J

I stared at the television for so long my eyes hurt. It was like he walked right out of one of my nightmares and presented himself to me. Here I am—the one who haunts you.

Lisa had moved behind me after telling Mike and Hyunji we needed a few minutes of privacy. She sat on the floor, holding me while I quietly broke down again.

I didn't even realize I was touching my own mouth until I felt Lisa's hand smooth around my wrist.

"In my dreams, he always has bloody teeth. Just blood—everywhere. I never . . ." It was hard to speak.

"Is that Joe?" Lisa asked softly.

I nodded. "I think so." I rewound the tape and paused to see him in still frame but the tape made squiggly lines on the screen, obscuring his face.

I felt Lisa's lips, her breath on my neck. "Is this one of the things that has you jumping out of bed sometimes?"

"Yeah. All this time, I didn't know who he was. He's not in any family pictures. I thought . . . I thought he was someone I made up."

Lisa slipped the remote out of my hand and pressed play again. The tape rolled on, mostly capturing me playing with beach toys in a round plastic wading pool on the grass. Every so often, Joe would make an appearance, a ghost in the background, lurking, but always keeping an eye on the camera's direction. I suppose, keeping an eye on me.

"I want to know him."

Lisa's hand skated across my face, taking in my plea. "Mike can find him if you want," she said.

I thought about it for a second. "I want him to want to know me, too. It can't be one-sided. He's got to want to know me but it's been so long—people change."

Lisa held my face, pressing a soft kiss on my lips, but she was distracted by the heavy thudding of footsteps coming up my stairwell.

I heard Fred's hearty greeting when Hyunji let them in.

Lisa crawled around me, pressing the eject button. "You change your mind, just say the word. We can hire someone to track him down. I'll let you decide if you want to share all of this with them."

My gaze was locked on the tight skin of her body, graciously exposed when her T-shirt rode up her stomach. It was just the jolt I needed.

Fred instantly scrutinized me and jerked her head for me to follow him to the dining room, where he cornered me. "Red-rimmed eyes. All puffy. You okay?"

Nothing got past Fred.

And I couldn't lie to him. I gave him a noncommittal head bob while his mouth silently said "bullshit."

I decided talk therapy was what I needed.

I pulled out a chair and asked Tammy to join us. No sense having to repeat myself.

After a string of introductory words, I then uttered the two words that churned like acid in my stomach.

". . . I'm adopted."

Lisa closed our bedroom door and peeled her shirt off, exposing a body I'd never get tired of looking at.

"You know I don't care, right?" Her words were as gentle as the eyes that watched me with apprehension.

I'd spent an evening discussing my origins with my friends; it was emotionally exhausting.

"I know."

"Doesn't change anything about how I feel about you. The only thing I want to know is if you're going to take my last name when we get married, which I'm hoping to hell you will."

I blinked at her, processing what she said, and then sort of melted inside. "I had intended to."

She breathed out a contended sigh and hugged me. "Thank you."

I heard the toilet flush and Hyunji's and Mike's low murmurs outside our closed door.

"It's weird having other people here," I muttered conspiratorially.

"Yeah, I know. I totally love your apartment but I hope you know I don't want to live above your pub for the rest of our lives."

"Or listen to Hyunji giggle before sex."

"That too," she chuckled, palming my rear. "You do realize that Mike and I can't leave here until both of you are bowlegged and glowing, right?"

I grinned. "You should make it a competition. See which one of you folds first."

Before I could react, Lisa let me go and grabbed the doorknob. "Hallway meeting," she called out loudly.

I felt instant mortification. "Lisa!"

"Shush." Lisa crossed her beefy arms, waiting. God, I loved her biceps. Mike came out of the room, sans shirt. Damn, he was built like a linebacker who spends his life in a gym, not to mention his chest was as smooth as a baby's bottom.

"Two things," Lisa started, holding up her fingers. "You come out of your room for any reason, you put something on. I don't want to see anyone else's bare ass other than my woman's. Number two, Jennie suggests we make a wager on this evening's festivities."

"Lisa!"

She pushed me back with her fingertips. "Shush."

Mike leaned a hand on the door frame. "Wager?"

"First person to fold."

Mike's eyes cut to me once, quickly. "Interesting. I'm in. Time or quantity?" he asked as casually as if they were discussing the weather.

