Chapter 8
Meltdown and MMA

Still Saturday, 28 April; after the reading of the Potters' wills

Andromeda Tonks watched whilst, as soon as the will readings had ended, Remus Lupin hurried out of the room as though his underpants were on fire.

So minutes later, only Andromeda, Sirius and Harry were walking down the front steps of Gringotts. Harry was in the middle.

As the three were descending the steps, Sirius was grinning. "Drommy, life is brilliant for me right now. I'm out of Azkaban, I'm out of Saint Mungo's, my name has been cleared, I'm Harry's official guardian, the rat is dead from the Death Eater Flu, and Snivellus is dead from the Death Eater Flu. Albus Mumble-More-Platitudes, the Leader of the Slight of Mind, is in prison. He's in minimum security instead of my old cell in maximum security, but I'll take it."

Harry said, "That is so weird, that Professor Snape suddenly died. I wrote him only a week ago, and he was alive then."

Andromeda realised that instead of three people walking abreast down the steps, now there were only two—Sirius had stopped walking. "Harry," Sirius said, "you wrote a letter to Snivellus—to Severus Snape?" Sirius's voice had become louder with each word spoken.

"Yes?" Harry replied fearfully. By now his shoulders were hunched.

"WHY?" Sirius yelled. "WHY WOULD YOU WRITE TO SNIVELLUS?"

Silence. Now Andromeda felt a breeze. She was experienced enough as an Healer to suspect that London meteorology might not be the cause of this breeze.

Wary Andromeda turned to look up the stairs. Sirius's shouting had drawn the attention of the two goblin guards, and the stairs—on which Sirius still was standing—were goblin territory.

Each goblin guard had an axe in a back-scabbard, and each guard had an hand on his axe's wooden handle. Thankfully, the guards still were standing at the top of the steps, and the guards had not drawn their axes. Yet.

Sirius yelled, "ANSWER ME! WHY DID YOU WRITE TO SNIVELLUS?"

The boyish voice spoke lowly: "To apologise. For what Dad did."

The breeze that Andromeda had felt, only seconds ago, was now a rushing wind. Harry was kneeling on a step, and his eyes were squeezed shut, his arms were covering his head, his shoulders were hunched and his head was bowed. The nine-year-old boy who had looked Lucius Malfoy in the eye and had insulted the blond wizard? This boy now was cowering.

Sirius yelled, "YOUR FATHER DID NOTHING—"

Andromeda yelled, "KREACHER! HERE! NOW! EMERGENCY!"

Pop.

Andromeda did not give Sirius the time to say another word, either to Harry or to Kreacher: "KREACHER, TAKE HARRY TO BLACK MANOR NOW!"

Pop. Now only two adults stood on the Gringotts steps; the boy and the house-elf had disappeared.

Andromeda disrespectfully backhanded Sirius's chest—even though the day soon would come when Sirius, as Lord Black, could command her.

At first Andromeda did not speak, lest she say something she could never take back. Sirius did not speak either. His face showed shock, and dawning shame.

At last Andromeda spoke to Sirius, with both her and him still on the Gringotts steps—

"When Severus was in first year, I was in sixth; when Severus was in second year, I was in seventh. Both years that I shared the Slytherin common room with him, my thoughts were on my NEWTs classes. Ordinarily I would have paid no attention to Severus Snape, because of his year. But the entire House talked about the Slytherin firstie who had befriended a Muggle-born witch in Gryffindor. Once I looked at him, I saw that his everyday clothes were old and worn out, and his Hogwarts robes were the cheapest that Madam Malkin would sell."

Sirius grunted and nodded.

"At first Severus was the talk of Slytherin because he was friends with the redhead, Muggle-born Gryffindor girl. Then after a few months, the talk in Slytherin became how he regularly was ganged up on by four Gryffindor firstie boys." Andromeda glared at Sirius, who had been one of the four boys.

Andromeda continued her rant: "By the time you had met with Harry in Saint Mungo's last week, I had bought Harry new clothes. Before then, the clothes he was forced to wear were awful. I remember the shock I felt when I first met him—he was this starved boy who wore worn-out, oversized clothes. He looked like a thinner version of firstie-Severus. And before Lucius Malfoy killed all three Dursleys, Harry was regularly bullied by his cousin and the cousin's friends—what a coincidence, Harry was bullied four against one.

"But Harry didn't have one bully whom he lived with, he had two. Harry's Uncle Vernon also bullied him. Congratulations, dear cousin, just now Harry saw you act like Vernon Dursley—angry and shouting. Any minute now, Harry expected you to start beating him.

