Tony knew he wasn't a good father.
He met his daughter when she was fucking 5 for god's sake. He barely saw her when Penny was growing up. He was short of one finger to count the birthdays he had missed, not even counting the one before he met her, but mostly Tony knew he was a bad father for one thing. Penny's eyes.
Those eyes that were so like his yet so different, those eyes that made him melt. The way they looked at him, when he was leaving, when he apologized, made it more obvious. He was a bad dad.
He loved his daughter, with all his heart, but he wasn't ready. He wasn't father material. Tony would screw up, hurt her, so he kept his distance
Years later he would realize that his absence hurt the most.
Tony never wanted to turn into his father. That was actually his life goal, to not turn into him, but in the end he kinda did.
He remembers the time he said screw it to his fears and tried to be there for his daughter. The thing was, Penny was so depressed, she barely noticed him. Tony really wanted to be there, not only on hard times but daily.
His fears won again, and he left. Tony wasn't proud to say that he left her when she still needed him, but he had to. There was Ultron and the Avengers and, in the end, it was just a fuck up. Besides the fact that a stupid spider guy was running around Queens with no information on who she was.
Tony honestly wishes he hadn't found out.
It would be repetitive to say he wasn't proud of something he had done concerning her daughter, but he was ashamed of how he reacted with her being Spider-girl. The moment Penny left to stay with her mother felt as one of his biggest failures as a father. He understood she needed time, and space, so he stayed there, and hoped she would come back.
He would never forget the words Mary had said when she came to pick Penny up.
"I don't know what you did, Stark, and I honestly don't care, but you lost. Neither you nor I are good parents, and where Penny decides to stay isn't on who is better it is on who is worse."
"At least I didn't leave her on a front step, you do know she still remembers." He wasn't going to say anything to Penny about her decision, but that didn't mean he was going to be civil to Mary.
"Yes, I know. But, for her to decide to stay with me, you should have done something worse."
When the time came, they talked about everything, and they came into an agreement. For a while it was fine, Penny came to his lab, he even built one for her as her sixtieth birthday, one he had actually gone to. He was feeling their relationship was going somewhere. So, of course Rogers had to go and fuck it up.
Tony felt like shit, he barely ate, slept or anything important for surviving. He was damaging his family, he noticed, so he grew apart. He spent weeks in his lab and prohibited FRIDAY from letting anyone come in, especially Penny.
Penny, his amazing daughter, who he loved but couldn't protect. Who says she wouldn't end up like him? With a team of heroes who would betray her.
So, he took her suit, with no explanation.
Penny was mad. She begged him to talk with her, but Tony wouldn't.
After she almost got herself killed by the Vulture trying to save his plane, he realized he couldn't protect her. Penny would still run off no matter what she was wearing as long as it covered her face to save people. She was amazing like that.
Tony apologized and gave the suit back, but nothing more.
Everything went back to what it was, except he involved himself with Spidergirl. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad.
Then Brucey Bear came. It all went to shit.
The wizard was coming awfully close in replacing Rogers in person who annoys Tony the most. If he flirted a little with him, no one had to know. Except his daughter than send him disgusted faces all the time. No different than Rogers really. Tony couldn't think on a way to make this situation worse. The Hulk wasn't cooperating, and there was no one to help him, until the Rogues show up. If they did. Of course, his beautiful daughter had to take that as a challenge.
Spidergirl being there solve the problem of people, but he didn't sign up for that. He signed up for rescuing cats and helping ladies cross the street, not going to space, so Tony sent her home. Or he tried. Penny disregarding his authority,as always, managed to get into the spaceship anyway.
When they made it out of here, because they would, he would take the new suit and the old suit that he made with all the kindness in his heart and then turn her to dust.
Strange then decided to be all secretive and went to do some weird shit. He came back with the news that they would surely lose.
The Tony of eleven years ago, would have said fuck it and then go get drunk waiting for the end.
Now, Tony looked at his right, where his daughter stood, and with all the strength he could master he spoke.
"In which one will we win."
The plan had many flaws, that's true, but it should work. It should have worked.
In the last minute, Strange saved his life. They were close, so close, if only Quill hadn't let grieve control him. If only he had done something different. There were many if, but only one reality, they lost. Tony hoped with all his heart that the others would be luckier.
The answer came sooner than he had hoped.
Mantis warned them, just to disappear seconds later. Drax then Quill, who Tony tried to give as much comfort as he could.
Strange had more time, enough to deliver some last words of wisdom. Only way? What does that mean? There were so many questions and no answers. He was deep in his mind when he heard a voice.
"Dad." There was only one person in the world who would call him that at the time, but that was wrong. While in the suit Penny never called him by that tittle, 'Mr Stark' there and 'Mr. Stark' that, but never dad.
