Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Chapter 48: Letting Go

Flashback

He knew instantly something was wrong before he was even halfway across the door. He slipped out of his shoes and pushed them to the side. He could hear her sniffles and angry grunts of frustration from the living room. He moved with rapid steps towards her.

He found her on the floor looking blankly at nothing. There were four pieces of crumpled-up tissue in front of her, the box was in arm's reach. Tears were dripping from her eyes. She looked so defeated. She looked at him with a heartbroken expression. It made his own heart ache in response.

"This is impossible." She looked on the verge of pulling her hair out at the roots. "I can't do this anymore." The devastation of saying those words was clear as day on her features.

"Can't do what anymore?" He asked her calmly as he came to sit down next to her.

"The wedding!" Sakura threw up her hands. "I can't figure out the seating chart. The Nagoyas can't sit next to the Masamotos who won't be caught dead next to the Nakamotos. The Kazekage of Suna can't be next to the Daimyo because one needs their seat to be higher or some bullshit. The whole thing is an international incident waiting to happen. I can't decide between the two types of nearly identical napkins. They are both beige but if I choose the wrong shade beige I can kiss our shot at a happy married life goodbye."

She looked at him solemnly. Her shoulders moved slightly as she hiccuped. "And don't get me started on the flowers. It's too much. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has demands. I don't even care anymore. I can't stop thinking about how neither of our parents will be there. Our friends could not care less what we feed them or where we sit them. So who are we doing this for anyway?" She let out an exasperated sigh.

"I know I'm smart. I know I'm practical. I know that theoretically, I should be able to do this. I mastered medical ninjutsu. I survived Tsunade-sama. Not this one, the older, meaner, crankier version. This should be nothing. But I'm done. This is kicking my ass." She ended with a couple of sniffles.

"Why are we even doing this?" She asked into the air rhetorically with growing anger. "We're shinobi, we both have enemies. We might as well roll out a welcome mat for everyone who hates us to come to kill us and everyone we care about by doing this." She shook her head in disbelief. She was grasping at straws and she knew that but she was so tired of being miserable. She looked at his impassive face expectably. "Can you please just say something?" She begged.

He blinked and licked his bottom lip. He pinned her with his blue eyes. "Do you still want to get married?" He asked her levelly.

She blinked owlishly at him. "What?" She asked in disbelief. She blew her nose into a tissue.

"Do you still want to marry me?" He asked her again.

"Of course I do." She stared at him as if he had three heads. "Do you still want to marry me?" She asked him on the verge of another breakdown. The thought had not occurred to her that maybe he had changed his mind. It was as if she was under the impression that that was not allowed.

"More than anything," He said firmly. "So let's just do it."

"Do what?" She dabbed her eyes. They were so red but at least she was no longer actively crying.

"Get married." He answered.

She furrowed her brow. "Were you not listening to a word I said?" She asked him in a crushed tone.

"I heard every word." He assured her. "You've convinced me that having a wedding is a mistake. It's just not worth it. It's not worth this," he said gently as he brushed the dampness from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. She hiccuped. "I don't care about it. I just want to be married to you so we can get on with our lives."

"I don't want a wedding anymore either." She said glumly. "We should have just gotten married before you became Hokage before anyone cared."

He smirked. "Well, I recall that you were adamant about pushing me away then."

She threw the tissue box at him. "Are you seriously kicking me when I'm down?"

He put the box on the ground. "Let's get married. Right now." He looked at her.

Her jaw all but fell to the floor. "We can't do that!"

"Why not?" He asked her.

"Because… because," she searched for a reason. "You're the Hokage," she said incredulously.

"Exactly. Who's going to tell me what to do other than my wife?" He could not help but grin. He liked the way the word felt when it left his lips. "And maybe Shikaku," he added for accuracy.

She bit the inside of her lip. "I don't know. They'll give you grief." She looked less and less convinced of her stance.

"Better than you bearing the brunt of it." He tilted her chin up. Her face was still puffy from crying. "Let's get married," he said gently.

"Okay," she looked at him. "But only if this is what you really want." She looked at the charts and diagrams that were tapped to the walls. It was madness. It looked like a suspect board in the Intelligence Department.

"Let's go." He stood up. He held out his hand.

"What?" Sakura looked at him. "You mean right now, right now?"

"Yes, Sakura. I mean right now." He said patiently. "The office is open for another hour." He was not worried, he could get them to stay open later if he asked nicely.

She looked at the oversized T-shirt she was wearing. "I have nothing to wear." She exclaimed as a new wave of panic hit her.

"Wear anything, wear that. I don't care. I just want to be married already." He helped her to her feet.

"Give me 45 minutes." She said as she pulled back her hair and scratched her head. "Forty-five minutes, you won't regret it." Her eyes were clear and alert as she looked at him.

"Okay." He let go of her hand after he kissed her knuckles. It would give him time to shower and find something to put on.

She moved faster than he had ever seen her move. Her frantic energy was starting to rub off on him. He could not believe it was finally happening. He could not believe she agreed to it. He had underestimated just how much she hated the planning. He looked at the wall with the lists and vendors. He was so looking forward to having this nightmare over with.

She ran her wet hands through her hair. The sound of the shower turning on came from behind her. She looked over her shoulder.

"I'll set out your clothes for you."

"Thank you." He called out through closed eyes as he lathered his hair with shampoo.

She rummaged through the closet. She pulled out black slacks and a dark gray silky button-down. Thankfully they were both already ironed and wrinkle-free. Minato did not have many clothes that were considered nicer. It would be easier to convince Iwa to sign over land to Konoha than get Minato to agree to go shopping.

She sighed. She could not focus on his faults. Not today of all days. She reached into her closet. Something in the back caught her eye. She stretched her arm. She grabbed the dress from the hanger. She turned it over in her hands. She took a couple of steps toward the mirror. She held the dress out. She could not help but smile. It would have to do. It was good enough.

She opened the dresser and found the outfit she was saving for a special occasion, it was a show stopper. She figured it did not get much more special than this. She walked to the other room, the office, to change. She could not risk Minato catching a sneak peek.

He was in the process of the laborious task of buttoning the buttons of his shirt. He hated buttons but Sakura liked them. So he put up with it for her. He looked at himself in the mirror. He did not look half bad if he was being honest with himself. He adjusted his belt. He might even go as far as to say that he was put together.

