IN THE SHADOW OF OUR HEARTS
The Straw Hat crew is finally reunited and back at sea after their adventures in the land of samurai. Yet the wounds of the past still linger and their hold on the cook of the Thousand Sunny has never been stronger. As some scars reopen, Sanji won't have any choice but to confront the one he has always wanted to get rid of. Himself.
Hello everyone, here I am again with a new translation of one of my ZoSan fics. I know I still have a lot of work to do with Beyond our dreams but don't worry, I won't forget it.
This story is a translation of my fic A l'ombre de nos coeurs that I started writing in 2020.
The first chapter of this fic is particular; it's a trailer. It is inspired by the trailer of the game The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. I really hope you like it.
This is rating M, especially for Graphic Depictions of Psychological Disorder. There's also Emotional Hurt, Psychological Violence, Heavy Angst and Eventual Sex. Please be careful. I will not warn you at the beginning of each concerned chapter for not spoiling them.
This is a post-Wano story. I tried to respect as much as possible the characters' consistency and everything that happened until Volume 95. At the time, the Wano Country Arc wasn't over but I used details as chapters were released. There are no explicit references after Volume 95 though. Only the people who are up to date with the manga should notice.
Cover aboude_art on Twitter.
English isn't my mother tongue. I apologize for every mistake you may find.
Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
Enjoy your reading.
TRAILER
Sanji put on his impeccable shirt before buttoning it quickly, checking at the same time that no crease had escaped him. He adjusted his belt on his pants before making sure his shoes had been perfectly polished. Looking closely in the mirror, he fixed his strand of blond hair in front of his right eye.
He looked at himself for a long time through the reflecting surface. His appearance was impeccable, as always, but he wondered if his tired face and his skin, which was a little paler than usual, weren't too visible despite the care he took to get ready each day. Of course, everyone knew he had never slept much, but it wasn't his dark circles that worried him so much. No, what he dreaded the most was his frozen smile and too rigid gestures which had already drawn the attention of the most curious of his crewmates to him.
Sanji sighed. There was nothing he could do about it. His return on the Sunny still left a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach and he did his best to ignore it and resume his life as if Whole Cake Island had never existed. In this regard, their adventures on Wano had been a welcome break, although particularly trying. Now that it was over however, everyone was back on the ship alongside Luffy who was heading towards his destiny as the Pirate King more than ever.
The cook suddenly cast an exasperated look at his reflection before turning to leave the bathroom. He had already put on a show more than necessary and his friends had been really generous to understand him, so he wasn't going to feel sorry for himself again.
Sanji flung the door open and felt the cool morning air rush through his light shirt but he ignored it. He quickly made his way to his galley and locked himself in a minute later. Outside, the day was just breaking.
Zoro watched the contorted figure of the crew's cook twirl a little faster to satisfy the navigator's request. The blond gave her a plate of cakes as well as a huge glass with flashy colors, his eyes heart-shaped, before inquiring about what the archaeologist wanted in an equally grandiloquent way. The swordsman continued to follow him with his eyes. He had always hated this exuberant behavior with the girls. He considered it not only degrading but also perfectly stupid and usually, he quickly turned away, annoyed at the blond's obvious inability to behave with dignity. But since they had returned to sea after their victory, the fencer examined with a sharp look his slightest movements, on his guard. Indeed, Sanji had extended to all the crew and without any apparent reason his extreme helpfulness.
Of course, the cook didn't whirl with the boys as he did with the girls, but some details were not deceiving. Whenever Brook, Usopp or Franky mentioned the idea of a snack or an upcoming meal, the blond would come rushing to serve it to them. Chopper didn't even need to beg for sweets anymore and Jinbei, however newcomer, didn't know which way to start because the cook was covering him with fish. Even with the swordsman, Sanji barely hesitated to offer him bottles of sake he had previously guarded jealously and his snacks were always hot even if he got up in the middle of the night for his watch.