"What time is our flight again?"

"Eleven forty-five. We're gone by nine," Mike's deep voice rumbled.

"Time. We can sleep on the plane."

"Agreed. Bet?"

"Two bills?"

"Sounds fair. Women keeping time?"

"Yep," Lisa quipped. "Time gets written down so there's no cheating."

"Anything else?" Mike asked.

"Nope."

"What time is it now?"

Lisa leaned around to see my alarm clock. "Ten after eleven."

I watched as they shook hands.

"Have a good night," Mike said with a nod.

"You too, man." Lisa tapped his shoulder and then locked our bedroom door.

Me and my big mouth.

The lascivious glare Lisa gave me instantly made my heart beat faster, warming me in all the right places, effectively distracting me from all of my woes. I was the rabbit and she was the hungry wolf and it was obvious that I was about to be eaten alive. Perhaps this wasn't a stupid suggestion after all.

She walked with purpose, stalking over to my side of the bed.

Game on.

My alarm went off at eight o'clock. I wanted to hurl it against the wall and smash it to bits. Lisa's arm was pinning me to the bed and she was out. Even the shrill of the alarm didn't stir her.

I heard the shower turn on so I hit the snooze button one more time before dragging my butt into the kitchen to make the guys some breakfast.

Hyunji came shuffling in, rubbing one eye, and mumbled something that sounded like "morning." "You write your time down?"

"No."

She stretched. "Damn, my body hurts."

My body ached, too. I could feel the pain in my hips. "Yep."

She grabbed a piece of mail off the counter, tore it in half, and grabbed a pen. "Was this shit really your idea?"

I took four coffee mugs out of the cabinet. "I said it as a joke."

"It was brilliant." She pushed the torn envelope and the pen toward me. "But I think he broke my vagina."

I spit out some coffee after that one, staining my envelope piece. I wrote down the last time I looked at the clock: 4:50.

Hyunji had written 5:10.

"Looks like Lisa's out two hundred," I muttered.

Mike came in all fresh and looking mighty fine in a pair of worn jeans and a gray tee that hugged every muscular curve. "Morning, ladies. Who won?" He ran a hand tenderly over Hyunji's shoulder.

"You did." She beamed up at him.

He smiled and kissed her as if they'd been together for years. I didn't miss his hand possessively palming her butt cheek, either. It made me smile.

"Pay up, shorty," he teased Lisa when she came into the kitchen.

Lisa motioned for the results. "I lost by twenty minutes?" she groaned and tossed the papers onto the counter. "That's bullshit."

I poured a cup of coffee for her. "Sorry, babe."

"Twenty freakin' minutes." She towered over me, giving me the stink eye. "You made me quit, too."

"Sorry. I was done. You want me to pay half?"

"No," she grumbled, scowling at me, making me question whether she was truly upset. "I got it. But you owe me and I will collect."

I followed her into the bedroom, worried. "Are you really mad at me?"

She smirked. "No, babe. I'm just teasing. I was tired and wiped out, too. It's okay . . . until I collect what you owe me." She cracked me hard on the rear.

I sucked in a breath, imagining her collecting. I hated watching Lisa pack. She was always in motion.

Like two sad sacks, Hyunji and I hugged and kissed them both goodbye in my living room. Hyunji looked just as forlorn and reluctant to let them go as I was. We stood there for a moment after the door closed behind them, staring at each other in silence, feeling empty.

"That was the best night of my life," she uttered. "Thank you for that."

"I heard you scream a few times."

Hyunji rolled her eyes, abashed. "I heard you, too."

We gave each other a high-five, just because.

She yawned. "Well, I don't know about you but I'm taking my broken vagina back to bed." I watched her walk funny, doing the "I've been fucked hard" swagger down the hallway.

I shuffled behind her, feeling her pain echo in my own sore hips and thighs. "Yep. Me too."

I crawled my achy body into my cold, empty bed, thinking about how much sleeping without Lisa sucked.

A few days later I was Skyping with Lisa when the separation hit me hard. "I hate being away from you."

She tilted her head, studying me. "You don't have to be, you know."

I pulled my fingers back, as if her words had bite. "I know."

She regarded me for a moment before turning her attention back to the documents in her hand. "Sell it. Cut yourself free."

