The Parent Rap Bart and Milhouse skip school and joyride Wiggum patrol car and get into serious trouble. They think they'll get off lightly because Snyder is judging but half way through the case he has to catch his flight so Judge Constance Harm takes over gives Bart a serve punishment. Being tethered to his dad at all times!
Then Marge gets fed up and severs the tether incurring Judge Constance's wrath. She sentences them to increasingly harsh punishments so they sink her house boat.
Plot
Bart and Milhouse planned one day to skip school by accidentally missing the bus. On his day off work, Homer took them in an inexplicably new grey car.
"Uh its a temporary car while mine is being repaired..." said Homer.
Homer then starts singing Whitney Houston's And I'll always love you badly.
Bart and Milhouse put their hands on their ears in pain at the terrible singing.
"Nigh! I knew we shouldn't have missed the bus!" said Bart in pain from Homer's singing.
Homer's song finished so he stopped singing.
KBBL's disk jockeys that gave Bart his elephant, Stampy were holding a phone in for prize money or something stupid. The prize money was forty thousand dollars.
"We're gonna win that money aren't we Pengie?" said Homer to a penguin plush on his car wing mirror.
The penguin plushies eyes glowed red and it spoke.
"My name isn't Pengie! It's Mr Flibble! And I'm very cross!" said the penguin plushie.
Homer screamed and crashed into the waffle truck.
"Dad! The waffle truck!" said Bart.
"Mmmmmm! Waffles..." said Homer drooling.
"Mmmmmm! Waffle god! Sacralicious..." Oscar groaned with joy and drooled.
"Oz..." Bart sighed.
"Must have waffles! Can I trust you kids to get to school?" said Homer drooling at the thought of waffles.
"Of course Dad!" said Bart smirking deviously.
"Okay see you later!" said Homer too busy eating waffles.
However Bart didn't go to school instead the went into town.
"Bart...! We're gonna miss our free federal breakfast!" Milhouse whined.
"So?" Bart asked. "It's just sultenes and Malk."
"Or rats milk." said Oscar.
"Eeeeeew! Sultenes..." Milhouse groaned in disgust.
Oscar was inexplicably wearing a red gingham dress, a blond wig in valley girl pigtails and army boots.
"Oz, what are you wearing..." Bart asked giving him a hard look.
"Mr Flibble is very cross..." said Oscar in an eerie voice. "What do we do with naughty little boys Mr Flibble?"
"Uncle Oscar fries then alive with his hex vision!" said Mr Flibble the penguin plush from Homer's car.
"Aaaaaaagh! Oscar's caught a hologram virus! Run!" Bart screamed and ran away with Milhouse. Oscar fired red lightning bolts from his eyes at them.
...
Meanwhile at Lard Lads. Wiggum is discussing with the manageress the idea of a donut that burns calories. However she's deaf and a little senile so doesn't hear him. So he simply asks her to refill his donut with more jam after he drank it from the donut with a straw. She puts more jam in his donut.
He announces how he values their friendship but she doesn't hear him.
Bart and Milhouse find Wiggum's car.
"Wow! Wiggum's patrol car!" Bart is impressed by being able to look inside Wiggum's patrol car.
"Look! Tear gas, a riot club, Chief Wiggum's hat..." said Bart.
"Have you ever been in a police car Bart?" Milhouse asked.
"Not in the front." said Bart. "And for both the right and the wrong reasons..."
"Wanna see what it's like?" Milhouse asked.
"Milhouse you devil! Hehehe!" Bart grinned at the thought of his friend encouraging him. They got in the front of the car. They looked at the dashboard in awe.
"Miranda Rights teleprompter." Milhouse saw a machine. Turning it on just came up with a reminder of Miranda rights. You have a right to remain silent basically.
Bart found the speaker device and had fun with it.
"Hey Mr Flanders! Put your hands in the air!" He called out to Ned who was crossing the road.
"Okilly dokily." said Ned putting his hands up in the air in surrender.
"Now drop your pants!" said Bart.
"But you just told me to keep my hands in the air!" said Ned.
"Hula out of them." said Bart.
"Okay..." Ned hula danced until his trousers fell down exposing his underwear.
Bart and Milhouse laughed. However this woke up an angry police dog who growled at them from the back of the car. They screamed.
"What is going on out there?!" Wiggum was alerted to the sound of one of his police dogs barking. He got out his walkie talkie and communicated to an Officer Sniffy. "Officer Sniffy. Do you copy?"