Yet the most obvious was the way Luffy was treated. The straw hat boy had only to turn his gaze in the blond's direction for the man to come running, a piece of meat very often within reach at the same time. The captain's eyes lit up and even when he jumped on his cook's back to ask for more, Zoro had seen the blond answer more often with a smile than with his usual kicks.
When Sanji almost fell flat on his face because of his eagerness to execute yet another request from Nami, the fencer ended up losing interest in the scene, almost disgusted. If the cook now rejoiced at the idea that the whole crew considered him a slave, that was his problem. Zoro, on the other hand, had no desire to participate in this masquerade.
"Sanji's different since what happened, don't you think?" Usopp called out to his friends.
"He's constantly on the move," Franky agreed, looking down at his chips.
"It is only with our captain that he seems to find some rest," Robin noted at his side.
"He surely needs a little time to find his bearings," Chopper pointed out while distributing the cards. "Whole Cake Island hasn't been a cakewalk and with everything we've been through in Wano, I don't think he's had time to really get over those events yet."
"This arranged marriage was only a vast blackmail organized by his own family," Brook remembered sadly while he raised his cup to his lips, "There is something to be shocked about."
"I think meeting them was the last thing he wanted," Nami sighed while recounting her notes, "In front of them, he was no longer himself…"
Luffy jumped up in joy and his elastic arms wrapped around the Sunny's mast. "Great, an adventure!"
"This is gonna be super!" Franky rejoiced on the deck.
"It's a rather common island without any particular affiliation; it'll be a nice change," Sanji noted while lighting a cigarette.
"We're still wanted by the entire fleet of two Emperors, not counting the Marines," Nami reminded them. "We'll need to be careful."
Leaning against the railing, Zoro shrugged. "Wherever we go, we'll be recognized now anyway."
"Our destiny is definitely more likely to end in tragedy than in peaceful retirement," Robin approved with a smile.
"I don't wanna die; I'm way too young!" Brook panicked.
"Don't worry, I'll heal you if you're hurt!" Chopper assured him immediately.
A little further at the helm, Jinbei burst out laughing. "We never get bored with you!"
"That's the problem," Usopp confirmed wearily.
Sanji grimly ripped off the poster from the wall and beside him, Usopp bit his lip. "You know, by now, things have probably changed…" The blond didn't answer and headed down the little alley as the now crumpled paper flew away in the wind behind him.
The sun was still shining in the cloudless sky above their heads and the sniper sighed as he quickly followed his friend. He knew right away that this island would bring them bad luck anyway…
"What happened back there?"
Sanji walked past him without stopping but Zoro didn't miss the clenching of his hand on his tray when he reached him.
"Nothing you need to know."
"You and Zoro seem to be on pins and needles," Jinbei pointed out, "Even more so than when I saw you on Fishman Island."
"Don't mind us, we never knew how to get along," The blond answered, focusing on his dishes.
"That's not what Luffy told me."
The cook's hands froze in the water for a second before he slowly turned to his new crewmate. "What did he say?"
"That you two were his armed wings and that you could fight in perfect harmony without so much as a second thought."
Sanji looked down as he turned away to slowly pick up his dishes. "It was a long time ago."
Amid the moving shadows of the sails on the deck, Sanji glanced at his crewmate leaning on the rail. Zoro was looking at the stars with intensity and the blond didn't dare approach him. A few weeks earlier, he wouldn't have hesitated to curl up around the fencer's back to whisper the most indecent proposals in his ear though. Zoro rarely resisted these promising words and the cook had used them at every opportunity.
During all those months, the swordsman had shown him infinite patience in addition to giving him total freedom. No questions. No requirements. No complaints. Just a desire born somewhere during those dark nights they had spent together. An invitation that Zoro had sometimes expressed half-heartedly, or sometimes even more modestly with a look or a silence.
The moonlight suddenly lit the swordsman's new sword at his waist and Sanji immediately looked away. He had held the world in his hands. But he had never known how to seize his chance.
Sanji concentrated all his strength in his right leg before kicking right at the huge pylon which vibrated under the attack without yielding. Mad with rage, the cook whirled again to better throw himself against the steel which creaked in return. The noise of the successive impacts soon created a continuous buzz while below, his friends were also fighting fiercely.
