Trust
The sun was setting, the temperature dropping along with it. It was still early enough in the fall it wouldn't get too horribly cold, but over the last hour or so, Jasmine started to wish she'd worn thicker clothes. She zipped her jacket and turned the collar up, blocking out some of the breeze. Glancing around, she remembered a time many, many years ago when she'd slept in that very park, tucked away in the brightly painted playground equipment or in the recesses of one of the doors leading into the building. Neither option did much to provide her with shelter from the elements, but it'd kept her hidden from sight.
Many of those nights were far colder.
Spotting Thane next to the community center, talking to Rone and Drali, she started their way. She didn't want to intrude on their conversation, but she did want to cuddle up to her husband and steal his warmth. And maybe give him some of hers, too. She stopped a few meters out, though, when she noticed Kolyat cutting across the park, making a beeline straight for her.
"Jasmine," Kolyat said as he grew near, "I wanted to offer you my condolences for your recent loss."
Fighting back the urge to wince, she put a small smile on her face instead. "Thank you, Kolyat." She shoved her hands into her jacket pockets and waited, realizing he had more he wanted to say.
"Father also mentioned you lost your mother and father as a child," he said, tugging his jacket closed over his chest, "and this also saddens me, truly. However, knowing only a few months ago, you lost your second mother in such a—a ..." He trailed off, his eyes beginning to move behind his ocular scales, likely seeing the horrors from his own past.
As he began to speak in a small, frightened voice about hearing his mother scream and the sound of things being knocked over and broken, Jasmine's heart stalled. Her first thought was to grab him and shake him, or maybe call out to Thane, but then she remembered what her husband taught her to do in that sort of situation.
She took a deep breath and said, "You are standing in a park, and I am here with you now." Her mind didn't settle, cataloging everything in her environment and processing her own sensory input, accepting or rejecting each potential stimuli. "Feel the cool air on your face, and see the colors of the sunset in the sky. Hear the birds singing and the sound of your uncles and father talking nearby. Smell the …" She paused, her brain stalling as she sniffed the cool air herself and came back with nothing in particular. So, she bent down and ripped a handful of grass from the ground, rubbing it between her fingers before holding her hand close to his face. "Smell and taste the sharp, musty scent of the grass, and be here with me now."
Kolyat had stopped talking partway through the memory control exercise, but even after she'd finished, his eyes continued to move as if he struggled to pull himself away. Or perhaps he couldn't find the will to try. Christ, she'd warned Geoffrey and the kids about triggering Kolyat's memories of his mother's death, but she never stopped to think she, herself, might be a trigger after he learned about Karin.
"Kolyat," she said, working to keep her voice free of any emotion, yet solid, strong, an anchor for him to find his way back, "be here with me now."
He blinked a few times and sucked in a sharp, startled sounding breath before meeting her gaze again. His hand trembled as he reached up, running his fingers over his brow ridge and down his temple. "My apologies, I …."
She shook her head and opened her arms. "You don't ever need to apologize to me for getting lost in your memories, Kolyat, no matter how unpleasant they may be."
"You are very kind." He stepped into her embrace, wrapping his arms around her with more strength and certainty than ever before. "I believe Father is, indeed, very lucky to have found you."
She chuckled and rubbed his back. "Maybe I should start telling him that every day. What do you think?"
"Perhaps even twice each day," he said, grinning at her as he stepped back. Then, the smile faded, and his look of solemnity returned. "As I was saying, I think I may be able to understand your pain, and you mine …. I know that I am young still, and you have others to share your grief with, but if ever you feel you need to speak with someone who will know the pain you feel and will listen without judgment, I am here for you."
She swallowed and forced a smile onto her face. Sometimes, he did seem so young—immature, even. At least compared to her experiences with humans his age. Then, at other times, it was like he pulled back a veil to show her a glimpse of a wounded soul, aged well beyond his years. It both broke her heart, and, truthfully, helped her to relate to the kid.
Gently clearing her throat she said, "It means so much to me to hear you say that, but … I'm probably not going to get a lot of things right as your second mother, but I'm pretty sure, putting my emotional burdens on your shoulders would fall into the 'wrong thing to do' category." She offered him a wry smile. "At least for a few more years. The reverse, however, is the right thing to do." She splayed a hand out over her chest. "So, I want you to know that I'm here for you if you ever need to talk about it, okay?"
He dipped his head and then leaned in, quickly pressing his right cheek to hers. He pulled away again before she had the opportunity to respond, and said, "I should help Angela gather her softball equipment." He met her gaze again just long enough to give her a smile and a nod before jogging away.