"Close your eyes." She commanded.

He rolled his eyes before he closed them. "They are closed." He told her. He even brought his hands up to cover them for good measure.

"Okay, if you're done getting ready go wait for me in the living room. I still need a few minutes." He could hear her voice coming from the bathroom.

"Forty-five minutes, Sakura." He reminded her.

"I know, I know." She said quickly.

Minato sighed. He kept his eyes closed until he reached three steps outside the bedroom. He walked over to sit at the edge of the loveseat. An addition was made by Sakura. The rug was also her contribution, along with the small plant with holey leaves and the wall art. Her touch was seemingly everywhere in the space. There was no place he could not look that did not remind him of her.

He stared at the clock. The second hand ticked loudly reminding him that they were running behind. His leg moved restlessly. He walked to the storage closet that was by the door. He found his dress shoes. They were right where he left them. They did not need to be polished. He looked at the clock on the oven. The blue neon number taunted him. He had to wait. What else could he do? Show up at the courthouse without her?

"Okay, I'm ready." She called out.

Minato turned to look at her. His breath got caught in his throat. He watched as she stood there looking at him shyly. She was right. He did not regret it. Not one bit. She was a vision in soft pink, almost white. The off-the-shoulder dress fell to her knees. It made him go weak in the knees. Her hair was swept to the side. Half of it was braided back. She took his breath and sanity away. She was wearing a pair of white strappy heels. She was perfect in every essence of the word.

"You look…wow." He managed smoothly. His mouth hung slightly ajar.

The natural pink of her cheeks deepened the blush that was applied. She bit her lip.

"Thank you," she said, unable to fight the smile on her face. "You look wow too."

He cleared his throat. "Let's go get married."

She glided over to him. Her fingers interlaced with his. "Let's go get married." She said with barely concealed excitement as she leaned against him.

"Wait!" She looked at him in a panic.

His stomach sank. "What?"

"What should I call you?" Her jade eyes searched his face.

"What?" He blinked in confusion.

"What should I call you? After we get married." She repeated and clarified.

He looked at the clock. They did not have time for this. "Whatever is fine." He walked to the door.

"Minato," she remained rooted in place. He looked at her. "Porky doesn't seem right anymore." She looked torn.

"Sakura," he rested his hands on her shoulders. Her skin was warm under his palms. "I'm okay with whatever you want to call me. I'm not picky. Porky, Porcupine, Dummy, Baka, Minato, anything at all. As long as it feels right to you."

Her heart melted. "Darling," she said with a small smile. "How's that sound?" She tilted her head to the side.

"Perfect," his expression softened. "It's perfect."

She grinned. She wove their fingers together once more. "Let's go get married."

"Let's," he matched her smile. He could not take his eyes off of her, his heart would not let him.

End of Flashback

It took nearly everything she was capable of not to turn on her heel and simply walk out of the hospital at the mere sight of his face. She could vividly picture herself doing so as well. Instead, she looked at his person leaning against the doorframe with the blankest expression she could manage.

"Did your Sharingan not teach you how to remove perfect stitches?" She asked him with as much expressiveness as a corpse.

He grinned at her. "After today it will. I must say, I'm glad to know I left an impression."

Sakura rolled her eyes. She never did learn her lesson. She should have just ignored him. Shun followed her to the exam room. He looked like he was right at home. It irked her immensely.

She waited impatiently as he peeled off his vest and shirt before he sat down on the exam table. Sakura grabbed gloves from the box and snapped them on. She ignored his eyes as she prodded the skin. It was slightly red but the sutures had held up nicely. It was some of her best work objectively speaking considering how much she detested the brain attached to the skin she had mended.

"Are you alright, Haruno-san?" He asked her in a voice that was dangerously close to being concerned.

"I'm fine," she said before she could stop herself. She grabbed a packet containing scissors from the cabinet, along with a plastic tray to catch the thread and tweezers that too came in a sanitized package. She ripped it open with more force than necessary. Sakura ignored the way her feet protested as she stood in front of him.

"I can move closer if you'll be more comfortable," he said in a tone that she did not trust in the slightest. "Or I could kneel while you sit," he offered like the gentleman she knew he was not.

"You're fine where you are," she said churlishly. She grabbed the tweezers in her left hand and began to cut the stitches that were across his chest with her right.

She was a professional. She ignored the way her skin pricked under his scrutiny.

"You don't have to worry, Haruno-san." Shun's voice was even and smooth.

Sakura furrowed her brow but she did not look up at him. She could only stand for a couple of minutes at a time and she really did not want to prolong this more than strictly necessary. But even she would be lying if she said she was not curious as to what he meant.

Shun had registered the change in her expression even as her hands had not faltered.

"Nothing will happen to you," his tone grew soft.

Sakura froze. Her jade eyes met his in shock. His dark eyes held something other than malicious intent.

Sakura cleared her throat. "What?" It was the best she could manage.

"You'll be safe," he assured her.

"From what?" She looked at him incredulously.

Her throat went dry as his dark eyes held something that she could not name. Unease spread through her as she searched his face for a clue as to what he was doing or what he hoped to gain from any of this.

He leaned back and grinned at her.

"It's my job, Haruno-san and I take it very seriously." There was something unreadable in his eyes. "You don't have to worry about anything."

Sakura forced her eyes from his face and turned her attention back to removing his stitches. She had to lean forward to finish now. She was painfully aware of just how much her back hurt but she kept her expression neutral. She would be damned if she showed weakness in front of a man like Uchiha Shunsuke.

"You're all set," she looked at him as she pulled out the last of the surgical thread.

He looked down as he traced his fingers along where the stitches were.

"No scar," he said with admiration coloring his tone. "This is why you're the best," he smirked at her, looking very pleased with himself.

Her stomach turned. She said nothing as she walked out of the room leaving him alone. She did not have the emotional bandwidth to dissect whatever this was. She was already drowning in enough of her own bullshit to take on anything more.

Her footsteps felt incredibly heavy like she was moving through sand that was at least ankle-deep. The resistance posed by her body should have been enough to give her pause. She was making a horrible mistake. That had been her knee-jerk reaction and thought. But the longer she sat with it the more and more it started to look like it was the last terrible option she had. With this option, there was a chance for her to come out of it with her life and rank intact. It was leaps and bounds better than the alternatives.

