J

"Whoever you called to book this needs a raise."

Lisa opened the French doors to the private deck to let some fresh air in, stretching as she stepped toward the railing. We could see a few boats out on the water their lights illuminating the darkness.

We ended up in Newport at a breathtaking inn on the coast. I could feel the stress lift as we were guided to an adorable private cottage decorated in soft hues with a wide, wooden plank floor. A wall of windows with billowy white curtains overlooked the ocean.

"Definite raise," I muttered, taking in the huge soaking tub made for two.

Lisa came back inside and slipped her hand across my shoulder as she leaned to turn the water faucet on. It was when she started to undress me that I felt uneasy. The day had been too mentally taxing for a rousing bout of sex.

"Lisa, I'm not . . ."

She kissed my shoulder and shushed me. "I know, baby. That's not the point of this."

She stripped off her clothes and climbed into the tub first, holding out a hand as I stepped in. The hot water felt magnificent and instantly leeched some of the tension from my body. I rested my head on her chest, wishing that moments like these could be norm between us and for the most part, they were.

"You okay?" she murmured as I got comfortable on her.

I nodded. Her soapy hands slid up and down my back, over my arms, up through the tenseness of my neck.

"Good. Just relax."

"You're so quiet," I murmured after a while, needing to break the silence.

"I was thinking about something you said to me on the first day we met." She sluiced more hot water over my arm, warming my exposed skin.

"Oh?"

She dipped us deeper into the water, seeming concerned that my shoulders were cold. They were. "I was sitting at your bar and you were doing your best to ignore me."

I remembered doing that, but didn't want to admit it. I chased a few soap bubbles around on her chest with my finger. "I was not."

Lisa squeezed me. "Yes, you were. Don't lie."

"Damn. Okay. Maybe just a little. I was freaked-out that you were even there."

With her lips on my temple, she said, "I wanted to get you to talk to me and I asked you if you were always this quiet and you said something like 'I'm sure the silence and peace is refreshing.'" Our gazes met. "I just want you to relax and not worry about things."

And just like that, she was making my world peaceful. "When I close my eyes, I can almost ignore it all," I said.

"Then close your eyes."

"If only it were that easy."

I felt her chest rise and fall, making the water ripple.

"I'm sorry about the Mingyu thing. I—"

Lisa raised my chin with her fingertip, making eye contact. "Do I need to be concerned about it?"

I shook my head and quickly said, "No."

She let my chin go. "Then I'm not worried about it. I sort of expected it, actually."

I looked back up at her. "You did?"

Her elbow came up out of the water and rested on the edge of the tub. "Jen, you and I are all over the news. Shit always gets dredged up. It was only a matter of time before one of your ex-boyfriends tried to stake a claim. He doesn't have any dirt on you, does he?"

I winced from the thought. "I don't think so."

Lisa was silent for so long, I thought maybe she'd dozed off, but her tempered breathing told me otherwise.

"So what else is stirring in your thoughts?" Her fingers skimmed along my jaw. "I can't read your mind but I know it's going a million miles an hour, so you have to tell me where your head's at."

"My head is still stunned, fighting with the feeling that everything has changed and yet nothing has changed."

Her hand slid down to my rear, curling my leg over her thigh. "Dwelling on your ex?"

I heard the minute tinge of worry in her question. "No. Not dwelling. Not at all. But I am processing. He told me he slept with that girl because he was mad that I left him in bed to go help Fred."

Lisa made a derisive snort. "Are you serious?"

"Serious."

"What an asshole. His loss." Then she nudged me with her chin. "You upset about it?"

I rested my hand on her broad shoulder, feeling her heartbeat on my cheek. "No. I never knew why he cheated on me. I've spent way too much time thinking that I wasn't good enough."

Her hand cupped my head and she kissed my hair tenderly. "Don't ever think that."

"It's hard not to. Whatever. At least now I know why he did it."

Her cheek brushed my forehead. "Then I'm glad you got closure. There are too many past hurts standing in our way. Yours and mine."

I had to remind myself that we'd both been betrayed by lovers. "His infidelity broke me."

She tipped my chin up again and kissed me. "Nothing that I can't fix." She smiled gently, warming my battered spirit. I loved this person so deeply I could hardly contain it, knowing that she would weather any storm in our path. I needed to kiss her more than I needed anything else in the world.

