Chapter 33: Consequences
Serana abandoned the rowboat in the marsh and slogged her way to what passed for firm ground. She considered resorting to her monstrous form for greater speed, as dissolving into bats to dart across the salt marsh would be faster than her normal form in sunlight. But no, it was too dangerous: that part of herself would be even less willing to sacrifice her existence as a vampire. Then she thought about summoning Arvak, but the undead horse would sink further into the marsh than she would. The poor thing was heavier. Besides, he'd be bruising to ride with no saddle. That had been left behind inside Sithia's pack, deserted in the castle.
She had to keep moving. Fear drove her, the fear that Sithis would grow impatient. At least she could manage without sleep better than a mortal could, and better than most vampires. If she stayed on the move, then Sithis would hopefully know that she was doing her best to keep her word. Provided she didn't get lost in the marsh…
Serana got Sithia's map out. She couldn't check her own location, but she could hopefully get a general idea of it. That or find a road to make for, and from there head a safer way to Morthal. She unfolded the map and recoiled. The enchantment was broken. The blood had dried, and the 'x' lay unmoving in Castle Volkihar. Serana had to trust that Sithis would keep the bargain and that the map's enchantment only needed to be renewed.
Above all she had to believe Sithia was still alive.
She headed for the road to the south of Morthal. It should be impossible to miss and with any luck there should be signposts to Morthal on it. Not the most direct route but she really couldn't risk getting lost.
Serana found the road at dusk. Finally she could sprint again without tiring, and soon ran into a sorely needed meal: a Thalmor patrol. They were going in the same direction as her and didn't even realise she was behind them until it was too late. Only one of them managed to draw a silver sword, but with a little 'help' from her turned it upon himself. She tore his neck open with her fangs even as he collapsed, dying, his fellow Altmer already dead behind him.
She froze, blood flooding her mouth, as her father's words rang through her head. That those she killed were doomed to eternity in Coldharbour. Serana flinched away from the thought and resumed feeding. She couldn't think about that now. Not when she couldn't leave Thalmor alive. Not when, like every other Thalmor patrol she'd come across, they were looking for Elenwen's killer: all of them with sketches of Serana herself to varying degrees of accuracy. She tore them all up and ran on, leaving the dead patrol to rot.
Part of her was still mentally screaming at the impending loss of her gifts; her blessing that she'd gone through so much to earn. Serana did her best to silence the internal dissent by repeating the benefits:
'Saving Sithia.'
'Ridding myself of the ache from the broken bond.'
Either should have been sufficient to drown out the part of her clinging to vampirism. But what finally silenced it with a whimper was the memory of her own words: the only reason she would seek a cure was if it was the only way to save the world. Sithia was more than just the woman she loved, she was the only thing standing between Alduin and the prophesied end of the world.
Serana finally found Morthal along the road, lights shining out of windows. She retraced her steps to Falion's house, needing no directions for that this time.
Falion opened his door to Serana's frantic knocking. "You again? I don't have to cure the same woman again, do I?"
"No. It's me this time."
"You? I see you've changed your mind. Now this will be a challenge."
Serana held up the black soul gem. "Not with this it isn't. A soul that should be just as valuable as my own."
"Meet me at the stone circle just before dawn, then."
Serana made for the stone circle right away. She'd wait there for Falion.
She leant against one of the upright stones while the aurora danced overhead, until the eastern sky slowly brightened. She idly brought down a chaurus wandering too close and used a couple of mudcrabs for target practice to fill the time… And to try to distract herself from dwelling on things.
Like what the cure would be like. It didn't work. She couldn't even recall what it had felt like for Sithia. She'd been in too much agony herself when Sithia had been cured, what with their bond breaking.
Serana also didn't care to think about her father. If she went through with this, she'd condemn what remained of him to the Soul Cairn by using it. If. As if she could do anything else. As if Harkon deserved anything better. Yet… he was still her father. Or he had been, once.
She finished the last of Sithia's bottled blood, saved for this moment. It was never quite as good as a direct feed, and the bottle didn't last nearly long enough no matter how careful her sips.
At Falion's approach Serana held out the black soul gem. She had to fight the urge to pull her hand back when he reached out to take it. Her father's soul. Serana stamped out the stab of regret and all but pushed it into Falion's hand. For everything her father had done and all that he would have done if she hadn't killed him. And because it meant saving Sithia.
'Anything. Everything.'
Serana paid little attention to Falion's words as he recited the ritual, instead watching the eastern horizon. The moment the sun crested over it, her collar shattered. Proof that Molag Bal's claim—his ownership—was gone.
The pain hit as the first shard of silver struck the stone below. Serana collapsed onto her knees. It burned. Eyes. Fangs. Heart. Spreading with every heartbeat, and every heartbeat faster and faster… from undead vampire to mortal cadence. The heat penetrated her flesh further and further until her entire body warmed up.
She couldn't see, her eyes streaming until the burning within them stopped. Her surroundings slowly came back into focus. But something was wrong. The distance was blurry. No… no, she just couldn't see as far. That was to be expected—
Her head snapped back as the last spike of agony blindsided her. She collapsed forward onto her hands, coughing and choking as blood flooded her mouth. With each cough something clinked onto the ground.
When her eyes stopped streaming, Serana looked blearily down. Her eyes widened. Her fangs. All four of them, gone. Well, not gone, they were right there in the puddle of dark blood. She straightened up, feeling gingerly at her mouth. Besides the dregs of blood, there was not even any tenderness where her fangs had been, no sign of their sheaths. Her canines were intact, of course, the fangs had never been the same thing.
She inhaled deeply. It rushed out again in a gasp, then she gulped in more air greedily. Despite reeking of the salt marsh, it was somehow the freshest she'd ever had. It was as if she hadn't really been breathing for a very long time.
Something was missing. The lingering taste of blood soon reminded her: the bloodlust was gone. Gone! No constant burn in her throat! The worst thing about being a vampire, apart from her reaction to Aedric influences and the headache the sun gave her. No more headaches, not from that anyway! Serana looked around, basking in the sunlight. It might be the dreariest Hold in Skyrim, but it still teemed with life. The world was alive, and so was she. Despite her senses being weaker, the world was all the more vibrant for it.
Her breath caught and the world seemed to dim as a cold whisper echoed inside her head: "You belong to Sithis now, Serana Volkihar. Swear yourself to any other and her life is forfeit."
