A very ordinary girl

by anorc

Harry has to go to Slug club meetings, and meets someone profoundly ordinary.

A very ordinary girl

In which our hero meets someone profoundly ordinary.

Going to the Slug Club meeting, thought Harry, had been a bad idea. He was so tired of Slughorn dragging him about; he'd finally escaped when the middle-aged witch he was talking to started talking about archaeology, and Slughorn's grip on Harry's shoulder had ceased.

Harry sat down in the chair in the dark corner of Slughorn's Party, holding a glass of something amber that he'd swiped off one of the waiters trays. It was loud, and Harry wasn't interested in talking to anyone else.

"Hello" said a girl, just beside him; he looked over, and it was a blonde witch about his age. She smiled tentatively "Bored too?" she asked.

Harry nodded "Slughorn gets on my nerves." said Harry. The vague thought occurred to him that he should know who she was, that she was vaguely familiar – she definitely attended Hogwarts.

"He wants to be friends with my family" said the girl, in a slightly posh accent. The accent drew Harry's attention to her face, her long nose, and blue eyes. Well, her nose was smaller than Ron's and her eyes were greyer than Ron's.

"Really" said Harry tiredly, having used up his witty repartee for the day already.

"We're in import-export. Professor Slughorn likes exotic luxuries, and we can supply them" said the girl "Daphne Greengrass, Greengrass Import-Export."

"Harry Potter" said Harry and he added sarcastically "Hero or Villain?"

The girl's lips twitched "mad villain would be more exciting, I suspect" she said. "You don't seem like an attention-seeking imbecile… ," she added "But then again, you are a Gryffindor." she finished with a small smirk. A smirkette.

"Snape hates me" said Harry "That much is true, and the Ministry want to cover up what happened. Doesn't change the truth." he added, feeling tired. Weren't parties supposed to rev you up?

"You're not going to browbeat me with stories of the return of he-who-shall-not-be-named?" asked Greengrass.

"No point." said Harry bluntly, "You've heard both sides, and already picked yours. My goal is to avoid being introduced to another old person. He – Professor Slughorn, that is introduced me to Mr Worple, who wanted to write my biography. Honestly, I'm only seventeen."

"Harry Potter, you're a liar" said Greengrass, "You're sixteen!"

"Fine!" said Harry "I'm sixteen, I'm famous for something my parents did."

"And you didn't" said Greengrass drily. "It may be too early for a biography of the youngest Quidditch seeker at Hogwarts in a century."

"That's something I did myself" said Harry, feeling less annoyed "Banned from Quidditch these days though."

"Rather unfair, but at least my house stands a chance now" said Greengrass. She smiled briefly. Harry had a vague feeling he'd seen her in potions, therefore Slytherin.

"Well, yes, Hufflepuff will do better without me playing" said Harry, in an ever-so-friendly tone, and a broad, sarcastic smile.

Greengrass huffed and folded her arms over her chest "I've never been so insulted in my life!" she said.

Harry smiled, and took a sip of the drink he'd been carrying. It tasted of cinnamon going down, but then it burnt like fire. He coughed … smoke? What had he just drunk?

"Drinking Firewhiskey looks more impressive if you don't cough" said Greengrass.

"You couldn't do better" said Harry bluntly.

Greengrass snorted derisively and stuck her nose in the air. She had the face for it, Harry supposed.

He offered her the glass "Here you try?"

"Harry Potter is a villain who tries to get young witches drunk on firewhiskey" said Greengrass in a very posh tone. "Ew, I'm not using your glass" she added slightly less poshly.

Harry stood up and waded into the crowded room. He saw Hermione ducking behind a bearded wizard in odd laminated red robes, covered in lacquered plates, then Harry saw Cormac McLaggan, looking around, like he was trying to spot the snitch. 'So that was going badly,' thought Harry. 'Serves her right' thought a small voice in his head.

Four clusters of people later, and Harry found a table with drinks – he snagged another tall-sided glass and headed back to the dark corner, where Sanguini was looming somewhat, and Greengrass was sitting very still in her chair – looking like a mouse confronted by a cat. Harry's stomach suddenly felt like lead.

"Sanguini?" asked Harry, and the vampire turned to face Harry, pale and unblinking

"Yes?" said Sanguini, looking like he'd just woken up or something.

"Mr Worple was looking for you, something about blood pops?" said Harry. Sanguini smiled, his fangs showing and nodded "I am… feeling very conflicted" said Sanguini in a deep, resonant tone, "Some blood pops, yes."

Sanguini stalked off. Harry sat down as casually as he could and handed Greengrass the fresh glass of firewhiskey.

"You saved me" croaked Greengrass.

"It's a reflex" said Harry blandly, taking a tiny sip of cinnamon flavoured fire.

He felt his leg get kicked, and looked down. Greengrass withdrew her foot- she was wearing silver high-heeled sandals under her party dress . And thin light grey tights.

"You just saved me from a vampire, Potter" said Greengrass.

"His name's Sanguini" said Harry. Greengrass huffed again, and took a big sip of firewhiskey.

That left her gasping.

"Oh god it's dire" she coughed "Why do people drink it?"

"Small sips" said Harry.

"I've drunk Firewhiskey before, Potter" said Greengrass, lying or exaggerating.

"Tonight I drank it first" said Harry.

They sipped strong booze in the manner of the underage to buy. Slowly.

"Why Worple?" asked Greengrass.

"He's Sanguini's friend, wrote the book about Sanguini" said Harry. "Wants to be my biographer." He took a sip and swallowed. The cold in his stomach at confronting Sanguini melted slowly.

"You're very brave" said Greengrass, taking a smaller sip. "ahh" she said "Not so bad in small sips."

Harry turned his head to check her glass. She'd drunk half in her first go.

"That's a lot already" said Harry.

"I've drunk way more firewhiskey than this before Potty" said Greengrass. "Tell me, why are you so sickly?"

"Sickly?" asked Harry, letting 'Potty' slide for now.

"You keep ending up in the hospital wing. What's really wrong with you?" she asked.

"Um, nothing?" said Harry "I have adventures that often um." He took a bigger sip of Firewhiskey.

"Um what?" asked Greengrass, sipping firewhiskey.

"End up in being hurt very badly" admitted Harry.

"When don't go… looking for monsters in the Forbidden forest, or whatever" said Greengrass, as if it was obvious.

"I… " Harry stopped to think about that "I've only done that once. Maybe twice." 'Said aloud,' Harry mused, 'it sounded stupider.'

Greengrass turned in the chair she was sitting on and frowned at Harry "Do you have a problem understanding this. The forest is full of bad things that will try to eat you, so stay out of the forest?" she said.

"It's not that simple" said Harry.

"It really is" said Greengrass, and she had a snort of firewhiskey.

"I had to follow the spiders in second year to find out… what was petrifying people" said Harry.

Greengrass eyed Harry's glass then lifted hers and peered at it "Nope, not that drunk. What you said makes no sense."

"Spiders were fleeing the castle." said Harry, "Ron and I followed the spiders and found them hiding out with the Acromantula colony." He added. "Aragog, the oldest Acromantula, explained they feared the beast."

"Acro-what?"

"Giant spider. Native to South America" said Harry casually, "Someone smuggled a few into the forest fifty years ago. There's a colony. Don't go there."

