Chapter 19 – Knots

Meanwhile Nate and Cait had made their way up to ground level and had begun to patrol to some of the nearest buildings. They walked for around ten minutes, establishing a small, cleared zone around the underground entrance and then returned to the top of the stairs.

Nate activated his throat mic of his radio, "Give us a shout when dinner is ready," he spoke softly.

"Will do," responded Piper's voice.

"Can I ask you something, and do you promise you will keep this to yourself, whatever the answer." Cait asked as she rested her back against the station wall.

"Of course," Nate responded, "I will never betray a confidence unless it's against one of the other girls," Nate reassured Cait.

"Oh, this doesn't have anything to do with anyone else, just me….oh and you, maybe," Cait looked nervously at Nate.

Continuing to scan the area, Nate smiled, "in that case you have my word." Nate was pleased Cait was looking to confide in him.

Nate had made a promise to himself when the girls first introduced corporal punishment into the team, that he would check in with each of the girls, both together and separately, on a regular basis. Nate had only agreed to operate within this new dynamic if he was sure the girls were still committed to it as well. As Nate was going to be the one dishing out the punishments, he needed to know that the recipients were still willing, in the broadest of terms, even after a spanking. Of course, he accepted that whilst they were getting their hidings, they were most likely anything but enthusiastic about the arrangement, but after every punishment he wanted to make sure he could grab time with that girl to check in, to be sure that recipient was still a willing one. This was particularly important just after he had rescued Curie from Hardware town. As Curie had agreed previously to be in this discipline relationship, there was only one outcome when Nate got her home. Nate was happy that from the teams' previous discussions, not only did Curie know what was going to happen, but she was also in a position to announce she wanted out, and so any corporal punishment would have been avoided. That being said, she wasn't asked outright before Nate punished her, so unlike Piper who had asked for her spanking, Curie got one without any agreement immediately before; this was a new development. As with anything new, Nate was keen to check in with the whole team to ensure the girls felt that everything had been dealt with fairly, but he also made sure to speak to Curie afterwards to check in with her. In that case, when Nate did check in, the team all agreed that Curie had acted foolishly and deserved to get her spanking. On her own Curie also reiterated this, on many occasions to Nate.

Standing here on watch, it looked like he was going to be able to grab an opportunity to check in with Cait, which is something he hadn't done for a while. Whilst he was sure the girls would share things with each other, ask questions and share secrets, for Nate he saw it as inevitable that during these 'check in' chats, they might share thoughts and opinions with him that they would want to keep private. If he was to be a confidant to the girls, and someone they could trust, then he would keep their secrets just as long as it never damaged the integrity of the team.

Cait was quiet for a short while, obviously building up the courage to speak. "I knew I had the magazines," she stated, looking directly at Nate. He turned to face her.

"You knew?" He confirmed, looking puzzled. Cait stayed quiet, a small coquettish smile her only reaction.

Nate paused, thinking through her statement, "But you were the one who suggested the bet…" Nate's eyes widened, as he realised the implications of what she had said, "you wanted to get the cane?" He looked half amused and half shocked. Cait nodded and Nate didn't know what to say next, so another silence descended until Cait spoke again.

"When I first started taking drugs, back in the Combat Zone, it was to numb the pain, but what got me hooked was the elation I would feel the moment I shot something into my arm. The more that happened the more I chased that high, desperate to experience it again. The problem was, the more I took, the more numb I became and the less the high had an effect on me. It was as if each subsequent high was a little more blurry and out of focus." Cait came to stand next to Nate, looking out across the common in the same way he was.

"I thought those days were over when I met you and got myself cleaned up. Well, actually when you and Piper got me cleaned up. But the one thing I never expected in a million years was to feel that high again." Nate looked at Cait, worry starting to creep in as he wondered where this was going, had Cait started using again? "But this high," Cait continued, "was unlike any I had felt before. It was crystal clear, in full focus and unbelievably powerful. It was a high the likes of which I had never felt before. I was floating and not for a few minutes afterwards, but for a couple of days. I have felt it twice since I met you and I am confessing to you now that I am wanting more."

Nate turned to look at Cait, examining her face, she looked at him and began biting her lower lip, a trait she had obviously picked up from Curie. She was talking about discipline; he was sure of it. Unless he was way off, Cait was talking about the two times she had experienced corporal punishment.

"You are talking about…" Nate began, still working it through in his mind.

"Don't get me wrong, that walloping I got with the hairbrush across your knee was nothing but painful and god did my backside hurt. But almost as soon as you had finished, and the endorphins kicked in…" both of them smiled at Curies little lesson about endorphins, "I began to experience a high that dwarfed anything any drug could have ever given me." Cait paused, turning back to look out across the common.

