The Ziff Who Came to Dinner Artie Ziff returns via being found lurking in the Simpsons attic. But will they ever forgive him for his busy hands that prom night?

Plot

The chalkboard gag is "I will not speculate on how hot the teacher used to be."

The couch gag is where it zooms out into space again.

Homer is taking Bart, Lisa and the err... Flanders kids out to see a movie for some reason.

"We're getting to that part Narrator..." Bart groaned.

On the movie boards are the following funny movies...

Return to Ape Valley.

"You damn dirty apes!" Oscar screamed angrily while shaking his fist.

"Oz no!" Bart whined.

The Fashion of the Christ.

"Paul, does this robe show off my thighs too much?" asked a really camp Jesus while dressing himself in front of a mirror.

Bart face palmed.

Ghost Frat. Which I assume is about a fraternity of ghost college undergrads.

Eating Nemo.

Oscar screamed and cried, sobbing and hugging Milhouse who also cried.

Bart head butted the the bar of the turnstile in frustration.

From Justin to Kelly 4. I uh have nothing for that.

Bart sighed with relief.

The Unwatchable Hulk.

"Why no one like Hulk movie?! This make Hulk sad!" Hulk stomped off miserable.

Bart groaned as the silliness continued.

The Pianist Goes Hawaiian. That's just hilarious!

Oscar laughed.

Freddy Vs Jason Vs The Board of Education.

Oscar screamed.

"Oz don't scream so loud!" Bart groaned.

...

"The wild Dinglenerries?!" Homer saw a parody poster for the Wild Thornberries.

"That's just a mock poster for the Wild Thornberries so we can avoid copyright laws..." said Lisa. "Same reason Playboy is called Playdude over here."

"Yeah it's a cartoon about a British family of nature conservationists but the youngest daughter gets Dr Dolittle powers to speak to animals from a Witch Doctor and the voice of Flea from Red Hot Chilli peppers does the voice of Donnie!" said Bart enthusiastically.

"It's just longer and more padded out than an episode with one long story and a rapping wildebeest..." said Lisa sighing. "And you can watch the episodes for free at home. We're paying for one long episode with a rapping wildebeest and Will Smith..."

"Okay! One adult and four children for the Wild Dingleberries please!" said Homer to Raphael.

"Sorry Pally but this film is sold out." said Raphael.

"The Happy Little Elves: The Curious Bear Cub's Restraining Order?" Homer asked.

"That too." said Raphael.

"The Despair Bears?"

"Cancelled."

"My Big Fat Greek Mitzvah?" Homer asked.

"Not a movie..." Raphael explained.

"Diet Coke: The movie?" Homer asked.

"Two calories. Not evil enough..." said Hugo.

"President Airbud: Hail to the teeth?" Homer asked.

"Nope." said Raphael.

"My Big Fat Greek Salad?" Homer asked.

"Mmmmmmm... Feta..." Greek Hero Oscar in a chiton and sandals sighed drooling.

"Well what is on then?!" Homer asked annoyed.

"The Redeadening or Sexy Beach University Club." said Raphael.

"OooooH I can't wait to see that Sexy Beach University Club!" said Homer.

"Mr Simpson... that film is not recommended by the church movie guide..." said Rod giving Homer a leaflet.

"What would Jesus View?" Homer read the leaflet. Jesus was in a cinema watching a film.

"Why are those two dweebs with us...?" Bart sighed.

"Mr Flanders volunteered to take the old folks out for ice cream..." said Lisa.

Ned was at the town ice cream parlour with all the residents of the Springfield Retirement Castle.

Abe was complaining that his ice cream was too cold and that he cut himself on the cone.

"Now Mr Simpson turn that frown upside diddly down! It's Jasper's Birthday!" said Ned.

Jasper sat wearing a party hat looking very depressed.

"Birthday?!" asked Squeaky Voiced Teen. He set off the birthday alarm. There were balloons and confetti, a team of rappers and then the staff fired confetti out of machine guns! Cooool!

