Clarke, Bellamy, Miller, Raven, Murphy, Octavia, Harper, Monty, Jasper, Jackson, Abby and Kane are back on the Ark after the Great War. Each remembers every detail of the life they lived on Earth. They take turns looking at each other, surprised to be back.
- Well, that's surprising. says Raven, breaking the tension in the group.
- Why do you think we're back? asks Jasper.
- I think we've been given an opportunity to do better. Clarke replies.
- Do you think we're the only ones? Asks Murphy, thinking of Emorie.
- On the Ark, I think so, no one had lost it when I went through the corridors and Jaha didn't tell me. But maybe there are others on Earth who remember. Kane replies.
Everyone ponders this thought. It might allow them to repair the mistakes they made the first time, to avoid reliving the same dramas. They all start talking at the same time, reflecting on the events that should be changed. Clarke calms them down and tells them that for now everyone should get used to this new possibility. Kane tells them that the dropship goes down in just 2 days. Everyone leaves, Jackson and Abby return to the medical bay, Kane to his office, Raven joins Sinclair in the workshop, Monty, Jasper and Harper head off to Harper's cabin for a chat. Murphy decides to simply walk while Miller goes to find his father. Only Clarke, Bellamy and Octavia remain. The siblings look at each other, none of them daring to take the first step. Clarke gives them both a hug.
- I'm glad to see you both again. I'm sorry I shot you, Bell.
- Don't apologize, it was my fault, I put Maddie in danger and you just wanted to protect her.
Clarke nods and Bellamy returns her hug.
- This time we'll do better. he says.
Octavia looks at them and eventually walks away, not really feeling like talking to her brother right now. She wanders the corridors for a long time, lost in thought. She never got to experience the Ark the first time around, locked up all her life in her family's cabin and then in the skybox. It's cold and gray, a far cry from the verdant nature of Earth. She misses feeling the sun's rays on her skin, the smell of fresh grass, even the rain. And Lincoln, ever since they returned, she hasn't stopped thinking about him and the fact that in just a few days she'll be reunited with him. She'll have to tell him about Bloodreina, about the dark year and the dark path she took when he died. She hopes that this time, she won't have to relive his death and absence. Turning into a corridor, there's a large porthole with an unobstructed view of Earth. She approaches it, places her hand on the glass and loses herself in thought. Seen from here, the Earth is beautiful, round, she can see the vast expanses of water, and much greener areas, she can't see the details, but her memories are fresh enough for her to picture them. She sits down on the edge of the porthole, and immerses herself in the contemplation of this future-past that awaits her.
Clarke joins her, having been there for a good hour, but she hangs back a little.
- Hey, can I join you? Clarke says, sitting opposite O on the edge of the porthole.
Octavia nods.
- It's beautiful from up here.
Octavia shrugs and replies, "It is, but it's also dangerous, unpredictable, full of enemies and deadly."
Clarke takes Octavia's hand and squeezes it.
- I know, but this is our home. This time will be better.
- Is it really worth it? Octavia asks in a low whisper.
- Yes, I'm sure it is. Things will be different this time. It will be better.
- People won't forget what happened.
- Maybe not, but we've all made mistakes. You're not alone, Octavia, you're not alone anymore.
- How did you cope when you lost Lexa? You'd just lost the person you loved and you still stood. How did you deal with the pain and the loss?
- It was hard, it still hurts, but I had no choice. I had to keep going, because nobody knew about us. Ontari had killed all the Natblidas and Arkadia was in Pike's hands. I had to put everything back in order before I could grieve. Then there was the City of Light, where I met up with Lexa again for a brief moment. Then Praimfaya came, I found Maddie and her presence helped me. I remembered the good times, the happy times and the love we shared. I wanted to honor her memory.
- But I couldn't. I think I was too broken, too lost and angry to continue standing.
There was a long silence, each of them lost in thought. Clarke finally breaks the silence.
