Chapter 98 - Healing
Author's Note: Bonding! Also, there's only one chapter and the epilogue left. I can't believe it. xP
~ Amina Gila
"The last time I was here, it was far from pleasant," Marr comments, as he, Anakin, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, Rex, and the twins fly down in a shuttle for Fortress Vader. The planet is extremely strong in the Dark Side, and with the glowing lava covering much of the surface, it's really the perfect kind of place a Sith might want to live. He tries not to think about all the things he's heard about the Jedi who were captured and brought here over the years.
"I believe we can all say that," Obi-Wan replies, expression oddly closed off. It's unsurprisingly – this is the first time he's been here since nearly killing Anakin.
Anakin only inclines his helmet slightly, staying silent. He feels... Marr isn't sure exactly, but he nudges him with the Force, anyway, offering him silent support if he needs it.
"We can all agree," Ahsoka chirps, "Because when I was last here, Anakin and I were rescuing younglings from the Sith."
"Why were they here?" Luke wonders.
"What did they want with them?" Leia asks.
"I don't know, and that's probably for the best."
"I will never understand why you wanted a castle here," Obi-Wan grumbles.
"I did not. That is why I chose this place."
"What?" Luke asks, sounding thoroughly mind-blown.
"To fuel the Dark Side," Marr replies, "I think it's a story for another time."
They leave it at that – it's not something anyone wants to explain to the twins yet – as they land in the private hangar. It's huge and looks way unnecessarily fancy. Seriously.
"I see you're more dramatic than I remembered," Obi-Wan says flatly, as they step out into the hangar which is full of ships. Some of them with designs Marr's never even seen before. He doesn't even have to guess why.
"Are these yours?" Marr can't help inquiring.
"Yes."
"You had time to remodel ships?" Ahsoka asks dubiously.
"... Occasionally."
Luke and Leia look thoroughly enthralled, as they scan the surroundings. Luke approaches one of the nearby ones, already spewing out questions that Marr doesn't care to keep up with, and Anakin is more than happy to start answering him.
Marr smothers a laugh at the look on Obi-Wan's face. "Can you discuss this later?" his former master grumbles. "We didn't come here for this."
They finally had a break from everything going on with the Empire for the first time in a while, and they all insisted that Anakin needed to get himself treated as much as possible. He said that the best place for that would be his castle on Mustafar, and they needed to go there anyway to get Ahsoka's lightsaber, so they all decided to go. Marr left Bo and Vizma behind on Coruscant since they had no real reason to want to come here.
"We can... discuss this later," Anakin agrees reluctantly, since all three Skywalkers seem equally disappointed with the interruption.
They head out of the hangar, and Anakin leads the way through the halls. The place feels of pain, anger, fear, suffering – pretty much everything Dark. He doesn't want to know how much came from Anakin versus other people. All he knows is that all of it has been terrible on his brother's mental state.
It reminds him disturbingly of the time when he'd been captured and nearly brought here. He'd been through... a lot, but he was never tortured like that before until then. (To think Anakin lived in that environment for years...) "I wonder how things would have turned out, had I been brought here that time I was captured," Marr can't help but muse. He would have met Vader so much sooner.
Anakin pauses, looking at him for a moment. "It is good you were not. I could likely not have concealed you from Sidious for long."
Marr swallows, blinking away the memory of Nur. "I suppose," he replies, quietly. In the end, it doesn't matter now that they're together. (It does matter that Anakin was left with Sidious longer, but there's nothing they can do to change it now.)
"I didn't expect a place this big," Ahsoka comments, as they keep moving through the halls. There's little sign of life here, unsurprisingly.
"It had... many purposes."
"Well, feel free to show us around whatever areas there's actually something to see, if you want," Marr offers. He's curious, okay? This is where Anakin lived for nearly two decades after all. The atmosphere feels even darker as they Vader's living quarters. They stop by the entrance to an office, which... somehow it wasn't what Marr was expecting, but it was,at the same time, at least after seeing how fancy the rest of the place as.
