Their arctic commune had been quieter lately.
Not that Technoblade minded, it had been one of the reasons he'd moved so far away in the first place. Constant snow and temperatures ill-suited for his piglin blood were things he had chosen to suffer in exchange for some darn peace, a place he could live where people wouldn't find and disturb him. As fate would have it, that wasn't exactly in the cards for Techno. Perhaps he should have expected as much, considering what terms he left on. Despite his original retirement plans not panning out though, Techno was still content with the home he had built, alongside Phil and Ranboo.
But Ranboo was gone. And the commune was quieter than it used to be.
Technoblade sped up his step whenever he passed that shack now. It felt like a stain, an eyesore that hovered at the edge of his peripheral vision and refused to be entirely looked away from. Phil and he took turns going there to make certain the animals were fed or to trade with the villagers. And for a short time, Tubbo had lived there with Michael too. But aside from that, it remained empty.
Sometimes, he would see its former owner. Much like the odd atmosphere around the commune these days, they seemed strange and hovering. Fragile, almost. Painful and raw. Boo waved at him from the window sometimes when they caught Techno's glances.
Technoblade never talked to them if he could help it.
("You're hurt," he had said when he first saw the ghost, as if that at all made it easier to bear that he had been there to see the wound inflicted. And he had not stilled Sam's hand.)
Yet life remained the same, days passed and Techno continued because it's what he did. He persisted. He survived. He found that carrying on was as easy as waking up each morning and watching dawn break over the tundra while ringing his bell to pay respects to those who had fallen. The voices were quieter too recently and part of him wanted to believe they were grieving alongside him. Chat had adored Ranboo for some reason. Almost as much as Technoblade himself had adored them.
Chat was also the one who warned him of Wilbur's approach today. Their continuous chants broken up with warnings.
One of us
E
E
Will we get lore today?
Oh, it's them
E
Aside from Niki, visitors came by his home even more infrequently now than they had before. Technoblade was weary of everybody who did go through the trouble to travel this far into inhospitable territory because they had to be dead set on their intentions - good or bad. Since it was Wilbur though, he was likely coming around for Phil rather than Techno himself. They'd lived together for a while, but Wilbur left. Something about him moving into a van? Honestly, Techno hadn't really been listening. Another side effect of how far away he lived from the main SMP was that he often didn't keep up with current events. He still went outside to greet the man when the voices told him Wilbur would be dropping by.
Their relationship wasn't hostile, but saying they were friendly would be pushing it a little. Strained might be the word Techno would use to describe it. Technoblade didn't think Wilbur was a bad person, but he didn't exactly trust him either. It was complicated.
And speaking of complicated: as he stood on the wooden porch that connected his cabin to Phil's, every exhale becoming a cloud of condensation due to the cold, Technoblade could see that Wilbur wasn't traveling alone. He had brought Tommy with him.
The sight was not surprising with how much time those two spent together, but seeing them like that reminded Techno oddly of Pogtopia - in that nostalgic, painful way memories sometimes festered. Back then Tommy also used to follow Wilbur around like a lost puppy sometimes. Though the desperation behind it was anything but adorable. Techno was not the type of person to regret, his choices were his own and he'd deal with the consequences without wondering what would have happened if he'd made different ones. But that didn't mean he couldn't help but let his thoughts linger sometimes, thinking of that ravine and to what extent he'd let his own ideals blind him back then.
Technosoft, the voices mocked him and he scoffed.
The snow made a wet noise, crunching beneath their shoes as they stepped up onto the porch. Wilbur kicked his boots against the wooden balustrade to rid them of the excess that clung to them. As if trailing it inside would be some travesty.
As Techno already expected, Wilbur came to see Phil.
