Regulus almost wished that Sirius had gone back to drinking away his evenings and crashing on the sofas of his friends. Instead, he was subject to this torment, as Sirius attempted to write poetry.
"Oh, Moony, my dear, you're quite a sight,
With your tattered robes and a face so white,
Your hair all messy, your nose so long,
Yet my heart for you, it sings a song.
Your werewolf curse, a dreadful plight,
But somehow, it adds to your charm, just right,
When you howl at the moon, my heart does race,
I love you, Moony, despite—."
"Awful," declared Regulus. "Truly horrendous. I think I would drown myself, rather than have to listen to any more of that."
He ducked as Sirius tossed a vase at him, which shattered into a thousand pieces against the wall, scraping the mint green wallpaper. He'd object, only he hated the wallpaper, and everything else in this house, himself included.
"Oh, Mistress' favourite vase!" cried Kreature, shooting Sirius a vile look.
"I loved that vase," Regulus said, just to wind them both up.
"And poor Master Regulus, subject to the filthy traitor's presence…" Kreature continued. "My poor Master, oh woe…"
"Shut it, Kreature!" Sirius growled. Of course, because Kreature loathed him, his voice instead dropped to a whisper, as he began cleaning up the mess, and Regulus could hear the occasional muttered insult.
"Tut tut, temper," Regulus said. "Your beloved Moony can't approve of such behaviour, surely?"
"Fuck you, Reggie," Sirius said, sitting back down at the writing desk he'd dragged into the lounge. He leaned back over it, murmuring to himself about words that rhymed with 'race'.
Regulus hated that Sirius chose to stay here, in Grimmauld Place, when he could go anywhere, and be worshipped by the masses. Regulus hated that Sirius had fallen in love with a half breed werewolf and wouldn't shut up about it, despite his best efforts. But most of all, Regulus hated that Sirius had been right, and that the Dark Lord had been nothing but empty promises and lies. Even worse, Sirius knew it, and took most of Regulus's scorn with amusement rather than anger.
"Has anybody ever fallen in love with you?" Regulus said. "I know girls have fallen upon you aplenty, but the Black fortune is enough to make anyone get over their disgust. Potter likely thought that bagging you as a friend was a great way to thumb his nose at the Dark Lord."
As Sirius's shoulders tensed, he smiled. "After all, what is there to love? A disgraced son, a lazy student, an infamous womaniser…"
"Fuck you, Reggie," Sirius said again, but this time his voice wavered. "Don't you have a tattoo to remove?"
Regulus blinked, curling his left arm closer to his body. That stung. But that was Sirius. He gave as good as he got, be it spells or smart remarks. Regulus had always known that.
Of course, Sirius wasn't finished. He stood from the desk, burning the parchment with a flick of his wand. Wise, or else Regulus would read it and further mock him.
"At least I've never grovelled on my knees before a mudblood," Sirius said, smirking. "When you licked his feet, did it taste salty, like human or like chicken skin? I've heard that snake tastes just like chicken, you know."
Regulus clenched his fists as his stomach rebelled. "Fuck you, Siri."
Sirius laughed. "You deserved that one, Reggie. I'll be upstairs, if you'd like to apologise. No need to be on your knees, however."
James snorted, good humour and red wine loosening his lips.
"That was a good one," he agreed, Sirius reminiscing about the time they'd first broken into the kitchens. "But d'ya remember, when Peter—" He cut himself off and winced, staring into his empty glass.
"Go on," Marlene said. "Let's remember the good times, shall we?" She was curled up next to Lily, the two of them glowing with warmth from the firelight.
"If we don't mention him, mate, then we can't ever talk about school at all," Sirius added.
James swallowed. Nodded. "D'ya remember when he snuck into Sluggy's laboratory, night before the sixth year exams? He came back swaying, declaring he was in love with Mrs Norris. It took three days to wear off, we had to tell Madam Pomphrey he was sick, and Remus had to charm him to his bed."
Sirius snorted. "And everytime I went to bed, I'd meow, just like a cat, and he'd sit upright and start calling for her!"
Lily scoffed. "And what were you doing, asking him to sneak into Sluggy's lab?"
James grinned, taking her hand and kissing it. "Finding a way to seduce you, of course."