"Dumbledore became Harry's guardian only for the status—'Look at me, I'm the magical guardian of the Boy Who Lived!' Are you likewise Harry's guardian only for the status, or will you start acting like the father-figure whom Harry hasn't had since 1981?"

Sirius said, "Bugger. Bloody hell. It's past time I grew up."

Andromeda nodded. "If Dumbledore gets out of prison and challenges you for guardianship, do you think you'll keep Harry's guardianship if every little thing gets you too angry to think? The last time you became like this, too angry to think, you gave Harry away to Hagrid so you could chase after Pettigrew—remember how that turned out?"

Sirius, his head bowed, sighed.

Sirius and Andromeda Apparated back to Black Manor (at Number 12, Grimmauld Place). Then Sirius tried to talk to Harry.

It was an hour before Andromeda no longer felt a breeze inside the manor house. It was another hour before nine-year-old Harry spoke and acted calmly.


In the next few months

Even though Harry and Sirius now lived in London, Harry still attended school at Saint Grogory's Primary in Little Whinging, Surrey. Somehow neither the school's teachers and staff, nor the other children's parents, noticed that Harry and Sirius did not drive up to school or walk up to school, they just appeared near the school.

Harry did not threaten the surviving boys of Dudley's gang, and Sirius certainly did not threaten them. But those boys no longer attacked Harry. Piers Polkiss and his friends had no clue that Harry had faced an adult wizard and had won the fight—but Harry knew this, and his attitude had changed. Harry no longer was a baby mouse, he was a lion cub, and Piers and his friends sensed this.

After enough weeks passed, Saint Grogory's Primary let out and the summer hols began.


Meanwhile at Hogwarts

At the Leaving Feast in June, Acting Headmistress McGonagall announced that the Muggle Studies professor, Quirinus Quirrell, would be leaving the school for a year's sabbatical. Minerva looked round the Great Hall at all the faces there; so far as she could tell, not one student or professor would miss the man, probably because Quirinus was an odd duck.


About a month later
On Harry's tenth birthday, Tuesday, 31 July 1990

Sirius, Remus and the Tonkses helped Harry to celebrate his birthday. Sirius gave Harry a boy's broom as a present.

Throughout the day, Harry was owled birthday cards. With the help of Sirius, Remus, Andromeda and Nymphadora, Harry wrote reply-notes to the birthday cards.

Part of Harry's birthday celebration involved the three menfolk at the birthday party, plus Nymphadora, taking Harry to a video arcade in Muggle London.

In the arcade, no nonmagical person, whether adult or teenager, gave Harry a second look. Three months of Saint Mungo's potions meant that Harry no longer looked like a starveling; and now all the clothes he wore, fit him.

To the nonmagical teen boys who were regular customers at this video arcade, seventeen-year-old "Tonks"—a blond-haired girl who played arcade games and who had an in-your-face name—was a gift from the gods. Harry lost count of how many times nervous Muggle boys asked Tonks for a date.

At the video arcade, Harry became hooked on a laserdisc arcade game, "Mad Dog McCree." Harry, who never had set foot in the United States, had great fun pretending to be a gunslinger in the Old West.


About three weeks later: Monday, 20 August 1990
About a year and a fortnight before Harry begins magical schooling
About two months before Dumbledore is released from Azkaban

Wills-Reading Day (Saturday, 28 April 1990) had been a wake-up call for both Sirius and Remus. James and Lily had entrusted Harry to Sirius and Remus, but the two ex-Marauders in their thirties had spent their years after Hogwarts still acting like immature eleven-year-olds. That is, they had acted immaturely until Wills-Reading Day, when Andromeda Tonks had verbally stripped the skin and muscles from each Marauder's bones.

Now Sirius and Remus were each determined to atone for his failings as substitute father to Harry. It smoothed things over a lot when Harry forgave both men within a week of Wills-Reading Day.

As part of Remus's growing up, he had surrendered some of his false pride about accepting charity. As a result, Remus now lived at Black Manor. The basement dungeons had been werewolf-proofed.

When a team of goblin curse-breakers had knocked on the front door of Black Manor on 22 April, and had informed Sirius that one of Voldemort's horcruxes was in the house, the full story of Voldemort, Slytherin's true Locket, Slytherin's fake Locket, Regulus and Kreacher soon had been revealed. Sirius and Kreacher had not become bosom companions on that day, but their enmity had ended—except for the occasional almost-insult by either the wizard or the house-elf.