Serana swallowed hard and shivered as the chill faded. The sun didn't seem so warming with the reminder that Sithia was living on borrowed time; that what Sithis had given He could also take away. Clearly it didn't matter that Sithis was a greater power than Aedra or Daedra, or that both came partially or wholly from Him respectively. He still wouldn't tolerate Serana breaking her word, even if everything would eventually end up back in the Void.
Her eyes were drawn back to her fangs. All vampires belonged to Molag Bal. If she was turned again, even unwillingly… Sithis wasn't known for being merciful. Serana highly doubted being unwilling would matter.
"Are you all right?" Falion's hand gently touched her shoulder.
Serana looked up into Falion's face, where concern warred with curiosity.
"You had an unusually painful response to the cure."
Serana shrugged. "I'm not… I wasn't your average vampire."
"True. That alone would explain it. And the cure appears to have worked. The warmth of life has returned to you… and your eyes are green. Unusual for a Nord."
"They look more blue in shadow," Serana muttered absently.
Falion cleared his throat and looked away, perhaps realising he'd been staring. "I must return to my ward. I presume you can handle your newly regained mortal needs without my help?"
"It's been a long time since I had them, but I seem to recall they make themselves obvious." Food, drink, sleep, bathing… and relieving herself too, far more often than she needed as a vampire, as blood was fully absorbed, and even the rare occasion she had normal food, it took longer to process.
"They do. And they're easy enough for even simpletons to satiate, if they have the septims to pay for it. You do have gold, don't you? Wait… vampires have no need for gold. Unless you collected some for the sheen and to amuse yourself by counting?"
Serana winced. She'd given away what gold she'd had on her, and Sithia's pack had been left behind at Castle Volkihar. She shook her head.
"I see. Perhaps I could help there… if you give me your lost fangs, I will provide you with as much gold as I can spare. The fangs of a Daughter of Coldharbour are priceless, after all."
Serana snatched up her fangs, ignoring the blood covering them and now dripping from her hand. "If that's the case, then one of them will be enough for what gold you can spare. I might need more gold later, after all, and they are invaluable to trade." That or she'd gift them to Sithia.
Falion huffed, eyeing her bloodied hand hungrily. "Other mages or alchemists might not believe they are what they are."
Serana rolled her eyes. "Please. Any mage worth their salt can feel how much more Daedric they are coming from a pure-blooded vampire."
"Two fangs. One upper, one lower. For the gold you need to survive, and I might be able to find a horse for you, as you can't count on a carriage coming by any time soon."
Serana sighed. Every moment she haggled with Falion was a moment of precious mortal life away from Sithia. "I don't need a horse. But if you sell spell tomes, I'll see if you have any I want."
With any luck he'd have some on healing. As a vampire she'd relied on feeding or the blessing of the night to heal herself. Now those wouldn't work, and while Sithia would be able to heal her now, what about when they were parted? Or when Sithia was too injured to heal herself. Serana really needed to know how to heal others. She doubted she'd have Sithia's skill once she learnt how, but she was determined to get it at least adequate, even if it meant going to the College of Winterhold again. She should've found out before if vampires could heal mortals, although that was a moot point now.
"I do," Falion said. "Help yourself to those, as powerful a mage as I feel you are, I doubt I have many you don't already know."
"Done."
Fangs handed over, Falion turned to leave. He paused. "You might want to clean the remains of the blood from your face."
No doubt from her last tears of blood, and the blood in her mouth. Serana sighed. "Thanks."
She still had her skill with frost magic, that had come before vampirism, so the melting ice trick should still work. It did. But the cold bit deep. It had never been pleasant, but now it actually stung her. Clearly her immunity had dropped to the Nordic norm of just resisting more cold than other races. No wonder Sithia had needed to enchant her armour.
She followed Falion home and took the gold he claimed he could spare, along with a pack. The spell tomes would be absorbed instantly if he had any she didn't know. Which he did. Falion didn't look terribly amused when more of his stock vanished in a burst of light than he'd been expecting. Serana smirked, her fingers tingling. They might just be basic spells, but she could heal herself and others now. More fire spells were at her disposal now, not just ice, lightning and basic flames. Of course the trouble with that was still bringing herself to use them. She'd just have to practice, she supposed.
Now what? She should be able to get food and drink for the journey at the inn, but she needed more than that. "Do you think anyone here will have a saddle or thick blanket I can buy?"
Falion blinked at her. "You have a horse but no saddle?"
"I can Summon one. He doesn't come with a saddle."
"Then why not ride bareback?"
"He's skeletal."
"...Of course a vampire—a former vampire now—has an unnatural horse." Falion sighed. "I have a saddle." He very reluctantly gave it to her. "Now I'll have to find another, riding my own horse bareback until I can," he grumbled.
Falion gave her what she needed as soon as he could, all but pushing her out of the door. He seemed to want to get rid of her for some reason. Possibly before she thought of anything else she needed which he couldn't reasonably refuse her.
Serana's journey to Whiterun was a crash course in mortality. She'd been human a very long time ago, but for the merest fraction of her life: she'd been turned before she hit twenty five.
Even simple hunger was different to thirsting for blood. It took far too long for the nagging pangs of hunger to make her realise that there was a reason merely drinking wasn't dealing with her increasingly foul mood. At least there was no one around to witness her cheeks burning as she dug into her horker meat, although she'd give just about anything to have Sithia laughing at her.
"You bought supplies and then forgot about them! Stupid vamp—"
Serana sighed, and Sithia's imagined words slipped away. 'Stupid vampire,' something that no longer applied.
She dug out the Thalmor's sketch of Sithia, running her fingers over it. So many miles still between them… She rode on, Arvak's hooves flying over the road.
Serana basked in sunlight now, her hood left down. She didn't need it for that any more, and it had never spared her entirely from the headaches sunlight had induced. Now she was blissfully freed from the tyranny of the sun. It felt like a blessing instead now, and made the long ride a pleasure as long as the sun was out.
Setting up a campfire at night was always a trial. She still had an aversion to fire, but that was hardly surprising. Old habits died hard, and mortals weren't fireproof.
