J

"Jennie, that guy sitting at the bar over there says he's from . . . Oh Jesus cripes . . ."

I instantly looked over at Hyunji, who was murderously glaring at the front door of the pub. From her reaction I fully expected to see Gary sauntering in. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Instant tightness gripped my chest and throat, causing my heart to thump and sending my natural fight-or-flight response into high gear. I couldn't form a rational thought while the adrenaline was coursing into my blood. Why in hell would he ever think to show up here?

I felt slightly lightheaded and dizzy as I watched him approach the bar, his head dipped low with humbled hesitance. Running into an ex is one of the most awkward things in life to endure, but this run-in was not accidental.

Unfortunately, sometimes the skeletal remains of past relationships don't stay buried forever.

Sometimes the dead inexplicably rise and manage to crawl their mangy asses out of the dark hole that you put them in. I felt sick to my stomach, seeing my past had come back to haunt me. I thought I had buried Mingyu deeper than that.

Part of me wanted to shout at him to stop and get the hell out of my bar, but as I took in his overall appearance and extremely forlorn look, a moment of compassion held my words back.

"Like we don't have enough crap to deal with around here," Hyunji said out loud. It had been a week since she stopped accepting Mike's calls and she was bitchy. "Either you tell him to leave or I will."

I quickly noticed that Mingyu was wearing the black button-down shirt that I had gotten him for Christmas several years ago underneath his well-worn motorcycle jacket, and casually untucked from his blue jeans. Did he wear it on purpose?

My fingers had opened those buttons before. My hands had sought out the hard chest beneath it.

Damn him.

As if I needed to be tortured some more, my eyes quickly skimmed over the bulge near his zipper. How I once used to crave that . . . him, voraciously. How he scorched his place in my soul, assuring that any man I dated would be measured against him.

I also noticed that the laces of his work boots were pulled apart and exposed; how silly that I used to find that so goddamned attractive, all those years I pined for him. I hated that something so simple as his looks was still able to pull an unwilling emotion of excitement out of me.

Mingyu's shaggy blond hair was tussled into casual disarray, giving him that delicious "I just crawled out of bed where I was naked and sinning" look. But instead of appearing cocky and ready for my icy greeting, his eyes were sorrowful, red. Pained?

He dropped his keys, his old black motorcycle helmet with the "Anarchy" sticker stuck on the back of it, and a pack of Marlboro Lites down on the bar.

"You can't smoke in here so you might want to try another bar," I grumbled at him as he climbed up on the seat in front of me.

His tongue was busy poking at his back molars while he gauged my reaction.

"It's nice to see you too, Jennie," Mingyu said in a low, gravelly voice, reaching into his pocket. He was almost apologetic and definitely not in the mood for a fight. His eyes quickly toggled between me and Hyunji. "Can I have a beer or should I expect to be tossed out to the curb?"

The low, red circles that rimmed his green eyes were definitely out of place on his face. Over the years, I had seen Mingyu at his best and at his worst, and he was definitely in a new state of low.

Something serious must have happened for him to gather up the nerve to come into my pub.

"I thought you quit smoking."

Mingyu leaned his elbows on the bar and used his index finger to point to the first cluster of beer taps.

"Yeah, I know," I said. "You want a Sam Adams." I pointed to the sign behind me that blatantly spelled out that "Management reserves the right to refuse service."

"And here I thought coming here might actually make me feel better. So much for that idea," he muttered.

If he was looking for some sympathy he came to the wrong place. I crossed my arms over my chest defiantly. "Wow. You're capable of identifying your feelings now? That's new."

My comeback made him wince. I had definitely hit a nerve. He wiped a hand over his dirty blond goatee, the very same one I used to nibble on. "Well played. I guess I deserved that." He nodded.

I hated being such a hardened bitch to him. It warred against all those other feelings of first love that still lingered behind. I glanced over at Hyunji, wondering if she was going to step in and let him have it as well. Oddly she kept her distance, but I still heard her faint laugh after I dropped that last zinger on him.

