So, this wasn't the chapter I had planned. However, Roses_of_Magic said she wished Stefan had told Damon that the fight reminded him of their childhood. This ended up spiraling into a deeper conversation on Guiseppe.
Trigger warning: Mentions of violence, trauma, sexual harassment and past abuse.
Stefan sits on the back patio, allowing Crow to eat pistachios out of the palm of his hand. The soft pecks ease the pit in his stomach. He stares out at the empty backyard and attempts to center himself. Stefan shifted into his older space not long after they returned from the store. His headache is long gone and yet, that stupid stomachache remains. Likely, because it's not from the transition.
The sliding door opens behind him. Stefan doesn't bother to look up as his father walks over. Damon settles himself on the step above his son's.
"You've been out here awhile."
Stefan shrugs. "It's a nice day out."
"Thinking about going on a hunt?"
"Am I allowed?"
"If Papa or I go with you, of course." Stefan merely nods. Damon taps him on the shoulder, forcing him to look up at him. His father's brows are furrowed. "Okay, you're not going to complain about having a "babysitter" while you hunt?"
"What's the use? You're going to do it anyway."
"Are you mad at me or something?"
Crow finishes up the last of the pistachios and flutters his wings, moving himself to Stefan's shoulder.
"No," Stefan answers, truthfully.
"Then what is it?"
"Dad, I kind of wanted to be alone."
"Something tells me you shouldn't be." Damon puts a hand on his back. "What's going on, buddy?"
Stefan brings his thumb to his mouth and chews on the skin. "When I was Little, well, you know my emotions are all over the place. Sometimes I can't think clearly until the fog settles."
Damon nods. "You have to deal with a lot of big emotions."
"I guess," Stefan accidentally pierces the skin with his fang. He watches as the blood quickly fades. "I knew why I was so upset when you and Papa fought. Yet, I couldn't put it into words."
"You were scared of us leaving you."
"There was that, but it also brought me back to…them."
Damon frowns. "Them?"
Stefan sighs. They don't speak of Guiseppe and Lily often. Damon found their biological father to be the hard one to discuss. Stefan never wanted to say Lily's name. After he was adopted, it was easier to pretend that they never existed. Somehow, he was just Damon's. Then later, Damon and Enzo's.
Last night brought back the reality that no matter what, he comes from those two.
Stefan's voice barely comes out in a whisper. "Guiseppe and Lily."
Damon instantly drops on the step beside him. Crow tenses a bit but relaxes when Stefan rubs the top of his head. He mutters that the bird can leave. Crow flies off his shoulder, but lingers nearby. Ready to swoop in and comfort Stefan if needed.
"Stef," Damon's tone is soft, worried. "You know that Enzo and I would never, ever, fight the way that they did. I need you to understand that."
"I do," Stefan promises. "I really do. It doesn't change that growing up, we heard a lot of yelling. It…" He trails off, shaking his head.
Damon pulls him closer, keeping a tight grip on him. "You can say it. There's nothing you can't tell me."
Vulnerability settles in Stefan's bones. "It was scary," he admits, biting his lip. "I kept thinking about all the times they'd scream at each other."
"So, on top of worrying about me and Papa, you were thinking of this?"
"Kinda."
"Oh, Bunny Boy." Damon wraps a tight arm around him and kisses the side of his head. "I am so sorry."
"You…you didn't hit Enzo, but you did someone else."
Damon grows quiet. Stefan keeps his eyes on him. He knows that he is not an innocent. The years spent as a ripper. Long before then, as a newborn vampire, attacking anyone in sight just for a drink. He may have changed, but his past exists. There are times he flies off the handle. Perhaps it's hypocritical to be upset when his dad does the same.
And yet…
"You promised," Stefan whispers. He hates how much he sounds like a 5-year-old. "You said you'd never do something that could get me taken away from you."
"I did," Damon says, guilt etched in his voice. "I meant it at the time, and I still do. No matter what, I will always fight to keep you by my side. That extends to your papa. It was bad, Stef. The things that person was saying, the way he was touching him…" He trails off, shuddering a little. "They're words I can never repeat."
"I get it. But Papa said…"
Damon swiftly interrupts. "Your Papa was right. I could have gotten in a lot of trouble last night. In the moment, I didn't care. I was protecting our family. That is something I will always do." He runs his fingers through his hair. "Now, though, I realize how badly it could have ended."
"I don't like when you get like that. It reminds me of…"
Stefan stops himself from finishing that sentence. It's too late, there's a flash of pain across Damon's blue eyes. Stefan trips over his words, trying to make up for what he nearly said.
"You're not him. You hurt people to protect others. Guiseppe would never do that."
"It doesn't matter my intention," Damon whispers. "What does is that I brought you back to a bad place last night."
"You didn't mean for me to overhear."
"I scared you. I reminded you of him." Stefan hesitates. "Buddy, you know I will never be upset with you for being honest."
"We don't need to talk about this."
"We do."
Stefan swallows. The pit in his stomach continues to grow.
"I don't want to think of him when I look at you," Stefan whispers.
Damon tightens his grip on him. "Do you?"
"No. Not yet. And I don't want to. I don't want to be scared of you, Dad." Stefan blinks the tears away. "But last night…I was terrified that it'd be like all the other times when I stood on those steps listening to a couple fight. Only that time, I didn't have anyone to pull me away from it."
Damon nods, pursing his lips. "You didn't deserve any of that. Neither did your papa."
"I understand you guys are going to fight. It happens. But…you can't do stuff like this anymore." Stefan grips his father's white t-shirt. "Please, Dad. I'm not scared of you, but I'm worried I could be. And I can't have that. I already had one father I was terrified of. I can't be scared of you too."
Damon cradles his cheek. A few tears hit his palm. He gently wipes them away. Stefan gnaws on his lip over the guilt etched into his father's features.
"I'm going to do better," Damon vows. "I won't turn into Guiseppe."
"Promise?"
"I promise." He lets out a shaky breath. "I am always going to do what I can to protect you and your papa, but I won't let myself go that far."
Stefan's lips quiver. "I need you. I can't lose you."
"Come here."
Stefan rests his head on Damon's shoulder. His father wraps his arms around him, keeping a tight hold. He brushes a kiss to Stefan's forehead.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Change isn't easy," Stefan mutters.
"But I'm going to try. For you, for your papa." Damon caresses his hair. "The truth is, you fought so hard to change. You went through things I don't think I'd be strong enough to endure."
"That's not true. When you were captured…"
"I didn't come out of that the same way you did after your ripper rehabilitation," Damon interrupts, his voice stern, yet kind. "You're brave, Bunny. Resilient. I may be the dad, but there are times I wish I was more like you."
"For what it's worth," Stefan whispers. "Most days, I want to be like you."
"No, you are far too sweet."
"You're not a bad person, Daddy. Just…chipped."
Stefan swears he feels a few of his father's tears when he gives him another kiss.
Generational curses are a fricking beast and extremely hard to break. What matters is that you take the first steps, which Damon is trying to do. At the end of the day, however, he is still Damon. I don't know if that urge to beat the shit out of whoever harms his family will ever go away. Perhaps he'll get a little better about the trigger finger...
Anyway, I wish I could say the next chapter would be lighter, but this time it'll be Stefan's turn to argue with Denzo. Words that cannot be taken back will be said.
As always, let me know what you think and feel free to leave prompts!