Chapter 4: I Didn't Do It.
Thanks for all the reviews.
A short one. My hands and taking out Umbitch early are the culprits.
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They needed to get Isobel new glasses, and short of taking her to an Oculist, they would need to hit a charity shop again. Though Harry did have a funny scene in his head of the doctor trying to get Isobel to read the eyechart. Before, during and after she petrified the entire office.
This time Isobel wanted to come with him. She had been bugging him all day about it, and she wasn't letting up.
"You're a six-foot venomous snake," Harry protested, as she wound her way up his body. He had just finished putting his shoes on and was ready to leave.
"Just take me with you, motherfucker," she said, tightening her body around his.
"At least get under the invisibility cloak," he suggested, going to his trunk to get it.
"Just cast a Merlin be damned Notice-Me-Not on me," was her suggestion. She didn't want to have the cloak on, it made everything fuzzy to see. She said so to him.
"Fine," the teen said, casting the spell and leaving Grimmuald Place. He had already told Sirius what he'd be doing today, so no need to let the man know where he was going.
It was only a week into the vacation and Grimmuald Place was already overrun with strangers. Sirius had let Dumbledore use it for something called the Order of the Pheonix. His godfather, in his infinite wisdom, had shared Harry's experience with the headmaster and the old man had run with it. Calling together his old group of vigilantes, to fight the dark lord that didn't even have a body, yet.
Harry was pissed at Sirius for that. He had had Isobel freeze him for a day for that faux pas. Padfoot made it up to him by buying him a Firebolt, so they were even now. Still, now he had to deal with people he didn't know, and the Weasleys, on a daily basis.
At least he knew what a horcrux was and could at least understand a bit why Sirius felt he had to tell Albus Dumbledore what he had. Harry had had his reasons for keeping it to himself. Well, one was that he was just being petty, but still…
The boy and his snake made their way to the nearest charity shop and went to the glasses bin. Harry took out a pair of spectacles and held them up to Isobel's face and asked, "How are these?"
To a bystander it looked like he was holding them up in the air, looking over his shoulder, and hissing at nothing. Kids these days doing all sorts of drugs. Many skirted away from the obviously high teenager.
"They fucken suck," she answered, squinting through them. "They're for far-sighted people, you dolt," she added, thumping him on the head with her tail.
"Oh," he said, then got the next pair.
They did this for a few pairs when someone came up to Harry and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Getting glasses for my invisible snake," Harry said with a straight face. As soon as he said that, the man could see Isobel.
"Shite," he said, backing away as quickly as he could. He backed into a display of clothes and was promptly immobilized by Isobel.
"I liked the last pair. Let's get out of here," she hissed, tightening her grip on his body. "That should last long enough for us to make a break for it," she said, looking at the man who was hidden from sight in the display.
"Are you sure? We can go to another store," Harry offered, quickly going to the till, and paying for the ones in his hand. He then rushed out of the store and down the street, still talking to his snake, that no one but him saw.
"We can? Let's do that. Having more than one pair will be beneficial," she said, moving to get more comfortable.
So, that's what they did, only having to freeze one more person. In the end, they got Isobel three pairs of glasses and Harry even got an extra pair for himself. Harry decided that since they were out and in charity shops he might as well pick up some clothes too. So, Isobel gave him some fashion advice, which consisted of things like, "That looks like shite on you." Or "Only an arsehole would wear that color of orange." or "You're fucking color blind."
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The Weasley twins learned quickly that Harry and Isobel were not prank victims. They only had to be petrified three times to get that message. Ron wasn't quite that fast of a learner. He was petrified more than six times before he understood that Isobel could understand him and his insults. Even then he still kept calling her a slimy snake.
"Why is your family staying here? Don't you have a curse-breaker that works for Gringotts as a brother?" Harry asked Fred, or George, he could never tell them apart.
"Yeah, but a curse-breakers tears down wards, they don't put them up, do they? And Gringotts is bloody expensive," Fred, or George, answered, flipping a card down on the pile he was establishing. Harry had no idea what he was doing, but it involved Chocolate Frog Cards.
"That's stupid, you have to know wards to be able to take them down," Harry countered, still watching the twins play their weird game.