"How giant are you talking?" asked Greengrass, looking paler.

"Elephant sized" said Harry, and they drank firewhiskey in unison. Quite a lot.

"That's insane" said Greengrass "And I need another drink"

Harry looked over at the girl, and she was indeed, holding an empty glass.

Harry handed her his glass, and went to get another two. It was as easy as walking over and taking two glasses. Nobody cared that he was only sixteen, apparently.

"So how does the import export business work?" asked Harry, sitting and handing Greengrass a glass. She handed him his half-empty glass.

"Portkeys, warehouses, and miles of ministry paperwork" said Greengrass, "Boring paperwork, and owl post from all over the world, orders coming in, letters to suppliers. Fortunately I love my big brother" she smiled – a bit pink cheeked "He's inheriting the business responsibilities, I'm merely inheriting a boring job if I want it."

"Lucky for you" said Harry, taking a little sip "And what would you like to do?"

"I don't know" said Greengrass honestly "Daddy wants me to find a 'profitable match' like he did."

"Profitable match?" asked Harry. That sounded a bit… weird.

"Daddy married mummy," said Greengrass, waving her glass a little "And got talking to grandmama one day, and that's when they" Greengrass stopped and looked around "Shh. It's a secret."

"Had you and your brother?" asked Harry sarcastically.

Greengrass pointed a pointy finger at Harry "You're a very sarcastic boy for one that's not in Slytherin." she said. "Grandmama's a countess back in Hungary, so until she dies, mama is on the Hungarian list of title inheritance, and then Uncle Dániel inherits, and mummy falls off the list. And then we go a bit broke."

"A bit broke?" asked Harry.

"Because mummy has a house in Hungary and in England, she's entitled" Greengrass stopped and giggled, then she continued, "to move her effects from one house to the other without paying the British ministry, or the Hungarian one, import duties."

"So that's your family business, avoiding import duties?" asked Harry.

"Daddy's family have been doing import export for centuries" said Greengrass firmly "Just it's been more profitable for the last twenty-five years. That's all." She had a sip of firewhiskey.

"So what's your… father on about?" asked Harry. "Having to marry some rich old guy?"

"Ew" said Greengrass, "Daddy married mummy, and they got wealthier together. Daddy wants me to find someone where we'll be wealthier together."

"It's called both working" said Harry, and smiled smugly. Like hexing Malfoy, so easy.

"What, and spend a fortune on a house elf to look after my children?" asked Greengrass "That's false economy. Even if you could relocate one."

"Well good luck with that" said Harry "I'm trying to avoid being killed by a dark wizard, so excuse me for not being worried about little details like what to do if I don't die."

Greengrass drank silently for a bit. "Surely you have some aspirations? Some hopes and dreams?" she asked after a drink. Harry drank some more. The firewhiskey felt less burn-ey as you drank more. And he started not worrying about things, which was nice.

"Professional Quidditch?" asked Greengrass.

"Don't know" said Harry, imagining himself playing at the world cup. It seemed a far cry from school quidditch. "McGonagall asked us, for Careers day."

"And?" asked Greengrass, for some reason she was well, looked like she'd sucked a lemon.

"I thought Auror." said Harry "I got into sixth year potions, and Slughorn actually teaches us how to brew."

"You what?" asked Greengrass, leaning sharply towards Harry and nearly dropping her drink "You got an O in potions?"

"He'll take E's" said Harry.

"You got an E in OWL Potions?" asked Greengrass, sipping "You were rubbish at potions."

"Not that bad in the end" said Harry.

"Shit," said Greengrass, sounding annoyed.

Harry turned to look at her "Shit?" he asked. She was slumped and scowling.

"I could be doing NEWT potions. Mummy is disappointed" said Greengrass.

"But do you like potions, want them for what you do after school?" asked Harry.

"Well of course I do!" said Greengrass "What self-respecting witch can't brew her own potions." She took a big snort of firewhiskey.

"Two months of classes. Hard to make up" said Harry.

"I'd need a tutor. I could ask Daddy for money for that," said Greengrass glumly "We've got adequate money till Grandmama dies."

"Is she old?" asked Harry.

"Ancient." said Greengrass, "At least seventy. She has wrinkles."

Harry was distracted from Greengrass bemoaning her potions-class-less life by Filch coming in with a dishevelled Draco Malfoy who started causing a scene. Harry absent-mindedly handed Greengrass his glass, stood up and 'sneaked' across the room.

As everyone standing had surged over to eavesdrop on the drama, frankly a rhinoceros could have eavesdropped on Slughorns' dismissal of Filch. Slughorn pinned Malfoy with his gaze, and Snape arrived a bit later, to take Malfoy away. Malfoy was pale, had bags under his eyes and his clothes were a bit dusty and grimy. Malfoy complained loudly ending in "Well I didn't want to come to this stupid party anyway" and was dragged off by Snape. He so clearly had.

Harry ducked through the door the waiters – poor bastards like Neville that hadn't got invites, in uncomfortable uniforms, had been using, ducked down a corridor lined with catering supplies, and out a door that just screamed 'back way out' to Harry's adventure-seeking senses. And then, invisibility cloak applied, he tiptoed off towards the Slytherin common room, trying to pick up the trail of The Bat and The Ferret.

Who were instead, in a dungeon room, and Snape was berating Draco.

"– diot boy I can help you. I promised your mother I'd help you, prevent your untimely death."

"I don't need your help Snape" sneered Malfoy "I'm a Malfoy, and The Dark Lord will reward me when I succeed. My father will be forgiven his failure."

"You arrogant little worm, you will fail" hissed Snape "You lack the ability or the nerves for your task."

"I will not fail, you're just – just – just trying to recover from being Dumbledore's spy in the last war. He will never trust you again, Snape" said Malfoy. But he quavered and stuttered as he said that. Whatever his task was, it was clearly too hard for Malfoy. And Snape was offering to help. How kind of him. 'Fucking Death Eater arsehole.' thought Harry. Malfoy probably had to search the restricted section for some cursed book, or something equally easy. And Snape was offering to help. What a wanker.

"Your performance tonight attracted the wrong kind of attention, Draco" said Snape dramatically.

"Slughorns' a buffoon" said Draco.

"Don't confuse his belly with his brain" said Snape "He's also no threat to you till you get to the last step of your task. Potter was at that party, and saw you making an imbecile of yourself."

"Saint Potter, Saint Cries-a-lot" said Malfoy "He's weak. Dementors crush him." he sneered.

Harry felt the urge to try some new hexes on Malfoy. There were some great ones 'for enemies' in the Prince's book.

"Malfoy, when he was twelve he killed a forty-foot-long Basilisk. Potter is, luckily for you, too stupid and honourable to be merciless. He could end you in moments." said Snape.

Harry felt indignant. Forty foot long! It was easily sixty. Snape might think Harry was a bit dangerous, and that was bit flattering really, but forty foot? Kid's stuff.

"I don't need you help!" repeated Draco.

"Well regardless, I'm taking you to your dormitory and seeing that you get to bed, you're overtired and drunk." said Snape.

"The runes make more sense a bit drunk" said Malfoy.

"Imbecile. Your mother would be very disappointed in you" said Snape.

