Having a baby was supposed to be a beautiful moment and it still was, but the pain was horrendous. No amount of pregnancy books or lamaze classes or talks with her girl friends or mother-in-law could ever make labor be anything but another form of torture.
Sure, Sidney Loomis (formerly Prescott) knew that all of this agony would be worth it once she was finally holding her and Billy's son—their firstborn child—in her arms, but that didn't mean that turning her body inside out to bring him into the world was pleasant. In fact, it was hell.
Billy was beside her, holding her hand. "You can do this, Sid," he encouraged her, sitting as close as possible to her and using his other hand to gently move strands of sweat-soaked hair behind her ear.
Sidney leaned into his touch and could only let out a pained moan. "It hurts," she whimpered.
"I know, Princess," he murmured. It killed him to see her in so much pain. All he wanted to do was to take it all from her, but unlike in previous situations where there was a physical target to protect her from, he couldn't do it here. Childbirth was something she had to endure until it was over and even though he knew she was strong enough to bear it, it didn't make it easier for him to watch his wife suffer.
"You're almost there, Mrs. Loomis. Just one more big push and you'll get to meet your baby," her OB/GYN encouraged her, smiling up at her for a moment before returning her attention to between Sidney's legs.
"You hear that, baby?" Billy asked, smiling down at his wife. "We'll finally get to meet our Tate."
Sidney managed a smile through the pain and with a look of determination, she bore down as hard as she could with a scream. In seconds, she felt something slide between her thighs and down her legs and then a wailing cry filled the air.
"Here's your baby boy!"
Sidney laughed breathlessly and she looked up at Billy, who smiled widely and kissed Sidney's hand before they both turned their faces to see the OB/GYN take the baby to be cleaned and weighed. When that was done, he was swaddled in a blue blanket and handed to his mother.
"Tate," Sidney breathed, holding her newborn son close to her chest with a smile. From her peripheral vision she could see Billy's smile widen and the look of love in his eyes intensifying as he gazed upon their beautiful baby, the symbol of their love that they had created nine months prior.
Right away Sidney could see that Tate closely resembled his father. He had the same light olive skin, the same small tuft of dark blonde hair, and other similar facial features. The only thing that he really inherited from her were his eyes; they were the same shade of brown. He was so beautiful.
Sidney sniffled a bit, crying happy tears as she held her son in her arms. "Look at what we made," she said.
"I see him," Billy replied, his own voice choking with joy as he stared down at baby Tate.
As Sidney gazed down at her newborn child, she started feeling strange. Her vision began blurring slightly and she became disoriented. She could see from the corner of her eye that Billy's lips were moving, but she couldn't hear him and what she did manage to pick up was muted like she was underwater. She felt sick; there was no other way to describe it.
"Billy," Sidney murmured, trying not to lose focus but failing. "Something's wrong…with me."
"What?" Billy asked, staring at his wife.
"Take Tate," she demanded weakly. "I don't feel good…I might drop him by accident."
Billy carefully but quickly took their son from his mother's arms and watched her sway before collapsing back against the pillows, her breathing somehow both shallow and labored.
Terrified, he cried out: "Help! Someone help!"
Instantly Sidney's OB/GYN, who had left the room to retrieve Tate's birth certificate, and two other nearby doctors rushed into the room and, taking in the situation, instantly began checking her vitals.
It was like everyone was moving in slow motion as Billy's eyes zeroed in on Sidney. His wife was lying there, barely conscious as medical professionals surrounded her. Eventually, though he protested and fought, he was kicked out of the room so they could focus on her while he was forced to stay outside, agonizing over what could be happening to her.
Billy was sitting with his parents, Sidney's father Neil, Stu, and Tatum, still holding baby Tate in his arms when the doctor finally emerged from Sidney's room after nearly an hour. His heart dropped into his stomach as he took in the somber expression on her doctor's face.
"Mr. Loomis?" The OB/GYN asked.
Billy knew that the woman was referring to him and not his father Hank, so he nodded. "Yes," he said after clearing his throat. "That's me."
"I'm sorry for your loss," she said sympathetically. "We tried, but your wife didn't survive."
There were many gasps and cries from behind him, but Billy couldn't focus on that. Instead, all he could think of was the fact that Sidney was dead. His beautiful wife, the mother of his son, was vibrant and healthy only hours ago and now she was gone.
