Sorry it's taken me ages to post an update. Life has got in the way! But you didn't think Rachel and Eddie would be over, did you? ;)

As ever, please read and review. Your reviews make my day!

12. Forbidden Comforts

February 2010 - N.B. Please note we're jumping slightly back in time…

After the Friday she'd had at work, it took all Rachel's courage to knock on the door in front of her. It was winter, and a brisk wind blew a chill. She stood in silence; accompanied only by a scraggly few fallen leaves scratching the floor in the icy breeze. In her hand she gripped the handle of the car seat in which a tiny baby lay, sleeping soundly and blissfully ignorant to her surroundings. She - Sophie - was the angelic, mousy-haired wedge that had driven these two apart. So precious and doll like, her features occasionally pained Rachel - Sophie was the mirror image of her father.

It wasn't before long that the door opened to reveal a man taken aback at the person in front of him. She was, clearly, not who he expected to see.

"Rachel…"

It was delivered with such muted surprise; whether it was a relief or dread he experienced she did not know. All she could recognise was his slightly rougher appearance. His characteristic casual attire was ever more casual, accompanied by his darling scruffy hair and some well-suited stubble.

"Hi…"

An air of awkwardness brushed them in what was only their second meeting since Sophie's birth. Rachel knew he was analysing her too - the longer, blonder hair, similar to that of the stranger he hated two years prior. He had probably clocked her exhaustion too, though would be uncertain if it was due to work or running around after Melissa.

Another beat dropped between them, and Eddie realised he had stood slightly aghast a little too long.

"I, er… thank you," he gestured towards Sophie, reaching to take her car seat from Rachel. "Sorry, I… I didn't know you were dropping her off."

"Oh…" Rachel added, falling flat, as the car seat left her hands. Melissa was unreliable, to say the least. "I thought Melissa had told you."

"No…"

It was textbook Melissa, with these two adults now standing awkwardly as victims of her beck and call. Eddie scoffed lightly - if anyone could best understand his disappointed yet unsurprised attitude towards Melissa's behaviour, it was Rachel. A small, caught out and disapproving smile met between them. Rachel got it, much to her annoyance. She wanted the ground to swallow her up.

"I'm sorry if she's given you the runaround."

"It's ok."

Rachel's response was short and sought closure. Secretly she recoiled at hearing Eddie speak on behalf of Melissa, apologising for her as if he was her keeper. Their relationship was nothing of the sort - it was non-existent, but this child acted as a small reminder of their history. Their connection would remain forever which, to Rachel, served as a repeated beating to the gut.

In Eddie's eyes, Rachel looked distant - occupied almost. Something about her was different, worn away, that went beyond the circumstances of their unfavourable meet on the doorstep. She'd forever be his favourite stresspot, but this time, she had an air of defeat about her. Despite adversity, Rachel usually had a glow that drew him to her. It was always subtly ethereal and goddess-like, even in the mundaneness of the everyday. But now, it had dimmed; tarnished. There was more to her that met the eye.

Again Eddie clocked that he had delayed his response a little too long. The coldness of the evening hit him, as did the realisation that Rachel was probably slowly freezing.

"Kettle's just boiled…" he gestured with his hand inoffensively, in some rough direction towards the kitchen. Sophie, meanwhile, peacefully remained in her carseat, sleeping, unaware that her aunt was about to be torn by this proposal.

Rachel knew that Eddie could see straight through her, even as the months had passed. One look was all it took for him to assess that things weren't all ok, and the way his glance fell on her at this moment told her all she needed to know. This wasn't just a bold move from Eddie, but a necessary one. Rachel, he knew, needed to talk. Secretly, Rachel was relieved, but apprehensive of what was to come next.

"Thank you."

It was the easiest defeat that Eddie had ever witnessed from Rachel. He was taken aback at her response, half expecting a few lines about the mountain of paperwork that awaited her attention, or how she had pretend Friday night meeting to get to. Sometimes the line she gave concerned Philip - whether there was any truth in her story Eddie didn't know. Similarly, Philip would never be one to give his aunt up.

As she stepped into the house, it flooded back to her. Her eyes met the photographs of Michael on the side, now accompanied by photos of Eddie's unexpected new daughter. The table lamp and books sat where they always were; car keys abandoned on the side. Eddie's house was just as it was, now littered with infrequent evidence of a baby.

Rachel followed Eddie to the kitchen, as if she didn't know where it was. She had become a distant, reluctant stranger. Eddie reached for two mugs out of the cupboard, only to have the quiet cut by the ringing of Rachel's phone. Drawing it from her pocket, she clocked the name and muted the call.

"Are you not gonna get that?" Eddie commented, a little uncertain. It was unlike Rachel to not rush to answer a call - it was usually work related.

