Hey babes! Back with a new fic for ya! This one was certainly fun to write, it came about as the result of a discussion with some friends, and I knew I needed to write it. It honestly turned out longer than I initially thought it would, so that makes me very happy.

Enjoy!


It isn't long into their stay on Darillium when the subject eventually comes up.

For as much as River is enjoying finally having this date with the Doctor, spending some time together just the two of them, she's never truly been one to stay still for too long. She craves excitement, adventure, and exploration.

So while the Doctor is off in the restaurant helping to fix something that he undoubtedly broke in the first place, she takes to exploring. She wanders the halls of the TARDIS, a niggling feeling in the back of her mind telling her that this might very well be her last chance to do so. So she takes the opportunity while it's there.

She knows that the TARDIS is ever-changing, that the pathways and corridors won't always be in the same spot twice, but it doesn't take long to realize she's already seen and been in the parts of the TARDIS she's wandering through.

"Oh, can't you show me something new this time?" she mutters under her breath as she turns down a familiar corner.

She stops short when she enters the unfamiliar corridor. There are a series of doors ahead of her, five to be exact; two on either side of the hall and one at the very end. She immediately recognizes the names etched into four of the doors, names she came across during her studies of the Doctor, along with many of his other Earthly Companions.

All four of them went on to live wonderful, brilliant lives in their own right, whether working to protect the earth from otherworldly threats or simply living a quiet, humble life. And in her research of them and their adventures, she could see very well why the Doctor asked them to travel with him.

But the last door…the last door has no name etched into the smooth wood. It's only as she gets closer to it that she realizes why; where a name would normally be is instead a simple carving of a rose. She'd come across this Companion in her studies too. But while the others all had heaps of records and lives to sort through post-Doctor, this Companion, like a few others from the Doctor's early days of traveling, has no records to show of a post-Doctor life.

"Thank you, darling," she whispers to the time ship. "It's not quite what I had in mind, but I appreciate it. Though, I don't think it's exactly my place to go through old belongings. I'm sure there's a reason I've never seen these doors."

Before she even finishes speaking, the latches on the first four doors click softly open.

She hesitates only for a moment before stepping toward the first room; Mickey. It's scarce, not much in the way of sentimentality or trinkets that one might acquire when traveling to different worlds and times with the Doctor. It barely even looks lived in.

The second room, Martha's, actually feels as if it's been lived in for quite some time, despite very few, if any, personal items or trinkets remaining in the space. One of the few Companions she knows of that left of her own free will, it's evident in the way the room was cleared out and cleaned up.

The third room, Jack's, reminds her a bit more of Mickey's. It's scarcely been lived in, only a few mementos lying about that she's sure wouldn't have been left behind under normal circumstances. And she knows from conversations with the man that his life is anything but normal, something they both have in common.

The fourth room, Donna's, looks very much lived in, though the only items remaining are the trinkets from alien worlds and photos of many thrilling adventures. Clothes, shoes, make-up…none of it remains, save for any items that River knows can only be purchased on other planets or at other points in human history.

Once the door to Donna's room closes, she turns toward the last door but doesn't move any closer. She simply stands in the corridor, staring at the carving. "Well, I think that's enough for today, don't you?" she says to the time ship, raising her eyes to the ceiling. She looks back down when she hears a familiar soft click, letting out a sigh. "Apparently not." She hesitates again, longer this time, and then moves toward the door.

She pushes the door open, but doesn't move any closer, and is immediately met with what can only be described as a snapshot into the life of the person who inhabited this room while onboard the time ship. Clothes and shoes are strewn about the room, makeup litters the vanity in the corner, various trinkets from Earth and other planets are displayed on shelves and multiple photos are taped up on the walls and along the outside edge of the mirror. Several cardboard boxes are stacked on top of each other in the far corner of the room, each of them labeled, though they're a bit too far for her to see what's written there.

It hits her, then, the reality of what exactly the state of the room means. And it makes her even more sad for the poor girl.

"River?"

She spins around quickly, her eyes going wide when she sees the Doctor standing in front of her, his bushy brows furrowed together tightly. "She opened the door for me."

"Yes, of course she did. These doors aren't meant to be opened anymore. They're usually kept tucked away from prying eyes." He takes slow steps toward her and then he's standing next to her in front of the doorway, looking into the room. "I haven't seen this room in ages. Certainly not with these eyes. It still looks the same as it did that day, except for those boxes. I went back and got those after, packed up everything of importance, and brought it all here. Well, except for a few mementos I anonymously dropped off with their closest friends." He's quiet for just a moment. "You'd think it's a miracle this room is still so preserved after all this time, but the TARDIS always had a bit of a soft spot for her, didn't you, Old Girl?"