"I'm just going on what I was told," Fred said, or George, shrugging, dropping another card on the stack.
"Yeah, and the Black house is under a Fidelius, isn't it? You can't get better than that," George, or Fred, said, picking up the card his brother threw down and tucking it in his hand.
"Yes, but why your family?" the dark-haired teen asked, still not understanding why they were singled out. There were loads of families that were in danger if the dark lord was back, which he wasn't so it was all mute.
"Ron is your best mate," Fred said, Harry was sticking with Fred, taking up ten cards from the discard pile. "They reckon that our family would be singled out first," he added, and then yelled," Bonzi." He threw down his entire hand of card, making his twin groan.
"Oh," Harry said, finally understanding why they were here, but not their weird game. Well, he wouldn't go as far as to say that Ron was his best mate anymore, but he wasn't going to broadcast it to this group. Ron really didn't like Isobel and blamed her for Scabbers disappearance, even though she didn't show up until a year after the rat left.
With explanations out of the way, time moved on. The Order kept meeting, and the Weasleys still lived there. Harry did his level best to stay out of everyone's way. Isobel freezing anyone who pissed her off, helped with that a lot.
"Harry, I would have thought you'd want to know what the Order was up to," Sirius said, one day after a meeting. They were all sitting to dinner. There were the Weasleys and three Order members. Moody, Tonks, and Fletcher.
"Nope," Harry said, scratching Isobel on the head. "Voldy is a spirit right now, and not a threat. No one really knows where he is, and you lot are probably not really doing anything worthy," he added, looking around the room at the adults, who all looked affronted.
"Well, you'd be wrong," Sirius said, trying to sound enticing. "We're hunting for something and guarding something," he continued, like waving a red flag.
"I still don't want to know," Harry said, picking up his fork and eating his treacle tart. "My birthday is coming up. Can I invite people over?" he asked, wondering if Neville and Luna could get into the house.
"Sorry, Dumbledore holds the secret," Sirius said, apologetically.
"That's cool, you can rent out a restaurant," Harry said, going over which one he wanted to get for the evening. Maybe he'd introduce the purebloods to fast food.
"How about a movie and pizza instead?" Sirius suggested, looking at his godson, already regretting bringing Dumbledore into his house.
"That sounds lovely," Harry said, thinking that was a good compromise.
"You can't," Mrs. Weasley said with an air of superiority.
"I'd like to see you bloody well stop me," Harry said, in a fit of teenage rebellion.
"Don't talk to my mum like that," Ginny said, before anyone else could.
"She is not my mum, and I'll be damned if she is going to tell me what to do. I can go where I want, when I want, and do what I want. As long as my godfather is okay with it. And you just heard that he was. She has no say in it," Harry ranted, slamming his fork down on the table and standing in a fit of rage.
Isobel was lifting her head and had already frozen Molly and Ginny. "Don't you fucking tell my Harry what he can and can't fucking do, bitches. He's my friend, and not your boy toy, arseholes. If you think you can get your whoring hands on him, think again, you little slut…" she said, and would have continued on but for the hand on her mouth.
"Isobel," Harry said, cutting her off. He let go of her mouth, but he never liked those words. He found them distasteful. "There's no need for that kind of language," he stated.
"You don't smell the lust on her when you're around," the snake said, making Harry uncomfortable.
"That's normal teenage stuff," he said, trying to wave it off. "Every teenager goes through stuff like that. I get that way around some girls at school," he pointed out, remembering some embarrassing moments with Cho Chang.
"It had better be," Isobel said, narrowing her eyes at the frozen girl.
The rest of the table was silent as Harry and his snake were talking. They had never gotten used to his parseltongue. Especially Ron.
"Well," Sirius said, trying to break the tension, "I'll take you and your friends to a movie and pizza on the night of your birthday. If Mrs. Weasley doesn't want her kids to go, that's her prerogative." He too glared at Molly. He was tired of her bossy ways, and if Dumbledore hadn't asked to have them here, he'd have booted her ages ago. At least she wasn't taking over the house. What with the house elves in charge.
"We're of age," Fred said, pointing to him and his brother, who nodded.
"Yeah, we can do what we want," George stated, smirking like he had just played a prank.