Meanwhile Oscar's German shepherd sensed a male dog and fell in love. She tried dragging him with her. "No! Bad girl! Bad girl!" Oscar whined as she dragged him.
In blind panic Bart pushed down the handbrake of Wiggum's car from being scared and panicking from the angry police dog. The patrol car slid away in neutral.
"Oh no!" said Bart.
"My car!" Wiggum gasped as he saw it drive away in its own.
Bart drove the car, or tried to. A giant cauldron of soup was being driven on a truck out of the next junction.
"Aaaaaaagh! Soup!" Bart and Milhouse screamed.
However they steered away from the soup truck into a road leading into the park. There was an athlete's club receiving trophies or something going on.
Bart and Milhouse screamed.
The head of the meeting was handing out trophies. However Wiggum's runaway police car drove into them! They cartwheeled and back flipped out 9f the way.
A hobo caught a trophy. "Recognition at last..." said the hobo.
The patrol car crashed into a tree.
The police dog jumped out and escaped. Wiggum arrived and found Bart and Milhouse inside. He hauls them out by the scruffs of their t shirts.
"You are both under arrest for joyriding! You both have the right to remain err... um... (reads teleprompter) silent? That can't be right." said Wiggum.
...
Wiggum put Bart and Milhouse down so he could deliver the worst news. "And I'm calling your parents!"
"No chief! Please don't call our parents! I'll do anything! I'll even go to one of Ralph's parties!" Bart begged him.
"I'm sorry Bart but that's twice I've caught the results of your shenanigans! And what's worse is that my car is a casualty!" said Wiggum. "I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to throw the book at ya this time!"
"This can't possibly get any worse..." Milhouse tempted fate.
Oscar arrived on the scene.
"Uh Chief... my dog lost her virginity to Officer Sniffy..." said Oscar as the camera panned round to Officer Sniffy lying about content with Skip also looking relaxed and content like with Santa's Little Helper and She's the Fastest.
"Eeeeeeeeeew!" said Bart and Milhouse and Chief Wiggum.
"Right that's it! Not only is my car wrecked but one of my police dogs is knocked up by a random pooch! I hope she's neutered sonny!" Wiggum yelled.
"Uh no. I don't believe in that." said Oscar.
"Then don't expect Officer Sniffy to pay child support to the puppies." said Wiggum. He hauled Bart and Milhouse away.
...
The Simpsons were going to court all dressed up nice. That included Bart wearing a dorky suit with his spikes combed down in a dorky style.
"It's so nice to dress up and do things together as a family." said Homer.
"It's the only thing we do as a family anymore!" said Marge. "And we're supposed to be cross with Bart! I'm so mortified!"
Bart looked ashamed.
"Hi Tracy." said Lisa to a police officer working. They must have been to court so many times they're on a first name terms with everyone there...
Oscar was busy laughing at Hugo's identical dorky hair do to Bart's. Hugo frowned and messed up his spikes back into his usual style.
...
In court Milhouse was up first. Kirk was with him as his parent/legal guardian for some reason...
"Please don't send Milhouse to juvie! He's a good boy really." said Kirk.
"And I'm weak. In my heart and physically..." said Milhouse showing his wimpy little arms.
"Hmmmmm... Okay. I'll put this down to boys being boys! Mostly because you look like you study quiet hard because of your glasses. Case dismissed." said Judge Snyder.
Milhouse and Kirk left.
"Come on Milhouse. Your mother wants you back home as soon as possible." said Kirk. "I only get to see you for just the sentencing."
After they left Bart sighed content. "Aaaaah... good old Judge Snyder..."
"Next up. Bartholomew J Simpson!" said Judge Snyder.
Oscar snickered at him being full named.
"Time to put on the old I'm a good kid really charm..." said Bart smugly as he adjusted his tie. And wore a crucifix.
Ace hissed at him. Bart smirked and pointed it at him. Ace recoiled in pain.
Bart took the stand.
"Oh hello Bart! Are those new shoes?" Judge Snyder asked in a friendly tone.
"Why yes they are, Roy." said Bart.
"Ahem!" Homer pointed to his watch.
"Ah yes. Oh. Seems you were the ring leader in this car theft! And that's a felony!" Judge Snyder was cross with Bart.
"I'm sorry!" Bart apologized, frightened of Judge Snyder.
"On the other hand..." Judge Snyder relaxed.
"I'll pull up the car..." Homer groaned.
