Epic Rap of JRPG video games,
Altina Orion
VS
Harle from Chrono Cross
BEGIN!
Altina swoops down with her elegant and beautiful robot Brianna,
and activates her rap mojo.
"Initiating rap, analyzing foe, initiate suppression baby time for a show.
This shall be easy, like servin up a biscuit, I'm Altina Orion-already licked it!
Welcome Harle to your final hour, behold my awesomely cute imperial power!
It does not appear that you've received adequate training, were you
in Class Seven? Your influence is waning!" said Altina.
Harle came swishing into the room.
"Sacré bleu, young girl you seek a battle with Mois? Look robut bunny, mois haz Je ne sais quoi!
Mois may look quite silly, Mois may drink lots of wine, but at least Mois is sexy, my rapping is divine.
You train at an academy with no real stated purpose, while Mois travels zeh world on my
yachts and offer humble service! As far as lyrics go Mois is already surging,
and it looks like a glitch makes you and zeh grounds of the town of Crossbell start merging" said Harle.
Altina again adjusts the dial on Brianna.
"Brianna darling, time to activate lyrical fire, you're gonna be amazed at what's about to transpire,
initializing action, initializing data dump, looks like this one's all over your rump!
I am the cutest little thing ever created, you look like that bitch from Batman
all regurgitated! Looks like you're the one glitching cuz you need some decompression,
rappin' against a PS1 foe's such an awful transgression. You may be traveling the world,
your infinite bag of jellybeans I'll snitch, while I giggle at the ironic fact you're a
big ol' pussy's bitch!" replied Altina.
Harle laughed.
"Little anime robot rabbit has quite some gumption, to offer Mois such trifle insults
while speaking of jellybean consumption. Yes I get paid by Lynx, but
if beating Mois is your intention? You should know that I'm a dragon
from the eighty first dimension" said Harle.
Altina giggled softly and without any emotion.
"Dragon from the eighty first dimension what is that? My army's much
cooler got a talkin' housecat. Since I'm standing here upon a
pretty little placid pile of moss, while we're on the subject what the mother cluckin' fuckin hell is Franglais?
So what if you're some super duper gatekeeper for a mansion? I smell a trail of cold steel, no?
Brianna's CANNON!" shouted Altina, sending a wave of fire down at Harle,
which Harle contained and put out with a magic wind ball.
"You've played it so nice with Mois so far, so now Mois will trap
you in zis brutality jar. You are such slow learner,
like you were born yesterday it took you years to have one emotion,
what more can I say? How much programming you learn just
to write one line? Mois was born rhyming, and she sounds like French wine.
Your clan is so cute, so why you all dress like zeh Nazi? And also-
you can't compete with my body! Mois thinks it's high time
you finally come clean-about your unethical relationship with Mr. Rean!" said Harle.
Altina swooshed back onto the stage and stole Harle's mic.
"Guess I need help, or things might rot, cuz it looks
like Brianna is smoking some pot! Initializing assistance, things are gonna get juicy-with a little
help from my good friend Musse!" shouted Altina.
Musse came by and grabbed a spare mic.
"Your rhymes are so cheap like a dime a dozen, whereas me and Altina
are rockin' in our fuzzin! *Altina and Musse are now wearing furry outfits that look like Tanookis*
Me and Altina are so warm fuzzy and cute, you can't deny it without being a heartless brute!
We rescue lands from evil powers and we know it hurts-that we do it all with style
and adorable skimpy skirts!" said Musse.
Harle rolls her eyes in disgust.
"Mois thinks this Musse thing is simply a bluff, for the fact that Altina is not really so tough.
You two girls are just pawns for instructor-for whom you fight for crazy like crocodile,
all for Mr. Rean who is likely just some loony pedophile! Go make out in zat
Panzer tank you stole from world war two and while you're at it can you fix my
dear dainty little shoe?" asked Harle.
"We're super, we're sexy, we saved Crossbell from invaders, we're
even more powerful than Tusken Raiders! And just in case you delude yourself
to thinking you're one of the chosen? Just a reminder?
Our flame isn't frozen!" sang Musse and Altina in unison.
Who won?
Who's next?
Epic rap of JRPG's!