"Quite the view," Leia comments, eyeing the window that overlooks endless lava flows.
"Better than some of the things we've seen," Rex points out dryly. "At least this is colorful." No one bothers pointing out how Anakin couldn't see the colors in question, anyhow.
There's another room with a bacta tank, and Marr doesn't much like the feel of the Force in there. Nearby is another room with tons of mechanical madness all over the floor that he is not even going to begin trying to identify. Although he has a disturbing feeling that not all of it mere clutter.
Obi-Wan makes that very exasperated noise he always does – even if Marr can tell there's an obvious fondness there – before crossing the hall to the next doorway. "What's this?"
"Nothing," Anakin insists, right as the door snaps open.
Marr stills at the sight of the room, because something about it is so familiar. It's different, of course, but it vaguely reminds him of Obi-Wan's apartment. Just with the shape, design, and setup. Anakin doesn't seem happy, but Obi-Wan promptly steps inside, anyway, and Marr can't help following. It's intentionally set up that way, he realizes as he looks around.
It...
This is like the place he and Anakin grew up in. All of it. And everything was left in a way that reminds Marr far too strongly of how they frequently left their apartments when they went away for battle and came back and... fit right back in.
It's an even stronger callback to the Clone Wars than when they encountered those battle droids. This is... it's home. For a moment, he can hardly breathe. If someone told him he stepped through time, he'd probably believe them.
"Here," Anakin says abruptly, interrupting the moment, crossing the room and picking up Ahsoka's old lightsaber, holding it out to her. Marr recognizes it immediately – the one that they'd left that day, buried with the rest of the 501st.
Ahsoka reaches out, taking it from him, turning the hilt over in her hands, before finally clipping it to her belt alongside her two new ones.
It feels slightly like intruding on something private, but Marr can't help but continue looking around, gaze falling on two familiar objects lying in a corner.
Padawan braids.
There's Ahsoka's, but the other one...
He knows who's it is instantly, and – He never thought he would see it again. "You kept this?" Marr practically squeaks, staring at it.
Anakin moves closer. He's obviously uncomfortable by their presences here. "It was in the apartment," he replies. After Athea's arrest, her room had been given to someone else, but Marr was able to retrieve his first padawan braid that his father cut off, and gave it to Obi-Wan, because what else would he do with it? It was left there, of course, and Anakin got it. He... doesn't even know what to say to that. "You can keep it."
"No," Marr replies, shaking his head, past the emotion tightening in him, "You kept it this long. I think you should keep it. It's because of you I stayed as a Jedi at all after Mortis."
"Did you make this look like our apartment intentionally?" Obi-Wan asks, his voice slightly... strained almost. The walls of the room itself feel of pain, and Marr can only imagine why, what he came here to do. It hurts more than he thought possible.
"Yes."
"And those are mine, aren't they?" he asks, eyeing the Jedi robes stashed in one of the corners.
"Yes."
He can feel Anakin's pain again, and Marr touches his arm, offering whatever comfort he can. He doesn't know how much it helps, but he thinks he can really understand why the training room is across from this place – he can't imagine what it must have been like, spending time here when he was still alone.
Especially not with the occasional holo of them on the walls, of times when all four of them were together and happy. Being here hurts Marr in some unfathomable way, too, even if they are together again. Perhaps because it doesn't change all the years they spent apart.
"Maybe we should have that meeting with your medical droid," he suggests. The sooner they leave this place, the better – although they'll be here for some time. Maybe filling it with happy memories in the meantime will really help him heal.
**w**
Anakin is not comfortable with the thought of his family visiting his Mustafar castle, but he won't deny them that. If they want to go, how can he refuse? It's not as though they don't already know what he became, though letting go of what he did is... hard. Sidious told him countless times that he was a monster, and it's not easy to accept he was just as much a victim as everyone else.
Being here again is just another jarring reminder of everything he's done. He can still feel the darkness on the walls, some of it a result of his own actions. He doesn't want the others here to see it all, but it matters little. They already know what he is, what he's done.