A bit of a relief, honestly, since Techno had enough chores to tend to without being forced into social situations he'd rather not be in. Lately, the urge to hibernate had been sneaking up on him because the weather was turning bad. But he needed to check the turtles before he gave in. He lingered just long enough to exchange the basic pleasantries expected of him, carefully avoiding eye contact because it might invite more conversation. Distantly, he noted the worry lines around Phil's eyes eased when he saw Wilbur. Techno noticed the way Phil's gaze flitted up and down, silently assessing something. Whatever he found there made Phil happy. Techno looked away.
He wasn't planning on sticking around or eavesdropping. He hadn't planned on getting involved at all, really. But after they'd gone inside, Techno only had time to go into his own house to get his gear and his legwarmers and pull them over his hooves before he stepped back out again at the same time as the door to Phil's house opened.
Techno had been celebrating too soon, thinking he'd manage to avoid any awkwardness today. Tommy and he must have stood there in complete silence for upwards of ten seconds.
Unconsciously, Techno felt himself going through a similar routine as Phil had done with Wilbur. He hadn't really seen Tommy a lot since Doomsday. They definitely hadn't talked. Techno had heard about Tommy dying - again, he was fashionably late to receive the news because they didn't exactly get a newspaper in the arctic - and then his subsequent revival. Those were things that changed a person, Techno knew.
Maybe that's why it was oddly amusing for him to note that Tommy didn't look too different from what Techno remembered. Aside from the strange white streak in his hair (another trait shared with Wilbur. Techno couldn't help but wonder if Tommy was happy about that, collecting any similarity between them like badges of honor to be paraded around. As if it was some great blasphemy to a universe that hadn't made them related despite how clearly they should have been), Tommy was the same. The same too long blond hair, the same cornflower blue eyes with bags beneath them, the same too thin frame as if the kid barely ate, the same shitty red sneakers that got soaked in the snow and soft cardigan not suited for this weather.
Techno could trace every scar on Tommy's face and know its origin. Even if he wasn't there for them, Technoblade was too experienced with war wounds to not know from a glance which were burn marks half-healed and which was a sword coming a bit too close to severing an artery. Tommy had a cut on his eyebrow, just the smallest of little white lines, mostly faded.
His own hands had done that, grappling in the ravine's pit. Technoblade would never forget.
"What are you staring at me for?" Tommy asked. His voice had risen a bit in anger, affronted by Techno's gaze being stuck on him. But mostly he just sounded tired.
Technoblade could relate. He was downright exhausted himself.
Snapping out of his own musings, Techno chuckled a bit as he looked away to check the legwarmers again, though it lacked real humor. He'd rather have the braces attached properly before he'd get caught knee-deep in the snow and lost one while trudging around. Chat would never stop making fun of him. "You're on my porch, so it's kinda hard not to look at you."
"Well, cut it out. It's fucking creepy." Crossing his arms, Tommy leaned back against the balustrade. As if Tommy's stress wasn't clear in… pretty much everything else he was doing, he was also tapping his foot insistently. Techno remembered that particular habit from back when they lived together.
The whole situation with Wilbur must be about ten times as hard on him.
"Tommy, why are you out here?" Techno asked. Satisfied with the leg warmers having no chance of slipping loose, he straightened his back. "Unless you fancy freezing to death."
"Wilbur wanted to talk to Philza by himself," Tommy answered. There was something about the way he said that. As if the very thought pained him. As if he was being shunned from yet another important conversation, another decision he couldn't be a part of.
Techno glanced at the cabin. He had no idea what was being discussed in there, but it wasn't his business and Techno didn't know if it was Tommy's business either, but it probably should be. With a shrug, he checked that his sword and pickaxe were in place. "Well, I would invite you inside, but you know… I value my gapples a bit too much to risk it."
Tommy blinked at him in surprise at the joke, before breaking off into a short but genuine laugh. "Oh, fuck you, man. Fuck you!"
"I'm just sayin'!" Techno raised his hands in defense. "I'm not taking any chances."
This was good, right? Make a joke, lighten the mood. Techno wasn't good with people, sometimes he didn't know if he did things right.
