Saturday 27th June 1981

Marauder Flat, 20:30

He had been thinking and if there was one thing that Peter knew he was good at that was overthinking. Especially about things in the recent past and, you know, how he had acted and everything. And he'd come to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, it was a good thing that Sirius had unintentionally stopped him from going over to Reginald in Diagon Alley that day.

Because either he had done that, he would have started talking to him and then he might have been roped into something before he realised that. Peter knew that he was easily swayed, he wasn't that stupid. He just didn't know how to fix that part of him.

Because obviously there was a part of him that was broken. James and Sirius and Remus weren't like that. Or, sure, they went along with things when it seemed like fun or if they needed to but Peter knew that that wasn't the same as him going along with things. It just wasn't.

Because they were strong and he, well, he wasn't. That's it. There it was. He said it. Well, he didn't say it, he thought it but it was the same thing. They were strong. Very strong. They were some of the strongest people he knew. And he wanted to be like them, he did. But it seemed like when he tried something to make himself look strong it backfired. It wasn't fair. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't anything like James and Sirius.

Even Reginald came across as strong and powerful and he wasn't anything like James or Sirius! He was quiet and elegant and refined. Maybe that was why Peter got on with him, wanted to be around him. Still wanted to be around him, in fact. Was that such a bad thing?

Peter paused and shook his head. Yes, it was a bad thing. It was his association with Reginald that had got him into the whole situation that he didn't like to talk about. That was how it had all started. But he wasn't going to think about it. Never ever again.

And yes, Peter did realise that he thought about it an awful lot despite being adamant that he never wanted to think of such a thing again, never mind do it. He had actually scared himself at how far he was willing to go without even realising it. And apparently it was quite far. He hadn't realised that he was capable of such things. Hell, he had never thought that he was capable of anything at all!

Peter sighed heavily and ran a hand over his face.

Apparently, he wasn't capable of not thinking about it either. He groaned and rolled over so he could bury his head into his pillow.

'Thump, thump, thump'.

He raised his head in slightly confusion at the noise.

'Thump, thump, thump'.

His head fell back down again and he groaned. Seriously? Seriously? Yep, that noise was coming from the opposite wall. Yes, the wall that on the other side you would find the headboard of Sirius' and Marlene's bed.

'Thump, thump, thump'.

He threw his pillow at the wall which did absolutely nothing to shut it up. Come on! Didn't they know that he was having some sort of a crisis here?

[xxxxxx]

Tuesday 30th June 1981

Godric's Hollow, 14:00

Lily leaned back slightly as James and Chryssie chatted away. Her little sister was smiling, something she hadn't been doing much of recently. She had never been so glad for James' ability to make almost anybody laugh. It really came in useful and was always nice to watch.

It still amazed her that he could still do that. Despite everything going on in the past few years, despite everything that had happened to him and despite everything that they faced, he still had it in him to make people laugh so hard that they cried or desperately needed to pee. It looked like Chryssie was a part of the latter category.

"Stop it!" Chryssie was now complaining through giggles, hands clamped between her thighs.

"Bathroom's right upstairs," James said cheekily which made Chryssie and Lily throw a pillow at him. "Hey! I was just trying to help her! Do you want her to pee on our sofa?"

"James!" Lily said in a scandalised voice as Chryssie groaned and got to her feet, bolting for the stairs.

The bathroom door shut loudly a few seconds later. Lily refused to look at her husband because he was currently chuckling and she knew that if she looked at him then she wouldn't be able to control herself. And there was no way she was going to laugh about this. Nope. Absolutely no way. Making someone nearly wet themselves was not funny.

And yet her lips twitched. Dammit!

"Ha! You laughed!" James crowed, pointing a finger at her.

She rolled her eyes. "What are you, twelve?"

"Who's twelve?" Chryssie asked, returning from the bathroom and no longer looking quite so urgent anymore.

"James is," Lily told her, James proving her point by pulling a face at them.

"Oh, I already knew that," she dismissed, walking across the room to sit back down next to Lily.

"Everyone knows that," Lily assured her.

Chryssie laughed at that. Again, one of the nicest sounds in the world. You never did realise how much you missed something until it was gone. Lily hoped that she would never forget that.

