J

"I hate funerals," Hyunji said softly as we drove away from the cemetery.

My heart was aching; the sight of seeing a casket tethered above a gaping hole brought back too many bad memories.

Seeing Mingyu looking so wiped out was painful.

Just seeing him a few days ago was enough to make me replay every word we'd exchanged, each fond memory I had of him—everything. I hated him for making me reminisce.

Hyunji stuffed a tissue in her purse. "I can't believe she's gone. I didn't even know she came home."

"I know. I'm glad they didn't put her on display. Melanie would not have wanted that."

"No," Hyunji agreed, wiping her nose again. "She would have bitched to high heaven if her family did that to her." I saw her look over at me. "How are you doing?"

I met her eyes. "I'm okay."

"Spending some time on Memory Lane?"

Hyunji knew me so well. "Kind of hard not to."

"Well, snap out of it. Lisa doesn't need to see that deep-in-thought pouty look."

I eyed her speculatively. "You may want to take your own advice there, missy. You still have to deal with Mike."

She grinned to herself. "I know."

"So, did you forgive him?"

"Yeah." Hyunji nodded. "He told me that she had some personal matters with an ex who was harassing her. He didn't go into details but I believe him."

"Good."

She twisted her hands nervously. "I just don't know if getting involved with someone is wise right now, you know? I spazzed over a stupid magazine cover."

I knew exactly how she felt. "Scary stuff when you see your man on those covers, isn't it?"

She groaned and I could tell just from her expression that she finally could relate.

"I understand," I said. "Believe me. Mingyu's cheating made me question every man's motives. That kind of betrayal sticks with you forever. All I can say is follow your heart."

"Or my vagina," she said with a laugh.

I smiled at her.

"Speaking of confusion, where are you heading?" she asked.

"I brought all of those keys. Thought since we were over this way we could stop at the bank before the guys land."

After arriving at the bank, we sat in the lobby, waiting for the next customer service person to help us.

Hyunji tapped me on the thigh, noticing that the woman approaching us was smiling like a fangirl at me. I let her gush for a minute about how wonderful Lisa Manoban is before getting down to business.

The customer service clerk helped sort through the random baggie of keys, narrowing them down to a handful that might get me into Lockbox 291. Hyunji and I had found forty random keys when we searched; unfortunately none blatantly screamed "safe deposit box." "Last key," I said, trying the last one, small and made of brass. I almost felt giddy when it slipped in and turned.

We pulled the inner black metal case out and she set it on a table, leaving to give me privacy.

Hyunji raised her eyebrows, waiting in anticipation.

I pulled the top lid back, spying several stacks of letters rubber-banded together. The rubber was so old it crumbled around the envelopes.

I flipped through them, seeing that all of them were addressed to me from Private Joseph Malone. Who the hell is Joseph Malone?

"What is all of that?" Hyunji asked. "Who are they from?"

"I'm not sure." I opened up one of the letters, scanning writing I'd never seen before. There was also a twenty-dollar bill inside the envelope.

Dear Jennie,

I hope you had a fun birthday. Five years old now! I can't believe how much you've grown. I promise when I come home I'll take you to the toy store so you can pick out a new Barbie doll. I remember how much you liked playing with them. I'm at a place called Fort Gordon now. It's in Georgia. You'll be happy to know that they painted me green just like you said they would. I'm a real army soldier now. It's really hot here. I'm learning how to do all sorts of crazy things, like crawl through the mud and climb over tall obstacles. I'm a good climber. I hate crawling in the mud. I think you'd find the mud yucky, too.

I have another six weeks to go and then I might go over the big ocean in a huge airplane. I hope your daddy will use the money I put in the envelope to buy you a new dolly for me until I can see you again. Be a good girl like I know you are.

Love you forever,

Joe

"Who's Joseph Malone?"

My hands shook. I felt a trickle of sweat slide down my spine, or maybe that was just my nerves. "The only Malone I know is my aunt Joan. That's her married name." I dug through the piles, feeling nauseous.

There had to be thirty or forty letters from him addressed to me from all around the globe. Was my father protecting me from a stalker?

At the very bottom of the pile was a thick white envelope with the word Original written in blue ink. I swallowed hard.

As soon as I opened up the folded papers, I felt a warm rush of panic roll throughout my entire body.

"Oh my God. No. No."

I couldn't get to the garbage can in the corner fast enough before I threw up the entire contents of my stomach.