She shoved him, gently, and shook her head. "Try again, husband mine. I know when you're lying."
"They'd spent the night with me, instead of revising," Remus said. James looked over at him, eyes wide. Remus smiled, tilting his head. "These idiots wanted to help me more than they wanted to pass their exam."
"Worth it!" Sirius declared. "I've never been more pleased to fail an exam."
"It was," James agreed. Remus had looked bewildered, the next day, when they'd all come to the infirmary to check on him instead of attending potions. He'd do it again, every single time, and knew Sirius would too.
"That's why you missed Sluggy's sixth year exam?" Marlene hissed. "Unbelievable."
"We thought you'd all gotten drunk and slept through it," Lily confided.
"I was going for Head Boy!" James said. "Why would I do that?"
Lily shrugged. "Don't ask me."
James grinned at her, enjoying the smirk she returned. It was strange, all of them cosied up in his parent's house, but it was exactly how they'd have wanted him to use it, bringing friends together, bringing their family together.
"I wish you hadn't," Remus mumbled. James exchanged a look with Sirius and mimed zipping his mouth shut. Both the girls giggled, but when he looked over, they whispered together, intent on whatever secret they were sharing.
"Don't be a pillock, Moony. I'd have failed all my exams if it meant being next to you when you woke up," Sirius said.
Even James couldn't hold back his laughter, while Sirius paled as he realised what he'd said.
"I—I mean…"
"Yes, Sirius, what did you mean?" Lily asked. Her eyes twinkled and James was very glad that Dumbledore had agreed to babysit for them this evening.
"I—well, I only meant, I always want to be there, when you need me," Sirius said, turning to Remus with a pleading expression.
Remus thumped Sirius on the shoulder.
"Mate, you've always been there when I needed you."
James winced, watching the conflicting emotions spiraling across Sirius's face. He'd never met a man so in love who could screw it up so many times. Yet Remus was either oblivious or in denial. Or both.
"Spin the bottle!"
James looked over at Marlene, who was staggering to her feet, brandishing an empty bottle of Firewhisky.
"Oh, I'm not sure that's a good idea…" Remus demurred.
"Let's do it!" Lily cried, getting to her feet. "After all, what's a few kisses between friends?"
The pair of them looked at James, who felt his resolve crumple. Lily was his wife, mother of his child… if she kissed someone else, he'd survive. Then she winked at him.
"Great idea," James said, words escaping his mouth without thought. "Pads? Moony?"
"Splendid," Sirius agreed, never one to back down.
"Oh dear," said Remus.
Marlene organised them into a circle and placed the bottle at the centre.
"I'll spin it first," she declared. "And if you don't want to kiss whoever you land on, you can always hug them, okay? There's no pressure."
James wasn't sure if he was glad for this amendment to the rules or if it was a get out of jail free card for his friends. Before he could decide, Marlene spun the bottle.
"Lily!" she shrieked, as the bottle came to rest. "Kiss or hug?"
Lily lunged forward, smacking Marlene on the lips with a kiss. James felt a little bewildered by the turn the evening had taken.
"Here we go," Lily said, spinning the bottle. The firelight flashed off the glass, and James blinked, before realising it had settled upon him.
"Kiss, kiss, kiss!" cheered their friends.
"Well, lover?" Lily said, drawing close.
James dragged her in for a kiss, flicking his tongue against her bottom lip, enjoying the sweet scent of the vanilla perfume she wore and the floral shampoo she used.
"My eyes!" Sirius cried. "Stop them, someone stop them!"
James drew back, giving Lily one last brush of the lips, before turning to the bottle.
"No need to be jealous," he said. "You can kiss me later, Pads."
There were just five of them in the circle, all good friends, all a little drunk, all having fun. James considered, for a moment, where he'd like the bottle to land, then spun it gently. After one rotation, it landed on Remus. Sirius hooted.
"Kiss him like one of your French girls!" Sirius cried.
James leaned forward, as if he were going to snog Remus, well aware of the eyes upon him. At the last moment, he broke away and kissed Remus's cheek, before whispering, "kiss Sirius, or I will."
Remus spluttered, leaning back, then drew James into a warm hug.
"He wanted a hug, can you believe it?" Remus cried. "What a sop!"
James allowed him the indignity, grinning all the while.