As much as I'd thought about it there were several reasons why I couldn't. "I can't. Hyunji and Tammy rely on me, on this place. I can't screw my friends like that. Besides, I need to work, Lisa. I'm not good with doing nothing or shopping every day."

"I need you to manage my life," she said simply.

"You just don't want to deal with your mother," I teased.

She scratched her head, distracted, seemingly frustrated. "That too."

I frowned at her lack of attention, which then had me tapping my finger on the image of her face, as if that would do the trick.

She finally looked up. "Listen, parties, family gatherings, holidays, vacations, all of that personal stuff is in your realm, Jennie. She wants to throw an engagement party for us—fine. Work it out, block out the dates, and put it on the calendar, and then when you're done with all of that explain to me what these numbers are on my investment statements because I can't figure out how I could lose so much in one quarter."

That was an easy one. "Your accountant sucks. Money needs to be managed, not resting in a coffee can until you have bills to pay. He should be making more strategic investments for you."

"Well then, you need to fix this. I'm adding this shit to your wifely duties. You feel comfortable and you want to manage it, I'll fire him. It's that simple."

As good as that made me feel, part of me was freaked that I might screw up. The fact that she trusted me with her millions was humbling. "If you want me to."

She was all business, still reviewing documents. "I want you to, starting now. I'm emailing the files to you. Let's get this shit straightened out because I am so not liking losing five fucking figures on market fluctuations."

I could do that. "Okay. By the way, are you ever going to give me my debit card back?"

She didn't bother to look up, simply saying, "No. And don't ask again."

I was startled by her abrupt, authoritative tone. "I seemed to remember you threatening punishment if I tried to steal it back."

That got her attention. "You want to defy me?"

It was worth considering. "Maybe."

Her eyes heated with the challenge. "Just make sure your lovely ass is on a plane on Tuesday. I'll deal with you then."

"Trish is taking me dress shopping and then I've arranged for us to have dinner with Jaehyun and Wendy Wednesday night."

I watched the hint of a smile spread across her lips. I knew it pleased her that I was making ties within her circle of celebrity friends. "Good. Very good. They'll be at the MTV Movie Awards, too. You nervous?"

This would be my first awards show—ever. I hadn't really checked my nerves with everything else going on. Lisa looked over her shoulder. That's when I saw Mike's head flash in the background.

"Problem's been contained," Mike muttered. "Ten minutes."

"Okay, thanks." Lisa turned back to me. "You still flying back with me to Vancouver on Thursday?"

"What's going on there? What problem?"

I could see her trying to decide whether or not to share. "Some overly enthusiastic fans got onto the set. They were mingled in with some of the extras. We had to take a break from filming to sort it all out."

My skin prickled. "Are you in danger?"

"No."

For some reason I didn't believe her. "Would you tell me if you were?"

My eyes met her on the screen. "I'm not in danger, babe. I don't need you worrying for nothing."

I was just about to argue when Hyunji came in, carrying an enormous bouquet of red roses in a clear crystal vase. "Someone got flowers." She beamed at me.

I smiled widely at her, deeply touched that she'd do something so sweet. "Lisa! God, they're beautiful." I shoved my nose into one of the open blooms, savoring the fresh smell. "Thank you."

He appeared confused, then pissed. "I'd like to take credit, but I didn't send you flowers. Who the hell is sending you flowers?"

I opened the card and read it out loud.

Dear Jennie,

I know you don't know me but I am a huge fan and I hope these flowers brighten your day. I thought this might encourage you as well . . . "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Have a wonderful day lovely lady!

Jeremy

I suddenly felt sick. Lisa's murderous glare was enough to make me go pale. "You don't leave the house without an escort. Ever. Got me?" she yelled over her shoulder for Mike.

"I can't live in fear, Lisa," I muttered, annoyed that my once-peaceful oblivion was now convoluted by psychopaths and unknown birth certificates. I pushed the vase off to the side as if it were a ticking bomb.

I knew she was angry; that much was evident. "The shit is coming to your house, Jennie. To your damn door." She dialed someone on her phone and seconds later, Mike rushed into Lisa's trailer. After briefing him, Lisa asked for Hyunji. She made her read the card, out loud. "She doesn't go outside without someone by her side—ever."