However this frightened the old folks and gave some of them heart attacks.

"Never leave the day room! Never leave the day room!" Grampa repeater traumatised.

...

Back at the cinema.

"We could be watching two hours of Veggitales by now..." Rod sighed.

Bart rolled his eyes at Rod's geekiness.

"Come on kids, let's go to the furniture store and sit on the furniture..." said Homer.

"Or we could see Return to Ape Valley!" Oscar suggested in a mad way because of his Planet of the Apes madness.

"No!" Homer snapped.

Suddenly Lenny and Carl were buying tickets.

"Two tickets for the Redeadening!" said Lenny.

"Oh the Redeadening! Is that good?" Homer asked.

"Why sure! I'm in it!" said Lenny.

"Yeah I got banned from the set for speaking to him!" said Carl.

"It's a small speaking role really." said Lenny.

"Wow! Mr Lenny! How did you get to be in a movie?" Lisa asked.

"They saw my medical photo in a magazine!" said Lenny.

"Wow! Wait, is it suitable for kids?" said Homer.

"Of course! There's loads of kids in it! They all get attacked by a vicious-" said Lenny but Homer interrupted him.

"B b b but! Don't spoil it!" Homer didn't want the movie to be split for him. "One adult and four children for the Redeadening please!"

"Here you go Pally." Raphael gave Homer his tickets.

They all went into the room to watch the Redeadening. Creepy music played as a lady walked down the hall of a mansion.

She looked into a bedroom where a posh little girl was playing with a doll.

"Baby Buttoneyes? What's that? You want me to kill Mommy?" said the girl.

The mom gasped.

"But Mommy is ever so kind." said the girl. "What's that? Your button eyes came from the trousers of a psychotic murderer? Then I have no choice..." said the girl in a trance.

The mother backed away from the bedroom door in horror but a zombie hand was about to grab her.

Rod and Todd screamed as Homer's hand was trying to grab something.

"Hey I paid for this popcorn and I'm having some!" said Homer taking some of their popcorn.

"Mr Simpson this film is scary!" said Rod.

"Oh don't be silly! It's not real! Well some of it is based on a true story. They say some of it happened in this very theatre..." said Homer.

Rod and Todd were even more terrified.

Lenny's scene came up. He was outside a scary but fancy house cutting the rose bushes.

"Oh! It's my scene!" said Lenny.

"Baby Buttoneyes! What are you doing possessed at this hour?! I better call the warden and- Yaaaaaaarghh!"

Baby Buttoneyes hissed and leapt at him. Lenny fell into the bushes screaming as the doll killed him.

She had sown buttons over his bloody eyes.

"It looks like they sowed buttons over my eyes but actually they're just stuck on with hot wax." said Lenny.

Lisa was frightened and hugged her dad.

"Don't worry sweetie. They killed the evil doll!" said Homer. There was a bloodcurdling scream from the movie. "Okay... the doll is unkillable..."

Lisa was traumatised.

"Can daddy rest his soda on your head?" Homer asked. Lisa nodded while crying. Homer did so.

Bart had a bowl of popcorn on his head and was covering his eyes as he too was frightened of the movie.

"Oh please... Bart you've seen every single Attack of The Space Mutants and didn't get scared once!" Oscar berated him.

"I did so when watching Space Mutants 4 with Jimbo and his gang!" Bart replied keeping his eyes closed.

...

At dinner Bart and Lisa were shivering.

"Homer! You took two small children to see the Redeadening?! This is a rare lapse in judgment!"

"Kids need to see scary things to prepare them from real world horrors like serial killers and terrorists..." said Homer.

"Hmmmmm! In that case I'm starting to think we should have let Bart watch that R rated version of Pride and Prejudice for his book report..." said Marge.

"Aaaaaaagh! Naked Judi Dench!" Homer screamed.