Sleep was… novel. Vampires still slept, but it felt different as a mortal. Waking was more gradual. Not that Serana slept much. She didn't feel safe, even with a rune trap set up. Runes out in the open didn't guard against archers or mages, after all. The time she'd set them up to protect a briefly vampired sleeping Sithia wasn't the same. Vampiric senses were far sharper, even when slumbering. Nor was it the same as setting up a rune trap inside a room at an inn where an intruder would trigger it on entering. That and she didn't want to waste time sleeping; she wanted to get back to Sithia. Right now. Unfortunately she still had to stop to rest even if she didn't sleep.
Nightmares plagued her when she did sleep. Mostly of Sithia stabbing herself to bring about the downfall of Harkon. More than once Serana jerked awake, gasping, heart racing, Sithia's name on her lips. She reminded herself that Sithia was alive. She'd made sure of that.
It took a night when clouds blocked the moons from view for Serana to wonder if there might be leftovers from vampirism. It had been centuries since she'd been human, but she was pretty sure she could see better in the dark than before, although not as far as a vampire, of course. Something to check with Sithia; they could play spot the landmark at night.
Serana considered testing her strength to see if that had lingering effects from any leftovers of vampirism, but it was difficult to test alone. She really needed to be able to compare it.
She ran into another Thalmor patrol on the road to Whiterun. This time they saw her coming. For a moment they stared at her skeletal steed, then pulled themselves together enough to attack. Serana charged them down on Arvak but couldn't move as fast as when a vampire. That meant one of them actually managed to hit her. She fell from Arvak's back. He reared, hooves striking the Justiciar a mortal blow.
'Such a good horse,' Serana thought woozily from where she'd landed on the road.
For a moment she wondered why the blessing of the night wasn't healing her; it was just after sunset. Then she remembered. She gathered the golden light of healing in her palm and let it spread to where it was needed. Serana bit back a scream. Sithia had never mentioned how much it hurt. All this time Serana had thought that healing magic came as a soothing balm. But no. The price of magically accelerated healing was pain. At least it soon faded away with the healing light. Mostly. The memory of it lingered, like a phantom ache.
Serana pushed herself up and mounted Arvak again. She left the patrol where they'd fallen. She wanted to get as far away from the bodies as possible before she had to stop and rest for the night. Even if she raised them and let them fall into ash, their armour would still make their presence obvious to any passersby.
Later on that night, lying cushioned on some heather, she wondered if she could avoid trouble with invisibility. She closed her eyes and focused. When she opened her eyes and brought her arm between herself and the campfire, she could see through it. Yet a headache already built behind her eyes. She hadn't even tried maintaining it while walking around, let alone riding. Serana sighed and let the invisibility go. Damn it. That would have been a useful vestige of vampirism if she could use it without a headache. So much for that.
A hollow snort from Arvak near dawn was all the warning she had of a pouncing sabre cat. Serana rolled out of the way in time to avoid death, but its claws caught her. She cried out. Arvak charged between them, and kicked at the overgrown cat.
That gave Serana enough distance to charge up a spell, choosing one instinctively. She blinked at the sickly red glow in her palm even as she released it, sapping life from the cat and healing herself with it. Vampiric Drain still worked. She wondered if it was still potentially infectious. Not that she was going to leave the cat alive to find out if animals could become vampires. An Ice Spike put it out of its misery.
Serana watched the sun rise and wondered if anything else vampiric lurked within her. That spell was how vampires healed themselves at a distance, using the life of their victims. If that still lingered strongly enough that she used it automatically when injured—and not stunned after being thrown from a horse—what else did?
She bit her lip and tentatively reached inside. She breathed a sigh of relief at the utter absence of her inner monster. Her monstrous form was gone, stripped away by the cure. While it had been useful as a last resort, what had happened with Sithia in the Ancestor Glade still scared her. That had been the stuff of nightmares.
Finally Dragonsreach on its high hill was looming in the distance. Hopefully Sithia was already in Whiterun. Serana had travelled as fast as she could to Morthal, and at a fair pace from Morthal towards Whiterun. But if Sithia had been taken by boat as far as possible and then by carriage… Serana sighed. She didn't know. All she could do was get there and find out. It would feel like torture to find Sithia hadn't arrived yet and have to wait for her.
At Whiterun's stables Serana dismounted and let Arvak fade back into Oblivion. The saddle went with him, and it remained to be seen if it would return. The stable master slapped himself as if he couldn't believe what he'd just seen. He muttered something about drinking too much mead. Serana wondered if the average mortal would have heard that, whether her vestiges of vampirism meant she could still hear better. Certainly not as well as before, hearing heartbeats from a distance was beyond her. Most of the time she wasn't even aware of her own. Maybe she'd be more aware of Sithia's.
At Whiterun's gates she spotted some Companions talking to the guards, including Aela and the burlier of the twin brothers. They'd been at the attack on Castle Volkihar.
"Oh yeah, we're great friends of the Dragonborn. We—"
Serana hurried up to them. "Have you seen Si—" 'Damn it, not again, use her taken name, not her given name!' "—ynthia?"
"Who?" The burly Companion blinked at her.
Seriously? This stupid werewolf claimed to be a friend of the Dragonborn, yet didn't even know the name she chose to go by.
"You know, about this tall." Serana held her hand level at her cheekbones. "Grey eyes, glares a lot, tends to be grumpy, clad in black leather armour fitting her like a glove, with a masked cowl…"
"Oh! You mean the Dragonborn."
"Don't call her that! How would you like to be called what you are rather than who you are, Companion?"
He shook his head. "I don't see the problem."
"Icebrain…" Aela muttered, dragging a hand down her face, somehow leaving her distinctive face paint untouched, maybe it was a tattoo? "Yes, I've seen her. She should be at her home now. I was helping her housecarls care for her on the way here, as it wouldn't have been proper for Gregor to help with… personal things. She's fine, just unconscious."
"Good. Not that she's unconscious, but that she's here."
"I knew what you meant." Aela cocked her head, looking Serana up and down. "There's something different about you… Ahh. I see. I don't know how you did it, but let's just say it's a vast improvement."
Of course a werewolf could tell she was no longer a vampire. At least this particular one was relatively subtle about commenting on it. She'd better move on and find Sithia before the Icebrain said something more incriminating.
"Yeah, you smell good!"
Too late, although at least it reflected worse on him than it did on her.
Aela cuffed his head. "Farkas!"
"What?" Farkas sounded confused.
Serana left them behind and walked into Whiterun. She soon stood before the door to Breezehome. She knocked.
It opened seconds later, revealing Lydia. "Yes? Oh, it's… you…" She gaped at Serana, staring at her eyes.
