A/N: This chapter was one of the harder ones to write, as it's the beginning of the funerals. Also, Brett finally makes an appearance in this chapter. She and Foster don't get a lot of focus in this story, as I found it easier to imagine how Boden, Gabby, and Mills would have reacted than the two paramedics for some reason, but Brett does get a few storylines.
"I love you, Matthew Casey. I will always love you, for as long as I live," Gabby whispered as she placed a kiss on Casey's forehead. The morning had come and it was time for her to head to the hotel to get ready for the long day ahead. She hated leaving Casey alone, but she had to be there to say goodbye to her friends. Herrmann, Otis, and Ritter's funerals were today, and while she wasn't sure yet if she'd be attending Ritter's funeral, she knew she'd never forgive herself if she didn't take the opportunity to say goodbye to the men who had been her friends, brothers, and business partners.
Boden looked in the mirror when he'd finished putting on his dress uniform. He barely recognized the man in his reflection. That man was broken, tired, grief-stricken, and ridden with guilt. The man he was just five days ago was gone now, and he wasn't sure he would ever be that man again.
"Wallace?" Donna called softly from the doorway. "We should get going."
Boden nodded, turning and grabbing his hat from the bed before following Donna out of the house. His wife had been a godsend over the past several days. From the moment she'd arrived at the hospital, she'd immediately stepped up and taken charge. When he'd called Gabby with the news but had been unable to speak, she'd taken over, breaking the news to her in the gentlest way possible. She'd also contacted Jennifer Severide, letting her know about her son, before contacting Casey's sister, Christie, to break the news to her.
Once Trudy had arrived at the hospital, Donna had held her friend while they waited for news about Mouch. It wasn't until then that they'd realized no one had contacted Cruz's girlfriend, Chloe, and she'd immediately stepped up to do so. When the young woman had arrived in a panic, Donna had held her while she cried, trying her best to comfort the young woman who was still so very new to this life. Later, once Brett had been discharged, she'd taken both paramedics back to Brett's place, where Foster assured Donna that she'd stay until Brett's parents arrived, ensuring she wouldn't be alone while the chaplain was fulfilling his obligations to the families of the fallen.
From there, Donna had immediately headed to Cindy's house. She'd sat with her, holding her while she cried, and had stayed with her until the children got home from school, holding Cindy's hand while she delivered the news to them that their father had died. She'd then gone to be with Ritter's family. She'd made her rounds of all the families that day, lending them her strength to get through the worst day of their lives.
In the following days, she had made airport runs, picking up Gabby and other friends and family members who were trickling into town, sat vigil at the hospital, set up a meal train for the Herrmanns and the other families, and had offered her strength to Boden, Gabby, Mills, and anyone else who needed it, all while battling her own grief. 51 was Boden's family, which meant that it was her family, too. His loss was her loss, and so his grief was her grief.
When they arrived at the church where Herrmann's funeral would be held, they walked hand in hand until they reached the church steps, where Boden froze, unable to take the first step up to the church where the body of one of his men, who was also one of his closest friends, laid in a casket at the front.
"How am I supposed to do this, Donna?" Boden asked, his voice rough with unshed tears. "Thirteen funerals. Possibly a fourteenth. And a memorial. How am I supposed to do this?"
Donna squeezed his hand, fighting back her own tears. She'd asked herself the same question multiple times over the past several days. "We'll get through it together, Wallace. Just like we have since the day we got married."
Donna had thought about their wedding day a lot over the past five days. The day that had started off with happiness and had ended with tragedy was at the front of her mind. They'd lost Shay that day, and that had been her first experience with what being a firefighter's wife truly meant. She'd experienced her first funeral for a fallen firefighter and, just as she was now, had supported Wallace through the grief and guilt that came along with losing one of those under his charge. It had seemed so difficult then, but compared to what they faced now, it seemed almost easy.
With a nod, Boden placed his foot on the first step to the church, and together they climbed the stairs and walked to the front of the church. The first pew was reserved for family, of course, but the second pew was reserved for Firehouse 51. Donna felt her heart break a little more at the thought of how empty the pew would be. It would be the two of them, Foster, and Brett and the chaplain. They were all that remained of the once-large firehouse family.
Gabby walked into the church, holding onto her brother's arm for support, not quite trusting her own legs. It still didn't seem real that Herrmann was gone. The man who had been like a father to her, whom she had spent many nights with at Molly's, who had offered her a place to live so she could foster Louie, who had been her mentor while she was on Truck, was gone. Cindy was left without her husband, and their children without their father.
"You okay?" Antonio asked quietly, feeling his sister's hand trembling on his arm as they approached the front of the church.
"I don't know that I'll ever be okay again," Gabby whispered. "They're gone, Antonio; they're all gone."