Suddenly music from the Redeadening played. Bart and Lisa screamed.

"Oh sorry, I bought the soundtrack." said Homer holding up a radio and turning it off.

...

Bart was scared and shivering as Marge out him to bed.

"Bart sweetie... there's nothing to be afraid of, there's no Boogie Woogies or Woolly bullies out there." Marge explained as she gave him his living teddy bear creature.

Suddenly Jimbo came past Bart's door. "Mrs Simpson does this woolly sweater suit me?" said Jimbo.

"Why sure Jimbo! It looks lovely!" said Marge.

"Good because I hope to get back with Laura! Awesome!" said Jimbo as he left.

Bart sat up in bed frowning and crossing his arms.

"Okay maybe woolly bullies..." Marge sighed. She went to put on his night light.

"Uh oh. Your nightlight is out and we're all out of regular bulbs. We only have these red ones." said Marge putting in a red bulb. The night light lit Bart's room with an eerie red glow..."

Bart shivered after Marge left him for the night. He shivered and hid under the covers thinking about that film...

Suddenly his living Krusty doll from Treehouse of Horror III's A Clown Without Pity popped out of nowhere.

"Boo!" said the Krusty doll.

Bart screamed.

The Krusty doll laughed on its own as if it were alive. "I always split my sides! Ahahahaha! What a klutz!"

Meanwhile Lisa was trying to sleep by explaining to herself it was just a movie with Donald Sutherland as the priest. However something in the attic was smashing and crashing against the ceiling of her room. Her ceiling bulged and rocked from the forceful occupant above.

Meanwhile in Bart's room lit up with red lights. He heard a loud geeky coughing from someone with asthma in the attic and Jon Lovitz sounds.

Bart comforted himself guessing it was the only person that could be in the attic.

"I really hope that's you Hugo up there coughing loudly and crashing about..." Bart shivered.

However Hugo came in to his room with a glass of water.

"No I was just in the bathroom getting a glass of water." said Hugo. "There's someone in the attic?"

"Yes!" said Bart.

"If they touch my fish heads they're so dead!" Hugo yelled running off.

Plot 2

The kids went up to the attic.

Lisa checked around shining a lantern. "I'm sure that's just the pipes!" she said to an eerie sound. "Or Hugo. Right Bart?!"

"I'm outta here toots! If you wanna be part of his science experiment that's your problem!" Bart ran off.

"I keep telling you that's not me up there!" said Hugo from downstairs.

"Oh hi Hugo." said Bart muffled from the attic as he had shut Lisa in.

"Okay... there's obviously a reasonable scientific explanation for this..." said Lisa. A loud noise scared her. Lisa started crying and her nose ran. Yeeeeuck!"

"(Sobbing) Mom, Dad, I love you! Maggie you can have my saxophone! Bart, I'll see you in Hell you booger eating coward! Yes everyone knows!" Lisa sobbed loudly into her camera. "Aghhhhh! Bones! Possibly fish bones! Aaaaaagh!" Lisa ran off. "Copyright of Pink Pony Productions! Visit me on Lisathemovie dot com! Aaaaagh!"

...

Meanwhile Marge and Homer were in bed having sex... Eeeeew!

"You have the right to remain sexy. Any body parts shown may be held against you in the court of sex. If you do not-" Homer's role playing was interrupted by Marge leaping on him and they had sex... Eeeew!

Suddenly the kids ran in.

"Mom there's something in the- Holy crud! Lisa cover your eyes!" Bart screamed.

"Ugh what is it..." Marge groaned as they got under the covers and stopped having sex...

"There's something in the attic!" said Bart.

Homer got angry and in denial again about the attic.

"There is nothing in the attic! Now go back to bed!" Homer told his kids off.

"Dad you used that excuse for years to hide Hugo from us!" said Bart holding Hugo by the scruff of his pyjama top. "Now look in the attic with us! We think there's a monster up there!"