He doesn't know how to feel either, when they finally go to the medbay to talk to his medical droid on possible treatment improvements. It's never something he was able to do before. All of that was always up to Sidious. He had legal control of it, having Anakin declared 'medically incompetent' to make such decisions, and the only reason he can now is... Because he's in the office of the Emperor. That was another mess of paperwork Anakin didn't even want to begin getting into, though everyone in his family was practically on murder-mode when they heard that little bit of information.
Besides, the armor helped him fight once he was used to it, and it... He deserves it. Or at least he once thought he did. Now, he's not so sure. He's used to it, though, and being out of it will be strange.
As it turns out, there is a lot they'll be able to do for him.
"The implants are unnecessary, but it will be harder to repair the damage now that they have been installed," the droid reports, "Many of your organs are synthetic, and with adaptions can assume adequate function on their own."
"What of my lungs?" he objects.
"They can be replaced as well. A respirator is unnecessary," the droid replies.
Marr had thought so, too, and it angers him to know what Sidious did, but he lets it go. The past is the past now. "I would like to remove this," Anakin tells the droid. He wants to be fully human again, but that's impossible. They can do something, though, and that will have to be enough. It is enough – he spent years imprisoned in this.
"There has been extreme tissue damage and scarring from high voltage electricity," the droid adds, somehow succeeding in sounding heavily disapproving, "Much of which can be cured by bacta, if you remain in the tank longer."
He doesn't want... Alright. Fine. His family is right here, and they'll be right here if they need to be. They won't leave. He needs to accept that.
It's difficult to understand though, after having been years without them.
They're all going to insist he goes ahead with the treatment, even if it will take some time, so in the end, he does. He mostly loses track of time in his half-conscious state in the bacta, but he can constantly feel the others hovering nearby, can feel their love and support, something he never thought he would feel again. He's still learning how to handle it.
How they can love him, he has no idea, but he won't take it for granted.
It's unwavering, and Anakin couldn't be more grateful for it.
Especially when his nightmares come. They're constant, relentless. They never end, because there are simply too many things. He still has nightmares about Mustafar and Order 66.
The nightmares of killing everyone he loves are always the worst, though they're merely nightmares, not flashbacks. He doesn't have visions. Not this time – when he tries, all he can sense is... Lightness. The path before them is not always clear, but it's... better than it has been.
He can often feel their presences touching him, all of them, occasionally nudging him to wakefulness if he's having nightmares again. It's so much unlike Sidious who would always drag him down into them, often literally.
The twins don't quite know how to reach him, but they're learning, and he has a few brief interactions with them both. Luke is overjoyed to get to know him, and Leia is... happy as well, though she's mourning, which makes her quieter. Rex can't reach him, of course, but Anakin can still occasionally feel his presence close by.
When it's finally done, Obi-Wan is the first person he sees. It seems fitting, too, seeing as Obi-Wan was the last person he saw.
"Anakin," his voice is slightly strained as he looks at him – for the first time without armor. (It's beyond weird to be wearing normal clothes again.) "How... are you feeling?"
"I am fine," he replies, and it's jarring to hear his own voice when he speaks. Even more to not feel a mask in front of his face, restricting his vision, tinging everything red. And he can breathe on his own. He never realized what it was like to appreciate that, until now. He doesn't feel caged anymore – he never knew how much he did until now.
His gaze traces up to Anakin's head, and he can only guess what Obi-Wan is looking at. That scar didn't fade much; it was too deep. Same for the one on his back where Obi-Wan cut it open. "You look better," he says, finally. "I'll tell the others to come."
Marr gets there first, and really, it's the second time Anakin can see all of them, without the lenses of his mask. "I told you there'd be time for this," Marr blurts, perhaps in an effort to hide the horror he feels again at seeing what he looks like. Anakin still doesn't know, but for all of his family to react how they are, he can only imagine.
"Yes, you repeated it incessantly," he replies.
Marr reaches for him, and Anakin doesn't wait, pulling him into a hug. It's the first one he can truly feel in years, and he had no idea how much he craved this. He could still feel with his left hand, but so much of him was cut off from the world. Now that he's touching someone, he never wants it to end.