"My Mother is a spineless coward, whose only talent is table arrangements!" said Malfoy.

"Having seen your mother curse people when I was younger" said Snape coldly, "I would keep that opinion to yourself."

Snape actually dragged Draco by one arm, out of the room and off towards the Slytherin common room.

Harry tried to puzzle out what that had been all about as he mosied back towards the Gryffindor common room.

Except as he passed Slughorn's office, it was clear the party was still going. Harry felt a moment's responsibility; he'd go in, check to see if Hermione was okay, then leave.

Harry got back in, past Filch, now carrying his probity probe. Filch glared at him and almost poked him with the probe, but he was allowed in.

"Oy pratface" said someone from the other side of the room. Harry looked over, and Greengrass stood up and waved two drinks at Harry.

Harry checked for Hermione; she'd clearly mimicked Harry and fled, and he made his way around dancing people to the dark corner, where Greengrass's long face glared.

"I know you ditched your date in the first thirty seconds, but leaving me holding your drink for half an hour? You're a prat." said Greengrass.

"Sorry Greengrass" said Harry, and she thrust a nearly full glass into his hand.

"Daphne" she said. "There's two of us at Hogwarts. You're not to speak to my little sister. She's a nice little Ravenclaw, like Daddy."

Harry sat down, tried to process that, failed and drank instead. Maybe drinking would help his brain put the pieces together. Surely he could work out what Malfoy was doing, and get a memory from Slughorn. Hell, even Snape thought he was marginally competent. The thought filled Harry with deep unease, his skin feeling like it didn't fit, so he drank more.

"So who was she?" asked Gree- Daphne. Sounding more relaxed.

"Who was who?" asked Harry, instantly confounded, and possibly getting tipsy.

"Who did you sneak off to snog?" asked Daphne "Or did you?" she asked, and leaned over and sniffed near Harry.

"Snog then?" she asked again.

Suddenly Harry realised what Daphne thought. That Harry had snuck off to snog someone. That people would sneak off to snog Harry. That made two Slytherins that though that Harry was competent, and one was Snape.

Harry eyed his glass and swallowed almost the entire glassful. He exhaled flames, less painfully than he'd expected, and still, the half-heard, half understood conversation with Malfoy made no sense.

"Ugly then?" asked Daphne.

Harry blinked and turned to eye the girl sitting, no, lolling in the chair beside him, holding a nearly empty glass. She was a bit flushed.

"Ugly?" asked Harry, totally confused.

"You went off and snogged an ugly girl, and now you're drinking to forget?" she asked. "Considering how many girls say they'd snog you, that shows a pathetic lack of self-confidence." she added.

Harry's brain, already busy, stopped and turned that sentence around. 'How many girls say they'd snog you.'

Hermione had made that crack abut his eyes being 'His most fanciable feature.' And a picture was beginning to form.

"I didn't go snog a girl, ugly or otherwise" said Harry, glaring at Daphne. She blushed.

"Oh Sorry. Didn't know" she said. And inexplicably sighed. "What a pity."

"What?" asked Harry, quite adrift at this point.

Daphne sat up and leaned over and whispered "Sorry, didn't know you were gay. My apologies."

Harry felt his cheeks heating up.

"I'm not gay" he said, louder than a whisper. Not a shout, thank god.

"What?" asked Greengrass "Why'd you go out then?"

"To follow Snape and Malfoy, find out what's going on" said Harry.

Daphne rolled her eyes and sat back "Nothing is going on. Pansy spent weeks pigging out, then sulking, then the self-loathing. She should make it to crank diets soon, I think" she said.

"Nothing what, Pansy?" said Harry, feeling like he'd missed half of that.

"Pansy and Draco were together. Merlin knows Pansy used to go on in revolting levels of detail. Everyone in dorms knows exactly what Malfoy likes. He's a disgusting user." said Greengrass.

Harry's brain finally added two and a hippogriff and made four. "They were shagging?" asked Harry, and he gulped firewhiskey, nearly choking.

"Pansy's probably going on the prowl in a few months. You should be safe enough" said Daphne, waving an empty glass "Get me a refill while you're up" she said. Harry eyed his hand. The glass was empty.

Harry got up and the floor shifted a little, but Harry made it to the drinks table without further floor movements, and he got back and sat rather more heavily, and took a sip. Sweet fiery ambrosia.

"Pratface, hand me my glass" said Daphne.

Harry looked at his spare glass, and handed it over. She took a sip.

"So you're just morbidly interested in watching Draco lose all his marbles?" asked Daphne. "He spends ages out in the castle somewhere with Crabbe and Goyle, and comes back after curfew."

"Is he gay then?" asked Harry casually, and Daphne snorted Firewhiskey out her nose. "Ow fuck!" she said, holding her nose, "That really stings! He's not gay, but he's not bragging about his exploits, so not sex."

"I can't really say what yet, but I know he's up to something bad" said Harry.

"It's not his assignments" noted Daphne. "He's buying them from Nott."

Harry relaxed slightly. Something occurred to Harry.

"How many girls say they'd snog me" said Harry "In say, Slytherin?"

"Most" said Daphne "I refuse to shame my dorm-sisters, but for your own peace of mind not Pansy or Millie." And she blushed.

Harry mentally took a fuzzy list of names, crossed off Pansy and Millicent, and was left with Tracey, Sally Anne , Sally, Lily and … Daphne. And if Hermione had implied what Harry suddenly thought she'd implied, not Hermione, or Lavender… but basically every girl his age at Hogwarts wanted to snog him. Harry thought about this for a moment, sipping firewhiskey and eying a blushing largely anonymous Slytherin girl. Why did Harry's days not feature more snogging? Malfoy, and his plot. Well, and a memory from Slughorn, but that was matter of waiting for the right moment. He'd have to be so lucky….

"I'm an idiot" said Harry.

"Handsome, a bit impulsive, but not an idiot" said Daphne. Then she winced.

"I've worked out how to solve all my problems this year in one fell swoop" said Harry.

"I certainly wouldn't!" said Daphne. "You're decent company, but I'm not going off to a broom-closet with you! Pansy might do that, but I draw the line far sooner than she does."

Harry felt his throat closing up with embarrassment and his cheeks heating up.

"Not that" said Harry sharply, and Daphne crossed her arms over her chest "I'm not that plain!" she complained.

"You're quite pretty really" said Harry's mouth. He looked at the girl, who was staring at him much has she'd stared at Sangiuni. Then she licked her lips.

"Really?" she asked quietly.

"Well obviously." said Harry. "Why does every girl I know have crippling self doubts about their looks?" Daphne gulped firewhiskey.

"As IF!" said Daphne "I'm miles prettier than Granger!" Harry stopped and thought about that, and drank some to help cogitate on that. Technically could be true if her hair was doing something pretty, Harry supposed. On a simple day-to-day basis, Daphne by a landslide. Her hair showed no signs of being possessed, or cursed, for starters.

"Well?" asked Daphne.

"Well what?" asked Harry.

"Agree with me or not? I am miles prettier than Granger?" she said.

"Course" said Harry "Your hair's not fancied up tonight though. On any given Monday, you by a landslide."

"Greengrass held her hand to her forehead "His effusive praise" she said dramatically. "Prettier than Granger."

