Lucy had always been good at keeping secrets. Many a friend or guildmate had confided in her before, and as such, she had gained plenty of dirt that she was sure the guild's gossips would kill for, by virtue of being able to keep her mouth shut. She was, for the most part, an open book. There were a few things she felt the need to keep close to her chest, which would have been difficult to achieve in the first place considering just how nosy her best friend was.
Given their frequent close proximity, Lucy couldn't keep a secret from Natsu, even if she wanted to. He knew everything about her, and she, in turn, knew everything about him. She trusted him, so there was no reason to keep secrets. They both spoke candidly to each other about their lives and their feelings, each seeing no reason to keep things from the other.
For the most part, anyway.
It was just one, teensy, tiny little secret, something she was sure would go away at first. She had expected it to pass quickly; what she had not expected was for her little, baby crush on him to spiral out of control into a full-blown yearning for her partner that consumed her entire being to the point where he was always on her mind at any given time.
Part of her felt guilty for keeping it from him, though the other reasoned that she was sure Natsu felt similarly on some things. Romance was never the type of thing they spoke about; he didn't ask and she didn't tell, but that was before her thoughts of romance involved him.
A brief period of contemplation had passed in which she thought about letting him know, but the realistic part of her brain reminded her of the irreparable damage that could be done to their relationship. She liked what they had too much to throw it away over anything. Instead, she resigned herself to the fact that Natsu would never know.
It wasn't the most well-kept secret: Levy knew about it, as did Erza, Mira, and Wendy; even Gray had been in on it too, but Natsu still remained none the wiser. It was nice being able to confide in others when she couldn't with Natsu, but it felt wrong to keep secrets from him.
It had been about a year or so since her feelings had become too big to contain, and she had let it slip to Levy, and somehow it had become an open secret to everyone but Natsu. Perhaps it was out of pity, for fear of watching their sweet angel Lucy be rejected by a dense and romance-averse Natsu, but whatever the reason, everyone was sure to keep tight-lipped around him.
That's what made it all the worse when it was Lucy who accidentally managed to let part of the secret slip.
Lucy rested her chin in the heel of her hands, her elbows balanced on the table below her where she sat in defeat, her gaze not even focused on Levy before her as she expressed her woes.
"I just wish he'd look at me, you know?" She sighed, resisting the urge to flop down onto the table in defeat. "I want him to say I'm pretty, or something, but it's like he doesn't even see me as a woman."
"Who doesn't see you as a woman?" Came the voice of the man in question as he slid into the seat next to her, and Lucy immediately froze.
"Oooooooooohhh~ Lucy's got boy problems," Happy chimed in with his sing-song teasing.
The two of them had been out on a solo job for a few days and hadn't been expected back until tomorrow. Had she known there was a possibility that they would come to the guild hall today, Lucy would have kept her stupid mouth shut. Now, all she could do was gape like a goddamned moron as she sat paralysed in fear that she had just let it slip.
"Soooooo~ Who's the lucky fella?" Happy sang, clearly trying to worm his way into information that could be used against her down the line.
"Yeah, I wanna know too," Natsu added, his tone and gaze much more serious than Happy's.
Lucy looked over to Levy in a plea for help, but it seemed as though she had slunk away in the moments since Natsu's arrival, leaving her to deal with this one on her own.
"How was the job? Did you do any cool stuff? Eat any good food?" She asked in a desperate hope of diverting the conversation.
"The job was fine, I kicked some ass and Happy ate so much fish afterwards that he passed out," Natsu replied in quick succession, seeing right through her. "Who is this guy you've got a crush on?"
"Crush? Who said anything about a crush?" She sputtered, trying to maintain her composure.
It wasn't technically a lie. What she had going on was far beyond a crush.
"You did, just now," he said bluntly. "You said you wish he'd call you pretty. You only say that mushy stuff about guys you wanna date."
Lucy paused for a moment, surprised by how adamant he was about this. She'd assumed that getting him to talk about his job, all the cool things he did, all the bad guys he'd fought, and all the food he'd eaten along the way would be enough to divert his attention, but he was stuck on the one thing she did not want to talk about with him.