He's been trapped and confined and locked away from the world, caged, for years. Sidious kept him that way intentionally, likely to prevent his possible resistance. His master was always prepared for such things.
"I... missed this, all of this," Marr breathes, voice shaking slightly with emotion.
His grip tightens, as he lets himself feel his little brother's arms wrapped around him. "I did as well." More than words could ever say.
Obi-Wan approaches, touching his arm, and Anakin can see the regret in his eyes even if he says nothing, and they pull each other into a tight embrace.
**w**
It's jarring seeing Anakin constantly out of his armor now, but it's good to actually be able to see his face – no matter how scarred it is. Many of them have faded, and Marr suspects they'll fade almost entirely once his skin is no longer so deathly pale. His hair is growing slightly longer as well, since he doesn't have to keep it short for those needle-things-that-really-make-it-look-like-a-torture-mask to stick into him – something about helping control his suit. Marr frankly doesn't want to know.
At least Anakin can touch people now, since through his armor there was little that he could feel. And it's not as if there was anyone who he could touch on a personal level anyway. And now that he's started, it seems to be about the only thing he wants to do, even if he's hiding it.
There's no place appropriate for snuggle piles here, so they all opt to settle on the floor of his former office.
"Does anyone wanna see a holofilm of the Clone Wars?" Leia asks. Why is there a mischievous note in her voice?
"The Clone Wars?" Luke yelps, jolting upright, "Of course, I do! I've never seen one before. They don't have those on Tatooine, but the pilots talk about them all the time."
"What kind of holofilm?" Rex asks dubiously.
"Because I don't much care to see a documentary of it," Ahsoka agrees, "We could just tell you stories, if that's what you want."
"Well... it's technically a movie of it," she replies.
Suddenly, Marr has a very bad feeling about this. "Don't tell me it's that one Vizma liked watching with Ezra and Sabine."
Leia grins. "She told me about it."
"What?" Anakin asks warily.
"Trust me, you don't want to see it!" Thanks to how famous Anakin and Obi-Wan were, they had to deal with constant attention from the holonet. Most of the time, Marr never even bothered to look at it, but he knows there were times people made incredibly stupid holofilms of them. It's just a thing when you're a... celebrity. Or hated, depending on the person's view of Jedi.
"What was it of?" Obi-Wan asks.
"I never heard all of it, but enough to know it was stupid."
"That's the point," Leia interjects.
"They made a joke out of the war?" Rex demands. He does not sound happy.
"Well... not quite like that."
"Now this, I want to see," Ahsoka decides.
"Me too," agrees Luke, "I never saw any holofilms on Tatooine."
Marr looks almost desperately at Anakin and Obi-Wan. "You can't be seriously agreeing to this."
"If Leia desires it," Anakin replies, and Marr groans.
"I have a bad feeling about this," Obi-Wan decides, though he sounds amused.
Leia jumps up, going over to the desk, and quickly pulling up the holofilm and turning it on, before joining them on the floor again.
All he knows instantly is that the background setting is downright cringy. It looks realistic, but it doesn't much look like there have been countless battles there at all. "Is that Ryloth?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.
"They didn't even get our armor right," Rex observes, as the first of the clones come on the screen. They're obviously supposed to be part of the 501st, but their armor is... strange looking. He thinks it might be mostly computer generated.
At least they got the droids right, but that's about it so far. The battle looks... Okay, it could pass for a child's show, but when you've experienced the horror of war yourself, you know it's nothing like this. Marr highly doubts anything could ever get the horror of it down right.
Although that's probably good, because anything beyond that would be triggering. It's fine until the pathetic excuses for Anakin and Obi-Wan come on screen.
"My hair was not that long," Anakin objects.
"My beard was not that long," Obi-Wan yelps.
Marr jolts upright as a certain, young, padawan boy comes on screen. "No way! That had better not be me. My hair is not that blond! That's insulting! It's orange! Can these people not see?!"
"And they have the colors in your padawan braid all wrong," Ahsoka offers cheerfully.