- How are you? I mean, how are you really? asks Clarke.
Octavia waits a moment, then resumes the conversation in a whisper, without answering Clarke's question.
- Clarke... Are you going to find Maddie when you get back to Earth?
Clarke is surprised by the question, but understands the change in conversation.
- I don't... I don't know. I'd really like to have her with me again, but her parents died with Praimfaya, so for the moment, she's still with them. I'm not sure I want to separate them.
Octavia bows her head, understanding Clarke's concerns. But she hopes that she'll be able to find the presence of the one she considered her daughter near her again.
- O, you didn't answer my question.
- That's tough, Clarke. You know, when I saw you with Maddie, I was jealous. You had your child with you.
- I'm truly sorry, Octavia. What you went through was horrible.
- It was my fault. I was so angry, hurt and lost. I was angry at Bell, at you for not being there. God, I was even mad at Lincoln for dying. I should have been careful and more cautious. It's my fault my baby's dead, I'm the one who killed him. Octavia says in a weak voice.
Clarke wipes a tear from her cheek and takes the young woman's chin in her hands.
- No, it wasn't. It wasn't your fault. What happened to you was unfair, but the only one to blame is Echo. She's the one who stabbed you, who caused the baby's death. You're not responsible, okay? You understand it's not you? she says, looking into her eyes.
Octavia cries now, for Lincoln, for their baby who didn't have a chance to come into the world and for her.
- Let us help you O.
- It's just so hard, you know? Losing a child you've never met. And right after Lincoln died... It's like the universe is just playing a bad joke on me. When Hope was born, and I held her in my arms the first time, I wondered what it would have been like if she'd been mine. And then I watched her grow day after day and saw how much I'd missed. I couldn't bear it, Clarke. I can't go through all that again. To start all over again, to lose my babies and Lincoln again.
Just as she's about to answer, Clarke ticks off the mes. Her eyes widen in surprise. This wasn't the first time Octavia had lost a child. She looks at Octavia, but before she can ask her question, Octavia answers.
- It wasn't the first time. I had a miscarriage just before we took the Mountain. Lincoln and I never told anyone. We had to beat the Mountain, and then survive.
- I'm sorry, Octavia, I had no idea you'd been through all this. Then she adds. Things will be different, we're here to help and support you and Lincoln no matter what happens.
- I was devastated after my first miscarriage. I wanted to die and be with my baby. Lincoln stayed with me and didn't let go, and it was thanks to him that I managed to stay alive. But after his death and the loss of our second baby, I lost my mind completely. I know it doesn't forgive what I did, but it broke me so much, I was like dead inside.
Clarke hugs Octavia.
- I promise it won't happen again. You and Lincoln will have a healthy baby.
Starting over also means that this time your babies will have a chance to come into the world. We're going to change things and your miscarriages are part of that. I know it's complicated with my mother, but she's a good doctor and she'll be able to help you.
- Thank you Clarke, thank you for being here after all I've done.
- I'll always be here. We're all here, don't forget that. Even Bellamy. I know it's hard between you right now, but he's still your brother and he loves you.
Octavia resumes her contemplation of Earth. After a moment, she asks Clarke in a whisper:
- Was it a boy or a girl? I've always wondered, but I didn't have the courage to ask you. You're the only one who knows, you're the one who treated me.
- Are you sure you're ready?
Octavia nods.
- It was a boy.
Octavia's only reaction is more tears streaming down her face and hiccups. She imagines him, Lincoln's dark skin, his brown eyes, his exuberance mixed with his father's calm. He would have been a great kid, she has no doubt.
They both stay. No words could soothe Octavia's pain, so Clarke rubbed her back, hoping the gesture would soothe her somewhat.
Bellamy stood back, silently listening to his sister's conversation with Clarke. He'd never imagined what Octavia had gone through. Every word he heard stabbed him in the heart. His sister had never confided in him, so how could he have missed her suffering? Why didn't he understand that her pain went far beyond the loss of Lincoln? She had just lost the love of her life, and then their child. The last remaining link to Lincoln. He should be an uncle, spoiling his nephew. Instead, there's only pain.