"Oh no. Oh, Jennie," I heard Hyunji say as I retched into the steel can.

--

I faintly remember Hyunji driving us home.

I sat at one of the booths in the pub, reading letters about Joe's army life, his travels to the Persian Gulf, trying to piece it all together while Hyunji hovered.

We had an hour before we'd open the pub and a band was scheduled to play, but I couldn't stop the tears. I wasn't even sure what I was crying about anymore. My entire world—everything I'd ever known—had been turned inside out, where truth and lies and real and alternate insane realities had reversed.

I didn't even know who I was anymore. Of all the things to find in a lockbox, this was something I wouldn't have ever guessed. It was all so overwhelming to process.

I was in a state of shock when Lisa and Mike arrived. I saw Hyunji run for the kitchen door.

The moment I saw Lisa standing a few feet away, calling to me, I lost it, hurling my body at her and clinging to her like a lost soul in need.

"Oh baby. Everything will be okay. I've got you. Shhh . . ." she let me cry for what felt like ages, rubbing my back and soothing me with comforting words.

"Come on. Let's get out of here. Let's go get some air." She put her arm around my shoulders and walked me slowly, patiently, to the beach.

The breeze coming off the ocean tossed our hair and tinged my nose with the familiar salty air. We walked for a while before she sat us down on the hardened sand. She put me between her legs, gently combing my hair back.

"Whatever names are on that paper doesn't change who you are."

New tears streamed down my face. I felt empty and twisted inside. "But it does. It changes everything. Everything I thought was real isn't."

Lisa shook her head, cocooning me with her body. "You can't look at it like that, hon. The people who raised you are your parents. They loved you. Just because someone else gave birth to you doesn't change who you are."

Nothing would ever be the same. "My entire life has been a lie."

"No, it hasn't."

I wiped my cheeks with my sleeve. "I don't know why I'm so surprised. I always knew I didn't look like either one of them. Eyes, nose . . . I used to stare at my face for hours trying to find a piece of them in me."

I snuggled into her shoulder, feeling the chill off the ocean mix with the chill ripping though my body.

My face felt sticky from crying. The waves rolled in, misting the air, mimicking the push and pull of my own emotions.

As I watched the gulls fly and land, guilt crashed over me. "I can't believe this. I'm sure everyone knew except me. Well, I guess this explains why my mother and her sister stopped talking to each other. Now I know that I was the cause of that fallout."

Lisa rested her chin on my head. "Don't start blaming yourself. They were adults who made their own paths. You had no influence over that."

I took the paper out of my pocket, showing Lisa my original birth certificate. I left the official adoption papers back at my apartment with all of the letters. "According to the papers, my birth parents were both sixteen when I was born." I wiped my face and blew out a cleansing breath, trying to pull myself together. "I remember my mom telling me that the reason I was an only child was that because I was so special, she only needed one. It's always bothered me why I didn't look like either of them."

Lisa sighed and squeezed me with her arms. "Your mom and dad did a fantastic job caring for you. There are plenty of people out there who are unfit parents. You said it yourself; they were just kids, Jen. Probably scared shitless."

"Joe went into the army after he got his GED. I was three or four, I guess. Sent me money in every letter, trying to do right by me. I just feel like I have so many questions now."

She pulled me in tight. "You do what you have to to resolve this but remember, the people who raised you are your mom and dad."

"They should have told me."

Her eyes narrowed, almost reprimanding me. "Why? What would you have gained from that knowledge?"

"I never had a chance to get to know the people who brought me into this world. I really think my cousin Joe wanted to know me. My parents kept that all from me."

Lisa swiped a thumb across my cheek, wiping away a tear. "Maybe they had their reasons. Look, I know you feel torn up. Anyone would. But your family kept you in the family. They are still all related to you by blood. I've seen pictures of you growing up and I can tell you that those two people who raised you adored you."

As we walked back to the pub, I made the decision to find out what those reasons were.

I knew making this phone call would be difficult. My heart clenched when she answered the phone.

"Hi, Aunt Joan. It's Jennie." I was greeted with silence and for a moment I thought I'd need to tell her who I was again.

I heard her breath hitch and then she stuttered. "Jennie?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Oh. Sorry, I'm a bit shocked. I never thought you'd call."

There was no sense stalling. "I found a copy of my birth certificate, the original one."

She gasped. "The original? You . . . you know?"

"Not everything. I do know that you're my grandmother."