"Then you can do whatever you please," the dogman confirmed, grinning like a fool.
The two Weasley females woke, and glared at Isobel like they'd like to make snake soup. She froze them again. "Stupid bitches," she snarled as well as a snake can snarl.
"Isobel, stop that," Harry said in English. "I'm sorry, Mr. Weasley, she's temperamental," he told the gentle father.
"That's alright, Harry. As long as it's harmless," Arthur said, actually enjoying the peace and quiet. He continued eating his meal, which was beer-battered fish and chips with salad.
Life continued on at Grimmuald Place and Harry and his friends, sans Isobel and Ron, had a great time watching Lion King and eating pizza in muggle London. Sirius and Remus were chaperones, poor ones though they were. Harry and Hermione were better ones, and they guided the purebloods around and showed them the sights. Everyone had a great time.
Luna and Neville were there, along with the twins, Lee, the Gryffindor chasers. Dean and Seamus were invited and came along, though they both knew London. So, it was a fun group of teenagers. Luna being the odd girl out, but she was happy with her lot in life, so it was okay.
Isobel was hopping mad that she had to stay home. She had petrified the entire house, including the paintings and house elves by the time Harry had gotten back. At least she hadn't killed anyone.
"Why did you do that?" he asked, once they were safely in his room.
"You left me here, you fucken arsehole," she said petulantly. She was curled up on her snake tree and basking under her mini sun. She was sulking, there was no ifs, ands, or buts, about it.
"You can't be trusted in large crowds," he pointed out. "You proved that at the World Cup. I couldn't take the chance in muggle London. The Statute of Secrecy would have been blown wide open if I had taken you," he said, trying to get her to see the logic of it.
"I'm over one thousand fucking years old. I have self-control, motherfucker," she spat, turning her head away from him.
"You could have fucking fooled me," he spat back, getting angry at her for her lack of self-restrain. "You can't go one day without petrifying someone." He was actually getting tired of making excuses for her. She was, like she said, over a thousand years old.
"I so can too," she said, turning and facing him.
"Then fucking prove it," he dared her.
"I fucken will," she stated, slithering down her tree and standing in front of him up to her full six feet. Well, as far as her muscles would let her, which was taller than Harry.
However, try as she might, Isobel's temper got the better of her, and everyday someone got frozen. She sulked at this, and Harry was vindicated. He did his best to not tell her 'I told you so.' It was hard though.
The house elves found another one of Voldy's horcruxes while cleaning, and Sirius had Isobel bite it. It was done swiftly and without ceremony.
"That was fucking disgusting," Isobel said, jutting her tongue out and sticking it in a bowl of water that the elves had for her.
"Sorry," Harry said, rubbing her belly as she tried to get the taste out of her mouth.
Sirius noted the spirit that dissipated and sighed. "I think there's more," he said, making a note. He would have to tell the Order about it, and he wanted all his facts straight.
"How can you tell?" Harry asked, leaning over to see what he wrote.
"The size of that spirit," Sirius said, hiding his notes. "It was only a sliver. If it was bigger, I would have thought only three, which would mean we were done. But that was too small." Harry could hear the disappointment in his tone. He too felt it.
"Damn, motherfucking dammit," Harry said, banging his head on the wall next to him.
"You have been spending too much time with your snake," Sirius said, knowing the snake cussed up a storm. Harry had translated a few times when the snake asked him to. That basilisk had a mouth on her that could peel paint.
"Sorry," the unrepenting boy said, closing his eyes and thinking. "If one was here, and one was with Malfoy, who else would have one?" he asked, thinking of the other Death Eaters, and who was part of the Black family.
Sirius thought that over and had an epiphany. He didn't share it though, just ran off and started making floo calls. Harry shrugged and went to finish his homework.
It was on one of his outings in London that Harry was waylaid by dementors of all things. Since he was only going to the movies in the neighborhood, he had Isobel with him. She petrified them and he ran to Grimmuald Place. He didn't hear anything about rogue dementors, so he brushed it off as a freak incident.
The booklist came at the last second and Harry went to get his books and equipment with Sirius. Molly had volunteered to get them for him, but he declined. He didn't want anyone to have his key. Sirius agreed with him. Many people got petrified in Diagon Alley that day, making Harry sigh.