After Kreacher had stopped hating Sirius, Harry had asked innocently, "Kreacher, would you please do something about that portrait of Sirius's mum? She's loud and she's insulting, and she makes this house be no place I want to stay in."

The portrait of Walburga Black had disappeared within the hour.

That had been about four months ago. Black Manor had been quiet ever since, except when Sirius decided to act silly.


Now on 20 August, Remus Apparated to the now-quiet foyer of Black Manor, after a day of work at his latest low-paying position. Remus hurried into the library, and looked relieved to find both Sirius and Harry there. Each wizard was reading a book.

Remus's first words to the others were "You know I work with a mob of Muggle-borns, right? One of them said something interesting today, which might or might not help Harry."

Harry said, "Tell us, tell us!"

Remus said, "Phil, he's a bloke I often work with—today he said, 'I wish I'd found out about that Manchester magical school before I started first year, instead of finding out in sixth year. Now I'd have a good position, maybe I'd even have attended uni, and I could tell all the Pureblood ponces to go kiss my arse!' "

Sirius said, "I've never heard of any sort of magical school in Manchester. Are you sure it's real? Maybe he was pranking you."

"Phil seemed to think it was a real school, but he didn't know a lot. He couldn't even tell me the school's official name. But he said that they taught both magical subjects and nonmagical subjects, and they taught only Muggle-raised students. Not Muggle-born—Phil remembered the Muggle-raised part clearly, because it was not at all what he expected."

Sirius said, "So why didn't Phil transfer there? Ah, stupid question, forget I asked, he didn't find out about the school till sixth year, you told me. There would be little advantage to transferring schools, so late in his education."

"That's true; but what also is true is that the Manchester school has an hard cutoff at age nineteen. A student attending classes in person must complete all his magical courses and all of his nonmagical courses by the cutoff age."

"What happens if someone gets to that age, like Phil, and they haven't completed all their schooling?"

"It turns out that most—all?—of the courses that are taught in the school are offered as correspondence courses, so someone still could get an MMA education after age nineteen. But let's face it, when you're nineteen years old, almost certainly you're working somewhere; and it's almost impossible to put in hours of work and to take a correspondence course—or several—at the same time."

Sirius was thoughtful. "If this school is real, I wonder why no Muggle-born I know has ever mentioned it, even if only to say, 'I considered it, but Hogwarts is better.' Lily never mentioned it, Ted Tonks never has mentioned this school and no Muggle-born in the Gryffindor common room ever mentioned it."

Harry said, "Maybe there's an evil plot, myuhaha!"

Both Sirius and Remus looked gobsmacked. Sirius said, "I can't imagine how Dumbledore might do it—but yeah, I can see Dumbles rigging the game so that most of the Muggle-borns never were told that they had a good alternative to enduring Slytherin inbred idiots."

The question then became, How do we find out more about this Manchester school? As Sirius pointed out, "You can't just owl a letter that's addressed to 'The magical school in Manchester, England, if the school exists at all, which we doubt.' Postal owls are good, but they aren't that good."

Five minutes later, it was decided: Tomorrow Remus would go to the Ministry, to the office of WEA (the Wizarding Examinations Authority), and oh-so-casually would ask about this Manchester magical school that also taught Muggle subjects.


The next day (Tuesday, 21 August)
In the office of the Wizarding Examinations Authority, the Ministry of Magic

An intelligent-looking young wizard handed a folded paper brochure to Remus. The Manchester Magical Academy brochure had only one magically moving picture in it, and Remus had to unfold the brochure to see this one magical photograph.

The brochure's one magical picture showed an eighteen-year-old boy who was wearing blue jeans, trainers and a "Manchester United FC" t-shirt; he waved his wand with the correct wand-motion for the Patronus Charm, and silently spoke the incantation; and a glowing Patronus-seagull burst out of his wand.

All the other photographs in the brochure were nonmagical (they did not move), and could have been taken at any private school anywhere.

On the front leaf of the brochure was a large photo that showed a roomful of computers and their televisions. Remus thought, What better way to show that this school is not a wannabee Hogwarts!

Whilst reading the brochure, Remus discovered that Phil's information had been correct: MMA was for students who were "nonmagically raised," and it did not matter to the school whether a nonmagically-raised student had two nonmagical parents, two magical parents or one parent of each sort. Elsewhere in the brochure, Remus noted that students like Lily and Ted were not referred to as Muggle-borns, but were referred to as first-generation magicals, or first-gens for short.