"Prettier than … Pansy too" said Harry.

Daphne relaxed and shook her head "Never say that. If it gets back to her, she'll get uglier."

"It's all her nose." said Harry bluntly.

"She broke it when we were ten, and her mum was in Spain. When she came home she told Pansy that she deserved to be ugly because good girls didn't climb trees." said Daphne. "And I never told you that."

Harry nodded, "her mum's not great then?" he asked.

Daphne shook her head, "Pinhead, only interested in fashion" said Daphne. "Best buddies with Narcissa Malfoy."

"Yikes." said Harry "So their mums would um… approve of it?"

"They'd have to both be blind to have not noticed it last summer" said Daphne. "Dis-gusting."

"Maybe you're just a prude?" asked Harry, drinking some more.

Daphne took a very large belt of firewhiskey and said "He was choking her with his willy. That's just gross. She was covered in snot, crying. Utterly disrespectful."

"Sure it was snot" quipped Harry.

"Considering Draco's preference for Pansy swallowing… yes." said Daphne, and Harry felt his already warm cheeks heat further, so he drank some more. Oh god that was… just so wrong.

"Did you try to do anything about it?" asked Harry. It was like hearing about a train wreck secondhand.

"I told mummy." said Daphne "That was an embarrassing mistake." she eyed the glass, and poured the last of it down her throat "Mummy can be a bit… mature." she croaked. "Refills."

Harry stood and flew his feet across the room to the shrinking drinks supply, and back, landing smoothly, and handing over a glass. Greengrass's hand shook, and she drank a finger of firewhiskey.

"Mummy gave me a very… complicated speech about consent, about what's okay." said Daphne.

Harry nodded and smiled. That didn't sound awful. Adult… but not bad.

"Then started trying to teach me a charm to prevent choking" said Greengrass, gulping firewhiskey. Harry eyed the blushing girl, and drank the whole glass. Buggering hell!

"I'm sorry I asked." gasped Harry, coughing smoke.

Daphne waved a hand lazily "There's other charms for… other stuff. Mummy pointed out one's great if you want… certain things done. Multipurpose cleaning charm." she shivered. "I feel cold. Get me more firewhiskey." Her glass had gone away too.

Harry's feet, which had felt like racing brooms just one glass ago were still behaving, but his body was a bit … wobbly. He got back to their chairs, just, spilling a little, but handing over a mostly full glass.

Harry concentrated "I think I'm drunk" he said.

"Squiffy" said Daphne. "Pre-drunk. Drunk boys want to see your breasts."

Harry mentally disagreed. Sober boys wanted to see breasts, drunk, they might have the confidence to ask.

Harry drank slowly, and Daphne finished hers off "I feel tired" she said "I need my bed."

Harry nodded and stood up. Daphne stood up, and wobbled, and fell towards Harry, who caught her. She was fairly tall, and the silvery sandals made her taller. She was warm, and heavy and smelled of firewhiskey. Harry propped her upright, she took a step, and nearly fell.

"Bugger. Can't walk in heels anymore" she said, and sat, well collapsed into Harry's old chair.

She lifted one foot and undid her sandal, and took it off, then the other, and picked up the silvery high-heeled sandals in one hand, and stood, more steadily, still quite tall. She reached out and grabbed Harry's shoulder with her free hand "Wobbly" she said "Might have drunk a bit much. I blame you. Bad Gryffindor, trying to get me drunk."

Harry put an arm around her shoulders, and helped her walk… together they walked quite smoothly out of the party, and Harry found himself turned around, facing towards the Slytherin common room. The corridor spun momentarily.

"Well, help me to the common room, you bad Gryffindor." she said.

"I'm not that bad" said Harry.

"They say that, then they want to shag." said Daphne drunkenly.

"I'll settle for getting you back to your common room in one piece eh?" asked Harry, because he suspected he was actually drunk.

As it was on the same level of the dungeons, it wasn't that long a trip, and Harry found himself holding Daphne upright, as she stood swaying against Harry in a way that was intermittently spine-tingling.

"Gotta open the door, issa secret" said Daphne. "Pecuriation!" she said, and the secret door opened into the Slytherin common room.

"She turned to face Harry, her head surprisingly close "Don't use the password."

"I won't" agreed Harry, and he helped Daphne in her stockinged feet stagger into the common room, all dark leather and green light-shades on the overhead lamps.

"Daph!" said a girl loudly, and a cute brown-haired one he vaguely recognised from his year dashed over, wand out.

"What have you done to Daphne" she asked. Harry eyed her wand point slightly drunkenly and concentrated. "Nothing but help her back to dorms." he said.

Daphne nodded "He's been good" she agreed, and leaned over and kissed his cheek. Her lips felt warm.

Harry handed Daphne off to her friend "Trace..." and staggered out of the Slytherin common room before he got hexed. His cheek felt warm where she'd kissed it.

Harry resolved to never speak of this little side-adventure to anyone, ever.

-==0==-

The next morning, with a pounding headache, Harry went down to the common room and was met by a cross looking Hermione.

"You did not help me avoid McLaggan" she said "And then got drunk and… " Hermione stepped closer and whispered "had relations with Daphne Greengrass."

Harry could only blink stupidly at that accusation. He hadn't… had relations with anyone ever.

"Who told you that?" asked Harry.

"Pavarti, who heard from Padma, who heard from – " started Hermione.

"Hogwarts gossip mill" interrupted Harry "I got sick of being dragged around like a pet, so I hid in the corner. Daphne Greengrass from Slytherin was also hiding in the corner. We did not do anything… adult, except drink firewhiskey. Do you think Madam Pomfrey would give me something for it?"

"You're just dehydrated "said Hermione "Water. And you're too young to be drinking."

"Breakfast?" asked Harry "Ron's not waking for ages."

Hermione nodded.

Harry set off with Hermione, who looked like she still had a few bags of wind to vent.

"You should be very careful with Slytherin girls. They're ambitious and ruthless." said Hermione "You're so trusting, one of them could use her wiles on you, and lead you off to an ambush by you-know-who."

"I didn't get that impression of her" said Harry. "She did have goss about Malfoy and Parkinson."

"Goss?" asked Hermione.

"They've broken up, Pansy's been binge-eating." said Harry "I told you Malfoy was up to something. And there's more." He pulled Hermione off by the hand into a disused classroom.

Harry shut the door "Malfoy tried to crash the party drunk. Snape came and took him back to dorms. I followed and heard something interesting."

"What?" said Hermione, blinking.

"Snape offered to help Malfoy with his task. From Voldemort. Malfoy was all 'I'm doing it to earn the dark lords favour' and Snape told him he was going to fail, without Snape's help." said Harry proudly.

"What's the task?" asked Hermione, sounding like she was humouring him.

"I missed that bit, or they didn't say. I only caught up with them after they'd been talking for a bit." admitted Harry.

"You're jumping at shadows. It's probably nothing" said Hermione. "Malfoy's all talk."

"Well, and Snape said to Malfoy to stop antagonising me… thinks I could squash Malfoy like a beetle." Harry smiled "Though he thinks my basilisk was only forty feet long. More like sixty." he added.

"What?" asked Hermione.

