This is a sequel to Linkguistics, but you will probably be fine if you don't read it first.

Malanya pulled himself up as he heard the familiar rhythm of hooves. Malanya prided himself on knowing each horse but some horses in particular stood well above the rest. Epona was a particularly great friend to have and always had great gossip. Usually the gossip was about how Link and Zelda were faring.

As things had gotten very weird lately he was dying to hear news from Epona. The lingering stench of evil was not only pronounced, he heard it drained the life out of a few of his horses. They said the bipedal people were calling it Gloom.

Epona slowed her trot as she came to the flower and snorted.

Malanya said "They've been missing for that long?! Well, rats. I was hoping you would have sent Link off to fix this."

Another snort from Epona.

"Well, I mean, yeah you could try looking for him yourself. I'd hate to leave him unattended when the elemental fruits are all ripe. He'll be fine, I'm not sure about collateral damage if he gets separated from Zelda..."

Epona nickered.

"Um... Well. If any horse could do that, I guess it would be you. Good luck finding Link! If you end up fighting any monsters, be sure to give them a good kick on my behalf!" Malanya waved at Epona as she trotted off to find her master.

Link had only just finished mastering modern Hyrulian dialects. Now there was a new ghost king with a whole new language to learn from. If someone asked him how he was doing, he would be saying "I've been better. At least I have my memory this time around."

Link looked at the stony visage of the steward construct while it creaked to life. It said, "Link. I have waited for you. Princess Zelda left something for you in my care. This is the Purah Pad. I am told it is an invaluable tool that will provide you with direction and some translation." Unlike Rauru's attempt to greet Link, there was no issue with the Hyrulian language this construct spoke.

Link about cried with relief when he realized there would be at least some translation of the new Zonai language. "Oh Thank you! Zelda is the best. Of course she would have that kind of foresight but I have so many ques-"

The steward interrupted Link as he started to reach for the pad. "Before you can take the Purah Pad, there is an End User License Agreement for you to agree to."

"Wait a minute."

"Zelda insisted. It was very important. She has specific addendums for each function"

"Oh come on." Link said. In his opinion, maybe Zelda had a little too much foresight into how Link would act if they were separated. He tried to pick up the pad from the steward's compartment and found it locked in place. Rauru watched this exchange and though he didn't understand most of it, he could understand the annoyed look Link had. Link glared at the words on the screen.

The steward construct stated "Once you have read the agreements thoroughly and signed the EULA you can have the Purah Pad. It will help you on your journey."

While Link muttered a lot of irritated things to himself, Rauru muttered "Iwon derw hat Link willsa yif hen eedstos ig nt h eUltraha nd'ste rmsofs erv ice..."

The original title for this was going to be "Link Versus the Safety Features."

Then I thought of the Master Horse pun.

Also where the heck did the Divine Beasts go? Where is Kass? Where are the cats? Nintendo I need answers.