"Come on, I promise I won't tell anyone," he whined through her silence.
That's ironic, she thought to herself.
"No," was all she managed to get out without incriminating herself.
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want to."
"What if I say please?"
"The answer is still no."
"Pretty please?"
The two of them continued to run in circles, neither willing to be the first to break, but knowing just how stubborn Natsu could be, Lucy was beginning ware down, only, not in the way he might have hoped.
"I'm not going to tell you, Natsu, so just drop it, okay?" She finally said, unwilling to let this go on any longer than it needed to.
"Why not?" He repeated.
"Can we not do this?" Lucy sighed. "Please?"
"Why?"
He sounded like a broken record at this point, and figuring that she was not going to win their little game, Lucy simply didn't reply. Natsu, on the other hand, was not satisfied with this response.
"Tell me," he said.
Lucy stood her ground.
"Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me," he began to repeat, over and over again, until the words began to blur together and Lucy simply could not take it anymore.
Grabbing her bag and throwing it over her shoulder, Lucy stood up to take her leave.
"I'm going home," she declared. "Go bother someone else."
She half-expected him to follow behind and continue his nagging, but it seemed her foul mood had done enough to have her off the hook for now.
By the time her rent was due once more and it was time for them to take on a new job, Lucy had hoped that Natsu had dropped the subject. She had hoped that in the time between when she last saw him and now, he had found a new subject to fixate on. That was decidedly not the case.
Suddenly, she regretted agreeing to walk the scenic route.
"Have you changed your mind yet?"
"No, Natsu, I have not changed my mind," Lucy sighed, arms folded across her chest as they walked. "I'm not going to tell you."
"Come oooonnnnnn," Natsu drawled. "If you tell me, I'll be your best friend."
Lucy quirked an eyebrow.
"I already am your best friend."
"Nuh-uh," he refuted. "Happy's my best friend."
"Aye!" Happy butted in, much to Lucy's chagrin.
"But if you tell us who you like, I'll let you be my new best friend."
"Hey!" Happy added, clearly not pleased to have the position of Natsu's best friend being used as a bargaining chip.
Lucy looked over at him to ensure he saw just how unimpressed she looked with his deal.
"You're not very good at this whole bribery thing, are you?"
Deflating at her reply, Natsu's shoulders slumped forward and he stuck his lips out in a pout, apparently having thought that worming his way into Lucy's secret would be much easier than it actually was.
"Please?" He tried rather pathetically this time.
"Still no."
"Will you tell me?" Happy chimed in.
"Absolutely not."
"What if I promise not to tell Natsu?"
"Wh- Hey! That's no fair!" Natsu cried out.
"That's a lie, and you know it," Lucy said.
Happy responded with a sheepish look that told her that she was right on the money. That damn cat would backstab her for the promise of fish any day.
"What if I annoy you into telling us?" Natsu suggested, and Lucy grimaced at the idea.
Being annoying was certainly high on the list of things that those two were good at, and anyone not as strong as her may have caved right at that moment, but Lucy remained strong.
"Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!" Happy began to chant, with the background vocals of Natsu's "pleaaaassssssseeeeeee," ringing in the back.
Pressing her hands over her ears in some attempt to block the noise out, Lucy had never regretted not taking the train more than now.
The thud of Natsu's pack hitting the floor was louder than usual as he let out his frustration on the poor thing. Though he had been all smiles just before, Happy was quick to notice the way his mood had soured into an almost sombre state the moment Lucy was no longer around, and he thought he had an inkling as to why.
"Are you sad because Lucy won't tell you who she likes?"
"No," Natsu shrugged, brows furrowed as if he were deep in the dregs of thought—something Happy rarely saw on his face. "Maybe, I guess."
Natsu let out a hefty sigh, though the expression on his face remained inscrutable, even to Happy.
"I just-" He stopped, his brain unable to keep up with the words he was saying. "You know."
He didn't have to elaborate. He did know.
