Dude, Where's my Ranch? Homer sings a rude song about Ned trying to come up with an original Christmas song, fed up with his popularity he takes the family to the old west. Meanwhile Bart in the future and Future Oscar wake up hung over and amnesiac with Ashton Kutcher. Also starring Cleany as a Gollum like old ranch hand, George and Lenny. No Carl has gone on vacation and it's not that Lenny... and chocolate pudding.

Plot

The couch gag is the Simpsons enter the living room as Mimes pretending there's glass walls everywhere.

It is the Christmas holidays one evening and out in the snowy night wrapped up warm, the Simpson's are singing carols to houses.

"Silver bells, silver bells!"

They are singing to a family Snake is holding hostage while he robs them... XD

"Oh! Like, that is so moving!" said Snake crying. "Yo, family isn't that beautiful!" He asked his hostages bound and gagged. They nodded.

Then the Simpsons were at Mr Burns's mansion. "Walking in a winter wonderland!" They were singing.

"Exquisite! Simply exquisite!" said Mr Burns applauding them. "Makes me wish I hadn't released the hounds..."

The Simpsons and Oscar ran off screaming chased by angry Doberman hounds.

"Should I call them off sir?" Smithers asked.

"Oh no. It's their Christmas too!" said Mr Burns.

Then at Krusty's.

"Have a nice holiday, have a nice holiday. Have a nice holiday! Non Christian friends!" The Simpsons sung awkwardly and bandaged up from being mauled by Mr Burns's hounds.

"That was terrible!" Krusty ranted as he smoked a cigar. "That was worse than I'm dreaming of a whitefish Christmas and We wish you A merry Messugah and a Happy Hanukkah!"

"I closed my dressing gown for this?!" He added.

"Gee thanks Krusty..." Bart sighed annoyed.

"We wish you a merry Christmas! We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year!" They sung.

They were suddenly interrupted by the annoying blue haired lawyer. "Cease and desist! You may not sing that carol! It is copyrighted by yada yada yada something involving Mr and Mrs Christmas."

"No it's not! No one owns Christmas carols..." said Homer. "They're like grapes in the Super market, they're for everyone..."

"On the contrary they do! Now you are more than happy to write your own royalty free carols. But you can't use the notes C and D. They belong to Disney." said Blue haired lawyer.

"Come on kids let's go home..." Homer sighed in defeat.

"No no no! We are not letting this Scrooge ruin our carol singing!" Oscar stopped Homer.

"But he's a lawyer! A successful lawyer!" said Homer.

"He is also being moronic about copyright. And I know my way round copyright laws." Oscar got out his laptop. "Ah here. Merry Christmas was sung as early back as the early eighteen hundreds! Therefore what ever copyright it had is expired! And copyright didn't exist then anyway so (makes a raspberry noise with his tongue.)" Oscar schooled the annoying blue haired lawyer in copyright law.

"Fine. You win this round!" Blue haired Lawyer went inside and slammed his door in a huff. Then he realised something. "Are you using my WiFi?!"

"You should really password protect your WiFi..." said Oscar.

"You should mind your own business!" Blue haired Lawyer ranted and slammed his door shut.

"Woohoo!" The Simpsons cheered and high fived.

"It feels great to shut up that annoying attorney!" Homer cheered. "Thanks boy!" He carried Oscar.

"Hey. Some lawyers are like bullies. They get big headed and think they can stifle things like singing carols with frivolous lawsuits. You gotta play them at their own game." said Oscar.

And so they went off singing more carols until frostbite took their noses and fingers and they went home. Cue their noses turning black from cold and crumbling off.

"Oooooh!" The Simpsons and Oscar whined.

...

They went inside. Homer saw the piano, with mustard splattered under it, as usual. He felt musical this evening. Oh and everyone's noses and fingers miraculously regenerated between scenes.

"If I can make my own clothes, I can write music!" said Homer. His clothes promptly unstitched themselves at the seams and ripped everywhere. Forming a pile of rags at his feet.

"Ooooooooh!" Homer sighed standing there in his underwear.

"Homer maybe you should get dressed before sitting at the piano by the front windows..." said Marge. "Someone might see you!"

"Good heavens!" A posh lady at the windows fainted.

"The transcript says I have to sit here playing the piano. If narrator wants to be smart alecky he'll have to write me playing the piano in my undies..." said Homer.