The twins look at each other and crack up.
"Our lightsabers look wrong," Obi-Wan complains.
"That's not me!" Ahsoka all but shrieks, as a red-skinned Togruta steps on screen. "The patterns on my lekku are all wrong! And my voice is not that high pitched! How old am I, five?!"
"Is that me?" Rex asks dubiously, when Anakin's clone commander – what commander?! – comes to give him a report.
"It appears they assume all clones are identical," Anakin asserts, sounding most unimpressed, because every single one so far, including Rex, has much too dark skin, and dark brown hair and eyes.
At least the music sounds mildly appropriate given the situation. Although having tense music playing in a battle is the last thing anyone needs.
Maybe he'll be able to tolerate the rest of this, except then all four of them start talking to each other. Aside from that none of them sound quite like themselves – "Are they seriously claiming that I'm Obi-Wan's padawan?" Ahsoka demands incredulously.
"They believe Theseus to be mine?" Anakin asks skeptically.
Marr slowly turns to look at him, reflecting back on those days when Yoda had decided to pass him off. Aside from being hurt, he'd been so nervous then. "I... can't imagine that."
"I cannot either," Anakin replies. Imagine Anakin raising him? Seeing him as a mentor instead of his brother? Well, he did see him as a mentor in some ways when they were younger, but after Ahsoka left, so much changed. And he can't imagine hardly knowing Obi-Wan at all.
"I don't know," Ahsoka says lightly, "What was it like having Obi-Wan as a master?"
Anakin and Marr just look at each other again.
"He's grumpy," offers Leia.
Obi-Wan huffs.
"You want a serious answer to that?" Marr asks.
Ahsoka shrugs, and Luke pauses the holofilm until they finish talking.
"I do not believe he would have had much patience with you," Anakin says.
"I don't see how I had patience with you," Obi-Wan grumbles, "Either of you."
"I believe what Anakin means," Marr replies, "Is that you were... demanding. You always expected so much." It was hard, especially during the war. He was always constantly under stress, and Obi-Wan was occasionally understanding of that, but usually...
"I know you only wanted us to be good Jedi," Anakin says, quietly, "But it was... hard."
Obi-Wan eyes them, a mostly unreadable look in his eyes though he doesn't feel very happy, and Marr can't help but feel slightly bad about that, even if they're only saying the truth. Now he can see that his master was only trying to make them better, but that's not how to go about it. He knows well enough from personal experience. He never realized until later, just how much Obi-Wan often hurt Anakin with his careless comments, throughout the war. Not to mention what it must've been like before as a padawan.
"I didn't realize you were that... affected by it. You could have told me."
"Would you really have considered that respectful?" Marr counters, "If there was one thing you taught me repeatedly, it was to 'know my place'." And that is one thing he would never ever say to Vizma. He knew too well what that felt like.
"I tried, but you never... listened," Anakin objects, "I know that does not excuse any of what I did –"
"This is hardly about what you did, Anakin. The two are... not inherently connected."
"I knew things were often strained," Obi-Wan admits finally, "I did not intend to... make you feel like that."
It's slightly awkward to be having this conversation in front of everyone, but he needs to lay it to rest. "I know," Marr replies, "And I'll never regret being your padawan."
"You were... still a good master," Anakin adds, "I could never have wanted anyone else."
Obi-Wan doesn't seem the happiest, but he doesn't say anything. What would he say, really? It's the past now, and it's not as if an apology will change how much it hurt both of them when they were growing up. They can only try to make things better now, together.
They leave it at that, finally turning on the holomovie again. And Marr regrets it instantly. Because what in the name of the Force –
"What?!" Ahsoka yelps, as her onscreen-self and onscreen-Rex make it very obvious that they're secretly considering a relationship with each other.
"There is absolutely no truth to this," Rex protests, and it sounds more like a prayer than anything else.
"No!" Ahsoka promises, appalled.
Leia dares to laugh.
"This is the plot?!" Marr demands incredulously.
"It gets worse," she offers.
"Oh no," Luke groans, "It's sappy enough already."