Though Natsu was never really one to talk about his feelings too much, he'd confided in Happy on many occasions about his little Lucy problem. Though some liked to think of him as dumb, dense, and unaware, Happy knew better than that. He knew that Natsu had his complicated feelings and emotions just like anyone else; he just kept them closer to his chest and played things off like they didn't affect him at all. In quiet moments like this, however, Happy caught a glimpse into what was really going on in that brain of his.
"Why are you doing this if it's just going to hurt your feelings knowing that she likes someone else?" Happy asked, trying his best to be empathetic to his situation.
Natsu was quiet for a moment as he mulled the question over in his mind. Happy knew there wasn't really an answer—not a rational one, anyway. Anything beyond admitting that this was just some unusual form of self-inflicted pain would be nothing short of a blatant lie.
"'Cause I need to make sure they're good enough for her," is what he settled on.
It sounded reasonable enough. If Happy didn't know better, he might have almost believed him.
Almost.
"I can't let Lucy date some loser who doesn't call her pretty," Natsu huffed. "What kinda best friend would I be if I did that?"
Happy didn't reply, instead letting him try to justify himself, though perhaps more to convince himself than Happy. He didn't feel the need to probe further—he'd simply deny any accusations he made because Natsu was stubborn like that. If he wanted to figure out his Lucy troubles, he'd simply have to do it in his own time.
When Natsu hadn't brought it up again the next time they were together, Lucy had thought she was safe. Little did she know, he had simply lulled her into a false sense of security that remained throughout lunch and all the way back to her apartment.
That was until the moment her apartment door clicked shut, and as if treating her secret as a reward for him to receive for not bringing it up all day, Natsu asked, "are you going to tell me who you like now?"
Lucy crossed her arms and let out a huff. He sounded like a damn high schooler, pestering her over some stupid crush, unable or unwilling to let it go. She didn't even know why he cared so much, but she was certain that she cared more about keeping her secret than he did about knowing it, so instead of responding, she just shot him back a deeply unimpressed look.
Her lack of response did not deter Natsu, who, in the time between first bugging her about it and now, had come up with a new strategy.
"Is it Gray?" He asked, narrowing his eyes. "'Cause he's not good enough for you. You could do better than him."
"It's not Gray," she dryly replied.
"Laxus?" He probed.
"No."
"Elfman? Gajeel?"
"No."
"Is it Bixlow?"
Realising he wasn't going to stop any time soon, Lucy just gave him a blank stare, but he remained undeterred. He continued to list people until she was certain that he had named every single man in the guild, no matter how appropriate.
"Are you done?" She asked, fingertips pressing into her temples, thoroughly over whatever little game Natsu was playing.
The only solace she got from this situation was Happy's silence. He had been quiet from the moment Natsu started nagging her—almost suspiciously so. Any other time, the cat might have jumped at the chance to annoy her until smoke was pouring out of her ears, but he hadn't said a word. Supposing she shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, Lucy was willing to take whatever small victories she could get in the wake of Natsu's inability to just leave her alone.
"Was it any of those guys?" He asked.
"No."
"So he's not part of the guild?"
Lucy stayed silent at his question. If Natsu was going to run around in circles, she would let him, but she wasn't about to lie to his face. She was simply ready to wait until he would tire himself out and get bored of her lacklustre answers, but it seemed he didn't have plans to stop any time soon.
"Is he from another guild? Sabretooth? Is it Sting? Rouge?"
With a groan, Lucy flopped down onto her bed, which Natsu seemed to take as a no.
"It's not Jellal, is it?"
"No, I'm not interested in being shanked by Erza," she replied in earnest.
"Yeah, that's probably for the best," he mused.
After a moment of quiet contemplation, Natsu spoke up again.
"Was it that guy from the library?"
"Why?" Lucy finally responded, thoroughly sick of this game.
"Why what?"
"Why do you want to know?" She asked, irritation seeping into her voice.
"'Cause I'm your friend, and friends tell each other stuff like this," he justified.
Lucy scoffed at his almost humorous answer.
Yes, of course they were friends—they were best friends, but this, whatever it was, was not something they did. They didn't talk about crushes or romance because Natsu never showed any interest in it until now.