Marge sighed as Homer played in his underwear as she scooped up his poorly made clothes that unravelled themselves back into rags and cloth.

Homer played the piano badly, despite his career in the B Sharps.

"Christmas in December, whoa, whoa, whoa! Give me loads of presents! Now, now, now!" He sung off key.

"Well hi diddly ho my unclothed neighbourino!" said Ned having been let in somehow.

"Ugh Flanders..." Homer sighed sitting there in his underwear.

"Writing carols hey? That's super!" said Ned. "In fact the only thing more Christian would be to do it together!" said Ned sitting at the piano with him.

Ned played some notes. "There's a stranger in the manger, and his name is love..." sung Ned.

Baby Jesus screamed as a strange man was in the manger along with his parents, the shepherds and the wise men.

"Hi Jesus! I'm Mr Love!" said the strange man.

Baby Jesus gurgled and babbled confused.

...

Homer threw Ned Flanders outside.

"Oh I get it. You want me to sit out here and come up with the chorus?" Ned asked getting out a notepad as he sat in the snow.

"Flanders, I am a patient man! But even I have my limits! Get off my property!" said Homer. He got a hose and squirted Ned but the sub zero, icy temperatures froze the stream of water to ice instantly. "D'oh!"

"Why thank you Homer! A Christmas popsicle of my favourite flavour! Plain!" said Ned breaking off an icicle and licking it.

Homer growled and snapped off the icy stream of water. But he squirted the hose in his face and the stream froze solid over his face making him look silly.

Bart saw this happening and laughed hysterically.

Homer broke out of the ice and went inside shutting the door behind him furiously.

"Stupid Flanders! Lousy no good... how am I supposed to write a song with him bothering me all the time... Eureka!" Homer ranted sitting at the piano. Then he got an idea and wrote lyrics and notes.

Homer plays the notes.

"Everybody in the USA, hates their stupid neighbour..." he sings. Then he thinks up a clever line to follow. "He's Flanders and he's really, really laaaaaame!" Homer sung.

He was then later fully dressed and playing the song to his family.

"Flanders tried to wreck my song! He's views on birth control are wrong!" sung Homer.

"Says the Dad with four kids when Ned has Two!" Oscar sung.

"Dad are you saying Birth control is bad...?" Lisa asked.

"No I meant the other... Stupid logic! And it even counts as Oz said if we don't count Hugo!" Homer screwed up his notes. "Oh Marge! Why did we have so many kids?!"

"Because Bub! You wouldn't use a condom! Now stop singing horrible songs about Ned!" Marge replied.

"Never said Homer.

"I hate his guts and Flanders is his naaaaaaame!" Homer sung.

...

Homer is in the lounge one morning playing his mean song.

"F L A! N R D S! He's the man that I hate best! I'd really like to see his house go up in flaaaaaames!" Homer sung at the piano.

"Excuse me, I've been researching indigenous folk songs of Springfield and I couldn't help overhearing your delightful cruel song!" said David Byrne of Talking Heads.

"Oh my god! David Byrne! Singer! Artist! Composer! Director and Talking Head?!" Homer gasped.

"I also wrestled under the name El Diablo." David Byrne sparred.

"I thought that was Phillip Glass." Homer asked.

"He wishes..." said David Byrne.

"Well mister, if you like my song so much, why not buy a tape? It's already rewound." Homer offered him a cassette tape.

"No thanks." said David Byrne. "But I would like to record and produce it with you and make you very rich!"

"Woohoo!" Homer cheered.

In a recording studio Homer and David listened to the song playing.

"F L A! His name is Ned! E R S! It's a stupid name!"

"It's worse than Frankenstein or Dr Nooooooo!" Homer sung.

On Crab Key Islands Dr No was listening to the song on his radio and was furious with Homer for insulting his name.

He clutched his metal hands in fists with rage.

"Oddjob destroy Homer Simpson!" He barked.

Oddjob from Goldfinger also works for Dr No in the James Bond Jr cartoon.

"You can't upset him, even slightly. He just smiles and nods politely!" David Byrne sung. Are we just ignoring Hurricane Neddy now?! "Then goes home and worships nightly. His leftorium is an emporium of woe!"

In a recording booth for putting in sound effects.

"F L A! Don't yell at Ned! E R S! His wife is dead!" Homer sung in a silly high voice mocking Ned. Homer pushed a button to record a woman screaming horribly over the song.

David gave him a concerned and disgusted look for mocking a widower.

...

