Bonus Chapter - A Further Epilogue - Part Two
Sunday the ninth of April
Well, we are in London, and as usual we are staying at Darcy House with my cousins. It is a bit of a tight squeeze with all three of our families here, for the Robinsons arrived a day before us, so I am sharing Janey's room, with Lyddie in the room on the other side of our small sitting room. I think that second room was meant to be a maid's room; it is quite a lot smaller than a normal guest room in this house, but my aunt had it decorated specially for us years ago, and it is really cosy and pretty now, all in green and yellow tones just like Janey's room.
I have now finished reading all of Mama's journal up to her seventeenth birthday, and as I didn't take the next book with me, that is all I can know of her until we return home.
We had a little time together after church, just Mama and I in her room, and I asked her if she did pay attention in church as she had promised to do for a whole two years after her sister's wedding; we laughed a lot about that promise. She admitted that she tried really hard at first, but their parson at the time was not always the best at writing engaging sermons; it all changed at Pemberley though, as the clergyman my uncle had appointed in Kympton was young and energetic, and that made listening far easier. She did say he was a rather ugly little fellow, but with so much faith, passion and enthusiasm that she just could not help being enthralled by his sermons; sadly he passed away quite young from an illness he caught helping his parishioners during an epidemic, so I do not remember ever hearing him; I think he must have been a very good speaker to keep Mama's attention, and a good man to sacrifice his health for his flock.
Before I forget to write it, we stopped at Longbourn for one day on our way to London, as we usually do, and Grandpa showed me the book Mama was talking about. As soon as I said it had naughty words at the back from her description, he knew exactly what book it was; he had not discovered Mama had read it, although he knew Aunt Elizabeth had, and he was greatly amused by the thought of his younger daughter sneaking in his study to read while he was working on the farm or in Meryton. I think that even improved his opinion of Mama, whom he used to consider rather silly at that age. He did not let me read the list of words myself, apparently I am still a little too young in his eyes, and I will need to wait for a year or two; still he did read a few of them aloud, with their definitions, and we giggled a lot. My Grandpa is a very clever and very funny man.
That is enough for today I think.
BW
Tuesday the eighteenth of April
We have finished most of the preparations for Lyddie's presentation to court on Friday. Her dress is perfect according to Aunt Georgiana, however I think it is perfectly ghastly. I am so glad I am not related to an Earl as she is, and therefore may get away with a later presentation or even without one at all if I am lucky. Actually she is related to two Earls, I forgot that her father's older brother is an Earl too. It is the Fitzwilliam side who is sponsoring her though, and the Countess has already said she will also sponsor poor Janey in two years' time. I say poor Janey, for she is just like her Mama, not as tall and willowy as the rest of us, and the dress will swallow her like a giant meringue or an over-whipped syllabub. Aunt Elizabeth has kept her dress from her presentation after her wedding, and Janey tried it for a lark; unless she grows very quickly the weight of the skirt and the feathers will be crushing my poor cousin before she even makes it out of the carriage.
It has made me think though, everything is going to change in our lives. The three of us will get presented (or not hopefully for me), come out, attend events and dance, and then we may get married and nothing will be quite the same again. I am really not ready for that, and unlike Mama in her journal, I have no particular dream or idea about any future husband. Lulu, Caro and Mary-Jane, who is aunt Mary's daughter, are older and out already, and they have enjoyed balls and assemblies, but they are not married yet, although Janey said Lulu has a suitor, but she has not said much about him yet. I hope I can wait until I am older and more ready.
Mama was two and twenty when she married Papa; she always wanted adventures and dreamt of travelling. Papa did take her abroad at the start of their marriage, first to Italy, then Ireland the following year, and finally he took her to the Balkans before I was born. She never went to see Africa though, but maybe they can still travel when Fred is at university and I am either married or staying with my cousins. Or I guess I could go with them, even though I do not think I am a grand adventurer like Mama. Papa has most certainly answered and probably exceeded all her wishes about dancing and parties, for we always seem to have visitors, friends or family with us. And he does regularly get her pretty dresses; she still loves beautiful attire, from dresses to capes and pelisses, bonnets, jewellery, just as when she was my age, I am sure.