Antonio brought his other hand up to cover hers, squeezing it. There was nothing he could say that would make this better; he knew that. He couldn't imagine the pain she was going through. He'd lost Jules and Al and that had been hard enough, but he couldn't imagine the pain he'd feel if he lost the entire Intelligence team.
They started to slip into the pew behind Boden and Donna, but Donna stopped them, shaking her head. "You belong up here," she told them. "You're still part of this family."
Gabby offered her a sad smile as she sat down next to Donna, Antonio on her other side. "Thank you."
A few minutes later Mills arrived and was given the same direction. In Donna's mind, they would always be part of the 51 family, especially now that there were so few of them left. Besides, it's not like there wasn't room for them, after all.
Brett drew in a breath as she caught sight of the casket at the front of the church. Seeing it there, with Herrmann's picture on top, made everything so real. She'd know it was real, of course. She'd seen the bodies being carried out and, one by one, covered as it was confirmed they were dead. She saw that scene over and over again every time she closed her eyes. But now that she would have to say goodbye, she could no longer try to convince herself that it was just a bad dream.
As she and the chaplain approached the second row, a gasp escaped her as she saw Mills, Antonio, and Gabby seated next to Boden and Donna. She'd forbidden Kyle from talking about anything related to 51 over the past several days, and the only times he'd broken his promise not to talk about it had been when he'd broken the news to her about Cruz's death, then Mouch's, and finally Severide's.
"You came," Brett said tearfully as she sat down next to Mills.
"I couldn't stay away," Mills replied, hugging her gently, being cautious not to jostle her broken arm.
Gabby quickly switched spots with Antonio, reaching across Mills to grab Sylvie's hand, squeezing it. "Nothing on this earth could keep me from being here," she assured her former partner.
Brett nodded, tears already streaming down her cheeks. Once Kyle had informed her that a pew had been reserved for 51, she'd dreaded arriving at the church and sitting in a nearly empty pew that would just serve as a reminder of those they'd lost. But now, with two of her former partners sitting there, she felt relieved. They had lost so many, but Mills and Gabby's presence served as a reminder that they hadn't lost everyone. 51's family would continue to live on through her, Boden, and Foster, but also through Gabby and Mills.
Emily Foster stood outside the doors to the church, trying to convince herself to go in. She needed to be there, not only for her own sake, but for Brett's sake, and for Boden's. She couldn't ask them to say goodbye without her when they were the only three members of the firehouse remaining. Still, everything in her screamed to turn around, go back down the steps, get in her car, and drive away.
Finally, she made herself open the door and walk inside. When she reached the pew that had been reserved for 51, she was surprised to see that, rather than just four people, as she'd expected, there were seven. One of the faces she recognized from pictures she'd seen in Casey's office and on Brett's phone: Gabby Dawson. The other two, however, she didn't.
"You came," whispered Brett as Foster slipped into the pew.
"I wouldn't miss it," Foster replied. "Who are they?" she asked, nodding at the two men sitting on either side of Gabby.
"Peter Mills used to be a firefighter at 51; he was on Truck and Squad but was also my partner for a little while. And that's Gabby and her brother, Antonio," Brett informed her partner.
As the minutes passed, the church quickly began to fill up. There were many familiar faces: Drs. Hallstead, Manning, Choi, Rhodes, Sexton, and Reese, along with Maggie, April, and Mrs. Goodwin from Chicago Med and Sergeant Voight and his Intelligence team, who, to everyone's surprise, were accompanied by Trudy. There were also many former members of Firehouse 51: Jeff Clarke, Chili, Jimmy Borrelli, Jose Vargas, Rick Newhouse, Jason Kannell, and George Didrickson. The church was packed with firefighters, mainly from Chicago, but also from elsewhere in Illinois and the country.
The last to enter the church was the Herrmann family: Cindy was holding on to Lee Henry's arm as Luke, Anabelle, Max, and Kenny trailed behind. Cindy's eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, and similar signs of grief were present on the children's faces, as well.
Gabby was hit with a fresh wave of grief as she saw the Herrmanns walk into the church. As devastated as she was over the loss of Herrmann, she could only imagine what Cindy and the kids were going through. She'd been at the hospital since the day she'd arrived in town until now, afraid to leave for fear that Casey or one of the others would pass away while she was gone, so she hadn't had a chance to see Cindy until now despite desperately wanting to.
Chaplain Orlovsky made his way up to the podium on stage. He gazed out over the crowd for a few moments before beginning. "Today we have gathered to say goodbye to Lieutenant Christopher Herrmann. Christopher served this city for nearly forty years as a firefighter, and he will be missed by many. He died trying to save the lives of civilians and his fellow firefighters and will forever be remembered as a hero."