Actors vs Outlaws
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Kate heard the distinctive clearing of the voice and knew without taking her eyes from her computer screen, that her two favorite former outlaws were standing directly behind her. She uttered a weary sigh and rolled her eyes before swiveling her chair around to offer them both a half-hearted greeting. But her attitude and expression changed the moment she saw just how ragged and befuddled they both appeared.
"What happened now? Has Rachel been writing a story about the two of you again?" she asked with great concern.
Heyes cast a weary smile. "Leave it to you to put things back into perspective," he said. "No, nothing that grueling. We've just spent four days outrunning a posse., that's all."
"When we finally lost them, we decided to hide out in the mountains for a few days," Kid added as he removed his hat and slapped it against his thigh, sending a puff of dust into the air.
"Where you likely shared a reflective memory of your sad childhoods while fishing in the quiet solitude of a secluded pond?" Kate asked.
Confusion filled their eyes. "Where do you come up with this stuff?" Heyes asked. "We're men, and outlaws at that. We don't reflect on anything."
Kate's eyes glanced sideways at her computer screen, and she quickly hit the save button, then closed the page. "Of course not. What was I thinking?" she asked and lowered the lid of her laptop. "So, why are you here now?"
"Well, when we finally decided it was safe to head back to town, we started noticing something… strange," Heyes told her.
"What town did you go to?" Kate asked, thinking perhaps their concern involved a new sheriff.
"Does it matter?" Kid barked. "The name's change but the town's all look exactly the same. We could be blindfolded and know exactly where every building is."
This little snippet of information brought a hint of light to Kate's understanding. "Oh, this has something to do with the alter egos, doesn't it?"
"They ain't normal," Kid replied with obvious ire.
Kate saw Heyes' hand move to offer a gentle warning of constraint to his partner's arm. "What the Kid means is that they… well, they don't act like… like normal folks act."
"Are you referring to their profession, or to their cultural or generational mores?" Kate asked while hoping this was not going in a direction she knew would be impossible to explain.
"Kate, if you ain't gonna take this seriously…" Kid warned, but again Heyes acted quickly to keep Kid from fanning the flames of his anger.
"Maybe it would be best if we started from the beginning," Heyes said, more to his partner than to the woman trying to force alien philosophical concepts down their throats.
"Perhaps that would shed some light on the subject," Kate replied, giving Heyes an open-handed gesture to proceed.
"Well, Kingsburg was the nearest town and Kid and me have been there a few times so we know it's a pretty safe place to go. We figured we'd spend a couple of days there and get some well-deserved rest, some hot meals, maybe a little poker…."
"A hot bath," Kid added.
Heyes nodded his head. "Just the simple basics of life."
"That all sounds reasonable," Kate told them.
"But when we got there, it was… different."
Heyes stopped to think how best to explain what he meant by different, but Kid took the pause as his cue to explode into a tirade of complaints and accusations.
"I ain't never seen so many people in all my life! And there was ten-foot-long railroad tracks on the street outside the hotel and the saloon. They both had them little handcars on em with some sort of equipment mounted on em, and a man in pants cut up to his thighs sitting behind that equipment! There was a lady on the street, and her pants were even shorter than the man's, and she was holding this little black and while slate board, and over by the jail were six or seven strange lookin' chairs that were as tall as barstools. On the back of them chairs, in big bold letters was the words 'Star' and "Director' and "Stripgirl!"
That was Scriptgirl, Kid," Heyes corrected.
"Stripgirl, Scriptgirl," what's the difference!" Kid shouted before continuing his rant. "There was these big poles with gaslights on the top, only they wasn't gaslights. They had long cords that ran clear across the street and into a building. But it wasn't a building at all! It was just the front wall of a building, with nothing behind it! And at the far end of town were half a dozen huge tin tubes with doors and window, and people were walkin' in and out of em. Them people included them two alter-egos!"
Kate sat open-mouthed, all the while listening to the Kid's rantings. When he finally stopped to take a breath, the silence was deafening and lasted for nearly a full minute.
"We figured you could likely explain all that," Heyes said calmly and quietly.
Kate slowly closed her mouth and blinked several times. When she did speak, it was with forced composure as her impulse was to burst into hysterical laughter.
"In the past two years, neither of you have ever actually seen the set?"
"The what?" they asked in unison.
"You realize the alter-egos are actors, right?" she asked.
"What has one got to do with the other?" Kid demanded.
Kate again paused before speaking as she quickly changed her approach.
"Have either of you ever seen a theater play?"
Both men shook their heads.
"Then how about a saloon stage?"
"You mean for a chanteuse?"
"Exactly! Sometimes on that stage are things they call props. Props are anything from a lamp on a table to… well, whatever the chanteuse needs to set the stage, so to speak."
"Keep going," Heyes said, hoping Kid was listening to Kate's explanation.
"And sometimes there might be… decorations behind her, like a huge painting of a house or a field, or whatever she uses to create the atmosphere that she wants."
"Like Alice Banion's birdcage?" Kid asked.
"Yes!" Kate exclaimed. "When the two of you rode into Kingsburg, it wasn't really Kingsburg. It was the stage set to resemble Kingsburg, and that stage is where the two alter-egos actually act. Those tin tubes you mentioned are their dressing rooms. "
"They act?" the two former outlaws asked.
"It's where they pretend they are the two of you."
Kid and Heyes locked eyes while trying to piece everything together."
"I thought you said me and Heyes were the pretend ones," Kid said. "You're always telling us that we're the fictional ones. Now you're telling us that them two alter-egos are just pretend?"
"No, they're real, Kid. They are just pretending to be fictional."
