FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S: AT A FLIP OF A TOKEN
Warning: If this fic seems familiar to you, that's because I'm fucking stupid and forgot my password. I'm back baby
It was 11:50 at the Freddy Frazbear Family Pizzeria. The cleaning staff had already left, dutifully doing as little work as humanly possible by pushing all the filth and uneaten pizzas into hidden corners. The doors and windows were closed, and the night guard, Mike Schmidt, was already at his office.
Mike checked all the cameras to see if the pizzeria had any intruders. Not that he feared someone would steal something from the restaurant, but because no one should stay and face the horrors that happened after midnight. He then put the tablet down, checking the time. 11:59, any second now...
Mike's wrist watch beeped softly as midnight arrived. The lights flickered briefly when restaurant switched from external to battery power, limiting how much energy he could use during his shift like every other night. This, however, was no problem for him. He has been working on this job for months now, so he was basically a pro at managing power... and defending himself from unholy animatronics.
Things got considerably easier the longer he stayed at that place, however. The more efficient Mike became at his job, the less the animatronics tried to kill him. What was even the point when he had the reaction times of an Adderall-addicted Korean child? The only one that was still trying was Foxy. Not out of determination or persistence, mind you, just plain mental retardation.
Bonnie liked to spend his nights inside the closet. It was a quiet, isolated spot away from the other animatronics that gave him just enough privacy to enjoy some time away from his… eccentric bandmates. There was a camera in there, but the night guard rarely, if ever used it. Bonnie liked to imagine that he and the watchman had reached a non-verbal agreement to leave each other alone. He was about halfway through his book when he heard the telltale footsteps of Foxy, the Pirate. The purple rabbit raised his gaze from his book briefly, counting each step. Twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five… and right on cue:
"RREEHEHAAAAAAAAHHHHGHGHRGRBFEUIWQGOE!" Foxy screamed at the top of his non-existent lungs as he collided against the office's door yet once again. Bonnie simply shook his head and went back to his book. If one were to think that constant, high-impact blows like that would severely damage someone's brain, they'd be correct. The rabbit was pretty sure Foxy was at least able to speak at some point; now, the faux pirate could only babble incomprehensibly.
Speaking of brain damage, the restaurant's second special child had already made her way to the kitchen. Unlike Foxy, Chica's shriveled mechanical brain was all natural. Those cheap, shitty wires and repurposed chips could only process one thing: hunger, for pizza. Every single day, she was forced to stand in that stage, powerless to do anything but watch as rowdy children stuffed their faces with shitty pizza. But now that the guests were away, it was her turn. With her beak gaping open, Chica laid her eyes on the pile of leftovers, safely stashed in a corner thanks to the cleaning staff's laziness.
"Oh yeah, pizza time." The chicken spoke to her lobotomized cupcake companion. All she had to do now was walk in and claim her prize. With confidence, she began to trudge through the inexplicable piles of pans and pots scattered across the kitchen, all rattling and crashing around creating a cacophony loud enough to wake the dead.
Freddy Frederick Fernando "Fazfuck" Fizalle Fijoushi Fazbear, the leader of the group and the image of the Family restaurant, liked to spend his nights gaming. Not just gaming, actually, livestreaming too. With his dollar store shitass setup claiming the backstage, Fred sat on a borrowed chair, wearing some cheap headphones over his animatronic ears.
"Okay guys." Freddy spoke into his microphone, the audio quality so inhumanly garbage that the reverberations it caused were enough to kill a small child. "Tonight I'm finally going to rank up to Silver 2. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Yeah. Don't forget to donate so I can buy a new keyboard, this one is still broken."