I tried to lessen my severity. "Mingyu, why are you here?"

I noticed that his right hand, the one still donning that stupid silver pinky ring with the tribal design on it, trembled when he finger-combed his hair back. The memory of that ring made me recall an intimate moment when I thought all my dreams had finally come true. Mingyu had just made love to me. We were in his first shitty apartment, which was above a souvenir shop near the boardwalk; his roommate was out at some club so we had the apartment to ourselves. He was holding me in his arms when he slipped that silver ring off his hand and put it on my finger. A "symbol," he had said.

Those haunting green eyes that used to make me do stupid things just to get them to look in my direction gazed up at me. "So is that a yes or a no on the beer?"

I quickly pulled myself together. "Do you think it's a smart move, drinking while riding? I thought you got rid of the Harley."

Mingyu shook his head. Those bad-boy lips curved up a little, but not much. "Why don't you throw in a free shot of Jack? Maybe I'll do you a favor and wrap it around a tree when I leave."

"Promise?"

As if he were looking for backup to fight my heartlessness, he glanced around the pub, only finding unfamiliar faces surrounding him. He let out a huff. "I see your hate for me still runs deep. You done throwing knives, because I'm just about all bled out today, sweetheart."

What the hell did he expect? He was my first love and the man who single-handedly shattered my heart into a trillion pieces. The scars that he made would stick with me until the day I die. I tried to be cold, indifferent. "You don't get to call me sweetheart anymore now. What do you want?"

Mingyu appeared ready to say something but resigned under some invisible weight that was weighing heavy on those shoulders. "Since compassion seems to be off the menu . . . one beer. Please."

Something was terribly wrong.

All those years of being madly in love with him crumbled my will as if it were made of tissue paper. I grabbed a mug and poured his favorite.

He slipped his fingers around the handle and took a long gulp. In two swallows, he had most of the glass emptied. "Thank you."

I crossed my arms, waiting.

"Look, I know I'm the last person you want to see, but honestly . . . I didn't know where else to go."

His hands wiped down his face to reveal very watery eyes and a grim expression set on his mouth.

Some of my iciness melted away and new concern clutched my heart.

"I came here to tell you that, ah, Mel . . ."

He couldn't finish. Tears I'd never seen him shed began to pool and it was hard for him to look at me.

"Melanie um . . ." His lips quivered and he sputtered, "died this morning."

Utter shock clapped hard on my chest, pressing down in a painful blast, as the memories of my old high school friend and her cheerful smile and bouncy red hair flowed over me.

Melanie was the third member of Hyunji's and my closely knit gang and the only one of us who managed to fully escape the boundaries of Seaport. She had joined the air force after graduation and had traveled to more countries than any of us could have ever imagined. She had settled in Germany for a few years and with time and distance it was hard to keep in touch. But it was because of our friendship that began back in seventh grade that I started my secret crush on her gorgeous older brother.

"What happened?" It was hard to form the words around the burn in my throat.

Mingyu was overcome with emotion. Seeing him so distraught like this was hard to take. He was always so overprotective of his little sister, threatening all the boys who came sniffing around after her with certain death if they hurt her. Mel had a magical aura around her that was so infectious you couldn't help but want to be in her constant company. This magic certainly did a number on a few boys and their precious egos. Back in those days, Mingyu had his work cut out for him.

"She um . . ." He struggled to speak. "She got cancer. It spread all over into her lungs and shit. She asked me to um, get word to ya when she was saying goodbye to people."

Mingyu quickly sprang from his seat as the first tear escaped his faltering hold, dripping down over the curve of his cheek. He hurried for the men's room.

Hyunji grabbed my arm as I tried to rush past her. "What the hell is going on?"

"He just told me Melanie died this morning."

Hyunji's angered face fell and she gasped, releasing the grip she had on my forearm. "Oh God, no."

Wasting no time, I hurried after Mingyu, snagging his leather jacket, redirecting him into the empty kitchen. I needed him to tell me what happened.