Lisa's teeth grazed my bottom lip but then she pulled back, not letting herself get carried away, though I could see that she had to fight her body for control. Knowing that she was restraining her urges to care for me this way was more than any gift she could ever give me. I rested on her chest, content in knowing that she'd get me through whatever life had in store for me.

Regardless of my feelings for Mingyu, seeing him cry at Melanie's funeral emotionally ravaged me and those thoughts of her passing were still swirling in my mind. "I can't believe Melanie is gone. It's hard to process that."

"It sucks. I had a good friend in high school die in a car wreck. For weeks after it happened, I could have sworn I heard his voice in the halls." She took a deep breath. "I was supposed to hang out with him the night he died. When I think about how close I came to . . . well, I think about it sometimes."

I glanced up at her, grateful to be able to share these things.

"Wasn't your time."

"Yeah, I guess."

"It's been a few years since I'd seen her last. I guess that put some distance in our friendship. And I know that Mingyu is devastated by it. He came looking for comfort and we sort of jumped on him. I feel crappy about it, actually. They both were a huge part of my life for a lot of years. I shouldn't have treated him so callously."

Lisa sniffed and I could tell she didn't agree. "I know you two have history but he had to be told that that's where it stays . . . in the past. I have enough shit to worry about without having to worry about him trying to worm his way back into your life."

I groaned, wrapping my thigh over her. "He's not going to worm his way back in. You know you have nothing to worry about."

"Just making sure it stays that way. Still, he needed to hear that from me. You leave a guy an in and he'll take it."

"I'd say you got your point across. Doesn't matter. He's history."

Lisa cupped some water and poured it down her face. I could sense her frustration.

"Are you really that bothered by him?"

"No." she sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"Then what is it?"

She seemed hesitant. "We got other shit to worry about."

I held her eyes until she broke. "I know this isn't the best time to talk about this but I want to keep you informed before you hear it from someone else."

I closed my eyes, fearing what she had to say.

"Marla is threatening to sue me for breach of contract."

I actually relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief before fully processing her words. "What?"

"My lawyer, Len Bainbridge, called me yesterday. He and David are working it out but I have to settle up with her. Her bill was seventy-five thousand."

"Are you going to pay that?"

"I'm going to have to. But not until we get all the expensive lawyers involved first."

"God, she's infuriating. I still think she's the one who leaked your anxiety medicine to the press."

"I think so, too. Can't prove it, though, unless we find the source. I'll mention that to my lawyer."

"Well, I doubt it was Trish. She's got too much to lose being that careless. And it surely wasn't Mike. None of my friends know, well, besides Hyunji. Your family wouldn't talk to the press, so that leaves David, Marla, or the woman at the pharmacy."

"David wouldn't talk to the press."

"Well, then what does that tell you?"

"Tells me that the list of people I can trust just got smaller."

--

I was feeling mostly relaxed and right with the world when we came back to the apartment on Sunday—that was until we had to deal with the four fangirls camped out by my back door. I was shocked that these college-aged girls had nothing more important to do with their lives than hang out in an alleyway all day hoping for a glimpse of Lisa.

Lisa, of course, was gracious as always, signing crap and posing several times until they were all satisfied with the pictures they captured.

We have to move, I thought as we trudged up the steps, trying to be loud enough so we wouldn't walk into an awkward situation going on inside my apartment.

Mike was sprawled out on my couch, wearing nothing but baggy gray sweatpants, a black sleeveless undershirt, and a well-sated glow. He looked like a giant lion lying belly-up in the sun with his legs hanging open, licking his paws and airing out his balls. I figured Hyunji would be twined around him, enjoying their postcoital bliss, but she was in the kitchen making coffee.

"You both look well rested," she said, smiling at Lisa and me. Lisa winked at her and took our bags to our room.

I took a cup out of the cabinet. "We had a couples massage yesterday. I wish I could hire someone to do nothing but rub my shoulders every day. You look well ridden and glowing yourself."

"You know it." Hyunji gave me a high-five. She carried a cup of coffee out to Mike. Lisa had her feet up on my coffee table, looking just as relaxed and contented as her buddy. The lascivious grins flying around my living room were humorous. I felt my body heat up just from thinking about what Lisa did to me that morning . . . and the night before . . . and after our couples massage yesterday.

The way Mike looked at Hyunji, I wondered if he was already falling in love with her.