I was mad, disgusted. Stupid flowers, sequestering me to my own home, making me feel as if I were a prisoner.

I was on the telephone with Andrea, who works for Lisa's agent, ironing out my travel arrangements to L.A. for the MTV Movie Awards next week when someone pounded on the apartment door, startling the crap out of me.

I was relieved to hear Tammy's voice answer back. I opened the door to see her standing there, visibly shaken. I had heard her down in the kitchen, but it was barely noon so I had no idea what had her so frantic.

"They just took Fred to the hospital," she sobbed. "He dropped me off this morning so I don't have a car."

I yelled for Hyunji and grabbed my purse and keys.

"He fell off a roof. That's all I know," Tammy said as we rushed down the alley to my car.

Hyunji gave me a concerned look, knowing I was violating Lisa's direct order.

"She said I don't go out alone. She didn't specify with whom." I really didn't care about my safety; I was more worried about Fred.

Tammy hopped in the front seat. "What's going on?"

Hyunji climbed into the back. "Oh nothing. Just the usual whack-jobs stalking Jennie. Someone sent her roses yesterday."

I didn't want to think about it for too long or else I'd be inclined to run and hide in my closet with the baseball bat. "It's nothing. Just flowers."

"It's creepy as shit," Hyunji muttered.

I drove as fast as I could to the emergency room, knowing Tammy was beside herself. We were all fraught with worry. The three of us stormed through the automatic doors at St. Luke's and into the large waiting room.

I saw the color drain out of Tammy's cheeks when the girl behind the desk asked if Tammy was immediate family. Her fear for the unknown, thinking the worst, mirrored mine.

"Go." I gave Tammy's elbow a nudge for her to follow the nurse. Hyunji and I found an empty corner of the waiting room.

"God, I hope he's all right," Hyunji uttered, scrolling through her cell.

I shoved my keys in my purse, beating back my worry for Fred. Hopefully we'd hear something soon.

"Did you talk to Tammy this morning?"

She shook her head and concentrated on her phone. "What am I supposed to say to her? I guess I'll just bow out of being in the wedding, since Gary seems to be hell-bent on staying a groomsman. You know what pisses me off? He hates weddings. We almost didn't get married because he didn't want a big wedding. You remember that? He's doing this crap out of spite. I know it. I don't know what I ever saw in him."

"Doesn't matter much now, does it?" I nodded at her thumbs, busy texting to Mike again.

Hyunji gave a wry smile and snapped her phone shut. "He's pretty incredible. I'm trying not to mess this up."

I gazed at the Weather Channel on the waiting room television. "I wish you could go with me to L.A."

"Yeah, me too. I hate that you're doing all of this world traveling without me." Her eyes cut over to me. "I miss him."

I could hear the longing in her voice. "Can I ask you something?"

She met my glance.

"What are your thoughts about managing the bar full-time?"

She looked away, shaking her head as if she didn't like the idea. "You know, if you would have asked me that five months ago, I would have jumped at the chance. Now?" Hyunji shrugged. "I never thought I'd be twenty-eight and going through a divorce. Sometimes I want to run from this town and never look back."

"I know the feeling."

"Besides you and my dad there's not much else holding me here."

I nodded. "You and that bar are the only things keeping me here," I said. "I can't . . . I can't be in two places at once and I definitely know I wouldn't be able to trust the pub to just anyone. And you and Tammy . . . I can't sell it. I won't do that to you."

"You can't worry about us. You have to do what's right for you." She sat quietly for a moment. "We'd need to hire more staff to replace you. You know I can run the pub, but, honestly Jen, I'm not sure I want to anymore. I've been doing a lot of thinking myself wondering what I'm going to do next."

I knew exactly how she felt. She and I had fallen into a rut where keeping the bar running after my father died was almost like a moral obligation.

"What do you want to do?" I asked.

She seemed reluctant to share. "Well, Mike mentioned that there's a huge demand for female bodyguards. A lot of celebrities are using females in their security detail now. I don't know. I'd have to learn self-defense and do some weapons training first but . . . He's been trying to convince me to give it a try."

"That something you'd be interested in doing?"

"Well, it sounds really intriguing and he's even willing to train me, so . . . Gary said I was a bitch; might as well get paid to be a professional one."