A little stunned by the abrupt shift, she turned to watch him as he made his way to Angela. Thane appeared by Jasmine's side, silently slipping an arm around her waist, and she leaned against him. Together they watched as Kolyat squatted down at Angela's feet, gathering up one of the bases, and a glove before standing and holding his hand out for the bat she carried. She handed it over to him, and he followed her—Angela still carrying her own armful of softball gear—to Geoffrey's skycar. Rift ran after them, a base in each hand, slapping them against his thighs and knees as he went.
Thane kissed the top of Kolyat's head—something he could barely reach anymore—and patted his back as he ended the embrace. "It was so good to see you, Kolyat. Jasmine and I will be returning to Kahje once Kelena gives birth and is ready to travel. We'll spend a few days there so that I can see my doctors, and then we will accompany all of you back to Earth for the wedding ceremony."
"I look forward to the visit and joining you in celebrating your union, Father." Kolyat tipped his head and added, "I shall miss you, both, until then. I will call you once we are home."
"Thank you, my son." Thane squeezed Kolyat's shoulder. "We will miss you, too."
Kolyat turned to Theodus, having already said his goodbyes to Jasmine. "And you, Cousin. I shall miss you, as well. I hope to see you when Father returns to Kahje."
"I'm not yet certain if I'll be joining them for that trip, but I'll most certainly be at their wedding." He leaned in and gave Kolyat a brief hug. "Take care, Cousin."
Thane pulled Jasmine against his side as they watched Kolyat join his uncles at their rented skycar. A part of him wished they could prolong things, keeping Kolyat there for another few days. He knew, though, his son had school to get back to and Rone was—understandably—anxious to return to his wife. When Rone glanced his way again, Thane lifted his hand, offering him another farewell. Rone smiled, dipping his head, and then climbed into the vehicle after Kolyat settled inside. The skycar lifted into the air and turned, rising higher before flying away. He watched after it a moment longer, such bittersweet feelings washing over him.
Turning, he slid his arms around Jasmine's waist and kissed her before taking a moment to simply study the rainforests of her eyes. She smiled at him, and his lips lifted in automatic response. Pushing stray hairs behind her ear, he cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb along her cool skin, tracing the smooth ridge of bone up toward her temple and back again. She never ceased to amaze him, in so many ways.
"Thank you, siha. For everything you have done for me and for my son," he said, giving her another quick kiss.
Her gaze filled with a love so potent, it stole his breath away and shined a light into the growing darkness of night. She smiled again and then tucked her arms in against his chest, resting her head on his shoulder, snuggled in beneath his jaw. "Every minute of it has been my pleasure, Thane. I love you."
"And I you," he said, holding her tighter.
"And I … am cold," Theodus added after a moment.
Jasmine snorted but nodded as she ended their embrace. "Me, too. Let's go."
The day seemed twice as long as it actually had been, and it wasn't even nine o'clock at night, yet. Jasmine felt worn out even though she hadn't actually done much of anything at the park. She chalked it up to all of the travel over the last couple of weeks; her circadian rhythms had just gone completely to shit. Plus, she'd done a lot of running around with Kolyat in Arizona, hiking through forests and taking in as many of the local attractions as they could squeeze into three days before she stuffed herself back into the skycar to head to New Mexico.
And … it'd been an emotional day.
She wasn't quite ready for sleep, but after a late dinner and a hot shower, all she really wanted to do was stretch out on the hotel's bed for the rest of the night. Convincing her husband to cuddle and watch a movie on the vidscreen would be easy as pie. Then, maybe they'd make love, and she could fall asleep in his arms.
Her brain, however, still had things it insisted on sorting through before she could truly rest.
"Hey," she said, picking up the datapad she'd left on the bedside table and sitting on the bed. "I'm hoping to get a little bit better of an idea of the guest list before we go to Geoffrey's in the morning." She scraped her teeth over her lip and pulled one of her legs up to rest her chin on her bent knee. She looked at the datapad holding the start of their guest list, and took a deep breath. "Obviously your family and mine, but there are a few other people I think it'd be good to have there …" She turned her head to look at Thane. "… if you feel okay with them being there. I know there's a lot to take into consideration with Kolyat and everything …."