Hyunji sat on the arm of the couch next to Mike. I liked seeing him reach for her with tender familiarity, as if he couldn't wait to touch her again. "Do you think you guys can help me today?" Her eyes traveled over each of us. "I'd like to get some of my stuff from my old house."

Within an hour, we were all standing in Gary's front yard. Seeing Hyunji have to knock on her own front door to gain access infuriated me. The bastard actually had the audacity to change all the door locks on her. Gary came out of the house, pulling the door shut behind him.

"Just let me get my clothes!" Hyunji screamed at him, shaking with frustration. The first few times she tried to ask nicely and beg him to let her in didn't work.

Gary jingled the car keys in his hands, blocking our entry into the house. "You should have called first. I've got someplace to be. Now's not a good time."

Hyunji groaned loudly. I knew how irritated she felt; I wanted to choke the asshole myself.

"Gary, easy." Lisa tried the friendly and nonthreatening approach first, placating him. "Let us just get some of her things. Just her clothing and stuff and then we'll be out a here. We won't take anything else. You have my word."

Gary snorted with derision, stepping into Lisa's path. "Screw you, Lisa. Stay the hell out of my house. This is all your fucking fault, you know. Shit was fine until you came around."

I bristled with horror when Gary said that. How the hell could Lisa be responsible for the demise of their marriage? In an instant, Mike shouldered up to Lisa, forever in protection mode. I could see the anger roiling through him as he squeezed his hands into fists. I had no doubt Mike desired to level Gary just for the sheer enjoyment of it.

Lisa appeared just as surprised as we all were. "My fault? You're kidding, right?"

Hyunji moved closer to the door. "What is wrong with you? How the hell is any of this her fault? You're delusional."

Gary sneered at her. "Oh, fuck you, Hyunji. I am so sick and tired of hearing how their life is so fucking perfect and ours isn't. Lisa does this and Lisa does that. It's like nothing I've ever done for you was good enough. So you know what? I just don't give a fuck anymore. Some other asshole can live up to your expectations now. I pity the next guy that puts up with your shit."

My eyes quickly bounced from Gary to Mike, catching a twitch in his jaw from Gary's verbal slap.

Hyunji looked as if she were about to buckle at the knees.

"I hate you," Hyunji breathed out, holding back her tears.

"Whatever," Gary sneered at her as if he truly didn't care anymore. Watching her three-year marriage crumble was painful. How quickly people go from wedded bliss to murderous glares. My heart broke for her.

She started after him but Mike grabbed her by the wrist. Her eyes bounced from his hand to his face, watching as Mike silently told her to stop with a shake of his head.

Gary appeared affronted by Mike's intervention. "What, she's fucking you now? I knew it. I fucking knew it. How long, huh? How long you been screwing around behind my back, Hyunji? Couldn't get the fucking movie star you're so in love with so you settle for her babysitter. That's rich."

Hyunji gasped. "You bastard! You're the one who fucked some stupid skank, not me! You! Where is your little T-shirt-wearing whore, huh? She inside?"

"Only whore here is you," Gary retorted.

"Oh my God. I can't believe you just said that." I wanted to slap him so hard, he'd see stars for days.

Lisa grabbed my wrist, keeping me from moving any farther across the lawn.

Mike stepped his hulking body into Gary's path, protectively guiding Hyunji behind his back. "Careful what you say to her, man."

Gary glared at him. "This doesn't concern you."

I was surprised Gary was brazen enough to pick a fight with Mike.

"Hyunji," Gary barked, expecting her to jump.

Mike never took his eyes off Gary. He pulled Hyunji back again, keeping his body in between the two of them. "You're done talking to her. You talk to me now."

Gary's hand curled into a fist, dropping some of his keys between the knuckles. "Oh, is that right?"

"She's not your concern anymore," Mike said low and deliberately, clearly meant to send a message.

"You lost the right when you locked her out of her own house." Mike stood his ground, eyeing the gesture and questioning the absurdity of it. "Better make the first swing count because that's all you're gonna get," he added.

Gary took a moment to think about it, weighing his odds. Like he had a chance in hell to win that fight.

He reluctantly backed down. "Hyunji, tell your friends to get the fuck off my property or I'm calling the cops." As if to heighten his threat, he pulled his cell out.

"It's my property, too, you know," she argued back.

Mike glared at him as if he wanted to kill him, then turned and took Hyunji by the hand and tugged her toward the car, guiding her body in front of his. "Come on. Let's go."