"No… it can wait.," she smiled, unconvincingly. Eddie noted that her professional unbothered act was on, and the glass wall was firmly between them. 'Working distance' Rachel had once called it, after Eddie's sly hand had once met her leg in a meeting.

As he clanged around the cupboards for the sugar, the circumstances fell heavy upon them. There she was, standing in his kitchen, just as they always once did. It was not where she was meant to be at this very moment and Rachel knew it. The whirring of the fridge wasn't enough to drown out the screams of silence.

"How are you?" he asked, dangerously.

"I'm fine."

It was textbook Rachel. Eddie didn't know whether to laugh or sob at her aversion to him. How different this was to several months prior. He was now back at square one; a penalty for his mis-judged relationship with her sister.

"Really?" He pushed, gently, in preparation for her delay.

"Yeah, just… busy."

He had caught her, and Rachel was well aware of the fact. Their eyes met. Rachel began to get a little nervous, wondering whether Eddie would venture into uncertain territory. Her glance told him everything - to not dare go there, but somehow, that there was much teetering over the edge, ready for her to pour out. The boiling water tipped from the kettle, into the mugs.

"I know you better than that, Rach".

Rach. It panged at her. Her eyes met the floor in an attempt to maintain her composure. Eddie was only making a cup of tea, yet his subtle confidence - comfort - with her was surprising. It was beginning to escape their circumstances.

Eddie knew Rachel wasn't going to willingly give this all up for him, nor make it easy.

"Let me guess, work?"

He was met by a gentle scoff, followed shortly by a defeated nod of the head. He knew her too well. Rachel was, as of late, always stressed about work.

"What was his name… " Eddie tapped the kitchen top in mock frustration; the momentary absence annoyed him. He no longer knew the names of every being in that school building. Similarly it was a cautious attempt to avoid the silence and attempt to get Rachel to open up. "Max."

"Oh… no, not him," Rachel added, flatly. "He's long gone," she declared. "Well, sort of."

Eddie raised an eyebrow, prompting the extra detail he needed in clarification. He handed her the cup of tea, received with grateful thanks.

"Thank you," she added, taking a small sip. "Uh… things are generally a mess."

Familiarity flooded her - this school was their unthreatening point in common, which surprisingly put her a little at ease.

"Still got the LEA crawling all over us, plus the usual traumas," Rachel began. Eddie hung on the use of us, wondering who now graced his place. A hint of jealousy struck him. "And, Kim's just told me she's pregnant."

"Blimey," Eddie scoffed, unable to hide the plague of disbelief that now blessed his features. He took a moment or two to process the news. "Max?"

"Yup."

Eddie took this news in. Given the dramas of Max, which he had heard second hand from both Melissa and Philip, this was sure to drive a wedge between Rachel and Kim. He took a risk at humouring it in an attempt to assess feelings.

"Could be worse I guess… at least she's not nicking one this time."

Eddie was met with a brief death stare from Rachel - she was serious. He wasn't to go there. Despite Max being the father of Kim's child, Rachel still remained wildly defensive of her friend. Rachel dismissed his remark as a sign of her reluctant forgiveness.

"Yeah, it's been…" she paused, reflective, unable to finish her sentence. There were no words for how it had been. The scold of the tea in her hands was comforting; a protective barrier. "And," she mildly stressed, quietly. "I had to notify Kim's maternity leave to our new LEA rep who, unfortunately, is Max's wife. I had forgotten, right up until I said it."

Eddie cringed at the circumstances - it was a tricky one. Rachel had been dumped in the middle of personal business.

"Soon to be ex-wife?" Eddie queried.

"I don't know…," Rachel sighed - it really was a mess that she truly had nothing to do with. She was the professional figure caught in the middle; blurred lines. "She knows about Kim and Max but I'm not sure she's put two and two together yet. I'm hoping she doesn't, either."

Eddie took a moment to process the drama, placing the sugar and a few other bits in the cupboards. He was gently fussing, preoccupied, just as Rachel always did when she looked to plan her next moves. Sophie, snuggled in her car seat that was neatly placed on the dining table, began to stir. A tiny little grizzle left her, teetering on the edge of a sob. It caught Rachel's attention before her father's.

Before Eddie could turn his hand to Sophie, Rachel had quickly attended to her, tea still in hand, to free the baby's hands from the owl patterned blanket that tucked her in. Clearly it was the only point of annoyance for the small child, who quickly settled. As Rachel placed Sophie's arm back down, she clocked her prompt actions and Eddie's eyes on her. Rachel's quick and natural action took him by surprise, and she had acted without a thought. Mildly embarrassed, Rachel remembered that Sophie was not her child to fuss. She kicked herself at her disregard for the dynamics.

"Sorry," Rachel delivered, quickly, resting back to the countertop with her tea. Her action was to be forgiven; forgotten.