Before I knew it, Mingyu pulled me into his arms, wrapping them around me tightly in a hold of desperate need. His fingers knotted into my shirt. I knew it was killing him to show this much weakness, breaking that impenetrable façade he wore for all the world to see. Sometimes I think that this was the true reason he broke up with me so many times. I was the only girl who could break past that façade and it scared him to death.

As much as it repulsed me to allow my first love this close to me after how deeply he had devastated me, the need to comfort him wiped my hatred away.

I breathed in his familiar scent of leather and spice and skin, causing thousands of memories to surge into my consciousness. There were times I would have killed to have his love, to have him show me the tenderness and raw emotion that I knew he was capable of. But he always held back—always kept me at a safe distance. But now, at this moment, all of his guards were down and he was sobbing uncontrollably in my arms.

"It'll be okay," I said, even though my silly words were nothing more than a reflexive attempt to console him. Things would never be okay for him, his family, or for any of us who loved Melanie. Death is final.

"I thought she was getting better," he whispered in a higher-pitched tone of pain. "Oh, Mel . . ." His fingers clawed into my shirt.

I let him release his pain for a few minutes before whispering, "Tell me what happened."

Mingyu rested his forehead on my collarbone and sniffed. One of his arms released me so he could wipe his eyes, but the other remained firmly locked around my waist. I tried to put some space between us, but as quickly as I tried, he pulled me back to his chest.

"She gasped for fucking air for twelve hours. I'll never get that sound out of my head. Oh God. Why?"

His entire body trembled. "I'm so sorry I hurt you, Jennie. God, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay."

His lips were awfully close to my neck. I could feel his breath on my skin. "No. It's not okay. And now it's too late. It's all too late. I should have never done what I did to you."

In that moment, I found forgiveness. Life is too short to hold such a monumental grudge.

"What the hell?" Tammy exclaimed when she came through the kitchen door, giving me the evil eye over the top of her sunglasses as she assessed our embrace. "Am I interrupting something?"

I quickly put some space between Mingyu and me, not wanting her to get the wrong idea.

"Tammy, you remember Mingyu," I started.

"Uh huh," she said with a reproachful tone.

"Woman, where did you put the Aspinall catering slip?" Fred stopped short, not believing what he was seeing. "Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?" he growled, stepping up to us.

I put my hand on Fred's chest to stop him and Mingyu from squaring off. Fred had size but Mingyu had years of practice; besides, Mingyu was emotional. I knew Mingyu would much rather pound the shit out of something than cry about it.

"Easy, Fred. Stop."

"What is he doing here, Jennie? You finally have a good thing with Lisa and you need to fuck it up? For this piece of shit?"

"Fuck you, Herman," Mingyu bristled and growled, wiping the remains of his tears away. "Don't start shit you can't back up."

"No. Fuck you, Sager. You've got some fucking brass balls coming here. Don't you think you've caused enough damage?"

"Stop it! Both of you." I turned to Fred. "He came here to tell us that Mel . . ." Her name caught with a hitch in my throat. "Melanie passed away this morning, all right?"

Fred's angered death glare at Mingyu instantly fell as he took in my words. "Mel?"

I nodded, trying to hold it together. It'd been a long time since I'd seen her but the tragic news of her passing cut fresh and deep. Hyunji slipped in and put an arm around me, noticeably pulling me away from Mingyu. I'd thank her later for that.

Mingyu covered his eyes with both hands and let out a sigh.

"Oh God." Fred hunched over as if he'd been punched in the gut. His unrequited feelings for Mel had messed him up for years. Tammy tried to touch him but he flinched. "What happened?"

"Cancer ate her, asshole."

I let that one slide. We were all sporting fresh pain.

Fred glared right at him. "Dude, for what it's worth. Sorry for your loss."

Mingyu nodded. "Jennie, can I talk to you?"

Hyunji tugged me by the shoulders, walking me toward the kitchen doors. "I think we could all use a drink."

Mingyu followed me out into the pub and grabbed his stuff off the bar, finding an empty booth.