"The caning I received two days ago was fun, and yes it did sting and it did give me the 'high', or whatever I am calling it, but it was no where near as powerful as that first session I had over your knee with the hairbrush." Cait blew out a breath, "that blew my mind and that night, lying on my side, I brought myself to one of the most powerful orgasms I have ever had in my life."

"I have to be honest, I wondered if you were enjoying the cane strokes a little too much the other night," Nate chuckled.

"I was," Cait paused, "just as much as you were enjoying caning me and then applying the cream afterwards." Cait looked at Nate with a knowing smile.

"Yeah, that was embarrassing." Nate admitted.

"That was one of the nicest compliments you have ever given to me," Cait smiled wistfully.

"You thought that was a compliment?" Nate was surprised by Cait's view of him getting an erection during her caning and her feeling it when she gave him a hug afterwards.

"Best kind as your body doesn't lie. I was turning you on and I could feel the proof, I love it that you are feeling something too whilst giving me a spanking."

"But what you are asking here is that I give you a spanking that you enjoy, or at least you do afterwards. Can a spanking be both a deterrent and a reward?" Nate asked.

"Every so often I get into a mood, I don't know why and I can't describe what it is that I feel exactly, it's just when I feel grrr. You know?" Cait was obviously struggling a bit to explain.

"Grrr?" Laughed Nate, "you mean when you feel discombobulated?" He mimicked a British accent.

"That's not even a word!" Exclaimed Cait.

"It is," defended Nate, "it means disconcerted, confused or upset. I must have read it somewhere, but it exists, ask Piper."

"I will," laughed Cait, "but I like it, so I'll use it anyway. So there I am discom..."

"Bobulated," Nate interjected.

Cait laughed, "if you are winding me up, Mr…, so anyway, there I am feeling discombobulated and I have no idea why I am in this funk, this feeling all grrr…but whilst I don't know why I am in this mood, why I have this feeling, I do know what will get me out of it. A jolly good hiding, a no nonsense thrashing. To be pulled over your knee and spanked silly."

Nate paused for a few seconds and then asked, "but how do you know a thrashing will help, they hurt you do know that?" Nate was smiling but still needing to understand exactly what Cait was requesting.

"Call it therapy, call it cleansing, call it what you will but the couple of times I have been in one of these funny moods, since you started disciplining us, all I have wished for is your firm hand. Not fun hand but FIRM HAND." Cait stressed the last two words. "It's all I can think about."

"Okay," Nate paused to think about this, "so you are saying that once in a while, when you are feeling … grrrr, you will need one of these therapy spankings. But how will this work, will you come to me and ask for a spanking, or am I to suggest one when I think you are all twisted up in knots?"

"That's it! That's a perfect way of explaining it, twisted up in knots, I love it, thank you. And no," Cait paused, "I think I should be the one to instigate these, the other two would hate me for starting a habit where any of us get spanked for being in a bad mood. You really would be busy then, especially around the same time each month," Cait smiled, obviously relaxing into this conversation now the cat was out of the bag, as it were.

"It has to be the same, the humiliation of being naked, the scolding, the embarrassment of getting into a position for you, the showing off the marks afterwards. It is like the power, fear and pain combine to make the most incredible cocktail." Cait was revealing real passion in her words, as she described how she imagined this new arrangement. "And it has to be a good hard spanking, for it to work it needs to take over, be the only thing I am thinking about at that time, the only thing I can think of at the time. No checking in halfway through, no gently rubbing between smacks, just leaving me breathless at the end."

"A no nonsense spanking?" Nate was still trying to get his head round just how this would work. "So it wouldn't be a punishment spanking but it would be given just like one, or would it?" Nate asked.

Cait could see Nate was trying to work this out in his own mind, "As I am coming to you, I know I am not being punished, this is more…"

"Transactional," Nate finished Caits sentence. Then realising that wasn't the best word he could have used, "you are looking for some treatment, some help sparring… you know," he knew what he was trying to say but found it difficult.

"Yes, I would be looking for your help, your support and not your disappointment or disapproval, like in a punishment. This would be positive, this would be full of good intentions, as you say, just like sparring." Cait indicating that she thought he was on the right track, "Some of the best exercises you just cannot do on your own." Cait was a fan of using the weights over at the Diamond City security barracks, and Nate would always go with her to help with her reps. She was right, some exercises you just couldn't do on your own.

"Okay, so if I am to do this, run me through an imagined scenario, so I can get this right in my own mind, so I know exactly what you are looking for."

Cait looked at her friend, smiling inwardly at his desire to always over think things. But then again, Cait thought, his leaning towards caution and perfect planning was probably why the introduction of discipline into their relationship had worked. Cait wondered what it would have been like if Nate was rash, over emotional, with little self control. No, the girls were allowed to be like that but he wasn't. She liked him just the way he was, all Mr Bossy and perfect.

