J

"Stop fidgeting. You look official," I teased Hyunji while she tugged at her coat sleeves. Mike made her wear a plain black suit jacket and pants with a cream-colored blouse and sensible, low-heeled shoes for her first red carpet assignment in L.A. Even though she was nervous as hell she at least looked the part.

Mike had been working with her since she'd returned from the intensive training program, going over everything from limousine procedures to how to handle a physical altercation. He also schooled her on the different code words she'd need to use to communicate with him. It was actually quite interesting to learn all of the things Mike did behind the scenes to protect people.

He'd become such an integral part of our daily lives that sometimes it was hard to remember that he was "working" when he was with us. Half the time it felt as though he was hanging around because he and Lisa were best friends.

"I still think I could have been all kick-ass in a hot little dress," Hyunji groaned. "You're all gorgeous and I look like an uptight schoolteacher."

"Remember the formation we practiced," Mike muttered from the front seat of our chauffeured car, his subtle way of reminding her she was "working" and not here to be rocking hot with me. I knew he'd dressed her to blend in, not to stand out. Lisa and I had done quite a few "run-through" scenarios with them in my living room to the point where Mike had even shown us some self-defense techniques—should we ever need to protect ourselves. I could understand his reasoning that wearing a skirt would not be the smartest idea.

"You going to kneel on someone's head?" I muttered to her, teasingly. Mike had shown her how to subdue someone to keep them immobile while we were being removed from a "threat." Executed properly, an assailant might get a good crotch view or a "Vagina Crunch" as Hyunji and I called it.

Hyunji just rolled her eyes at me. "I've fired seven different guns over the last few weeks and I've got a pretty good aim. Watch it."

I sneered back. "Don't be overwhelmed by the camera flashes. Try to keep from looking at them or else you'll be seeing spots the rest of the night. It's almost like you're temporarily blinded."

We waited in a long line of cars snaking along the road that led to where all the celebrities were arriving at the massive Gibson Amphitheatre for the Nick Teen Choice Awards. It was Hyunji's first assignment as my guard, working the detail under her new boss, Mike Murphy.

I had been wondering how the boss/boyfriend relationship would work, but so far things were going fairly smoothly. She was more than willing to take his orders, which I think just really turned him on. He'd bark a command and she'd immediately submit to his orders. Then he'd stand taller with that hint of secret smile lifting one corner of his mouth. He tried to be all badass but his little giveaway was just enough to be his downfall because Hyunji would play it for all it was worth.

Regardless of what Mike thought, Hyunji really had the upper hand in this relationship.

I saw her touch the hidden microphone in her ear. "Yes, okay. We're green."

Lisa leaned into me. "It's like Spy vs. Spy, you know?"

"They're practicing their BDSM code talk. Whip me, master. I've been naughty." I giggled and elbowed her when Hyunji chucked me the finger.

Lisa tilted her head, smirking. "It's been a while since we did the bondage thing. I'm feeling inspired by all of this ass-kicking show of dominance."

Mike leaned over the seat. "If you two are done, we're up next to exit."

Hyunji had her game face on, looking all serious and on edge when I climbed out of the car.

Lisa tugged me a few feet before she was pulled right in to give autographs and greet her fans. I stepped back out of the way, as I'd been instructed at all her other appearances. Hyunji was on my right side, keeping watch. Mike had her practice "shielding and removing" me from potential threats, and since she was right-handed, her left arm would be the one she used to grab me. Who knew there was a science to all of this? Mike knew the routine. He handled Lisa's autographing and posing better than any publicist or manager could ever do, having been with Lisa at every public appearance she'd made in the last year.

"See how Mike keeps things away from Lisa's face?" I said to her. Mike was holding a hand up, keeping all of the things fans were shoving at her to sign from getting too close.

"Holy shit, Jennie," Hyunji muttered, taking in the hundreds of screaming fans lined up behind barricades, hungrily vying for a second of Lisa's attention. "I thought the premiere was crazy; this is insane. They're like rabid teenagers."

