"Okay guys 'n gals, quit 'ya frettin' and get your masks on! It's showtime!"

Oh, Tio was fretting alright. He was practically wetting himself in fear, and they hadn't even started yet! His hands, shaking and coated with cold sweat, felt strangely numb and bloated as he struggled to keep a firm grip on the handgun he'd been given: as if they'd been over-stuffed with cotton wool. The sounds of the dozen other men in the back of the van with him seemed muted and distant, whereas his own panicked, erratic breathing and the relentless thumping of his heartbeat were so loud he wondered if he was on the verge of a heart attack. His very body, now clad in a cheap black tracksuit he'd been loaned for the job, didn't feel like it was his own anymore: it was too heavy, the knees too flimsy, the stomach too tense. If he'd had breakfast this morning, he was sure it would have made its way back up by now.

He should have never listened to Uncle Rodney. Mum had warned him to stay away from him, but after she'd passed away he'd been the only family Tio had left. It wasn't like he could have forbidden Rodney from showing up at his own sister's funeral, and his sad, consoling smile had seemed so sincere. Rodney had bought him a drink at the wake, and a little alcohol was all it took to open the floodgate. In his need to talk to someone, anyone, about all the pressure that had building up inside Tio had let everything spill out: his grief that mom was gone forever, his shame over his ever-slipping grades, and his stress at the steadily growing pile of bills that only seemed to get taller no matter how many part-time jobs he worked.

Rodney had listened patiently, and offered comfort when it was needed most. He'd always been good at that. He may have been a slimy, cheating, backstabbing scumbag, but damn if they man didn't know how to talk. Like the snake that tempted Adam and Eve, Rodney always seemed to know just what to say to make you see things from his point of view, and so when he said that he knew an easy way to sort out his financial problems Tio really should have been more suspicious. A friend of a friend was looking for some muscle for an easy one-time gig: low risk, no chance of anybody getting hurt, and a big enough paycheck to handle the bills and take care of the loan he'd taken out to pay for mom's funeral. Surely after all the shit he'd been through recently, just one little easy solution to get his life back on track couldn't hurt?

Now that he was sitting here with a gun in his hands, Tio didn't think the solution seemed quite so easy anymore.

"I said mask on, numbnuts!" Tio's heart nearly jumped out of his chest as a large, calloused hand roughly pulled the ski mask on his head down over his face. The thug bellowing the commands glared at him darkly, whilst the other men sat around him chuckled at his expense. "Tch, kids these days. All wanna play at bein' gangsta, but bring ''em on a job and they start shittin' themselves." A meaty finger prodded him sharply in the chest. "Don't you dare mess this up for us brat! Just follow the others, keep that gun pointed at the crowd and tell 'em to stay down. If they try any funny business, don't hesitate."

Tio's blood ran cold. Wait, was he implying that he should-... No! The gun in his hands suddenly felt twice as heavy. Rodney has promised there was no chance that anybody would get hurt!

But it was too late to back out now. The van door was already opening, and the masked men nearest to it were jumping out. If Tio wasn't with them then they'd consider him against them, and none of the other men seemed unfamiliar with holding a gun. The thug in charge gave him a shove, and Tio half-stumbled, half-ran out of the van, his body acting on autopilot to follow the rest of the group.

The back of the van hadn't had any windows, and at no point had anybody told Tio where they were going. To be fair he hadn't asked, hoping that knowing less might someone make him less guilty. As his eyes adjusted to the sunlight, they widened in horror as he recognised the large skyscrapers all around him.

Metropolis! He was in Superman's turf! And he was committing a crime!

Oh, he was so dead!

"Move boy!" One of the other criminals sneered, barging him in the back with his shoulder to get him to pick up the pace. The van had parked outside of a casino, and Tio watched in panicked horror as the thug at the front of their group kicked open the door and yelled "Hands in the air!" At the top of his voice. It took less than a second for the people inside to start screaming.

"I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm so very, very dead!" Tio whimpered to himself as he and the other thugs poured inside, pointing their guns wildly at the crowds of people within. It was said that Superman could see and hear everything: there was no way he was going to miss such a ruckus being caused in his own city! The room was filled with screams of shock and panic as the patrons of the casino ducked beneath whatever tables they could fit under or just dropped to their knees, tears streaming down their faces. The casino they were robbing was not the most high-end establishment but neither was it the poorest, and the people here had wallets and phones that the thugs wasted no time going around collecting. Tio spotted the lead thug head over to the staff counter and began pillaging all the cash kept there.