But even if she wanted to, she couldn't, because telling Natsu that every time she read a romance novel, she imagined the love interest as him, would completely and irrevocably ruin their relationship. Lucy liked what they had too much to change that, no matter how much her heart ached knowing that what she wanted with him was always just a little far out of her grasp.
"I'm not to tell you, okay?" She huffed.
"Why not?" Natsu hit back, seemingly growing frustrated at this trivial impasse that they had found themselves at.
"Because I don't want to."
"But I'm your friend."
"I know you're my friend, but I don't-" Lucy paused to let her mind catch up with her mouth before she said something she might regret.
She didn't want to argue with Natsu. She knew that he didn't want to argue with her either, but it just seemed like this was something that they wouldn't be able to compromise on.
"Look," she sighed. "I'm not going to tell you, so you can either make peace with that or you can leave."
Her remark was met with an almost astonished silence. Perhaps he hadn't expected her to put her foot down like that. Maybe he had just assumed that she would eventually cave to his pleas. Whatever it was that was going through his head, Lucy couldn't exactly see it on his face, so they simply sat in silence as she awaited his reply.
It didn't come the way she had hoped.
Instead, he turned on his heel and headed for the door.
"Come on, Happy."
All Lucy could do was stare and gape as he left without another word, Happy shooting her an apologetic look before following his friend out the door.
She knew she had given him an ultimatum, but she didn't think that was the option he was going to choose. It all felt so childish to her, leaving over a silly little crush. That had always been her fear, but she had never thought it would happen before she got the nerve to tell him.
It had her heart aching in her chest and tears pricking in the corner of her eyes, and all she could do was let her pillow soak up her sorrows.
The silence on the way home from Lucy's apartment was uncomfortable. Happy could practically hear the way that Natsu seethed and sulked as they walked the ever-familiar path back to the cottage in the woods. Happy never really minded the silence between them, but this time was different. This time, Natsu was hurting, and Happy didn't have the words to make it better.
"I don't get it," Natsu said, finally breaking the silence. "Why won't she tell me? Is it someone we don't know? I named everyone."
Perhaps the worst part of this was watching this all fly over Natsu's head.
There'd always been an inkling in the back of Happy's mind about the way Lucy felt. He'd always wondered if Lucy saw Natsu as a little bit more than a friend, but over time he had simply put that down to Lucy being weird. Now, though, after Natsu's interrogation and Lucy's little scene, the pieces were beginning to fall into place.
Happy knew better than anyone that Natsu was not dumb. A little dense, maybe, sure, but never stupid, so the fact that he couldn't see what was happening right in front of him had Happy scratching his head.
"Well, you didn't name everyone," he curtly replied.
Natsu was quiet again for a moment, contemplative, before he spoke up again.
"You think it's Alzack?" He asked, evident confusion tainting his voice, so genuine that Happy wanted to throttle him right then and there. "'Cause I don't think Lucy would stoop that low."
"I don't think it's Alzack," Happy shot back, trying to keep a straight face.
For as much prank potential as there was in spilling Lucy's blatantly obvious secret, it also had the potential of her never speaking to either of them again out of sheer anger and mortification. So in the name of maintaining their friendship, Happy kept his mouth shut.
"Who do you think it is?" Natsu said, glancing in Happy's direction.
Happy looked at him for a moment before responding. There was genuine intrigue in his friends' eyes, perhaps a hint of desperation. Happy had to break their eye contact and look forward to the path before them before guilt started to eat him whole.
"I don't know," he lied, earning a defeated sigh from Natsu beside him.
It certainly didn't feel good lying to his best friend like that, but even Happy knew it wasn't his place to meddle in their relationship. At best, it was disingenuous; at worst, he was wrong and getting his hopes up for nothing. He simply had to have faith that Natsu would put things together himself. If he was going to continue to sulk the way he was, Happy could only hope that he figured things out quickly.
When Natsu had stormed out of her apartment without a word, Lucy had hoped that he simply needed some time to himself. He could be a temperamental sort of guy, but sometimes all he needed was a little bit of time to blow off some steam before he was back to his usual self.
Unfortunately, this time, it seemed he needed a little more than that.
