Lisa

"Dude, she thought you called out 'Mommy'? Oh sweet Jesus, that is the best thing I've ever heard! Seriously. You just made my week." Sehun laughs as he pats my back.

"It's always a pleasure when my humiliation amuses you."

Sehun continues laughing and shaking his head as he works on the car panel in front of him. We have three minutes to do our job on the car in progress before the conveyor belt starts moving the car down the line again for the next pair of workers.

"How in the hell did you diffuse the situation? That's what I want to know!" Jim walks up behind me to grab a clipboard off of the table and makes some notes, waiting patiently for my answer.

"Well, having her mother walk in on us helped. Jennie was completely focused on her making comments about my ass rather than on the fact that I may or may not have called out something completely inappropriate during sex. Is it wrong that I'd rather she thought I did call her 'Mommy' instead of just admitting I really said 'marry me'?" I ask.

"I dated a girl once who liked to call me 'Daddy' in the sack. It was kind of hot until I actually met her dad. He looked like Danny Devito, but shorter and with less hair. He always smelled like farts and swiss cheese and liked to bark at hot chicks when they'd walk by him in public," Sehun tells us.

"I take that back. It would have been less painful for her to think I proposed than to hear that story," I say disgustedly.

"So what's the plan now? So far a baseball game and post-coital hasn't worked for ya. Got any other tricks up your sleeve?" Jim jokes.

"I was thinking about doing it over dinner maybe. Someplace really romantic. Isn't that what you said I should do that night after we tried on tuxes?"

Jim looks at me in confusion. "I did? I don't recall. Although I woke up at three in the morning in your bathtub with no pants on that night, so it's possible I had some really good ideas."

"Ooooooh! You should totally propose at our rehearsal dinner next weekend," Jim says excitedly as he slams the clipboard down on the table.

"Really? I don't know. It seems like kind of an intrusion on you and Doyeon. That's your special day."

"Slow down there, Miss Manners. I'm not asking you to have a double-wedding with us. Just pop the question over dinner. Please, God, give me something else to think about right now other than aisle runners, boutonnières, and swatches," Jim complains.

"Are you wearing a Swatch Watch for your wedding?" Sehun asks, forming the letter "X" with his arms in front of him and pronouncing the words with flair.

"Funny. Just wait until Minnie gets her hooks in you and you have to deal with her psycho mother. Every time Mary Kim walks in the room and shows me a ribbon sample I want to say, 'Did you see that? The fuck I give. It went that way.' I'm about one tablecloth color away from just telling everyone to bring a side dish and a lawn chair to our backyard and have Sehun get ordained on the internet to do the ceremony," Jim complains. "Doyeon asked me the other day what I thought about twice baked potatoes. How the fuck should I know? Was I supposed to be thinking about twice baked potatoes all this time? Is this where I went wrong? Are grown men supposed to have an opinion about twice baked potatoes?"

Jim looks like his head is about ready to explode. He stands there with his arms outstretched like he's pleading for understanding or some sort of man hug. Since Sehun and I aren't the man-hugging type, Jim finally drops his arms and continues with his rant.

"And my parents, being the good Christian people they are, think one bottle of wine on every table is enough liquor. My mother's exact words were, 'If we run out, we run out. People will just have to make do with water.'"

Sehun's mouth drops open as the car we finished moves down the line and a new one follows in its wake.

"Water? At a wedding? I don't understand," he asks in confusion. "Did you invite Jesus? That's the only way that will be acceptable."

"Please, for the love of God, propose to Jennie at the rehearsal dinner so my future mother-in-law will squeal in someone else's ear for one night. I beg of you," Jim pleads.

I think about Jim's suggestion while I get to work on the next vehicle. The restaurant where the rehearsal dinner will be held is a really beautiful place. And our friends will all be there to witness the event, something I'm sure Jennie will love. The more I go over the idea in my head, the more excited I become. The rest of the night at work flies by as Sehun and Jim help me come up with the perfect plan to ask Jennie to be my wife.

--

The following Friday evening, Jennie, Gabi, and I pull into the parking lot of Pier W, a beautiful landmark restaurant in Cleveland that is designed to resemble the hull of a luxury liner. Its location, perched high on a cliff overlooking Lake Erie, gives it a breathtaking view and makes me one hundred percent certain I have chosen the best location for a marriage proposal.

After a short run-through of the ceremony at the church where the wedding will be held the following afternoon, everyone is looking forward to a relaxing evening with good food and drinks. Jim and Sehun keep eying me with furtive glances the entire time we are at the church, winking at me and nudging my arm whenever they can. I come close to punching Sehun in the stomach directly under a statue of Mary at one point.

"Hey, Lisa, can I pop you a question?"

