't shout, but I understand why you're frustrated, and I'm not mad at you." Again, he got no response.
Notch sighed softly. That fact that he felt guilty was clear enough, but Caden also looked… scared, and he hated that it seemed to be directed towards him. It was most likely from his upbringing, from the man who'd raised him, who undoubtedly would have had a much more violent reaction to being yelled at. Stephan had once mentioned in passing the time he had heard Caden's father come in and beat him because he hadn't gotten him enough money.
Notch scooted a bit closer, not missing the way Caden tensed slightly. "Caden, I don't want you to be afraid of me." Caden's head popped up, face distressed as he finally met Notch's eyes.
"O-oh, I'm not afraid." He stammered. "I-I just don't want you t' think I'm… too much work." His gaze lowered back to the floor. "…a-an' have to… leave."
Oh, of course. Notch could remember clearly the way Caden had acted for the first few weeks that he lived here, always tiptoeing, always quiet, trying to stay unobtrusive and out of sight. It took considerable effort on Notch's part to draw him out of his shell. And Caden's statement just a moment ago, when he said he didn't have the right to ask anything of him. Being kicked out of his living space was something that he had undoubtedly been at least threatened with, if not outright done to him as a child.
"Caden, I could never send you away." Notch shifted closer again, resting a hand on the young man's knee in what he hoped was a comforting fashion. "I love having you here, you bring so much life to this empty place - even when you're in your room playing games for nine hours." Caden broke into a wobbly half-smile at that. "Who would I cook for if not for you?" He went on. "Or have nerf wars with? Or movie nights?" He gave his boy's knee a pat. "You would have to do something truly awful for me to send you away, Caden - and even then I would miss your company." Caden sniffled, looking slightly less terrified.
"Y-y'sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure." Notch withdrew his hand. "I made dinner, if you're hungry." Caden's face brightened a bit.
"I-I am." He nodded slightly. "I… could smell it." He shot Notch a curious look. "I-is it…?"
Notch nodded. "Chicken and dumplings, yes." That brought a smile to his face, and then finally he was uncurling from his hunched position, pushing himself up to his knees. Notch began to stand as well, only to be interrupted by Caden throwing his arms around his neck in a hug.
"Thank you." He whispered as Notch's arms went around him in return. Notch gave him a little squeeze.
"I love you." He murmured into his son's shoulder. "That won't ever change." Caden just squeezed him fiercely before letting go.
Few words passed between them while they ate, as Caden's outburst had done nothing to hinder his appetite. With that in mind, Notch waited until he had at least slowed down to bring up a thought he'd had.
"Caden, what would you think about getting counseling?" His words made the young man look up, frown.
"Couns… like, therapy?" He looked a little taken aback, but Notch nodded.
"You don't have to, of course, if you don't like the idea. But, I think a trained professional would be able to help you work through some things better than I can." He suggested. Caden chewed his lip.
"I dunno." He said at last. "I'll think about it."
"That's all I ask of you." Notch assured him. Caden gave him a little smile, and returned to his food.