Tears sprang to his eyes and he bowed his head for a moment as he tried to regain composure. A few sobs managed to escape him and the silence around him was deafening. Not even Tate's soft coos or his mother rubbing gentle circles onto his back could lessen the devastating blow that had just been inflicted upon him.
Finally he gathered the strength to look up. Meeting the doctor's eyes, Billy had to clear his throat a few times to speak clearly. "How…how did it happen?" He asked. He inwardly flinched when he heard how broken he sounded.
"When she delivered the placenta, she didn't contract hard enough to put pressure on its blood vessels. That caused those vessels to bleed freely and it eventually led to her death by exsanguination—heavy blood loss," the OB/GYN explained.
Billy's mouth was dry and the lump in his throat grew bigger. "Can I…" he swallowed and tried again. "Can I see her?"
The doctor who had been taking care of Sidney her entire pregnancy nodded and after giving Tate to his mother, Billy rose unsteadily to his feet. He began following the doctor to Sidney's room, his steps heavy and his heart pounding the closer he got. It killed him to know that the woman he loved was just beyond the door but not waiting to meet him or hold their son again.
When the OB/GYN stopped in front of Sidney's closed door, Billy froze for a moment. If he turned around right now and left to return to the waiting room, he could delay the inevitable. He could hold his son again and look into his mother's beautiful brown eyes and forget the fact that his beloved wife, the love of his life and now the mother of his only child (he would never have any more children; not if they weren't going to be part of Sidney), had just died bringing him into the world. He could do that all. But…
It wasn't fair to Sidney's memory. On their wedding day, he promised to love and honor and cherish her in sickness and in health until death do them part. And death, the cruel and inescapable force it was, parted them. To refuse to see her and ignore reality was disrespecting everything he and Sidney were. He loved her too much to ever do that.
Taking in a deep breath in an attempt to calm his nerves, he opened the door once the OB/GYN left him after once again offering her condolences and slowly opened it. He felt like he was trapped in a nightmare when he switched on the light and saw her lying there.
She looked so peaceful, like a sleeping angel. A blanket was pulled up to just below her chin and her eyes were closed. If it hadn't been for her unusually pale skin and her still chest, Billy would have assumed that she was just resting. He wished that were true. He wished that she would open her eyes and sit up and tell him that she was fine. But no matter how badly he wanted it, it wouldn't happen. Not again.
Tears sprang to Billy's eyes as he stepped closer and slowly sank to his knees beside her bed, taking her hand from her side beneath the blanket and gripping it tightly with his own. She was cooling down, but she was still warm, and that fact further broke his already shattered heart.
"This isn't fair," he whispered, practically choking with sadness. "You shouldn't be lying here like this. You should be sitting up, smiling at me and asking when you can see Tate again. You shouldn't be…" He cleared his throat as it began to close again. "You shouldn't be dead.
"You were so excited when we found out you were pregnant, remember?" He lifted a shaking hand to gently stroke her hair. The long brown strands felt so silky smooth between his fingers. "You rushed out of the bathroom with the test in your hand. There was this huge smile on your face and your eyes were sparkling from so much joy. You wanted to be a mother so badly, you always did, even when we were just dating as teenagers, and you finally got that wish.
"You were so beautiful, all happy and glowing…it was like the sun was living through you. Watching your belly swell as your body changed to accommodate the new life growing inside of you…you were so gorgeous, Princess. Pregnancy suited you and motherhood would have suited you even more." Billy bowed his head and leaned down to rest his forehead against her hand. He couldn't control himself anymore; he just broke down and sobbed. They were loud, heart wrenching sobs that ripped free from deep within his soul.
"How could you leave me like this?" He cried, still clutching her with an almost unnatural strength. He wouldn't let go of her. He couldn't. "How could you think for one second that I'd be able to live without you?"
He really didn't know how he was going to do it. Sidney was the love of his life, his better half, and he'd always felt reassured in the fact that no matter how difficult life got, he'd always have her by his side to help him. But now…now the most difficult thing—his worst fear—had been realized. The woman he loved more than anything else in the world was gone, dead, and now all he was left with were broken dreams and an even more broken heart.
He was a father now, but as he sat there sobbing and holding her, unwilling to leave her even though she already left him, he couldn't bring himself to care enough to see his son again. All he cared about was Sidney and how he was never going to see her again after today.
He didn't know how he was going to get through the rest of his life without being able to spend it with her…