"This is almost how it was in Paris."

Her head snapped in my direction. "Like this?"

I nodded, keeping a handle on that memory. I was getting used to it, but this was only Hyunji's second time experiencing the "fandemonium" that followed Lisa Manoban the movie star wherever she went, and I could see she was visibly shaken by it all. Lisa seemed so much more collected, cheerful even, giving her fans what they so desperately craved.

"Mike was on the phone with event security all morning coordinating this."

I acknowledged her with a nod, and then glanced around. I noticed the extra security milling behind us. I knew both Lisa and Mike wouldn't leave her to her own devices should anything go down.

"So is this basically what I do then? Just stand here with you?" Hyunji asked, glancing around, looking all official as she scanned for possible threats.

"What? Babysit me? Yep. You're doing it."

She twisted her lips at my poor attempt at humor.

I nudged my chin toward Lisa and Mike. "Those two chumps think we have no clue what's going on."

Hyunji nodded. "After the Mino thing, it's pretty obvious why Lisa would want you to have a female bodyguard. I gathered that a while ago when Mike first started talking to me about the wonders of being in personal security. He sort of slipped once when he told me that Lisa wanted a female to guard you."

"Yeah, I'd say their little scheme is pretty transparent."

"Do we let them know that we're on to them?"

"And miss an opportunity to mess with them? Nah. This is all part of her master plan to ensure that I don't get bored and into trouble while she's busy being famous."

Hyunji peered around me, keeping up with her vigil. "I sure as hell won't be complaining. I get a gorgeous man who fucks like a machine and to travel the globe with my best friend. I have no problem babysitting you while we shop."

I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"I will start taking yoga classes if Mike gives me my own charge card—I'm telling you that now."

"Just think of the trouble you could get into if you were a contortionist."

She broke into a fit of giggles. "So does this job come with health insurance? I may need it."

"Not sure, but I'll let you stare at Lisa Manoban's ass for an extra ten minutes a day."

She looked aghast. "Only ten minutes? Hah! You know, if you would have told me a year ago I'd be part of Lisa Manoban's entourage, I would have questioned your sanity. This is surreal. And no offense, but her ass is stellar."

I watched all the faces of her fans light up the moment Lisa stopped in front of them, grinning, too.

"What did my mom always say? Dreams come true when you point yourself in their direction."

"Your mother was a brilliant woman," Hyunji stated emphatically, both of us casting our gazes back to Lisa's and Mike's stellar asses.

I pulled a vision of my mom's smiling face into my thoughts, hating that as the years passed since her death, I had to sometimes struggle to remember what she looked like.

Lisa smiled and waved a final goodbye to her screaming fans, then walked with purposeful strides to where I stood waiting. She took me by the hand, raised it to her mouth to softly kiss my fingers, twined her fingers around mine, and continued walking. Her random public display of affection left me breathless. I don't even think she knew how her unconscious actions made the entire outside world disappear around us or how she set my heart fluttering like a hummingbird's wings from her natural chivalry. I knew we were going to pose for the press photo op next, but I would have stood in any firing line just to be next to her.

Now that I was paying more attention to all the behind-the-scenes details, I realized just how much Mike truly did for us. The rest of the award show went off without a hitch and Lisa received a large surfboard for winning Best Actor in a Romance. I loved watching her onstage, thanking her fans. Her acceptance speech was short and sweet and hanging out with the old Seaside cast backstage was a blast.

When the award show was over, Mike and Hyunji were waiting to take us to our next destination—a late dinner with them and Jaehyun and Wendy at the decadent restaurant Koi.

Thank God Hyunji was with us as we were bombarded by paparazzi when we came out of the restaurant. Mike had made sure our driver was waiting at the curb before allowing us to leave the safe confines of the building. Lisa had my hand, Hyunji was flanking me, repeating Mike's orders for the throng of photographers to back up and let us through. After two and a half glasses of wine and being blinded in the dark by all of the camera flashes, I was glad I didn't have to drive.