River turns slowly until she's facing him, watching the way he looks up at the ceiling with a wistful half-smile. "The girl whose room this was," she speaks quietly, "the records from Earth say that she died during the Battle of Canary Wharf."

"Yes, I'm well aware of what the records say."

She eyes him curiously, noting the almost bitter tone of his words. "Something tells me it's not quite that simple."

"Nothing ever is." He slowly pulls the door closed, in a near-reverent manner, until it clicks softly. His hand remains on the knob as he turns slightly to look at her. "To everyone who knew her on Earth, she died during the Battle, but in reality, she kept on living. Though, I suppose, it has been quite a while now, so maybe she has…" he trails off, his hand falling from the handle and his feet slowly carrying him away from the door.

She watches him go for a moment, staring at his back. "Does it hurt, then? To think about her?"

He stops walking, barely glancing at her over his shoulder. "It's been centuries since I've seen her. So no, it doesn't hurt."

"You don't have to lie to me, dear. I can handle the truth."

He sighs, his head dropping. "I wasn't lying." He turns around fully to face her again. "It doesn't hurt. Not as much as it used to. There's still an ache in both my hearts, albeit a dull one after all this time, but it's still there. I loved her deeply, in both bodies that got to travel with her. She took a broken man and made him feel whole again. She loved me when I didn't think I could be loved any longer. And I loved her back."

River raises a brow. "Loved? As in past tense?"

"Well, I suppose some part of me will always love her. She was extraordinary, my pink and yellow human." The tiniest of smiles tugs at his lips. "A nineteen-year-old shop girl from the council estates who never got her A-levels but looked into the heart of the TARDIS just to save me and my big ears."

River's eyes go wide at his words. "The heart of the TARDIS? But that…that's the Time Vortex. Surely that should have killed her."

He chuckles lightly. "Yes, I suppose it should have. But instead, for just a moment, she became a goddess, harnessing time, and life and death. She wiped all the Daleks clean out of the sky, brought a man back to live for centuries, saw everything that ever was or ever could be." The light in his eyes dims slightly. "But it was killing her. So I took it out of her. I kissed her for the first time to remove the time vortex and she didn't even remember it."

"But she survived?"

He smiles again, the tiniest of scoffs escaping past his lips. "Of course she did. She's Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth. She was going to stay with me forever. And I suppose, in a way, she did. Locked away, safe and sound, in a parallel dimension with my metacrisis. I hope they're happy, truly, I do. She deserves to be happy. With her dad who's not quite her dad, but still very much her dad. And her little brother, I think he's called Tony, quite a bit of an age gap there. And her mum. Oh, her mother," he draws out, his accent getting a bit thicker for just a moment. "Jackie Tyler was certainly something else. If I liked anything at all about that woman, it's that she raised Rose all on her own and did a fantastic job at it. Ooh, there's a word I don't use too often anymore. Used it all the time in that first body that knew Rose."

River watches him carefully, watching the way his face has softened just the slightest with each word he speaks about Rose. "She was quite special to you, wasn't she?"

"Oh, she was very special indeed, River. You know, I think you two would have gotten on quite well, actually. Or, well, I hope you would. It was a bit of a rollercoaster when she met Sarah Jane, but they did become friends in the end. I think they kept in touch until Rose got lost in Pete's World for the first time. That's what we called it, Pete's World, after Rose's dad. They didn't have a Rose in the other world, Pete and Jackie. Well, they did, but she was a dog. My Rose wasn't too pleased with that." His brows furrow. "You know, I'm not actually sure what happened to that dog. Though, I suppose it must have died or ran away during the Cybermen attack."

"There were Cybermen?"

He nods. "Yes, very dreadful. Managed to stop them, of course, but the Jackie of that world became one. I'm sure they must have had to get creative when this Jackie Tyler went over there. And Rose too, since she didn't even exist there. I don't think I'd want to live in a world where there isn't some version of Rose Tyler out there. Because even though she's in Pete's World, living her life, I can always go back and see her when she's younger. Well, uh, I already have. I was her tutor for a bit, in my last body. She was quite terrible at maths as a kid, she claimed it never made any sense."

"Have you gone back to see her in this body?" River asks, her curiosity getting the better of her.

He hesitates. "Uh…once. Just for a moment. It was…it was a bit strange, to have her looking at me but not recognize me."

River shifts on her feet, leaning back against the wall behind her. "Tell me about it."