I tapped two small glasses of beer and joined him. Last thing his mother needed was to lose her only other child to a drunken motorcycle accident.

"Thanks for the short," Mingyu said as he spied the small glass with disdain, taking a sip anyway.

I wanted him to get this over with. Seeing him again was tearing me up inside. "You're planning on riding that death trap you call a bike. Just looking out for your well-being."

The edge of his lip turned up slightly. "I recall you used to beg me to be on the back of my bike."

"Yeah, well. I didn't know any better."

"Ouch."

"Look, your mom doesn't need another tragedy today."

I saw him wince. "Mom's not taking this well. They actually had to give her something to calm her down."

I felt bad for his mom. Mrs. Sager always treated me well, siding with me most of the time.

"If she can't pull it together, would you consider going with me to the funeral home? I'm going to lose it if I have to pick out her fucking casket by myself."

Why me? My caretaker gene immediately wanted to say yes but I stamped it out—quickly. "That's something her family should do, Mingyu. I know your aunt Betty would help out."

He gave me that innocent, tilted-head look that used to melt my resolve. "So is that a no?"

"As much as I want to help, I can't. Sorry. That's a no."

He nodded at the tabletop. "I really fucked up with you, didn't I?"

I crossed my arms. "Yes, you did."

He sort of shrugged and the gesture instantly angered me. "I hear you've been in the news. Dating some famous celebrity now?" He motioned toward my ring. "Rich, too, can afford that kind of ice. Good for you. You deserve to be happy."

I nodded at him.

"Not gonna lie," he said. "Right now, I'm wishing you were with me."

I felt that like a physical blow. It was at that moment when I realized I was glad it wasn't. Everything shifted one degree, significantly enough to make me realize that the broken man sitting before me was not worthy of my heart. Still, it angered me.

"You say that now? Don't say that stuff to me. Not now. I gave you my heart time after time. I said yes to you when you asked me. You were all I ever wanted. But you're the one who fucked some girl in our bed. It doesn't get any worse than that."

"I was mad at you that morning," he admitted.

I tilted the small glass in my hand, toying with the idea of tossing its contents in his face. "You cheated on me with Cheryl Regan because you were mad at me?"

He nodded. "Sounds stupid now, but at the time it felt justified."

I noticed Mingyu's glare at Fred. "Justified?" The notion that I was ever head over heels in love with this idiot felt so preposterous now. "Because I had to do a favor for Fred you felt justified to bed that stripper whore on my pillow?"

"Every time he called, you ran. How do you think that made me feel?"

"He's my friend! That's what you do for the people you care about."

My cell rang, playing Lisa's song. Mingyu tossed his hands up in angered disbelief when I pulled my attention away from him to answer it.

"Hey babe," I said somberly, sickened by Mingyu's disclosure.

"Hey, hon, what are you up to?" she asked. Her rather nonchalant tone reeked of suspicion. A tingle ran up my spine. I don't know how she knew but she knew.

I swallowed hard, knowing I had two ways to answer. I glanced at the one I once adored sitting across from me while the one who held my heart and soul as if they were precious jewels was pressed to my ear. I opted for full disclosure.

"I am sitting at a booth in the pub, having a beer with my ex, Mingyu. Before you let that upset you, please know that he's just told me terrible news. His sister passed away this morning. He's almost finished with his beer and although I am greatly saddened by his loss and I'm very upset that one of my best friends lost her life to cancer, I imagine he'll be leaving shortly."

Lisa sighed as if she were holding her breath, sounding relieved. "Thank you for telling me. I love you."

Her breathy declaration seemed slightly off.

"I love you more."

Mingyu rolled his eyes at me.

Lisa snickered once in my ear. "I know. I'm sorry about your friend, sweetheart. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay. Good. Now put the asshole on the phone."

I handed it over. "My fiancé would like to speak to you."

Mingyu pursed his lips, reluctant to take the phone. He finally put my cell to his ear and said, "Yeah?"

Mingyu smiled that sinister, toothy smile I'd also seen a thousand times. "Those are awfully big threats from someone who's not able to back up her mouth."