Remus had told the WEA wizard that he was asking about the Manchester magical school "only to satisfy my idle curiosity"; but then Remus pocketed the brochure.

Before Remus left, he then asked the WEA wizard, whilst still claiming idle curiosity, "Why has no Muggle-born whom I've talked to at Hogwarts, ever heard of this school?"

The WEA wizard replied, "What Headmistress Norwood told me is that their version of the Book of Names gets only a third of the names in it that it should, and the school never has been able to pinpoint why the magic goes wrong." The wizard mimed stroking a beard. "But, the headmistress was proud to tell me, every Muggle-raised eleven-year-old who had received a presentation from both Hogwarts and MMA, chose MMA."

"How are the MMA students at Quidditch?" Remus asked. "Hogwarts never has played a Quidditch game against them."

"At Quidditch, they're truly awful," replied the WEA wizard. "None of their students have even heard of Quidditch till they come to MMA, and they aren't taught the rules of Quidditch till fifth-level." The wizard then smiled mischievously. "But then Headmistress Norwood always asks, 'How well do you think Slytherin students would do if they came to MMA and played football?' "


Minutes later, back in Number 12, Grimmauld Place

Harry lunged when Remus laid the Manchester Magical Academy brochure on the library. But with his hands almost touching the brochure, Harry stopped. "Sirius," Harry said with forced calm, "I ask your permission for me to read the Manchester Magical Academy brochure before you do."

Smiling Sirius made the Go ahead gesture.

Harry read the brochure twice. Then with false calm, Harry handed the brochure to Sirius.

Before reading the brochure, Sirius asked Harry, "What do you think?"

Harry shook his head. "I won't say what I think till you've read it for yourself."

Sirius read the brochure, then laid it on the library table. Sirius's face showed no expression. "So, Moony, what did you learn at WEA?"

Remus replied, "MMA students have no reason to like Quidditch, and when they play it, they play it poorly."

"That's a problem," Sirius said, smiling a particular smile.

"You're planning something," Remus accused.

"Only if Harry attends the school." Sirius looked at Harry with a raised eyebrow.

Harry hunched his shoulders. "Will you two get angry with me if I tell you I would an hundred times rather go to this school than to Hogwarts?"

Sirius said, "I won't get angry at the 'hundred times' part, but I'm quite surprised. Please tell us what you're thinking."

"If I go to Hogwarts, I'll learn only magic. I won't learn anything nonmagical. When I grow up, I won't be able to get any work in the nonmagical world and I can't go to uni. On the other hand, if I went to Stonewall High, I'd never learn magic."

Harry's shoulders still were hunched, so Remus asked, "Is there another reason you prefer MMA to Hogwarts?"

Harry said, "Dumbledore is the headmaster of Hogwarts after he gets out of prison, right? If I go to Hogwarts next year, he can hurt me. I mean, other people could hurt me and he wouldn't stop them. Plus, he'd be bossy to me about stuff in my life that would have nothing to do with students, teachers and classes. Back on that night, when Dumbledore and everybody else arrived at the Dursley house, he told me to stop eating!"

Sirius said, "Then as your guardian, I shall make arrangements for you to go to"—he glanced at the brochure—"Manchester Magical Academy. Reason One is because I'm convinced that MMA will be the better school for you. Reason Two is"—now Sirius grinned an evil grin at the other two wizards at the library table—"because I think it would be the ultimate prank on Dumbledore."

Remus said, "I don't think that they'll refuse to let Harry in, that they'll say 'He isn't Muggle-raised enough.' But just in case, remind them that Harry will be attending Saint Grogory's Primary, a Muggle school, till two months before he begins his magical schooling."

Sirius nodded. "Good idea. I'll also tell them that Harry was living in a Muggle house with his Muggle relatives from November of 1981 till April of this year."


Sirius wrote a letter to the headmistress of Manchester Magical Academy. The letter was short on Pureblood dignity and long on brutal honesty, about both Harry and himself. Walburga Black would have burnt Sirius's name off the family tapestry again if she had read the letter.

Headmistress Norwood wrote back and invited Harry, his guardian Sirius and his "U.U" (Unofficial Uncle) Remus to tour the school.


The next day (Wednesday, 22 August)
Touring Manchester Magical Academy

The school's most innovative feature turned out to be that every student in a class had a soundproofing shield round both him and an enchanted photograph of the classroom teacher, so that every student in every class got one-on-one tutoring. As a result, most of the students completed seven years of schooling in less than seven years.