Homer's song was so popular he played it at a funky disco Disco Stu frequently danced at. Disco Stu groves to the song along with angry Valentinos, whatever they are. Husbands upstaged by Apu in The Sweetest Apu?

"Oh by the monkey god Hanuman! Marge come quickly! Apu has Han Solo'd himself in chocolate for me again!" said Manjula desperately to Marge in the kitchen pulling her along.

"Oh my!" Marge gasped.

They found outside the Nahasa-Rama lama ding dong thingy's apartment a giant box of chocolates with a chocolate encased Apu inside.

"Help! Help! I can't breath!" Apu cried. He broke out gasping for breath.

...

Then even Lovejoy allowed the song to be sung at church by a choir. Probably because Ned annoys him with phone calls at night.

An adult choir was singing. Yes adults sing in choirs as well as little boys.

"And Ned Flanders is his naaaaaaaame!" the choir sung.

And Homer annoyed David by wearing costumes with him as a two headed monster.

"What outfit are we wearing next Dave?!" Homer asked popping out of his choir robes.

David shook his head exasperated.

...

However Homer's song soon got annoying for poor Homer.

"Looks like we're halfway through our same song six pack, Bill!" said Marty.

"Well Marty, here is the William Shatner spoken word version of Stupid Flanders." said Bill.

"Ah." said Maggie, according to the official transcripts wiki! Oh my goodness! "Another cover?! My god, just let it die..."

"Oh your god! Mom! Maggie talked!" Lisa gasped.

"Stop being silly Transcripts Wiki on Fandom dot com!" Marge said sharply. "That was Homer's line!"

"This is indeed a disturbing universe!" said Maggie.

Bart sighed and put her pacifier in her mouth. She sucked it.

"Everybody in the USA. Hates their stupid neighbour. He is the Flanders man, the Flanders man, the..." William Shatner spoke but Homer shut off the radio.

"Ugh! I am so sick of hearing that song! I hate my own creation! This must be how God feels!" said Homer.

"Or Dr Frankenstein." said Hugo reading Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.

"Shut up boy!" Homer said sharply.

"Why don't we take a vacation and get away from that song for a while?" said Marge, then, according to the official transcript she repeated herself. "Why don't we take a vacation and get away from that song for a while?"

"Excellent idea sweetie! You don't have to tell me twice!" said Homer kissing her.

"Yes I know..." Marge sighed rolling her eyes. Really Transcripts Wiki...

"Let's see..." Homer had stolen a leaflet kiosk from somewhere.

"I still think you should have left that at the motel..." said Marge.

"It said take one..." said Homer. One leaflet Homer. Not the whole kiosk...

"Let's see..." Homer said going through the leaflets. "Balloon ride... Wax museum... The Denzel Washington Monument..." Oscar laughed hysterically. "Colonial Phoenix..."

"Hey! Dude Ranch! And there's no radio or TV so we don't have to listen to your stupid song!" said Bart.

"I don't know... without TV or Beer I go crazy." said Homer.

"Well don't go Treehouse of Horror V then..." said Bart.

"How about Walter Gropius's Bauhaus Village?" Lisa suggested.

"What? And fight the crowds? Forget about it! We're going with Bart's idea!" said Homer.

Lisa sighed.

Plot 2

Meanwhile ten years or so in the future.

An alarm clock buzzed. Bart as an adult woke up sleepy and hung over. "What did I drink last night... hey this isn't my apartment I share with Ralph!"

"It's not my uncle's flat either..." said Oscar waking up. As an adult he was wearing a vest and had a little douche bag beard.

"Ay carumba! Why are we in the same bed?!" Bart gasped.

"Hey dudes." said a young Ashton Kutcher having just woken up.

"Ashton Kutcher?!" Bart and Oscar gasped.

"Ohhhh my head..." said Seann William Scott hung over.

"Seann William Scott?!" Bart and Oscar gasped.

"Why are we sharing a two bedroom apartment?!" Bart asked.

"Like dude... we're clueless as well!" said Ashton Kutcher. "We went out and drank a few brewskis..."

"And smoked some hash man..." said Seann.

"Then we woke up here with you guys..." said Ashton.

"Well my head hurts and my breath stinks of booze, so the same happened to us too." said Oscar.

"Or that you've got as trapped in trending college frat boy movies again like that time we travelled through time in a phone booth with Bill and Ted..." said Bart getting up and stretching.

...