But it was better than having Tommy all sulky.
Technosoft
The child is back!
E
E
And he pretends he doesn't still care?
E
This was going to be a long day with Chat mocking him every breathe, Techno could already tell.
"Now I'm definitely getting in there and stealing them," Tommy threatened. "Say goodbye to your gapples, asshole."
"Nah, nah, we're not doing that." When Tommy pretended that he was going to try and run past Techno, the man caught him by the arm. Tommy flinched a little and stepped back, and Technoblade let go quickly, acting as if he hadn't noticed. If Tommy knew he had, he didn't let it show, playing it off with a continued grin.
"Whatever, I don't want your damn gapples anyway. I can get my own."
"Yeah, I'm sure you have a whole stack of your own stashed away somewhere," Techno shot back sarcastically. He took two steps down the staircase then stopped. "Are you coming or what?"
"What?" Tommy echoed immediately, making Techno smirk. Sue him, it was a little funny.
"I need to check the turtles. Are you coming with me?" he asked.
The fact that Tommy hadn't expected him to offer was written all over his face, but to his credit he recovered quickly enough. "Beats standing around here," he said. Instead of getting off the porch normally, Tommy jumped down the wooden steps, which led to him almost slipping and falling onto his butt. Techno shook his head.
The Arctic was quieter than it used to be. And perhaps some part of Technoblade had missed the noise.
"So, Wilbur huh?" Techno ventured as they started making their way to the turtle farm. He was almost instantly grateful for those legwarmers because the snow reached up to his calves and was a pain to get through.
"What about him?" Tommy said, sounding a bit suspicious. Techno frowned. He didn't think he was doing anything wrong just by asking.
"You're, uh… hanging out a lot? He's doing okay?"
At his genuine curiosity, Tommy's face softened. "Oh, yeah, he's doing- he's working on it. We've been spending time together a lot, it's been nice. Like the old days."
"The old days, hm?" Techno couldn't really tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Tommy didn't hesitate to enlighten him.
"You know, before all of this-" Tommy gestured around, and Techno knew he meant the server as a whole rather than the tundra they were currently in "- went to shit. When things were like, simple, I guess?"
"Can't say I remember things ever being simple."
(He remembered being paranoid and alone and hated for a crime he hadn't wanted to commit, hand forced by another. And then he remembered them taking all the things he had worked for, turning around and ignoring his voice, then fighting him with that same gear.)
"Oh, bullshit. Pogtopia was pretty simple, you just farmed potatoes for twenty hours a day and slept for the other four. It was insane." When Tommy spoke of that time, it was with an almost smile. As if it was a fond memory rather than a cutting one. Techno envied that, a little. "You used to fall asleep standing up, do you remember?"
"Can't say I do," Techno lied.
Liar
Technodeceit
E
Is that called trauma suppression? /s
L
"Tubbo found you like that once, you were standing up and leaning on the hoe like a weirdo, he took a picture and everything!" Tommy insisted.
"Pics or it didn't happen," Techno said.
Tommy made a face that was so funny Techno was almost sad he didn't bring a camera himself. He'd never seen somebody look so downright insulted. "I literally just said there's at least one picture of it."
Techno didn't grant that with a response. He preferred this atmosphere they had going on now, light and casual. There was a time when hanging around with Tommy always felt like this, but that had long since been wiped away. Maybe it was selfish of him to pretend they could emulate that.
Maybe Techno was just tired of the fighting, honestly.
"What about you, big man? How have you been doing?" Tommy asked next. He skipped ahead in the snow a bit, watching his own footsteps make a trail. Techno dragged his own legs because it would tire him out less quickly. And the legwarmers meant it didn't matter if he got covered in sleet up to his knees. He only had to raise his tail so it didn't get stuck in the snow.
"I've never done anything in my life," he said at first, only because he knew it'd be annoying to the kid. True enough, he got Tommy to stick out his tongue in response. "I'm good," he added with a chuckle.