"Snape pointed out that I killed a Basilisk at twelve. As you know, at twelve, Malfoy couldn't cut the crusts off toast" said Harry.

Hermione crossed her arms "Don't get so pleased, just because Snape thinks you're competent!"

"At anything, ever" said Harry "It's slightly disturbing. One other piece of goss from Daphne Greengrass."

"What"?

"Apparently, almost every girl in our year would like to snog me." said Harry "Would you like to explain why you neglected to mention this to me?"

Hermione's eyes narrowed, and her nose wrinkled slightly, "You'd get a swelled head" she said bluntly. "Or become some sort of womanising creep."

"Like McLaggan" offered Harry. "Because the idea that I might benefit from some bloody confidence with girls is too hard to believe?" asked Harry. "And of course, I'd be as bad as McLaggan. Because I'm obliviously going to be as awful as McLaggan. With that, and my apparent predilection for getting witches drunk and shagging them… I guess I've got hidden depths of being an arsehole."

"I admit you'd probably be a lot nicer to girls than McLaggan" said Hermione "You'd get far too… puffed up with machismo. There is actually a Harry Potter fan-club, and a lot of the girls in it … well. I'm not naming names."

"Well… Greengrass named some names in Slytherin. I had no idea that just being, I dunno, brave, and really good at quidditch and apparently having pretty eyes was enough for girls to fancy me." said Harry bitterly. "I thought it was really complicated."

"We're not talking about this" said Hermione "You're a nice, quiet boy. When you-know-who's defeated, you can find someone."

"What if I don't live that long" said Harry sourly "I could die without ever having had a snog!"

"And half the impressionable witches in the castle would buy that sort of logic. You're not going on a rampage through the broom-cupboards of Hogwarts" said Hermione firmly.

"What's going on?" asked Harry, wondering in what universe he could ' rampage through the broom-cupboards of Hogwarts,' and how you got to that one from here. It sounded really interesting. Though just a kiss would be rather cool. That one on his cheek had been nice.

"Nothing" said Hermione quickly.

"Spill" said Harry. "Or Crookshanks gets catnip." The threat was empty- Crookshanks went absolutely mental on catnip, and was a hazard to life and limb.

"A friend may have asked discreetly how Harry Potter might be persuaded to pay her attention" said Hermione "And you're going to still be a nice boy when my plan gets to phase four."

"You have a plan, and it has four phases?" asked Harry "About me dating someone?"

"Nine phases" said Hermione. "It was all in the strictest confidence. I can't possibly discuss it."

Harry crossed his arms "You've got some overcomplicated plan to set me up, don't you."

"No I don't" said Hermione, "Now, we clearly need to discuss some of the problems with your attempts at … interacting with witches."

"But I don't" said Harry.

"And that's entirely appropriate" said Hermione self-righteously. "But I've made a list of the primary problems you could encounter."

Harry frowned, but shrugged anyway. Hermione might be going to help him. She her organiser out of her bookbag, and found a list. Of course she had a list. She reviewed the list and started talking.

"Firstly, Junior death eaters. It's called a Honey-trap." said Hermione "Girls offering their affections. The plans could be as simple as luring you outside the school protections, more subtle, like trips to Hogsmeade, the Shrieking shack… a portkey in any of those places, or just Death-Eater hit squads. Then there's simple assassination. Poisons, cursed objects, and the more dangerous, Imperious cursed victims, approaching you… seducing you not of their own wills, then luring you to your doom."

Harry sighed. So far, so bad. Look out for glassy-eyed girls.

"Then we get to the really subtle approaches. Befriending you, and not acting hostile for months or years" said Hermione.

"Surely Voldemort will attack just before end of the last term?" asked Harry "He's pretty consistent about that."

"Well, yes. That seems to be a pattern." admitted Hermione.

"So," said Harry sarcastically "As long as it's not a quick and stupid attack I'd be safe till nearly the end of the year?"

"Probably" admitted Hermione.

"So If I haven't been attacked by say, June first, I should dump a prospective Honey trap?" asked Harry, extremely snidely. Hermione glowered at him.

"Unless of course she was an innocent witch" said Harry. "Then I've just become a cad."

Hermione inhaled angrily, her nostrils flaring and her hair lifting a bit.

"So… got any more ideas on that list?" asked Harry.

"Then we get to the tricky stuff. Getting you to enter into magical contacts… or vows." said Hermione "I've researched betrothal agreements, and they're apparently extremely anachronistic."

"What?" asked Harry.

"Don't sign strange parchments" said Hermione.

Harry rolled his eyes. He had lived through fourth year, he knew that.

"And then the really manipulative stuff. Full-on honey traps, either de-facto, or legal. You're technically old enough to marry in Scotland" said Hermione. "Either gold-diggers or witches working for Voldemort, either directly, or through their family."

"Getting tricked into marriage to someone that later sells me out to the Death Eaters?" asked Harry.

"Basically" said Hermione. "Though there are a lot of alternative ways that could be organised."

"Skipping to the end" said Harry, "I can't date anyone you haven't vetted." He sighed.

"It's not like that" said Hermione "For all you know, Daphne Greengrass's father is a death eater."

"He's a sort of grey-market smuggler" confided Harry. "A legal loophole makes their family import-export business more profitable; they don't have to pay import-export taxes."

"That can't be legal!" said Hermione indignantly.

"They're entitled" said Harry "Her mum's on the Hungarian civil list, so she's exempt, so she buys everything and ships it to her house in Hungary, then they portkey it to England. It's her personal property, and apparently for people on the list, that's legal."

"That's disgustingly exploitative of a poorly written law" said Hermione. Who really was like a dog with a bone, thought Harry.

"Won't be forever. When her grandmother dies, her uncle inherits the title and her mum leaves the list." said Harry.

"How long were you two talking for?" asked Hermione.

"I dunno. Hours" said Harry "It was pretty interesting. Course her 'daddy' expects her to find a 'profitable match' for herself. Otherwise it's a family job in the boring family import-export office."

"That's disgusting and archaic" said Hermione. "A woman being married off to some rich aristocrat."

Harry was tempted to roll his bloody eyes at that point, but his head hurt a bit much to try.

"Her mum was an exchange student at Hogwarts who met a bloke here, they hit it off… married." said Harry "It's not some sort of … Pride and Prejudice thing. 'Course after they got together they worked out the loophole, and the family business has been going great for twenty-five years."

"Hrmh!" said Hermione. "That's exactly the sort of … romantic back-story a really clever enemy would use."

Harry nodded. "Come on, I'm hungry." Clearly Hermione thought he was an idiot. Which was annoying, as even Snape thought he wasn't.

Harry found advertisements in Hermione's Daily Prophet for import-export, from 'Bagatelles' advertising "Barrel of goods from Germany, only five galleons each!" Not Greengrass Import-export.

Harry handed the paper to Hermione, who stared at the page, "What does the ban on breeding two-headed llamas have to do with anything?" she asked.

"The ad. Barrel from Germany. Five galleons" said Harry.

"So?" asked Hermione.

"We write to Greengrass Import Export, and get a quote." said Harry.

Harry managed to get to the Olwery, and send a hastily scribbled letter and get to Defence with Snape in plenty of time.