Remus spun the bottle and James pretended not to notice the way that Marlene touched her wand. It kept spinning, past Lily, past James… and landed on Sirius.
"Remus, if you don't kiss me I think I might cry," Sirius said.
"Can't have that," Remus murmured, and leaned in.
Everyone, that is, everyone not involved in the kiss, cheered.
Sirius let himself into Amelia's house and curled up on the floor in front of her fireplace. No doubt she'd floo back from the Ministry any moment now and stumble over him.
The fire crackled and hissed. Sirius kept his eyes fixed closed.
"What the—Black! What are you doing here?"
"Lia, my life is over," Sirius declared.
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Amelia said. "Give me ten minutes to get out of my robes and then I'll deal with this amdram performance."
Sirius remained where he was, allowing Amelia to step over him and head upstairs. She huffed as she came back down, not at all because she was breathless, but no doubt because he was imitating a rug on her floor.
"Sirius, if you don't get up, I'm going to permanently transfigure you into a doormat."
Her threat sounded genuine. With reluctance, Sirius dragged himself to his feet.
"Sit."
Sirius sat, then scowled as he realised he'd done so with compliance. The armchair, however, was very comfortable, so he stayed there. Out of choice.
"Don't tell me." Amelia summoned a pot of tea and a single teacup, pouring herself a cup. Sirius resented that she hadn't poured him one, not that he liked tea. "It's about Remus. You're in love with Remus and for some reason, you think he doesn't love you back."
"He doesn't!" Sirius cried. "We played spin the bottle and he kissed me and it was the best kiss of my life then after he had to go outside and have a cigarette."
"I hate you," Amelia said. "I really do." After a moment, she huffed again. "I have a call. I'll be back."
Like a traitor, she disappeared back into the floo. Sirius wallowed on her extremely comfortable armchair, then startled when instead of Amelia coming back through the floo, Remus appeared.
"Sirius?" Remus said. "Amelia said it was life or death. Your life or death…"
"Ahh," Sirius said, realising that perhaps he'd leaned on Amelia a little too much. "Well…"
"Sort your shit out or you'll be trapped here," Amelia cried, sticking her head through the floo. There was a clunk as she locked it, from her side.
"Are you okay?" Remus said, ever the concerned friend. "What's wrong, Sirius?"
Standing, Sirius smiled, and regretted it when Remus winced. "No—nothing's wrong."
"Then… why am I here? What's going on?"
It was time.
Sirius glared at the fireplace for a moment, then looked at Remus, truly looked at him. His amber eyes gleamed in the lowlight and mouth looked eminently kissable.
"I fancy you," Sirius said. "Have, for… a long time. That's what she means. Sorry."
"Sorry?" Remus croaked. "Sorry?"
Sirius shrugged, unable to meet his eyes. "Yeah. I mean. I figure you knew. But… Lia said I should tell you."
"Shut up," Remus said. "Shut up, Sirius. Just for one moment, shut up."
Obediently, Sirius shut his mouth. He chanced a look at Remus, who looked as if someone had stunned him.
"You fancy me?"
Sirius chanced opening his mouth to answer. "Yeah…"
Remus strode toward him, capturing Sirius's head with both hands. "Well, good. Cos I fancy you, idiot. So much."
Before Sirius could complain about being called an idiot, he was being kissed within an inch of his life. Fireworks exploded in his brain and the stars could have collapsed and reformed; he never would have noticed, but for the taste of Remus's mouth on his.
"If I'm being honest," Sirius said, drawing back. Remus gazed at him warily. "Fancy, probably the wrong word."
"Oh?" Remus growled.
"Love!" Sirius quickly corrected. "I, maybe, well, probably, love you!"
"Yeah?" Remus said, planting soft kisses along Sirius's jaw and nibbling at his lips. "Well, I love you, too."
Notes:
RADA is the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, based in London.
Amdram is short for amateur dramatics, theatre done by people that wouldn't be classed as professionals.
Chat GPT wrote the poem after I entered a prompt requesting bad poetry from Sirius to Remus.
Yes, even Voldemort lives. Although his life certainly isn't a happy one!
The title, of course, is from the Doctor Who quote...
Just this once, everybody lives!
I hope you liked this AU.