Homer sighed. "Stupid attic dwelling mutant son! Fine..."

"Wooooooooo!" said an eerie voice scaring the kids.

"A a and a gh gh ghost in the house!" Bart stammered.

"Oh good. Go and play with the ghost." said Homer.

The ghost screamed "Hell no! I'm out of here!" And left.

Homer was looking in every dark nook and cranny of the house for monsters. He found none.

"But I did find this newspaper from 1986. Why America loves Saddam Hussein..." Homer read the news headline.

"We most certainly do not!" Bart yelled ripping up the newspaper.

"There's no monsters now can we all-" Homer explained but an eerie tone played. "That's it! It's enough to scare my kids but no one plays my theremin!" Homer shouted. "Except the boy." He referred to Hugo.

"You have a theremin?" Hugo asked.

"Shut up, boy..." said Homer.

...

The Simpsons were all in the attic as Homer led them. "Okay. I get. From now on when you kids say something is in the attic like a monster or a long lost brother or sister I'll believe you and not keep it from you..." said Homer.

"Okay I think the Hugo gags have worn out now..." Bart sighed at the fourth wall.

"There's nothing up here except boxes of old clothes, paintings of Ringo Starr... Old junk and a Jumanji board game..." said Hugo,

Oscar sniggered.

"Hugo don't encourage him..." Bart sighed.

Suddenly they saw a familiar silhouette holding up two theremins. They were... Artie Ziff! Dun dun dun!

"Artie Ziff?!" Marge gasped.

"Oh... It's just your mother's old gropy boyfriend..." said Homer. "Waitaminute!" Homer violently pinned Artie against the attic wall.

"You dirty sonnuva bitch! Manhandle my wife will ya?!" Homer screamed angrily.

"Dad!" The kids tried to stop him.

"Homer! Let him go! It's not what you think!" said Marge.

Homer released Artie Ziff. "Uh?"

"Well, he did get very frisky that prom night. But-" Marge explained.

"You dirty little!" Homer strangled Artie.

"But he didn't force himself on me! He's a wimp! I only had to slap him hard and he stopped!" Marge explained.

"Oh..." Homer released Artie. "Ha! Couldn't even get to second base with my wife without her slapping you!" Homer taunted Artie.

Artie Ziff adjusted his glasses.

"Yes you've got me there Homer..." said Artie.

"Well..." Marge wanted to know why he was here and how he got here without them knowing.

"I've been hiding up in your attic, living off the moisture I can suck from the rafters..." said Artie Ziff.

"You repulsive sonnuva! That's my rafter moisture! That's the only thing Dad will let me drink to stay alive!" Hugo lunged at Artie but Homer yanked him back by his pyjama bottoms.

"Shut up freak! But you're right. Artie that's the freak's rafter moisture! Not yours! Shame on you!"

Oscar seethed in anger at Homer picking on Hugo.

"I thought we killed him." said Bart pointing at Artie. When the hell did that happen?!

"No we didn't." said Marge.

"Oh yeah. I did delete him from our bulk email list though." said Homer.

"No you didn't." said Marge.

"Oh yeah... that's right! Twice a week I get your email of that picture of the monkey peeing in his own mouth..." said Homer. How the hell does a monkey pee in his own mouth?!

"Oh yeah..." Everyone laughed heartily.

"That monkey got America through some hard times..." said Homer.

"Artie why are you hiding in my attic...?" Marge asked.

"Well it all started a few months ago..." Artie explained.

He told a story of living the dream as a millionaire playboy having hot tub parties etc until one day he was declared bankrupt. Symbolically in his flashback all his party guests abruptly left upon finding out he was bankrupt and repo men threw him out of his hot tub and took it.

The day dream ended with the Simpsons laughing at him.

"(Marge laughing) Oh! Ahem! Sorry. What do you want us to do about it?" Marge asked with tears of laughter.

"Well I came to see the love of my life because I heard you had a heart of gold and a sympathetic ear." said Artie.