"I don't want an audience," Cait began, "so it would have to be somewhere out of the way. I imagine that I would be naked. You would take me over your knee, lock your legs around mine, grip my side tight and give me a good spanking. At some point, after using your hand for a bit, you would change to the hairbrush. I wouldn't want to know how long you intended on going on for, but my wish would be that I would only be let up after a good cry. Or if not then, at least only after you had worn my bottom out." Cait smiled at that last bit. "You know what I mean." She finished.

Nate was nodding as he looked over to his red haired companion. "Yes," he said, "I think I do." He was impressed yet again by Caits bravery, in coming to him with this. Just like when the girls had first introduced the idea of corporal punishment being used by Nate, here was Cait, admitting that not only did she want the spankings to continue, but that she actually felt that in some circumstances she would be needing one. "Okay," responded Nate, "if you want to give this a try then I am here for you, you know that, but how on earth do you expect to hide this from the girls, I mean…" Nate indicated to Caits backside, "I would imagine you would have some impressive marks, for one thing."

"If you do it properly than yes, I will," Cait chuckled. She then looked like she was going to say something else but paused, and instead fell silent.

"What?" Asked Nate, picking up on the hesitation.

"Oh, nothing," answered Cait "Yes," she agreed, "I guess hiding it wouldn't work. I hadn't worked out all the details, if I am being honest, I just wanted to speak to you first of all, I mean if you said no, then I wouldn't have to worry about the technicalities."

Nate put his arm around Cait, "you are so sweet, but I couldn't say no to any of you if you came to me for help." smiled Nate, "but I do think this would be hard to hide from Piper and Curie, and besides, I kinda think they should know." Nate didn't sound totally convinced. "Or more accurately, I would feel as if I was hiding something from them if we didn't mention it."

"Well, that's because we would," shrugged Cait, "But I just don't know what to say, and won't they just think I'm crazy, or weird, or both?" Cait looked genuinely concerned by this.

"Now you are starting to sound like Piper," Nate smiled. "No, I think they would be grateful that you were involving them. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by their reaction," Nate hoped, "And anyway, keeping things like this from those two, would be bad for the team, so the more I think about it, the more I believe I would have to insist, I am afraid." Nate felt awful insisting like this, even if he was being gentle but he wouldn't do anything that put the well-being of the team at risk.

"You are right, I know," responded Cait, much to Nates relief. "I am just not sure I have the courage to." She sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"You are one of the bravest people I know and incredibly stubborn when you want to be, two traits that tell me you have got this. Saying that, I am by your side in this, so whatever you need from me, just ask." Nate turned to look at Cait.

Cait rested her hand on his arm, "I have already asked you enough, but thank you. Thank you for saying yes and not judging and thank you for just being you," she smiled a genuinely warm smile which made Nate's heart skip a beat.

Just then the radio crackled to life, "Dinner is served," Piper announced cheerily.

"Coming" Nate answered back and then smiled to himself, so Cait wasn't the only one copying mannerisms from other team members.

Back inside the underground station, Nate took off his chest rig and laid it next to his sleeping bag and rifle. "I know it's a bit risky, but I think we should be ok keeping watch from down here tonight, especially if we set a few mines at the top of the stairs."

"I'll do that in a second," Curie volunteered, as she handed Nate his bowl of trail stew.

The group ate in silence and after Curie had returned from setting the small anti personnel mines at the top of the stairs, Cait cleared her throat.

"I have something I'd like to tell you guys, or ask you both," Cait stumbled over her words. Nate was sitting on the ground next to Cait and he gave her arm a supportive squeeze.

"Yes," Piper smiled knowingly.

"Of course," answered Curie, setting down the part of the Mr GiddyUp she was working on.

"You know how I am a bit fucked up…" Cait began badly. Both Curie and Piper pulled faces at this statement, as if they did not agree at all. Cait noticed it and when she looked at Nate she could see a sadness in his expression. She sat up straight and tried again.

"You know how I used to be a drug addict…" she stated, doing no better than her first attempt, this was so much harder than she had thought.

Reaching over to her and putting a reassuring hand on her knee, Nate asked, "do you want me to have a go?" Cait crumpled a bit and looking back to Nate she nodded.

"What Cait is trying to say is that she is not at all fucked up and is in fact an amazing person." Nate began, smiling.

"That wasn't what I was going to say." Responded Cait quietly, looking down at her hands.

"I know but I'm free-styling, so shush." Nate beamed. "Ever since we introduced corporal punishment into the team, I think it would be fair to say that it works. We were talking about this the other day. I know if any of us were to try to explain the arrangement to anyone else it would sound ridiculous and probably be greeted as such. But for us four, in this team, it just works."