In the lounge of the apartment, Animal Planet was on. The episode was about animals using twigs and rocks as tools to get food.

Bart grimaced in disgust at the nature programme and switched it off.

"Hey like dudes..." said Ashton Kutcher from the kitchen. "Like who filled the fridge up with chocolate pudding..." the fridge was full of containers of chocolate pudding.

"I did..." said Oscar collecting up the empty beer cans.

"Why man?" Ashton Kutcher asked.

"Because I've lost control of my life..." said Oscar.

"Oz no!" Bart whined hung over and sore from drinking.

Suddenly the apartment phone rung.

"Dude! We have a phone!" Ashton Kutcher made a big deal about them having a phone. Then he answered it.

There was angry females yelling on the other line.

"Uh huh? Oh... oh!" said Ashton before putting the phone down. Seann came in.

"Seann, that was our twin girlfriends, Wilma and Wanda. They're mad at us for some reason."

Oscar was thinking of Wilma Flintstone and Wanda from Fairly Odd Parents.

Bart sighed and popped his thinking cloud.

...

The young hung over men got showered and dressed. Oscar was the last as he slipped on his trademark blue sweater with green triangles on it. Now the look of a sweater and shorts just made him look sexy to the girls rather than adorable like when he was a child.

To Ashton and Seanne's horror. Jesse's car was gone!

"Dude, where's our car?" Seann or Ashton asked.

"Yaaaaay! He said the line..." said Oscar grinning slightly numb from drinking still.

"And it looks like it was our girlfriend's anniversary!" said Seanne finding wrapped presents to their sweethearts. Awwwwww!

"Awwwwww! How romantic..." said Oscar.

Then the phone rang again. Seann answered. This time it was an angry older man shouting.

"Jesse, we've just been fired..." said Seann as Chester.

"Oh what a bummer..." Ashton as Jesse groaned.

The boys had a weird priority over getting there car back. Their girlfriends promised them a treat that they took to mean sex and decided that that was their sole objective to getting their car back. The fact they'd just been fired and had no income to pay the rent didn't matter to them.

...

The present.

The Simpsons as their usual ages arrived at the Dude Ranch. A cowboy themed ranch holiday park with no radio or TV.

"Or Internet." said the wardens in charge of the holiday park.

"No internet?!" Oscar was horrified.

"Well there is a DSL connection in the back office... or you can tap into the internet via your cabin fridge." said the warden. The fridges have Internet?!

"Hmmmph! If those Fridges are so smart they'd know to be full of hot pockets and Bologna when I get there!" said Homer.

A warden or councillor for the holiday park was acting as a tour guide for the park's history.

"And in 1881, 56 Indians lost their lives (Lisa was triggered by the word Indian) and 4 brave Americans lost their hats." said the ignorant tour guide.

"Sobbing. Those poor hats!" Homer was crying about hats.

Lisa snapped. "This whole place is appalling! It's built on the legacy of cruelty to animals and the oppression of indigenous people!" She ranted.

"Just our way of making you feel welcome!" said the park councillor.

"You're not even listening to me!" Lisa yelled.

"I never do! Yeehaw!" Now suddenly the councillor was speaking like a cowboy.

"Yeehaw! I love this place!" Rich Texan cheered shooting his guns in the air. His gay grandson Avery joined in with his pop guns.

Lisa growled and stormed off.

...

Bart and Homer were getting on the horses.

Homer grunted and failed to climb on a horse as it bucked him off. He groaned from wherever he was kicked.

A cowboy expertly got on his horse.

"Yeehaw!" He cheered.

Bart snarked. "I'll show you how they get on horses where I co e from!"

He called out something very childish that would normally get him a wedgie from Jimbo. "Daddy! I need upsies!" He asked in a childish manner.

"Coming sweetie!" said Homer. He helped Bart up on the horse and kissed him. Bart made a rude sound with his tongue at the cowboys.

"Well he sure showed us..." said the cowboys.

"D'awwwwwwwww!" Oscar cooed thinking that was cute.

"Haw haw! I'm not gonna let you live that down when that gets round school!" said Nelson.

"Oh shoot!" Bart blushed.

...

Then Lisa met a cowboy who actually cared about the environment and creatures.

"Mama rattlesnake would be mighty sore if you scrambled her eggs." He warned Lisa as she was about step on some rattlesnake eggs. She backed away and a rattlesnake curled herself up on the eggs and hissed and rattled her tail.