"No wonder celebs get into accidents," Hyunji muttered. "I can't see for shit. Look at them! Why the hell are they blocking the front of the car?"

The paparazzi were elbowing each other out of the way, trying to get more shots of us inside the vehicle. Lisa had her hand cupped over her eyes. I noticed Hyunji was doing the same thing. "You know, I always thought famous people did this because they were hiding from being photographed. Now I know it's also to protect your damn eyes!"

Her voice flashed back through my mind as we endured the same gamut of photogs trying to catch our flight out of LAX. Fortunately, only a few passengers with cell phone cameras were on hand when we landed in Reno, Nevada.

I was nervous, excited, and petrified as we hurried out of the airport, climbing right into a waiting chauffeured SUV at the curb. I had always wondered how celebrities were able to get carted away so quickly; it was all a matter of precise coordination.

Mike held the door, guarding our entry. Even getting into cars was choreographed. I always got in first, followed by Lisa. Once the "principals" were stowed, Hyunji was in next. Mike always sat in the front passenger seat—always. He also handled receiving our luggage. Lisa Manoban didn't wait at luggage carousels—ever.

I was beginning to think that Mike needed a big, fat raise. Giving him my best friend in the world with a big, red bow wrapped around her didn't seem enough.

Lisa took my hand in her, giving me a reassuring squeeze and a smile. She didn't need to ask me if I was nervous to meet my birth father; she knew. I'd barely slept a wink last night.

While we waited for our luggage to be loaded, Lisa toggled through her missed messages. "We've got a problem."

My first thought was that the paparazzi had followed us, assuming we came to Reno to get married.

Well, that's what Trish's first thought was when I mentioned our destination. I did not need any more problems and from her distinct tone I could tell it was personal.

She turned to meet my waiting stare. "Got an email from Trish. Apparently one of Tammy's friends posted on Twitter that she's going to get to meet me at their wedding in September."

My nervous energy burst into a blur of outrageous fury. "You're kidding?"

"I wish I was." Lisa shoved her cell back into her pocket. "Well, there goes that. I told them to keep this to themselves. No one ever listens. Their wedding is going to be a media circus. Son of a . . ."

She glared over at me. "You know it's going to be crazy now. I told Fred how this could turn out. News travels that I might be stepping into a church and you'll have fucking helicopters flying overhead."

Hyunji snorted from the backseat. "I wonder which idiot friend of hers did it."

"Be nice," I muttered, digging out my phone.

"Not likely," she retorted with defiant sarcasm.

I rolled my eyes and started to call Tammy while the driver stowed our luggage in the back. "She's not answering."

"Of course she's not answering. She knows I'm with you," Hyunji added.

Lisa knew how much this dissension bothered me, having these moody, snippy attitudes floating around between what used to be the greatest of friends. I could only hope that it was the stress Tammy was going through making her crazy.

"I have to fix this," I groaned.

"Why?" Hyunji snapped. "She wanted to have the bragging rights that Lisa was going to be in her wedding. This is her mess, not yours. She should have kept her damn mouth shut."

"I agree," Lisa muttered. "This isn't your problem, Jen."

I mostly agreed with them. Still . . . "When we get to the hotel, I'm going to try to call Fred. He has a right to know what's going on, especially if there's any chance his wedding might get ruined."

The look in Lisa's eyes said that it was already too late to prevent that.

The view coming up to the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Lake Tahoe was spectacular. The tall pines, majestic mountains, and impressive hotel complex beckoned us to come and enjoy luxury at its finest. Inside, a massive stacked-stone fireplace took central stage, towering from floor to "fifty-five feet tall," as I had been informed by the concierge.

We were directed to a private floor, entering the most lavish suite I'd ever seen.

"Wow," Hyunji breathed out. "I'm so glad you're my friend," she said to Lisa.

