"Big day today."
"Very big."
"Nervous?"
"A little bit."
Something about Dex's apartment feels like home to Kristina, though she's not sure if it's the comforting, mellow colors of the place or the fact that he's the one living in it. She's spent the last week or so staying with him, only going back to her apartment for select necessities, and she's grateful he hasn't yet thrown her out (not that she thinks he would). She presently stands in his bathroom, staring directly at her reflection in the mirror. Her ruffled, light pink blouse sits well enough on her body, being one of the few shirts she owns that accommodates her body, complimenting the black leggings she's worn more often than she'd like to admit.
"Only a little bit?" Dex asks, leaning against the doorframe.
"Yeah. I mean, I've done everything right thus far," she remarks, tying her hair up in a somewhat messy bun, "but anything's possible. Plus," her arms drop, "I have to see Molly."
"Things are still rocky?"
"Yep."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too," Kristina turns towards him, "I want her to be involved, obviously, but not if she thinks she can run my life. I'm the surrogate; I make the health decisions."
"Kristina Corinthos-Davis runs her own life."
"That she does," she gives him a playful smirk as she approaches him, wrapping her arms around his torso, "and don't you forget it."
"Never," he captures her lips in a kiss. They stay put for a moment before she suddenly pulls away, a hand on her stomach, "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, um," she takes a deep breath, "hold on," she moves her hand lower, inhaling when she feels the pressure from before, "Whoa…"
"What is it?"
"I…I think the baby's kicking."
Dex gives her a look of both intrigue and confusion. Kristina moves both of her hands around her stomach, feeling a small smack to her palm.
"Wow…" her voice is airy as she walks by him, standing by the bed. The bright smile on her face makes Dex's stomach flutter, "Come here."
He walks over and she immediately grabs his wrist, resting his hand against her torso. It only takes a few seconds for him to feel a firm tap, "Whoa..."
"You felt it?" Kristina asks.
"Yeah," he laughs, the same firmness dragging across his palm, "yeah."
Her eyes sparkle as she stares at him, gently biting her bottom lip. Dex meets her gaze, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear with his free hand. She takes his hands in hers, holding them level with their waists.
"Dex…" her voice is gentle, voice cracking ever-so-slightly.
"Yes…?" he leans in, his nose barely an inch away from her forehead. Her mood shifts from awestruck to frightened, and her grip on his hands tighten. She wants to grab his face and pull him close, to let all hell break loose. The confession returns to her lips, ready for deployment.
"...We should get going."
The car ride to the hospital is quiet yet tense. Kristina keeps her eyes on the other vehicles while Dex focuses on the road. He glances at her occasionally, a lingering thought on his mind. His mouth opens and closes, trying to figure out what to say.
"Is everything okay?" he ends up asking.
"Yeah," she responds, eyes still on the road, "Is everything okay with you?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just…it seemed like you wanted to tell me something."
"Um…yeah. It's just…not the right time," her back is flat against the leather seat, "but you'll find out soon. I promise."
"Okay," he turns the corner and pulls into the parking lot, taking a spot right near the entrance. He steps out of the car and opens her door. She wraps her arms around his shoulders, holding him tight for a moment, her head on his shoulder before he helps her onto her feet.
"Kristina!" TJ beams as they walk inside, pulling her into a gentle hug, "I'm glad you're here. How are you doing?"
"I'm doing alright," she responds, "You?"
"Same. Molly's over there with Dr. Navarro," he points to the sofa, "We're ready whenever you are."
"I'm ready," she nods, turning to Dex. She squeezes his hand before walking off with TJ, joining the women. Kristina and Molly exchange looks, silence dictating their greetings before the former enters the exam room. She settles onto the bed just as the doctor sets up the needed machinery.
"So," Dr. Navarro begins, lifting Kristina's blouse up to just underneath her chest, "how have things been with the pregnancy?"
"Good, actually. My morning sickness is gone, I don't feel any pain or discomfort, I'm just…cruising through this thing."
"That's good," the woman grabs a bottle of clear blue gel, rubbing the substance across the middle of her bump, "You ready?"
"Yeah," Kristina clears her throat as she feels something press against her stomach. Dr. Navarro moves the transducer across the bare skin, splashes of gray, black, and white appearing on the screen. She goes slowly, tracing a circular path until a large, bean-like shape begins to show up.
"Is that…" Kristina stares at the image, eyes wide.
"That's your baby," the doctor responds sweetly, moving the device around. She dons a wide smile as she catches a glimpse of the baby's lower half, "...your baby girl."
Kristina's breath hitches in her throat. She watches the baby move, what looks to be an arm slowly moving upwards and a foot kicking out. She subconsciously rests her hands on the spot.
"She seems quite active," Dr. Navarro laughs, "Has she kicked before?"
"I've felt some…fluttering in my stomach on and off, but today it really…it really felt like a kick."
"That's her way of saying hello, of letting you know that she's in there and she's doing just fine."