He waits for Clarke to walk away. He has to talk to her to understand. Filled with questions and worry, when Clarke passes into the hallway, he grabs him by the elbow.
- Clarke, can I talk to you?
- Of course, Clarke. What's up?
- I didn't mean to, but I overheard your conversation with O.
- Oh. You heard everything?
- Yes, I heard it. Why didn't she tell me? His tone is tinged with sadness, his sister doesn't even know how to confide in him about one of the worst sufferings she's ever experienced. Why didn't I give her the chance to share her suffering with me? I'm her brother, she should have confided in me. Bellamy is hurt, he feels excluded.
Clarke looks at him, sees the pain on his face and the guilt of not being there. She's his little sister, he wishes he could have been there to help her.
- I had no idea. I had no idea she was going through so much pain, losing so much. I should have been there. he continues.
- I know, Bell, it's a lot. She didn't tell me about it after the operation. I told her the baby didn't survive and she never mentioned it again. I respected her choice not to revisit it. I think she thought she could handle it on her own. I should have come to you and confronted her about it, but Lincoln had just died and I didn't know how.
Bellamy looks down and runs a hand through his hair. He's missed Octavia's distress, blames himself.
- I blame myself so much. For hurting her by teaming up with Pike, for not being there, and for blaming her for the dark year. Abby talked to me, she wasn't the only one at fault.
Clarke nods, her mother has spoken to her and told her in detail what happened, it's much grayer than she first knew.
- I'm so sorry for hurting her, for hurting Lincoln and for hurting you. It must have been so hard for her to go through this alone.
Clarke puts a hand on her shoulder.
- This new chance gives us the opportunity to do better, and that's what we're going to do. We're going to be there for Octavia, and when push comes to shove, we're going to help her, together.
We're a family, we stick together.
- Do you think the baby can survive this time?
- I think we can stop Echo from hurting Octavia, that's what caused her second miscarriage. And we can prevent Lincoln's death.
- Do you think she'll lose her first baby?
- I don't know, I hope not, but if it happens, we'll be there to support them.
- Thank you, Clarke.
They hug, Clarke goes to her mother. Bellamy takes a moment to gather his thoughts before going to see his sister. He doesn't want to rush her, the subject is delicate. He finds her still sitting, staring out of the window. He approaches gently, not wanting to frighten her. He takes a deep breath and asks softly, "O, can we talk?"
Octavia turns suspiciously, she and her brother haven't had a good relationship since he came to rescue them from the bunker.
- What's on your mind? Her tone is more aggressive than she intended.
Bellamy hesitates for a moment, then tells her in a soft voice.
- I heard you and Clarke. About your miscarriages and Lincoln. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. For what I did to you. What I did to Lincoln. And to all of us. I should have supported you after Lincoln's death, when you came out of the bunker, I should have tried to understand.
Octavia feels the tears starting to fall again, and takes her brother's hand. She's waited so long for this moment.
- I forgive you. We've all made mistakes.
Bellamy nods, full of gratitude, hopeful that their relationship will mend. He waits a few seconds, takes a deep breath and asks her in a soft voice.
- How are you? About losing the babies? Is there anything I can do to help?
- Thanks, Bell, that's sweet of you, I appreciate it. It's going to take some time. It's hard for me to think about the future right now. Finding Lincoln will do me good.
Bellamy tightens his embrace around Octavia's hand, trying to support her silently. Words won't help ease the pain she feels.
- I promise this time, I won't hurt Lincoln. I get it, I won't come between you two.
- I know, Bell.
Octavia leans toward her brother to rest her head on his shoulder. She missed her brother so much, even when she was angry with him.
- And how are you?
- I'm good.
- And Echo. How do you feel about her? Octavia asks shyly.