She smiled and took my bag off my shoulder.

Our suite had huge windows with gorgeous views of the mountains. Only one person we knew who would know how to find this sort of decadence. "Andrea?"

Lisa winked. "Yep."

"That girl needs a huge raise."

"Who's Andrea?" Hyunji asked, wandering around in a tight circle so she wouldn't miss anything.

"She's the goddess of all travel agents," Lisa answered. "There are supposed to be two master bedrooms. Pick one. Mike and I will be here drinking this complimentary bottle of cognac while you ladies decide."

Hyunji and I wandered from room to room. "This place is bigger than the apartment," she breathed.

I felt the elation hit my toes when I saw the extensive tiled shower stall. "I know."

"I love having rich celebrities as friends," she muttered, petting one of the white, fluffy towels folded on the counter as if it were alive.

"When is Joe coming here?" she asked.

"Tomorrow. He's bringing the wife and kids."

She wandered into another room that looked like a small living room or a den with a gorgeous view of the barren ski slopes. "Why aren't you going to his house?"

My fingers skated over all the rich fabrics as I followed her path. Even the draperies were luxurious.

"Lisa wanted neutral ground, but by the looks of this place, she's got the upper hand. She also didn't want a public meeting in case things didn't turn out so well. It's Lisa's version of controlling the situation."

We wandered through the central living room, checking out the other side of the suite, getting lascivious smiles from the guys on our way through.

Hyunji breathed out a curse. "With accommodations like this, Lisa can get her control freak on any day she likes, as far as I'm concerned."

"I'm calling dibs on this room."

"Fine. They're pretty much identical anyway. I'm glad there's a huge room separating us." She gave me a nudge. "Just try to keep it down tonight, all right?"

I followed her out, noting that just looking at Lisa, standing there in a plain gray tee untucked from her jeans, was enough to make my heart skip a beat. "Hyunji, what say we make a bet?"

She turned, confused at first, before she caught on. "What kind of bet, Jennie?"

"First woman to fold."

Mike barked out a hearty laugh.

I put on my most confident smirk, even though I was actually quite tired. "I've got two hundred in cash. They can keep the time."

Lisa drummed her hands on the raised bar. "Yes! Now we're talking. I like where your head's at, hon."

Hyunji whipped her head around, looking for some support from Mike. I knew she didn't have two hundred dollars on her but Mike's reassuring nod said that he did.

Her long chestnut hair flew back around. "You're on."

--

I slapped two hundred on the polished six-person dark mahogany dining table right next to Hyunji's plate and kept walking. I knew I had lost so there was no point contesting it.

Mike started laughing to himself.

Lisa came out of our room, finger-combing her hair back. "Keep your comments to yourself, Murphy. She didn't sleep at all the night before."

I poured two cups of coffee, wishing I could mainline one right into my vein. Right after my second wonderful orgasm last night, I must have passed out. Let's just say after coming, the last thing I remember was going.

Mike slipped the bills off the table, folded them nicely, and tucked them right into Hyunji's cleavage.

She smirked, wearing my money like a booby badge of honor.

The momentary laugh was not enough to keep me calm. My nerves were on edge from the moment I woke up. What will he look like? Will I see any of me when I look at him? Will he turn out to be a ginormous ass, making me regret my decision to meet him? So many unanswered questions drew me away from the fun of losing our little contest.

I nearly sprang out of my skin when our room telephone rang later in the early afternoon. I knew the message even before Mike hung up. "They're here. They're being seated at the Chef's Table down in the restaurant."

Lisa cupped my face in her hands; her thumbs skated over my cheeks while her concern-filled eyes bore into mine. "No matter what, I will not allow this day to end on a sad note. Things go good—we invite them back to the suite here. Things go south—after lunch they go and we put it behind us. Okay?"

I nodded. "Okay."

"Okay, baby." She leaned down and took my mouth, dotting her vow with a kiss.