The cook noticed several lightning gathering momentum around Nami while the sound of Franky's machine gun arm rivaled his own din. A little further, Luffy was having a field day and his vengeful fists pulverized everything in their path, just like Zoro's blades on the other side of the room. At the pools, Jinbei and Usopp were still working together, protected by Brook's sword strikes, Chopper's large figure and Robin's countless arms.
Sanji redoubled his efforts against his own enemy. He knew he had nothing to do with it but unwittingly, he still felt responsible.
Sanji closed his eyes for a second before opening them again to force himself to look at his face.
The image of this man the mirror was showing him didn't tally with what he had been trying to build for thirteen years now. With his black suit, headphones and ridiculous haircut, this man was rather the reflection of his memories and worst nightmares.
Two tears slipped silently behind his glasses to his mask and Sanji felt the sobs threatening to overwhelm him at their sight. He needed to face the facts. This man was him.
"Sanji, that was so cool!"
Luffy rushed at his cook and jumped into his arms to avoid the sea water in which the blond was still wading, his eyes sparkling with admiration. Sanji wobbled as he caught his captain and Zoro grumbled while stabilizing him with one hand on his shoulder to prevent them both from falling in the water. Sanji then laughed with his captain while around them, the rest of the crew slowly approached to join them, a relieved smile on their lips.
Sanji turned to the silent figure who had been judging him for too long, furious.
"My cooking is all I have, okay?!"
Zoro pressed his hand on his cold cheek, frowning, and the cook couldn't help but flinch.
"What did they do for you to come to this?"
"Luffy still wasn't moving so I begged him to stop; I swore we were gonna leave but… it wasn't enough. He… set his leg on fire and…"
Nami closed her eyes and the bluish light of the aquarium cast shadows on her pale face when the images of that terrible day flashed before her eyes. When she opened them again, tears were welling up at the corner of her eyelids and her friends around her froze, an icy silence falling among them at the rhythm of her words.
"He-He kicked him again and-and again and I thought… I thought he was gonna kill him," She admitted in a breath. "Luffy ended up fainting and only then did he leave…"
Sitting outside against the door, Zoro stared at his captain whose enthusiastic figure was leaning towards his cook to better show him a picture of the book he was holding. At one point, he spread his arms as if to embrace the entire ocean and the blond followed his movement with his eyes, clearly captivated. Luffy then added something and Sanji's smile lit up the deck in return.
Zoro felt his hand close on his sword. On the other side of the wooden panel, the dead silence that had taken place not long before was still in place.
Little Sanji's eyes widened, the words crushing his heart more than any blow had ever managed to reach. Was it because he had cried so much and regretted being born who he was? Was it because he had begged to forgive him for everything he couldn't be and realized in that moment how in vain his prayers had been? Was it just that day that he realized he had never been part of this family?
Either way, at this precise moment, something had broken in him. A part of him had gone out and the tears that had welled up in his eyes had conveyed his despair as much as the indescribable pain he had felt because of this loss. A gaping wound had nestled deep in his insides, a rift that he was condemned to bear until the end of his life, wherever he was and wherever he went, without the possibility of healing one day.
Maybe his father had never been able to bring himself to kill him physically, but his project had nevertheless been a real success. Indeed, that day, Vinsmoke Sanji had ceased to exist.
Sanji stared at his crewmate, his eyes wide with fear, and Zoro looked deeper into his eyes. Amidst the darkness of the night, his one good eye was glaring at him.
"I knew a guy on this ship who was anything but weak! Someone who never let anyone step on him. Who has never looked down in front of anyone. Who carried his principles proudly and who would have fought to death to assert them! A guy ready to do anything to save people who hate him, yes, but not a guy who prefers to hide behind another. Not a guy who forgets his dream and who he is!"
Zoro then pointed his finger at the blond's chest until the man took a step back against the railing, furious.
"Where did that guy go?! You're only his shadow and I want you to give him back to me!"
IN THE SHADOW OF OUR HEARTS
Coming soon…