"You sure you wanna do this, honey?"
Josephine Carter isn't entirely sure she knows the answer to that question. She isn't sure she ever knew it, honestly, and her teeth catch on her lower lip while she tries to consider how best to reply. Well aware of her father's presence beside her, the weight of his gaze on the side of her face is not something that is easy to miss, but she doesn't look him in the eye. She can't, because she knows he will see right through her tenuous attempt at bravado in seconds, flat.
It isn't that she does not appreciate his concern. Quite the opposite. She adores him for it far more than she could ever put into words. More accurately, Josephine wishes the concern had not been necessary in the first place, but the reasoning behind that reality is truly all on her.
"It's just for the summer, Daddy."
"Doesn't mean I can't question it anyway."
Unable to resist a faint smile in response to the grumbled words, Josephine leans against her father's side just a bit, and a soft sigh escapes when his arm winds around her shoulders not long after to keep her close. The strength beneath the hold, gentle though it may be, almost has her questioning her own desires, knowing she will miss her parents most of all.
But she wants this. Needs it, if she is being honest. Too many things have happened in the span of only the last few days, and space is suddenly something that is more important than remaining at home.
"I just need some space."
"So take your mother's boat for a bit. Don't need to hop on a plane when there's plenty of space 'round here if you know where to look."
"Daddy—"
"You're letting that boy run you off."
"And here I thought you liked him," Josephine remarks, a frown pulling at the corners of her mouth, because despite her best efforts, the words come out with far more bitterness behind them than she truly intends, "He's not running me off."
"Sure as hell what it looks like."
"Maybe you need to consider looking at it from a different point of view."
"How am I supposed to do that if you won't even tell me what happened, sweetheart?"
Sighing, Josephine slips out from beneath the steadying weight of her father's arm, a shiver passing through her even though the breeze that blows a few tendrils of hair in front of her face is hardly chilled. She's already decided not to tell her father the details prompting her decision to spend some time at her aunt and uncle's in California. She decided that almost as soon as the choice had been made.
Truthfully, what had happened isn't anything new. It certainly is nothing truly terrible, and would not have been, even if she hadn't reminded herself time and time again that she honestly should have seen it coming from a mile away.
She'd given her heart to someone too soon. Believed he was different. Someone that would have been willing to accept all of her for who she was, rather than simply maintaining an interest in what surface appearances might suggest.
It is hardly the first time that somewhat old-fashioned ideals have held her back from a relationship going any farther than those first few months. But somehow, it still does not make the reality of it all sting any less.
"You aren't going to say a word, are you?" Her father asks, though the words hardly sound like any sort of question at all, "Stubborn. Like—"
"Like my mother?"
"Do me a favor and maybe try to sound a little less pleased about that."
"I think we both know that's not really my style."
Ben Carter's answering laugh is more of a reward than Josephine truly feels she deserves in that moment, particularly considering the nature of their current conversation. Again, she is forced to realize how much she will miss this. How much she is going to miss home.
When she was younger, spending summers in California had been common. Something to look forward to with every fiber of her being, even loving her home in Alaska as much as she does. And while Jo can hardly say she is dreading the prospect of seeing her aunt and uncle—her cousins—again, this time, the visit is marred by something she honestly does not want to face.
The reality of something she may never actually have.
A husband, and kids to call her own.
It's morbid thinking. Jo knows it. She wants to shake the thought from her mind, but she can't quite seem to actually succeed. The failure of a few relationships hardly dooms her to a lifetime alone. And maybe she could believe that completely, but for the one lingering outlier that remains constant in every failure she's known thus far.
Every relationship that has ended has only done so because of her.
Or rather, what she wants.
What she wants, and what she is not willing to simply give away.
She wants a real relationship. Real love. Something that is worth far more than just a few romps between the sheets before being casually thrown away. Maybe she is a fool. Maybe she really will end up alone, because no one else is clinging to these ideas as fiercely as she is. They haven't been for a very long time.
If her father knew this was the real reason behind her choice to go to California, it would forever change the way he saw a colleague. A friend, despite the fact that the man in question is young enough to be his son.
Josephine refuses to do that. To take that from him. She can't.
Especially when the way she's seen him love her mother through the years—the way her mother has loved him in return—is the only reason she wants what she wants at all.
"Don't suppose you're gonna tell me what you're thinkin' about now either, are you?"
"What, and ruin all the fun?"
"Guess that's about in line with what I thought."
"I'll call you every night if it makes you feel any better," Josephine offers, already taking note of her father's amused roll of the eyes, such that the corners of her mouth pull up in an almost impish grin, "Unless you're actually happy to be rid of me."
"I'm not even dignifying that with a response, darlin'."
"See that's funny, Daddy, because it seems like saying that is a response."
Dodging out of the way in time to avoid the well-aimed swat her father directs at her side, Jo is nothing short of pleased that, for the moment at least, whatever determination he might have felt to get to the bottom of her own thoughts has been put aside. She feels relief over it, in fact, even in spite of the small blade of guilt that twists inside her chest over the lie.
In seconds, his arm is around her shoulders again, this time to guide her back into the house while he leans down to press a kiss against her temple, and Josephine catches herself savoring the small gesture even as he speaks.
"Go and find your mother and tell her we're ready to get you to the airport. I'll get your bags in the car."
The words signal acceptance of her decision, or at least as much as she is likely to receive from a man who is as set in his ways as Ben Carter, and Jo hurries farther into the house to do as she's been told not long after. Even as she moves, her eyes trail over familiar decorations. Furniture. Photographs, framed on the walls, so that she can memorize every last detail.
She wants to remember her home exactly as it is, even though nothing ever changed any of the other times she left her parents behind. Each and every time she returned from her uncle's, everything still remained in its proper place.
Something about this particular time feels different, though, in a way that Jo cannot fully explain. It lingers in the back of her mind, unreachable. Unexplainable, but there all the same.
The sight of her mother in the kitchen, as anticipated, forces the thought and its ludicrous nature from Jo's mind, however, the younger woman finding herself, once again, on the receiving end of a concerned glance and a warm embrace. And as she withdraws, her mother's hand still lingering between her shoulder blades, she persists in attempting to ignore such an idea as best she can.
She's made her choice. It is only a few months away from home, to get some space. To clear her head. To figure out what on earth she ought to do with her life, if the future she truly wants really isn't going to be feasible.
If nothing else, spending time with her uncle's brood of children should settle the longing she feels for one of her own, even if only for a little while.
And all things considered, Jo supposes that will have to be enough.
…
Alright, and we're back for round two! A 'reboot' so to speak, of Flares! Though here, reboot should probably be used a little more loosely compared to Freefall, as I didn't have as much of a chance to get into the plot completely. Either way, like with Casey's story, it is my sincerest hope that at least some of you find this worth a shot! And as per usual, if you are so moved, I would absolutely love to hear what you think!
My heartfelt thanks go out to each and every one of you for your patience, both with my sporadic updates, and reboots, and all of the other things I've thrown your way! I appreciate all of you so very much more than you know, and I look forward to seeing at least a few of you (I hope!) along for the ride!
Until next time…
angstytalesrx