"It's who?" Sithia snapped. That was a very grumpy Dragonborn if Serana had ever heard one. Serana would take that over an unconscious one any day, though.
"My Thane, it's… it's…"
Serana sighed and sidestepped the tongue-tied housecarl, walking inside.
Sithia stood at the top of the stairs, scowling, arms folded. Now that was a relief to see: her spine had clearly healed with the rest of her. Her eyes widened briefly as they took Serana in. Clearly no longer a vampire, what with the lack of glowing orange eyes. Her eyes flicked to Serana's neck, to where the silver collar used to be.
She presumably knew what her housecarls told her, that Serana had something she had to do, and she must know that it must be something to do with her return to life. But Sithia didn't look nearly as surprised by her lack of vampirism as Serana thought she'd be. Could Sithis have let Sithia know?
Sithia walked downstairs to meet her halfway, fists clenched at her sides, body tense.
Serana held her arms out to embrace her, head angling in for a kiss.
Sithia's eyes narrowed, her arm swinging up, only for her hand to stop just short of Serana's cheek.
Serana blinked. Almost a slap? What—But—Why—
Her half formed questions were cut off when Sithia pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her hard. Exactly what Serana had wanted.
Sithia broke off the kiss and shoved her away. "What were you thinking?" she ground out between clenched teeth.
Serana winced. She opened her mouth, ready to argue her case… Instead she swayed and almost fell on top of Sithia.
Sithia caught her, pulled an arm over her shoulder and walked them over to a chair by the fire. Serana sank down into it, eyes sliding shut.
"When did you last sleep?"
"Uh." Was it last night? Or had she only dozed? "I needed to see you."
An exasperated sigh escaped Sithia. "Stupid vamp—" She cut herself off with a snarl. "Stupid… stupid Nord! And when did you last eat?"
"This morning."
"Could be worse. Still…" After some clattering, something curved was pushed into Serana's hands. "Eat. We'll talk later. After you've slept."
Serana forced tired eyes to open and looked blearily down into a bowl of stew. She tucked in, eyes drawn to Sithia thanks to some more strange noises. Plops and hissing… hot stones being dropped into a bucket of water.
Footsteps heralded Lydia, Gregor and Lucia walking past, tactfully making their exit. Sithia's footsteps were audible for once, not wearing Muffled boots in her own home. The lock clicked and key rattled when she locked it. She came closer, lugging the bucket of steaming water. Sithia pulled out a dripping wet cloth from it. Serana reached for it; she did feel pretty grubby after being on the road.
Sithia slapped her hands away. "Keep eating." At odds with her gruff words, she tenderly washed the grime of travel from Serana's hands and face—which felt weird while chewing—then led her upstairs to her bedroom once she'd finished the stew.
Sithia gently pushed Serana to sit on the bed, pulled her boots off, then helped Serana undress. Sithia loosened Serana's hair, running her fingers through it. She finished freshening Serana up, dried her off, then shoved her into bed and tucked her in.
"But…" Serana freed an arm and reached for Sithia.
"Sleep."
"With you. Please?"
Sithia sighed. "I don't need to sleep right now, and I'm not a teddy bear."
Serana looked pleadingly at her.
"Ugh! Fine." Sithia took her shoes off and moved to get into bed. Serana turned up the pleading gaze to maximum, glancing at her clothes meaningfully. "Oh, very well." Sithia stripped off and slid under the blanket next to her. "Happy?"
Serana sighed happily, snuggling up to Sithia.
"You need warming up. You're still colder than me. Weird. I thought Nords were warmer than other humans, the whole resistance to frost thing." Sithia leaned out of bed and blew out the candles beside it. She turned back to Serana and yelped.
"What is it?"
"Your eyes still glow! Not much, but enough to notice in the dark up close."
"Huh. Another vestige," Serana muttered thickly. She yawned. It felt so good to be snug in bed with her Sithia.
"What's that? Oh, never mind. Sleep. Something else to talk about later."
"Mmm. Night night."
"Serana, it's not even past sunset yet."
"Hmm?"
Sithia kissed her forehead. "Sleep. I'll be right here."
Serana nodded, nuzzling against her. Cosy darkness claimed her.
Her dreams were not cosy. It seemed her nightmares had to make up for her not remembering any during her long sleep in Dimhollow. She dreamt of the ritual with Molag Bal, of the bond with Sithia breaking, of losing her vampirism… and of Sithia dying. Killing herself right in front of Serana, helpless to do anything but watch.
At least she was briefly freed from each nightmare by Sithia gently shaking her awake. She soon dozed off in Sithia's arms, back to the nightmares. They finally left her in peace and when she eventually woke up it was daylight again. Sithia was still beside her, and turned to her when she stirred.
"Good morning sleepyhead." Sithia leaned over and kissed her.
Serana wrapped her arms around her and kissed her back, deepening it.
Sithia soon trailed kisses down to her breasts, then her stomach, then between her legs. Serana moaned as Sithia kissed her clit and then sucked it into her mouth. She distantly noted that Sithia's mouth didn't feel as hot against her now. It was noticeable when kissing, but even more when Sithia was doing… that. Hot or not, it was still so good.
Serana buried her fingers in Sithia's hair when Sithia started flicking her tongue across her clit, and then slid two fingers into her. She beckoned them, stroking over that sensitive spot inside, and kept up her sweet torment with her tongue.
They were alone in Sithia's own home. Serana was free not to stifle her groans, sighs and cries of Sithia's name as she was driven over the edge.
Sithia slowed her attentions and gentled them, but didn't stop. She picked up speed and pressure again once Serana signalled she could take it by tugging at Sithia's hair and hissing her name, until she cried out a second time. And a third time, Serana whining helplessly. So wet and even more sensitive, and Sithia mercilessly adding another finger, and then her thumb. So thick, so full…
Sithia finally had mercy on her, then withdrew her hand to lick it clean, eyes shining with dark satisfaction. She sat up, licked her lips, and smirked down at Serana.
Serana pulled her down on top of her until she shared the taste in a languorous kiss, tongue stroking against hers.
Then their stomachs rumbled, interrupting them. So much for returning the favour right away…
Over breakfast Sithia watched Serana. It was a bit of a novelty to see her eating, Serana supposed, although she had eaten a bit sometimes to blend in even as a vampire.