He was actually doing rather well this time. The bomb was planted on B, and Freddy was the last one alive. Hidden in a corner, Freddy listened closely for any sound besides the explosive's beeping. Anything that would give away the last remaining enemy's position. The bear leaned closer to the screen, breathing heavily into the microphone as he kept his eyes wide open. He could swear he heard footsteps coming from mid. He tried to focus his hearing on those sounds, but all he could hear was-
CLOANG CLANG SKLANG KLANG CLONG CLANG CRASH KLANG CRASH CLANG CRASH CRASH SKLANG KLOANG KLENG CLONG CLUNG CLANG CRASH
"SHUT THE FUCK UP BACK THERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT RETARD" Freddy bellowed, yanking his headphones off his ears as he looked back in the direction of the kitchen "I'M TRYING TO CARRY A FUCKING MATCH HERE!"
"FUCK YOU FREDDY IT'S PIZZA TIME! " Chica yelled back, her mouth stuffed with Italian deliciousness.
Fuming, Freddy put his headphones back on and slumped down on his seat. Thankfully, that little distraction hadn't cost him the game. The bomb was close to finish the countdown, all he had to do was keep the last enemy away from it to win. His dream of not being a scrub was quickly smashed once he was swiftly gunned down from a hidden angle, leaving the bomb undefended. Freddy could only watch with horror as a CT jumped into the bomb site and successfully disarmed it. The match ended with a loss, taking away hours and hours of work as he was demoted back to Silver 1.
"Poggersh!" Chuck E Cheese yelled out in commemoration after that sweet clutch, doing a dab for his chat. Once again that fucking filthy cheesefucking rat ruined his chances of climbing to his true elo, Silver 3. The pain, the humiliation, it was too much for Freddy. The bear threw his headset across the room, screeching like a camel shitting a cactus, then punched his monitor so hard it shattered into seven trillion pieces. Not content with the destruction, he picked up the PC tower and slammed it against the floor. All the while screaming several hard gamer words.
Meanwhile, Bonnie had already finished his book and began a new one when the usual auditory abuse much for his reading time. Closing his book, Bonnie put it aside while turning his attention to the ajar door. The loud thumping sounds coming from the end of the hallway heralded yet another Foxy attack. Since he had nothing better to do, he began to count the footsteps once again. Twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five…
Nothing.
Bonnie's ears perked up. Did Freddy's gamer rage or Chica's diabetic rampage mask the sounds of Foxy's failure? No, he was right next to the office, there was no way he wouldn't hear it. Had the night guard finally been to slow to stop the fox? Definitely not, he'd at least be hearing something. And besides his bandmates, there was nothing. Something was wrong, he could feel it in his metal bones. Bonnie tentatively peeked out from the closet, biting on his fake-furred fingers.
"Foxy?" He called out softly, though there was no sign of the red fox. The office's door was open, and he hadn't heard him make his way back to pirate cove. Bonnie's ears lowered as he stepped out of the closet, worrying about what could have possibly happened. Foxy was dumb, sure. And a nuisance. And severely retarded. And a registered sex offender. And a danger to society. And children. And small animals. And the elderly. And photosensitive people. And the British. But still, he was their friend, and Bonnie couldn't stand idly while a friend was in trouble.
"Foxy." Bonnie called out again, this time more firmly. His legs shook, but he forced them to walk him towards that office. The rabbit leaned in as cautiously as he did back at the closet, readying himself to face whatever horror inside that cramped room. The first thing he saw was Foxy; thankfully, the fox seemed fine, but something was definitely amiss. He just stood there silently, his singular eye wide with shock. Foxy never stood still, he would either run around, shit himself, harass children, jerk off or all of the above, but never stay put like that.
"F-Foxy?" The rabbit tried to grab his attention a third time, but he was unsuccessful again. He had no choice but to follow the fox's line of sight slowly turning to face the horror. And once he laid eyes on Michel, he regretted it instantly. The night guard was completely naked, with the exception of a furry mascot head. It was hard to tell what animal that filthy thing was supposed to resemble, being so poorly made and having the most nonsensical color choices imaginable. His body was covered in sweat, grease, bruises and several other bodily fluids he was too scared of identifying. Just looking at it made Bonnie sick, something rather impressive considering he was genuinely incapable of throwing up. And that was only the beginning. Michel turned his head towards the newcomer, making Bonnie freeze on the spot. Slowly, he raised his filthy, disgusting hard, reaching out for the purple animatronic.