Thane closed his omni-tool and left the chair, coming to sit on the bed next to Jasmine. He placed a hand on her back and began absently rubbing up and down along her spine. "Indeed. I confess, it's something that has left me feeling torn in opposite directions as I've tried to consider our options. It is … difficult for me to allow anyone to know of Kolyat let alone meet him, but I also know it's unfair to you and to him for me to hide him away from everything and everyone else in our lives."
"Maybe," she said, bumping him with her shoulder, "but your caution is understandable after everything you two went through."
"Indeed." He nodded and sighed. "I'm still learning to trust he's safe with me in his life, though it does help significantly to know Rah'kira watches over him while he is on Kahje. I have to remind myself that those who sought him harm weren't people I invited into our lives, but allies of men I killed on contract. I may not ever be able to truly trust most people with Kolyat's safety, but this doesn't mean I should assume the worst from everyone, either."
"No, but you should trust your instincts." She shrugged and lifted her chin from her knee to meet his gaze more squarely. "If someone doesn't feel right, they don't feel right, and you don't have to let them be around Kolyat. Doesn't matter who it is or who's feelings you hurt in the process." Lowering her chin and raising her eyebrows, she added, "Even mine."
"Perhaps." He gave her a placating smile and shifted his hand to rest on the small of her back. "I know you, too, have taken on risks by inviting my family into your life as you've done. I trust in you, siha, and you are my wife. This means I must learn to hold the trust you have in others as my own. Tell me, then, who you wish to be at our wedding, and I'll do my best to share the trust you have in them."
"I love you." She leaned into him, tucking her head beneath his chin and wrapping her arms around his waist. "And it means the world to me that you value my judgment, but I don't want to put you in a position to feel sick with worry just because I happen to trust someone. You're more important to me, Thane, and what you think and feel matters more than having anyone in particular at our wedding. Besides, it's your wedding, too. You have the right to a say in who is or isn't there."
He sighed again and rested his face against her head, bringing his free hand up to trace her jaw with his fingertips. "Indeed. Let's discuss, then, shall we? Who would you like to be there, siha?"
"Isaac, definitely," she said without hesitation or second thought, "and I think I'd like to ask Raúl. Ever since Benning … I don't know, I just have a lot more respect for him than I used to. And I trust him entirely when it comes to the idea of keeping our families safe. That's definitely a line he wouldn't cross." She shook her head, knowing beyond a shadow of doubt that Raúl would consider family off-limits even with his worst enemies. "But, what do you think?"
"Ah. I wouldn't dream of denying you Isaac." He laughed and kissed the top of her head. "He already knows of Kolyat's existence, and I presume Raúl does as well, given Isaac told him of his encounters with me prior to Ferris Fields."
Jasmine shrugged and snuggled in closer, urging him back against the headboard. "I don't know what all Isaac shared with him before that night, but," she said and then paused as she used her foot to drag her datapad along the mattress, putting it back within arm's reach, "what I've learned about Raúl and his past, what brought him into this life … I really believe we can trust him when it comes to family."
"Very well." Thane hummed and dragged his hand up her back and over to cup her shoulder. "Then I shall trust him as well. He's given me no reason to think of him as anything less than honorable, and I know, though you made it difficult, he did try to save you as much suffering as he could on Benning."
She snorted and tugged at the lapel of his jacket. She didn't really want to rehash Benning. And she still thought Raúl's attempts to protect her in that situation had more to do with the fact she was a woman than anything else.
They'd both already started having a little more respect for each other's skills and had begun trusting each other on the field after Gellix. She'd stopped viewing him so much as an arrogant asshole who delighted in pettiness, and he quit just seeing someone who looked like the daughter of the man who murdered his child. He'd begun to realize she was capable, and he'd started believing in her mission to destroy Cerberus. Before that, his primary motive for being there was Isaac.
On Benning, though, she'd seen it in his eyes clear as day. Raúl would die long before he ever betrayed what or who he believed in—and he believed in Jasmine.
No, his chivalry wasn't the part of Trauma-Thy-Name-Is-Benning that'd sealed the deal on her trust in Raúl. Their neanderthal of a captive thought by putting them in the same room and making them watch as the other got the shit beat out of them, that he'd be weakening their resolve. Instead, she drew strength from Raúl's presence; from his grit and determination. He just kept on fighting, refusing to cave no matter what that sonofabitch dished out. More than a few times, between heavy blows to his face and abdomen, his gaze latched onto her like she was his life raft, too. They were in that shit together, and in that blood-spattered room, they were all the other had. There wasn't a choice but to trust in one another because without it, they wouldn't have survived.