It is odd how much people change and yet remain just the same. I look at Mama and all her sisters, and I think they are all very much the same girls they were twenty years or more ago when Mama wrote about them all, yet they are also so grown up and serious when they need to be. They are mothers, but still themselves in a way. I am very different from Mama and my closest aunts, although I think I am a little more like Aunt Mary, more calm and thinking things through rather than acting on impulses and first impressions.
I think I will talk with my cousins about what we all want. All I know is that I want to always stay close to them and to my family, just like we are with all the former Bennets, Darcys and Westwoods now. But I wonder what I will become. Whatever it is, I will continue writing so I can look back and see how much I have changed, or not changed.
BW
Sunday the twenty third of April
Lyddie's presentation went well, the Countess told us all about it, and my cousin did not panic or falter. She held her head high and gracefully took her curtsey and walked back without mishap, so she is now officially presented and out. I know you do not need to be presented to be out, but the Fitzwilliam side of her family insists on it.
On Friday Miss Lydia Robinson's coming out ball was held in the Earl and Countess's magnificent ballroom, in their huge Grosvenor Square mansion. It was all very proper and well attended with plenty of eligible bachelors.
How serious and grown-up that all sounds; I wish I had been able to peek into the ballroom, to see all the ladies and gentlemen in all their finery, enjoying the music and all the dances. My parents and the Darcys were there to support Lyddie, as there were so many high born people invited, most of them she has never met, she needed her close family, not just her Mama and Papa. She opened the ball with her father, then had a set with the Earl so that everyone knew of his support, and then she was introduced to more dance partners. Ben had secured her dinner set so she would not be lumbered with someone unsuitable during the meal, and Charlie had her last set so no gentleman could claim it to raise expectations. That is Charles Bingley Junior, Lulu's twin brother, a nice enough cousin, but a little too much like his father for my tastes; Lulu is far more interesting and funny.
Yesterday the drawing room here, and apparently the one at the Fitzwilliam house as well, were full of flowers sent by Lyddie's many admirers. We laughed at seeing so many hothouse flowers displayed everywhere. We also spoke quite a lot after the ladies, including my cousin who is now one of them now, had survived visiting hours. And I mean survived, for there were so many, many callers, gentlemen and ladies alike. I do not think she has noticed or favoured any gentleman yet, and I am glad of it as I know she will not have as much time for her younger cousins once she is being courted.
We will be in London for another three weeks, and Lyddie and her parents will remain until the end of the season. I hope she does not fall in love quite yet.
BW
Tuesday the second of May
Well, it has started, I knew it would at some point, but I was hoping it would not be so soon. The first of my cousins has got engaged. In three months time, Lulu will become Mrs Louisa Hawthorne, and she will move to Norfolk with her new husband.
I didn't think I would manage to be happy for her, but she looked so very happy yesterday. Her betrothed came to dinner here with his mother and his sister as well as all the Bingleys, and Lulu was simply beaming. My cousin is usually a calm and very pretty lady, looking a lot like her mother but with her father's reddish hair. Yesterday she was simply radiant, with a smile as wide as Mama's or Aunt Elizabeth's. I didn't want to like the man who will be taking my cousin away, but how could I not when he makes her so happy? Or when he looks at her as if she was the most precious thing in the whole world?
Oh well, it is real now, we are all growing up. There hasn't been a baby in my generation for over five years now, and with Lulu's marriage, we may soon have the next one. I do not know what to think about that, but at least our Lulu will be happy and that has to be a good start.
BW
Thursday the fourth of May
Today Mama and my aunts sat all of us girls down in Darcy House's library for a long chat. That was obviously Lyddie, Janey and me, but also Lyddie's little sister, Helen, who is just ten years of age and named after the former Countess, and Janey's two sisters Georgie and Mary who are thirteen and twelve years old. As I said in an earlier entry, our names are boring, especially for names chosen by the least boring adults I know, I simply cannot understand how they managed that.