"Well I'm sorry Artie but our relationship ended badly that night with you getting frisky and tearing my prom dress! I shouldn't have gone out with you instead of Homer!" said Marge not caring about Artie.

"It's okay Marge. I should have never lied to you." said Homer.

"Oh Homer..." said Marge kissing him.

"Wait this raises so many awkward and disturbing scenarios! Are you telling me for the last few months a man I haven't spoke to since high school has been bunking in our attic that's also my little boy's bedroom?!" Marge was horrified Artie was in Hugo's prison.

"It's alright Mom, I appreciated the company." said Hugo.

"Get out of my house!" Marge yelled at Artie thinking he was up to horrible unsavoury things withHugo up there.

"Oh... I suppose I'll leave..." said Artie before gathering what little he still had and left.

"You think we were too hard on him?" Bart asked.

"Nah..." said everyone. They all decided to go back to bed.

...

The next day Artie popped out of the trash can while Marge took out the trash.

"Please Marge." said Artie.

"Hmmmm!" Marge annoyed slammed the rubbish on him and slammed down the trash can lid. Artie sadly sang the Top Cat theme.

The Simpsons were then playing an early morning game of monopoly after breakfast when Artie pressed up against the front window and was yelling "Maaaaaaarge! Maaaaaaarge!"

"Oh lord!" said Marge.

"Hey get out of here! Only I get to that! But usually late at night after an evening at Moe's or after getting bailed from a driving offence." said Homer sending Artie away.

Homer then ran back and pressed himself against the windows and started yelling "Maaaaaarge! Maaaaaarge!" Everyone had sweat drops of embarrassment. "Look! It's me at nine o clock at night after a binge at Moe's!"

The kids and Marge sighed.

...

Bart took Oscar out to see the Wild Dingleberries/Thornberries movie because he wanted to see it.

Oscar was eating popcorn while there was a scene with Donnie Thornberry screaming in gibberish and a splat sound. Oscar laughed hysterically.

Bart however grimaced. 'That beetle went very far up his sinuses..."

Suddenly Artie Ziff wanted to speak with them.

"I'll over look you two sneaking in to watch a movie..." said Artie.

"Oh it's your mom's clingy ex... and for your information we bought tickets!" said Oscar.

Meanwhile Homer answered the door to get punched in the face by Ned.

"You son of a Diddly Doo! You took my kids to see a horror movie and now they can't sleep!" Ned ranted.

"Ow! I think my nose is broken!" Homer whined holding his nose.

Eventually the Simpsons decided to let Artie stay for a few days as he wouldn't leave them alone otherwise.

"I'll be good. You won't hear any fresh remarks or cat calling except this one. Wow wow wow! Look at those bazongas! Awoooooooooga!" said Artie making sex noises when he saw Marge's boobs.

"Right that's it get the hell out of here!" Homer yelled.

"No! Love thy neighbour!" The Simpsons explained to him they had to be nice now for some reason.

"No! He is a thief who tried to steal my beautiful wife!" Homer snapped.

"Ooooooooh Homie!" Marge snuggles with Homer.

"Please Dad. With his brains and your musky odor. I have a male role model!" said Hugo.

"That was my line but the brainy bit doesn't make sense. I hate learning! I'm glad Dad can't help me with my homework." said Bart.

"Well we're not!" Lisa and Hugo yelled.

"Well it would be cool to have someone I can beat up round the house." said Bart putting Artie in an arm lock.

"Again, my line but I'm not violent..." Lisa sighed at the fourth wall.

"Ow!" I'm telling!" Artie whined.

The kids laugh.

"Okay kids you can keep him. If Bart studies hard at school and let's Artie be homework Daddy and Lisa starts being a little more violent..."

"Dad! No! I hate violence!" Lisa whined.

"Matt's script says otherwise..." Homer replied.

...

"Well you sure made a home for yourself Marge. Not as large and opulent as moi, but then again, I am bankrupt now...

