[17th December 2009]

[House of Masters Family, Liverpool]

"Oh for fucks sake we're only here five hours John. Five hours! How the fuck do you have a problem when I haven't let you out of my sight since we got the flight?" I muttered bringing my face into my palms. Oh why couldn't someone else have been given Constantine-minding duty this time around?

Really it'd seemed reasonably simple; escort the walking disaster zone from the airport to his sister's house in Liverpool along with Ms. Kathryn Ryan, stay a few days, escort him back...and bam!...extra money from the hazard bonus for the Christmas. That plus the fact we, well the government, were sorta obliged to watch our recruit when he was back in the UK since he was on the payroll and, more importantly, the Brits knew he was on the payroll right now.

And knowing John Constantine if left unchaperoned he'd likely end up setting fire to random buildings, unleashing demons/ghosts/elementals on some poor fuckers, or possibly horrifying variation thereof. How managing to get to his sister's house, have a slightly awkward meal, and then going into the sitting-room for half-an-hour turned into 'a problem' I don't know. Because his 'a problem' (s) tended to involve souls and demons and things being on fire. I groaned "Five fucking hours John!"

I could hear him huff defensively "This ain't me fault!"

"It's nearly always your fault I find" I muttered back in reply resting my arms on my knees and looking back up at the Englishman. I sighed "Okay, right...what problem have we got?"

"Well, see, Gemma in there...well she's been messin' about with magic and well..." he waved his hand in the air as if that made everything make sense. Honestly...what?

"Huh? How's that a problem? I'm messing around with magic for Gods sake! So are you!"

He gesticulated at himself, at me, at the doorway to the hall "Yeah, but your...like...an aspiring supervillian or summin'...and I'm well...a Constantine, an...can't be that way fer Gemma. She's a sweet kid, an' and shouldn't be messin' around with stuff like that!"

Okay now he was starting to fucking annoy me.

"I am not an aspiring super-villain you fucking idiot...and as if you didn't quality for that title...godsdamnedidiots andtheirfuckingstupid...fucking hell...right, right, okay. Right, sooo...your problem is your niece is learning magic huh? Why are you telling me this and how does it involve me? This seems a family matter been honest"

Because I really prefer not to have to deal with this situation, or this idiot's family, when I could go home and visit my own for the holidays. It was very clear to me Mr. and Mrs. Masters did not like magic much, or John (which I could understand) very much, and by those factors not me very much either. I actually got the impression that her brother suddenly getting into gainful employment (even if she didn't know the exact details) based on said magic aggravated rather than reassured that attitude as best I could tell. Looking at it now this probably explained why she'd invited this idiot and his girlfriend (and me, the Chaperone) over for a pre-Christmas dinner...

"Well, see, this boy she knows gave her a curse and Cheryl caught her...well, before Gemma could do anything stupid lets say...and I think this fella needs a wee talking too. And well, you and yer age and yer gear might make a nice impression on him considerin..."

I just...groan as I push myself off the sofa and wave my own hands at the idiocy suggested "Oh for fucks sake...I am not going to terrify some godsdamned twelve year because he and your niece are doing unsupervised magical stupidity. In fairness she's your bloody niece! How does she not know about magic and the dangers of it?"

Really should have kept the voice down in retrospect as I found myself snapping at Blondie McStupidhead before his sister entered from the kitchen with an unhappy look upon her face. The happy tone out of her mouth further indicated her displeasure as she glared at me...John...mostly John...

"John this is your way of helping? A boy not more than a few years older than my Gemma and already a bad influence on him about this magic madness..."

And here's an anti-magic rant as I just stand there uncomfortably as she berates my in-theory 'mentor' about being a bad influence and corruption and...other things...while her voice goes up a few octaves as he mutters back apologies. It wasn't quite a shouting match, but after a few more moments my temper was starting to rise at the bullshit coiming out of both their mouths. Maybe stupidity ran in the family?

"Oh for fucks sake, this is fuckin' retarded...your both being fucking stupid!" I snapped after the latest snide, embittered comment likely referring to me "Sticking your hands over your ears, closing your eyes, and pretending magic doesn't exist does not make it not exist! Your bloody daughter didn't get into magic because of this imbecile here...but because of some boy in her class! Ergo magic is going on around you and she should have bloody well known better from the start. I fuckin' know better and I'm half your ages you bloody...arrghh!"

I caught myself and took a deep breath as both of them just stared at me as I waved my arms wildly at them at the stupid coming from their mouths as I refused to let myself be turned into a character from Harry Potter. Calming down was good. Calming was nice. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

"Ahhh...right, okay...right, calm now...you know all of this is dumb right? Both of you do right?" I muttered once again realising tact wasn't my greatest talent right now. John took it in stride as he, like the others, were used to me snapping at his stupid, while his sister glared at me but remained civil likely due to surprise as she followed her arms across her chest angrily.

"I know magic is dangerous and vile and leads to tragedy! Just look at my brother here and what it's done to him! I'm not letting my Gemma go down that path!"

I mimicked her posture and glared backed "Ohh boo hoo, he's got a well paying job because of his magical talents and saves idiots from the stupid shit they sign with demons. People are stupid and his problem isn't that magic is inherently terrible it's that's he's a fucking walking disaster zone because he's John fucking Constantine! Sure he blames magic but he's the problem, not magic itself"

"Hey!" an unhappy voice started to say but I continued on over it.

"See look he just wanted me to threaten some bloody newbie wannabe teenage mage from her class rather than...I dunno...sitting down with your daughter and having an intelligent conversation about the do's and don'ts of magic usage and things like curse boards. I'd also do the same with Johnny Dumbass who gave her the damned thing before he gets himself in real trouble down the line!"

She glared at me a moment, then turned and narrowed her eyes at her brother "JOHN!"

"Heh, heh, Cheryl...liuk, I was...just thinkin' of Gemma and...persuading...yeah persuading a misguided young man to give up on a dangerous path! Yeah...yeah, just that! Alrite?"

I snorted "Uh-huh, sure you were. Look, your family, your business but insulting me and my craft is dragging me into it...and my civic duty to avoid schoolchildren running around with magical equipment and no training. That would be bad I expect. Look, can I just suggest I maybe talk to your daughter and magic...and she's standing over there staring at us crying...umm...Hi! We were...ugh...just talkin about you would you believe?" I finished waving awkwardly at her as she leaned against the doorframe tears coming down her cheeks. Honestly...what the fuck was I supposed to do now?

I'll admit I should be able to deal with her since she was maybe three or four years my junior, but it was easier to deal with adults I found in my new role in life. After all I was a random strange teenage boy her Uncle had dragged along, who evidently worked for the government, and now was talking about her dark and evil secret via shouting at said uncle and her mother. I'm sure I was on her Christmas card list already!

Not.

Her mother moved towards the glare fading away "Gemma, hun, it's okay shhhh...come over here to yer Mama and we'll sort this all out I promise. Uncle John and his friend are here to help...once John starts talking about what he was thinking of doing..."

Oh this was going to be a long night. One filled with unhappiness and a crying teenage girl. Really couldn't we just line up a battle with a ghost or possessed dude instead? Something less uncomfortable and terrifying than what all this was shaping up to be.

'What should I do now brain?"

Run screaming from the building!

Wait...recruit a new minion! I mean apprentice!

Get Drunk!

'Oh thank you, that was very helpful. Fuck me' I thought as I sat back down and tried not to look as awkward and uncomfortable as I felt. Fun times ahead. Fucking John...this was all his fault.

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