"I suppose...(A watch beeps) Oh look at the time! It's time for my rather inconveniently timed vacation! Buh bye!" said Judge Snyder packing away his clown and leaving.
"But my case!" Bart asked confused.
"All rise for Judge Constance Harm!" said Tracy the police woman.
Everyone gasped as the strict cruel judge who looks like Lois from Malcom in the Middle took the judge's seat. She put down a miniature guillotine. Eek!
"Uh oh..." said Marge sensing trouble.
"Silence in my courtroom!" Judge Constance Harm yelled. Everyone was silent. She read Bart's files. "Grand Theft Auto?!" She was outraged.
"It's my favorite video game, ma'am." said Bart smirking.
"Bart I've never let you play that game..." Marge sighed.
"Silence in my court room!" Judge Constance Harm yelled banging her gavel. "Don't play smart with me you little brat! Your rap sheet is as long as the Great Wall of China!" Judge Constance told a Bart off.
"I'm sorry! It was an accident!" said Bart.
"Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting!" said Judge Constance Harm.
Bart gulped.
"What did she say about cupcakes..." Homer said in a threatening manner making a fist.
...
"Why weren't you at school young man?" said Judge Constance Harm.
"Uh I dropped him off to win Mr Pengie's forty grand KBBL challenge." said Homer. "And then crashed into a waffle truck and ate the waffles."
"You abandoned your son for forty grand?!" Judge Constance gasped.
"And waffles." said Homer. "And this blue oyster cult medallion. Cooooool..."
"And that was more important than keeping your son out of trouble?!" Judge Constance Harm was even more flabbergasted. She even noticed Bart's twin brother Hugo in the courtroom. "And what is this, Bartholomew has a twin brother who has been isolated in the attic all his life, living on a diet of fish heads?!"
"I agree. May I sing a little of Don't fear the reaper? You see..." said Homer.
"I'm familiar with BOC..." said Judge Constance Harm. "But you have a child here crying out for adult supervision!"
"I concur, your honor!" Hugo cried out. He was seen with tattered clothes and a chain trailing behind him with a heavy metal ball on the end. "It is true father did abandon me when I was a baby. He locked me up in the attic all these years feeding me only fish heads once a week." He then revealed his teeth, which appeared to be rotting and a possible sign of scurvy due to being a neglected child. "I was mad when they tore us apart!"
"Hugo please. Silence in my court." Judge Constance Harm asked softly as she felt bad for him.
"I agree. Which is why I suggest a court ordered babysitter or au pair..." said Homer.
"That won't cut the mustard I'm afraid! I sentence you to be tethered to your son!" said Judge Constance Harm banging her gavel.
"Feathered?" Homer gasped.
"Tethered! Report to room five immediately!"
...
In Room five. A tether was attached to Homer and Bart.
"Is that fine Mr Simpson?" asked the police woman who put on the tether.
"It's a little tight." said Homer, holding up his hand, which turned purple.
"Sir, you're not a size four..." said the police woman.
"I used to be," said Homer. He began to sob and dragged Bart with him.
Plot 2
The Simpsons arrived home in Marge's car.
"This punishment is so mean! And Cruel!" Homer whined.
"And unusual!" said Marge.
"I agree." Oscar concurred.
"Why does Bart have to be tethered to Dad? Why can't he be tethered to me? Bwahahahaha!" Hugo asked before laughing evilly.
Everyone groaned. "No, Hugo!"
Oscar giggled. "Oh Hugey..."
"For goodness sake, Hugo!" Bart yelled at his twin brother. "Enough of this silly notion! We are not getting back together as Siamese twins!"
Hugo frowned.
"You think this is unusual. Former president Bill Clinton is our new mailman!" said Lisa looking out the window.
Bill Clinton tries to deliver the mail but it won't fit in the post box.
"Darn magazines..." said Bill Clinton.
"This could be fun! You could spend more time together..." Said Marge.
Bart and Homer groaned.
Marge whispered to Bart. "Make sure your father takes his behavior medication..." said Marge.
"I'll medicate you!" Homer threatened before she gave him a pill. Homer calmed down. "I love you honey."
"So that's why Homer stopped being a jerk wad..." said Oscar. "Not that I agree with you medicating his behaviour Marge..."
"Go out and play you two." Marge said to Homer and Bart.
"Come along Homeroo!" said Bart. They ran but the tether choke slammed Lisa knocking her out.
Oscar laughed.
...
At school Mrs krabappel was writing long words in the board to ask students what they meant.
"Booooooriiing..." said Homer.