She had to be true to herself. Sitting back and letting someone else potentially unroot her life was not who she was. She had to get out in front of this. She had to come clean. She had to tell the Hokage she knew the identity of the ANBU. Maybe he would be so grateful that she could come out of this with a slap on the wrist. After all, she had been lenient when handing out the punishment to his beloved wife. She had even been agreeable with him in the past few meetings they had. In her eyes, the scales would be balanced once more.

He would learn the truth. He would drive the ANBU out and her little transgression would remain a secret. This scenario benefited all of them. He was a reasonable man. He would see that. If he did not believe her, she could always try pinning Sakura's assassination attempts on the ANBU. The medic affected his ability to think clearly. It was high time that she used it to her advantage.

She ran into a familiar face in the hall just before the door.

"Utatane-sama," Shikaku greeted her. "Did we have something scheduled today?" He asked her in a light tone.

"No," she shook her head. "This is an informal visit with the Hokage. We have some…personal matters to discuss."

"I see," there was something unreliable in the man's dark eyes. He glanced at the door. "Hokage-sama is in a meeting right now," he said in his lazy drawl. "I can go see if they can table the rest?"

The door opened before she could answer. Koharu found herself face-to-face with an Uchiha. It was one of his students.

"Utatane-sama," he bowed. "Excuse me." He bounded down the stairs.

She frowned. She did not remember him being so respectful or so contained.

Shikaku held open the door. "Utatane-sama?" He called her name to get her attention.

"Yes," she slipped through it. It closed behind her. She found him staring out the windows. His back to her. She cleared her throat. It was an empty gesture really. There was no way that he did not know she was there.

"Utatane-sama," his smile was incredibly convincing. His eyes were very much cold when he looked at her. "I wasn't expecting you."

Her lips twitched. "You seem to be doing better." She noted dryly. It was a far cry from the clenched teeth and pinched expressions.

"I started taking vitamins." He said airily. He leaned his arm on the back of his chair.

"Seems like you're busy today." She scrutinized his person.

"Obito and I were just talking about an unresolved issue."

"Unresolved?" She was not sure if she was stalling for more time or if she was genuinely interested. Perhaps it was both. It was no secret he wanted the boy as his successor. The only way that would happen was if she were dead. He knew that.

Minato nodded. "The Man with a Thousand Faces," he said casually. "Have you heard of him?"

Her heart skipped a beat. She kept her face a stony visage. "He's a bounty hunter is he not?"

"Murder for hire, assassin is probably a better term," Minato said calmly even if his eyes were anything but. It was a controlled calm.

"You and your semantics." She scoffed, covering her growing unease.

"Verbiage is very important in communication. It ensures that there are no misunderstandings between the conversing parties."

She frowned. "My understanding is that he is dead."

"He is." Minato nodded his head once, slowly.

"Then what is unresolved about this matter?" Her eyes narrowed slightly.

"What is unresolved is who hired him." He ran his knuckle along his jaw.

"Yondaime," her eyes were practically slits now. "It would do you well to remember my advice about not being distracted."

"I can assure you, Utatane-sama, I am very much focused." He paused. "An assassination attempt on Konoha's head medic would be catastrophic for the village. Not only for morale but for the hospital and all the various programs the head medic essentially single-handedly oversees. Do you not have a list of all the work Haruno-san does for Konoha? In fact, doesn't she give you updates?"

Her blood cooled in her veins. Her brow furrowed as she stared at his calm facade. "Frame it however you'd like Yondaime but you are wasting resources on a wild goose chase." She held his gaze unwaveringly.

"Believe me," he sounded genuine for perhaps the first time in the interaction, "I would like nothing more for your statement to be correct. Both for the village's sake and my own. But until that can be confirmed, the matter must be looked into further."

She regarded him. "Where are we with finding the ANBU?"

His expression did not change in the slightest. "No updates since we spoke two days ago Utatane-sama."

"I see," she could not tell him now. Not when he was digging around. She needed more time. "Well, I best leave you to it." She turned around. She had taken two steps towards the door before his voice reached her ears.

"Utatane-sama?" He called her name in a conversational tone.

She turned to look at him over her shoulder.

"What did you want to talk about? Before we got distracted with other matters?" His navy eyes were focused on her.

"It's not important." She turned her head. She could feel her stomach twisting. "Keep us updated."

"I will," he crossed his arms. "Thank you again for being so understanding with the speed in which the investigation is going. It's been slow, to put it mildly."

She nodded her head. She left the room without another word. The Hokage's steely gaze was imprinted in her mind. She needed to rethink her approach. She now had three problems.

Sakura looked at the pillars of files piled neatly on her desk. Her green eyes locked onto Rin's.

Sakura could not help but frown. She rested her palm on one of the stacks. Her other hand supported the bottom of her still-growing bump. Rin had been unusually quiet.

"Are you okay, Rin-chan?" She asked the question even though she had a fairly good idea of the answer.

Rin shook her head. "I'm fine, Sakura-sensei." She curled her finger around a strand of hair, she moved it from her cheek.

Sakura's frown deepened. She now saw how annoying that was, people sure had been patient with her lies. Sakura sucked her teeth.

"Try that again," her tone made it clear she would not be understanding the second time around.

Rin sighed. She smoothed the hairs of an eyebrow.

"I don't want to bother you, sensei." Her brown eyes looked at Sakura from head to torso, the parts of her not obscured by the desk.

"I'm the one who asked, Rin." Sakura reminded her both gently and firmly. She leaned on her forearms.

"It's stupid," Rin muttered. "I'm happy for Shizune. It's something she always wanted. But I feel jealous of her too. I've been waiting for so long for the next step. I've been patient. More than patient. I want to move on with our lives. I'm tired of waiting." She sighed dejectedly. "I'm a bad friend."

Sakura's expression softened. Rin looked absolutely forlorn. She was conflicted with her feelings. Sakura sighed.

"You're not a bad friend, Rin-chan. You're also not a bad person. You're just human." Sakura smiled kindly at her.

Rin looked at her with a sad smile. "I feel so awful, sensei."