"She'd just started at Henrik's." A grin appears on his lips. "That's actually where we met, when I blew it up."

She laughs. "You blew it up?"

He waves her off. "Autism, living plastic. Now shush, I'm telling a story. I'd found an old mug in the cupboard that she liked using and it made me think about her and I decided to go see her. So I went to Henrik's, not long after she started there, just to see her. All I had planned on doing was watching from a distance, just so I could see her."

"But things don't always go how you plan."

He shakes his head. "She was helping someone else and I was going to leave, but something made me stop. I don't know what it was, but I just stopped, right there on the floor. Then she turned around and saw me. She asked me if I needed any help, so of course I took the chance to talk to her and came up with a very clever lie of why I was there."

River fights back a snort. "I'm sure you did."

"She was so wonderful, my Rose, she helped me find what I had told her I needed. I almost asked her to run away with me right then, almost told her all about the TARDIS and traveling through time and space." He lets out a breath. "I almost did it, River. I almost ruined everything just to have one more adventure with her. Just for old time's sake."

"But you didn't," River tells him, already knowing how it ends. "You kept things as they should be so she could meet the proper version of you so the timeline stayed intact. She sounds like an amazing woman, by the way. I genuinely, truly wish I could have met her. Just once."

"Oh, well, who's to say you still can't?"

She smiles cheekily. "No, that wouldn't be a very good idea. If she's as incredible as you say, then I'd be tempted to ask her to run away with me instead."

His face falls. "You wouldn't."

"I've seen her picture, dear. I most certainly would."

He shuffles on his feet, his hands fidgeting. "Yes, well, it wouldn't be very nice, now would it? She's my pink and yellow human, not yours. You can't have her."

"Don't worry, I'm only teasing. Mostly." Her face softens as she looks at him. "But thank you, Doctor, for telling me about her. I don't imagine that was easy for you to do. But I can tell how much she meant to you, so thank you for telling me."

He nods slightly. "Everyone who travels with me is special to me in one way or another, they all hold a special place in my hearts. Though, I suppose Rose is a bit of an extra special case, saving me back when I didn't even know her."

River's brows furrow. "How do you mean?"

"I'm sure you know all about the Time War, about what I did."

"You didn't have a choice," she answers quickly.

"Yes, that does seem to be what I told myself back then. But she helped me realize that I did have a choice. Of course, I didn't realize until my previous body exactly what I did, some of the memories were lost to me until then."

"What did you do?"

He smiles. "I put them all in a painting, the whole of Gallifrey, frozen in a single moment and tucked away in a painting. She helped me see that it was possible to save them."

"Rose did?"

"Yes. Well, a version of her, anyway. The Moment, the weapon, it was alive, aware of itself and what it was for. It had a consciousness. And that consciousness, it took on Rose's likeness, in a way. It said it looked into my past and my future and chose her specifically. I regenerated after that day, became Big Ears and eventually found my way to London, where I met a girl in a shop and asked her to travel the stars with me. I think some part of me knew that I needed her, knew that she was exactly who I needed at that point in my life." He's quiet for a moment, and then, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For regaling you with tales of another woman while we're supposed to be on a date."

She shrugs. "I asked. And I'm glad you finally told me."

"You are?"

She nods. "Yes. You are a wonderful, extraordinary man, and it genuinely makes me so happy to know that there was someone else out there who loved you so much and so deeply."

"Yes, I suppose she did. After all, she was ready to give up ever seeing her family again just to be with me. Twice. The first time, it was completely accidental that she got trapped in Pete's World. She would have kept traveling with me if that lever hadn't slipped. The second time, well, that was mostly my doing, I suppose. I knew it would hurt too much to watch her wither away slowly or to die suddenly. So I pretty much pushed her toward another man. Another me."

"Your metacrisis," River says in realization, remembering his words from earlier.

He nods. "A two-way instantaneous biological metacrisis. He was me, same face, same thoughts, except he had that one human trait that would allow him to do the one thing with Rose that I never could."

It's quiet for a moment, the two of them simply standing there in the corridor, the lights dim around them and only the soft humming of the time ship as background noise.

"He only had one heart," the Doctor continues softly.

"Meaning he won't regenerate," River adds so he doesn't have to. "He'd get to grow old with her."

"And live a long, full, happy life with her," he says, a sad smile on his face. "After we saved the universe, and took everyone else home, we landed on Dårlig Ulv Stranden, in Pete's World. Rose wasn't too pleased about that, of course, since she'd come back specifically for me, and intended to stay. Again. Until the other me told her what I could never bring myself to say. Then she kissed him, and I flew away, back to this world. And Pete's World was sealed off forever. Rose and my metacrisis along with it."