"You mentioned vestiges of vampirism. I saw your eyes in the gloom yesterday. What else is there?" Sithia asked.
"Maybe better night vision than your average human, although it's not as good as it was. I can still use my draining spell, and it might even be infectious. I can still turn myself invisible, but it's a lot harder. I can't do anything at the same time anymore." Serana ate a few more bites of fresh bread. She wondered if Lydia had popped in to drop it off. Hopefully she hadn't overheard anything… and hopefully if that had happened it had been Lydia and not Gregor. Serana shook her head. It didn't really matter.
"Anything else?"
"I'm glad to say that monstrous form is gone. It was a liability by the end. I hurt you, and I'll never forgive myself for that."
Sithia frowned at her. "Hey, I'm the one who has to forgive you and I already did. Don't worry about it."
"Only because it's no longer a problem. It can't ever happen again."
Sithia sighed. "Stubborn is what you are. What about blood?"
Serana ignored the stubborn comment. She could say it took one to know one, but resisted. "The bloodlust is gone. I'm not thirsty all the time, and that is a nice change. I've no idea if I'll still be able to taste emotions and the rest of it in blood, and I'd have to use a blade to draw it: I lost my fangs. I'm not comfortable with the thought of biting you hard enough to draw blood with human teeth. Or of cutting you to test it for that matter, with your past…"
Sithia smiled slightly. "Thanks. I do any cutting of myself." She drew her dagger and pricked herself with it, offering the bloodied finger to Serana.
Serana sucked it into her mouth and lathed her tongue over it teasingly. She wasn't sure what to feel when nothing happened. After some thought she realised she had mixed feelings: relief that the constant thirst for blood was gone, but disappointed that she was forever robbed of any more exquisite feedings from Sithia.
Serana drew back. "Nothing. No insight into your emotions, no flavours from them, nothing but the metallic tang of blood. Maybe just as well. I don't think anything is meant to feed from blood but vampires; it might be bad for me now." She smirked. "I prefer other tastes you have to offer…"
Sithia laughed. "Oh, you. Well, your next taste of that will have to wait. We do have more to talk about." She started to heal herself, but only got as far as the golden light gathering in her palm.
"Wait!" Serana gripped her hand to stop the healing. With her other she called up more of the same golden light and it leapt to Sithia's finger. Once it faded away the minor wound was gone. "New trick! I got some spell tomes from Falion."
Sithia's smile was tempered with concern. "I hope that means you can heal yourself too."
"Yes. He had the tome for that too." Serana didn't mention she'd already made use of it. She didn't want to worry Sithia.
Sithia breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Anyway, back to the vestiges… What about the rest of your senses?"
"Nowhere near as good as they were. My hearing and sense of smell both seem better than yours are, though. I think I can just about hear your heartbeat from here, but I am sitting right next to you."
"What about the drawbacks of vampirism?" Sithia asked.
"Gone, as far as I can tell. I'm fine in sunlight, but I haven't exactly tested how easily fire burns me. I'm not about to. As for Aedric influences, I haven't been close enough to any to tell."
Sithia took a mouthful of her breakfast and chewed while she retrieved one of her amulets. Serana found she could look at it without her eyes flinching away. It felt a bit hot to the touch but it didn't burn her.
"You could also try going near one of the shrines here in Whiterun. There's the one to Talos, another to Kynareth in her temple, and one to Arkay in the Hall of the Dead, so take your pick."
"Perhaps later." Serana took another hunk of bread and spread some honey on it.
They ate the rest of their breakfast in companionable silence, focusing on eating.
Sithia stretched. "Ahh, that's better. What else… Are you still inhumanly strong?"
"I don't know. I feel weaker."
"Test it."
Serana got to her feet and picked Sithia up. "You've either put on weight or I'm not quite as strong as I was."
"…I'm going to go with the latter."
Serana put her down.
"We could arm wrestle. That might be a better test," Sithia suggested.
"Maybe. We haven't arm wrestled before, so we have nothing to compare it to. But why not."
They sat back down, clasping hands across it with elbows on the table between them.
"Ready."
The back of Sithia's hand soon touched the wood. She put up a respectable fight, but with a test of brute strength like that there could only be one winner.
"Maybe you're not as strong as you were, but you're still stronger than I am." Sithia caressed Serana's arm.
"I promise not to abuse it."
Sithia shook her head. "You don't need to. I trust you."
Now that she wasn't distracted by eating, Serana realised Sithia hadn't been watching her devour food but instead staring at her eyes. She still was. Almost unblinkingly.
Serana sighed. "Please stop looking at me as if you've never seen me before."
"Hmm? I'm just trying to figure out if they're blue or green."
"Green when they catch the light, more blue in shadow. My father—" Serana choked on the word, at the pain of thinking of the man he used to be, before everything went wrong. "He had a lot of trouble figuring that out for the family portrait. He was overjoyed when vampirism meant they didn't change colour depending on the light."
"Wait, your father painted your family portrait? I thought you said he needed a hobby."
"He did. He needed another hobby, though. Painting obviously wasn't enough to keep him occupied. Although maybe nothing could have kept him from his obsession." Serana breathed deeply, fighting back tears. "I wish there had been another way."
Sithia stood and pulled her up into an embrace. "I'm sorry."
"It had to be done. Let's just… move on from here, okay?"
"Mmm. About that…" Sithia drew back enough to look at her. "Do you feel properly rested?"
"Yes. More than I ever have, I think. Being alive again, there's just so much more vibrancy to everything. Which I suppose you already know for yourself, you went through Falion's cure after all."
"Indeed. So I could take Alduin's Bow and also save the fucking world by following Alduin into Sovngarde." Sithia stepped out of the embrace. "As for you… so you can swear yourself to Sithis alone, breaking the ties to Molag Bal."
Serana blinked. "You… you already know?" So Sithis really had told Sithia?
"I should be dead. You gave up your vampirism to bring me back, bargained for my life," Sithia stated. She closed her eyes, a single tear trickling down her cheek. "And you gave Him yours. Your soul."
"How did you know?"
Sithia opened her eyes and glared at her. "If there's one thing Sithis wants, it's souls. He was also pleased enough with me to inform me that my life depends on you swearing yourself to Him. Damn it! You should have let me die."
For a moment Serana gaped, aghast. "How can you say that? You know what you mean to me. Of course I offered anything to Sithis if it meant you'd live."