Hedwig dropped off a reply at lunch. Neatly written on the back of his letter was 'One barrel from Germany: 1 galleon each.'

Harry handed it casually to Hermione, and her eyebrows collided. "But they're five times cheaper than 'Bagatelles'. Nobody'd spend five times as much" she said.

"'Bagatelles' advertise in the Prophet" said Harry "You can see they're making money, and smart people use Greengrass import-export, don't have to cover taxes. I'd bet they get five times the business."

"At least" said Hermione. "They're crooks" she said judgmentally.

"Her story checks out. At this point" said Harry.

"Don't you dare" said Hermione sternly.

"What?" Asked Harry "We just talked, honestly you've got snogging on the brain." Hermione turned away from Harry at that point.

That night, Seamus asked Harry what Greengrass was like.

"What?" said Harry.

"You snogged her, right?" asked Seamus. Harry shook his head "Talked. Got drunk, helped her get back to her common room."

"Didn't snog her?" asked Seamus. "I'd snog a girl that talked to me all night and got drunk."

Harry wondered if somewhere along the way he was missing something. He wouldn't have minded another kiss… but he only got the one.

For the rest of the week, everyone was whispering and pointing at Harry, or at Daphne Greengrass. Then Ginny broke up with Dean, and started dating Michael Corner, and Harry faded from the spotlight. Ron got sick of people accusing Ginny of being a slag, and started hexing people. Harry, being a good friend, helped to hold people down for that. As Ron had explained, and Dean had acknowledged, they'd been to Hogsmeade twice, held hands and kissed a bit. Harry felt… fairly jealous of that.

"My mum'd gut me with the machete she keeps for home defence if I messed a girl around" admitted Dean "And I've got four sisters. They'd beat me black and blue." Seamus rolled his eyes "That's what's so great about Hogwarts. Me mam doesn't know what happens here."

"None of them witches?" asked Ron. Dean shook his head "Technically they're half sisters, my dad went missing in the late seventies. He told mum he had to hide, that people were after him."

-==0==-

Of course, thought Harry as he took Luna to his second Slug Club meeting, the problem was that until he got Slughorn's true memory of what Tom Riddle had asked, he was just going to have to go to Slug Club meetings.

As Professor Slughorn greeted him very … familiarly "Harry, my dear boy, such a great collection of guests this time..." Harry tried to scan the room for people he recognised. He didn't see any sign of Worple or Sanguini; which was good really. Sanguini had been a little scary later in the night.

And there were these… slightly odd twin girls Harry might have seen once, in green dresses, looking at everything with big eyes and large noses. They looked like third years or something.

Slughorn dragged Harry around to literally every single guest attending. It took hours, and even though he'd had a foul hangover from the last Slug Club meeting, Harry was starting to think about firewhiskey – lots of firewhiskey.

There'd been Annabeth Fawley, a fairly pretty chaser with the Harpies, all in purple with heart-shaped pink sunglasses on, with her arm around the waist of a gorgeous blue-black haired Russian witch called Dafna, whose blue eyes, Harry was pretty sure, bored straight into his soul via his bits. Dafna had looked at him, smiled politely, then nuzzled Annabeth's neck in a way that had Harry imagining them snogging, and he felt distinctly uncomfortable. Uncle Vernon would have gone utterly mental. Which was stupid, because it was perfectly natural… and extremely hot. Harry was so glad his robes covered things.

"What does Miss um Dafna do?" asked Harry. The witch winked at Harry – he was sure his heart stopped, and she said in heavily accented English "I am lingerie model, da?"

Harry looked at Professor Slughorn, who'd gone very pale and looked like he was about to faint…

"Well, we'd better be moving along" said Slughorn, and as they moved off, Harry was sure he heard a woman chuckling. He suspected Dafna was not, in fact a Lingerie model, but that Slughorn's imagination had nearly stopped the old wizard's heart. Harry felt pleased. He was being dragged around like a prize crup, he could at least enjoy himself.

The most interesting person Harry met was the inventor of the pocket Sneakascope; Harry had happily recounted that he had one, and was very pleased with it.

The gruelling social event continued long past the point Harry's eyes had started to glaze over.

Harry sneaked into the darkest corner- different this time as Slughorn obviously decorated differently every meeting, and sat on an overstuffed armchair. Obviously, he wished he had a drink.

"Potter" said a familiar voice, and Daphne Greengrass, in a blue dress, with her hair up in a black clip, sat down, holding drinks, Harry looked over and, she silently handed him a glass.

"You've done well. Did Professor Slughorn really take you to talk to every single guest?" she asked.

Harry sipped butterbeer. He licked his lips "Every last one. Not including you." he added.

"He knows we know each other. Sluggy wanted to tell me when I arrive how glad he was that we were making friends across house lines" said Daphne, sipping.

"Hangovers. We made hangovers across house lines" said Harry, watching the room. Hermione wasn't here to avoid McLaggan, but he did see Luna with a notebook, talking to Annabeth and Dafna. She was making notes.

"Is Lovegood interviewing people for that mad magazine of her fathers?" asked Daphne.

"I suspect so" said Harry cheerily "At least these people exist."

"There's some really weird stuff in the Quibbler," Daphne added. Harry nodded distractedly.

"On the lookout for threats?" asked Daphne.

"Yes" said Harry bluntly.

"I talked Tracey out of coming to hex you" said Daphne apologetically.

Harry turned to face the girl "For what?" he snapped, "I helped you back to dorms when you got plastered."

"That is what I said. Tracey was worried you'd … tried to molest me" said Daphne.

"So you set her straight" said Harry. Daphne sighed "From her point of view, I went off to a boring meeting, came back shoeless, plastered leaning on a plastered bloke. Who got a kiss goodnight."

"On the cheek" quipped Harry, and to his glee, Greengrass blushed.

"Sorry" she said "Shouldn't have done that."

"It didn't kill me" Harry said. Greengrass waved her empty glass "Drinks – not Firewhiskey."

"But it makes the night pass faster" said Harry.

"And would cement my reputation as a hard-drinking hussy" said Greengrass, she paused till Harry took a sip then added, "My sister's convinced you're my secret boyfriend. As if." Harry snorted butterbeer out his nose, and Greengrass chuckled maliciously.

Harry wiped himself up with his now sodden handkerchief, and gave Daphne a number three glare. "Arse" he said. Greengrass smiled smugly.

Harry looked back out at the room and saw Dafna, the gorgeous Russian witch rubbing Annabeth's shoulders. He looked at his empty glass.

"She's the team physiotherapist" interrupted Daphne "Annabeth's on suspension, recovering from a bludger hit to the shoulder, and Dafna's trying to make sure she doesn't move her arms too much."

"And is her girlfriend" said Harry politely.

"Maybe" said Daphne "A witches choices are her own." she added primly.

The twin girls came over, and seeing nowhere to sit, sat on the broad arms of Daphne's chair.

"Flora, Hestia" said Daphne "You two should get back to bed long before the party ends."

"You're not our big sister" said one "We don't have one." in a reedy tone.

"Fancy a game of exploding snap" said the other one, getting up and snagging an end-table with dogs carved on the legs.

Harry grudgingly played a round of exploding snap with Daphne, Flora and Hestia.