Wonder makes up every feature on Kristina's face. She's fixated on the ultrasound image, softening at the sight of the baby, her baby, moving and stretching in her limited capacity.
My little girl, she stares in awe, that's my little girl…Dex's little girl…
She briefly looks at the closed door, silently wishing he's on the other side. Instead, she watches as Dr. Navarro leads Molly and TJ in. They stand to Kristina's right as the doctor returns to her spot, using the transducer to bring the image back.
"Oh my God," Molly chirps, leaning closer to the screen, "that's our baby."
"Wow…" TJ runs a hand through his hair, "Look at that…" he turns to the doctor, "Do you know the gender?"
"It's a girl."
"A girl," Molly cheers, "a little girl," she grabs TJ's arm, bright smiles on their faces, "we're having a little girl!"
"Congrats, you two," Dr. Navarro says, briefly glancing at Kristina. The couple looks back at the monitor and watches the baby move and kick, and all Kristina does is lay there and watch, "Do you want to hear the heartbeat?"
"Yes, please," TJ nods enthusiastically. The doctor messes with a few knobs on the overall machine, running the transducer over Kristina's bare stomach. The sound of the baby's heartbeat, strong and rhythmic, reduces her to tears immediately.
"She's healthy," Molly coos, holding TJ's hand, "That sounds like a healthy heartbeat."
"And it is one," Dr. Navarro nods, "Kristina's been taking good care of her."
"Krissy," Molly holds her hand, immediately noticing her reddened face, "are you okay?"
"Yeah," she sniffs, "it's just…I'm happy for you guys. I'm happy that…that she's okay."
"And we're happy that you're okay," TJ responds.
"I'm so sorry," Molly squeezes her hand, "I shouldn't have hovered and made you do what I wanted you to. You've been so good to us, to our daughter, and I wasn't seeing that. I'm so, so sorry, Krissy, and I promise you, from now on, I'll live and let live."
"Thank you," Kristina wipes her eyes, "and I forgive you," she pulls Molly into a tight yet awkward hug, "I love you."
"I love you too."
"Thank you, Dr. Navarro," TJ says as the doctor wipes the gel off Kristina's skin, "I appreciate this."
"It's standard procedure," she answers, "but you're welcome."
Molly helps Kristina off the exam bed, helping smooth out the blouse before they all walk out. She turns back to Dr. Navarro, observing the stern, knowing look on the doctor's face before formally exiting. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees Dex with Molly and TJ, smiling and nodding as they speak to him.
He deserves to know, she thinks, he was the first one to feel her kick, and he should've been the first one to see the ultrasound. You can't keep doing this to him, and you certainly can't keep doing this to Molly and TJ. Just bite the bullet and tell the truth, go over there and-
"Kristina Corinthos-Davis."
She whips her head to her right, smiling as Kevin Collins walks up to her.
"Dr. Collins," she says, "nice to see you."
"Nice to see you as well. How have you been?"
"I'm…" her eyes travel to the group by the reception desk, specifically fixated on Dex's wide smile, "Uh…"
"Everything alright?"
Tell them, the words ring loud in her head, Go over there. Go-
"Do you think you have some time in your schedule for a last-minute session?"
Dr. Collins follows her gaze before going back to her, "Let's go to my office."
The elevator ride to the fourth floor is quiet. Kristina bites down on her lip while she absent-mindedly runs a hand over her bump, her thoughts all over the place.
"Congrats."
"Hm?" she looks at the man.
"You're pregnant," he points down at the outline of her bump through her blouse.
"Oh, uh, thank you."
"How far along are you?"
"About five months. Had an ultrasound today, actually."
"How did that go?"
"Good. It's a girl."
"Oh, that's lovely! I take it everything's going well, then?"
"You could say that," the elevator doors open and she follows him into his office, taking a seat across from him.
"How so?"
"I mean, she's healthy, and that's great."
"But?"
"Everything else is…complicated."
"In what way?"
She bites the inside of her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, forcing the words out, "I'm a surrogate for my sister."
"Right. Dr. Ashford mentioned that to the staff once or twice. Gestational surrogacy too, I believe," he smiles, "It's a very noble, albeit risky, thing to do for your loved ones."
"Yeah…"
"Is that why you wanted to speak to me?"
"Sort of. And I know it's kind of sudden but…I just…feel like I need to get some things off my chest, if that's okay."
"Of course it is."
"I'm…not really sure where to start."
"Let me ask you this: how is this surrogacy complicated for you?"
She freezes in her seat, each muscle of her body tense. Dr. Collins raises an eyebrow, leaning forward with his elbows propped on his desk.
"Kristina," she reluctantly meets his eyes, "this is a safe space, okay? Anything you tell me will be received without judgment, and it will not leave this office under any circumstance."
She feels a kick closer to the lower left side of her stomach, a hand instinctively over the area. She takes a shaky yet deep breath, sitting straight up in her chair, eyes bright with a firm sparkle.