Anyway, they wanted to talk to us about the changes that will happen in the family, some of which we did not think about. I think the announcement of Lulu's engagement must have prompted that.
The biggest surprise for me is that after the summer, Ben will move to Kent, where his Papa has a small estate, so he can learn to be independent; I know his brother and sisters will miss him dreadfully, especially Walter, but I think he will love being in charge of his own estate, and he is so very sensible, I am sure he will be good at it.
Walter and Fred will go to Eton with Lyddie's brother, William who is already there being a little older. Aunt Elizabeth asked us girls once more whether we wanted to go to school. Janey and I refused as usual, but Georgie wants to go in a year's time, and if she does I expect Mary will follow as soon as she is old enough.
I will not lie, I was a little upset. This is so much to think about, so many changes and I felt overwhelmed. In fact I cried when we returned to our room, and both my cousins had to hug me and talk to me for a long time to calm me down. I am not proud of that, but I could not help myself. They were so very good to me, so gentle. They told me all their thoughts and hopes, and it helped. I can see how it will be good for my brother to be around more boys of his age; as much as I get annoyed at him sometimes, I will miss him, but I want him to be happy, and being at Eton with Walter will make him happy.
Tonight Mama said we can go home a little early if I want, as she knows the noise and constant hustle of London doesn't agree with me; I will feel more in control of my feelings at Hillgate where I can take long walks with Mama without having to stop all the time to greet some acquaintance or other. She said I can help her draw lists up to get everything ready for Fred, so he can go to school at the end of the summer. We started straight away, which is very much normal for Mama, as she just wants to complete everything as soon as she thinks of it. I never realised how much a boy needed to take with him, it isn't just clothes, although of course he will need a fair amount of these, but books and writing materials, all sorts of games supplies and a tuck box for the treats we will arrange for him to receive from time to time. I think it will be fun to help her
BW
Thursday the eighth of June
We have now been back at Hillgate Hall for about two weeks, and I am back to being myself. I really do love our home. I know it is quite small compared to Pemberley, and of course Papa does not have any satellite estates like Uncle William, but it is such a cosy and happy estate, and I adore it as much as Mama or Grandma Westwood. I think it is a little larger than Longbourn, where Mama grew up, but I am not sure.
Now we are back, I have read more of Mama's journals, and I can see how much she matured to become the wonderful mother she is now, spending time with her sister and with Aunt Georgiana. It has made me realise that my cousins will still be my best friends no matter what we become, and Fred will remain the best little brother a young lady can have, despite being a bit of a widgeon at times. Fred's fourteenth birthday will be in June, a month before my sixteenth birthday, and I need to talk to Papa; I have a great idea for a present but I do not know how to procure it myself. I will get him a small travel desk, so that he can write to me wherever he is, one with a locked drawer so he can keep my letters secure as well, and that way we will remain as close as we are now. I think he will love it.
This afternoon, we all went for a ride, the four of us together, and Mama had prepared a basket so we could have tea, fruit and cakes by the pond on the east side of Hillgate; kind of like a picnic, just a little simpler. We had the most wonderful time, and so many good discussions.
Once Fred is at school, I will go spend two months with Janey at Pemberley, then Janey will come here until Fred and Walter are back for the holidays, that way we will not have time to miss our little brothers as much.
Mama said that she has already been planning with Aunt Elizabeth for next year, as Janey will be seventeen at the end of February, and if she wants she could start attending some selected functions such as extended dinners with some of the Darcys' friends, concerts or the theatre. If I want I could join her for the little season around September as I would be seventeen too by then. I think it would be fun to go to the theatre, and maybe the opera. And of course I can then use all those dance lessons properly too.
I am really looking forward to the future now, and it is all thanks to Mama and her sister. I am so lucky to have them in my family.
BW
~ The end (again) ~