Bellamy looks down, all sorts of feelings mixing up inside him.
- I'm angry with her. And betrayed. And hurt. She should never have hurt you. I want her to pay for that.
- Don't do anything stupid, big brother. She didn't know. Don't be the asshole you were when you were following Pike.
- I won't.
- That's why I was so mad at you when I found out you two were together after Pramfaya. I knew neither you nor Echo knew about the baby, but I was so angry with her, and I felt like you were betraying me by being with her. That my feelings didn't matter to you.
- I'm sorry you felt that way. I couldn't find my little sister in the person you'd become. But now I understand, I know why you did what you had to do. Abby told me the truth. I wish you'd known you could trust me and confided in me.
- It was difficult. I was ashamed and disgusted. When I had my first miscarriage, I felt like I'd betrayed Lincoln; I hadn't been able to give him the baby we wanted so badly. My body had betrayed me, I felt so bad. I was a warrior, but unable to be a mother and bring a child into the world. And after the dark year... what we did was... so horrible. I wanted to forget and give my people peace. Instead, I created a war.
- It's all right, O, it's all over. It takes him a while to continue the conversation. You must be looking forward to meeting Lincoln?
Octavia's face lights up, and between the streaks of tears, a smile forms.
- I am. I want so much to hold him in my arms, to have him close to me. I hope this time it'll be all right.
- I know it will. You belong together.
- What if he's mad at me? About Bloodreina? What about the baby? Octavia said in a whisper, expressing her fears.
- He loves you, O. No matter what you've done. You made it possible for Wonkru to survive. And Clarke's right, it's not your fault about the baby. He'll understand that and you'll survive this.
- I hope we do. Maybe I shouldn't tell him about the baby. I don't want him to suffer for something he can't change.
- He has the right to know O. He would have wanted to be there for you, don't push him away because you're scared.
They remain in silence for a long moment, just the two of them.
- I'm afraid it's going to go wrong again. I don't want to go through another miscarriage, I couldn't survive it, Bell.
- I won't. We remember, thanks to this, we won't make the same mistakes again. The circumstances were bad the first time, but Lincoln will be with you this time. And Echo won't hurt you.
- What if the problem is me? What if I can't have children? This question has haunted Octavia since her first miscarriage.
- Maybe you can ask Abby for advice? Bellamy is familiar with the relationship between the two women, but he hopes this second chance will allow them to put their differences aside, as it did for them.
- Clarke told me the same thing. It's so personal, I'm not sure I can tell it all again.
- You don't have to be alone, Clarke and I can go with you.
- Anyway, it doesn't matter. Pramfaya will be here soon, and the baby won't stand a chance if things go as badly as they did the first time.
- Kane and Raven suggest turning the Ark into a bunker, just as we'd planned. They're convinced it will work. Raven's going to talk it over with Sinclair and Wick, so if we get on with it when we get there, it'll be ready for Pramfaya. 100 people can stay inside, you won't need to go into the bunker. And if we can stop Nia from pulverizing the Mountain, it'll be another place.
- Maybe, but frankly, who'd make a child knowing what's going to happen?
- Someone who's already survived the horror and has a right to happiness. I know it's not ideal, but our first time on Earth has at least taught us that life can be short and everything can end quickly. There's always a reason to postpone, and it never ends. So if you want a baby, have one, and we'll deal with it as it comes. And know that I'll always be there for you, for Lincoln and for my future nephew or niece. The rest of you too.
- Thanks, big brother.
He puts an arm around her shoulders and pulls her to him for a kiss on the top of her head.
- We're going down in less than two days, so you should see Abby first. All the medical equipment might not survive the crash.
Octavia nods, "Tomorrow. Will you come with me?"
- Of course.
- Clarke is giving a list of equipment we may need on the ground, Kane asked me to do the same for weapons. Can I leave you to it?
- Yes, that's fine.
- Come and see me if you need anything.
- I will. I'm going for a walk. Explore.