It was hard to breathe; I was filled with so much trepidation, it was stifling. Lisa led the way, holding my hand the entire time, almost pulling me along. She walked with confidence, as always. Those broad shoulders taking on my worry.

I noticed the two young girls first; their wide-eyed shock and amazement at seeing Lisa Manoban walking their way was almost comical. There was no doubt they recognized her since they were absolutely giddy with delight.

I don't know why I was surprised when I saw Joe for the first time. Maybe it was because I had only seen him as a lean and lanky teen with hair as black as midnight, but this solid man with the Tim McGraw vibe was not what I had expected.

My eyes traveled from his broad shoulders and tall frame up to his closely shaved goatee and matching short brown hair. His cheeks were glowing with a bit of a summer tan showing everywhere. As I approached, his eyes crinkled when she widened his smile.

All of the air vacated my lungs when I took in his deep brown eyes, which were a spitting image of my own. That moment of finally having some familiar facial recognition hit me hard, as if some force of nature had just slammed into my chest. I felt a sob bubble up and lodge in my throat.

Oddly, I had expected to meet someone older, considering he'd fathered me, but I had to remind myself that there were only sixteen years separating us. Joe was forty-four now but didn't look old enough to have a daughter my age.

As Joe's brown eyes scrunched, his hand tightened on his wife's shoulder, and I noticed his lower lip start to quiver. He stepped around his wife to make his approach. I could see the tremors tweaking his muscles, causing his steps to be somewhat shaky.

Lisa tugged my hand and pulled me in front of her body; her fingertips nudged the small of my back, releasing me make this journey on my own.

"Oh my baby girl," Joe stuttered out, sucking back his own sobs.

That's when I lost my tenuous hold.

Hot tears of my own started to fall. I didn't know this man from Adam, but something about him just felt so right. Next thing I knew, strong arms were surrounding me, his hand gripping the back of my head, burying my face into his chest.

"Twenty-eight years. I have never stopped thinking about you for twenty-eight years. Thank you for giving me this," Joe sputtered, keeping his voice low.

I nodded, unable to speak, feeling his pain, feeling his joy. I could only imagine what he must have gone through, having to give up his flesh and blood.

Joe took me by the shoulders, pressing me away from him a few inches. "Let me look at you some more. I can't believe it. I thought . . ." He choked up. "I never thought this day would come."

Knowing he was just as affected by this reunion as I was was a relief.

He drew in a short breath. "You look just like your mother, Jennie."

I found myself nodding and agreeing with him, even though I'd never seen a picture of the woman who gave birth to me.

"I wish she was here to see you all grown but I'm sure she's smiling down on us from heaven today."

Joe tried to wipe the tear from my cheek, which made me automatically wipe my own face. "It's nice to finally know where I got my eyes from."

He smiled wider, making me wonder what else we had in common.

While I gave his wife, Jill, a hug, Lisa and Joe shook hands and exchanged greetings.

After a nice lunch, Lisa extended an invitation for them to come back to our suite.

Hyunji was doing a wonderful job keeping the two young girls entertained while Lisa and I sat with Joe and his wife to have a private conversation.

Joe appeared sincere but cautious. "I can only imagine how hard this must be on you, finding out like that. I was under the impression that your dad destroyed all the records. I never thought he'd keep them."

I took a sip of my coffee, trying to disconnect myself a bit from the emotional overload. "He had it all together in a safe-deposit box."

Joe nodded. "My letters and everything?"

I set my cup down. "There was about two thousand dollars as well."

He scratched his head, mashing his lips together for a moment. "I'd always wondered if you got the money I'd sent. Figures your dad wouldn't spend a dime of it. Probably thought it was drug money or something."

Drug money?

His hand rubbed over his mouth. "I had some problems before I went into the army. Let's just say Uncle Sam kicked that shit out of my system quickly."

I had no doubt about that. "I have savings bonds for both your girls. I want them to have the two thousand dollars."