"Papa, I don't feel so good." What was she talking about? His heart shrank at her voice, like when she was little, and she would wake up from a nightmare. This couldn't be happening, not now, not ever. She was all right, and he told her so. Even and they both knew she wasn't.
Penny, his little girl, reach up to him, but her legs gave up, so he had to catch her. She was begging, begging for him to save her, and he couldn't.
The last think she said was "I am sorry."
As if this was anyone ́s fault but his.
Tony really thought that was it.
That he would die in a damn spaceship in the middle of nowhere with a blue meanie. And he would deserve it.
He couldn't save her.
That was all Tony could think about when he finally gave up on fixing the ship. He couldn't save her. He just held her, uselessly, while Penny begged him to do something and he couldn't, he just couldn't. If he did die here, alone, he would deserve it. He just hoped he could see Penny one last time
But the glowing lady came, and she took them back home.
Was it still home? His daughter was gone. Was Pepper still alive? Rhodey? Well, he would find out soon.
Pepper was alive, and so was Rhodey.
Steve came first, with his ridiculously toned legs. "I couldn't stop him." Tony said. "Neither could I." was all he got as an answer.
Grieve took over him. I lost the kid he said. Confusion spread around Steve's features. Of course, he didn't know about Penny, so he gave a neutral answer, probably blaming these weeks of isolation on Tony's random statement.
He was going to ask about Pepper when she appeared. Tony hugged her, he really had needed her after Penny, after everything. He dreaded having to say the words to her, to Happy to Rhodey.
"Did she..." words caught on her throat, giving time for Rhodey to reach them, as well as the others. "Was she with you?"
Everyone looked curious as to who "she" was, but Tony didn't care.
"Yes, she was." Pepper and Rhodey looked at the ship hopeful. "She didn't make it"
Their eyes filled with tears, Tony heard a soft 'Dammit' be muttered by Rhodey, and Pepper hugged him harder.
He kept going not listening to Rhodey's explanation. Spidergirl, he said, unsure if Tony would reveal that he had a daughter. Had.
He had orders to rest, but he didn't care, he needed to know what was happening. What his teammates were doing.
Apparently, nothing.
Anger coiled in his stomach. Tony couldn't do it anymore, not with Steve's questions, with noting.
Because he didn't fight, with all honesty, Penny was the one closest to fighting Thanos, but she was gone.
"No trust, liar." Tony told Steve. He passed out.
When he woke up, they gave him the news, Thanos destroyed the stones.
He didn't spend much time grieving over that, he already accepted that he wouldn't see his little girl, his bambina, his little spider, ever again.
"She begged, Pep." He told her, when it was only her, Rhodey and Happy in his hospital room. "Penny told me she didn't want to go, she was in pain, and she begged me to stop it. And I couldn't do anything."
Everyone was crying, because Penny may have been Tony's daughter, but she was their niece. Now she is gone.
When your parents die, you are an orphan when your spouse dies, you are a widow.
How do you call yourself when you lost a child?
You don't stop being a parent, because you will always be their parent, but there is no word to identify the parents that lost.
Because a parent never should experience their child's dead
"I am pregnant." Pepper told him one day. They were at the Tower, and Tony was trying to figure out what to do next. Mary survived the snap, and a week ago Tony went and delivered the news. He could have not bothered because Mary wasn't affected.
"I know it's soon." She continued without letting him answer. "So soon after Penny, but it happened and I didn't want to tell you because I know you are grieving, but you need to do something, for this child that's coming."
He looked at her. Tony knew that she wasn't talking just about this past month, but also about all those years where he ignored Penny, where he was afraid of being a father. Tony stood up and went to where Pepper was sitting. Holding her hands he promised her, and himself that he would change.
They got married 6 weeks later. It was an intimate affair, with the remaining Avengers, Pepper's parents and Happy invited.
They wanted a quiet life from then on. Tony quit the Avengers completely, besides the fact that he was still giving them money, and they moved to a cabin in the woods. Pepper's pregnancy was barely showing, but she seemed happy, and so was Tony.
Expect at night when Pepper slept, and Tony thought about Penny. He was a terrible father then, could he be better? He remembers his fear, and how it prevented him from forming part of Penny's life.
He moved down, making Pepper's belly, where his future daughter or son rested, and quietly, he whispered.
"I am going to be better."
Time went by, and Morgan was born.
Tony never met Penny as a new-born, but he knew that she was born two months early and that she was underweight. Morgan wasn't anything like that. She was chubby and not a day over or under her due date.
It was hard, waking up constantly to cries. After years of crappy sleeping schedules, Tony decided that it was enough, so he was tired because during the moths of Pepper's pregnancy he got used to sleeping 8 hours. Adding to that, since Morgan was born nightmares appear, little Penny, teenager Penny, and even how Penny would have been if she had reached adulthood.
But they made it through the difficult moths, and the terrible twos, and in what appeared to be the blink of an eye, Morgan was five.