Bellamy laughs.
- You know, it's the same everywhere. Gray.
- I noticed that.
- There's still some of your stuff in the cabin, so you can go and get what you want. Monty suggested we have dinner tonight. Would you like to come? You don't have to if you don't feel like it.
- I'll come, it'll be nice to be all together before all hell breaks loose.
- See you tonight then. He gives her a kiss and heads for Kane's office.
Octavia spends a moment reflecting on what has just happened. Confiding in Clarke and her brother has done her good, even if the pain is still there. For the first time in a long time, she's optimistic that this time the future will be better. Tonight's dinner worries her a little, but if they're back here to change things, she has to put her grudges aside and move on. That means forgiving Kane and Abby for the dark year. It won't be easy, but she's willing to make the effort for all of them. She gets up and follows the long corridor to the left. It's cold and impersonal, the opposite of life on Earth. Eventually, she reaches the infirmary and sees Abby, Jackson and Clarke talking. She could go home and ask Abby to check her out, but it's too soon; tomorrow, surrounded by her brother and maybe Clarke, she'll feel better. The rest of the day passes quickly, and she visits Raven in the workshop. Raven, Sinclair and Wick are modeling the changes to be made to the Ark's structure to make it impervious to radiation. Even though the two men have no memory of their previous lives on Earth, they listen to the young mechanic, and with Kane's support, they decide to trust her.
- How do you feel about being on the Ark? Raven asks Octavia.
- Really strange. I've never walked the corridors of the Ark, except for the time I was arrested and before I got on the dropship. It's all new to me.
- I suppose you can't wait to get down to Earth and find Lincoln and Indra.
Octavia nods with a small smile.
- Yes very much, on the one hand I hope they'll remember and on the other I think it might be easier if they don't.
- You know, no matter what's happened, we've all made mistakes, every one of us. No matter what you've done, Lincoln loves you and Indra considers you his daughter, so I don't think you have to worry.
Octavia thanks her, says they'll see each other in the air at dinner, and leaves.
Instead of eating in the cafeteria as he usually would, they dine in a meeting room, to attract less attention. As Octavia gets near the door, Bellamy arrives behind her. The others are already at the table.
- I went quickly to the cabin. I wanted it tidy and Mum's bed made.
- Oh thanks Bell, I hadn't even thought of that.
- I figured, you've got other things to think about.
He takes her hand and they both walk towards the table. Glances turn toward them, but nothing as hostile as Octavia had feared. As they approach the table, Clarke beckons Octavia to come and sit next to her. She takes her seat as Bellamy settles in beside Kane. The conversation between Harper, Monty, Jasper and Miller is light. Clarke smiles at Octavia. Despite all the years she spent with them in their first life on Earth, she feels out of place, like she doesn't belong there. Raven tries to make conversation with her. Abby and Kane haven't spoken to her yet. She's content to respond in monosyllables. The food is good, a far cry from the white mush she was served when she was in the Skybox.
- We'll make sure the troublemakers from the first time can't get on board. For years, Jaha has been hiding certain compromising elements to keep certain people under his thumb. We're going to get them out, and while you're on the ground, Jaha will be deposed. We're going to prevent Diana's attack and we won't ask people to sacrifice themselves, knowing that Earth is viable. Says Kane, loud enough for the whole group to hear.
Everyone agrees. The group of 100 who will descend will remain the same. The others are still talking about the changes to be made, Bellamy looks at Octavia, she's hardly picked up a word from the meal except for exceptions to Raven. She seems lost in thought. Dinner over, everyone returns to their apartments. Octavia waits until Clarke is alone and then goes to talk to her.
- Can I ask you a favor?
- Of course you can.
- Could you come with me to see Abby tomorrow? It's difficult to talk about and I'm not sure I can do it alone. Bellamy offered, but I'd like you to be there too.
- Of course I will.
- Thank you, Bellamy. See you tomorrow.