Gary stood in the driveway, enjoying his moment of victory.

I climbed in the backseat with Hyunji and put my arm around her shoulder while digging out more tissues.

"I hate him so much," Hyunji whispered through her tears to me.

"Babe," Mike said from the driver's seat as he drove down the block, "your house have a security system?"

Babe? When the heck did that start?

Hyunji wiped her cheek. "No."

"Gary own any weapons?"

My eyes flashed to Lisa, who was staring over at Mike.

"Yeah," she answered. "But everything is locked up in the gun safe."

"Everything?" Mike questioned again.

Hyunji sat up. "He used to keep a revolver in the nightstand drawer in our bedroom. The rest are hunting rifles."

"And where are those?"

"Gun safe is also in the bedroom."

Mike nodded once. "You know where he's going today? How long he'll be gone?"

I heard Lisa mumble something. Mike held up a finger for her to wait.

Hyunji sniffed. "No idea."

I caught Mike's eyes in the rearview mirror. "Jennie, directions. I need a hardware store."

Forty minutes later, with the aid of a small tool kit, Mike gained us entry into Hyunji's house. And I thought my public takedown in Paris was a big deal; I could only imagine what "breaking and entering" would look like on the front page. I felt like I was going to rattle out of my skin and then maybe hurl lunch.

"Stop worrying, Jennie," Mike said, using one of Gary's shirts to keep his fingerprints off the revolver he'd found in the nightstand drawer. I watched him unload it with familiar precision. "This is Hyunji's house, too. There's no legal order for her to vacate."

Just seeing a gun in proximity to my body was nerve-racking enough; thinking about us getting caught and Lisa's picture plastered over every gossip magazine had me reevaluating this as a very bad idea.

Mike pointed a finger at Lisa. "You, out. Hyunji, grab what you need. Try to be quick about it." He guided Lisa by the shoulder, steering her toward the door. "We're waiting outside—off the property line to avoid trespassing charges."

I grabbed a garbage bag and started frantically packing whatever Hyunji told me to take, starting with her clothes.

Whatever shit we were in, we were in it together.

"Well, that was fun," Lisa sarcastically joked, hauling the last garbage bag in through the back door.

"Damn, something smells good."

Mike took a big whiff. "Heck yeah. Jennie, go get us some of that."

He made me laugh. "I'll go beg Tammy to cook us supper."

Lisa threw the black bag of clothes over her shoulder. "Invite them up tonight. We can all hang out."

I opened the door from the hallway into the pub kitchen to see what Tammy was up to. It was a welcome distraction to the breaking and entering we'd just committed. "Hey, Tammy. Smells fantastic in here."

She was busy adding ingredients into her industrial-sized mixer. "Oh, hey, Jennie."

"I had to keep the guys from breaking down the door. What are you making that smells so yummy?"

She pointed to a rack. "Cherry tarts right now. Sorry, but I don't have any extras."

I eyed the cooling rack with longing and invited her and Fred to join us upstairs for dinner later.

She dusted her hands off on her apron. "Hey, before you go, can I talk to you a minute?" Tammy appeared troubled as she wiped her hands over and over again on a wet rag. "Is everything okay between you and Lisa?"

I wasn't sure why she was asking. "Yeah. Things are great. Why?"

She tossed the rag into the sink. "I don't know. Just wondering about the whole Mingyu thing. I figured you might be fighting."

"No. We're not fighting. There is nothing to fight about."

"Oh. I just thought she'd be mad about you hugging your ex like that. I figured you told her anyway."

I felt myself getting slightly defensive. "There was nothing going on between Mingyu and me. Melanie has been a friend of mine for years. I hope you don't think that I was doing something inappropriate."

"Oh no. No. That's not what I meant. It's just that I know how jealous Lisa is. I thought maybe she was mad and that's why she came back here."

"No. She had a break in filming so she came home."

"Oh, okay. So what's up with Hyunji? Is she dating Mike now?" she asked.

I shrugged, wondering why she wasn't asking Hyunji these questions. "I'm not sure. They like each other. You do know that Gary has a new girlfriend, right?" Something was up. She wouldn't make eye contact with me.

"This whole thing is putting us in a very awkward situation," she said. "I mean, Fred and Gary have been friends for a long time and it's like we're being forced to pick sides."

She definitely caught me off guard. "No one is forcing you to pick sides, Tammy."