Kid gave his head a sharp and quick shake. "This makes no sense."
"Boys, have either of you ever actually seen the television show that the alter-egos star in?" Kate asked.
"No," Heyes replied.
"And I ain't sure we want to," Kid added.
"Well, all that equipment, like the cargo car and the gas lights, and the cameras…."
"Cameras?" Heyes asked. "Like the one that took that picture of us and Clementine?"
Kate hesitated. "Sort of, but these are moving pictures. The cameras take long pictures that capture people actually walking or riding horses or, whatever kind of movement you can imagine."
"Wait just a darn minute!" Kid exclaimed. "Are you telling us that there are moving pictures of me and Heyes out there somewhere?"
"No, well yes… but in the future. They are not a threat to either of you."
"So by in the future, you mean in your time, not ours?" Heyes asked.
"Exactly," Kate replied with a rapid nod of her head.
Heyes tilted his head and scratched the underside of his chin while again locking eyes with his partner for a silent conversation.
"We've decided, and we want to see em," Heyes told Kate.
Kate turned back to her desk and opened her laptop. She pushed a couple of buttons and typed in a few words, then scrolled her mouse down the list of YouTube offerings. Choosing one, she clicked the right side of her mouse and an unidentified voice began reciting a narration very familiar to Kate.
Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry were two of the most notorious outlaws in all the West. But of all the trains and banks they robbed…."
Two heads leaned over Kate's shoulders as they stared in awe at the images streaming across the screen.
"Kid, I know that ain't you, but he looks the spittin' image of you," Heyes whispered.
"I was just about to say the same of you," Kid replied.
"Them are the two alter-egos?" Heyes asked.
"Yes, they are," Kate replied.
"They don't look like that in real life," Heyes said.
"Maybe that's because when we see them, they ain't wearing our clothes," Kid suggested.
Kate grinned. "You've never seen them in costume?" she asked.
"We ain't ever seen em wearing our clothes, if that's what you mean," Kid replied. "My alter-ego is usually dressed in them pants that only reach his thighs, and half the time he ain't even wearing a shirt."
"What about that crochet sleeveless thing that I swear his mother must have made for him," Heyes said with a chuckle.
Kid laughed. "That is pretty sissy looking, ain't it?"
"It's a perfectly nice tank top and very appropriate for the 1970s," Kate said defensively.
"Sorry Kate, I didn't realize you had a crush on him," Kid teased.
"I don't have a crush on him. I have a crush on y…. Oh, never mind," Kate snarled.
Kate felt Kid's hand come to rest on her shoulder. "It's alright Kate, you ain't alone in that crush," he said rather condescendingly.
"Hey, look at that Kid! That alter-ego can draw his gun almost as fast as you!" Heyes exclaimed.
"Nobody draws as fast as me," Kid said in a huff. "But your fella sure has got your grandiose visions of genius down pat."
"Alright, that's enough out of both of you," Kate said and exited out of the screen and again turned off her computer. "Now do you understand what I've been trying to explain?"
"Sort of," Heyes replied as he and Kid straightened their backs.
"It'll come to us eventually," Kid added.
"Just one thing," Heyes said. "Don't them two fellas have real jobs? I mean, where do they get the money for all that equipment and elaborate sets. They must be rich if they can spend their lives just pretending to be us."
Again Kate's eyes closed and she sighed heavily. "That is their job," she told them.
"They get paid? For pretending?" Kid asked.
"Oh, not just pretending, Kid. They get paid for pretending to be the two most notorious outlaws in all the west. I mean, think about it. That's quite an honor for pretending to be the two of you," she said, laying on the accolades as thickly as she could.
Kid looked at Heyes and grinned. "She does have a valid point, Heyes."
"So, one more question," Heyes said. "If that wasn't really Kingsburg that we rode into, what happened to the real Kingsburg?"
Heyes had Kate stumped. "It's a…. It's a few miles west. That posse that was chasing you must have rattled you more than you realized. Maybe you missed the road sign," she said, desperately trying to sound convincing.
Heyes gave her a skeptical glance. "Yeah," he said with a breathy sigh. "You're right. You're probably right."
"So Kid, do you feel better now?" Kate asked. "Is all the built up anger done?"
"I know you want to hear me say yes," Kid told her. "But Heyes and me have spent a lot of years trying to avoid work that's hard on the back, and now you're telling me that in them alter-ego's life time, they actually get paid just for pretending to be other people. How much do they get paid?"
"Well, you have to take in the fact of inflation…."
"How much?"
"And their jobs are always temporary, so they have to go to auditions and compete with other actors…"
"How much?" Kid said, his voice growing more and more threatening.
"And some actors spend their whole lives just doing bit parts or guest roles…."
"How much?"
"And movie actors get paid a lot more than television actors…."
"How much!"
"Kid, it's obvious she has no idea," Heyes said with a quick wink in Kate's direction. "Now, unless you plan to call her out into the street over this, just let it go."
Kid sighed but continued to give her his most intimidating outlaw glare.
"Alright, I'll let it go, for now. But you just remember Kate, this ain't over."
Kate nodded, knowing that with just a quick short story she could erase the entire idea from the Kid's memory. But for now, she just nodded and let him continue to believe he had the upper hand.
"Come on Kid, let's go. It's getting late," Heyes said with a nudge to Kid's shoulder. "Kate, we appreciate all the help you've been to us, and hopefully the next time we're here, the problem won't be so complicated," Heyes said and adjusted his hat on his head.
Kate sat and watched them both slowly fade into oblivion.
"Till next time, fellas," she said with a contented smile.