The gun in his hands felt heavier than ever. Cold sweat trickled down Tio's spine as he pointed it wildly around at the cowed crowd. They were all following instructions, laying or kneeling on the floor and desperately trying not to make eye contact, but paranoia had a firm grip on his heart. In his mind's eye, Tio couldn't help but imagine that one of them was about to leap up and tackle him.

The gun quivered in his shaking hands, slipping in his sweaty palms. Instinctively Tio adjusted his grip, not realising that his finger was now pressing dangerously against the trigger, putting on just enough pressure to pull it in…

Suddenly another large hand, firm but uncalloused and surprisingly gentle, snaked around from behind him and settled on his, calmly moving his finger away from the trigger.

"Careful." Said a polite voice directly behind him. "You don't want to hurt anyone with that."

Tio froze. He recognised that voice. Anyone who had a television knew that voice. Some part of him hoped, beyond all reason, that he was mistaken, but the way that the crowd of previously cowering people were now looking directly behind him with unmistakable hope and gratitude shining in their eyes contradicted him. Slowly he turned around…

A red S on a blue background filled his vision.

Tio craned his head up, only to meet the smiling face of the man who inspired the world; the leader of the Justice League: the one who stood as the very symbol of what it meant to be a superhero.

And the man who'd come to arrest him.

Superman did not look angry. That was the strangest part. He did not have the thunderous expression of a man outraged that a puny ant like him dared to break the rules in his territory. Weirdly enough he seemed… disappointed? Almost like his mother had the day they'd argued about him wanting to quit school. Like he was personally saddened to see some random guy on the street throw his life away by turning to crime.

"Put the gun down." Superman asked gently. Not commanded, asked. "It isn't too late to stop."

Tio swallowed nervously, his mouth dryer than the Sahara, and slowly brought his arm down, letting the gun slip from his grasp and fall on the floor with a gentle thunk.

Then Superman, the Superman, smiled! At him! "Thank you." He said, his tone quiet yet unmistakably genuine. The corner of the Man of Steel's lips tugged upwards into a little mischievous smirk. "By the way, you'd forgotten to switch the safety off."

"Oh shit! It's Supes!"

Tio's breath hitched in panic as he whirled around to see the other thugs pointed their guns at Superman. Which, by merit of them standing so close, meant that their guns were pointed at him as well. He recognised the thug in charge, now sporting a tote bag stuffed with cash in one hand and some kind of revolver in the other.

"Shoot him!" He yelled, and Tio closed his eyes in terror…

A chorus of a dozen gunshots rang out in unison.

For a second Tio felt weightless. Like he was flying. Perhaps, some part of his brain reasoned, this was what being dead felt like: light and weightless, no longer held down by a body.

Then he smashed side-first into a wall, and his eyes shot open in shock.

He hadn't been thrown hard enough to be hurt beyond a few bruises, and when he looked around, Tio realised that he was at the side of the casino. Superman had thrown him to safety! Looking back to the middle of the room, Tio saw that Superman wasn't at all hurt. He was still standing there as calmly as if he were out for a stroll on the beach, letting the bullets ping harmlessly off of him. The thugs were utterly outclassed.

"You are all under arrest." Superman announced decisively. "Surrender, and I promise that you won't be harmed."

The lead thug clearly wasn't convinced. Realising that bullets weren't working he dropped his revolver, reached into his pocket and pulled out a flip knife. With a war cry he charged at Superman, brandishing the knife as if it was excalibur.

Superman reached out with one hand and pushed him. Not a punch or a slap, just a gentle push to the side; like a parent moving their toddler out of a stranger's way. That little push sent the thug careering through the air like a rocket and crashing into the fire escape door next to Tio.

A tiny, high-pitched squeak slipped out from between Tio's lips. He was so very, very doomed! Superman would tear through the thugs in under a minute, and then the lot of them, including him, would be hauled off to jail! They wouldn't throw him in the prison with all the other supervillain's Superman fought would they? He'd read an article online one time that said judges really threw the book at any criminals caught by Superman as a way of showing their support for him! His life was officially over!