It's the fourth time Sehun has made a reference to asking a question, and I've had enough. The groomsmen are standing in a straight line at the side of the altar while the priest speaks quietly to Doyeon and Jim in the center of the aisle.

"Will you shut the fuck up already? Jennie's going to get suspicious you dick-fuck!" I whisper angrily at him.

"Whoa, dude, slow your roll. You just said f-u-c-k in front of the Virgin Mary. Show some respect," Sehun scolds.

"What's a virgin?" Gabi asks from his position standing next to me as he swings the ring bearer pillow around his head like a lasso.

"Uh, it's a kind of chicken," I stammer. "Very rare. No one talks about it."

It's impossible not to be nervous as I take Jennie's hand and help her out of the car. My palms are sweating, and I hope she doesn't notice as I stand there for a minute staring at her while she helps Gabi out of his car seat.

She's so fucking beautiful I want to cry like a baby.

She closes Gabi's car door and catches me staring at her.

"Are you okay? You seem a little out of it," she says as she looked me over.

Shit, is my forehead sweating? Is she looking at me right now wondering why I look like a chubby with a heart condition who just ate her weight in chicken wings and Jell-O salad at a buffet? That's not a good look to have when you want the woman you love to look into your eyes and pledge her undying love by saying 'yes' to marrying you.

"Mom, my stinky wiener ticks," Gabi states, interrupting the sweat fest and giving me time to wipe my forehead.

"Um, what does that mean?" Jennie asks him.

"It means GET A MOVE ON! I wanna eat some beef turkey!"

The three of us turn and make our way up the sidewalk to the set of stairs that will lead us to the rock face where the restaurant sits.

Once inside the doors, the maître d' escorts us across the room to a long table set up in front of panoramic windows that overlook the lake. We are the last to arrive, as per the plan devised by Sehun and Jim. The last three empty seats are strategically placed at the end of the table, the perfect spot for everyone to see what is going to happen.

Our friends are all in the midst of quiet conversations amongst themselves when we walk up but stop long enough to greet us and for Jim to make sure we know not to order any drinks since they are getting champagne. The mention of champagne is over exaggerated with a wink when Jennie turns to help Gabi into his seat.

As the conversation moves to talk of the wedding the following day, I try to listen while going over my lines in my head. It doesn't seem appropriate to use the same speech I had prepared for the Indian's game proposal since there were words like "grand slam" and "switch hitter".

Hey, I never had said it was the best speech.

Since that plan had tanked, I needed to start from scratch. On our lunch hours at work every night this week, Sehun and Jim helped me write the perfect words to say to Jennie. Okay, Jim helped me write the perfect words. Sehun wanted me to just throw a ping pong ball at her face, reminiscent of her bartending days at Fosters' Bar and Grill where she made up the game P.O.R.N. According to him, I should whip it at her chin and say, "That won't be the only ball bouncing off your chin if you say yes!"

After three rough drafts of the proposal and several uses of , Jim and I had written the most perfect proposal ever. This night needs to be flawless. Jennie will spend countless hours retelling the story of how I proposed to everyone she knows, and even a few strangers, for the rest of her life. She deserves the most romantic story to tell.

The waitress comes around a few minutes later to take everyone's order.

"So, little man, what can I get you?" she asks as she bends down to Gabi's level.

"I want a virgin," he states.

Jennie starts choking on her water and Doyeon reaches over to pat her on the back.

"I'm sorry, what do want to order?" the waitress asks him in confusion.

"A virgin. I want to order a virgin," he repeats, looking at her like she was a moron.

"Don't we all, son. Don't we all," Jim's father mumbles from a few spots down, receiving a smack on the arm from his wife.

"I think he means chicken," I clarify sheepishly.

"Yes, because that makes perfect sense," Jennie says under her breath as she picks up her water glass and attempts to take another sip.

With our orders taken, the waitress disappears and conversation resumes.

"Jim, I've been meaning to ask if you were able to finish hot gluing those crystals to all the ribbons for the church programs," Mrs. Mary Kim asks. "And also, don't forget to put Preparation H under your eyes tomorrow morning."

Sehun starts laughing and Minnie kicks him under the table.

"I'm totally calling him Hemorrhoid Head all day tomorrow." Sehun leans over and whispers to me. "I know he's been stressed about the wedding, but I didn't realize it would cause ass itching under his eyes."

Jim's mom hears Sehun and gives him a stern look that instantly wipes the smile off of his face.

"Sehun, it is well documented that this type of cream can reduce puffiness under one's eyes. Very effective when one needs to have their pictures taken," she states primly.

"Also very funny when one's eyes now have anal leakage," Sehun says under his breath.

"Jim, before you leave tonight remind me to give you the magazine photos of the two different floral arches for you to look at. You'll just need to tell the florist which one you want her to use at the reception tomorrow when she delivers the boutonnières," Doyeon's mom adds.