"How is this surrogacy complicated for you?"
"I…agreed to have their baby."
"Right, that's how the process works-"
"No, I agreed to have their baby."
Dr. Collins pauses for a moment, eyebrows shooting up when it clicks for him, "...and you're having your own instead."
All she does is nod.
"I see," he rubs the underside of his chin, "I'm assuming you haven't told your family the truth?"
"I haven't."
"Do you plan to?"
"I want to."
"But?"
"Molly and TJ," she begins, "they really want to have a baby, and they've been through so much grief over it. I offered to help them, and I'm committed to it. It'll kill them to know that this baby isn't theirs, that I screwed up like I always do and robbed them of something so…important. I can't lose them; I just can't."
"So you're not going to tell them?"
"I…I have to, and at some point, I will."
"When?"
"...I don't know."
"If I may," Dr. Collins gestures out with his hands. She nods in response, "It isn't very wise to hold onto something like this. It's clear the guilt is eating away at you, and the longer you keep this quiet, the worse it'll be for you when everyone finds out."
"If I say something now, it'll cause so much heartache and stress-"
"And that's true, but it'll be better now than when your daughter's born."
She looks away, ashamed.
"What about the baby's father? Do you know who that is?"
"I do."
"Do you feel comfortable telling me his name?"
She finally meets his gaze, eyes puffy and red. A part of her feels sick as she says his name: "Dex Heller."
"Your father's employee," he answers, "He agreed to keep this all secret?"
Kristina doesn't respond, tears stinging the corners of her eyes. She ducks her head down, her hands in her lap.
"...He doesn't know, does he?"
Her voice cracks, "He doesn't."
"Why doesn't he?"
Silence.
"I'm going to ask you this question, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, okay?" she nods her head, "Do you love him?"
She sits in silence, ruminating on the question. She knows she likes the man, that she finds comfort and warmth in his presence and compassion. The idea that she loves him, or that she's in love with him, never crossed her mind before, but the more she considers it, the more she sees his toothy grin and ocean eyes in her head, the more she feels it creeping up on her.
"Kristina," Dr. Collins sighs gently, "you've dug yourself a pretty deep hole, and the only way you're going to get out of it is if you tell the truth."
"I don't want to hurt Molly or TJ or Dex-"
"But what about you?" Dr. Collins frowns, "Something tells me you're not completely on board with giving your daughter up. You're attached to her, as any expectant mother would be. Giving your sister what she wants is fine, but it shouldn't come at the cost of your well-being."
Tears tumble down her cheeks, a few drops falling onto her bottoms.
"You have a lot to think about, Kristina, and you need to decide if hurting yourself to make everyone happy is really worth it in the long-run."
He stands up, "I know you want to do the right thing, I know you want to be a good big sister, I know you want to give to those who can't provide, and I know you want to keep a good thing around. But all of that should not be to your detriment."
Kristina doesn't meet his eyes, slowly getting to her feet. She wipes her tears away as she exits Dr. Collins's office without saying a word. She steps onto the elevator, riding down to the lobby. Her face is only slightly red when she walks out, blood running cold when she sees the back of Dex's head. She moves with the speed of molasses, shakily making her way towards him, "Dex…?"
"Hm?" He turns around and looks up, immediately getting to his feet, "Hey!"
"Hey," she says meekly.
"Where were you?"
"I…had to take care of something," she rubs the back of her neck, "Um, where's Molly and TJ?"
"TJ had a shift and Molly went back to the DA's office. How did the ultrasound go?"
"It went well," she sucks her lips in for a brief moment, "It's a girl, a healthy baby girl."
"Oh," Dex softens, a warm grin on his face, "that's great news. Congrats, Kristina."
"Thanks."
His smile drops when he notices the puffiness in her face, "You okay?"
"Yeah, just…mood swings."
"Are you sure?"
She doesn't reply, tears falling down her face as she begins to break down. Dex swiftly walks around the corner of the lobby sofa, wrapping his arms around her. Her sobs are muffled as she buries her face in his chest.
"Krissy…" his voice is gentle as he sways from side to side, rocking her. He gently kisses the top of her head as she holds him tighter, her bump against his abdomen. He rubs her back as he feels the baby kick him a few times. He pulls away enough to look down, resting a hand on her stomach, "Hey, little one, it's okay. Everything's okay, I promise."
Her heart skips a beat as she watches him, his hand gently running over her bump. His coos melt her down to cinders, his hand on her cheek as he wipes some tears away with his thumb.
"Hey," he whispers to her, "let's go home, okay?"
She holds his hand in a vice-grip as they head to his SUV. The car ride is dead silent, and while Dex keeps his attention on the road, Kristina can't help but ruminate on her situation, and a part of her not only dreads the day the truth comes out, but who she ends up losing because of it, and all she can do is hope that day doesn't come soon.