"Mr Simpson! Stop shouting out! I am trying to teach a class!" yelled Mrs. Krabappel annoyed with his interruptions.
"Why bother? None of this will help them get a job." said Homer.
"Mr Simpson! Will you please go back to sleep!" Mrs krabappel yelled.
Homer went to sleep and snored. Bart put his shoe in his mouth to stop him.
Mrs krabappel was writing photosynthesis when Homer screamed. "What is it now Bart..." Mrs krabappel sighed.
"Night terrors ma'am..." said Bart.
Homer screamed about cobras. "Aaaaaaagh! Cobras! Aaaaaaagh! Cobras! Aaaaaaagh! Cobras!" He repeated. He dreamed of being on a unicycle with Eddie Munster/Butch Patrick while surrounded by hissing cobras as they would strike him and Butch.
The dream ended with Homer screaming about cobras still.
"Aaaaaaagh! Cobras!"
Mrs Krabappel sighed. She went to continue writing on the board about plants and how they get nutrients etc when suddenly there were several pop or plink sounds as the fourth graders' heads turned into Rainer Wolfcastle/McBain heads.
"MENDOZAAAAAAAAAAA!" The McBain headed kids screamed.
Homer winced.
The fan fiction author behind those weird Homer clones smirked.
"No! No MENDOZAAAAAAAAAAA shitposting!" Oscar in a writer's studio groaned.
Mrs Krabappel sighed and continued writing on the board.
Homer started singing. "Mr Bojangles! Mr Boh- Jangles!"
"Mr Simpson! Please be quiet!" Mrs Krabappel snapped.
...
Then Bart was on the school baseball team. They were playing against Brantford 9ners, Peter Shepherd's team.
Bart was batting.
"That's it Bart, blot out the sound of my criticism!" said Homer tethered to him.
Bart hit the ball getting it to fly long enough to go for a home run.
"That's it son! Pump those thighs! Pump them!" Homer demanded.
"Hurry up Dad!" Bart yelled. Homer tripped and fell on his face after the first base. Bart dragged him for the entire home run. Bart got there just as Peter caught the ball.
"Safe!" said Skinner.
"My first home run!" said Bart happy,
"That's my boy..." Homer groaned.
Bart screamed.
"Come on! Give your old man a hug..." Homer was torn and bleeding from being dragged. He was not a pleasant sight...
Homer then fell asleep and screamed cobras again.
"Aaaaaaagh! Cobras!"
Bart sighed.
Then the fan fiction author responsible for the weird Homer clones made all the kids into screaming McBains again.
"MENDOZAAAAAAAAAAA!"
...
That night Homer was working a night shift at the plant with Bart. They were on the chimney eating sandwiches.
"It's so relaxing at night! No Mr Burns to yell at me... No one to squeal on me for shooting rats..." said Homer.
"Dad. This town keeps getting bigger and bigger. Will there be enough electricity for everyone?" Bart asked.
"Hehehehe! Now son you know that's none of your business." Homer chuckled.
...
The next day they went for ice creams.
"You like skateboards? That is so cool!" said Homer.
"I think this tether has bought us closer together dad." said Bart.
"Well I'm pleased Bart Simpson. Because I've also signed you up on a scared straight seminar to be tethered to an inmate for twenty-four hours." said Judge Constance Harm.
Bart gasped.
"Mmmmmm! Moe's..." Homer saw they were near Moe's.
"Mr Simpson! You can't take a minor into a bar! That's a felony!" said Judge Harm.
Homer groaned.
"Tell you what, Ma'am. How about you put me on this scared straight seminar now so my dad can do his own thing." Bart asked.
"Hmmm. I was going to wait until tomorrow but sure. Why not. I like your eagerness." said Judge Constance Harm warming to Bart a little.
Bart soon regretted being so eager. He was dressed in orange prison clothes and put with Nelson and Jimbo's gang and several other bullies. They gave him threatening looks. Then he wished he was kept with them as he was put with a familiar inmate he knew at Springfield penitentiary all too well...
"Hello Bart..." said a familiar voice as Bart caught sight of palm tree dreadlocks.
"Nyaaaaaaagh! Sideshow Bob!" Bart yelled. The sideshow Bob theme played.
"Now we're tethered together you can't run away. I can kill you at my leisure!" said Sideshow Bob.
Bart gulped.
After the fade out.
Sideshow Bob laughed until the sirens went off and emergency lights flashed red, gloomingly lighting the prison up with red light. And all the cells opened.