They hug, and part. Octavia finds Bellamy in their cabin. He's sorting out his things, probably preparing his bag for the descent.
- I put your things on Mom's bed. Kane lets us take what we want.
She approaches the bed, a few clothes, two books she's read over and over again in all the years she's been cooped up here. And Babin, the cuddly toy her mother gave her when she was a baby. She sits down on the bed and hugs her. It's in bad shape, but she can easily repair it with sewing thread. Bellamy comes and sits beside her.
- You should take it. The baby will need a comforter to go to sleep. He tells her gently and gently, not wanting to push too hard for fear of rushing her and losing the improvement in their relationship.
- Nothing says there'll be a baby.
Bellamy sighs, puts his arm around his sister's shoulders to pull her closer to him and give her a hug. He hopes Octavia can get pregnant and have a healthy baby, but without Abby's diagnosis, he feels his sister doesn't really have much hope left. He's never really seen her smile since Lincoln's death, and even after all these years the guilt still gnaws at him, if he hadn't allied himself with Pike, things would have turned out differently.
- Pike won't go down. Kane has found something to float him.
Octavia looks at him surprised, but releases a breath of relief. If Pike isn't there, Lincoln has a chance of staying alive.
- Do you want me to give you Mom's sewing kit so you can fix it? Bellamy asks, glancing down at the stuffed animal still imprisoned on Octavia's chest.
- Yeah, babies love stuffed animals.
This simple little sentence lights a faint note of hope in Bellamy's heart. After retrieving the kit, Octavia plunges into her task. Stitching up every piece of Babin that falls to shreds, she salvages fabric and fills in the holes. She looks at the result: not perfect, but certainly better than her original state.
- I've asked Clarke to come with us to see Abby tomorrow.
Bellamy tells her it's a good idea. He returns to his things, Octavia sorts through hers, takes the clothes, puts them in her bag. Under the pile, she notices a new notebook. She picks it up and turns to Bellamy to ask what it's doing there.
- It's for Lincoln, for his drawings. It won't change the fact that he died partly because of me, but I wanted to make a gesture.
- Thanks Bell, I'm sure he'll be pleased.
She puts it in the bag. They spend the rest of the evening getting their respective things ready.
It's been a restless night for Octavia, the nightmares never leaving her, the dark year, Lincoln's death, the loss of the baby, all mixed up, each image taking her into a spiral of fear and unhappiness. She wakes with a start on her mother's bed, her hand going to her throat as she struggles to catch her breath. Bellamy joins her instantly, sitting down beside her and running a hand down her back to soothe her.
- Are you all right?
Octavia nods, unable to utter a word. The tears spill down her cheeks unstoppably. Someone knocks on the door. Octavia beckons Bellamy to open the door. She gets up, dresses and tries to gather her thoughts. Bellamy returns with Clarke in tow. She immediately notices Octavia's confusion. Clarke stares at Bellamy, who simply shrugs his shoulders.
- I talked to my mom, she's waiting for us in the infirmary, if you still want to go?
- I'll be right there, just give me a few minutes.
They both leave. Clarke gives Bellamy a questioning look.
- Nightmares. Apparently, they happen quite often.
- Given what she's been through, it's pretty normal. How you been?
- My girlfriend killed my sister's baby. I've been better.
Octavia leaves the cabin just before Clarke answers, which relieves her. What's the answer to that?
The three of them make their way to the infirmary. Abby is tidying up the medical bay.
Clarke told me you wanted to see me. Her tone isn't hostile, but there's no warmth in it.
Octavia nods, looks at Clarke and then at Bellamy, unable to get the words out of her mouth. Bellamy takes her hand to encourage her. Clarke breaks the silence.
- He's a delicate one, can we talk in private?
Abby directs them to an examination room. Clarke silently interrogates Octavia with his eyes, who purses her lips and nods. The air in the room is palpable.
- Mom, Octavia needs you. We all have to make an effort, I know it's difficult between you. But she wouldn't be here if it wasn't important.