Something inside Sakura reacted to Rin's hurt. Sakura walked around her desk. She held the back of Rin's head. The brunette wrapped her arms around Sakura.

"Cut yourself some slack, Rin-chan." Sakura patted her back. "You can be happy for Shizune and still be sad and frustrated for yourself. You're allowed to be both. It's normal and perfectly okay."

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Rin-chan. Shizune has a different timeline than you. You'll get to where you need to be." Sakura added reassuringly.

"What would you do in my place?" Rin pulled back so that she could look Sakura in the eye. Her brown orbs implored Sakura.

Sakura searched for the words. "I can't tell you what to do." Rin's shoulders dipped in response. "But the advice I would give my twenty-something-year-old self is that if you really want something, take it. Don't wait around. Make it happen." She pictured telling herself that when she looked at Rin.

The younger medic thought about her mentor's words. She felt better. Rin hugged Sakura. The pinkette made a sound of surprise.

"Thank you, Sakura-shishou."

Sakura smiled. "You're welcome, Rin-chan." She patted her shoulder as they parted. The need to sit down was too great. Sakura walked back to her chair. She sat down heavily.

"I'm going to miss you, sensei," Rin said with a deep sigh.

"I'm having a baby, Rin-chan, not dying," Sakura said jokingly.

"It's going to be so weird not to see you every day," Rin admitted. She looked at the files. It was going to be a long three months.

"My door is always open," Sakura assured Rin.

Rin left her office with renewed determination.

Kakashi heard him coming from a mile away. He was essentially stomping with each step he took toward him. He could almost see the steam coming out from Obito's ears. He was worked up. Kakashi could not remember the last time he had been this angry. He held the brown paper bag containing a various assortment of snacks tighter in his arm.

"Oi, Bastard!" Obito pointed a finger in accusation at him. Kakashi merely blinked slowly in response. His lack of response seemed to elicit every angrier reaction out of Obito. "What the actual hell man?! How could you do that to me like that?"

"I don't follow," Kakashi deadpanned. "Use your words, Obito."

Obito sputtered in indignation. He was disgruntled. Spit was leaving his mouth at an alarming rate as he made a series of angry sounds.

"This is the opposite of what I asked," Kakashi said with a sigh. He looked at the position of the waning sun in the sky. The days were much shorter now than they were a few weeks ago. He was running late and Obito's short-circuiting was not helping matters.

"You said you would wait!" Obito ground out through gritted teeth. "I had this whole thing planned for Naruto's birthday and now it's all shot because you had to just show me up." He was red-faced and narrowed-eyed.

Kakashi furrowed his brow. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He said calmly and collectively.

Obito glared daggers at him. He curled and uncurled his fists rapidly. Kakashi moved the bag of food from his path.

"Liar!" He shouted in unbridled anger. "Rin-chan's been so distant since the not-baby-shower thing they had for sensei last week."

"So?" Kakashi asked slowly. He was failing to see the connection.

"So?!" Obito's eyes threatened to pop out of his skull. "Shizune must have told them you were planning on proposing."

"You're an idiot," Kakashi concluded. He held the bag against his hip. He held up a hand before Obitio entered another tirade. "Why would I tell Shizune I'm planning on proposing instead of just proposing?"

Obito paused. Kakashi had him there. His anger dialed back a notch. "I don't know why you do half the things you do. You're not a reasonable person!" Obito crossed his arms in a huff.

"Projecting much?" Kakashi said with a scoff. "Wait, you were planning to propose at Naruto's birthday picnic?" Kakashi looked at him with disbelief in his words.

"Yeah. Everyone we care about is going to be there. It makes sense!" Obito said defensively. The anger was transitioning into something else, something closer to doubt. He was starting to have second thoughts. The look in Kakashi's eyes was not helping.

Kakashi slapped his palm to his forehead.

"Do you really think Rin would want a public proposal?" Kakashi took a breath. "Did you really think hijacking a child's birthday celebration is the way to go?"

Obito threw up his hands in frustration. "By all means pick the plan apart especially considering how I asked you for help and you said no."

Kakahi shook his head. "It is a horrible idea. Scrap it. Start over."

Obito wilted like a newly planted plant in direct sunlight in the middle of July.

"Ah, man." Obito buried his face into his hands. "Rin is never going to say yes now."

"You could just ask her," Kakashi supplied helpfully.

Obito scowled. "No way. The stakes are too high, Kakashi. I can't mess this up."

"It's better you mess up than do nothing." Kakashi pointed out his - and frankly, Shizune's - stance on the whole thing. "Don't make her wait anymore."

Obito sighed deeply. "Wait," he blinked in confusion. "If you didn't propose then why is Rin being all weird?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Who knows what they talk about at those things." He watched as Obito nodded in agreement. "Did she give you any other hints?"

Obito's eyes rolled upwards as he thought. "Just something about how she was the only one there that wasn't making any progress and then she looked at me and started to cry. Then she looked like she wanted to kill me." He frowned at the memory.

"It was pretty scary, how quickly her mood swung from one extreme to the other. It actually reminded me of Sakura-sensei. Especially with how she has been lately. By the way, are you going to their house for dinner tonight or is it my turn? I was kind of hoping that I could go. Rin-chan is really not happy with me and I did not have a chance to go grocery shopping before my mission today and I don't think the food in my fridge is safe to eat anymore -"

"Obito," Kakashi said curtly, cutting him off midthought. The Uchiha blinked at him in confusion. "I need to go."

"What?" Obito's face fell as Kakashi vanished in a puff of smoke. "Bastard," he scoffed.

He reappeared in the hospital. He ignored the dark looks he was getting. Usually, it was frowned upon to teleport within the hospital walls; something about it being a liability. He made an exception today. His heart was beating in his chest as he focused on her chakra signature. She was not far, mercifully.

He caught her arm as she was walking down the hall. Shizune let out a sound of surprise as she felt herself being pulled into a dark room.

"Kakashi?" She asked him in a mix of shock and annoyance. She reached for the lights. The space was filled with harsh fluorescent light that rained from overhead. She brought her hands to her hips. Her expression to him to explain himself and to do it fast.

"Shizune," his demeanor was the furthest thing from aloof. "How are you feeling?" He asked her urgently.