"I would even go so far as to say it is now the glue that binds," Piper stated. "I am just not sure where we would be without it." She added.

"Exactly," Nate responded. "And as we discussed the other week, after your paddling Piper, it works in a number of positive ways and should be celebrated for that fact." Nate looked at the girls to see if they were following. "For you Piper, you enjoyed the release from guilt that it afforded." Nate continued.

"I think enjoyed is too strong a word," Piper smiled, remembering the feel of the paddle against her unprotected rear. "But yes, I think we all agree that the absolution that comes from taking a hiding is a positive effect, one that needs to be kept." Piper looked over at Curie who nodded her agreement.

"Well Cait has found another positive and would like to run this past you guys, to get your support, if you will." Nate held open his hands. Nate turned to Cait, "you good from here?" He asked gently. Cait nodded.

"Thank you," she smiled at Nate. "Every so often I get into this mood where I don't know what's wrong with me but I just feel like I'm all tied in knots, all …" Cait smiled and looked at Nate.

"Discombobulated," he nodded back.

"Steady on there Blue," Piper smiled, "you been eating a dictionary or something." Piper laughed.

"So it is a real word then?" Cait confirmed with Piper.

"Yes it is, but tied up in knots is just as good and easier to say." Piper reassured her.

"I would say," agreed Curie, "I shall have to look it up when we get home," she nodded to herself "but I agree with you Cait, I feel this way sometimes also."

"Well…" continued Cait, "ever since my first trip over mr Bossy's knee there," she indicated Nate by signalling over her shoulder with her thumb, "I have had this overwhelming desire, when I get into one of these moods, to …" Cait paused, as she knew this was going to be the hard bit to explain.

"Ask Nate for a spanking?" Questioned Curie, in her usual straight-talking way.

"Yes," Cait said quietly, "exactly." Both Nate and Cait then looked at Piper.

"Well, hell, you will not get me following you with that one honey," she smiled, "I seem to do well enough getting my hide tanned by just being me, but I am not at all surprised." She shrugged.

"Surprised," asked Nate.

"Yeah," Piper leant over to the coffee pot and re-filled her mug. "We have each found benefits in our new set up." She paused, "hardly new anymore, but you know what I mean." She took a sip of her coffee, "when we first agreed on suggesting this idea to you," Piper indicated across to Nate, "I was desperate to keep the team together and thought that taking a spanking would be a small price to pay for getting you to agree to keep us together. Since then I have begun to see other benefits, and whilst I hate receiving a punishment from you, I am feeling and seeing the rewards of this new arrangement long after the soreness and marks go away." She smiled at Cait.

Curie added, "I would never ask for a punishment," she looked at Nate, "but I am thinking about it a lot of the time, as I have said before, it makes me more aware and more focused on my drills. It is also a very good way to show that you are sorry." She gave a knowing look to Nate, who smiled reassuringly back.

"And we have already agreed that the money we now make can be traced back to us being …." Piper looked up smiling and said, "whipped into shape." She chuckled, "so, no I am not surprised at all that Cait has another benefit to add, makes me feel better because I am not so weird anymore."

"I wouldn't go that far," quipped Cait, Piper sticking her tongue out in return.

"But how would it work?" Asked Curie, sounding genuinely interested, which wasn't a surprise to the rest of the team.

Nate answered, "Cait will ask, if she is feeling like she would benefit from one."

Curie suddenly took on a look of shock, "what if she does something foolish the very next day? She will be punished again, non?" She asked.

"Ha! I'd like to think my sore and throbbing arse would be enough of a reminder for me to keep in Mr Bossy's good books." Cait laughed.

"Nothing changes about our current agreement, this is a supplement, so if Cait earned a punishment the very next day, and we were able to deal with it then, yes she would get another hiding." Nate confirmed, noticing Cait swallowing hard at his comment.

"No more bets then," Curie smiled.

"Yes, no more bets," Cait smiled back, "I don't even know how often this will happen or even if it will work, but as I said to Nate earlier, this is something I have to try."

"Do want us there with you?" Piper asked, referring back to Cait's comment just after their first punishment, when she said she felt better having the other girls with her.

"Thanks," Cait was genuinely moved by the offer, "But I'd like to try this on my own, though, if that's ok?" She smiled nervously, realising that this fantasy of hers was becoming a realistic prospect. Even thinking about it gave her a rush that coursed through her whole body.

"You just give us a shout, if we are at home, and we will make ourselves scarce for a little while," Piper indicated her and Curie, as if leaving the house so Cait could get her backside blistered was a perfectly normal thing. But then again, Cait thought, now that they had spoken about it, it kind of was. Well, their normal anyway.

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