Jennie

"When asked if he enjoyed preschool, the precocious four-year-old asked me if I was the police. When I told him that no, I was not the police, he informed me that I should go to jail and called me a 'dicky punk'."

Lisa laughs as she reads the magazine interview aloud. Lana had sent me an email copy of the interview right after she finished it so I could look it over, but seeing it in print in one of my absolute favorite magazines that I have read cover to cover for years and only dreamed about one day being in makes me feel a little sick to my stomach.

"How can you laugh about this? This isn't funny."

"Gabi is quite obviously fond of both of his parents. When asked what his favorite thing about his Dada was he replied, 'He tucks me in at night and tells me that if I eat my green beans my wiener will grow big and strong just like hers,'" Lisa reads with a laugh.

"I'm buying that kid a Porsche. He just told all of America that I have a big, strong penis."

I shake my head at her and get up to dump the rest of my now cold coffee into the sink and rinse out my cup. My morning coffee, which usually brings me close to orgasm and gives me the strength to make it through the day, leaves me feeling queasy. I've only been able to stomach two sips of it. I'm guessing that the combination of seeing my name in print in my most beloved food magazine and listening to Lisa read back to me the embarrassment of that day three weeks ago is the culprit for my upset stomach.

"Jennie, this interview is awesome. She raves about how amazing you are by making your dreams come true and how absolutely delicious everything you make is. This is going to drum up so much business for the store. You should be proud," Lisa tells me. "Although, I really think we need to sit down and talk about this porn comment. I get that you're uncomfortable about it, but you don't need to be with me. I like porn. I like to watch porn. I would especially like to watch porn with you," she states as she set the magazine down on the kitchen table, stands up, and walks over to me.

She rests her hands on the counter on either side of me, caging me in. She presses her body up against my back and places a kiss to my shoulder. I sigh, memories of the last time we stood like this in the kitchen flooding my mind. Even having my mother walk in on us doesn't diminish the hotness that is kitchen sex.

"What's really going on in that head of yours?" Lisa asks as she rests her chin on my shoulder and we stare out of the little window above the sink. I watch Gabi in the front yard, sitting on the walkway right in front of the porch drawing with sidewalk chalk. "I can tell something has been on your mind, so what gives?"

Just tell her. Tell her that all of a sudden after Doyeon and Jim's wedding, all you can think about is donning a white dress, standing in front of everyone you know, and committing the rest of your life to this man.

"Ever since the wedding you've been on edge. Don't worry, I have no intention of dragging you to the altar if that's what you're worried about," Lisa says with a laugh.

I close my eyes and let my head fall forward. I should have never made those little comments all these months about how I'm not sure about the whole idea of marriage. How the hell am I supposed to know I'd change my mind?

"It's nothing, really," I reassure her, turning in her arms and putting on a happy face I don't really feel. I place my hands on her cheeks and pull her face to mine, kissing her with all of the love I feel bubbling in side of me. Lisa moans softly and wraps her arms around me, holding me tight.

The front door opens and closes, and we end the kiss that's sure to heat up if we don't stop. No matter what we have going on in our minds, no matter what kind of struggles we are dealing with, nothing can change the spark between us or how much we want and need each other. That is one thing I'm absolutely positive of. Right now, that is the only thing I am sure of.

"I love you," I tell her, staring into her gorgeous brown eyes and trying to push my worries to the back of my mind. "I'm just out of sorts. Doyeon has been crazy busy since she got back from her honeymoon. We haven't had a lot of time to talk and I miss her. And I just haven't been feeling well."

Lisa puts her hand to my forehead as Gabi comes running into the room.

"You do look a little flushed. Are you coming down with something?" she asks, pressing the back of her hand to one of my cheeks.

"I'm sure it's nothing. Just stress," I reassure her.

"Hey, Dada, guess what my favorite word is?" Gabi asks as he stands next to us, bouncing back and forth excitedly from one foot to the other.

"I don't know, what's your favorite word?" Lisa asks as we separate from our embrace, and I go back to rinsing out my coffee cup and the other couple of dishes in the sink.

"Nutjob. Nutjob is my favorite word."

"Of course it is," Lisa states with a sigh as she lifts Gabi into her arms and starts walking across the kitchen, no doubt to once again explain to him the difference between little people words and big people words. I know it's wrong to staple something to someone's head, but I am two seconds away from writing this rule down on a piece of paper and smacking it to Gabi's head with the black Swingline that's on our computer desk. And just that quickly, I feel like crying for even thinking about doing that to my son. I'm obviously having issues.