As if beckoned by his thoughts, a ray of light spread across Tio's leg. Following it, Tio saw that the impact of the person hitting it had caused the fire door to crack slightly ajar, letting sunlight shine through. In that moment the simple firedoor, perhaps his golden opportunity to escape, looked almost like the pearly gates of heaven! Superman was still distracted dealing with the other thugs, meaning that he would be busy for at least as few seconds. If he stayed here, it would be prison for sure.

Tio made his choice.

Suddenly filled with a cowardly energy he'd never known before, Tio bolted. He bodily charged through the door and out into the alley it led to, sprinting away with all his might. Over the sound of his own panicked breathing he could hear the wailing of police sirens coming closer, and ducked away into another side alley, clipping his hip against the side of a dumpster.

"Oh hell, oh hell, oh hell!" He muttered to himself, almost on the verge of tears. He had no idea where he was going or what to do next.

BBBZZZ.

Tio's phone buzzed in his pocket. A text message. He ignored it, taking a right down a third alley and emerging onto a thankfully empty road somewhere by the side of West River.

BBBZZZ.

Again? Talk about bad timing! Nobody had texted him in weeks, and now of all times two came along at once?! Tio reached into his pocket, fumbling to get ahold of his phone. When he finally did the screen flashed to life, displaying two messages from an unknown number.

TAKE OFF THE GETTUP

YOU STAND OUT TOO MUCH

Gettup? Wha-... wait, the mask and tracksuit! He was still running around town in black clothes and a ski mask! He could look any more like a thief if he was carrying a big bag labelled "swag" over his shoulder! Quickly Tio ripped the mask of his face and unzipped the tracksuit, stepping out into his bare chest and the boxers he wore underneath. Better he looked like a half-dressed weirdo than a criminal!

He scrunched the clothes up into a ball and made to dump them in the nearest bin, when his phone buzzed again three times.

NO NOT THERE

TOO EASY TO FIND

DUMP THEM IN THE RIVER

Tio looked out over the river. He didn't know who the hell was texting him, or how they knew what he was doing, but right now he'd take all the help he could get. With all his might, Tio threw the clothes out into the river. His weak noodle arms didn't exactly do the best job, but they were able to throw the clothes far enough for them to splash into the water. Hopefully they'd sink to the bottom.

His phone buzzed again.

SHOES TOO

Unwilling to waste a second arguing when Superman could be on him at any moment, Tio kicked off his shoes and threw them in after the tracksuit. The ground felt hard and cold against his socks.

For a few seconds his phone was inert, and it struck Tio that perhaps that was all the help he'd be getting from his mysterious benefactor. Then suddenly it buzzed yet again, and a longer message popped up on screen.

GOOD. KEEP FOLLOWING MY INSTRUCTIONS, AND I'LL GET YOU OUT OF THIS.

FOLLOW THE RIVER UPSTREAM. YOU'LL COME ACROSS A PARK BENCH SOON. THERE'S A BACKPACK ON IT WITH A CHANGE OF CLOTHES FOR YOU.

Clothes sounded good right now. Still terrified that a bolt of blue would come crashing through the nearby buildings after him any second now, Tio ran down the road as fast as he could, following the river upstream. He passed two pedestrians along the way, both of whom took one look at his half-undressed state and quickly crossed to the other side of the road. After what felt like an hour, but was in fact probably closer to a minute, Tio finally came across the park bench. Just as promised a simple brown backpack lay atop it.

Tio unzipped it, and was relieved to find a pair of jeans, a simple red shirt and a new pair of shoes within. He upended it to get them out as quickly as he could, and scrambled to pull the jeans on. Then he reached for the shirt, and was just about to pull it over his head when his phone buzzed again.

HEADS UP

Tio stared at the message curiously. Heads up? What was that supposed to mean?

"Excuse me."

For the second time today the unfailingly calm voice sounded behind him, this time a bit further away and, if he wasn't mistaken, quite a bit higher. Tio turned around to see Superman yet again, this time descending from the sky like a biblical angel. The Man of Steel wore the same smile as he had before, but this time his eyebrows were furrowed in unmistakable confusion.