"You'll never get to see her again."

"No," he says in that almost whisper with a small shake of his head. "But I rarely, if ever, see anyone again once they leave. They all move on with their lives, in one way or another."

"And you continue to travel, pushing down all the hurt so it doesn't consume you. You find someone new who's extraordinary and take them to see the stars."

He merely nods and gives a noncommittal 'hmm'.

She hesitates, taking a small step closer to him. "Would you…would you tell me more? About your other Companions?"

He looks almost shocked. "All of them?"

She shrugs. "Whoever you want to talk about."

"River, I'm not sure…"

"Oh, indulge me just this once, Doctor. You keep everything so close to you, and I completely understand, I do. But would it really be so bad, just for one moment, to tell me about the other people you've traveled with?"

The corners of his lips twitch. "No, I don't suppose it would be." He sighs roughly. "Fine. You go to the library, I'll make us some tea. Go. Before I change my mind."

She simply smiles and makes her way toward the library, grateful when the TARDIS makes it a relatively short walk.

It'll certainly be nice to hear about the Doctor's other Companions from his own lips for a change instead of just what she was able to glean from various books and news articles during her studies. There's only so much one can learn from second-hand accounts and slightly grainy news footage. Being able to hear the stories directly from the source is going to be loads better. And she's always wondered what sorts of hijinks he got into before he met her.

.

.

.

Once she leaves Darillium, River has a few more small adventures before she's expected to meet some wealthy man inquiring about her archeological expertise. More specifically, she tracks some of the Doctor's early adventures with Rose, but only the ones where she can easily slip in and keep out of sight among the people and sights.

And she watches.

She never stays for too long, not wanting to risk either of them seeing her or getting caught up in things herself. But she always makes sure to see Rose in action of some sort before she pops off to the next adventure watch.

And each time, she gets a little more impressed with the girl's determination, innate sense of adventure, compassion, and so many other qualities that she knows the Doctor values in his Companions.

Everything truly starts to click for her when she sees the leather-clad Doctor staring longingly at Rose for what seems like the hundredth time, always when Rose is looking somewhere else. That man was truly, deeply in love. And she can't entirely say that she blames him.

So she makes one final jump, to March 3, 2005, the day before the Doctor blew up Rose Tyler's job. (She'd had to do a bit more digging after leaving the Doctor, to find out the exact day when Henrik's would be blown up, so she wouldn't risk creating any serious problems.)

She watches Rose for a while from a distance, watches as she works and interacts with the people around her. At first glance, there doesn't seem to be anything exceptionally special about the young girl. But River knows that the Doctor doesn't ask just anyone to travel through time and space with him. So she knows there must have been something about that first meeting, that first adventure, that made him want her along. Something she won't get to see, not unless she suddenly becomes the Doctor or goes invisible.

Toward the end of Rose's work day, River finally makes her move. She enters the shop and wanders a bit, making it look as if she's browsing, and then locates Rose doing some restocking. She takes a deep breath and approaches the young woman, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Sorry, excuse me, are you Rose?"

The blonde girl turns to her. "Yeah. What can I do for you?"

"Oh, nothing. I just…I wanted to come by and say thank you."

"For what?"

"You helped out a friend of mine recently. It's okay if you don't remember," she says quickly when she sees Rose go to respond. "It was such a busy day when you did. But it meant a lot to this friend of mine, and I just wanted to come in and tell you in person."

"And uh, and I told this friend of yours my name? And where I work?"

"No."

"So how'd you find me?"

River smiles cheekily, unable to help herself as she utters, "Spoilers."

Rose just gives her a look. "Alright," she says slowly. "Well, um, is there anything else you need while you're here?"

River's quiet for a moment, watching the young girl. And then she smiles softly. "No, thank you. None of this is really my style, but I appreciate you asking. I won't be seeing you again, so I just wanted to say thank you, again, for helping my friend. And wherever your life takes you…be brilliant."

Rose's brows furrow slightly. "Um…okay. Sorry, what was your name again?"

"River. River Song." She offers the young woman one more smile, chuckling inside at the look of confusion that still remains on the girl's face, and then turns to stride out of the shop. She waits until she's across the street and down a few blocks, hidden away by other buildings and cars, before turning around to face the shop. It's barely in her field of view, but she smiles in its direction nonetheless. "Goodbye, Rose Tyler," she says to the wind as she programs the coordinates for her next jump. "I am so glad I got to meet you."


So? What did you think? Let me know in a review down below. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time,
Jellybean96 out!