"I'll give Jim a call and see if they have any plans tonight. I think you just need a night out to take your mind off of everything," Lisa tells me as I watch her walk out of the room giving Gabi a few tickles and blowing a zerbert on his cheek.

She's probably right. I just need a night out with friends, particularly my best friend. Doyeon and I haven't had any alone time since she's been home. She has told me more than once to just say the word and she'll drop everything so we can sit down and talk, but I feel bad about imposing on her. She's a newlywed with her own business to worry about. I don't want to bring her down with my insecurities. If I don't talk to someone, though, I'm going to explode. I can feel it.

Or maybe throw up. I suddenly have an image in my mind of a person literally being blown to bits with blood and gore and body parts splattering against a wall. With my hand to my mouth I race to the bathroom to throw up the small amount of coffee I consumed.

--

"Seriously, Jennie? How is it that we've been friends all these months and I didn't know that you've never been to one?" Minnie asks with a shocked expression on her face.

"What are we discussing here, ladies? Donkey shows? Midget and donkey shows? Ping pong shooting vaginas in Tijuana?" Sehun asks as he gets back from the bathroom and takes his seat at the table.

Lisa calls everyone earlier in the day and demands they clear their schedules for a night out. It really isn't too hard to convince anyone to do this, but I still appreciate the fact that she's organized it for me and knows how much I need it. We are just finishing up dinner at Lorenzo's, our favorite local pizza place that's famous for not only good food but cheap draft beers. My stomach still isn't feeling one hundred percent better after that morning so while everyone around me enjoys their drafts, I stick to 7 Up in the hopes of settling things down.

"Jennie has never been to a sex toy shop," Minnie informs him.

"Wait, I'm confused. Doyeon owns a sex toy shop, and it's right next door to Jennie's," Sehun tells her, turning his attention on me. "Dude, you've never walked over to the shop that's connected to yours? That's a little weird."

"Of course I've been to Doyeon's store. I've just never been to any other store. And I don't really think her store counts since it's not like it's full of sex toys right out in front," I explain.

"True. My store is like a mullet. Business in the front, party in the back," Doyeon states.

"Or like anal," Sehun says with a laugh.

Everyone stares at him.

"What? It's totally like anal. Business in the front, party in the back. Hello? Why is that not funny?"

Minnie pats his arm for comfort and we all resume our discussion.

"If you guys will remember, I never even owned a vibrator until Doyeon conned me into doing one of her at-home parties," I remind them.

"Ahhhh yes, the infamous dinner where we talked about your vagina and sex toys all night long," Jim says with a laugh.

That night still goes down in history as one of the most mortifying nights of my life. It had been the night after I saw Lisa again for the first time since our one-night-stand. I walked into Doyeon and Jim's house, talking nonsense about my vagina and how I'd never had an orgasm with another human being when I turned around and saw Lisa and Sehun sitting on the couch listening to every word. Jim met them earlier in the day and unbeknownst to Doyeon or I, invited them over for dinner. The rest of the night had been spent discussing how many sex toys I received at the party earlier that evening and the fact I only had sex one and a half times in my life.

"Anyway," I say with a glare to Jim, bringing the conversation back around. "No, I've never been inside a real, live sex toy store."

Sehun pushes his chair back and stands up, placing his hands on his hips.

"Grab your keys, folks. We're going to pop Jennie's toy store cherry!"

Everyone pays their bills and Doyeon announces to the guys that the girls need some alone time. The men all pile into Sehun's car and Minnie and I get into Doyeon's car to head to the Adult Mart a few towns over.

"Okay, spill it bitch. What's going on with you?" Doyeon asks as she pulls out of the parking lot and follows Sehun's car.

That's all it takes for the dam to break. I immediately start crying.

God dammit, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Minnie leans forward from the back seat and hands me a kleenex. I take it and blow my nose, taking deep breaths to calm myself down.

"I don't think Lisa wants to marry me," I say between sniffles.

"Whoa, wait a minute. Did she say that to you? I will kick her fucking ass," Doyeon threatens as she turns on her blinker and gets onto the ramp for the highway.

"No! No, she didn't say those exact words. It's just little things that have happened the past few weeks," I tell her.