"Uh huh, it's nice to see someone here who cares about animals." said Lisa giving him a go on... look.

"Then you missy will want to meet Sugarlumps, my pony, she'll show you around." said the young boy.

Lisa saw a beautiful pony. "Ooooooh! Ponies... No wait! I'm sure Sugarlumps doesn't want someone's backside riding on her all day!" said Lisa.

"That's a shame, I need someone to help me put up these No hunting and Free Tibet signs." said the boy dressed as a cowboy.

Lisa suddenly flung herself at him and snogged him. She giggled. "Sorry I came on a bit strong... hehehehe..."

"That's okay missy." said the boy.

...

Meanwhile Marge and Homer had a picnic with an old gold panner called Cookie.

"That was a lovely picnic Cookie! But who will clean up our garbage?" Marge asked finishing her tea.

"Oh don't worry, Cleanie will clean up." said Cookie.

Suddenly a crazy old man crawled out of Cookie's wagon muttering like Gollum and collected up all the plates and things. "My precious!" Then he scuffled off.

"Um okay..." said Homer.

"Coooool!" Oscar thought Cleanie acting like Gollum was cool.

Suddenly some natives arrived. Or Indians as Homer would call them.

"Would you like to be photographed in my great grandfather's headdress?" An Indian/Native asked taking off his feather headdress.

"He unified the western plains against the white man." said another Indian.

"Five dollars or three for twelve?" The first Indian asked.

"Sure why not," said Homer paying for three photos and putting on the feather headdress.

But someone spoiled his fun.

"Young man! There's no need to feel down! I said young man! Pick yourself off the ground! I said young man! Cos your in a new town! There's no need to be unhappy!" Hugo sung while dressed as a gay man in leather with a leather cap.

"Grrrrrr!" Homer lunged at Hugo and strangled him. "Stop ruining these indigenous people with gay stereotypes!"

(Hugo wheezing and choking)

Marge sighed and face palmed.

...

Meanwhile in the future.

Mooch Bart in his Hawaiian shirt and shorts, Oscar dressed in his usual fashion went with Jesse and Chester to find Jesse's car. Along the way they encountered a transsexual stripper.

"Aaaaaaaaaagh! That lady has a man's dinky!" Oscar screamed.

"Oz it's a penis... you're 25 stop talking like you're five..." Bart sighed as Jesse and Chester laughed.

Then at a Chinese takeaway drive through they argued with a belligerent talking box.

"No I not see you'll cal! You el lude Amelicans! Go away! Me rikey to kick youl ass!" said Chin Kee from the drive through talking box.

Then Jesse and Chester discovered they had tattoos on their backs and did the bit...

"What does mine say?" Chester asked.

"Sweet!" said Jesse. "And mine?"

"Dude!" said Chester.

"Sweet!"

"Dude!"

"Sweet!"

"Dude!"

"Sweet!"

"Dude!"

Bart and Oscar sighed as this went on and on.

"Well mine says Mother, on a gold banner with a red love heart behind it. Unfortunately my mom did not like it..." said Bart mentioning his tattoo from the very first episode.

Then they were kidnapped suddenly by UFO cultists and brought before their leader the almighty Zoltan.

Zoltan's cultists has dressed them all I up in bubble wrap.

Bart, Oscar, Jesse and Chester took to popping the bubbles on each other's bubble wrap while Zoltan as trying to be serious about taking them all into outer space. Probably to meet Xenu.

They kept popping each other's bubble wrap.

Then suddenly two fat cultists cane in saying Jesse and Chester and stolen their bubble wrap jumpsuits.

Then Jesse and Chester argued they didn't.

Then Zoltan revealed he knew they were Jesse and Chester and that he was evil for some reason and had kidnapped their sweethearts Wilma and Wanda. Um okay...

Plot 3

The present.

After Homer hat finished strangling Hugo. He proposed an alternative photograph that had no gay connotations or Village People references. "How about one where I'm dressed as Rambo and Marge is dressed as Betty Boop?"

"Oh you mean the package deal?" said the natives.

"And this is supposed to save our marriage..." Marge sighed.

"I thought you guys lived off the land?" Homer asked the natives. "Why are you selling junk to us jerks?"

"We used to live and farm in bountiful valley." said an Indian showing them around. "But the river was dammed up to make that lake, by our sworn enemy. The beaver..." he pointed out a dan with cartoon beavers on it.

Oscar laughed. "Hehehe! Beavers..."