"Well, yeah, they kind of are. We're getting married in four months and they are both in the wedding party. Fred and Gary have been friends for years. It's not fair that he'd have to ask him not to come. No one seems to care how it affects us."

"Tammy, I don't know what to say. It's your wedding. Gary made a choice—Hyunji is just dealing with that. He just locked her out of her own damn house. What kind of man does that?"

"Well, she's with Mike. Can you blame him?" she snipped.

I was beginning to think she'd lost her damn mind. "How would you feel if Fred locked you out and wouldn't let you get any of your stuff?"

"I didn't know he did that. She's been so busy around here and it's not like we hang out together a lot when you aren't around."

"Everyone's been dealing with a lot. Trust me. I don't want you to think that we don't care."

"Oh." She turned to take something out of the oven. "Well, since Lisa is here now, do you think that you can ask her if she's going to be a groomsman or not? I mean, she hasn't said anything to Fred and she avoided the topic on Friday when Fred mentioned it. It would be nice to know if I even have a freaking bridal party or not."

I bristled at her anger. "Yeah, sure. She's been busy filming a movie so I'm sure she's not been avoiding anything on purpose. I'll make sure to ask her to confirm."

Tammy snorted as if that answer wasn't good enough. "I'm sure she's been in a great mood since your ex-fiancé has been coming around. Like she needs that crap."

Like I needed that crap—or her crap right now for that matter. I was starting to wonder if all this wedding stuff was turning Tammy into a bridezilla. I certainly wasn't going to become confrontational even though I wanted to.

"Well, I'll let you get back to running your business. I'll make sure to get an answer to Fred."

I didn't wait to give her an opportunity to respond, hurrying through the door and up my stairs as if the floor were on fire.

Lisa's unbelievably nice ass was poking out of my open refrigerator door when I found her in my kitchen. "Everything okay?"

I wrapped my arms around her waist, burying my nose in the neckline of her T-shirt. "Can we elope instead?"

Lisa snickered and rubbed my back. "Sure. What brought this on?"

"Planning weddings apparently makes women go insane. I'm pretty sure Tammy's growing fangs and claws."

"Oh. That sucks. Is it contagious?"

"God, I hope not."

She whispered in my ear, "You can always hire a wedding planner to do that shit for you."

My head popped off her chest when I heard a loud crash and Hyunji's high-pitched yell for help coming from the spare room. I found her surrounded by a few boxes and a whole lot of crap spilled out around her feet—clothing, books, and a slew of old videocassette tapes.

"Sorry," she pleaded, still holding a box from tipping off the top shelf in the closet. I had to laugh at her panicked expression. "I tried to move one and they all came crashing down."

Mike took the box out of her hands.

"Are these boxes full or what?" Lisa asked, opening one of them.

I folded up one of my mom's old sweaters and set it aside, trying to clear a path. "That's all of your fan mail from the last few weeks, hon. You need to either go through it or we need to pitch it."

She looked astounded and confused. "All of this?"

"All of those boxes." Hyunji pointed. "Including skanky underwear, sappy praise, and more death threats."

She turned on her, and then turned her questioning glare on me. "Death threats?"

What could I say? As sick as it was, it wasn't anything new. Several thousand of her fans hated that she was with me.

Some unspoken message passed between Lisa and Mike before Lisa cursed and then hauled one of the boxes out to my living room.

I boxed up all of the videos, noting that my name was written on the majority of them. Memories.

Childhood memories. Memories that Dan and Jennifer Kim made for me.

Without even thinking, I grabbed the box of tapes and sat on my living room floor in front of the television, pressing the tape marked "Fourth of July 1986—Jennie 4 yrs old" into the aging VCR.

Lisa sat on the ottoman behind me. "Look at you! All curly ringlets."

I smiled at my innocent babbling about swimming with my Barbie doll, pushing my oversized sunglasses up my sun-kissed nose. I had on a little pink one-piece swimsuit with a blue fish on the hip.

Lisa pointed over my shoulder. "Is that? Yeah, that's your pappy's cabin." I saw the familiar gray cinder-block garage behind me.

And then I saw him. Like a ghost out of my innermost thoughts he appeared, coming out of the garage behind me. Tall, thin, and lanky, walking with the stinted lope of a teenager.

There he was, captured forever on film.

The boy with the black hair.

I felt as though someone poured ice through my veins.