"Okay, what little things? And why is this news to me that you even care about getting married? You have always been a staunch supporter of living in sin because of your parents. Why the sudden change of heart?"

This is where I feel stupid. Does it sound dumb that my change of heart came from being jealous of her and Jim? That seeing them so happy and pledging their love to one another has made me realize how much I want that for myself?

"I know that's what I've always said, and I guess part of me really believed that. I mean come on, my parents don't exactly have the best track record. What makes me think I would be any good at that kind of thing?" I ask.

"Sweetie, no one knows if they will be good at that kind of thing. It's not like you're born with a marriage gene. It all just depends on the person you're with. If you can look at that person and know without a doubt that you want to spend the rest of your life kissing them goodnight and waking up next to them, marriage is for you," she tells me.

I start crying again and put my head in my hands.

"When I caught the bouquet at your reception, you should have seen the look of horror on Lisa's face. She seriously looked petrified that the old wives' tale would come true," I explain as I wipe the tears from my cheeks and take a deep breath.

Doyeon stares at me while we sit at a red light.

"What?" I ask.

"You mean that's it? That's where all of this doubt and sadness is coming from? she looked at you a little funny when you caught a bouquet at a wedding? That doesn't exactly scream 'I hate marriage' you know. She could have just been a little surprised. Did she actually say she was freaked out that you caught the bouquet?"

I huff and my sadness is immediately replaced with irritation.

"No, she didn't come right out and say it, but I could tell. And I don't know, there's been a bunch of other little things here and there. She was all weird at your rehearsal dinner, smacking the champagne out of my hand and she's made these comments about how she won't be dragging me to the altar and how she's glad she'll never have to worry about asking my dad for permission because my dad still scares the shit out of her," I tell her.

"Um, not to butt in here or anything, but do you think maybe she's saying stuff like that because she knows how you feel about the whole subject? Maybe she really does want to marry you but she doesn't want to freak you out about the whole thing since you've made it clear your parents left a lasting impression on you in that area," Minnie says from the back seat with a surprising amount of insight.

"Shockingly, I agree with Minnie. Until you sit down and talk to her about this, you're just going to keep jumping to conclusions and making yourself miserable. I love you, Jennie, but you're acting like an asshole," Doyeon says as she pulled into the Adult Mart parking lot. "You know what happens when you assume things."

I let out a sigh. "You make an ass out of you and me."

She maneuvers the car into a spot right next to the guys and shuts off the car but makes no move to get out.

"No, you just make an ass out of you. Me, I would never be this assy," she replies. "You love Lisa and it is obvious how much she adores you. Stop being a dick, man up, and talk to her. Sit her down and tell her that you don't really have a late night porn addiction but you've been secretly watching wedding shows and sneaking into the magazine aisle at the grocery store in sweats, slippers, sunglasses, and a trench coat to scan the bridal magazines like some deprived housewife needing a Playgirl fix," Doyeon tells me firmly.

"Ooooh, I love Playgirl!" Minnie said. "I have a prescription to it. I learned how to deep throat while hanging my head off of the end of the bed last month. You know how in the movie 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin' Steve Carell screams out Kelly Clarkson's name when he's getting waxed? Sehun screamed out Willie Nelson's name when he came. It was so hot."

"Oh my God, Minnie. Too much information," I tell her with a grimace as I cover my mouth with my hand and swallow back a little bit of vomit I burped up at the thought of that moment in time in Minnie and Sehun's bedroom.

"Hey, are you feeling okay? You look a little green," Doyeon states as we opened our car doors and step out into the night air.

I take a few deep breaths and will my stomach to calm and not bring up dinner.

"And what the hell was wrong with you tonight drinking pop at Lorenzo's? That's like blasphemy," Doyeon tells me as she clicks the automatic door lock on her keys and the car horn beeps once. "You're not pregnant are you?!"

She and Minnie start cackling with laughter as they walk ahead of me to meet up with the guys who stand holding the door to the store open for us.

I trail behind them a few steps, the smile dying from my lips as I start doing calculations in my head. I stop in my tracks a few feet from the front door and stare in horror at Lisa.

She gives me a heart-stopping smile and in response, I throw my hand over my mouth and run to the bushes on the edge of the sidewalk, depositing two slices of pizza, two glasses of pop, and my dignity onto the front lawn.