It had been a week.
A whole week since she had seen Natsu, much less spoken to him. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he had been deliberately avoiding her, and that fact was beginning to piss her off.
The last thing Lucy had wanted was for her feelings for Natsu to cause a rift in their relationship, but it seemed as though she had no choice in the matter. Either she told him and things would grow weird between them, or she kept her secret and he would continue to resent her.
Damned if she did, damned if she didn't.
In the week since he had walked out on her, Lucy had done a lot of thinking between all the tears.
Would it really be that bad if he knew? Surely their friendship was strong enough to withstand the fallout from it. Though, the longer Natsu avoided her over it, the more uncertain she became.
But maybe he deserved to know. Maybe it wasn't right to keep a secret so heavily involving him. Maybe he would understand, and if they just talked about it, they would come to an understanding and maintain the easy friendship they had.
Maybe she should have thought more about what exactly it was that she wanted to say to him before she had come all the way out to his little cottage in the woods.
She hadn't really thought about why she was coming out here or what she wanted to say. There was an equal chance that she was going to chew him out or that she was going to burst into tears the moment she saw him. She was so angry at him for letting this get in the way of their friendship, but more than that, she missed him. She missed hearing his laughter from across the guild hall, she missed taking jobs with him. She missed his teasing, his warmth, his comfort. She missed the way he'd crawl into her sheets at night and pretend to be asleep, so she couldn't kick him out, not knowing that these days she'd never make him leave. Just thinking about it was enough to make the tears almost breach, but as she bit down on her lip, she maintained her composure and rapped her fist against the front door.
Every semblance of composure left her once the door opened and she caught a glimpse of Natsu on the other side, looking at her like a deer in headlights, as if her mere presence had struck the fear of god into his heart.
In that moment, she was overwhelmed with so many emotions—relief, joy, sadness, absolute seething fury.
It seemed that last one was the one that took over when Lucy finally opened her mouth.
"What the hell is wrong with you!"
Part of her was expecting Natsu to slam the door in her face, but all he could do was stand there and gape as she yelled at him.
"You are so stupid! You storm out on me, and then you not only don't speak to me, but you don't even show your face at the guild? You dumb, stupid idiot!"
Her expression didn't match her harsh words as her lip began to quiver, all the emotions of the past week coming crashing down on her as she spoke.
"You idiot, you don't know—hic—you don't even know how lonely I've been…"
With that, the dam burst, and she was in full tears, sobbing and wailing. She tried to step towards him but stumbled slightly, with Natsu catching her before she could fall. Feeling his touch once more only served to make her cry harder as she recalled how much she had missed it in their time apart.
With no words to make her feel better, Natsu simply wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as she cried.
"Please don't cry…" He mumbled, resting his forehead on the crown of her head.
"I don't understand!" Lucy wailed. "Why does- Why does who I like matter so much that you're willing to hurt me over it?"
Natsu's jaw clenched, and she could feel his grip on her tighten, as though her words had caused him physical pain.
"I don't- That's not what I-" He barely managed to stutter out, clearly struggling to find the words. "Lucy…"
Though her grief-stricken wails had subsided, Lucy continued to sob, gasping for breath between them as Natsu struggled for an answer. When the words didn't seem to come to him, there was only one thing he could think to say.
"I'm sorry…"
Lucy could hear the remorse dripping from every syllable. Natsu rarely apologised, even rarer did he mean it. This time, he did.
He wasn't apologising because he was made to; he wasn't apologising because he felt he had to. He was genuinely remorseful for making her feel this way.
"I still don't understand," Lucy murmured. "Why? I mean- I don't- It's so stupid…" She paused to suck in a breath and gather her thoughts. "You completely avoid me because I won't tell you who I like? Why do you care so much?"
"I- I just-"
Natsu sputtered out the words, clearly unable to form a coherent answer to the question, almost as if he didn't know himself.
Lucy looked up at him with glassy, pleading eyes. For the first time since she had shown up, she got a good look at him, too blinded by anger and tears to have caught a glimpse prior. He looked so terribly lost and guilty, his brain seemingly barely able to comprehend the speed in which this had all happened. She couldn't quite find it in herself to blame him.