And the Avengers were in his yard. With a new guy.
Time travel, did they really think he hadn't thought about it? That Tony didn't spend nights trying to figure something out only to stop for the sake of the remaining daughter that was on her way.
"... And now we have a chance to bring her back, to bring everyone back, and you are telling me, you won't even." He could feel frustration in his chest because what do they knew about his reasons. What rights do they think they had?
"I am sorry Scott; I really am sorry because I know how you feel. You say I have a wife, and a daughter, but you are wrong." He looked at Natasha and Steve. "I had two, you see Morgan there, but you are missing one that went to space with me and didn't come back."
He saw the surprise of his ex-teammates faces, but he continued. "Do you really think that I haven't thought of every way possible to bring her back."
"Tony, I..." Morgan came in just then. He hugged her, the thought of Penny never failing to make his heart ached.
"Tony," Steve started. "This is a second chance"
What Steve didn't get was that this, Morgan, was his second chance.
Tony meant it, he was going to ignore their visit and continue as he had, but he couldn't. That night, when he was washing the dishes, his gaze drifted to a photo. There was Penny, smiling at him, while he was looking at something of her creation. The picture was obviously taken without any of them noticing, but it was one only photo he had of the two together. There was one question in his mind. What if?
With one last look at the photo, he turned around directly to his lab.
He spent hours there, and finally, he did it. FRIDAY confirmed it, he did it. Before he could overthink it, a little voice said something. "Shit"
And Pepper's going to kill him.
"Why are you up?" Didn't the talk back supposed to begin until puberty?
"I got something in my mind." "Was it juice pops?" Oh, how he missed the moments like this, when Penny was little, but then again missing them was no one's fault but his.
Before he could answer, Morgan talked. "Was it Penny? My big sister?" Her voice was tiny, insecure, as if this was a forbidden topic. And it kind of was. Morgan knew she had a sister, who was his, but not Pepper's, but the topic was hard to Tony and besides the bedtime's stories about Spidergirl, they didn't talk about Penny.
"Yeah, it was your sister." He told her, picking her up to take her to bed.
"I which I had met her." Morgan said innocently. Tony didn't answer because what was there to say? He just took her to bed and went looking for Pepper.
They talked, and finally, she went to sleep
Without a toddler and a wise wife around the question that he needed to answer wouldn't leave.
Should he do it?
He could put everything in a lockbox, the plans, the thought, everything, in a box and throw it to
the lake. Order FRIDAY to erase everything from her database, and that would be it, he would go to bed and be done.
But will you be able to rest?
The answer to that question was easy, he wouldn't. The pictures appear to be mocking him, as a young Penny was there, with a trophy that her genius brain had won long ago.
She should have been in college by now. All the top colleges should have pursued her, but that wouldn't matter, because she would have gone to MIT.
He couldn't save everyone, but if it was going to be for someone, let it be for her.
When Tony got to the compound and found Steve moping around, he knew the exact reason. He tried not to make fun of him too much, but it was Tony, what was he hoping for.
Just as Steve everyone, everyone inside was miserable. And by everyone he means everyone, Clint, with his new haircut, Thor, with his new belly, the blue meanie, the racoon.
"Listen, this is what we are going to do. Bring back what we lost, hopefully. Keep what we had, definitely. And maybe, not die trying." He needed to set things straight because, he couldn't lose another child, not again.
"You say 'we' as if you really lost someone." Clint said. "You got lucky, all your family, is still here, not all of us got that privilege."
"Clint..." Natasha began, but Robin Hood interrupted.
"No! He stands there and talks and talks, and if he didn't have the way to solve this, Iswear I would..." He looked at Tony speaking the next sentence. "You have no right to say that you won't try everything, when you still have everything."
"Just because you don't know, doesn't mean that I didn't lose someone." He said sadness filling his voice, along with anger. "Just because you did a crappy job hiding secret children doesn't mean that we all did."
The implication of his words was heavy, but Tony ignores the looks of surprise and direct his statement to Bruce. "Come on, let me show you what I have."
And that was the end of it.
They had a plan, and it should work.
It did work. But Thanos from the past was back.
He saw Penny, in the middle of the battle he saw her. Tony couldn't believe that she was here, that he could hug her. He would have stayed there if they could, but there was a battle going on, and they had to win.
When all hope was lost, in the last second, he managed to take the stones from Thanos. "And I... am... Ironman"
He snapped.
Pain, that's all he could feel. Far away he could hear his daughter cries, but he couldn't, not anymore. He drifted away.
A month later, they told him, he woke up. He didn't have an arm, but that was all right. He had his family, both his daughters. Everything was going to be fina from now on.
He missed the looks of longing Penny threw at Morgan.
How could he have known about the resentment that was growing between him and Penny? Resentment that was so close to explode.
And it was going to, sooner rather than later