Thane's fingers brushed along her cheek and tucked damp hair behind her ear, making her blink as she returned to the present. He kissed her forehead and asked, "Is there anyone else you wish to invite?"
His voice was soft and filled with undertones of remorse. She realized she must've gotten lost in her thoughts and let the nightmare show through on her face. If he wasn't going to comment on it, though, she damn sure wasn't going to, either. Instead, she focused on the feel of him in her arms and relaxed back into his side.
"I think Avalina should be there," she said, tipping her head back to meet his gaze, "for your sake more than mine. I really like Avalina, and I want her there, too, but she really cares about you and your happiness. She's been a damn good friend to you."
"Yes, I agree," he said after a moment of thought. "Avalina has more than earned my trust over the years, and my friendship. If you feel confident having her in your home and with your family, then I would very much like to have her there."
"Good." She nodded and let that sit between them for a moment before saying, "I don't know if he'll come, probably not, honestly, but …."
"You'd like to invite Ares," Thane offered her the words she failed to give voice to. Sometimes, he knew her far too well.
She swallowed and nodded. "Yeah."
She knew Ares and Thane never quite clicked the way she did with Ares, but she still hoped maybe someday they would. Probably not exactly the same, but well enough to feel comfortable in each other's presence if not fully relaxed. Even though Thane still swore he owed Ares a debt of gratitude, she knew he didn't fully trust Ares, and he didn't understand why she felt so close to the irritable, brash, trigger-happy turian. And Ares seemed to think Thane actively disliked him, which really wasn't the case.
"And you trust him for this?" Thane asked, his voice so neutral, it must be intentional.
She took a few moments to really think about the question. Yes, Ares could be a bit of a wild card at times. And he did point a gun at her when he found her in Charles' apartment, working him for info on a job. Once she realized the true nature of his relationship with the man, though, she understood, and they moved past it.
Charles remained a secret she carried for Ares, even from Thane—though enough clues had been dropped since then that her husband probably had it all figured out. Still, she didn't speak about Charles to Thane or anyone else, and she knew it'd upset Ares if she did. Was it fair, then, for her to expect Thane to share his secret with Ares? No, no it really wasn't.
She did trust Ares, though, and she believed he trusted her—as much as he was capable of trust—too.
"I think," she said, choosing her words carefully, "that trust—real trust—is extraordinarily difficult for Ares, but that's what makes it something sacred to him. Both to give and to receive. And he's given me quite a bit. Some parts of his life he chose to share with me. Others I learned on my own by chance, and I think, had it been just about anyone else, he very likely wouldn't have hesitated to pull the trigger. Consequences be damned. I do trust Ares, but oddly enough, I think what really matters here, what carries more weight, is that he seems to trust me."
Thane contemplated her words in silence for a few moments, fingertips idly tracing invisible patterns over her arm and shoulder. His body remained relaxed, his expression pensive.
"And, even if—for whatever reason—he decided he was done with you or I and wanted to hurt one of us," she said, giving his waist a reassuring squeeze when his fingers stopped moving, "then he'd hurt us. I can't, for the life of me, imagine Ares going after someone's family." She pushed her lips together, holding his unwavering gaze, and shook her head. "Not when he'd take so much more pleasure in ripping them apart with his bare hands, instead."
"I see," Thane muttered, blinking a few times. "I suppose that is far more likely the case, given his personality and behavior."
Maybe those thoughts shouldn't be comforting, but it seemed they were to them both. Because the sentiment was real. Like Ares. He didn't sugar-coat anything for anyone, and he didn't really do subtle. His words and actions didn't leave a lot of room for deception or misinterpretation. If he didn't want you to know something, he was far more likely to stare at you like you were stupid for even asking than to tell you a lie. If he didn't like you, you knew it. And if he wanted you dead … well, if you were lucky, the bark of his sniper rifle would be the last thing you'd hear instead of your own, agonized screams.
Thane tipped his head, and his gaze drifted away. He remained quiet for a moment more before giving her a decisive nod and saying, "I am willing to have Ares attend."
"Thank you," she said, and snuggled back in against him. With the intensity of the moment behind them, she bit down on a smile and deadpanned, "What about Jack?"
His hand paused mid-stroke down her arm, a startled croak of sound escaping his throat. "Siha, I—"
She burst into laughter.
He huffed and shook his head, pinching her side and making her squeal. "I should've known," he said with a chuckle.
Once her laughter subsided, she asked, "Is there anyone else you want to invite?"