Sithia dragged a hand through her hair. "You'll follow me into the Void. I've told you before, I'm no good for you."
"And I've told you before that I disagree. I'll do—have done—anything for you. I'll follow you anywhere. It was my choice to make."
"Choice?" Sithia laughed mirthlessly. "You had no choice, not one you could live with."
Serana frowned. "Then why are you so angry? You understand why I did it."
"That doesn't mean I like it! You threw away immortality and sold your soul, and for what? Someone doomed to die. Or have you forgotten that Sovngarde will almost certainly be a one way trip?"
"We don't know that! I won't believe it. There has to be a way."
Sithia sighed and shook her head. "I hope so, but raising what are likely false hopes is not the best move. Nor was saving me."
Serana crossed her arms. "Oh? And what about you? What were you thinking? Killing yourself when without you we're all doomed! You are all that's between us and Alduin eating the whole damn world. Even if you weren't the Dragonborn of legend and prophecy, you'd do that to me? Kill yourself right in front of me when you know what you mean to me. I love you. Too much to let you die if there was anything I could do to prevent it."
"I was already dying from being thrown into that fountain thing."
"Altar," Serana murmured.
"Whatever it was. Making sure I went to Sithis and not Coldharbour was the only thing I could think of that might save you. That contract bound in blood… I was making myself a Black Sacrament of sorts. My death in exchange for your life. Saving you from your father. Or had you forgotten that he was about to sacrifice you for his insane obsession and then put me out of my misery? Presuming I survived that long."
Serana shook her head. "That's beside the point! So you're allowed to sacrifice yourself to save me, but I'm not allowed to do it in return? My life for yours. Sound familiar?"
"That's different!"
"How?" Serana forced down a frustrated scream, her voice trembling with the effort. "Tell me!"
"As I said, I was dead anyway. Killing myself meant I had a chance of saving you."
"A chance… You didn't know it would work."
Sithia looked away. "No. I didn't." She returned her gaze to Serana. "But contracts bound in blood are how the Dark Brotherhood sends him souls, and he clearly wanted mine. It rightfully belonged to him, and making sure he wasn't robbed of it… If it didn't summon his Wrath and save you, nothing would."
Serana raised an eyebrow. "At least with giving up my vampirism I knew for sure it wouldn't be for nothing."
"What choice did I have? I was dying. Harkon was going to kill you. I was out of options."
"So was I." Serana tried not to hiss. She wasn't entirely successful.
"I know. But when it comes to saving me because of the whole Dragonborn thing… Akatosh would have known my fate. He'd be an idiot if he didn't have a backup plan."
"If he's so all knowing, then chances are that I was that backup plan. It wouldn't kill you to show a little gratitude, you know," Serana huffed.
"Thank you ever so much for condemning yourself to the Void!"
"…Oh. That's why you're so angry with me. At least we'll be—"
"Together? I was there, you know."
"In the Void? For that short time you were dead?"
Sithia nodded jerkily. "It felt like eternity."
"How do you know we won't be together there?"
"We won't be if my experience is anything to go by. There must be uncounted souls there, but I couldn't feel the presence of any of them. Not even my mother. Just… Cold. Dark. Alone. The emptiness. And I'd pleased Sithis. I can't imagine what it's like when you've invoked his wrath. The Void is everything the name implies. So now you know. You should have let me die."
This again? It was infuriating. Serana's hand tensed against the impulse to slap her. That was never something she wanted, physically lashing out like that at her beloved. Even if she was being… Well. Impossible. "The bargain I made with Sithis wasn't exactly just for your life. It was to give you back to me. That might go beyond death."
"I doubt it. Even if it does, it wasn't worth it."
"I'll be the judge of that. You don't have to like this, just accept this was my choice to make. Eternity without you or a life with you. Not that eternity would have lasted long with a world eating dragon on the loose."
"The Divines would have had a back up plan," Sithia repeated stubbornly.
"I think you're looking at it."
"My very own Divine intervention, huh?"
"Apparently. Anyway, what would you have done in my place?"
Sithia opened her mouth and snapped it shut again, glaring at her.
"Hypocrite," Serana sang.
"Oh, fuck you. I died for you, and you made that sacrifice meaningless."
'Meaningless?!' "For the love of… You saved the damn world! You'll save it again! That's plenty meaningful."
"Void take the world!" Sithia snarled. "You're the one I care about!"
"Yeah? At least I've said how much! You haven't even said you love me."
"What do you want, a confession signed in blood? I died for you, isn't that proof enough?"
"It would be nice to hear it, and living for me is what I want. Preferably living with me."
"Serana…"
"I'm waiting. Tell me you love me."
Sithia cupped her face in her hands and leant up to kiss her. She drew back, smirked, and said something in an unfamiliar language. Khajiiti or whatever it was called?
"That doesn't count!"
Sithia's smirk widened. "You didn't specify how I should say it."
"How do I know you really did?"
"I guess you'll never find out."
"I hate you," Serana said as lovingly as possible.
"Love you too."
"That's better."
Sithia growled at being tricked into it… and probably at Serana's smug tone. "Bitch."
"Takes one to know one."
"Oh, shut up and kiss me," Sithia demanded.
It was an almost bruising kiss on both parts. But even with mutual anger they didn't want to hurt each other.
The door clicked. The lock… Surely the housecarls would knock first. Serana and Sithia broke apart, staring at it. The door burst open, a man wearing a hooded robe springing inside.
Sithia drew her dagger and leapt at him. He already swung a mace: it hit her arm, with a sickening snap of bone. Her dagger fell from her hand. The force of the blow threw her into the table and chairs.
Serana launched an ice spike and threw lightning at the intruder. He cast a ward with his offhand, swinging at her with his mace. It caught her a glancing blow. Serana felt it sap her strength and worse, a soul trap spell laid on her. If he killed her before it wore off Sithia's life would be forfeit.
Serana's horrified gaze landed on the mace. It had a sickly green glow of enchantment, and a very familiar ugly face glaring out of it. The mace of Molag Bal… If she died with that soul trap on her she'd find herself in his clutches, not in the Soul Cairn.
Sithia groaned. She went for her dagger with her good arm. The intruder stepped on her hand. He struck again with the mace and Sithia went limp, blood trickling from her scalp.
"No!" Serana launched herself at him. But she was too slow, drained by the mace. It caught her again. The floor rushed up to meet her, darkness with it.