She took the opportunity to look at her sister. Really look at her. She felt like she hadn't done that in a while. Did that make her a bad sister? Especially since she was the older one? It felt like it did. Especially since, with a jolt, Lily realised that Chryssie's face was thinner. When had that happened? Chryssie had always had the rounder face out of the three of them; Petunia getting the long one and Lily getting, well, whatever shape her face was supposed to be. But her little sister's face wasn't really round anymore. It was thin and drawn. Was she eating, okay? Or was it all down to grief and worry?

It had been a... hard few months now and that was putting it lightly. How did one describe that the chaos your life was thrown into when your parents died? Nothing seemed adequate. Nothing seemed right. It's like the rug had been yanked away from under you yet you never quite found your footing again. Everything felt unsteady and not quite there underfoot. It felt like you had to take each step carefully to make sure that the ground didn't crumble away from beneath you.

But you learned to step carefully and eventually you could put your feet down a little bit firmer each time. And you pushed some feelings back, making sure they didn't overwhelm you or you would definitely fall. And she couldn't fall. She just couldn't. And then you just went on like that.

Lily couldn't help but feel guilty. She didn't know why but she hadn't reacted as strongly as Chryssie had (and still was) to their parents' death. Oh, she had cried when she got the news and at the funeral but after that... nothing. No nightmares, no endless thoughts about them.

She should be sadder, right? She shouldn't be happy. What was wrong with her? Was she really that bad a daughter?

She looked across the room at her husband who was giving her a questioning look. Should she? Wait, that shouldn't even be a question, this was her sister she was talking about. Lily thought for a moment before nodding sharply at Chryssie and James stood up. Chryssie looked over at him with confusion on her face.

"Are you okay, James?" She asked, worried.

"Just remembered I need to check something upstairs." He looked over to Lily. "I'll ne down again soon."

She nodded at him. "Sure thing. I'm sure we can talk without you here."

"Nothing bad!" He said cheekily as he left.

"There's good things to say about you?" Lily joked.

"You know there is!"

"I really don't!"

It was getting more awkward to banter back and forth as he went up the stairs but James managed one more parting shot.

"I'll have to teach you them then!"

Lily chuckled. "Looking forward to it."

She shook her head fondly at her husband's antics. Hopefully that would never get boring. Remembering that she had wanted James away for a reason, Lily turned so she was facing Chryssie.

She was about to say something when she noticed an odd expression flicker across her sister's face. It was a mixture of sadness, amusement, nervousness and something else that Lily couldn't quite put her finger on.

"Are you okay?"

The worry Lily had started feeling for her increased sharply.

But all Chryssie did was smile and shook her head.

"What?" Lily asked.

"Nothing."

But there was still that smile on her face. A smile was a good thing, kt was. But there was a little bit of sadness tinging this one.

"There's obviously something," Lily pressed and inwardly hoped that she wouldn't have to press too much.

The last thing she wanted was to be accused of interfering too much in her life.

"It's just, it's just..." Chryssie floundered, at a loss for word.

"Just," Lily prompted. Chryssie looked away and mumbled something. "What was that?"

Her sister took a deep breath and opened her eyes, they were shiny with unshed tears.

"You and James..."

"Yes."

"You remind me of mum and dad."

That last sentence was said so quietly that Lily wasn't even sure that she'd heard her.

[xxxxxx]

21:00

"You're being awfully quiet," James said as he pulled his shirt from him and went to grab his pyjama top.

It was a pair of red and gold striped ones because of course they were. At least they were alighted more grown up than the ones with the lions scattered all over them. But even the thought of those pyjamas couldn't put a smile on her face right now.

"Am I?"

He looked up from button up his pyjama top to raise an eyebrow at her.

"You are. You've barely said anything since Chryssie left."

Ah, he'd noticed that, had he? Though, she supposed that he couldn't help it, considering they were the only two adults in the house. She was just glad he hadn't pressed her until now because she wouldn't have responded and he would have pressed and then they probably would have fought. It was easy to bicker these days. Too easy. Though, that didn't mean that she knew what to say now but they were both sleepy and not thinking as quickly now.

"It's just," she tried to continue but floundered for things to say.

What was she supposed to say? She didn't even know. And even that though brought pinprick of tears to her eyes. How pathetic was that?

"I think your just still numb," he said carefully. "You know, blocking everything out to do with it so you can cope."