"So would you rather play Patty-Cake with Daphne then" asked Hestia Carrow. Daphne Greengrass went red in the face. "Hestia!" she protested "It's not like that at all."

"Tracey says you've corrupted her thoroughly" said Flora "does it really hurt?"

"Daphne and I talk." said Harry.

"And you get her drunk and dragged her off to Slytherins' chamber of secrets and used her a virgin sacrifice" said Hestia nodding.

"No" croaked Harry, half-dead from embarrassment, "Nothing like that." He could feel the burning on his face.

"I thought he'd gone off to snog a girl" said Daphne "But it was more pathetic than that." Harry felt slighted by that.

"Is he gay, could he take us shopping?" asked Flora, audibly perking up.

"What have you two been drinking?" asked Daphne. Flora and Hestia tried to look innocent.

Daphne half stood and sniffed Flora. "Firewhiskey. You're fourteen. You shouldn't drink Firewhiskey."

"He's not gay, you two have had far too much to drink, you're going back to dorms" said Daphne, standing up. Harry was vaguely amused by that, then Flora said "Merlin's beard."

Harry followed her eyeline to see Annabeth and Dafna snogging against one of the walls, with hands going up skirts.

"Right" said Harry, wanting to watch, but knowing it was rude to stare, so he stood up and with Daphne, herded a pair of young twins out of the party, into the hallway, and immediately started heading towards the Slytherin common room.

"He's a Gryffindor, you showed him where our common room is Daphne!" said Flora loudly.

"I already knew where it was, come on, before a prefect finds you drunk and gives you detention" said Harry, feeling quite responsible.

"It's not true is it, Harry Potter's no fun at all" complained Hestia. Harry rolled his eyes, and he and Daphne got the drunk twins into the common room.

Daphne opened the door.

Harry turned around to leave.

"Hey, Potter" said Daphne "We got out without embarrassing ourselves, and stopped these two from getting detention."

"There were Lesbians!" declared Flora loudly to a little brown-haired girl.

Harry fled. And Tracey Davis didn't even try to hex him.

Harry passed the entrance to Slughorns office, and wondered about going back in; there might be a chance to talk Slughorn around. 'And who knows what you might see' he thought to himself. Harry knocked, virtuously.

Slughorn was at the door almost immediately.

"Severus?" he asked, before the door was open and then blinked to see Harry.

"Ah Harry. You'd left." said Professor Slughorn.

"The Carrow twins needed to go back to dorms" said Harry. "Daphne Greengrass and I took them back before they got into too much trouble"

Slughorn was still blocking the doorway with his fat belly. "Ah yes" he said awkwardly "Things did get a little out of hand."

"Things"? Asked Harry.

"Someone spiked the firewhiskey with a potent… disinhibiting draught" said Slughorn "Poor Annabeth and her minder from the Harpies."

"Dafna" offered Harry. Slughorn nodded solemnly "Got everyone bezoars before it got too wild, but poor girl. That Lovegood girl you brought, she was interviewing people for the Quibbler; I hope that none of this evenings… misfortunes make it into print?"

"I'll go see her first thing tomorrow" said Harry. Slughorn looked at Harry sideways "You're a good boy. I can really see what Albus sees in you."

Harry sighed. There was no time like the present.

"Professor, Professor Dumbledore showed me the memory you gave him. We know it was tampered with. Please, I'm begging… tell me what he actually said?"

Slughorn looked at Harry and sighed "You'd have made a good Slytherin. And with your potions skills, you could easily have made the draught that caused this mess."

"But I didn't, and I wouldn't" said Harry, standing up straight "There has to be an end to him. You know something, he's after you anyway."

"Seven parts. Seven part soul" whispered Slughorn "Now, go and make sure that my catastrophe isn't in a special edition of the Quibbler."

Harry thought about the map, in his robe pocket.

"Right away, sir" said Harry, and Slughorn shut the door.

Harry ducked behind a suit of armour on the ground floor and opened up the map, tapping it.

Luna, Harry discovered was on the fourth floor. Weaving about.

Harry headed up as quickly as he could.

Puffing, he found Luna with a butterfly net, chasing fairies that must have got loose from Slughorn's decorations.

"Oh, It's Harry Potter" said Luna, lowering her net "Come to help me catch fairies? The castle's much too cold for them at this time of year."

"Um" said Harry. "Sure?"

Harry did help chase fairies into the butterfly net for a while, till he remembered he had a job to do for Slughorn.

"Um Luna, did you see anything… untoward at the party?" asked Harry.

"Well, there was a very large cake in the shape of a snollygoster" said Luna. Harry had no idea what one of those was, so he ignored that.

"About say, Annabeth or her friend Dafna?" asked Harry.

"Oh, that beautiful Russian witch" said Luna excitedly "I'm thinking about dying my hair. Her hair was so beautiful. And her eyes… " Luna sighed "It's silly, I know, but I wish I was interesting like her." Harry pointedly didn't mention that many girls tried hard to have dirty blonde hair, and her eyes, while a bit crazy sometimes, were a remarkable silvery colour. Then Harry remembered Dafna, and his bits tingled. Maybe Luna had a point, of a sort.

Luna sighed "Sadly I'll always just be my father's pumpkin" she said.

"Pumpkin?" asked Harry.

"We have vegetable nicknames in my family." said Luna "My mother was 'his needy little cumquat', Daddy's nickname was Daikon."

Harry tried not to blush.

"You see when a cumquat and daikon love each other very much, there's a pumpkin" said Luna. "That's me."

Harry tried not to blush, and decided to never repeat what his 'alternative' friend had just said. Though, considering what he now knew about her parents… she'd come out fairly normal really.

"Though it was very exciting when Ms Falwey's shoulder clonked. The average quidditch player takes 4.8 days to recover from a bludger hit to the shoulder and Ms Falwy's clear need for physiotherapy makes me thing the Harpies will be fielding a different chaser in their next match."

Harry eyed Luna, who'd just gone full-on sports reporter.

"Is that going in the quibbler?" asked Harry.

"Heavens no, we don't cover sports" said Luna cheerily. "Well. We summarise Hogwarts games, but that's all. The league games are controlled by the ear-mouse cabal."

"The ear-mouse cabal?" asked Harry, unable to control the urge to ask. He knew, before he asked it was going to lead to a weird explanation.

"The ear-mice get lodged in the players ears from the pressure of flying so fast" said Luna "They feed on popcorn from the stands, and jump into the air as players go past. The mice control the league games, so they can travel from pitch to pitch, travelling to meet foreign ear-mice and breed."

Harry nodded woodenly. Ear-mice.

"Of course the broom companies are in the pay of Fudge – they're concealing the Heliopath army by adding illusion charms, so players and joy-riders who fly over the Heliopath testing ranges don't see them." added Luna.

"Surely people would have seen Heliopath testing ranges some other way" asked Harry.

"The few people that see them, well, the Helipaths are responsible for some 'unexplained disappearances'" said Luna using air quotes, "And the Obliviators take care of the rest."

"So it's another ministry conspiracy" asked Harry.

"The same conspiracy Harry. The Heliopaths are Fudge's private army, the other major dark and secret power is the Rotfang conspiracy." said Luna, as if explaining to a small child.

Harry nodded. Slughorn's embarrassing party failure was safe, as Luna hadn't noticed.