Tommy nodded to himself. "Just good?"
"Just good," Techno agreed.
(Techno woke up every day. Ranboo was still dead. He rang his bells and did his chores. People didn't come to visit him as much anymore. When he was done he read or slept or did whatever he needed to do to get the rest of his time filled. The shack remained empty.
Techno was content.)
"Man, since when have you been this boring?" Tommy complained.
"Since I moved into the middle of nowhere to stop people from asking me annoying questions." Techno was not the person of myth others often gave him credit for. It was kinda amusing they still didn't get that.
"Yeah, sure. That's why you're collecting potion ingredients. Because you're so boring."
Tommy was probably only saying it in jest but Techno hummed his agreement. "Boring or not, you never know when there's another nation that needs blowing up."
"When there's another nation you feel deserves to be blown up?" Tommy said sharply. Techno stopped walking.
"Last I remember somebody else pulled the trigger." Or pressed the button, he should say.
Wilboom
Are we still bringing this up?
E
That's forever ago
E
Boom
Guess he's still salty
"That doesn't make what you did okay," Tommy said. He had also stopped, turning around so they could be face to face.
Techno's claws dug into his palms. He really didn't desire to have this conversation again. There was a lot he could say, every single thought of it burning on his tongue as if it would scald him if he threw them out there. Each one more unnecessary than the next.
But there was only one thing he could say, wasn't there?
"It doesn't."
And no matter what Tommy was expecting, it clearly wasn't this. His mouth already halfway open in retort snapped shut so quickly Techno wondered if his jaw ached from it.
"But it still happened," Techno continued. "A lot of things happened and I'm getting kinda sick of talking about them when nobody's listening."
"I'm listening right now," Tommy said and it made Techno laugh, sardonic humor at this statement not concealed at all.
"You've never listened to me," he said bitterly, "not without only hearing what you wanted to hear."
(When Tommy left him to fend for himself against the crowd, Techno wished he could have been surprised. Or insulted. Or maybe even prideful that Tommy thought so highly of him, that the idea that Techno would be scared when alone against a dozen people wanting his head would not even make him flinch.
Really, Techno could only feel vindicated. Because part of him knew this would happen from the start. People only stuck around as long as they needed him, right?)
Instead of backing down, Tommy took a step forward. Every gesture, every inch of him appeared to Technoblade as if he were being sincere. "Right now, right here then. I'll listen. Try me bitch!"
(The houses that you burnt were my home, that expression said. Justify it to me.
And Techno couldn't, because it had never been about justice.)
Stunned into silence, Techno leaned back onto his hooves a bit. "Okay…"
Tommy made no move to interrupt him. That had to be a first.
"You might not want to believe me, Tommy, but I had a reason to do the things I did. That wasn't just me having a field day." Prime knew that others would credit him for craving violence like a feral animal.
Blood for the blood god, Chat mused as if to disprove his point. But if Techno was completely stuck to their will, he wouldn't be where he was today.
Tommy nodded. "Just because you had a reason also didn't make it okay," he said after a moment.
"Nah," Techno agreed. "That's the thing about people, right? Just because you have your reasons to do the things you do or say the things you say, that doesn't mean you're not going to hurt others with them. That's bound to happen even if it's not your intention. That's what sucks about human nature, after all."
("I'm a person too." His throat had been raw with it, torn open. No matter how much he screamed, it never got further than this dark pit in his gut.)
"And for what it's worth, I'm sorry I hurt you," he said - and meant it. "But I won't be sorry for making my choices, no matter if I would make them again or not. Because they have already been made."
There was no going back, only learning from your actions and making changes based on that. He had a group of people he trusted, and whom he wanted to protect. He had the idea that maybe, they could make a difference if they worked together.
As they continued walking, Tommy didn't say anything. Techno had no idea if his words had hit home. But he could hear Tommy trailing behind him, feet dragging in the snow.