"Come on, Bob! We're braking out!" said Snake with Nelson tethered to him.
"Ahhh! Freedom. I shall savior it and kill Bart Simpson! Mwuhahahaha!" said Sideshow Bob.
Bart gasped.
There was another fade out.
Bob was about to kill Bart with a knife.
"Wait! If you kill me now, my corpse will be dead weight! You'll have to drag me everywhere!" said Bart.
Sideshow Bob realized he had a point.
"You have a point. I'll let you live until we get free of this tether. Then you die Bart Simpson!" Sideshow Bob warned him.
They escaped from prison running the halls during the riot. Going through the dining room and kitchen. The sewers Shawshank Redemption style. Bart was grimacing at the smell and the rats.
Then they had to swim through the prison lake. Bart got scared as a shark chased them.
Then they got to a swamp.
"Come on Bart!" Sideshow Bob was impatient. They waded through the swamp.
Bart stepped in quicksand and whined as he started sinking. Sideshow Bob yanked him free of the treacherous mud.
They then got on a cargo train. A bum/hobo wanted to tell them three folk stories in return for a sponge bath for each of them.
"Aaaaaagh! Not this guy again!" Bart screamed.
They get to a Krusty themed hardware store but Chief Wiggum is in there because he explains to the squeaky voiced teen he locked his keys in the prison van some how...
Bob reluctantly wears a Krusty hat as a disguise. Much to his disgust. However Bart sees a vacuum cleaner and uses it to suck off Sideshow Bob's hat. Exposing him to Wiggum.
"Sideshow Bob!" Wiggum blows his whistle.
Eddie and Lou detached Bart and his tether from Bob and took Bob back to jail. "It's back to jail for you, Bob. Nice try..l" said Wiggum.
Bart smirked as Bob was sent back to prison.
"As for you Bart. You'll have to remain tethered to me until I get you home. Sorry but that's Judge Constance Harm's orders." said Wiggum.
Bart was bored as Wiggum made a pit stop at Lard Lads donuts for an hour to drink donut jam with a straw.
Meanwhile Homer went to Moe's after Bart was taken to his scared straight seminar and drank beer. But he let slip his pants were expensive so Moe robbed him at gun point.
"Yeah I rob people now." said Moe.
Homer arrived home pant less. Bart laughed at him.
"Okay Homer I have to tether you to Bart. Court orders..." said Wiggum. However Wiggum tripped on the cat and a mishap resulted in Bart being tethered to. Hugo...
"Yes! Finally we're one step closer to being whole again!" Hugo cheered.
"Chief reattach me to Homer right now! Or anyone except this freak!" said Bart.
"Bart! That's your brother!" Oscar scolded him.
"Ow! My shin! I have to go home and lie down..." Wiggum sighed as he went home.
Hugo grinned as he had many evil ideas involving his brother.
...
Bart found himself in the attic with Hugo preparing to sew them together again. Bart screamed.
Oscar came up.
"Awwww! Bart and Hugh-gee are playing!" said Oscar calling Hugo "Hugh-gee"
Hugo smirked at his friend's nickname for him.
"Oz don't leave me with this maniac!" Bart whined.
"I told you don't call him that! He's your brother." said Oscar as he went down the ladder. "Oh and we're having dinner so both of you better get downstairs."
...
At Dinner Bart was relieved to be reattached to Homer.
The news was on.
"Springfield is in the grip of a tough new no nonsense judge called Judge Constance Harm." said Kent. He was interviewing her in her office. "A judge who believes in punishing the parent!"
"Yes!" said Homer before realizing he was tethered to Bart.
"This is all Mr and Mrs Neverspank's fault!" said Judge Constance Harm. "Parents, if you won't cope, you'll wear the rope!"
"Uh oh! We may have to censor that." said Kent.
"You'll censor nothing!" Judge Constance Harm yelled. "For every wild little terror bought before my court, I will give their parents the rope!" She held a teather.
"Well you can tell she certainly had no kids! Her breasts are so high and firm!" said Marge.
"But she did have kids! Malcolm and his brothers are here right now!" said Oscar.
Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Francis were in the lounge.
"Oz, no references!" Bart sighed.
Plot 3
Bart needed the bathroom. "I need the bathroom. Come along Home boy." said Bart pulling on the tether.
"No way! I'm watching Bumblebee Man! Use the bottle!" said Homer.
"No!" said Marge.
"Or Bart could wear a diaper." said Oscar.