Hermione and Ron made prefect, which was fine with Harry. Isobel took up much of his time, not to mention quidditch. That and it was his OWL year. He was still undecided as to what he wanted to do with his life, but he needed all the OWLs he could get and being prefect would interfere with studying.
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There was a pink monstrosity at the Teachers' Table. It couldn't be human. It looked like a giant toad. When it stood and spoke like a human being, Harry was sure that the world had come to an end.
"Can I eat that fucking pink bitch?" Isobel asked, looking at the woman with horror filled eyes.
"Go for it, but you might get indigestion," Harry said only half-joking, scratching her head. This time they had her glasses on, which garnered a few queer looks from student and staff alike.
"That much fucking pink needs to be eaten before it spreads," argued the snake. Her eyes never left the woman, like if she did, then something bad would happen, probably to Harry.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," Harry said, teasing her. He really didn't think Isobel would eat the woman. Freeze her, yes, but eat her… that was debatable. She might poison her, that was a thought. Well, then they'd kill Isobel, and that would be a bad thing.
"You'll need to unshrink me first," Isobel said, completely serious.
By now they were getting a lot of looks for their conversation. It wasn't often that Harry talked to Isobel in public for this long. Some were getting used to it, others were still freaked out by it. Ron.
"Isobel, you can't eat the staff," Harry said, turning and looking her in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood that.
"She's fucking evil, mark my words," the basilisk stated, staring him down. "I've been around evil people all my fucking life. I was hatch via a dark ritual. I know evil and that bitch is evil," she persisted, still glaring into his eyes.
"I get it, evil. At least wait until she does something to warrant it," Harry pleaded. That would appease his morals.
"Fine," she hissed and settled down to watch the evil bitch continue her speech. They went to bed, and she dreamed of swallowing the woman whole.
Time moved on and tension in the castle started to grow, thanks to Umbridge, the pink toad. She was a saccharine sweet sadistic bitch. Harry hated her the first time he had her class. She kept trying to goad him into saying weird things. Like that Voldy was back, when Harry knew the man wasn't. Or that the headmaster was raising an army, which if the man was, Harry had no knowledge of it. She was doing everything in her power to get Harry in trouble, but he was keeping his head down. Or at least looking at her in blank confusion.
It was beyond bizarre, but the woman had it out for Harry. It was Snape all over again.
Snape had laid off Harry due to an agreement they had come to over Isobel's venom and scales. The potions master would ignore Harry, and Harry would give the man his ingredients. Isobel wasn't happy with the arrangement. She wanted to kill the man, but Harry cockblocked her.
He wasn't going to do that with Umbridge though. At least not after he'd seen what he just saw.
"Isobel, I think she's torturing the students," Harry told his snake one day after seeing a first year crying over his hand. There had been words carved in that hand. He talked to the boy and was told about a black quill that used the writer's blood. He told Isobel this.
"That's it, the bitch is fucking dead," the basilisk said, swaying back and forth in agitation. "Take me there, then unshrink me. Right the fuck now," she demanded, winding her way up his body.
"Gladly," he said, moving towards the DADA classroom with determination.
When they got there, Harry pulled on his invisibility cloak and snuck in. He put Isobel down and unshrunk her.
Umbridge saw her and gave a triumphant smile. She pulled out a rooster and unshrunk it and tried to get it to crow. "I have you now, Harry Potter," she crowed, moving to the front of her desk, and looking around the room for the boy. "I know you are here," she continued, still searching.
"You stupid bitch, do you really think a cock's crow will kill me? I'm over a thousand fucking years old," Isobel said, moving quickly eating first Umbridge then the rooster. "Whew, that was too fucking close," she said with a sigh.
"Can a rooster's crow kill you?" Harry asked, shrinking her down and carrying her out, still under his cloak.
"If it crows long enough. But it would have to crow for a long time," she admitted, wiggling to get comfortable.
"Well, we'll just have to stay away from chickens," Harry said, rubbing her head comfortingly. They went to the Chamber of Secrets for a while to get away from everyone.