She didn't try to hide her tears, breaking down audibly in my ear. A few tears of my own dripped. Lisa walked by, pausing to kiss my forehead and drop off a box of tissues before giving me privacy again. I knew she was just around the corner listening. It gave me comfort to know that she was only a breath away.

My voice cracked. "Can I see you sometime?"

"Oh, sweetheart. I would love that."

"Me, too. Can you tell me where my birth parents are?"

I let her cry for a few minutes. I knew this was hard on everyone. "I wanted to keep you," she said ruefully. "Joey—he was just a kid—and my husband, Paul, had lost his job. Things were . . . this would not have been a good place for you. I . . . I need you to know that."

I chewed on my thumbnail, holding my emotions in. "Why did you stop talking to my mom? You were sisters. You, you didn't even come to her funeral. Was that because of me?"

"Oh, no, dear. Your mother and I . . . Things were strained between us before you were born. Please don't . . . please don't think that."

I wiped my cheek, sensing she was lying. "Where are my birth parents?"

She sighed. "Joe has a family of his own now. He's in California. Lake Tahoe."

I found my head bobbing with understanding from her subtle tone, to let it be. "It's been . . . It's been a long time. I suppose he doesn't need his skeletons to rise."

She hemmed. "He has a lovely wife and two young girls. I'm worried it might be a shock for him. I'm not sure his wife knows he fathered a child at sixteen. It might not be something he wants to divulge."

I swallowed back the tinge of rejection. "Okay. What about my birth mother? Kelcie Tremont?"

Aunt Joan sniffed. "Jennie, she, um . . . there was a car accident. She and Joey and you . . . It wasn't his fault. Her parents had kicked her out of the house when she got pregnant and then they blamed him after the accident. You were barely six months old when it happened."

It felt like a hot knife slid right into my heart. I had four parents who were all dead to me. How cruel is that?

"You look just like her. Just so you know. But you have Joey's brown eyes."

My lip trembled as I held back a sob. "Um, well, if . . . if you talk to Joe can you please tell him that I know and I'd really like to get to know him? He can decide if he . . . if he wants to contact me. All this time I didn't even get to know him as a cousin."

Lisa stood behind me, placing comforting hands on my shoulders.

"I'll tell him but I can't make any promises. Your father, Dan, was very cruel to him, Jennie, cutting Joe off from all contact with you, even claiming that Joe was mentally unstable when he returned from the Gulf."

"Was he?"

"Oh no. He had some post-traumatic stress but fortunately he wasn't injured."

"If you talk to him, can you please also tell him that I have all of his letters that he sent? I started reading them but it's . . . it's a lot right now. But I want him to know that I will read every one."

"Oh, okay. I will."

I gave her my cell number. "I'm going to be getting married soon. My fiancé and I haven't really discussed the details yet but I'm . . . I'm very happy. She treats me like gold."

Lisa kissed the top of my head.

"So it's true?" she asked with renewed enthusiasm. "You and that famous young actor are engaged?"

I nodded, looking up into Lisa's eyes. "Yes. And I'm madly in love with her."

She kissed my hand and smiled.

"She ran into Kim's Pub one afternoon avoiding an onslaught of fans and now—now she's mine."

Somehow just saying those words out loud to someone in my family made everything gel into place.

Those eyes, that devastatingly beautiful smile, even with her crazy hair sticking up—*he was all mine.

--

"Hey man! Good to see you!" Asahi said exuberantly, shaking Lisa's hand when we went down to the pub. I had to distract myself from the trauma of the day, and sitting in the apartment going slowly mad was not healthy.

I watched our new bartender/waitress, Kara, comfortably handle the crowd. She seemed like a really good fit. Asahi's roommate, Trevor, was carding people at the door. It was weird having people I barely knew working for me.

Lisa yanked her Kim's Pub ball cap down on her brow and slipped onto a stool next to Mike, who was watching Hyunji as if someone might try to steal her.

"You still hear from Lia?" Lisa asked Asahi.

He opened a beer for Lisa. "Nah. She's filming in Australia right now. We tried to hook up a few times but I can't afford to fly around the globe while she's doing her thing. She knows where I am if she changes her mind."

I stepped behind the bar, hoping to feel as if I belonged there. I needed to belong somewhere. I tried to wait on a customer but Asahi nudged me out of the way. Then I started to mix a drink but Hyunji told me she had it.

I stood next to Lisa, slightly dumbfounded. It was hard not to let the sadness of the day creep back in.