"Well there's one thing that cheers me up. Board games!" said Homer.

Lisa was looking through the board games.

"We've got Star Wars Monopoly, Rasta Monopoly, Gallipoli lopoly... Edna Krabopoly..." said Lisa going through various amusing themed Monopoly versions.

"Ay carumba!" yelled Bart seeing the Edna krabappel verson.

"Let's stick with the original version... that game's crazy enough as it is..." said Marge. "How can an Iron be a landlord?!"

They got to playing.

"Three, four, five. I wanna buy a house." Lisa looked in the box for the little green plastic houses. "Hey where did they go?!"

Maggie grinned with her cheeks bulging with something pointy inside them poking out at her cheeks. She had stuffed them all into her mouth!

"Maggie! Spit those out!" Marge told Maggie off. She spat out all the houses.

"Eeeeeew! Maggie..." Bart sighed.

"This is not a safe game for a baby..." Marge sighed.

"What do you suggest we play? Her ring stacking game? Because that gets boring after ten minutes." said Homer.

Marge sighed.

Plot 3

Homer then landed in Bart's hotel filled district.

"You're a little light with the rent Dad..." said Bart. Homer didn't have enough money to pay him.

"I'm still good!" Homer insisted.

"I'd like to believe you Dad but you've been bankrupt three times and in jail twice!" said Bart.

"They told me it would be like this on the outside..." Homer said bitterly.

Lisa decided to examine Bart's hotels. She found upon being able to take off their roofs they were made of Lego.

"Hey! These are Lego! Mom! Bart's cheating!" Lisa yelled.

"Hey it's very difficult to use the hotels properly when Maggie keeps eating them!" said Bart.

Maggie shrugged and made a "I dunno!" Muffled sound with monopoly hotels in her mouth.

"Maggie! Spit those out this instant young lady!" Marge told off Maggie. Maggie spat out the hotels.

"That's gonna be her thing for years..." Bart sighed.

Several years later...

Bart and Hugo were now 13. Lisa was 11. Maggie was four and wearing a pink shirt and a blue pinafore with a blue bow in her hair and baby Eric had just been born.

"Two, three. I wanna house." said Lisa. She looked for the monopoly houses but they were all gone somewhere.

Maggie had them all stuffed in her mouth.

"Maggie..." The family sighed.

Maggie spat them all out. The choked on something. "I think I have a tiny green plastic house in my lung!" she gasped trying to bring it up. She eventually coughed up a tiny green plastic house.

Everyone sighed.

Back in the present.

"Hey Lis, if a red house is made of red bricks and a blue house is made of blue bricks, what's a green house made of?" Bart asked.

"... Glass..." Lisa sighed as she heard that joke dozens of times.

...

Later Bart and Oscar were in Bart's treehouse bored because Monopoly afternoon got abruptly stopped because of Maggie constantly eating the little green plastic houses.

"I'm bored..." Bart groaned.

"I can't wait till we're grown up. Then we could smoke..." said Oscar.

"How about we play in your mom and dad's wardrobe again?" asked Milhouse.

"Okay but if it leads to Narnia..." Bart replied.

Meanwhile Homer was doing his laundry in the basement.

"Hey! I'm missing a sock!" He crawls into the washing machine and ends up in Narnia.

"Hello! I am Mr Tumnus!" said Mr Tumnus holding a sock.

"Hey! Give me my sock back you hairy goat bastard!" Homer yelled.

Mr Tumnus ran off making a goat sound.

"Mom can I go round to Milhouse's?" Bart asked.

"I thought you were out in the yard playing catch with Artie?" Marge asked.

"Yeah but the ice cream man came and when he cut up Artie's credit card he sort of got depressed..." said Bart.

Marge screamed when she found Artie trying to hang himself from the kitchen ceiling fan.

"Homer take him out somewhere..." said Marge after they cut Artie down before he could asphyxiate himself.