"B… nnuy."
"Chat I don't fucking know how to switch monitors without turning off the stream." Meanwhile, Freddy was too busy trying to salvage his gaming time to notice the newfound hazard within the restaurant. The monitor had taken the brunt of his gamer rage, and the computer itself managed to survive, barely. "CHAT STOP FUCKING SPAMMING POGCHAMP. MODS BAN ANYONE WHO POSTS POGCHAMP!". Chica, on the other hand, was having the time of her life. Carcinogenic microplastic-flavored pizza was one thing, but hearing Freddy suffering was even sweeter. Her enjoyment was quickly interrupted once Bonnie ran into the kitchen, Foxy in tow.
"Chica! Listen to me, put that pizza down!" He yelled, slapping the piece away from her hand once she tried to push it into her mouth "LISTEN TO ME! This is serious, we need to get out of here, now!"
"You dare you interrupt pizza time?!" The chicken clucked indignantly, though her fury was short lived once she heard a most foul noise coming from the hallway. The trio poked their heads out, just in time to see Michel heading their way with ill intent. A wet, slapping sound filled the air as he came closer and closer, and it was clear it wasn't just from his bare feet hitting the ground. The trio looked at each other for a brief second, then promptly ran away towards.
"What the fuck is all that noise?" The head of the band stormed out of his dedicated gamer room after hearing the incoming chaos, his gamer fury quickly being replaced by horror as he saw the deranged night guard running towards them "HOLY SHIT HE'S A FURRY, RUN!"
The Fazbear gang ran for their lives, Freddy running past all the other three. They managed to just barely escape Michel's lustful grasp, locking the main door to stop him from following them further. The night guard clawed at the door, staring at them with those empty, faux furry mask eyes before slowly retreating back into the dark restaurant. He was locked inside the pizzeria, but they were also locked out of their home.
"What… the FUCK was that?!" Freddy pointed at the door with a shaky hand "Shit… My gaming setup! My stream! That bitchboy stole my breadwinner!"
"Where am I going to get my pizza now?!" Chica held her head with panic "I need my fucking pizza!" She turned to grab Bonnie, shaking him like a mother shakes an unwanted baby "I NEED IT. I'M GOING TO SHIT MYSELF IF I DON'T GET A SLICE NOW!"
"Hello."
That small voice came from a nearby alley, catching the attention of the animatronic band. Well, only three of them, Foxy had curled up in a corner to shit his pants. A short figure waddled out of the shadows, right in view of the group. It was no one other than Balloon Boy himself.
"Hi." The little kid animatronic giggled "Say, I might have just overheard four animatronics who are in trou-"
"IT'S BALLON BITCH! KILL HIM!" Freddy screeched, charging Balloon boy and nailing him with a kick so strong it sent him flying against the wall. Before the little guy could recover, Freddy was already on top of him, pummeling his head into junk with his fists
"Freddy, no!" Bonnie immediately ran up to him, trying to stop the rampaging bear "Stop it, he can probably help us!"
"Don't hurt him Freddy!" Chica shrieked, batting her deformed wing hand hybrids against him "He might have pizza with him!" She turned to Balloon Boy "You have pizza, right?"
"No." BB replied, already missing a few teeth
"FUCKING DIE!" yelled Chica, grabbing the small animatronic by the feet, swinging him full force against a trash can. Freddy readily joined in by elbow dropping BB, and the two continued to beat the shit out the single most hated animatronic in existence.
"Guys! GUYS" Bonnie screamed to get their attention, but their hatelust against Balloon Boy was far too great "We need his help! We have to get the pizzeria back! Think of the children!" Nothing "Think of the restaurant!" Nothing again, Freddy piledrived BB into the asphalt "Ugh… Think of the money."