At the end of the tour, Harry loved the school so much that he begged to enter MMA a year early, in September 1990 instead of September 1991.

Headmistress Norwood said, "I regret that such a thing is not possible."


MMA had an optional test that the school would give to a prospective student if the student had lived some of his life, prior to MMA, in the magical world. Headmistress Norwood announced that even though Harry was living in a magical house, because Harry would be attending a nonmagical primary school during his last year of pre-MMA schooling, Harry would not need to take the "Are you nonmagically-raised enough?" test.

But Sirius was curious, and always up for a challenge, so he took the ten-question test. The first three questions were as follows—

.

1. In front of you is a television. Turn the volume up to the loudest it will go, then down to barely enough to hear, then change the channel to Channel 4.

This was a trick question. Not only was the television turned off, but it was unplugged. The power cord was draped over the top of the set, with the electric plug dangling in front of the television screen. The instructions did not mention plugging the television into a wall outlet, but until you did, it was impossible to carry out the instructions.

.

2. Who is the current King of the United Kingdom?

In 1990, this was a trick question.

.

3. Name one British professional team in one of these three categories: a) Cricket b) Football c) Rugby. Add a bonus point if you can name one professional team in each of two categories. Add another bonus point if you can name one professional team in all three categories.

.

The maximum possible score on the test was 12. Passing was 9. Muggle-borns always scored at least 10. Sirius scored 1—and Pureblood Sirius laughingly gave credit to Harry's Muggle-born mother for his one right answer. (8. What colour is the paper wrap for Cadbury Dairy Milk Chocolate? Purple.)


Before Harry, Sirius and Remus left Manchester Magical Academy, Sirius felt he needed to give the headmistress a warning—

"Dumbledore likes to be told he's wonderful. I'm sure he looks forwards to boasting he's the headmaster of the Boy Who Lived, starting next year. When he learns that Harry will be attending MMA instead of Hogwarts, expect much underhandedness from Dumbles—lies in the Daily Prophet, illegal spells, and he trying to smooth-talk the Wizengamot into passing ridiculous laws that will boil down to 'Harry James Potter must attend Hogwarts; he has no choice.' "


Ten days later: Saturday, 1 September 1990

At Hogwarts, Acting Headmistress McGonagall borrowed Auror First Class Proudfoot from the DMLE for a year, to teach DADA.

Meanwhile, Acting Headmistress McGonagall hired Gringotts to track down and to destroy the DADA Curse.

The task took the goblins, once they entered the castle, less than a day. Tom Riddle had carved runes on the doorframe of the DADA classroom; once these runes were nonmagically sanded down, no more DADA Curse!


Twenty days later: Friday, 21 September 1990
Forty-nine weeks till the start of Harry's magical schooling
Four weeks before Dumbledore is released from Azkaban
At Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour

It had been the strangest situation: This evening, both Sirius and Remus had developed a craving for Florean Fortescue's ice cream.

The Marauders' craving was picky. Muggle London had shops that served ice cream, but Sirius and Remus did not want to go to any of those shops. With a bit of a walk, the wizards could leave Black Manor and could go to a London supermarket that sold many brands and flavours of ice cream; but Sirius and Remus did not want to go there.

The craving demanded that Sirius and Remus go to Florean Fortescue's, so to Florean Fortescue's they went. Harry, not being a fool, went with them.

The three wizards just had sat down at an outdoor table, and were giving Mr Fortescue their orders, when something caught Harry's attention—

A nonmagical-dressed couple in their thirties, and their nonmagical-dressed daughter who was about Harry's age, walked out of Flourish & Blotts Booksellers. The father was carrying a Flourish & Blotts bag that was bulging with rectangular items. The daughter, whose hair was even more unmanageable than Harry's own rat's-nest hair, was clearly happy enough either to burst into song soon or to start dancing soon.

The woman said, "Dan, let's stop for ice cream. This is a new and strange world we're in now, but ice cream I understand."

The man said with a grin, "But Emma, ice cream rots your teeth! Well, one time won't hurt."

The nonmagical family discovered that the only table available was next to where Sirius, Remus and Harry were sitting. The girl glanced curiously at Harry.

Then the girl's attention returned to her parents. "I can't wait to start reading Hogwarts: A History. I'm sure I'll find it fascinating."

Harry felt drawn to the Hogwarts: A History girl. He was completely unbothered that her upper front teeth were too big.