She side-eyed him. "A little annoyed and confused if I'm being totally honest." She looked at the paper bag in his hands. "Is that for me?" She asked with hope.

"Take whatever you want." He all but shoved the bag in her hands. It was for Bat but he was sure he would not mind sharing a couple of the snacks. Shizune just managed to take the bag from him before it dropped to the ground.

"What has gotten into you?" She asked him with a furrowed brow and a frown. She was not impressed at all. She leaned back just as Kakashi leaned forward. "Kakashi," she said his name in a warning tone.

"Are you pregnant?" He asked her breathlessly.

Shizune blinked. Then she blinked again. Her face broke out into a red blush. "How did you…who told you?" She stammered out.

"It doesn't matter." Kakashi looked at her with something suspiciously close to panic in his eyes. "Is it true?" His dark eyes searched hers desperately.

"Yes." She looked down and to the side. Her cheeks burned. Her eyes darted up to his face briefly. "It's super early so no one can know," she bit her lip. "No one else can know." She corrected the statement.

He had stopped listening after 'yes'. He blinked rapidly as the news hit him, really hit him. Shzune looked at him with concern. He looked pale.

"Do you need to sit down, Kakashi?" She put the bag on the table that was against the wall. It crinkled slightly. Her hands hovered under his arms.

Kakashi shook his head in a state of shock. His mouth hung open behind the mask. His reaction was making her anxious.

"Are you okay?" She asked him guardedly. They had talked about it but that was not too long ago. Maybe he needed more time to sit with it. Maybe he had changed his mind. Maybe he was not as ready as he had thought. So many things were swimming in Shizune's head. And none of them were particularly good.

She was scared to ask the question she really wanted answered. Doubt crept up in her. This is not how she envisioned it going down. Granted, she did not exactly have much time to think about it but this all definitely disconcerting. She felt her walls start to rise up. The need to protect herself from the devastation that she was starting to feel, was growing.

"Listen, Kakashi, if you want no part in this, I understand." She kept her voice devoid of anything. It was her clinical voice. She stepped into her doctor persona. "I can raise them on my own." She bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself together. She was not going to cry in front of him. She had learned her lesson. "We'll manage. We won't expect anything of you." She was not the first single mother and she would not be the last.

Kakashi stared at her mutely. Her body language was completely closed off. She had misunderstood his silence. He cleared his throat. He forced his brain to comply.

"Shizune," he managed to say her name. "I -"

"You what, Kakashi?" She asked him pointedly.

He swallowed thickly. He was losing control of the situation. There was very real hurt under the ice in her gaze.

"I'm happy."

She stiffened. "You're happy?" She asked slowly with caution. Shizune could not go through another tumultuous rollercoaster of emotions.

He really messed up. Obito was not the only idiot. He took a step forward gingerly. She watched him warily. He gently gripped her shoulders.

"More than you could imagine."

The smile that pulled at her face gave him permission to finally breathe again.

"You should move in with me," he said almost blandly as if he were talking about something as mundane as picking paint colors for a room.

Shizune lifted her head from his shoulder and pinned him with a no-nonsense look. "What?" Her eyes narrowed as she asked him the question.

Kakashi shrugged indifferently. "It just makes sense," he said lazily. He would have to cut his chat with Bat short today. He only had about an hour and a half before he needed to go back to work.

Shizune looked at him with a bemused expression. "You live in the ANBU quarters. You live in a closet, Kakashi." She lowered her head back down and stared at the ceiling of the hospital. His fingers were tapping to a beat that only he could hear on her hip. "It makes absolutely zero sense to move in with you."

He made a noncommittal sound. "Okay, so not the quarters." He brought his right arm, the one not tethering her to him, to the back of his head. "There is plenty of space in my father's home."

Shizune did not move or utter a sound. She was at a loss for what to say. Kakashi had moved out of there after his father had died. She was hesitant for a plethora of reasons and the main one was she was not sure if Kakashi himself was ready to go back there.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" She asked him cautiously. Her dark eyes were still trained on the tile overhead. "We can find a place, you can move in with me in the interim."

Kakashi sighed softly. "We have a place," he turned to look at her. She turned to face him when she felt his eyes. "It will be fine," he assured her. "I'll be fine. We'll make better memories there, together."

She traced her finger along the edges of his mask. "Okay, do you know what state the house is in?"

"I'll get back to you on that one." He was not looking forward to going back, at least not for the first time.

"Or," Shizune blinked up at him. "I could just go with you," she offered gently.

"You don't have to," he began his protests halfheartedly.

"I want to," Shizune assured him firmly. "I rather know what I'm getting myself into. Eyes wide open as they say."

Kakashi watched as she turned her attention back to the ceiling of the hospital room.

"I should get back before someone notices I'm missing," she said in a tone laced with reluctance.

"Shizune," he called out her name.

"Hm?" She looked at him in surprise.

"I need you to be safe and take care of yourself." His tone was grave with seriousness.

Her face pulled into a solemn mask at his change in demeanor. "You too, Kakashi," she said with a determined expression.

"I love you," he touched the side of her face.

She looked at him with muted shock. She was still not used to hearing that. It did not take long for her lips to pull into a smile and for her expression to become soft.

"I love you too," she said in a small voice as her cheeks turned red. She was even less used to saying it.

"I'm going to take care of you and the baby," he vowed to her.

"We'll take care of each other," she responded without missing a beat. "And the babies."

"Babies?" He asked her with a raised brow and a growing sense of panic. They had agreed on one. They only talked about one. They only needed the one.

"Twins," she said solemnly. "They run in my family. It's too soon to tell for sure but I have a feeling."

Kakashi stared up at the ceiling. His world went black.

Shizune spared his unconscious form a sympathetic look.

"My thoughts exactly." She patted him on the arm before she looked back up at the ceiling. "Nothing's going to be the same ever again." She mused to herself.

Her father cheated on her mother.

For years.

Her kind, jovial, fun-loving dad, who did not take anything seriously, was a cheater. The realization completely reframed her whole childhood. Now she was looking at it in a completely new light. Her parents constantly bickered. She wondered if her mother knew. She wondered if she had any suspicions of the affair. There had to be signs. There had to be something. No one was perfect for years on end. There had to be a slip-up here or there.