"I'm looking for somebody who might have come this way. He was dressed all in black. Did you see him by any chance?" Superman asked.

A lightning bolt of cold, black fear jolted down Tio's spine. There was no escaping now. You couldn't run from, hide from or fight Superman, everyone knew that! The only option you had when face to face with the man of tomorrow was to surrender…

"Or," a small part of his brain that sounded suspiciously like Uncle Rodney piped up, "you could lie."

Tio's mouth was moving before he'd had a chance to really think about it. "N- no sir. Haven't seen him." He stuttered out nervously, relieved at least that his tongue wasn't shaking uncontrollable like the rest of his body was. It seemed to be the only part of himself that wasn't failing him today.

Yet Superman clearly wasn't convinced. He hovered down to land on the floor in front of him, his smile fading as he stared at Tio up and down, critically taking in the fact that he was currently shirtless in public . "I see." He drawled. "And what exactly are you doing?"

What indeed? Tio couldn't very well come out and say that he was changing clothes, because then the question of what happened to his old clothes would come up, and it wouldn't take very long for Superman to piece together what had happened. There was only one answer he could give. "I'm tak-... I'm taking my clothes off." He answered.

Superman raised an eyebrow, looking thoroughly unimpressed. "Yes, I see that. I'm more concerned with why you're doing that in the first place. You do know that public nudity is a crime, right?"

Oh bugger! How was he supposed to answer that? Could he act like he was going to swim in the river? No, because then Superman would ask why he hadn't brought swimwear, or why he wasn't using a pool like a normal person. There was no answer he could give which made any logical sense! And now that he'd dared to lie to Superman there was no way he'd get off lightly! Pure dread overflowed within his chest, making him feel as if he was sinking into the ground as despair enveloped him like a cold, malicious blanket.

And then, in the midst of his despair, a single desperate idea sparked to life somewhere in Tio's brain. In desperation he grabbed hold of that stray idea, throwing everything he had into the wild chance to escape.

"SIGN MY CHEST!" He screamed at Superman!

Time seemed to freeze for a second, halted by the sheer, mystical force of raw awkwardness. Superman's sceptical expression was gone, swept away into a cocktail of pure confusion, bewilderment and a dash of horror, whilst Tio just stood there shirtless, panting heavily and sweating from running and fear.

"Excuse me?" Superman asked, sounding completely and utterly lost. Good. If he was confused and uncomfortable he'd want to leave as fast as possible, so might just leave Tio alone in order to avoid him.

"Sign my chest!" Tio insisted again. "I heard sirens and knew you must be in the area! Please sir, I'm your biggest fan! Sign my chest! Right in the middle!"

"I-... err…-" Superman was dumbstruck, completely lost for words.

Embarrassment was now adding to the terrible mix of emotions sloshing around chaotically in his chest, and Tio felt his face reddening with shame. Yet he quickly realised that he could use that to his advantage. Red face, sweating profusely and shaking like a maniac, he stepped closer towards him. To his utter shock Superman actually took a step back.

"But-.. you don't have a pen!" Superman exclaimed uncomfortably.

Tio smiled at him, the beginnings of tears starting to trickle down his cheeks.

"Use your heat vision. Please daddy!" He whispered.

He could visibly see the moment Superman passed his breaking point. The world's mightiest hero cringed and took to the sky, hovering back from him. "I-.. er… I hear a crime going on! Yes, very urgent! Sorry, but I must be going now! Bye!" And with waiting even a moment for him to reply, Superman turned and flew off, speeding back the way he came.

Tio watched him go, and the moment the distinctive blue costume was out of sight his knees gave way, bringing him crashing to the floor. He gasped greedily for air, his heart beating so wildly he suspected it would burst at any moment. He couldn't believe it! He'd done it! He'd actually done it! He'd managed to escape from Superman of all people.

And all it had cost him was his dignity. A cheap price.

BBBZZZ

His phone buzzed again. Tio reached for it, desperate for instructions.

WOW. I DID NOT EXPECT THAT. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO BE DISGUSTED OR IMPRESSED. NICE JOB.

THERE IS A BAR CALLED FLANNIGAN'S SEVEN BLOCKS NORTH OF YOU. IN THE CAR PARK YOU'LL SEE A WHITE CAR. GET IN THE BACK SEAT.