His eyes darted over toward the bar, where an older man with a high and tight military haircut had been sitting since we'd opened. The man tucked his phone in his pocket, got up from his seat, and walked straight over to us.

Mingyu leaned onto the table, wearing his cocky smile as he eyed the guy's full height. "Yes, I'm meeting your goon right now as a matter of fact. It's Jennie's bar and she hasn't kicked me out yet, so I guess I'll leave when I'm done. Uh huh. Is that so? Yeah, I'd like that. We can swap notes. I see. Well, I'd love to chat some more but your goon is getting antsy. Yeah, fuck you, too."

Mingyu tossed the phone over to me, chugged the rest of his beer, and stood. "You may want to tell her to wait on that restraining order until after the funeral. Just a suggestion as I'm presuming you'd want to be there when my sister gets buried."

He leaned onto the table, getting awfully close to my face. "I may have done some things that I regret but I never tried to control you like that asshole is. You might want to rethink the whole marrying a control freak thing. Guys who can't control end up being wife-beaters."

Whoever the intimidating guy was with the military haircut, it was obvious that he was getting impatient. Mingyu didn't move, only glaring over his shoulder at him. "Touch me and I'll bust your fucking hand."

When he returned his attention to me, I looked into his eyes, trying to find any semblance of the guy I once loved. His walls were up again and I was slammed out. This was the base truth about him. No one would ever truly have him for he was unwilling to let anything make him that vulnerable.

Lisa placed her heart in my care every chance she had.

Now that my rose-colored glasses were off, everything was crystal clear. I looked Mingyu right in the eye and said, "I'm sorry for your loss."

His eyes scanned my face one more time, giving me that crooked, sad smile of his. I had no doubt he'd be so drunk later, he'd sleep where he fell.

"Despite what you think," he said, "I did love you."

"Fucking a whore in our bed was a funny way of showing it."

"You're right. And I live with that mistake. See ya round, Jennie."

I took a deep breath as I watched him leave, relishing the fact that he no longer held my heart.

As for the new military man in my life standing a few feet away, Lisa had some explaining to do. With slightly shaky hands, I quickly texted her.

"You have something you forgot to tell me?"

My phone rang twenty seconds later.

"Is he gone?"

I finished my drink. "Yeah, he just left. You pissed him off."

"Good. He better not make a habit of coming around."

"I love it when you get jealous. Makes me feel wanted."

"I'm serious, Jennie. He even stops in for a beer I want to know about it."

"I'm not going to run off with him. You don't need to worry. So when were you planning on telling me I am under surveillance?"

"You're not under surveillance, hon. We hired private security to keep an eye on things since we're not there. But we're coming home next Friday. I have four days off."

Hearing that made my day. "You're coming home?"

"Yep. We'll be in around two. I really hate that you're not with me. I can't sleep without you."

"I can't sleep, either. I'm so used to feeling you next to me . . . Thanks for hiring someone."

"Mike and I are splitting it."

My head spun. "Why is Mike paying for my security?"

"He's not. Security is for the both of you. Mike is worried about Gary. Apparently his security background check revealed that Gary owns a lot of guns."

"He does, but . . ." The thought of Gary attempting to harm Hyunji was infuriating. "Hang on. I want to go upstairs." I slipped out of the booth and grabbed Mingyu's empty glass. Hyunji was behind the bar just a few feet away. I ducked into the kitchen, walking past quizzical looks from Fred and Tammy, and hit the apartment steps to continue my private conversation with Lisa. "I don't understand. Why does Mike care? Hyunji's not even speaking to him."

"Yeah, Mike said she's avoiding him but he's planning on fixing that. Listen, you have to talk to her. I know things looked bad but it's nothing like it appeared and now that those pictures were published he's pissed-off and miserable."

"What do you mean things aren't what they appeared to be?"

My mouth hung open as she told me the rest of what Mike was really up to.

As soon as we ended our call, I ran down the steps and grabbed Hyunji.