Abby blows: Okay, I'm listening. Have a seat.
- The first time we were on Earth, Octavia had two miscarriages.
Abby is totally flabbergasted by this revelation; she'd never imagined she'd been through such an ordeal. She looks at Octavia and asks: "When?
- The first time was before we took the Mountain. I was about eleven weeks pregnant, according to the healer. I felt a violent pain in my belly during the night, and when I got up, I saw that I was losing blood. Lincoln immediately took me to see the healer, who told me that I was losing the baby and that there was nothing to do but wait until everything had been expelled.
- I'm sorry you had to go through that. Why didn't you come to me?
- There was nothing to do. The baby was gone and the Mountain was a threat. She doesn't mention the period of depression and her wish to die.
- And the second time?
Octavia takes a deep breath.
- It was after Lincoln died. I realized I was pregnant a few weeks later. Fourteen weeks according to Nyko, the first trimester was over, I thought it would go well. Then Echo hurt me on the cliff. What happened after that is vague, all I remember is waking up in Arkadia and Clarke telling me the baby hadn't survived.
Abby feels tears welling up in her eyes. If she had known, things would have been different, she could have helped him through it during the time in the bunker, she would have understood better.
- I'm so sorry. How pregnant were you?
Clarke chimes in: Five months.
Abby swallows hard. She looks at Octavia with eyes full of compassion. As a mother, she can't imagine how she would have felt if she'd lost Clarke before bringing her into the world.
- You want to know if it could happen again.
Octavia nods.
- We'll run some tests. Bellamy, you can wait outside. Clarke, are you staying?
She beckons Octavia to take her place on the medical bed. As she draws her blood, she says: "If it makes you feel any better, I don't think your miscarriages will interfere with a future pregnancy. When we returned to the Ark, we came back in the bodies we had before coming down to Earth. Which means your body has never experienced pregnancy or miscarriage.
- Why did this happen? The first time, the healer told us that everything was fine, and then suddenly it wasn't. Most of the time, it's due to an accident.
- Most of the time, it's due to a malformation or a genetic problem. I'll do a genetic analysis with the blood test. Abby turns to look at Clarke. How did it go the second time?
- O had a deep gash in her abdomen, I didn't know she was pregnant. I found out during surgery. I... I looked for the baby's heartbeat, but there wasn't one. Clarke said, shedding a few tears. Octavia was losing a lot of blood, so I did a C-section.
Abby nods and soaks up all these revelations. She's sad for Octavia who found herself alone in such an ordeal, and at the same time she's proud of Clarke for managing this delicate situation.
- We'll do an ultrasound to make sure everything's normal. Lie down and lift up your shirt.
Octavia complies. Abby prepares the ultrasound machine, wipes the salty drops beading on her cheeks. Fuck, this life on Earth has been really shitty. She wasn't very close to Octavia at the time, but good God as a doctor, she should have seen that something had changed. She's angry with herself for missing something so important. She does the ultrasound. Examines Octavia physically.
- She agrees. According to the tests, there's nothing wrong.
- Then why did it happen? Twice. Octavia asks in a whisper.
- The first was perhaps due to a malformation. And the second time was your injury, which must have been too severe. Your body couldn't take the shock. She takes Octavia's hand. What happened doesn't mean it'll happen again. We'll take whatever steps are necessary to make things right. Things will be different. Promise me one thing. Octavia nods. Whatever happens, come and see me. To find out if you're pregnant and to monitor your pregnancy. I know the situation between us has been complicated by what happened in the bunker. But it's important that you have regular check-ups.
- I promise. Thanks, Abby.
- I don't suppose you've ever been vaccinated?
Octavia nods.
- It would have to be done. On the Ark, most contagious diseases have been eradicated, but that might not be the case on Earth. They're dangerous for both mother and child during pregnancy.
- Okay. That's all Octavia can say. She's surprised by Abby's reaction, but also relieved that a future pregnancy might go better. Abby prepares and injects the vaccines.