Did he ever call her mother by the wrong name? Did he have an excuse for where he was? How did he manage to look her mother in the eye after what he did to her? Maybe she found lipstick that did not belong to her on his clothes? Or perfume? Maybe she could just tell his guilt? The questions along with the possibilities were seemingly endless.

Years. She, herself, had only known for six days and each passing day kept making her spiral worse and worse. She wanted to retreat from the outside world. She wanted to stay in the protective shield of her blanket. She wondered how her mother possibly could have put on a brave face for the world, for her for at least twenty-two years. Just what was Haruno Mebuki made out of?

She could not help but wonder if they only remained together for her. They struggled for years, they faced heartbreak for years all for her. It was not that much of a stretch to think that once they had what they wanted so badly, they decided to stay together. Her mother would not have been able to support her on her own. Her job as a seamstress was supplemental income; it was not enough to be a primary source. Maybe her father's guilt kept him around. Maybe he stayed out of obligation for both of them.

They seemed so mismatched and incompatible. She had years of listening to them fight both 'playfully' and a lot less so. It killed her to think she was the reason why they stuck it out. So many questions raced through her mind. The most prominent one was: Did they actually still love each other? Did they ever love each other?

Was it worth it? Was she worth it? Sakura wondered what her mother's answer would be to that seemingly simple question. She was not interested in anything her father would have had to say. She was so angry at him. She was so disappointed. She was so disgusted at his choices and actions. It felt like she did not know him at all. She never would have thought he was capable of such a thing. Maybe she inherited more than just his hair and sweet tooth. Maybe she picked up how to convincingly lie from him too. Everything was a lie. Her whole childhood was a lie.

How many of those light-hearted lovers' tiffs - as her father called them - were based on real, true, deep resentment? Her parents' dynamic never made sense to her. Her mom seemed to tolerate her dad at best and her father seemed to put up with her mother. If they put her, Sakura, at the center of the family unit it made sense as to why they were the way they were and why they both stayed.

Her mother deserved better. Her mother deserved loyalty. Her mother deserved to be loved fully and unconditionally. Her mother deserved a faithful spouse. The loneliness her mother talked about while being pregnant with her, she understood it now. How awful must the whole experience have been for her? How many times did she go through that and not even have a baby to show for it?

It was not missed on her how the very thing they wanted so badly might have caused their relationship to die. It was heartbreaking, and heart-wrenching. Would he have stayed if he knew about Spider's mom being pregnant? Would it have mattered? Would the Gods have forced him to travel into the future anyway? They hardly seemed like the types to care about the feelings of a few humans as long as the overall calamity was avoided. Humans and their lives were nothing in the grand scheme of things.

She could not even ask Akemi. She was feeling the loss of the woman not for the first time. There was so much she wanted to ask her, to discuss with her. There was so much she wanted to know. Knowing was better than thinking up thousands of scenarios in her head that all could be equally likely.

There was one thing she did not doubt, the devotion her parents had for her. They loved her. She was the center of their world. She was the sun that they orbited around. Maybe they decided that the child they were finally blessed with was worth the price. Maybe they thought their love for her could trump their lack of for each other?

They were long gone. She could not ask them. All she had were questions, concerns, and devastation. Nothing was the same for her. The longest marriage modeled for her was a lie. It shook her. It made her reevaluate everything.

Just how much had she missed in her life? Just how clueless was she?

The sounds of a carrot being chopped registered vaguely in her ears. The clicking of the metal against the wood, along with the sound of the vegetable made when it was sliced into rounds, was almost soothing. It was predictable. It was stable. She could count on it.

It was not like the current state of her mind. Not too long ago she thought it was enough that Minato was a good father and that they worked well together in raising Naruto. She had thought that was enough for her and her children. But now, she realized just how mistaken she was.

It was not enough. It would never be enough. She and Shikaku were wrong. There was no seal. Current or in the past. She had been fooling herself. Something more straightforward and unoriginal was going on. She just did not want to see it. All his symptoms could be explained by something else: unhappiness. And the stress that it caused. The stress that she caused him.

Their problems existed long before Spider. She had just been so consumed with her own happiness that she missed his unhappiness. She had been self-absorbed. Minato was selfless by nature. He always put her first and she let him. She supposed it was all finally catching up with him.

Minato had been pulling back and away from her. He was telling her from the beginning what was wrong and instead of listening to him, she placed blame on someone other than herself. He was checking out and it was not Spider's fault.

Her behavior. The choices she made doomed them. She poisoned the roots of their relationship herself. She lied to him by omission. She did not tell him about Tukiko. She took it a step further by not telling him again when she asked two of his shinobi to look for her. She made it even worse when she was prepared to do anything to keep her from a certain road. She had ample time to tell him. There were no excuses. She did that. Not Spider. She caused the first plate to shift, she is the reason behind the first crack in their foundation.

Had Minato done even one thing that she did, with respect to how she handled the Kohana and Tukiko situation, she would have felt outraged and horrible. She would question the ground that they were standing on. So why was it so hard to stomach him doing the same? The consequences of her own actions had finally caught up to her.

It was not the universe or the Gods that she could blame. She was the problem. This was all by her hand. She was the reason for his unhappiness. It was all so clear to her now. She could not help him because she was the one hurting him. Not Spider, not the attack, not the circumstances. Just herself.

Her level-headed, even-keel, mentally sound husband was pushed to extremes. He was not sleeping. He was barely eating. He was unraveling. He was struggling. He was miserable. The mental pain was manifesting physically within him, affecting his day to day. He was under a lot of stress to the point that he was having panic attacks. He was plagued by headaches. He tried to keep that from her because he was trying to protect her. He was trying not to worry her. Instead of taking a second to acknowledge how he was being considerate in his own way to her, she jumped down his throat. She got angry with him. She made it about herself. She was impatient. She was judgmental. She was all wrong. She was not what he needed her to be at that moment. She proved that he was right for not coming to her.

Maybe it was not so crazy that he had turned to someone else to confide in. Maybe she herself had pushed him to it. Maybe this was simmering slowly over the years and the attack was just the breaking point. Maybe she had been failing him from the beginning. Maybe she never provided a safe place to open up and share what was bothering him. Maybe it was not his nature but her nature that made him keep everything bottled up and locked away.