Denying that explanation, she shook her head. That wasn't it, was it? She had still felt that horrible, gaping, empty feeling when her parents had died. Had cried and cried and cried until she couldn't cry anymore. That wasn't numbness, was it?

"Lily," James said in a suddenly far more serious sounding tone, propping himself up on his elbow.

She sniffed. "Yes?"

"Lily."

She furrowed her brow in confusion and turned to look at him properly. "Yea?"

He briefly bit his lip and she couldn't help but start to feel a bit worried. Well, more worried than she already was.

"Have you... have you grieved?"

She couldn't help it. It was just so ridiculous. Even for him to think of such a thing. Honestly...

Lily burst into laughter, making James jump. It took her a few moments to realise that he didn't laugh alongside her. Wait. Had he actually meant that?

"Of course, I've grieved."

But even to her ears that sounded hollow. What did grieving even mean anyway?

[xxxxxx]

Thursday 2nd July 1980

Marauder Flat, 11:00

Marlene had to bite her lip and look away from the scene in front of her. If she kept looking at it then she wouldn't be able to control herself. Her bursting into laughter would not be appreciated right now.

"Severus, she's not going to bite," Marlen said with a smile.

Severus flushed slightly and looked away. Yes, he had been looking warily at Cassie but could you really blame him considering the last time he had interacted with her?

"Well, actually, she might," Sirius said almost apologetically. Almost, he looked for too amused to be completely apologetic. "She's going through a biting phase."

"Marvellous," Severus said drily, making no move to get any closer to them and therefore Cassie.

If anything, he should really be trying to get further away from her after that comment. Why would he want to risk getting bitten? He would probably get rabies from her or something.

Cassie actually had the audacity to reach her arms towards him. Both arms. Seriously? Why would she even do that?

"Aw, she wants a hug!" Sirius said with this weird look of adoration on his face that all parents seemed to get with their children.

Though, maybe it wasn't all parents and he thought it was because the only parents of babies he had experienced were his friends. And he knew that none of them were exactly what you would consider normal.

"She's not hugging me," Severus grumbled.

But he carefully looked away from her, knowing that he even he wouldn't be able to resist those bug, grey eyes. There was definitely some sort of mild compulsion spell on baby eyes. That was the only way he could explain everyone's need to fulfil their every wish.

"Seb!"

And he gave in a held out his arms for her. How else was he supposed to react to that entreaty?

[xxxxxx]

Sunday 5th July 1981

Order Meeting, 20:00

Severus stretched as he got up from his seat. He actually managed to claim one this time and not have to stand around the edge of the room. That's what Remus and Dora had to do tonight because they were late, ha! He was very grateful for the seat because the last week or so had been very intense brewing-wise for him that he hardly had any time for himself. He basically shoved his breakfast in his mouth in the morning without sitting down, went to do his apprenticeship and then came home late at night to flop on the sofa and fall asleep. Sometimes lunch and dinner were in there and sometimes it wasn't. His stomach grumbled loudly making him grateful that it was the end of the meeting and everyone was milling around and talking to each other. Today hadn't been one of the eating three square meals day.

Chryssie laughed from behind him, making him spin around. She had been looking a bit happier these days, which he was glad for. An unhappy Chryssie just wasn't right in his mind. He wasn't sure what changed but he was eternally grateful for it.

"I saved you some dinner," she told him. "I wrapped it up and put a stasis charm on it. You just need to reheat it when we get back."

"I love you," he said emphatically.

Yes, she had done this a few times before (when she wasn't the one skipping meals due to work - the St Mungo's life was also a hectic one, after all) but that didn't make him any less appreciative when she did it. He had to get home before her to make dinner for both of them but one of these days he would and repay her.

Chryssie grinned at him and played briefly with her ring. "I know."

Somehow, he managed to smile even wider. Chryssie was wearing his ring. Something he still hadn't managed to get over. Come on, he was going to get married. How weird was that?

"Harry is getting so big too fast and I don't like it," Lily greeted as she approached them

"Isn't that kind of the whole point?" He asked, shaking his head in fond exasperation. "You know, with the whole passage of time thing?"

"Oh, hush," she told him, making both he and Chryssie laugh.

"Babies do grow a lot quicker," Chryssie said almost apologetically. "I've seen it on the paediatric ward. There was this baby who was there for two months and I swear she doubled in size."

"Ha! See!" Lily said triumphantly.