Later Homer took Artie Ziff to his local bar, Moe's. However it was Jon Lovitz night.

"Hey guys this is my new friend Artie Ziff." said Homer.

At the bar were: Aristotle Amandopolis, owner of the Shelbyville Nuclear Power Plant, Jay Sherman, Professor Lombardo the art critic and Llewelyn Sinclair the strict drama teacher.

"Helllooooooooo! Handsome!" They said.

"Freaks..." Artie Ziff sighed.

Then he sold Homer Ziff Corp shares and um the FBI really wanted a strong word with him and a long prison sentence for tax evasion.

But in my canon Homer and Artie go home to read Homer's kids bed time stories.

"(Artie reading the Corrections)" And something involving Denise.

"Thaks for reading me the Corrections, Artie." said Lisa lying in bed.

"doesn't you dad ever read to you?" Artie asked.

"No he stopped after he confused the books with reality." said Lisa. "He is still looking for that chocolate factory to this day... it haunts him... it consumes him..."

Oscar laughed.

Lisa sighed at him for finding her Dad being weird over a kid's story book funny.

Meanwhile Marge and Homer read Maggie a pop up book on prisoners doing nasty things to each other!

"And Johnny is carving an ice pick. Can you help Johnny ice Pete for squealing? Oh lord!" Marge disliked the book.

"Let me read to her!" said Homer taking the book. "Johnny and the boys want to make Daddy pay in his sleep with some gasoline and a lit match... Look Maggie! Daddy's on fire! Daddy's not on fire! Daddy's on fire! Daddy's not on fire!" Homer repeated.

Maggie giggled and laughed.

"Oh for Pete's sake! Daddy's not on fire!" Marge snapped.

Maggie cried.

"Okay! He is on fire!" Marge sighed.

Maggie giggled.

Marge was concerned by her pyromania...

...

The next day Marge invited Dr Hibbert round to diagnose Maggie's fixation with her daddy being on fire. Maggie decided to be a Rigel VII hybrid again with her green tentacles slithering about.

"Well Doctor?" Marge asked.

"I recommend fire! And lots of it!" Dr Hibbert gasped.

Maggie laughed.

"Hmmmmmm! That's your solution to everything..." Marge sighed.

Maggie hissed and latched onto Hugo's face with her tentacles wrapped round his head. The Simpsons gasped as Hugo cried muffled cries trying to pull tentacle mutant Maggie off of his face.

"Coooool! Alien!" said Oscar.

Bart winced at him. Concerned for his mental state.

Then the Simpsons discussed Charlie and the chocolate factory again.

"Hmmm... I've got it! Remember when we read "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" together?" Homer asked.

"As I recall your father ate the book before we could finish!" said Marge.

Oscar screamed with hysterical laughter.

Bart sighed annoyed by his shrill laughter.

"Mmm... delicious chocolaty fiction." said Homer.

Oscar was still in fits of laughter.

...

Things got worse with Maggie's pyromania and Homer confusing fantasy with reality.

"I hate you Aunt Fatty and Aunt Smellma I'm going to live in a giant peach with giant insects and fly in it to America!" Homer cried and stormed off after Marge's sisters were rude to him again.

Marge sighed.

Then Maggie took advantage of Selma leaving her zippo lighter on the kitchen table within her grasp and grabbed it.

"Maggie no!" Marge gasped as Maggie flicked the flame on and giggled as she looked at it flicker.

Patty and Selma gave their two cents. Bart was witness to his baby sister's new found obsession with fire.

"Cooooool! Mwuhahahaha!" Bart laughed. "Hey Maggie, remember when Daddy wouldn't go to church and accidentally set the house on fire?"

Maggie remembered a Homer the Heretic when her daddy accidentally set the house on fire. Homer was in the lounge that was on fire and running around on fire and screaming.

Maggie giggled and laughed.

"Bart don't encourage her!" Marge scolded Bart.

...