"You're supposed to laugh at it."
"It's gross," Ahsoka complains, "Do they know nothing about Jedi?!"
The plot only gets steadily more cringy, especially when the not-Theseus starts showing very obvious signs of crushing on Ahsoka. Which was true and honestly, that makes it downright creepy. But he was not that flirty. Gross.
And then not-Rex dies heroically to help save not-Ahsoka, and then not-Ahsoka, and not-Theseus have a conversation about how much they love each other and decide to run off together as soon as the war is over. And maybe it would have been slightly tolerable, if the dialogue wasn't so cringy.
Okay, why did he ever agree to watch this?!
He exchanges an incredulous look with Ahsoka, who just winces. "We were never in any such relationship!" she wails.
"I knew there was a connection between you," Obi-Wan admits, "I thought it only because of your friendship."
"There was more, but we worked it out," Marr replies. And that, he knows, was the right choice. Thinking about it now, he can't imagine being in a relationship of that nature with Ahsoka. It wouldn't have worked. They can work as very close friends, but beyond that... He could never raise Vizma by Ahsoka's beliefs, and he knows she would never compromise. He couldn't do that, either. As a marriage, it would never have lasted. At least not if they wanted children.
It only gets worse from there, though – apparently, that's still possible – when not-Obi-Wan and not-Ahsoka are losing some battle and then not-Obi-Wan flirts with some Separatist leader until they agree to surrender.
"I didn't think this could get any worse," Marr groans, very tempted to cover his ears.
"I can't believe they think I would do that," Obi-Wan grumbles, "That is not how I talk."
"Anakin was never thatviolent. And all his lines are wrong," Ahsoka whines.
"I was not that violent either," Obi-Wan huffs.
"That may be the only part I found... correctly characterized," Anakin objects.
"What?" he scowls.
"You were violent, Master. Even if that had too much emphasis on it," Marr replies. That was one thing about Obi-Wan that... took a little bit of getting used to. It's how Jedi are trained to be, because of what their job is, but it's always been extreme with his master. (That's probably how he ended up accidentally injuring Anakin, and how he nearly split his head open later – a scar that they'll all see every day as a permanent reminder of it.)
Obi-Wan grumbles something else unflattering under his breath as the movie finally ends.
"That was awful," Luke says flatly, "Are all holomovies like this?"
"No. I only picked it for comedy," Leia replies brightly.
"Well, if we still have time, maybe we can watch a podrace," he suggests.
"A podrace?" Marr repeats, "What's there to see?"
"They're fun!" Luke protests, "I still want to race in one."
"No," Anakin objects.
"Obi-Wan said you raced in them before!"
"Yes. It was... dangerous."
"How is it any different than blowing up the Death Star?"
Anakin slowly looks over at Obi-Wan. "That I did not approve of before you did it," he replies, looking back to his son again, "But we may watch one if you desire."
"Wait, you raced pods?" Marr interjects.
"On Tatooine."
"But – I thought you left when you were nine!"
"Yes."
He raced pods when he was younger than nine. When he likely didn't even have training for things like that. Okay, he knows immediately that there's no way any parents Anakin had agreed to that. Which means... It was under his slave master's instructions, wasn't it? Suddenly, Marr really knows why his wife likes taking flame-throwers to buildings. He would like to himself, to whoever it was that owned Anakin.
"He used to watch them all the time as a padawan," Obi-Wan says, "Somehow I never managed to catch him."
"What's wrong with watching podraces?" Luke asks.
"Nothing," Obi-Wan grumbles, "I merely don't see how it holds your interest."
"Anything is better than what we just saw," Ahsoka huffs, "I'd prefer to have it out of my head before we go to bed for the night."
"Then I'll find one," Luke chirps, returning to the desk to turn something on. This, at least, should be a little more tolerable. And apparently, it's something Anakin used to be interested in, and now, Marr can't deny that he's buzzing with questions on Anakin's past – things that he's not going to ask because it's not very sensitive, but he's curious. Maybe some other time. For now, they have a podrace to see.
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