Serana opened her eyes. She was tied up, Sithia beside her. Serana gasped with relief when she saw Sithia's eyes open. She was alive. Neither of them were dead… yet.
The intruder stepped into view. "Awake, are you? Good. Although maybe it'd be better if you'd both stayed unconscious for the end. I don't want to do this. But He wants you broken. Both of you. You and your… lady."
"Who are you?" Serana demanded, her voice not entirely under control. It shook. Her head throbbed. He must've hit her head. But not too hard or she'd be dead and there would be a mess on Sithia's floor. Poor Lydia would have to clean it up. Or Gregor. Hopefully the housecarls would be safe from this reluctant would-be murderer. He had to be Molag Bal's latest Champion. A pale shadow compared to her father: there would be no hesitation from Harkon.
"I'm Vigilant Tyranus. Not that it matters. The Vigil won't have me any more. There's nothing left for me but His orders. I'm sorry."
"His?" Sithia asked, her voice a little slurred. She'd been hit every bit as hard as Serana, perhaps harder.
"My Master. Molag Bal. I am to break you, then kill you, and your souls will go to Him."
Break them… What did that mean? Smash their bodies with the mace? Or did the King of Rape mean for this Tyranus to… No. It might not be as bad as when Molag Bal did it, but it would be a dreadful reminder and she couldn't protect Sithia and—
Tyranus lifted the mace and brought it down. It rushed towards Serana's shoulder.
A hand caught his arm and stopped the mace in mid swing. The sound of the door slamming open caught up with the abrupt turn in events. Another hand closed around his neck. Tyranus gasped his last. His neck snapped. His body fell, discarded on the floor.
Valerica stood in his place, lips tight with fury. Serana slumped in overwhelming relief at the sight of her mother. Tears prickled her eyes at the thought that one of her parents was finally there for her. Valerica stiffly turned to the door and pushed it shut. Then she untied Serana and helped her to her feet.
"Mother! How did you find me?" Serana swayed. Her head ached. Her vision blurred. Valerica's arm supported her and guided her to sit.
"Clairvoyance. The spell's simple enough for those who know enough of the Illusion school and have the focus required," Valerica said.
"But how did you know it was safe to return?"
"Your father's leftovers are in the Soul Cairn. I found his lost soul there. He was most informative."
Something bothered Serana about Valerica's tone of voice. She couldn't put her finger on it. Maybe it was just Serana herself. That mace had hit her more than hard enough to make her ears ring. But she couldn't focus enough on her magic to heal herself.
"Could you free Sithia? She can heal us." Serana looked up at Valerica imploringly. "I think she can, anyway." She gave Sithia a concerned glance, struggling a bit with her blurry vision.
"I can," Sithia confirmed. "I've healed through worse."
"Very well," Valerica all but growled.
Valerica pulled off the ropes binding Sithia, movements rough. Sithia hissed as the ropes abraded her skin. Serana wondered if she should have specified 'gently,' but surely it should have been obvious?
Valerica pulled Sithia onto her feet and dragged her closer to Serana. "Heal my daughter. Now."
Sithia gripped her own broken arm, stifling a grunt as she set it. Golden light soared around Sithia and encompassed Serana too. Pain came with it, centred on Serana's head. It faded, leaving only the phantom of its memory. Her sight cleared and she could think straight again. She really didn't like the way Valerica was looking at Sithia. That cut through the relief of seeing her mother, and of Valerica saving them from death and an afterlife tormented by Molag Bal.
Green light gathered in Valerica's hand and shot towards Sithia. Sithia froze in place and fell. Paralysis… Just like the Thalmor in Winterhold had done.
"Mother!"
Valerica grabbed Serana and pulled her up. "How dare you. After everything you went through, after everything we went through for our gift. You threw it away for this pathetic mortal? And you, I will deal with you later." She kicked Sithia, glaring down at her.
"It was my choice to make! Don't you dare blame Sithia. She didn't want this," Serana tugged fruitlessly at Valerica's grip on her wrist.
"If not for her, you would not be taken from me. You will not—I won't let you—I'll turn you back myself! I will not lose you to mortality!"
Suddenly fangs pressed against her neck and Serana found herself restrained in Valerica's arms.
"You'll lose me anyway if you do this."
"What?" Valerica drew back a little in her shock, her fangs no longer against Serana.
"You don't get to decide this for me. I'd never forgive you for it."
"How can you say that?"
"Because it would mean she drops dead, and she is everything to me."
"Why would Sithia die if I turned you?" Valerica released her so that Serana could face her. Serana backed off until she was beside Sithia, all too aware that her mother could easily snatch her up again no matter where she went within Breezehome.
"The short story is that Father was going to sacrifice both of us to Molag Bal. Sithia invoked the Wrath of Sithis, which dealt with Father. I had to sell my soul to Sithis, and he's only keeping her alive so long as I don't break that pledge. Being turned would: vampires go to Coldharbour. And there's the fact that you'd die with everyone else if you turned me, as Alduin will eat the world without Sithia to stop him."
"So Sithis has claimed you." Valerica turned and looked coldly at Sithia. "You may not have wanted this. But it is your fault. You have taken my daughter from me."
The paralysis wore off, and Sithia got to her feet, coughing and trembling from the after effects of the spell she hated most. Serana put an arm around her.
"I should kill you where you stand." Valerica was clearly tempted to cast another spell at Sithia, this time ice gathering in her palm.
Serana stepped in front of Sithia, spells readied in her hands.
"You have turned my daughter against me, I see."
"You've done that yourself, the moment you threatened Sithia. Goodbye, Mother. Leave." Serana pointed to the door.
"Serana!" Valerica looked as though she'd been slapped.
"Wait." Sithia stepped around Serana. "You want to blame someone, blame your husband. Blame Sithis. But I had no choice. And I certainly never wanted Serana to pay any price for it."
"You should have paid the price yourself!"
"Do I really need to explain what was involved in invoking Sithis? I'd already paid the ultimate price. I intended to die for Serana."
"I wish you had," Valerica spat.
"Shut up," Serana snapped. "She did. I sold my soul to resurrect her. You don't have to like it, but stop blaming Sithia for something that she doesn't like either."
"Serana, you're a necromancer. Why didn't you just use your skills?" Valerica scoffed.
"It's not the same and you know it!" Serana snarled. "I couldn't have resurrected her as herself, not with her soul claimed by Sithis. Bringing her back as a zombie would only have brought her back in body, a mere puppet. That wasn't an option. Not for me."