"Why don't you just chase the beavers away?" Marge asked.

"Because the beaver is our god. Yes we know it's stupid. In retrospect, it was a poor choice..." said the Indians.

"Bow down to me and my almighty buck teeth! For I am the Angry beaver!" said Oscar dressed as a beaver with buck teeth and a big wet shiny black nose.

"So are we..." said Dagget and Norm.

The Simpsons sighed at Oscar's antics.

...

"You people are guests in my country! The beavers have no right to treat you that way!" said Homer. "If I chase them away, will you people build a casino?"

"What is it with you white people and casinos and Natives?! That is a stereotype! But yes we will build a casino." said the Native.

Lisa was hanging about with the animal loving Free Tibet boy called Luke.

"Oh Luke..." she sighed in love.

"Oh my! I didn't gasp like that till I was eighteen!" said Marge. Oh my god they're doing it!

Meanwhile Homer and Bart tried to scare off the beavers.

"Hey! (Famous person with bad teeth)" Homer yelled. "Yeah you furry things!"

The beavers attacked him.

First they bit him. "Ow! Ow! Ahhh! No! I wanted to die choking on my food!"

Then using mud and their tails they added him to the dam, sticking him down with mud. "Okay..."

"Dad!" Bart lassoed him and pulled him to safety.

"Woohoo! So long suckers!" said Homer.

But beavers attacked Bart with toothbrushes and toothpaste.

"What?!" Bart asked as the beavers brushed his teeth.

"Brush up! Brush up! Brush up! Get the new Ipana! It's dandy for your teeth!" The beavers sung. Cos they're cartoon beavers.

Then one of French and Rizzo's friends, the one with black hair in pigtails started singing "Brush up, Brush up brush up! Get the new Ipanaaaa!" But Rizzo threw a cushion at her.

Then Oscar came to the rescue but was annoyed by the beavers cartoon lisps.

"(Whistle caused by enormous buck teeth) sixty six percent! (Whistle) I ain't deaf sonny!" said a beaver whistling because of his buck teeth every time he said a S.

"Right that's it! You can handle these cartoon beavers on your own! I'm off to drink some Mine Mine Beer!" Oscar ranted.

"Uh, we're minors. It's Mine Mine Cola..." said Irreep. She was selling a Cola marketed by the seagulls from Finding Nemo.

"Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!" seagulls on the kiosk Ireep was selling Mine Mine cola from squawked.

...

Lisa was hanging about with her latest boyfriend.

"Thanks for showing me some people here care about animals, Luke." said Lisa.

"Well I did just convert to vegetarian and I'm a devout Buddhist." said Luke.

Lisa sighed romantically.

Hugo gagged in disgust. "I'll just mosey over here and- aaaaaaah! Oof!" He fell down a hole.

"Hugo! Are you alright?" Lisa asked.

"Free range... my ass." Hugo groaned.

...

Evening.

The sun was setting but there was a silhouette of a cartoon beaver on it.

"I'm a beaver on the horizon!" said a cartoon beaver.

"Ireep..." Oscar sighed. His friend was obsessed with cartoon beavers.

Everyone was having dinner cooked by Cookie.

"Tonight, you're gonna be swimming next to a matzo ball!" said Cookie cooking.

Jurkle, Oscar's Jewish friend was eating matzo ball soup.

Bart face palmed.

Lisa watched the clouds with Luke.

Marge decided for now Lisa's new boyfriend was nice. But Marge annoyed Lisa by talking like someone from the old west. "Shucks Lisa, you've taken a shine to that there cow poke."

"Mom why are you talking like that..." Lisa sighed.

"Don't righty know! I jus soaked up the lingo like a biscuit in a bucket full of gopher gravy!" said Marge.

Oscar was playing with a Gordon the Gopher puppet.

"Mom stop now..." Lisa found her trying to speak the local lingo annoying.

Then Lisa explained Luke was thirteen.

Marge gasped. "But you're only eight!"

"So? When I'm eighteen he'll only be twenty three!" said Lisa.

Yeah but right now Luke is probably in that stage here he's growing hair on his face... and other areas... using deodorant and studying personal health science in class..." said Oscar. (Sex education...)

Luke was applying a roll on deodorant to his armpits.

"Eeeeeew! Okay I'll stick to prepubescents..." said Lisa.

...

However she stayed with Luke till it got late.

"Lisa wanna come for a ride?" Luke asked riding his pony.