Not only was I questioning everything I'd been brought up to believe was true about my life, but now the only place that had marked my identity didn't need me anymore.

"You okay?" Lisa asked, concerned. She twisted around so I was between her thighs.

I shrugged, trying to spare her the depth of my sadness. I put a smile on my face instead. "I guess they don't really need me to help." I watched Hyunji and Asahi taking care of customers, keeping the flow going.

The new waitress, Kara, was mixing drinks and tapping beer as well as hustling around waiting on customers. I truly wasn't needed behind the bar at Kim's Pub. Is it possible to be kicked out of your own life?

"Jennie, want to sit?" Mike asked, offering up his chair.

"No thanks. You just stay there." I felt safe with Lisa wrapped around me. Mike was gazing at Hyunji, completely enraptured. "So I take it you and Hyunji made up?"

A sly grin appeared on his face and he nodded. "I took Lisa's advice."

I raised a brow, glad for the distraction. "And that was?"

Lisa laughed.

"Shut her up quick by kissing her before she has an opportunity to yell at me."

I laughed. "And did it work?"

Hyunji glanced over and smiled devilishly.

"I sure as hell hope so," Mike said with a chuckle.

Of course I had to find an excuse to get behind the bar and drill her for answers.

"So, did you do him?" I asked her privately, wondering if she took advantage of time and space when Lisa took me to the beach. I pretended to be occupied while watching the fangirls go berserk when they realized Lisa Manoban was sitting at the bar.

Hyunji twisted a cap off a bottle. She looked so damn guilty it was pathetic. "Not quite." She shouldered past me, only to mutter on her return, "but I know where he's sleeping tonight."

The fangirl thing was amusing, watching them practically faint in Lisa's presence. Lisa signed a few autographs and posed for a few quick cell phone pictures, but once she allowed it, it was like the floodgates opened up. Girls started lining up. Fred had just arrived and was sort of body-blocking Lisa while she sat at the bar, but a few of the brave ones still tried to get to her.

Lisa pushed her chair back enough to slip her arm around me when I came out from behind the bar to run defense. It felt strange hanging out like a patron while we listened to the band jamming on my small stage. Lisa and Fred were talking about ridiculously expensive sports cars when I noticed a familiar dirty-blonde slide her way to the bar a few feet away. Had Fred been at the door, he would not have gotten in.

My shoulders tensed, angry that I had to deal with more crap.

With a swipe of her arm Hyunji halted Asahi from serving him. Mike was already on alert, sitting up, ready to push off the bar in a split second if necessary.

Lisa took notice. "What's up?"

"Dunno," Mike murmured, never taking his eyes off the situation.

I moved out from Lisa's protective grasp when Mingyu started to walk over toward us hesitantly, like a little boy about to get scolded.

"Hey," he said, looking so damn sullen. "Came to see how you're doing."

"I'm okay. How are you?"

I didn't need to hear Mingyu's reply to know exactly how bad he was doing. His lips and eyes scrunched together in tormented pain. It killed me to see him this way. "I can't get the sounds and images out of my head. I don't know what to do." He straightened when Fred sidled up. Mingyu held out a hand in warning. "Don't start with me, Herman. I'm not in the mood."

Lisa's chest pressed into my back. Her left forearm slid across my chest, her hand reaching the cap of my shoulder. I envisioned being spun and relocated out of her way quickly. Mike was at Lisa's side in an instant.

Mingyu twisted his frown into a look of loathing. Lisa had no idea that her grasp on me was a direct challenge to Mingyu.

"Ah, the control freak movie star," Mingyu said with a sinister smile, focusing his eyes on Lisa's protective hold on me.

"Ah, the cheating ex," Lisa retorted, grasping me tighter. "Whatcha need?"

Mingyu rolled his head on his neck. "Lost my sister, dude. Came to see how her friends were holding up."

I gave them all a glare of warning. "Okay, enough. Before any of you get any bright ideas, this crap is not going down in my pub. You need to talk? We'll all talk in the kitchen. You want to have a beer? Find a place to sit down."

Lisa drew in an audible breath through her nose that meant I don't fucking think so.

"Sorry for your loss, but I can tell you that I'm taking care of what's mine, so you don't need to worry about Jennie. And I know my man Mike here has Hyunji covered. I can appreciate your concern but it's not your place anymore. So what else do you need here?"

Mingyu grinned, welcoming the challenge like it was his birthday and he was getting just what he'd wished for. "She your spokesman now?" he asked me, pushing the situation. "I recall when you were with me you had your own opinions on everything."