AND GET RID OF YOUR PHONE ALONG THE WAY. TAKE THE BATTERY OUT FIRST AND BIN IT. THEN TAKE OUT THE SIM CARD AND THROW IT IN THE RIVER. FINALLY BURY THE PHONE ITSELF BENEATH WHATEVER TREE YOU NEXT COME ACROSS. NOBODY MUST KNOW WE'VE BEEN IN CONTACT.

I SHALL SEE YOU SOON.

Tio stared blankly at the message, and reread it a few times to make sure he'd understood. Who on earth was this person? He was grateful they'd gone out of their way to help him, but he didn't understand why. Most criminal goons didn't have guardian angels.

Well there was only one way to find out, wasn't there? It wasn't like he had the first clue how he was supposed to get from the middle of Metropolis without help anyway. Tio pulled the shirt down over his head and slipped the shoes on, heading northward and disassembling his phone as instructed.

Superman watched as the twelve thugs from the casino were loaded into the back of the police van, whilst the hostages they'd taken rushed outside to hug their families. A large crowd of onlookers had gathered to cheer and applaud him, and Superman waved back at them, grateful as ever for their support. Then he tapped the Justice League communicator in his ear and waited.

It wasn't long before the comm link crackled to life. "Clark? Everything okay?"

"I'm fine Bruce." He replied. "Just another robbery. Nobody was harmed, and all but one of the perpetrators were caught."

"One got away?"

"Yes, that's why I'm calling you actually." Superman lifted his other hand, looking as the ski mask held within it. He'd confiscated it off one of the robbers. "They were all wearing ordinary clothes, but lead had been woven into the fabric, so I couldn't make out their faces."

Batman hummed gruffly. "I find it too big a coincidence to believe that common criminals weaved lead into their clothes for no reason, and then just so happened to pull a heist in your neck of the woods."

"You think this is part of a bigger scheme?" Superman asked.

"I'm not sure. An experiment perhaps? Maybe someone heard that your x-ray vision couldn't see through lead, and decided to test the hypothesis first on some expendable grunts?"

Superman scowled. "And now, because one of them got away, they'll know it's true."

"Indeed." Batman replied. "If someone is interested in testing what you can and cannot see, that suggests there is something they want to keep hidden from you. Stay vigilant Clark. If somebody wants to avoid your notice, they can't have anything good planned."

The white car was exactly where his mysterious benefactor had said it would be. Breathing a sigh of relief, Tio trudged over to it and peered in through the window, only to find that it was empty. "Maybe they popped out to go to the bathroom?" He wondered aloud to himself. He checked the handle, and was relieved to find that the door was unlocked. He really felt like sitting down for a while right about now.

The plush leather seats creaked ever so slightly as he slid into it, and Tio leaned back into them, surprised at how comfortable they were. Come to think of it, the entire car was distinctly high quality without being ostentatious. Whoever owned it must not be hurting for money.

Suddenly a hand grabbed his mouth from behind, pressing a damp rag into it! Tio screamed and tried to struggle, but the grip was too strong for him to break from, and the rag muffled the sound of his voice! Someone had been waiting for him in the boot of the car!

Darkness began to creep in at the edges of his vision, and Tio's read started to swim. Blearily, he realised that the rag had a funny smell to it.

His struggles grew weaker and weaker and consciousness slipped away from him, and with a last, pitiful whine, Tio slipped into a dreamless sleep.

I am cursed. Haunted. Sometimes an idea for a story pops into my head, and I can't just not write it! I find myself lying awake at night planning over lines in my head, which is completely pointless since I forget about the next morning anyway. My only catharsis is to write it down until the inspiration is finally out of my system. Do you guys also feel that way sometimes?

As this is the latest idea to haunt my dreams: a criminal diplomat in the DC Universe. Someone with no superpowers, no advanced technology, and no highly-trained skills beside a slight talent for talking his way out of sticky situations, trying to negotiate his way through the cesspool of evil that is the various rogue's galleries without getting killed. An advocate of internal peace and co-operation among the most ruthless and dangerous crooks in fiction.

I have a plan for the first arc of this story, an idea for where I want it to end up, and a few thoughts for potential middle stories along the way. That's all we need!

See you next chapter.