"Oh shit!" Freddy gasped, grabbing BB by the head and setting him down on the floor "Damn he's right. Alright you little shit, you better help us."
"Alright, no problem." Balloon boy said, getting back up on his feet with his face unexplainably already fixed
"Whoa, for real? Even after we kicked you little bitch ass?" asked Freddy
"Eh, I'm already used to it, actually. It happens more often than you think." BB shrugged before clapping his little nubby hands together "Alright, so… The night guard in your restaurant turned out to be a furry, and now you can't go back, right? Well, I got good news and bad news. Bad news is, he's waaay too powerful for any of you to defeat him, so forget trying to take the pizzeria back by force for now. Furries are a force to reckoned with, and can keep coming back even if you kill them."
"You really sound like you know a lot about them, huh?" Freddy snorted, crossing his arms with suspicion, though Balloon Bitch just waved dismissively
"Trust me, in this field of work, I get to know a lot of things." His face gained a sinister shadow, his face growing weary "Too many things, far more than someone should know."
"Um… What about the good news?" asked Bonnie
"Oh, right!" The shadow disappeared as he looked back to the four animatronics "Well, like I said, furries are hard to deal with, but they're not invincible. Check this out!"
BB produced a scroll from his pocket, unrolling it to reveal an ancient picture of four slices of golden pizza
"Whoa…" Bonnie said with awe
"Holy shit!" Freddy whistled
"Ghrrogh." Foxy gurgled, eating some of the fecal geyser he had unleashed on the corner.
"PIZZA!" Chica screeched like a velociraptor with 50 kg of pure cocaine running through its veins, tackling Balloon Boy down and swallowing the scroll, along with his arm.
"Chica, no!" Bonnie moved in to pry her off the poor little animatronic. Chica growled and snarled like a pit bull that just found an unattended kindergarden, but eventually let go. Thankfully, the scroll was undamaged.
"ANYWAYS." BB said with annoyance "This, right here, is the mystical golden pizza. It is said that this artifact holds such power that can turn anyone into an all-powerful god."
"And how can we find this pizza?" Bonnie asked
"Holy fucking shit let me finish explaining the plot device before you start asking dumb questions, you insufferable cocksucking pissdump shit-for-brains urban shitfuck of a rabbit." BB snapped, continuing after the rabbit flinched and clammed up "The four legendary pieces were scattered across space and time after the world was torn apart by war over its power. Normally this would make it impossible to be retrieved, buuuuuuut I just so happen to know a way."
Balloon Boy began to make his way down the alleyway, beckoning the four to follow him. Instead of finding a dead whore, a drug dealer or an Irishman, they instead came across a small ballpit.
"That's the thing that's supposed to take us to the pizza slices?" Freddy scoffed "Like, really? There's nothing in those except child piss and lost coins."
"You see; several universes exist parallel to ours." BB explained "There's a practically infinite number of universes exist, along with infinite possibilities. This doesn't really mean anything other than being an excuse for lazy writers to make shitty superhero movies and comics. Regardless, there's always a constant across all these universes." He gestured at the ball pit "This, right here, is one of those constants. It acts like a gateway, allowing you to cross different timelines and universes."
"And how exactly does it work?" Bonnie piped up, his curiosity about the multiverse giving him enough confidence to speak again.
"Oh, it's pretty simple, you just… Jump in!"
With untold force, BB shoved all four animatronics into the ballpit in one swift move. The sunk into the piss-covered balls immediately, and found themselves travelling through an ever spiraling tunnel of the fifth dimension.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" screamed Bonnie
" WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKK" screamed Freddy
"I REGRET EVERYTHIIIIINNNGG!" screamed Chica
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!" screeched Foxy, shitting himself so hard he got propelled forward ahead of his bandmates.
Meanwhile, BB was still watching the now empty ballpit, crackling like the little shit he was
"Yesssssss… All according to plan, master…"