The turtle farm had been left unattended for a while. Techno always hated to make the trip over when it was blizzard season, and he knew he should motivate himself to make the effort more often but as long as he kept up the weekly visits it was probably fine.
Still, there was a lot of snow… basically everywhere.
Cringe
E
L
Yeah that's your own fault lol
Poor turtles
E
With a sigh, Techno got to work. "Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there," he asked Tommy, who was lingering at the side watching him go at it. "I remember you being pretty good at this."
Tommy stuck out his hand reluctantly. "Give me a shovel."
They cleared the snow out in record time. Tommy was quiet throughout it, face scrunched up in concentration as he methodically shoveled snow into the corners and pressed it tight to form little snow walls. Or maybe he was thinking about what Techno had said. The turtles slowly crawled around their feet, grateful for every square inch of sand that was cleared up for them. Techno hadn't thought the logistics through when he made the farm here, part of him always thought the turtles would die from the cold. Which was the main reason he didn't want to grow attached to them, no matter what Chat said. Toby was the only turtle Techno had ever bothered naming, and unlike his hounds, he couldn't tell them apart.
He collected the eggs when they were done. Tommy looked at him, wiping the sweat off his forehead. Combined with the freezing arctic wind that was sharp enough to cut even through Techno's multiple layers, it left Tommy shivering a bit. Despite the noon sun shining down on them it was never really warm this far up north.
Cold, Chat told him helpfully. They might think Techno was lacking eyes. Even a blind person would be able to see Tommy was cold.
He knew they wanted him to do something about it.
Help
Shoat
He's going to freeze after all
Good riddance
Shoat cold
Technoblade would hate to imagine what Tommy would say if he knew Chat considered him a shoat. They couldn't exactly help it, since it was more so Techno's own instincts that would register Tommy as such and they were merely singing along to the same harmony.
But he could already hear Tommy complaining about definitely being a big man.
Still, he reached up to unclasp the cloak around his shoulders. Techno would be able to stand the cold without it. Yes, he was a piglin but he'd become so accustomed to this climate he was almost better adjusted to it than some humans were. His clothes were definitely more suited for it, furlined to keep the heat in and with a water-resistant coating. He'd be fine.
Tommy went completely still when Techno draped it over his shoulders.
The kid swallowed, hard. "What are you-"
"You're shivering so hard I can practically hear your teeth," Techno said. He kept his tone lighthearted, trying not to put any weight behind the gesture that Tommy wouldn't want there to be. Techno giving him his cloak didn't need to mean anything.
Or more accurately: if it meant anything to Techno, that didn't make it mean anything to Tommy either.
"It's not that cold," Tommy bit back. Techno wondered - not for the first time - if it ever got tiring being that darn stubborn.
"Well, if you don't want it." He went to lift it back up but Tommy quickly grasped the edges of the cape, fingers curling in the red fabric and pulling it down over his shoulders protectively.
"I didn't say that." The way he hunched down made him look even smaller.
Tommy had always been on the lanky side in his physique - much like Wilbur, yet another way those two resembled each other. But when he stood like that he seemed so tiny it was almost ridiculous. Piglins did not age the same way as humans and no matter how much Techno's mind screamed at him that Tommy was practically an adult now, it was hard to see him as such.
Techno had already turned away, giving the area one last check to make sure they'd got it all covered before heading back home when Tommy spoke up again.
"Thanks." His voice was small, so he could play it off as a cough if needed. But Techno didn't want him to.
"You're welcome."
"And… I'm sorry too. About all the shit that happened."
Techno almost cringed. He hadn't quite coped with the whole emotional talk thing earlier, he didn't want to return to that topic. "You don't have to be sorry, Tommy."
"No, you were right. I don't think I regret anything, really, but… I also hurt you. And for what it's worth I'm sorry about that." Having his own words echoed back to him was almost funny. Awkwardly, Techno nodded.
"Uh, yeah… thanks?"