"Well, it is 10 o clock, and the moon is big..." said Lisa.

"You should see when it's full." said Luke.

It was full. Because Kyle and Caiden turned into werewolves. They howled.

"Aroooooooooo!"

"Oz stop referencing that diaper fetish baby fur artist..." Bart sighed.

Soft country music played as Lisa was helped onto Sugarlumps. And she rode off with Luke.

"Oh no! They're making beautiful music together!" Marge cried.

"Would you rather they made horrible music together...?" Oscar sighed.

Homer and Bart are too busy planning an attack on the beavers.

"Flank here, flank here. Take note of the wind direction..." said Homer.

"Coincide with the beaver holiday..." said Bart.

"Happy Beaver day!" Oscar cheered dressed as a beaver dressed as a Canadian Mountie.

"No!" Bart yelled.

...

"Homer! I'm worried about our kids. Lisa's growing up too fast!" Marge yelled.

"Beef hormones and fluorescent lights for ya Marge..." said Homer.

"Lisa doesn't eat meat!" Marge explained exasperated. "I'm worried! Lisa's going out with that boy and oh my god! Look at Maggie!"

Maggie was on a bed dressed as Britney Spears as Oops I did it again! played. She danced while posing with a can of Buzz cola and opening it.

"Um okay... that is really, really weird..." said Homer.

...

The future.

If Jesse and Chester ever wanted to see Wilma andWanda again, they had to get Zoltan a goofily named piece of science equipment with technical name like quantum phased neutraliser or something.

Along the way they encountered a Cantonese Chinese tailor. I'm assuming they were in his shop when they were checking out their tattoos.

Then they encountered a Zen minded Nelson Muntz who in a state of Zen had given up violence and took to meditation.

"Okayyyy..." said older Bart as he watched Nelson meditate.

"Ooooooom..."

Nelson also had a dog now. It was called Jackal and loved to eat cannabis. It was very high right now.

"What's up dweebs? I'm trying to achieve enlightenment..." said Nelson.

"Um let's leave him alone..." said Bart.

Then they encountered the attractive girl called Christie Boner.

"Mmmmmm! Boner..." said Oscar aroused.

But Christie was spoken for. And her boyfriend was an aggressive jock.

"Hey stay away from my girl! Beat it losers!" The angry jock threatened Bart, Oscar, Jesse and Chester.

Then they encounter hard nosed police detectives.

When the detectives determined their innocence, except Chester who got arrested for carrying a bag of weed. They then got captured by a reclusive French ostrich farmer!

"What the?!" Bart gasped.

They were on an ostrich farm with a stereotypical French man with an outrageous accent.

"Honhonhonhon! J'adore, J'a da window? I don't care! Honhonhon! My cheese! She smells so much! Sacre bleu!"

Bart sighed. "Get rid of that walking stereotype now!"

But Oscar was distracted by the ostriches pecking at Alvin Hall as he tried to talk about saving money.

Then..."

"Hello there boys..." said John Challis as Colin the talking ostrich.

"Go away Colin..." said Bart.

"Yeah go away..." said Oscar.

Meanwhile Jesse and Chester took the ostriches way too seriously like they were dangerous animals.

"They are dangerous! I saw this animal planet! They can disembowel you with their talons!" said Chester.

An ostrich kicked Oscar slicing him open. "Aaaaagh! My guts!" He screamed as he bled profusely and his intestines fell out.

"Eeeeew!" said Bart.

...

The present.

Homer and Bart planned a attack on the beavers, Oscar decided the Simpsons needed more old west friends like Cookie and Buck McCoy and maybe the golden nugget cereal cowboy/gold prospector.

Lisa thought Luke already had a girlfriend but actually she was his sister.

Then Bart and Homer faced the leaders of the beaver colony. The beaver Simpsons! Cue the Simpsons in beaver costumes with cartoonish buck teeth.

"This Damn house!" said beaver Bart.

"Bart watch your language!" said Beaver Marge.

"But that's where we live! A dam!" said Beaver Bart.

A studio audience groaned at his bad joke.

"Mom! Dad! Maggie's grown her first tooth!" said a blond sorority girl actress playing the role of Lisa because she refused to be in the spin off episode spectacular's third act. Beaver Maggie smiled showing off a single buck tooth.

"Awwwwwwww!" A studio audience cooed.

Human Bart and human Homer rolled their eyes at their beaver counterparts.