It doesn't happen often. But every now and then she gets inexplicably sad. Every now and then she's just tired of it all. Murder, killers, death, bones, grieving loved ones… sometimes it's all too much. Everytime she thinks she's seen and heard it all, a new case comes and it's more depressing than the one before.
Like their last case. Two sisters, 13 and 15 years old, found buried beside a graveyard. Turns out the father slowly poisoned them. The mother of the girl died 10 years ago of cancer, the father found out two months ago he has terminal cancer. The thought of his girls being without their parents was too much for the father bear so he killed them. Buried them beside the graveyard where their mother was buried. The father will spend the last few weeks of his life in prison. He will probably be dead before the trial can even begin. Case closed.
It's cases like these that get to her. People can say what they want but Temperance Brennan isn't some ice cold, heartless scientist. She cares about the victims she identifies, about their stories. She thinks that every set of human remains deserves the truth of how they died. They deserve to be heard.
Booth said it to her not too long ago. 'I think your heart muscle is a lot bigger than what people give you credit for'. But that big heart muscle is exactly why she's sitting in her office late at night, tears running down her cheeks silently as she puts the last of the paperwork in the casefile. She closes the file and puts it on her desk, afterwards she hides her face in her hands and cries a little less silently.
'Bones! Hey, Bones!', Booth's voice echoes through the lab. Brennan immediately starts to wipe her tears from her cheeks and eyes. 'Come on, you can't keep doing this to yourself, Bones. How many times do I have to tell…', Booth stops talking as he gets to her office door as soon as his eyes land on his partner. Her back is turned towards him but her entire body is radiating sadness and defeat. Her hunched shoulders, her head hanging low and her hands hurriedly wiping away what he assumes are tears.
'Bones?' he asks gently as he enters her office and walks towards her slowly. When he gets to her desk he kneels beside her and slowly turns her desk chair around. To his surprise she doesn't fight him. 'Hey, what's wrong, Bones?' he asks in a whisper. The site of her red, teary eyes pull at his heart strings. It always does.
'I'll be fine, Booth', she answers softly. He sighs and takes her hand in his.
'Come on', he stands up and pulls her to her feet before leading her to the couch in her office. 'You want to tell me what's got you so worked up?' Booth sits closer to her and puts his hand on her back.
'It's completely irrational and stupid', she sniffs. This is another thing that hurts his insides. It kills him to see her battling with her emotions.
'Look at me', he lifts her chin gently so she looks at him, 'Bones, if something hurts you so bad it makes you this sad, it's not stupid. It makes you human, okay?' He sees her debating with herself before she sighs and looks at her hands in her lap again.
'Sometimes I'm so tired of it all', she glances at him, looking for understanding, 'sometimes I get so tired of dealing with murder and death and sadness… Usually I can compartmentilise…'
'But sometimes it becomes too much', he finishes for her, looking at her with understanding in his eyes. She looks at him and nods, tears once again cascading down her cheeks.
'Cases like our last one don't give me any satisfaction. It only makes me sad and makes me feel lonely'.
'Lonely?' he asks. She locks eyes with him again.
'I know I usually pride myself for my independence but I long for companionship just as much as anyone else. If I feel sad, there's no one to come home to. No one to hold me and just listen to me without wanting to make it better. And although nothing can excuse killing someone…', her voice breaks while she talks, 'he loved them so much, he didn't want to leave them alone in this cruel world. I…', she cries softly, too scared to finish her sentence.
'You can tell me, Bones, anything', he wraps one arm around her shoulder and pulls her closer. He has a feeling what she wants to say. She shakes her head in shame and covers her eyes with her hand. Booth decides it's best to give her the comfort she needs right now and not to push her too hard. Even though it physically hurts to see and hear her cry, he feels privileged that she trusts him enough to let him hold and comfort her.
'It's okay to want to be loved, Bones', he whispers after a few minutes, 'it's completely rational to long for someone to hold you'. His words cause her to release the sobs she so desperately wanted to hold back. She turns a little and hides her face against his neck, he wraps both his arms around her and holds her securely to his chest. 'Shh, I got you. It's okay, Bones. I promise'.
'Look at me', Booth softly urges her to lift her head and holds her cheeks in his hands, 'I will always, always hold you if you want me to. I'll always listen to you when you get sad. You're not alone anymore, Bones. No matter what, you'll have me. 'Always, okay?' After a moment she nods and moves in for him to hold her again.
'Thank you, Booth', she whispers in his ear. One day, he thinks to himself, one day she'll understand the true meaning of what I'm trying to tell her. One day, I'll find the courage to tell her I love her.