"No Oscar!" Bart whined. "I'm not wearing a diaper!"
"Bart's not going in a bottle like a hobo! Take him to the bathroom!" said Marge.
Homer sighed, "why do we even have this bottle?" He took Bart to the toilet.
...
That night Homer and Marge were making out, snogging etc.
"Do you mind?! I'm trying to do my biology homework!" said Bart. He was sleeping in a sleeping bag on their bedroom floor while doing his homework by lamp light.
"Um it's way past your bedtime boy. How about getting some shut eye..." said Homer.
"Homer no! We're not doing it in front of Bart!" said Marge.
"But he's seen us once before!" said Homer referencing that time Baby Bart saw them.
"I don't care! Bart doesn't need to see us in the act of love!" said Marge.
"You do know you can use the word sex. I know what it is. Even Ralph does..." said Bart.
"Bart don't say that word!" said Marge telling him off.
"What's wrong with him talking about sex? I had sex..." said Grampa.
Marge and Homer sighed and rolled their eyes.
"Homer we're not having sex in front of him!" Marge told Homer off.
"But!" Homer whined.
"The lady said no!" Bart yelled.
"Why you little! Ow! What was that for?" Bart had yanked the tether to cause Homer to slap himself.
Bart giggled. However Homer yanked the tether causing Bart to slap himself. "Ow!"
Homer laughed. Bart caused him to slap himself, and so on.
"I'm sleeping in the bath tub..." said Marge going off somewhere.
Hoer and Bart's slap fight resulted in Homer throttling Bart with the tether and Bart whipping him with it.
"That does it!" Marge yelled brandishing a knife.
Bart and Homer screamed.
However she sliced the tether in half.
"Mom! You cut the tether!" Bart gasped.
"We're free! Woohoo!" Homer cheered.
"I wouldn't celebrate so soon Mr Simpson!" came Judge Constance Harm's angry voice.
"Uh? Aaaaah!" Homer screamed seeing Judge Constance Harm in the tether. "Judge Constance Harm? How did you get in there?!"
"Through the magic of fibre optic cable." said Judge Constance Harm. "By cutting the tether you have broken the court order!"
"But it was an accident!" said Homer.
"Spare the cock and bull story, Simpson! I'll see you in court!" said Judge Constance Harm.
"Wait your honor! It was my fault! I cut the tether!" said Marge.
"You did this?!" Judge Constance Harm yelled.
"But I'm to blame, your honor! I was pressuring my lady for sex when..." Homer explains but Judge Constance Harm growls. "Uh oh!" The fibre optic cable is on fire from how angry she is.
...
The Simpsons are hauled back to court again. Somehow Marge had time to get everyone dressed up nicely in their dorky clothes.
"You are the worst father ever!" Judge Constance Harm yelled. "And you're not much better Mrs Simpson!"
"Hey!" Marge yelled.
"Silence in my court room!" Judge Constance Harm yelled and banged her gavel. "With parents like you I'm surprised sweet little Bartholomew J Simpson isn't already robbing banks and chasing sweet lady H!"
"I prefer Sweet Mary Jane myself!" said Oscar, (He was referring to marijuana.)
"Silence in my courtroom little boy!" Judge Constance Harm told him off.
"I'm a latch key kid..." Bart sighed ashamed.
"No you're not..." said Lisa.
"Silence in my courtroom!" Judge Constance Harm yelled hammering her Gavel. "I thought Dad was bad but Mom, you're no prize pig yourself!"
That remark made Marge angry. "What did ya say?! Come over here and say that!"
"Honey no! You'll make things worse!" Homer restrained her.
"It's time for you to wake up and smell the Java!" said Judge Constance Harm.
"I prefer C++!" said Oscar.
"That was a coffee anecdote smart ass!" Judge Constance Harm told him off. "Now where was I? Ah yes. The only way you to are going to wake up and smell the coffee is to admit you're bad parents!"
"I admit!" Homer replied.
"Homer no! We're not bad parents!" said Marge.
"Yes you are! Just admit it!" said Judge Constance Harm.
"No! I won't! And quite frankly judge, I think you're a bully!" said Marge.
"You do, do ya...?" Judge Constance Harm patting her gavel in her hand menacingly.
"Cooool! They're gonna fight!" said Oscar.
"Yes I do! You're so busy coming up with crazy ways to punish parents you can't see how much I love my kids!" said Marge.
"Your honor, I'd like to be ttrialled eparately." said Homer.
