"Mooooommmm! It's thundering outside!" Subaru shivered, not due to cold, but to fear, fear of the simple noises of thunder. What more could you expect from a three year old child who just barely started developing his own self-consciousness?
"Our little star Subaru is scared of the lightning and thunder? Alright alright, come on over here," Naoko chuckled as she opened her arms, and the black raven-haired child jumped right into her arms, tightly clutching onto her as if he would die if he didn't do so.
"N-no…I am not sc-scared of thunder a-at all!"
As the lightning painted the sky and thunder filled the air, tears trickled down Subaru's cheeks, petrified by the noises and flashes, his body felt numb, his grip loosened slowly no matter how hard he tried maintaining it.
"Are you scared, Subaru?" Naoko asked once again, as she soothed his hair with her hand, feeling the slight tremble Subaru gave as tears continued trickling down his cheeks.
"I-I'm n-not…" Subaru spoke weakly.
"Alright now Subaru, I know you are trying your hardest to be like your dad, but sometimes it's a good thing to learn to rely on others," Naoko said gently.
"I…I…"
"Don't keep your emotions dwelling in your own heart, let them out. If you are happy then let yourself be happy; If you are sad then let yourself be sad; If you are angry then let yourself be angry; if you are excited then let yourself be excited." Naoko gave a warm smile, "Be yourself."
"I…I'm scared of the rain…" Subaru admitted. Even though he continued to tremble as he heard the thunder roaring, lightning slicing through the dark sky, he felt as if something was lifted off of him.
Naoko's gentle hand continued to soothe his hair, she was acting like a protective barrier against the hostile thunder, trying to scare the still growing child that was Subaru.
"I'm here, I will always be here, nobody should fight alone." Naoko spoke softly, as she let Subaru lie on her shoulder.
Subaru felt warmth, all the noises were gone from his brain, whether it was the thunder, the raindrops, the blades, the chains, the wolves, the whales, the hands, the rabbits, all he could hear was—
"Twinkle twinkle little star~
How I wonder what you are—"
"Up above the world so high~
Like a diamond in the sky~"
"You sing really well Rem!" Subaru clapped his hands, "I'm sure you would gain a lot of fans if you start your own album!"
"Eh-Ehhh?" Rem's face turned bright red as she dropped the broom she was brushing the floor with, "Ah—Subaru-kun please ignore whatever you just heard! I—I was spacing out!" Rem yelped as she buried her face in her hands.
"But your singing is really good Rem!" Subaru said as he walked over and patted her head, causing her to lift her head to look at him. Rem was still flustered and embarrassed.
"Re…really?" Rem asked.
"It does remind me of mom when she sings me to sleep…" Subaru recounted his memories as tears suddenly dwelled in his eyes.
"Subaru-kun? Is something the matter?" Rem asked, immediately grabbing a handkerchief to wipe off the tears threatening to spill from Subaru's eyes.
"It's just…I…"
"If you are sad then let yourself be sad"
"I…"
"Be yourself"
"I just remember something my mom told me…" Subaru choked on his words, he coughed a few times as his body trembled. Rem didn't speak a word as she helped Subaru to sit down on the bed in the room, quietly waiting for him to speak.
"I…I am just reminded of my parents…" Subaru said, it was almost like a whisper, "I just…I'm a terrible son…I wonder how they are right now…I just left them behind like that, and I probably won't be able to see them ever again. I'm useless, a terrible son, a terrible human being. I just can't do anything right can i?"
"Subaru-kun that's not—"
"It is true, I can't swing a sword like Wilhelm, I can't wield magic like Emilia, I can't clean the mansion as well as Rem, I can't cook as well as Fredrica, I can't act mature like Otto, I am not as strong-willed as Garfiel. I can't really do anything at all. All I can do is rely on my authorities, there is not a single redeeming quality about me. Maybe that is why I'm lonely. Because I'm nothing but a terrible person."
"Subaru-kun." Rem spoke with a deadpan face.
"Yes Rem?"
"Headbutt!" Rem squeaked as she slammed her forehead against Subaru's, causing him to jump back.
"Ow ow ow owowowowo!" Subaru clutched his forehead, "Rem! Why would you do that!"
"Subaru-kun you idiot! You have to stop comparing yourself with others! Whatever you do it's not about doing better than others, it's about doing better than yourself." Rem said as she grabbed both of Subaru's shoulders, forcing him to look at her.
"Rem has always compared herself with nee-sama, and you told me that was stupid of me to do so!" Rem spoke with compassion, "Subaru-kun is Rem's hero, remember?"
"But you said I'm not a hero…"
"Rem has said a lot of things, but she has always considered you to be her hero. Not even the witch cultists can change or alter it. Memories of Rem might be erased from everyone, but what happened is what happened, Rem might be replaced by another Rem, but this Rem will forever remain in your heart."
"It was my fault I couldn't save you!"
"You have already saved me once before, Rem's world is now filled with colors thanks to you Subaru-kun, you have done a lot more than you could ever imagine. Although you might think otherwise, this is how Rem wholeheartedly feels."
"I'm sor—" Subaru bit back his words, and instead decided something would be better, "Thank you Rem, thank you for being there when I needed you. I couldn't save you, so let me thank you."
"Let Rem thank Subaru for being her hero as well," Rem said softly, gesturing Subaru to lie on her lap. Wiping his tears away, Subaru rested his head on her lap as she soothed his hair with her delicate hands.
"Twinkle twinkle little star~
How I wonder what you are—"
"Up above the world soooo highhh….
Likeeee a diamond in the skyy…."
Subaru woke up, feeling that his head was resting somewhere soft. Opening his eyes he could see the familiar silver hair that he loved.
"Emilia-tan, you sing like an angel…" words escaped out of Subaru's mouth subconsciously, causing him to feel instant regret.
"You are awake Subaru…" Emilia ignored Subaru's remarks, as she ruffled Subaru's black raven-hair.
"Emilia-tan… why am I on your lap?" Subaru questioned, they were outside, on a grass field, with the endless sea of stars acting as their blanket. Even the moon was absent tonight as constellations filled the sky. Stars shined bright like diamonds.
"Subaruuuu, you are fatigued all the time…it would be niceeee if you told me some of your concerns so I can help you with them," Emilia muttered, Subaru listened to her angelic voice as the wind acted as music, the rustling of the grass was the choir accompanied by the music.
"I can't possibly concern you Emilia-tan, especially when you have the Royal Selection still ongoing," Subaru argued, while secretly enjoying every moment of this as he looked at the stars.
"I'm very, very worried about you Subaru…" Emilia said as she poked his face.
"I'm not—"
"You have to stop comparing yourself with others!"
"I…Emilia… I'm scared of being alone, if I don't try harder, eventually people will lose interest in me and I will be all alone, lonely."
"Subaru you dunderhead…" Emilia sighed, "You burden yourself too much, trying to take everything in consideration but you never take care of yourself."
"I—" Subaru was cut off as Emilia placed a finger against his lips.
"Your happiness is my joy, but you don't have to wear a mask all the time either, you don't need to live up to anyone's expectations. Happy, sad and all sorts of emotions are okay to have, but don't try to bear burdens alone, nor should you burn yourself and give yourself zero rest for the sake of others." Emilia spoke gently, "Be yourself."
The duo silently stayed in the grassfield, watching constellations and shooting stars flying across the night sky.
Then they both started humming,
"Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are…"
Writer's Notes
For a friend of mine, I suppose.
(Any of you looking for Reality is Pain I'm working on it, just busy with school and stuff that's all hopefully I'll get it out soon)