Tsunade was right. She could not blame Spider for everything or even for anything. She was the problem. She could not blame anyone else. If she wanted to point a finger, she had to look in the mirror. She had blamed him. She had victim-blamed him for not being open after being hostile all these years to his mental health. She had no right to call herself a mental health professional. She was broken. She had broken him. She destroyed him. It was all her fault.

There was no seal. There was no manipulation of his emotions by someone other than herself. She did this to him. She was the one hurting him, failing him. She was the one who took him for granted. It was her fault. He had been telling her all along in his own way, subtly. Through his actions. Through his distance. She did this. She turned what they had into something ugly and unrecognizable.

She transferred the contents of the cutting board onto a plate. Naruto's birthday was tomorrow. She grabbed another peeled carrot and began to break it down. Minato had already sent out the invitations. She did not have it in her to prepare more than one dish for the number of guests. They had agreed that they would have a local restaurant cater the picnic. But she still wanted to make at least one dish for Naruto.

She had promised herself that Naruto would never spend a birthday alone. Not in this life, not while she was alive. Being pregnant did not change her desire to uphold it. Minato had gone out to do the shopping for the necessary ingredients. Sakura readjusted in the chair as she continued to chop the vegetables.

They were strangers now. The way he looked at her was not the same. He had mentally and emotionally checked out. It all made sense now to her head. Yet another sign she had missed in her quest to blame all her problems on someone else. He had been asking for help and she completely overlooked it all.

Staying together for the kids was not the answer, it was not the way. It was not what she wanted to model for her children, their children. They were both a testament to the love between their parents. If the love was no longer there there was no reason to stay together.

He was not picking fights. He was telling her what she was doing to him. She hurt him. He was not trying to make her hate him. He was trying to tell her, in his own words, just how bad things were. He was laying it all out for her without saying it outright. He was in pain. He was hurt. He was hurting. He still was all those things.

Mikoto had told her in the beginning in her own way, the relationship between husband and wife was the foundation. It should have been the cornerstone of Sakura's life. She neglected it. She failed him. She put everything and everyone else first before the man she chose to build her life with so it should not have come as a surprise to her when it all came crumbling down around her. She had no right to act like the victim.

She was ignorant to the fact then but she knew better now. She could not continue to live like this. She could not continue to do this to him. He was too good a person, a man, to take the step himself. He would continue to sacrifice his happiness, and his joy for her. He was selfless and she had taken advantage of that for way too long.

She was lying to herself. She became the type of person that Naruto hated. She ignored the small voice in the back of her head in favor of the illusion of what was their life. It was a mistake. Yet another one. The voice was not small now. It was not even in the back of her head. It had a megaphone. It was amplified. It was all she heard. Minato was not himself because she pushed him to the edge. She forced him to be this person.

She was ready to listen to what her brain had been telling her all along. It was time. They had nine wonderful years together. Nine years of life that she had not planned on living. She had made peace with dying at twenty-one, at thirty she could make peace with the writing on the wall. She would make a lifetime of the moments they had. She would relive them over and over in her heart. It was less painful than the alternative. She could not have him resent her. If they were not growing together she wanted no part in growing apart together.

How could she be happy if he was not?

She looked at him from the corner of her eye. There he was in all his glory, clad in a green apron. How easy it was to fall for the illusion that they were presenting. Nothing was fine. Their dynamic had changed. Neither of them was happy. She had been too stubborn to admit it and he had been too decent too.

"I can't believe it's about to be six years from the day he was born," Minato mused. His voice cut the silence. "It seems just like yesterday you told me we were expecting."

A wry smile tugged at her lips. "I feel the same way. Time really did fly."

Minato checked on the food in the oven. "I was so scared and excited. I didn't know what to think or how to feel. It was so overwhelming." He looked at her back as she continued chopping away.

"I felt the same way," she bit the inside of her bottom lip. Bittersweet were the memories. They just served as a reminder of what was no longer. In her desire to slow down time, she lost track of the present. She wanted to wait. She had planned on waiting until after his birthday to bring it up but now her brain was telling her to just be done with it. She could not bear the thought of being stuck in limbo another day. Now that she saw the writing on the wall, she did not want to pretend for one more second. It would be disrespectful to what marriage represented to both of them to continue to the farce of ignorance. Just like with everything else, the timing was off.

A fat tear pelted the counter. The knife moved through the big end of the carrot. Her hand faltered.

Pain.

The emotional turmoil she felt dwarfed the physical pain of the cut. She stood up on her feet and lowered the knife into the sink. Sakura turned on the tap. She ran cool water over the cut. It was shallow. She did not need stitches. She had been fortunate to not lose the tip of her finger, it was not through lack of trying.

She heard him move from behind her. She watched numbly as he turned off the water and dried her hands for her. He held the paper towel to the cut. He inspected it. His right hand glowed with a pale green light while his left hand held onto hers. The cut closed right before her eyes. It was textbook. She did not even feel a fluctuation of chakra. Even after all these years, his skill was not rusty.

He ran a fingertip over where the laceration had been. She stared at the spot the cut was to avoid looking at him. He had yet to let go of her hand. She was gathering what resolve was left inside of her, anything she could muster. All she needed was one little push and nothing would be the same again. Everything could come crashing down around her. She had to do it. She could only pray that they did not hate her for it.

Minato looked up from her healed finger at her. He was startled to see tears streaming down her face.

"Sakura?" He said her name in a worried tone.

She looked at his face. She wanted to be selfish just one more time. She did not think. She just acted. She cupped the side of his face with the hand he was not holding. She pulled down his face until his lips were pressed against hers. Sakura kissed him with desperation. She knew full well that this could very likely be their last kiss. She wanted it to be memorable. She wanted to spend what was left of her life getting lost in him, in his memory - the way he made her feel. She wanted no regrets. She was very good at being selfish. She had years of practice to fall back on.

Minato tasted the salt from her tears on her lips. He responded against her mouth eagerly. They fell into familiarity like no time had passed. It felt so natural. He was reminded of what they had been missing for months now. The way her mouth moved in tandem with his was leaving his head spinning. It was not unpleasant at all. His fingers dug into the skin around her hips. He pulled her as close as he could while being mindful of the bump. He did not want to break away. He did not want it to end. It had been too long since he held her close like this. His arms had missed her.

