Chapter 733: Beaulieu Manor

Tuesday, March 21st, Afternoon

She got home from school and went up to her room. Her backpack was thrown in the corner. Walking into her shared bathroom, she showered and changed into yoga pants and a T-shirt. Crashing on her bed, she tried to do her homework.

Sawyer flipped open her first book and looked at the assignment. There were words on the page, and she knew they formed sentences, but they didn't make sense. Nothing was making sense anymore, as she closed her eyes in frustration. Sawyer slammed the book shut and threw it across the room. She let out a heavy sigh that could almost be classified as a scream. She collapsed onto her bed in a heap and stared blankly at the wall.

Lies I told me

When my symptoms aren't showing

My smile keeps glowing

While the fires that are inside keep on growing

She missed cheerleading; it gave her a purpose, and it gave her something to do. Sawyer looked at the walls and the plainness of it all. Cheerleading kept her busy; it kept her among people and peers. Now she's alone in her room in a place that's not even her home. Here she was in the most glided of cages.

Cheerleading was her escape, her purpose, other than her form of Cosplay. Every year, she looked forward to ComCons, Ren Fairs, anything she could do to dress up, be someone else for a day, an afternoon. But the world seemed to pick on Sawyer; she never had it easy. All the stuff her siblings had done, it was never easy for Sawyer. All the things her siblings had gotten into had made her different, made her watched, and she had to be perfect, always.

Is anybody there?

Does anybody even care?

Is anybody home?

I need you to pick the phone

Just say hello

How ya doin today?

I wanna tell a lie but

I need to say that

I'm not, ok

When did it go to hell? Sawyer blankly reflected at the wall. Was it always the way? Sawyer took a deep breath and let it out. Where did it go all wrong? The lies her dad's books told her, were they the cause of it all? Why do the things she cared about leave her? It's like death by a thousand paper cuts, just another death in the afternoon.

Where did it all start? Sawyer looked back through blank eyes at the bland wall. Basketball, the day she got the test results, the day she found out she lost the genetic lottery, unlike her siblings. Sawyer was ready to be a bench player and limit her minutes. But she promised to hang up her basketball shoes and end it before it began.

Next, three years ago, not even recovered from giving up basketball, it happened the worst New Year's Eve ever, Sawyer reflected. The less said about it, the better.

Keith went away next. Her big brother, her only brother, someone she could talk to over team chat or face to face. Often, she stayed at Leighton in her old room when Keith was home. It felt right to be in Leighton in that bedroom down the hall from the main bedroom. She could look out the window and see Gareth's room and signal to him.

Gareth! How could he just end such a long friendship over such a dick like Jackin? Sawyer never cared for Jackin; Gareth knew that. Why did Gareth get into a fight with Jackin? That was never Gareth. Jackin's a dick. Gareth then ghosted her and completely disappeared from their friend group. Over a fight that he picked with Jackin, Sawyer mused blankly. Also, why does he still watch over her? He ended it! Life was so much better when Gareth was there.

The last was Kier. Sawyer looked blankly at the wall. He made her feel special, heard, and wanted. What for? Sawyer made a fist and stared at it. He only wanted sex with her, and she went for it. Then Kier was gone with the wind.

I'm stuck in a city

Never sleeping, always keeping me on edge

And I try to scream out

It just echos in the chamber of my head

The world seemed so empty, gray now, Sawyer reflected. Nothing mattered; no one cared. Sawyer is Sawyer Scott; she's untouchable. Sawyer is too pretty to hurt. Sawyer is too popular to worry about anything. Sawyer has too much money to care. That's what her peers say about her.

Sawyer always found comfort in the oddballs, the misfits, and the rejects. They matched how she felt about herself. Sure, her little close circle was interesting, different, and mismatched—Dex, the orphaned football player who didn't fit into any world. Wendy, the smoking vulgar girl who could weld modern industrial art. Alesha, the girl who seemed lost after her dad passed. Keni, who, while her closest and dearest friend, played her own music. LK, her cousin, who no one seemed to understand. Gareth, what to say about Gareth?

Gareth had been there since she was five. They always seemed to be in the same classes. The Terrible Three eventually became a foursome. Keni and Gareth liked each other, and Keni liked no one. Gareth seemed to get LK. Things were just so easy with Gareth. He never seemed to lose his temper with Sawyer. Sawyer knew he should've lost his shit many times, but Gareth never did. He was patient with her and would give her a look to tell her enough already, Sawyer. Sawyer missed that.

Sawyer missed a lot of things. She missed Gareth. She missed Keith. She missed her bedroom at Leighton. Sawyer missed her old dad. Most of all, Sawyer missed her mom.

Is anybody there?

Does anybody even care?

Is anybody home?

I need you to pick the phone

Just say hello

How ya doin today?

I wanna tell a lie but

I need to say that

I'm not, ok

The lights on the bland wall changed, and the bedroom door opened. Sawyer watched as someone walked in and looked at her. Sawyer stared at the reflection of herself in fifteen years; when did her green eyes turn blue? Where were her tight curls?

"Sawyer," Ellie said.

Sawyer blinked her eyes and studied her sister. The oldest one next to her. Nothing came to Sawyer's mouth, just the wisps of a breath and maybe the remains of a stillborn sentence. There was nothing to say, but she watched Ellie as the older Scott came over to the bed and sat down.

"Brooke sent me to get you for dinner," Ellie said.

When everything is burnin

And the world keeps turning

They just turn the page

I want you to take me home

Tell me I'm not alone

Tell me it's ok

That I'm not ok

Sawyer watched as Ellie looked around the room. Finally, Ellie looked at Sawyer.

"Are you okay?" Ellie asked.

Sawyer slowly sat up, looked at Ellie, and shook her head. "No, I'm not okay," Sawyer said.

Ellie leaned over and pulled Sawyer into a hug. "It's okay to not be okay," Ellie whispered into Sawyer's ear.

Is anybody there?

Does anybody even care?

Is anybody home?

I need you to pick the phone

Just say hello

How ya doin today?

I wanna tell you lies but

I need to say that I'm not

I'm not Ok