Jim is right. This woman is a walking, talking wedding robot.

"Jesus Christ, do it already before she starts talking about wedding favors and I grow a vagina," Jim begs in a low whisper.

I give him a nod to let him know I'm ready. A big grin breaks across his face as he completely ignores Weddingbot 2000 and signals our waitress while Jennie is busy discussing the difference between good words and bad words with Gabi.

Jim and I had met with the manager of the restaurant and our waitress the day before to go over the plan for the evening. The waitress will bring over a tray of champagne for everyone at the table as soon as she is given the signal. At the bottom of Jennie's glass will be the engagement ring I had dropped off this afternoon when I ran out to pick up Gabi's and my tux.

I couldn't believe it was finally time to do this. I am going to propose to the woman of my dreams who I thought I'd never see again after our one night in college.

The waitress is back and has served almost half the table their glasses of champagne. I figure it's now or never.

I reach down and clasp Jennie's hand that rests on my thigh, bringing it up to my lips, trying to calm the frantic beating of my heart.

When she feels my lips on her hand, she turns to look at me.

"I love you so much, Jennie," I say softly as I see the waitress move closer and closer to us out of the corner of my eye.

"I love you too, Lisa," she replies with a smile.

The waitress only has two more people to serve before she gets to us. I know I need to speed things up a bit if I want to time everything just right.

"Oh my gosh, wait until you hear what Minnie said to me earlier. I can't believe I forgot to tell you," Jennie says as she leans in closer to me and glances over my shoulder to make sure Minnie isn't listening.

I look behind me as well and see the waitress rounding the table, heading right for us. I need to be down on my knee when she places Jennie's glass in front of her.

Shit!

"Jennie, hold that thought. I have something I need to say."

She completely ignores me and turns sideways in her chair so she can face me and get closer.

"Wait, this is really good! You're going to love this," she says excitedly as my foot starts bouncing frantically on the floor when I see the waitress stop right behind Jennie to say something to Gabi. "Okay, so Minnie said Sehun's been acting funny lately. Talking about weddings and marriage proposals and asking her hypothetical questions like, 'If I were to propose to you, what would you want me to say?' Sehun is so damn obvious."

I look back at Jennie, barely registering what she is saying and wondering if it's bad manners to tell her to shut the hell up right before I ask her to marry me.

"Huh? What did you say?" I ask her as she continues to talk and I miss the last few sentences.

"I said Minnie thinks Sehun is going to propose to her tonight. Can you believe that shit?"

My head slowly turns to face her, my mouth falling open in shock, the waitress with the champagne long forgotten.

"Sehun? Propose? Tonight?"

Fuckshitballdamn!

"I know, right? First of all, they haven't been together that long and second – who the hell proposes at someone else's rehearsal dinner? That's in poor taste if you ask me. You're taking the spotlight off of the soon-to-be-married couple and putting it on you. It's like a slap in the face to them. Like, 'Oh hey, look at me! I'm an asshole and want all eyes on me instead of the two people they should be on! Ha ha, I'm such an asshole, who has a camera to document my assholeness for all of eternity?'" Jennie says with a laugh and a shake of her head for the imaginary asshole in her mind.

Except I'm the asshole! I'm the mother fucking asshole!

An arm slides between our bodies and in the haze of my asshole pity party, I realize there is a champagne glass attached to the end of it. I literally feel my brain shutting down. I hear a computerized voice in there counting backwards from five and feel like I'm in the movie "The Hurt Locker" and don't know whether to cut the red or the blue wire.

The red or the blue?? THE RED OR THE MOTHER FUCKING BLUE?!

Jennie reaches for her glass of champagne.

You know how people always talk about how during a moment of panic they feel like they're in a dream and everything is in slow motion? I have never experienced that before and always just assume they are full of shit and trying to make their story sound better.

Well, I'm right.

This shit isn't moving in slow motion; it's moving faster than the speed of light, and I'm cutting the wrong wire and exploding into a complete jackass spaz.

My arm, as if completely detached from my body, flies away from its spot resting on the table, knocking over a lit candle, the salt shaker, my own glass of champagne, and two full water glasses until my hand grasps onto Jennie's champagne flute right before it touches her lips.

I yank the glass out of her hand, sloshing expensive champagne everywhere in the process. In the back of my mind I could hear someone yelling, "Noooooooooo!" and am completely oblivious to the fact that the bat shit crazy screamer in the middle of Pier W is me.

Not even taking one second to think about my actions or the fact that everyone in the place is looking at me in horror, I quickly bring the glass to my lips, tip my head back, and dump everything into my mouth, including the ring.

Sehun leans over and whispers in my ear when I slam the empty glass back down on the table. "Dude, are you changing the plan? Because if the new plan is that you're going to try and shit out that ring, I gotta tell ya, that's not very romantic."