The next day the DMLE was at the school looking into the disappearance of Umbridge. They were asking everyone who had contact with her. They questioned all those who had detention and were appalled at the blood quill she had them use. She was then wanted for questioning herself. There was a warrant out for Assault and Battery of Minors. She was now one of the most wanted witches in the United Kingdom.
Then Harry and Isobel were brought in as suspects, after everyone else had been cleared. Now they were grasping for wisp-o-wills.
"Mr. Potter, you will act as interpreter and submit to your own questioning," Madam Bones said, putting a self-writing quill to a piece of parchment.
"What can we do for you today?" Harry asked, slumping in his chair, with Isobel hanging off his shoulders. They looked like they were having a casual chat with friends. Or rebellious teenagers, it was hard to tell the difference sometimes.
"Did you kill Dolores Umbridge?" one of the Aurors asked, jumping the gun, from the look on Bones' face.
"Nope, can I go?" Harry answered, getting up from the chair and heading for the door.
"Sit," Amelia said, pointing to the seat.
Harry sat.
"Fine," he mumbled, reaching up and scratching the area around the Spellotape on Isobel's head.
"When was the last time you saw Professor Umbridge?" Bones inquired, glancing at the outspoken Auror.
"Yesterday, in the classroom," Harry answered honestly. His eyes never strayed from Isobel's head.
"Did you have words with her?" was the next question.
"Nope, I didn't say word one to that bitch," he said again, completely honest. He hardly ever spoke to the woman if he could help it.
"Watch your mouth, young man," Bones snapped, narrowing her eyes.
"Sorry," Harry said, unapologetic.
"Now, I ask your snake the same questions," she said, looking to Isobel.
"Yes, I killed that sadistic bitch, and I'd fucking do it again," Isobel hissed, looking for all the world relaxed. She was leaning into Harry's scratches and moving her head to a better position.
"She says she has no idea why you would think she had anything to do with Umbridge," Harry said, completely straight-faced.
"Umbridge disappeared without a trace. Your snake can be enlarged enough to swallow her whole," Amelia stated, tapping her wand on her thigh like she wanted to use it, but had no clue as to what spell to use.
"Yeah, and? There are thousands of spells that can do the same thing. Don't go blaming the easiest target. Isobel was with me the whole day yesterday, and I wouldn't let her kill," Harry said, his face going stone hard.
"You fucking tell her, Harry," Isobel said, proud of her friend for covering for her. "A good friend helps hide the body," she said, preening a bit.
"Well, I have no choice but to take your word for it. I can't dose you with Veritaserum. Not without your guardian's permission, and I doubt Black will give it," she said with a sigh. She didn't notice any bulges on the snake, so there were no telltale signs that the snake had eaten a person.
"Then are we done?" Harry asked a bit belligerently.
"We're done, for now," Bones conceded, waving to the door.
"I can't fucking believe we got away with that shite," Isobel said, putting her head on top of Harry's.
"For now," Harry said, shaking a bit now that it was over. This was something he was never going to tell a living soul.
The months went by, and Harry studied for his OWLs and played quidditch. It was easier now that he didn't have any teacher's breathing down his neck. Snape was behaving and Umbitch was gone. It was turning out to be a good year. Until there was a breakout at Azkaban.
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"So that means Voldy has a body?" Harry said to Sirius during Yule break.
"Yup," his godfather answered. "We reckon he found one of his horcruxes and used it. That means there is two left unaccounted for." There was a frustrated look on his face. Stress lines were present as well.
"One," Isobel hissed, joining the conversation.
"Why do you say that?" Harry asked, tilting his head.
"That fucking snake was one," she explained, moving forward a bit to get to Sirius. "I heard the screams of a horcrux dying when I killed the bitch. Tell him that," she instructed.
So Harry did and there was a sense of relief on the man. "Does that mean the Order found one?" he asked Sirius.
"Yes," Sirius said, grinning like he pulled the greatest prank of all times. "It was in my cousin's vault." He preened like a man who got away with a great crime.
"So let me get my numbers right. There was the diary, the necklace, the snake, the one you got,"
"A cup,"
"a cup, and whatever Voldy used. That's five. How does that add up to seven?" he asked, a bit confused.
"You make six, seven being yourself," Sirius explained, with a knowledgeable look.