- Do you want me to give you a contraceptive injection? The effect will last 3 months. It will prevent your first pregnancy and miscarriage. There's nothing we can do about genetic problems. I know it won't erase what happened, but it won't happen again.
Octavia thought about it and finally agreed. If there's anything she can do to avoid reliving this ordeal, she must do it.
- Won't that stop me getting pregnant afterwards? she reassures Abby.
- No, it won't. It'll only last 3 months. And there's no effect on pregnancy afterwards.
Octavia is reassured. Abby gives her the injection, a kind smile on her face, and when she's finished, she hands Octavia a box of pills.
- These are vitamins, and I want you to take them every day. You need to stay healthy. We'll keep a close eye on your pregnancy. I'm going to bring down any supplies I might need. Do you mind if I let Jackson in on this? He's a good doctor and can take over if I'm not there? Seeing that Octavia doesn't answer right away, she hastens to add. He, too, is bound by professional secrecy and won't tell anyone. But having the opinion of two doctors is sometimes better.
Octavia finally agrees.
- Thanks, Mom. Clarke says, hugging her mother.
Octavia steps down from the table. Abby gives her the final instructions: Eat properly, of everything, even if it's difficult. Rest and don't force yourself.
When they come out of the examination room, Bellamy is waiting for them, having been pacing up and down all this time.
- Is everything all right?
- Yes, everything's normal. Abby tells him.
He takes his sister in his arms.
The next day is devoted to preparing the dropship and all its supplies. Clarke and Octavia are putting away the survival rations Kane gave them. Several bags are scattered around them, filled with provisions, the medical supplies Clarke has requested and the weapons Bellamy has decided to take. As they bustle about, Clarke can't help noticing Octavia's worried look. She wonders how her friend will decide to deal with her injuries and what she wants to reveal to the others or not. Clarke feels helpless in the face of Octavia's pain. She wishes Octavia could share her pain with someone.
Biting her lower lip, Clarke gathers her courage, takes a deep breath before addressing Octavia.
- O is this... are you going to talk to Lincoln about the baby?
Octavia stops what she's doing. She looks at Clarke, her eyes filled with sadness.
- Bell asked me the same question. I wouldn't know. Losing the first baby was hard, so telling her we had a son who didn't survive would hurt more than anything.
Clarke approaches her friend gently, and places a comforting hand on her shoulder.
- I understand O, but you can't go through this alone. It was her child too. You have to get through this together.
Octavia looks away.
- What if this changes everything? What if he's mad at me?
Clarke gently takes Octavia's face between her hands, forcing her to look at her.
- It wasn't your fault. Lincoln really loves you, he'll always be with you. You have to let him be able to help you.
Octavia feels confused. She knows she has to be honest with Lincoln, but she's really scared. But maybe sharing her burden with him might ease her a little.
- I'll think about it.
Clarke nods, thinking about telling Lincoln is the first step. The two friends hug, then resume their tidying up in silence.
The big day has arrived, the dropship goes down today. A mixture of excitement and nervousness runs through the group. Clarke kisses his mother, hugs Kane and says goodbye to Callie, his godmother. Miller hugs his father; he knows he'll see him again, but he's worried all the same. Monty embraces his parents. Bellamy smiles at Octavia, shakes Kane's hand and climbs into the dropship. Seeing that Octavia looks preoccupied and anxious, she approaches her. She approaches her with a kind smile.
- I know it's hard and scary, but everything's going to be okay. I've had the results of your blood test - everything's normal, no genetic problems.
- I'm not sure I'm ready for this. she whispers, her voice full of concern.
- You're not on your own. They'll always be there. she says, pointing to the group. Your brother too, and even if you doubt it, Kane and me too. And Lincoln and Indra. None of us will let you down.
- Thank you, Abby.
They embrace. The group climbs aboard. A few minutes later, the dropship is launched.