"You're such a jerk!" Tommy said suddenly. When he lifted his head, his cheeks were a bit red. To Techno, it was impossible to tell if the reason was the cold or embarrassment. He'd like to think it was the former, just for his own peace of mind. "Here I am trying to be sincere and you're just going to brush me off?"
"I'm not-" Techno cut himself off, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "What do you want me to do, throw a parade?"
"I don't know what I want you to do," Tommy admitted desperately. When he looked at Techno again his eyes were a bit wider, a bit more upset. "There's you and there's Wilbur and there's Tubbo and Ranboo is-" Tommy cut himself off there, unable to continue.
They were friends too.
They had been friends.
"Everything got really hard when it used to be so simple," Tommy said. He pulled the cape around his shoulders even further. "And I don't know how to fix this anymore."
"You can't," Techno said.
He hadn't meant it as a bad thing but Tommy still looked at him as if Techno had physically punched him.
(The pit wasn't an arena. The ground was too rough with ravine stone and the walls lacked any rafters. There was no referee to call it quits and all Techno wanted was to find a place for his anger to go so it didn't burst inside him like those fireworks had. He hadn't cared. None of them had cared, or at least they had pretended they hadn't when others asked.
That was the last night Techno had felt safe among those who were supposed to be his friends)
"But-"
For somebody who put up a whole argument about not being listened to, Techno was doing a lot of interrupting today. He figured he had an excuse though. This was something Tommy really needed to hear. "Sometimes you can't fix things. You just have to learn from them and move forward."
Tommy grimaced and looked away. "What if I don't know how to do that either." There was snow stuck in his hair. He was going to get sick if this continued. Techno's instincts hummed.
He cleared his throat. "It's fine so long as somebody takes the first step right?"
And Techno could not keep the moral high ground if he refused to listen to his own advice. That would just be cringe, right?
E
E
Very cringe
E
Oh finally
Like before, Tommy's entire body practically froze up when Techno touched him. But instead of letting it stop him, Techno awkwardly pulled the younger boy closer. As far as hugs went, it was a bit skewed and a bit clumsy and Techno thought Tommy probably hated it. Techno definitely felt like he should.
(He didn't though. Not really.)
"What are you doing?" Tommy asked, voice half-smothered against his shoulder.
"I'm painting a fence. What does it look like I'm doing?"
"It looks like you're trying to hug me but you're, like, extremely bad at it." Except even as he said it, Tommy's arms came up to cling back and he buried his nose somewhere in the crook of Techno's neck though he had to stand on his tiptoes to do so. His skin was cold.
But between the two of them, it felt warm.
"Is this moving forward?" Tommy asked.
(Tell Tommy I hope that he finds what he's looking for, Techno had written in neat cursive. Back when he didn't think he was headed off for certain doom but he had to consider the words he'd want to leave as his last if he did. Part of him was always mournful that those they were meant for never got to hear them.
Maybe he'd just have to learn to speak them out loud.)
"Nah, we're pretty much standing completely still." Tommy laughed. Techno could feel it against his chest. Then the kid kicked him, just to be petty about it but he didn't mind that either. "It can be," he added. "If you want it to be. And if you don't eat all my gapples again, because we're going straight back to being mortal enemies again if you do."
"You're such an asshole," Tommy said again. Like he had a dozen times before. But the words were slightly undercut by him only hugging Techno tighter. As if now that he'd finally allowed the embrace, leaving it again would be impossible. "I'd like that. I'd like it to be moving forward."
Tommy sighed into his chest. Then he shivered again. "Especially if it means I can crash at your place because I'm fucking freezing out here."
Lmao cringe child can't stand the cold
Weak
Shoat
E
Technosoft
"I guess I'll allow it." When he placed his hand on Tommy's shoulder, it almost but not quite felt like it belonged there. He knew that in due time, it would. "You can come home, Theseus."
And it didn't quite sound like the old, simple times again either. But maybe it was something close enough so they could work towards it.