"Oh, I guess that makes sense," Harry said, then wondered where the sixth one would be. Then he decided that it would be best left up to the adults and went to find something to do. He and Isobel went to the theater many times over the break, with the twins joining them. Sirius and the Order were wracking their brains over where the last horcrux was but having little luck.
"Harry, is it in the Chamber?" Remus asked him one day.
"Of course, it's not in the fucking chamber, you idiot," Isobel stated, glaring at the werewolf. She got right in his face and snapped her jaws at him, making him fall back.
"I don't think you need an interpreter for that," Harry said, picking Isobel up and leaving the room.
The break was over, and they all went back to school for more studying and quidditch. Time went on and Harry was visited with a vision during his History OWL.
"I don't know what to do about it," he confessed to Isobel in an alcove off the hallway.
"What exactly did you see?" she asked, moving to peer at his face.
"It was kind of fuzzy, but I saw them torturing Sirius about getting a prophecy," he stated, furrowing his brow trying to remember the vision.
"It's a fucking trap," she said with confidence. "Call Dobby," she instructed.
"Dobby," Harry called.
"Master is needing Dobby?" the elf asked as he popped in, eager to please.
"Where is Sirius?" Harry asked, trying not to sound scared.
"Doggyman is being at Grimmuald Place," the confused elf stated.
"Thanks, Dobby, you've been a great help," Harry said, giving him a hug and dismissing him.
Dobby gave him a concerned look and popped away.
"See, a trap. We have two choices, we can go and kill the motherfuckers, or we can ignore it," Isobel stated, moving her head back and forth in a hypnotic motion.
"Well, I know what you want to do," Harry said with a grin. Then he slumped. "I think this time, we should ignore it. I'll floo Sirius and let him and the Order handle it," he decided, moving off to do just that.
"I am going to eat me some motherfucking Death Eaters before this war is over. And I'm going to get fucking Riddle too," Isobel vowed, riding his shoulders as usual.
"Of course," Harry promised, a smirk played on his lips. So, he called Sirius on the DADA floo, because there was no one there, and told him what he saw.
"We're going to have to figure out why you have these visions and dreams," Sirius said, then disconnected to go and see what was going on at the MoM. They captured half of the Death Eaters, Malfoy included, and killed two of them. Voldy and the Lestranges got away. The prophecy was safe for another day.
Harry thought he passed his OWLs with flying colors and was content with his decision not to go to the Ministry of Magic. His friends thought so too, bar Ron.
"You should have gone," the redhead said, folding his arms. "Sirius could have been in serious trouble."
"But he wasn't," Harry said, tilting his head. "I verified it with Dobby," he reminded the other boy.
"Still, you and your slimy snake could have fought You-Know-Who," Ron said, getting excited, vibrating in his seat.
"I'm nowhere near trained enough to fight a dark lord," Harry said, narrowing his eyes at his 'best mate'.
"But you're the Boy-Who-Lived," was the answer like it explained it all. It did not. Well, it did, but…
"Ron…" was as far as Hermione got when Harry raised his hand.
"No, I'm Harry James Potter. Just graduated fifth year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," Harry said very slowly and succinctly. He wanted to make sure that everyone heard what he said, and that he didn't stumble on any words.
In the compartment were Luna, Neville, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione. And Isobel, of course.
"But you're also the Boy-Who-Lived," the Weasley children said, equally confused.
"Isobel," Harry said, and she stunned them. "I'm out of here," he stated, making sure his snake was well on his shoulders as he moved.
"No, wait," Neville said, holding up his hands. "There are three of us here that don't think like they do. Stay here, and we'll move them," he offered, taking out his wand and lifting Ron.
Luna did the same to Ginny. They took them somewhere else and came back soon after. Where they left them, Harry didn't know, and he didn't care. The rest of the train ride was pleasant, and Harry talked about the school year and what he hoped the next year would be like.
"Don't fucking count on it. You haven't had a fucking good year yet," Isobel predicted, hissing this in his ear.
"Shush you, I can fucken dream, can't I?" he answered back.
"It doesn't do well to dwell on dreams, Harry Potter. However, it is nice to think about them once in a while," Luna said, a dreamy quality to her voice.
"There is that, Luna Lovegood," Harry said, giving her a smile. "There is that."