Valerica sighed. "A moot point now anyway. But what if you 'accidentally' infected yourself with common vampirism? Find a thin blood and contract the disease. Maybe that wouldn't condemn Sithia to death."
Serana shook her head firmly. "No. It probably wouldn't work, and I can't think of anything worse than having all the drawbacks of vampirism and none of the benefits."
"Even a thin blooded vampire has some—"
"I still have all of the powers that a lesser vampire can have!" Serana demonstrated with a burst of Vampiric Drain on Valerica. Just for long enough to show her she still had the power. "There's only so much a cure will do for a Daughter of Coldharbour. I suspect it wouldn't take much to tip the scales with returning Molag Bal's claim to my soul. I have to avoid that at all costs."
"Serana…" Valerica sighed heavily. "There's nothing I can say that will convince you, is there. And you mean what you said. You would never forgive me."
"Exactly. I'm sorry, Mother. I know this isn't what you wanted for me. But this is my life and my choice."
"And you've chosen her." Valerica glared at Sithia. "I suppose I have to accept it if I want to keep my daughter in my life while she still lives."
Serana crossed her arms. "I'm right here, Mother, don't talk about me as if I'm not. And we have things to do. Alone."
"You mean together, without me." Valerica looked saddened but not surprised.
"Yes. I'm sorry, Mother, but I don't want you involved." Not when she was so hostile to Sithia, and that was unlikely to change.
"Very well. You know where to find me; I'll return to my laboratory. It's time I got back to my work as an alchemist. The Soul Cairn will offer a unique opportunity to continue my studies, and I intend to complete my research." Valerica gave Sithia another withering glare. "Once I've replaced my reagents. Someone stole them." Judging by the way Valerica's eyes never left Sithia, she knew exactly who the culprit was. It was entirely possible Sithia's scent still lingered there. Oops.
"I gave Sithia permission to take those," Serana admitted. "Blame me, not her."
Valerica sighed. "I see. No matter, I can replace them. I suppose I should be on my way." She slowly moved to the door, glancing back at Serana as if she hoped she'd change her mind. Not a chance. But maybe there was more to be said.
"Mother, before you go…" Serana called.
"Yes?" Valerica turned back, wary hope in her eyes. That died with Serana's next words:
"Did you know where those killed by Daughters of Coldharbour go?"
"I never paid it much mind. I knew from lore and experiments that soul trapped wretches end up in the Soul Cairn. But that's not what you mean, is it?"
"Apart from any soul trapped, they end up condemned to eternity in Coldharbour! Father told me. It had the ring of truth."
Valerica briefly looked away. "I didn't know. But it doesn't surprise me. Forgive me. I should have realised and told you myself. Coming from your father, I have no doubt it came as cruelly as he could impart it."
Serana eyed her mother carefully. She seemed to be telling the truth, and with how strained things were between them, Serana doubted Valerica would risk a lie right now. "I believe you. And no, he wasn't kind. As for forgiveness… That you didn't know isn't your fault."
While they talked Serana noticed Sithia searching the body of Tyranus. He wasn't carrying much, just a coin purse and a book, which Sithia must have already read because she didn't open it.
"I suppose I should offer to dispose of that body for you. I'll take it with me." Valerica stepped closer to it.
Sithia frowned up at her. "Won't that give you some unwanted attention? I can make the guards look the other way, I'm a thane here."
"I can use magic to make anyone turn a blind eye. Besides, I might have a use for it."
"Necromancers," Sithia muttered.
"Could you get rid of that mace too?" Serana asked, pointing at the foul thing still gripped in the dead man's hand. "Maybe dispose of it in the Soul Cairn."
"Dispose of a valuable Daedric artefact… And perhaps incur a certain Daedric Prince's wrath." Valerica shook her head slowly. "Only for you. Very well. I'll take the body and the weapon. Is there anything else before I leave?"
Serana winced. She hoped her request wouldn't endanger Valerica. "Just that I'm glad you're all right, Mother. I worried after killing Father."
Valerica frowned slightly. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"I broke your bond when I killed him."
"Oh, that." Valerica waved dismissively. "I'll admit I do feel the broken bond. It even hurts, but it's a relief all the same."
"A pain for what was, a relief for what it became?" Serana asked sadly.
Valerica nodded. "Don't worry for me. I'll not waste away. Harkon has no power over me." She turned to Sithia. "I told you to keep my daughter safe."
Sithia flinched. "I did my best. I'll not stop doing that."
"Your best is—" Valerica cut herself off, letting angry words die unsaid. She sighed. "I believe Serana's story. That you died for her. It will take me longer to accept that it's not your fault that she will die for you eventually. But I'll get there, for her sake."
Sithia smiled tightly. "Believe me, I'm not happy about it either. We were discussing the matter when that man barged in."
"Then perhaps we have more in common than I thought. Do bring my daughter to visit me. When she's ready."
Serana huffed. Her mother was doing it again, talking about her when she was right there! It was maddening. "I'll see you when we have time to visit, Mother. We have a lot to do, so…"
"Don't forget about me."
Serana softened. "Never. And thank you. For saving us from him."
Valerica wrenched the mace out of Tyranus's grip and tucked it into her belt. She picked up the body. "You're welcome. If not for Harkon enraging me with his news, I might not have been in time. It's a strange feeling to have any gratitude towards him."
"Very, after all he did. But he'd once have done anything to protect me."
Valerica gave her a sad look but didn't argue. "I'll be on my way."
Serana helped her with the door and watched her leave, everyone in Valerica's path suddenly having more important things to do than confront her. She wondered when she'd next see her mother again. With everything they had to do, when would they be able to justify a visit? She didn't know. But she was sure they'd work something out. She'd see Valerica again. And when she did, hopefully Valerica would apologise to Sithia for that misuse of Paralysis. Serana closed the door with a sigh. It was probably too much to hope for that they'd ever get along.
AN: Thanks to Gaunty for betaing. This chapter took longer to finish editing than I intended. Depression's a bitch. A shiny new hyperfixation is helping me get through that, but it does mean I'm being bitten by plot bunnies for it rather than Skyrim. I'm still going to do my best to get Doom Driven completed, it's just going to take longer than I hoped.
You may have noticed that my username has changed. It now matches my Tumblr, something I probably should have done around ten years ago. Better late than never.