Joe held out a hand, ready to rebuke me, but I spoke over him. "Joe, it's for their future. I appreciate your generosity, but it's not necessary."

Joe's wife, Jill, overrode his disapproval. "Thank you, Jennie. That is very thoughtful of you. The girls will be going off to college before we know it so we'll make sure it goes to good use." Jill looked over at Lisa. "Although meeting you is going to be priceless to them. They haven't shut up about it since we told them. Our oldest thought we were playing a practical joke on her up until the moment you walked into that dining room. I can't thank you enough for all that you've given my family today."

Lisa smiled but waved it off as no big deal. "I'll make sure they get some pictures of us together to take back with them."

Both Joe and his wife seemed exceptionally pleased by that. Then Joe turned his attention back to me, studying me as if I were made of glass. "You probably have so many questions now."

That was an understatement. "I have so many questions, I don't know where to even begin."

Joe rested his elbows on his knees. "Ask me anything. Jill has a right to know, as well. I know I shocked the hell out of her, too"—he reached over and took his wife's hand—"but like I told her, I never thought I'd see you again, so what would be the point of upsetting her."

Jill gave him a reassuring smile, rubbing the back of his hand. "I'm not upset. You were a teenager, Joe."

Joe shrugged, seeming to want to atone for his sins. "A kid that got his teen girlfriend pregnant."

Lisa crossed her foot up on her knee and reached for my hand. "And for that, I thank you," she said, pulling my hand up to her mouth to grace me with a kiss. "You created the woman I love. There is no better gift than that."

Something silent seemed to pass between the two, a mutual understanding of sorts.

Joe seemed relieved. "At least I did something right. I'm glad to know she's in such good hands."

I felt a blush warm my cheeks. I was in the best of hands. How vastly different my life could have turned out had my parents not given me up. Bits and pieces of the army letters Joe had written to me came swirling back. All of them hinted at the fact that Joe was a bit of a hellion when he was a teenager.

I squeezed Lisa's hand. "You dated Kelcie in high school?"

Joe glanced at his wife, silently seeking her approval to talk about this. She gave him a thoughtful smile in return. "Yeah. She sat by me in math class. I used to cheat off her paper. We were fifteen when we started going steady."

I could see he was recalling fond memories.

"We were like kindred spirits; both of us were hell-raisers who hated our parents. When I got Kelcie pregnant, I honestly thought my life was starting over. I'd hoped that her mom would at least be understanding, but instead she kicked her own daughter out onto the street. And Kelcie's dad . . . that bastard ruled with an iron fist. To this day, I still think he used to beat her mom, but I could never prove it. Both of them were not good people."

Thoughts of having "not good people" as a set of grandparents I'd never meet crossed my mind.

"Anyway, I tried to get her out of there. We even thought that if she'd get pregnant my parents would take sympathy on her and let her move in." He laughed. "Yeah, that wasn't one of our brightest ideas."

Lisa sat forward. Something had unsettled her.

"Don't get me wrong, we both wanted you," Joe said, backpedaling. "It's just, well, my dad got laid off and my mom wasn't making all that much at her job. Kelcie tried to get on welfare to help feed you. We were just kids, barely able to wipe our own noses."

"I always dream about you having black hair," I said, unconsciously touching my hair.

Joe appeared taken aback. "You do? Huh. I wanted to be a punk rocker. My mom almost cried when I traded in piano lessons for a guitar with an anarchy sticker on it."

Lisa glanced over at me. "Well, now we know where your musical talents come from."

I smiled. My mom couldn't even tune the car stereo.

Joe's eyes widened. "You play?"

I nodded. "Started on piano and taught myself acoustic guitar."

Lisa brushed my arm, smiling. "And she's got a beautiful voice, too."

Joe seemed impressed. "Wow! That's excellent!"

After a few moments of silence, I went for the question that burned the most in my mind. "I dream about you quite often, Joe. Whenever I do, my dad, Dan, is always there, too. And you two are fighting. I mean, physically fighting. And then there's blood. Lots of blood. Your teeth, your mouth."