I stepped into his path, fully aware of his habit of turning his sadness into a fight. Fine. If it was a fight he was looking for to ease his misery, I'd finally deliver. "That's because you left me to fend for myself all the time, not caring about my welfare." Something over his shoulder caught my eye. That's when I saw the first cell phone pointed our way. I turned back to Lisa, privately saying, "People are starting to take pictures of this."

She ducked down and whispered in my ear. "Get rid of him—now—or I will." She glared at Mingyu. "I think it's time you leave. There's nothing here for you, man."

Mingyu's anger became evident. His hands balling into fists didn't go unnoticed, either. I knew he had come to talk to me and all he was getting was shit from guys he didn't know.

Lisa moved me to her side so I was out of the way. Mike instantly took a step forward. Lisa's eyes never left Mingyu. "You feel the need to take a swing at me, do it. We can throw down if it makes you feel like a man."

"Cocky son of a bitch," Mingyu spat out with disdain, smirking as if what Lisa had just said was funny. I'd seen him act like this before and I knew exactly how it would end.

Lisa stood her ground. "Whatever. I've taken and given plenty of punches. But I won't be the one going to jail for aggravated assault tonight, I can tell you that."

"Enough. Both of you," I warned.

Mingyu smirked again, ignoring me. "She'll get tired of you controlling her eventually. And when she does, I'll be right here to pick it all back up. You see, you may have this now, but I still have a part of her that you'll never have. Even now, I know I still get to her." Mingyu leaned in closer. "And when you're fucking her, know she'll always be comparing you to me."

Lisa's body stiffened and I snapped, stepping back in between them before Lisa reacted to his taunt.

"Knock it off. You know, for a second, I pitied you. Now you're just being an asshole. Get out of my pub.

Now!"

Mike moved in front of Lisa, squaring off to Mingyu when it looked like he wasn't planning to leave.

"Enough, dude."

"Who the fuck are you?" Mingyu sneered.

"Insurance," Mike answered calmly.

"What are you going to do? Hit me?"

Mike was casual but oh so threatening. "If I have to. It's my job to shut you down before you do something extremely stupid."

Mingyu looked at me. "Is he kidding?"

I knew Mingyu knew how to fight but Mike had hand-to-hand combat training. There was no doubt who'd be the victor. "I've had people threaten to hurt me, Mingyu. I suggest you don't irritate my bodyguard."

He gaped at me. "You have a bodyguard? Wow. You serious? Why?"

"Because I have what a lot of others wish they had."

Lisa shifted slightly, silently acknowledging my words.

Mingyu scoffed at me. "You'd risk your life for her?"

"Absolutely. There are always risks when you love someone."

Lisa's chin tipped up a bit more, standing taller and more forbidding. She had my heart and I had her and there was no confusion there. I also had her back, knowing I would go after Mingyu myself before I allowed him to get one step closer to Lisa.

"Huh. Well, when you get tired of all the people snapping your picture and shit, give me a call. Unless you've turned into a spoiled gold-digger, too . . ."

I was so livid, I shoved myself in front of Mike.

I felt Lisa's arm cinch around my waist, moving me to her side and out of the way in one easy sweep.

"Get out!" I ordered around Lisa's lunging body as Fred and Mike blocked her from making contact.

Lisa was spewing threats dotted with profanity while Fred body-blocked Mingyu. As soon as Mingyu turned toward the door, Lisa hauled me toward the kitchen and right up the stairs.

I wanted to rant, scream, throw stuff, maybe even throw up, but instead I watched Lisa to see what she was going to do.

"Where are your car keys?" she asked in a furious rush.

I pointed a shaky hand toward the key hook. She shoved them in her jeans pocket and then grasped me by my upper arms.

"Babe, focus. Help me pack an overnight bag for you. We're getting out of here."

"Where?" I asked in a daze, feeling as if I'd been peeled apart and slammed back together. I could barely stand, my legs felt so numb. My real birth certificate . . . lies . . . Mingyu . . . Lisa riled. It was all too much. Too much.

She tossed her bag near the door and took me by the hand. "I don't know, but we'll know when we get there. We just need to go. Change of scenery."

She tapped on her phone while fetching my small overnight bag from the shelf in the closet. "Andrea, hey, Lisa Manoban. I need a private, restful hotel off the radar within two hours of my home base in Rhode Island."