It was a lot like the first time she kissed him all those years ago. She was an emotional wreck. She was devastated. She was going through a major life change and loss. She was facing the prospect of a new reality then just like she was now. The last was a lot like the first. She had been crying then too. Only this time, she had clarity. That was what was different now. She would be the one to pull back this time, not Minato. She was sure. This was the only way.

Her lungs burned for air. Her eyes were swimming with tears. Her bottom lip trembled. She looked at the confusion in his cobalt eyes. Sakura wore every last bit of her resolve as armor.

"The Gods chose me, made my existence possible because I did not have a tragic past." She forced herself to find the words. She stared into his blue eyes, his beautiful blue eyes. "I did not experience real loss until the war. My peers had lost parents, siblings, teachers, and friends. They were all shaped by tragedy. I didn't know what that meant." She swallowed thickly.

"Any interest I had in changing the past, changing this time was not directly tied to how my life turned out. Any interest I had was for someone else. Saving Obito and Rin was for Kakashi. Saving you and Kushina was for Naruto. Preventing the Uchiha Clan Massacre was for Sasuke." She took in a shaky breath. He was listening intently even though she could see the questions forming on his face. She smoothed the lines of his forehead. Her eyes held grave guilt.

"That was how it started, anyway. Somewhere along the way, I started doing it for selfish reasons. Keeping Team Minato, you, and Kushina alive became for me. Slowly, I started thinking about how it impacted anyone else less and less." She brought her hands to his chest. She pressed her palm against his heart. It was beating slightly faster than usual. "I became invested in this world. I became a part of it. I wanted to be a part of it. I built a life here." She smiled at him sadly. "I built a life here with you."

Her jade eyes held him captive. He forced himself to listen to every syllable. It was the only way not to get lost. He ignored the beeping of the oven. Sakura leaned against the counter. She fisted her hand in his navy shirt. He was more or less keeping her up. She braced herself. She just needed to keep it together a little while longer.

"I didn't tell you about the mission - the one that condemned my world - not because I didn't trust you, but because I didn't know you. You were a legend, you were the Yellow Flash. I was a baby when you died, I could barely support my own head at the time. I didn't know who you were as a person. I did not know what you could handle and what you could not. I didn't know of your mental strength. I didn't know you."

"I knew of you. I knew of the Yondaime, the greatest Hokage of all time, the hero of Konoha. But I didn't know Minato. Not like I know you now. If this version of me was sent back today, I would tell you. I would tell you everything right at the beginning even before I told Sarutobi. Before our first kiss." She caressed the side of his face. Her fingers traced the barely-there scar from his temples to his jaw.

"I would tell you everything all at once because I know the man you are. I know how strong you are. I know how capable you are. I know how kind you are. I know how deeply you care for your students. They are your kids and no one cares more about them than you. I would tell you."

Sakura cleared her throat. "I didn't tell you because I did not know you. That's all. Nothing more and nothing less. And when I did know you, I told you everything about the Akatsuki, about your…" she took a breath to gather herself. "About how you died. About myself, I told you all of it. I messed up with Tukiko. I should have told you. There are no words. I made a mistake and I continued to make additional mistakes to try to correct or cover for the first. I accept that. I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

She looked up into his eyes. She took a deep breath. His stunned silence was a good thing, it prevented him from interrupting her. She did not think she could start again if he did. She was in motion right now. It was easier to just keep going.

"I don't blame you for what happened to Ban." She leaned into him. "I'm sorry if I made it seem that way. I am dealing with my own guilt. I made him a promise to find who did this and I felt like I lied to him. I failed him. He trusted me and I let him down. I don't blame you."

"That day in the hospital. It was my anger at myself that I was projecting. I was mad at my mistakes - at the situation - and I directed it at you. I'm sorry."

Her fragile heart rattled in the cage she was constructing out of logic, fact, and sheer willpower. Her mind wore it down and was now imposing its will on it.

"I'm sorry that I didn't notice sooner just how much you were carrying with you. I'm sorry I failed you. I should have helped you. You shouldn't have needed to ask. I should have realized much, much sooner. I'm sorry that I could not be a source of comfort for you. I'm sorry that I could not provide you with a safe space. I'm sorry that I was not your safe space."

He was staring at her so intently that if she looked into his eyes for too long, her heart would become louder again. It would no longer be in her control. It belonged to him. It wanted to be with him. It had tried to convince her that it would work out. But it was wrong. It could not be more wrong. It was in denial.

For the first time in nearly a decade, she could not hold his gaze. That level of comfort was no longer there between them. She had to look away after some time before she came back to his eyes only to repeat the dance as she spoke to him. She no longer had the right to his gaze, to his undivided attention.

"You asked me if things would be different if Kushina did not have her accident and if she could have children." She closed her eyes as more tears rained down her face. She exhaled slowly. Minato's eyes lowered from her face. "You weren't the first one to ask me that," she bit her lip. "But you asking it hurt the most."

She waited out a wave of despair. "I choose you over Naruto, Minato." The words pained her to say. They cut her deeply. "It was the hardest thing I've done." Her voice broke off in anguish. Right now, this might be even harder.

If he needed to hear it, then she was going to say it. No matter the cost. She would make it crystal clear to him.

"If Kushina did not have her accident, I still would have chosen you. It might have taken us longer to get here but we would be here." She looked at him with an unwavering gaze. "Loving you and being loved by you changed my life completely. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I don't think I could ever love anyone the way I love you." It was so complete. It was that mind, body, and soul kind of love. That was why it was so painful for her to say what she was about to say.

Shards of glass were lodged in her throat. Each sound that came out from there did irreparable damage to her. A tear spilled from her eye and raced down her cheek. It clung to the bottom of her chin. She smiled heartbrokenly at him.

"That's why I'm letting you go." She said barely above a whisper.

Her heart shattered. It shot in all directions. The bars of the cage could not contain all the pieces that became of it.

AN: I'm sorry! I'll try to have the next chapter out soon. We are approaching the end. Thank you to everyone who stuck around this long! And I hope you will continue to see this through until the end. Until next time! :)