Joe winced, shaking his head. "Jennie . . ."

"No, I need to know. It's always the same dream and after all of these years, I need answers. I have nightmares—scary, horrible nightmares."

Lisa's mouth opened, realization dawning on her. I nodded at her silent conclusion, knowing I'd never fully explained why I sometimes woke up terrified. Now she understood. I squeezed her hand harder.

Joe stared across the short distance between his seat and mine, his lips mashed into a hard line.

"And they always end the same way. You say 'I'd never hurt you, baby girl' and then your teeth turn red with blood." I knew I was goading him, but I didn't care. It was time to find out just how fucked-up this situation really was.

Lisa's face fell, coated with pitiful sorrow. This was news I'd never shared before. I thought she might be miffed about finding out this way, but I'd just have to deal with her later.

"Jennie," Joe started, using a tone that was obviously a warning.

"No, I need to know. Why? Why do I have the same dream over and over again?"

He hesitated, holding his breath, but I was tired of waiting. My dream was always the same, and now I knew it wasn't just a figment of my imagination. I'd been recalling a memory over and over again.

"Just tell me. Please."

Joe huffed, then rolled his gaze back to me. "It was the Fourth of July, right before I shipped off to boot camp. You know your birth mom got killed in a car crash, right?"

I nodded. "Your mom told me."

Joe frowned, pained by this walk down memory lane. "It was right after Christmas when it had happened. You weren't even two yet. Your mom—Jennifer—and Uncle Dan, well, they were both doing well financially. He'd just gotten that big promotion at Corning and my parents were just about to lose the house."

I swallowed hard as answers started to fill the empty spaces.

"Aunt Jennifer wanted you real bad. And I did something really stupid. I . . . I was up to no good, and I got tangled up with the wrong sort of people."

I held up a hand, not wanting to know I was used as barter. "Is this the reason why our mothers stopped talking to each other?"

Joe's face blanked, and then he gave me one nod of confirmation.

"Jennie," Lisa groaned. I knew she was telling me not to feel guilty about that.

I gave Lisa my own pleading warning. I still had unanswered questions. "So then what happened on the Fourth?"

Joe hesitated, gazing at the ornate rug beneath his feet instead of answering.

"Joe, both of my parents are gone. I have a right to know the truth. What happened?"

"Nothing, really. It was a family picnic, no big deal."

Somehow I highly doubted that.

I could see him caving a bit more, his broad shoulders slumping. "I may have been a bit surly, considering the circumstances. Part of the agreement was that you were never to know that they weren't your natural parents. I had to swear I'd never reveal the truth. It"—he gasped, choking up—"it killed me to do that, Jennie. You were my baby girl. Mine. I held you from the moment you came out of your momma's belly and I promised you . . . I promised that I'd never stop taking care of you. I rocked you and fed you and read stories when you had colic and wouldn't sleep. And then when that asshole drove too fast on the icy road and smashed into us, I was all you had left. I knew we shouldn't have taken you out, but all we had to do was put you in that car seat and drive around a bit and you'd be out like a light. I couldn't just let them take that from me!"

Jill rested her hand on Joe's thigh to comfort him, her hand trembling slightly.

My own hand started to tremble as well. In the dream, I know I'm alone with him and I can feel him touching my hair, talking to me as if he's sorry. And then my father pounces, ready to kill him. Maybe my intimacy and fear-of-abandonment issues have atrocious origins?

I felt my chest tighten even more, fearing the answer to my next question. "Did you hurt me?"

Joe winced. "What? Oh, Lord, no. No."

"Then why did my dad hit you? He beat the crap out of you until you bled. He was a levelheaded guy. Why would he attack you so brutally?"

Joe was glowering at me, his breathing labored with his frustration. "Because I told you the truth! I told you about your real mom and I told you that I was your real dad and no matter what they did, they would never take you from my heart. You are my daughter. That's why!"