She had shown up out of the blue, chewed him out before bursting into tears in his arms. It certainly was not her finest moment, but keeping up appearances was the last thing on her mind. Natsu was her friend—her best friend. Not having him by her side was like some cruel, twisted torture, a reminder of days long past that she had hoped she would never have to relive. She never wanted to not be with him if she could at all help it, and if weeping in his arms was the best way to get that across, then so be it.
"I don't want you to like some… stupid guy who's gonna hurt you because he doesn't think you're pretty," he said, cobbling his words together with uncertainty as he spoke.
"You're already hurting me!" Lucy blurted out, not taking a moment to think about what she was saying.
She hardly even registered what she had said until he was looking down at her in some gut-wrenching combination of horror and confusion. It was like her words hadn't quite set in, but he got the gist of where she was coming from. It was like he knew how she felt but wasn't sure how to feel about it himself, and the idea of that made her swallow thickly to push down the bile that threatened to rise.
He looked at her slack-jawed before he managed to sputter out, "me?"
With no backing out of this one, Lucy decided the only way she was getting out was through.
"Yes, you, stupid! Are you blind?"
Her insulting words didn't seem to hit him as he simply stood, lost in his own thoughts for a moment before he finally spoke up again.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because… I like the way things are between us," she breathed. "I don't want to change that because I like you. It would just… make things weird, and I don't want to lose what we have."
Natsu furrowed his brows slightly.
"Why would it be weird?" He asked, his voice low and soft, but she wasn't certain he meant it to be. "I don't think that's weird."
"It is! It's always weird when someone likes someone else, but they don't feel the same, and it's just-"
"Who said I didn't like you?" Natsu interrupted.
"I-"
Lucy stuttered around an answer, not truly knowing what to say. No one had said that. She'd simply assumed that there was no possible way that her feelings would be reciprocated because it was Natsu. Natsu, who had never shown romantic interest in anyone, let alone her. It was just an informed assumption based on years of friendship that she thought was just that—friendship. She had never considered the idea that he might feel the same way, and now it felt like everything she knew about him had been flipped on its head.
"I just didn't think that you-"
Her breath hitched in the middle of her sentence as her mind began to race with the possibility of being loved back.
"Why'd you never ask me?"
Because I didn't want you to reject me. Because I couldn't handle seeing your face as you tried to let me down easy. Because I knew that if I did, things would never be the same between us again.
There were so many answers to his question running through her head that she just couldn't seem to figure out which one she wanted to hear.
"Because I wasn't sure I was ready for the answer."
Natsu was quiet for a moment in response, and Lucy felt her heart sink to her stomach. He still hadn't given her a real answer. For all she knew, she was simply getting her hopes up only to watch her friendship with Natsu come crumbling down.
In a small, dwindling moment of courage, Lucy squeaked out a soft, "do you?"
"Yeah," he breathed. "I do."
Those were the words that she had been waiting for him to say for all too long. She had dreamed of hearing it from him for longer than she could recall.
Suddenly, everything started to fall into place.
"Is that… Is that why you've been avoiding me all week?" She asked. "Because you were jealous?"
Well, it sounds bad when you put it that way…" He murmured.
"It sounds bad no matter what way you put it!" Lucy exclaimed.
So much of the pain and despair she had been feeling could have been foregone if he had just told her how he felt. She had never felt such joy and such frustration at the very same time, because, god, he felt the same way about her, but he had put her through such heartache over a little secret that it made her want to scream.
"I don't know if I should be mad or if I should kiss you senseless."
She knew she couldn't be mad, even if she tried. He was protecting his heart the same way she was protecting hers—she could never hold that against him. She'd be a hypocrite to pretend she was any better.
"Can you do the second one?" Natsu asked, drawing her back into the moment and away from her thoughts—and who was she to deny him?
With no reply, Lucy placed her hands on his shoulders and pressed her lips against his, sending them stumbling back into his home. He caught her by the hips, hands gripping tight, and Lucy hoped that he wouldn't be letting go any time soon.