"No, …don't be." Eddie reassured, cautiously, with a small smile. Truthfully her actions warmed him inside - Eddie was doubtful he'd ever see a more beautiful sight. The woman he secretly still adored comforting the other little lady he loved endlessly. It was a sickening quick flash of what could have been; it was too comfortable, almost familiar. Real.

Eddie knew Rachel would be beating herself up, and he hoped his response would reassure her, yet he was only met with a reluctant, embarrassed smile in response. Moving on was the safest thing he could do to save her from self pity.

"I should put her down," he commented, stealing a quick glance at his watch. The early evening signified Sophie's bedtime. Eddie made his way to the small child, gently lifting her out and whispering to her in a lighter voice that Rachel not often heard. The only time it had ever surfaced was when he spoke to Michael. "Come on, little chops."

As the small child sat on his shoulder, drowsy, Rachel melted. Eddie gently stroked Sophie's back. Little chops.

"Back in a sec."

As Eddie ventured upstairs, she took stock of where she was. There was something wildly inappropriate yet comfortable about being in his house again, talking, like old friends. Feeling the warmth radiate through her cheeks, she removed her coat, placing it over the dining chair. She reached for her phone, messaging the caller.

Sorry Adam, I'm still with Melissa. Can we do dinner tomorrow night? R x

Rachel felt a little guilty, for Adam was a saint. Over a few short weeks, something had quickly evolved between them; his familiarity and warmth making her feel the safest she had done in a long time. He adored her, and similarly, she was falling for him. They had spent a lot of time together, plus the occasional full weekends, and had quickly become too familiar. Only now, taking a breather, could she reflect on how fast everything had all moved. Of course she was happy. He was straightforward, loving; at times dreamy. He gave her everything she could ever want. But now, Rachel didn't know why she had lied to him. Eddie was only Sophie's father, and Rachel was merely supporting her sister.

"She's out like a light," Eddie smiled as he reentered the kitchen. He noticed Rachel had now abandoned the coat in favour of just her jumper and jeans, and was preoccupied with her phone. Secretly Eddie was relieved, thrilled even - it was a sign that Rachel wouldn't be dashing immediately out of the door. She gave him a quick smile in acknowledgement, half absent - distracted - before finishing off her final message.

"More work?" Eddie quizzed.

"Oh, er…"

Rachel didn't know where to run. The apprehension brought by his question began to burn her up inside.

"Melissa?"

She paused at his second guess.

"No."

It was soft, in an attempt to let him down lightly, but it hit Eddie like a bullet. The phone call, the distracted texting - it wasn't Melissa or work at the end of the phone. He recalled that Rachel wasn't ever much of a texter, but he was always the only exception. A special exception, for reasons undescribed. Eddie, now long out of the picture, realised what this meant. His eyes clocked hers, to which Rachel looked pained; caught in the act. Eddie gave a small smile, a nod, pretending that he was totally fine with it all. He had no reason to be upset or offended. Rachel was no longer his.

"It's not like that."

Almost a whisper came from her, as if to help soften the blow. Rachel didn't know why she had said it. The reality was, it was very much like that. This new figure on the end of the phone now occupied the sanctuary of her bed as Eddie once did. Her statement came out, declaratory, in an attempt to squash Eddie's fears, though it had only served the opposite. Eddie realised his faux pas.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to pry."

It was his turn to be embarrassed. Eddie attempted to obliterate the conversation by turning his attention to the fridge, grabbing a beer. The tea was no longer cutting it.

"No, I'm sorry."

Eddie offered a gentle chuckle in disbelief at her response, and at the circumstances. There was no need for her to apologise. He asked a risky question and had suffered the consequences. Truthfully, he should never have asked.

"Why?" he asked, matter of factly.

"Why what?"

"Why are you sorry?" Eddie probed, mildly pained but with a smile in an attempt to hide his displeasure.

Rachel guiltily smirked, caught red handed like a child, realising that Eddie was in fact teasing her for her needless apology rather than for the circumstances. It was a habit - she was always too quick to say sorry, and Eddie always pulled her up on it. His careful jab helped to lift the mood, bringing by a comfortable air. For a brief moment, the old them had returned.

Rachel expressed her friendly annoyance as she put her phone back in her coat pocket. Eddie was always too good, and it infuriated her when he called her bluff at something. She couldn't be mad at him - he meant no harm. It was his natural cheek; a character trait that allowed Eddie to push the boundaries without punishment.

"Anyone I know?" Eddie asked, in dangerous yet non confrontational fashion, as he took a swig of beer. He watched Rachel secretly squirm at the question, and wondered whether she'd give him an answer. He prayed that this figure wasn't a mutual acquaintance; one of Waterloo Road's finest.

"No," she declared, quietly, catching his eyes in reassurance that she was telling the truth.

"Thank god."