"Oh I see very much how you love your kids Mrs Simpson! Especially poor Hugo!" said Constance Harm.
Everyone gasped.
"Oh great. She's got us with the Hugo card..." said Oscar.
"Your honor I don't mean to be disrespectful. But no tether has enough fibre optic cable to make me say I'm a bad parent!" said Marge.
Judge Constance Harm thought long and hard.
Marge and Homer left court in medieval stocks.
"She's such a butthole..." Marge sighed.
Oscar laughed. "Butthole..."
...
At home Marge and Homer were trying to do the dishes in their medieval stocks. Obviously they broke a few plates and bumped into each other causing silliness.
Lisa left to the lounge to find to her annoyance Bart was drinking a squishee and watching TV.
"Don't you think it's unfair that Mom and Dad are getting punished for something you did?!" Lisa asked annoyed at him.
"Yes it's awful!" said Bart.
"Then do something about it!" Lisa yelled.
"I will, after wrestling." said Bart.
A husband and wife newly married were beating each other up in a wrestling ring with chairs. What an odd wrestling show...
"I can't believe you sometimes! When are you going to show responsibility for your actions?!" Lisa yelled.
"When I want to..." said Bart.
"Grrrrrrrr! You are such a troll!" Lisa yelled.
"I know you are but what am I?" Bart replied.
Lisa stormed off.
...
Homer and Marge were at a road with Chief Wiggum. "Chief, don't you think we've been humiliated enough...?" Marge asked.
"The judge doesn't think so. In fact today she's ordered for you to present your buttocks to the road so nearby drivers can spank you as they pass." said Wiggum.
"I was wondering about that sign." said Homer.
The sign said "Spank the bad parents."
"Oh look! A car coming now! Get in position!" said Wiggum. Homer and Marge crouched with their butts facing the road.
Sea captain spanked them. "Yaaaaarrrr! You scurvy dogs!"
Then Comic book Guy spanked them. "Worst parents ever!"
Then Nelson whipped them. Homer screamed in pain.
"Hey! No whips, or paddles or extension cords!" said Wiggum.
...
In bed Marge and Homer were still in their stocks.
"We could be let out of these if you just admit you're a bad mother!" said Homer.
"Oh shut up! You're the one who agreed to lock Hugo away!" said Marge.
"And you let me for ten years!" Homer retorted.
"You were in your bully phase from the Tracy Ullman shorts back then!" said Marge. "You even pushed me around!"
"Stop arguing! I can't sleep!" Lisa yelled.
"Sorry sweetie!" said Marge and Homer.
"Homer. I can't. Because I'm not a bad parent." said Marge.
"I know honey. I don't think you are. But that mean old judge won't let us out of these stocks until we admit it.
"You can just say it and not mean it like a little white lie..." said Bart.
"Bart that's a terrible thing!" Marge told Bart off.
"I'm sorry..." Bart apologized. "There! (Snaps his fingers.) it's that easy!"
"See Marge!" said Homer.
"I can't! It's against my principles!" said Marge. "And besides what if she has a worse punishment for us if we admit we're bad parents! She could have our kids taken from us!" said Marge.
Homer gasped. "You're right Marge! I forgot!" said Homer.
"Thanks dear! I need your support more than ever!" said Marge.
"I know sweetie. Now let's break out of these stocks..."
...
Marge and Homer were in the garage late that night a Homer used a buzzsaw to cut Marge free.
"That was a little too close Homer." Marge gasped as she nearly got cut by the saw.
"I know! My carpenter skills are a little lackluster..." said Homer.
Hugo was huddled up and frightened by Bart's old clown bed.
"Can't sleep! Clown will eat me! Can't sleep! Clown will eat me!" He repeated.
...
A bus dropped Marge and Homer off somewhere in burglar outfits.
"If the costume store knew what we were really using these outfits for they'd be furious!" said Marge.
"I know! And they know I've Uh taken out this outfit before..." said Homer.
"Why did you need this burglar outfit before...?" Marge asked.
"Uh... Oh it says Judge Windbag lives at 142 Oceanview drive..." said Homer changing the subject.
They arrive at a marina. There is a pink house boat in the dock.
"She has a house boat? That is so cool!" said Homer.
"Homer! We hate her!" said Marge.
"I know... I was just making conversation..." said Homer.
They sneaked to the houseboat. They could hear voices from within.
"Reese, stop tying up your little brother! Malcolm! I am disappointed in this report card! What do you have to say for yourself young man?!... No Dewey you don't need more plushies..." Judge Constance was telling off her sons inside.