Surprisingly, I wasn't overly stunned. Hyunji was lithe but fierce at the core. What did surprise me was her newfound fire for doing something completely different.

"You can be my bodyguard," I teased jokingly, but as I said it, I thought about how cool it would be if she were.

"Well, yeah. I was actually thinking that. You seem to attract a whole lotta crazy."

We both snickered at that until the realization that I had no defense skills of my own trickled in.

"I don't know if Mike and I have a future," she continued, shirking it off, "but with or without him there's so much more world to see than just the inside of the pub. You're traveling and seeing places, Mike has been all around the freakin' globe . . . I just want—more. This thing with Gary? It's been brewing for a long time. And now . . . well, I just want to cut my losses and move on."

I saw the desire in her eyes, and wished she had been with me in Paris; none of that embarrassing nonsense would have gone down if she'd been with me. "Are you seriously considering it?"

She nodded and then her shoulders slumped. "I think I'd be real good at it. But it doesn't matter what I want. There are courses I'd have to take and Mike told me about this four-week certification program that a friend of his runs. Problem is, I don't have the money or the time. And the last thing I want is for Mike to view me as a career clinger."

I'd sell the bar before I'd let her give up hope. We'd been to hell and back and I'd give anything to see her happy again. I dug out my phone and called Mike. He answered on the third ring.

Hyunji was still glaring at me when I hung up. "I can't believe you just did that."

I tried to defuse her with the same admonishing glare. "You want to get out of Seaport or not?"

"Yes, but you just tossed that on him. Of course he wouldn't say no. He's going to think I'm a whack job."

Her mouth snapped shut when I smiled at her. "He was very enthusiastic so quit worrying." I texted Lisa, telling her Fred was in the hospital. "Besides, the man nailed you for six hours straight. I'm pretty sure that allows you to ask a favor or two."

"That was just sex," she muttered. "I'm not reading anything into it."

"I don't think so. He's smitten."

She twisted her lips at my word. "I've had guys smitten before. It never lasts. Once they get into your pants it's just a matter of time until the novelty wears off. I'm actually surprised it hasn't happened already. He'll sleep with some other girls soon and then I'll be a distant memory, so I'm not getting my hopes up."

I frowned at her doubt but I totally knew how she felt.

"And what happens when Lisa doesn't need him anymore? He'll have to find other clients. He can't drag his girlfriend around in a suitcase . . . well, unless he buys one of those inflatable ones, although I highly doubt he'd ever go plastic."

I chuckled. "He is a damn good-looking man."

"That he is. Looks even better naked." She grinned.

"Is he being weird or anything since? You seem happy, so I guess he hasn't turned into a flaming asshole yet."

"No." She laughed modestly. "He's been super-sweet. Almost too good to be true sometimes."

"He calls you all the time."

She was glowing with that look of dreamy love. "I know."

I read Lisa's reply, asking me to fill her in once I knew Fred's condition. "Then quit your worrying."

She huffed. "But then you'll be strapped."

"I won't be strapped. It will all work out."

I practically jumped out of my seat when Tammy came through the double doors. Her face was ashen and worried. "Is he?" I started, not sure of what to ask. I handed a tissue to her.

Her hand shook when she pushed her hair behind her ear. "He's awake but he's banged up pretty bad. He just had an MRI and now they're taking him for X-rays. He's got a big lump on his forehead. His left arm is definitely broken and his knee and ankle are all swollen. The doctor wants to make sure that he doesn't have any internal bleeding or swelling since he hit his head. They said he was unconscious for a bit on the job site."

I wrapped my arm around her back, guiding her to sit down for a moment. "What happened?"

Tammy wiped the corners of her eyes. "Apparently he was carrying a pack of shingles and slipped. He fell like eight feet."

Hyunji grabbed the box of tissues that was on the table in the waiting room and took the seat next to her. "He'll be all right. He's tough."

It took about an hour, but I was relieved when we were finally able to visit with him. I almost wanted to cry seeing him bandaged up with a big white cast on his arm. Fred gave me a weak smile, as if he were embarrassed. I slipped my hand into his and he squeezed my fingers while I tried not to think about how bad this day could have been.

The large purple lump on his forehead and a few cuts near his eye were frightening reminders of how things could have turned from broken bones to tragedy.