"Indeed," he said, and resumed caressing her arm. "You haven't met her yet, and as you said with Ares, I doubt she will wish to attend, but I feel I should ask Aleha and her husband, nevertheless. If this is agreeable to you."
Jasmine pursed her lips and nodded. "Sure. But if she does come, is she going to be problematic?"
He stopped caressing her arm to run his fingers through her hair instead. "How so?"
She shrugged. "Drali and Kolyat make her seem … less than friendly, and I know she's made you feel unwelcome at family gatherings." Shifting her head back to look up at him, she met his gaze when he did the same. "Does she even know we're together?"
"I … I'm not certain." His brow ridges pulled together and he frowned. "I suppose I should speak with her about these things, soon, whether or not she is to attend the wedding."
"If she's mean to you," Jasmine said, arching an eyebrow and smirking, "can I kick her ass?"
Thane laughed, tightening his grip on her. "Siha!"
"What?" She batted her eyelashes. "You're my husband, I should get to defend your honor or whatever."
Laughter renewed, he buried his face in her neck and playfully scraped his teeth over the juncture of her throat and shoulder. Whether or not he intended for it to, the sensation sent a shock of pleasure and need through her entire body. She moaned and tipped her head to the side, offering her throat to him. He chuckled, the sound rougher, rawer than his laughter from a second before, and he set his teeth to her skin again.
Thane slapped his hand against the wooden headboard, slipping his fingers over the edge, and used it for leverage as he thrust into Jasmine, over and over again. He was lost to her, knowing only her, wanting only her in that moment. Her will was his will; her needs, his own. Their bodies collided with one another, urgent and demanding, consumed with each other as they moved together as one. Electricity coursed through him with every whimper escaping her lips and every pleading pull of her fingertips against his flesh.
More. Deeper. Harder. Faster.
He couldn't contain himself much longer, but he must. He must.
He'd already felt a third climax building within her moments after he'd rolled her to her back, giving her the opportunity to catch her breath and recover from the last one. He'd known it wouldn't come as easily as the others because of the way her body trembled; she'd exerted herself while still on top of him. It was entirely possible it'd slip away from her before taking solid root.
But he also knew if he held on, if he managed to coax her back to the point of no return while in such a state, the intensity of her orgasm would be incomparable. A spiritual experience encompassing the entirety of her being, she'd once called it as he wiped tears she couldn't otherwise explain from her cheeks.
Muscles coiling tighter and tighter, she moved with him, working herself into a fervor. It was driving him mad with the need for release. Her breathing was erratic, her movements beneath him almost frantic. Oh, but she was perfect in every way, and the desperation she created within him … it was too much.
He would endure. He must, though his need might drive him truly insane.
His heart and soul would shatter if she'd come so close to feeling something so divine, only for his body to betray her as she reached the precipice. No, he understood the courage and vulnerability it took for her to expose herself in such a way. It required faith and a willful act of surrender for her to run—physically exhausted and emotionally raw—back to the edge and throw herself over, again. She trusted him to help her see it through to the end and then catch her in his arms, keeping her safe and whole until she landed back on solid ground.
Leaving her stranded in such a moment simply wasn't an option.
"Oh, sweet Arashu," he muttered and nuzzled against her neck, breathing in her scent and tasting the salt on her throat as his lips brushed over sweat. He ground his hips against her, pushing into her, filling her as completely as possible. "You feel incredible," he said next to her ear as he abandoned the headboard to wrap his hand around a fistfull of her hair instead.
She whimpered and tipped her head back and to the side, exposing her throat and pushing the delicate flesh against his lips. He scraped his teeth over her skin, trailing his tongue along her pulse, and she whimpered again. Her fingers tightened around his back and side, nails biting into him, pushing and pulling with his movements as she urged him on. He braced himself with one arm and shifted his knees, somehow finding the strength and leverage to move even faster and harder, slamming into his wife as he sank his teeth into her skin.
"Oh, God, Thane. Don't stop. Fuck, don't stop." She whined, words of praise, pleas, and vulgarities spilling from her lips, only half-coherent. Her fingernails scraped across his back as she struggled to maintain her purchase, dislodging a scale or two in the process.
Suddenly, her mumbled words broke off and her voice twisted into a scream of ecstasy. She arched her back, body spasming, leaving her completely rigid as the first, powerful wave washed over her. He shuddered as her muscles fluttered wildly around him, and the sounds of her pleasure reached down into his core, ripping a groan free from somewhere deep in his chest. Surrendering, he gripped her tighter and followed her over the edge.