Marge and Homer rolled their eyes at Oscar's Malcolm in the Middle references.
"Oscar take this seriously please..." Marge sighed. "We're here to teach that mean old judge a lesson!"
"Okay but I brought Rik Mayall as Drop Dead Fred because he thinks we're playing burglars, real burglars..." said Oscar wearing a burglar costume.
"Reaaaaal burglars?" Baby/kid Elizabeth asked eagerly in her pajamas wearing a yellow sweater with black stripes pained on.
"She's adorable! Then when she grows up Hubba hubba!" Oscar thought baby Elizabeth was cute and grown up Elizabeth was hot.
Marge and Homer sigh and roll their eyes.
"Anyway Rik Mayall already has a plan to teach Judge Harm a lesson. His gonna sink her house boat while playing pirates!" said Oscar.
"Pirates!" Rik Mayall yelled.
"Shhhhh!" Marge and Homer told him.
"Oh like people can hear an imaginary Rik Mayall..." said Oscar.
And thus Rik Mayall sunk another house boat.
Plot 4
At court Judge Constance Harm turned up to work soaking wet and seriously pissed off!
"Is he here?!" She yelled asking some plaintiffs in a room the jury gathers in to discuss the verdict.
They all shook their heads except Oscar who nodded as he sat next to Drop Dead Fred. But only Oscar could see him.
Judge Constance pulled out the chair Drop Dead Fred was sat in but to the plaintiffs and attorneys it looked like she was wheeling out an empty chair.
"Do I have him?" Judge Harm asked
Oscar nodded.
Judge Harm was strangling an invisible, make believe person and then stamping on them and hitting them like when Elizabeth's friend was angry at Fred for sinking her house boat.
"That's for my house boat! And that is for driving my husband out of town!" Judge Harm shouted while hitting no one with a shoe and looking utterly ridiculous.
Oscar was recording her to send all over Instagram. He winced and gave Rik Mayall a look. "You didn't tell me you drove her husband out of town..."
Rik ran off and saw Elizabeth's mom. "The mega bitch!" He screamed with delight.
I am definitely doing an episode with him. It'll be hilarious!...
Judge Constance Harm got her house boat back from the bottom of the sea bed, cleaned out and rebuilt. To deter intruders like Fred she bought a sea lion as a guard dog. (I have to laugh at the thought of this...)
The sea lion barked ferociously like a dog and made seal "Arf! Arf! Arf!" barks and clapped its flippers.
"I wonder how those Simpsons are doing and if they broke out of their punishment again... Eh... I have more important things to worry about right now like imaginary friends sinking my house boat, getting my husband back and making sure my eldest son, Francis, stays in Military School." said Judge Harm.
Judge Harm was walking her sea lion, somehow, don't ask. And scolding Malcolm and Reese for fighting "Malcolm! Reese! Stop fighting!" And Dewey for constantly wanting plushies. "No! No more plushies Dewey!"
However she was incensed to find Marge and Homer no longer wearing their stocks living normally and happily in their front yard. She growled furiously.
...
The Simpsons found themselves dressed smartly and hauled before court again.
"So taking advantage while my back is turned eh?! Homer! Marge! I oughta lock you up until frogs do fractions!" said Judge Constance Harm.
Cute sounds and cartoon voices rang out from Oscar's Leapfrog inc Leap pad computer book. "Frogs do do fractions! In Frog's do Fractions!" said Oscar learning fractions with his Leap Pad from Leapfrog adventures.
Bart face palmed mortified by his childishness.
"Turn that device off! And no more sass mouth from you young man!" Judge Constance Harm yelled.
Oscar switched of his Leap Pad.
"Your honour. Why did you become a judge instead of finding a husband?" Homer asked.
"I have a husband! And four ill mannered boys! One's in military school." Judge Constance Harm snapped.
Bart decided it was time to own up.
"Judge please don't punish my parents anymore... it was my fault! I joyrides Wiggum's patrol car instead of going straight to school! Punish me instead!" said Bart.
"Ooooooh... okay. But only because you remind me of when I was a young boy!" said Judge Constance Harm.
"What the fuck?!" Oscar screamed in horror.
Yes she says that in canon...
"No swearing in my court room!" Judge Harm scolded him. "Now before I deliver this verdict Bartholomew. I have a busy schedule of dealing with the obnoxious and quite frankly insane antics of some of the fan fiction writers. Particularly over numerous McBain incidents." She explained to Bart.