The confidence of his response took Rachel a little by surprise, though she sought not to entertain it. She wanted him to leave it, and be done. Quiet briefly overcame them.

"Where did you-..."

"Eddie."

"What?"

"Let's just not." It was delivered by Rachel out of dutiful care, with a non-threatening smile. Eddie recognised she was protecting him and he pulled himself up, a little regretful of his bold questioning. There was no need for him to know the details of her new relationship.

"Sorry."

His response caused Rachel to laugh - they were as bad as each other.

"Now you're saying it," Rachel harmlessly jabbed, and she watched Eddie swear silently at himself.

"You know what I meant."

Eddie shook his head, dismissive of his fault. As the humour began to settle, the atmosphere relaxed. To his surprise, their previous awkwardness didn't bestow them again. He paused, reflective, looking at the woman in front of him. She simply stood there, beautiful, observing him sympathetically, waiting for his next lines. He, meanwhile, was still disappointed at the previous development - she was no longer his.

As he contemplated this, the feeling of loss washed over him, just as it did the summer prior. He longed for her affection and companionship, her prolonged hugs in the morning. Stealing five more minutes with her after the alarm went off was his favourite pastime. She was perfect, loving; intelligent and fiercely passionate. In a word, Rachel was irreplaceable, and he'd never get over what had happened. Life without her was quiet, and her absence was felt everywhere. He longed to erase the memory of time and take them back to the start of that school year. A clean slate. Eddie wouldn't ever have pushed her, nor sought the next best thing.

Now, with her in front of him, Eddie felt his catastrophic loss. For the first time, in a long while, the truth left his lips.

"I've missed you, Rachel."

Eddie's innocent words fell on her like a ton of bricks. For a split second, she had let her guard down and their old ways had surfaced. Rachel cursed her failure, which she knew had led to his admission. But with his delivery he didn't threaten her. Eddie's words rang gently true, and she resonated with them. Before she could stop herself, she had spoken an unexpected line back.

"I know," she paused, quietly, before quietly spilling her next line. "I've missed you too."

Eddie was surprised at her remark, expecting only a dismissal and a quick shutdown of his advances given the news of the mystery man he had come to know of. Eddie observed her after the fact, noting that Rachel didn't appear to be panicking or calculating her route out. Instead her eyes sympathetically held his, just as they used to.

Only now did he recognise that they were standing closer than he thought. Eddie scalded himself, regretfully thinking that Rachel may have assumed sourcing a beer from the fridge was an excuse to move closer. It was unintentional, innocent; they, as always, were drawn to one another.

The silence ensued, pausing them in time and pending the next fatal move. Their eyes remained connected, reading one another's, screaming something that was only a forbidden, split-second, tormenting decision.

Slowly, Eddie's fragile hand graced her cheek, smoothing to her jaw; Rachel's breath caught in her throat as his fingers threaded the hair behind her neck. It was too familiar; tempting.

"Eddie," she warned with only a mere whisper, reminding him of the circumstances. Eddie paused, offering an opportunity for her to reflect and retreat back at the thought of Adam. Instead he witnessed her contemplating her next move; a response to his unspoken question. Rachel didn't back away, and it was the only permission he needed.

In one dangerous, soft kiss, the memories flooded back. Almost touching, they hesitated. It was one final opportunity for either to escape. The taste of her was intoxicating, and he was hooked. They met again stronger, more urgent, and her hands snaked his neck. Suddenly, reality hit Rachel and she pushed herself away.

"No, …no," Rachel whispered, frustrated, but her level thinking prevailed. She shook her head, sadly, in disapproval at her actions, disappointed in herself. In a swift move she had betrayed her new relationship. "We're not doing this again."

Eddie gazed at her longingly, though sympathetic. He was unattached, free - this was an easy choice for him. In return to her dilemma, he said nothing. This was not his quarrel to mull over. He paused, waiting for her to resolve it; willing for her to make the choice he so desperately wanted.

"Why not?"

Rachel was surprised, wondering whether he was pretending to play ignorant to boost his advantage. Her reasons were seemingly simple. It was their history, Sophie, Melissa. Rachel's new relationship, and the feelings for Eddie she had just about buried. Everything in the universe screamed no.

"You know why…"

Rachel paused, expecting a response from him that never surfaced. Instead, she felt herself falling again, drawn to him, despite resisting it with all she had. His eyes on her were strong, loving, just as they once were. Rachel felt her hand be softly taken by his, encouraging and tempting, though slow in his movement. He was safe. Eddie carefully drew her back in, his lips brushing hers once, twice, and again with a cautious intensity. Rachel no longer fought it.

In an instant, they had shot back to where they once were. The same intensity, passion. He whispered his final words; fingers tempted the hem of her jumper to meet the skin in the small of her back.

"Just once more."