"Luna, what were you doing before you left the party?" asked Harry.

"I was talking to Ludwig Bledsoe from Amalgamated Cauldrons and Trivets" said Luna "He's quite mad. He believes Percy Weasley's trying to ruin his life by over-regulating cauldron bottom thicknesses."

Harry smiled politely "see you" he said, and left before he got a wrackspurt, or whatever that was.

-==0==-

As Harry got back to the Gryffindor common room, he realised he needed to tell Professor Dumbledore what he'd learned. And didn't know the password to the office. He'd send a letter, Harry decided.

As he sat on his bed, his quill hovered over the parchment, Harry paused. Should he write it down? It was probably too secret for that.

Harry wrote a rather different letter to what he'd started out to; 'Headmaster, Have completed mission. Need to meet with you to tell you. H.J.P.'

He put his ink away, folded the letter up, sealed it, and checked the time; late but not impossibly so. Ron was apparently out with Lavender somewhere.

Harry took the letter, shoved it right down into his pocket, and headed downstairs. The common room was quietening down, it was nearly curfew, and Harry slipped out to go see Hedwig.

The owlery was cold at this time of night, and Harry used the light charm to find his way.

"Hedwig?" he called out, standing on owl droppings and owl pellets that crunched slightly.

"Aaaagh!" screamed a girl in the darkness.

Harry waved his wand, and increased the light output till he could see a fairly familiar tall blonde, holding a brown owl.

"Oh. It's you, Pratface," said Daphne Greengrass. "What are you doing here?"

"Sending a letter" said Harry, "Hedwig?" he called out again.

Greengrass tied on her letter, and the owl flew off, invisible as soon as she left the light Harry's wand was spreading.

"Why didn't you have your wand lit?" asked Harry.

"Because I was holding Beaky and tying a letter on, no spare hands." said Greengrass "What's so exciting you're sending a letter.?"

"Nothing that exciting" said Harry "Letter to Professor Dumbledore; I caught up with Professor Slughorn after dropping the Carrows off… the party got weird; someone spiked the firewhiskey with a disinhibiting draught."

"Wow" said Greengrass "Explains the snogging. So, snitching on Sluggy to Dumbledore?"

"A report, just what Slughorn said" said Harry "And what I saw."

"Lucky we stuck to butterbeer, eh?" said Greengrass, with a slight blush. Harry nodded "And I don't want a hangover like that again."

"Well no" said Greengeass. "I had to waste a vial of hangover potion on it."

"You've got hangover potion?" asked Harry enviously.

"You're a potions expert, you could make your own" said Daphne.

Harry thought about that for a few seconds. Would he actually ingest a potion he'd made himself?

"I suppose I could" admitted Harry. "You brew your own?"

"Pinched it a few vials full from the bottle in the medicine cabinet at home" said Daphne.

"Sod" said Harry lightly, "my only comfort what that you were suffering equally."

"There's always a bezoar" said Greengrass.

"They don't work for hangovers unless there's some poisoning involved." said Harry "Hangovers are mostly dehydration." Harry stopped to think "You're not in potions yet." he added.

"Slughorn will let me join once I pass a model exam on the last term's work" said Daphne "So, tutors."

"Who are you getting as a tutor?" asked Harry.

"Nott, but he's an arsehole and wants sexual favours. I'm paying in bloody galleons, thank you very much." said Daphne.

"Hmm" said Harry "Hermione got an O in potions, and won't ask for sexual favours."

"She's not gay?" asked Daphne "Everyone assumed she was either or… both of you two."

Harry closed his eyes to block that out, "Hedwig?" he called out. He opened his eyes "No" he said "Hermione and Ron fancied each other, neither would talk to the other, and then Ron started dating Lavender. End of story."

"That sounds awkward" said Greengrass.

"It is. Not helped by gross slurping sounds from Ron and Lavender in the common room." said Harry.

"They're not… in public?" said Greengrass "Gryffindors are awful."

"Snogging" said Harry, rolling his eyes.

"Oh. Yuck" said Greengrass "Even that sort of thing is inappropriate; the first years would see."

"And hear" said Harry.

"Would Granger actually tutor potions?" asked Greengrass.

"Find her in the library and ask" said Harry, scratching the back of his head "She can be a bit paranoid. She read me her essay on all the ways Harry Potter could be attacked or used by girls at Hogwarts."

"So she fancies you?" asked Greengrass. Harry froze, and wanted to wash his brain out. A good stiff drink of Firewhiskey not laced with something horrid.

"No" said Harry. "She's worried I'd do something stupid, like sign a contact, get married, be led off the grounds into a trap, be poisoned by poisoned wine, poisoned food, poisoned lipgloss… oh and gold-diggers."

"Granger thought up a huge list of ways you could be trapped by your hormones?" asked Greengrass. "She's thorough, I'll give her that." A slight nod from Greengrass.

Harry shrugged, and called out "Hedwig?" again.

"Though, that sort of imagination, makes you wonder if little miss goody-goody prefect's not got a dark side to her" said Daphne.

Harry frowned "Wonder? No. I've known her for years. You do not want to annoy her."

"And Malfoy?" asked Greengrass, eyebrows up.

"She smacked him in the face years ago. He's all talk." said Harry. "She won't try anything on with Pansy because … well there's always seven of you."

"You make it sound like Granger's going to hunt Pansy down after school" said Greengrass.

"I expect she won't" said Harry. "I'm on Voldemort's shit list, she's my best friend… we're not thinking about the little stuff any more. Well, Hermione's still worried about her marks, obviously."

"If things are going to get worse, leaving Britain would be a good idea" said Greengrass.

"Can't." said Harry, and he stopped himself "Can't say why, but no. I'm here till the end."

Greengrass stared at him fixedly, "Potter, the way you say that doesn't sound healthy."

Harry laughed – a trifle manically. Not healthy was a polite euphemism.

"You're bonkers Potter "said Greengrass. Harry suspected she was right.

Hedwig swooped down and landed on next to Harry, and swivelled her head to stare intently at Greengrass.

"Good to see you too Hedwig" said Harry, and she briefly turned to stare at him, gave a short "prek!" and went back to staring at Greengrass. Who was looking sort of diagonally at Hedwig.

"Your very beautiful owl is glaring at me" said Greengrass "Is she a trained attack owl or something?"

"Not trained as such" said Harry, glossing over some 'behavioural issues.' "Hedwig" Harry said softly "Daphne's a… friend."

"We're friends now?" asked Greengrass.

Hedwig stuck out a leg. "Prek" she barked curtly.

Harry looked over at Greengrass, who seemed to be having trouble holding a giggle in.

Harry tied on his letter and whispered to Hedwig "Professor Dumbledore."

Hedwig stood upright and partly opened her wings, then lifted them still higher, posing wingtips up like the Gryphon on the headmasters' doorway, then she lowered her wings, gave a leap and flap and was off like a white ghost into the darkness.

The other owls started making small sounds.

"Knows how to make an exit, doesn't she" said Greengrass "I think she doesn't like me."

Harry shook his head "If she didn't like you, she'd peck you." he said. "Hedwig's… she's got a lot of attitude."

"So I'm on her good side, lucky me" said Greengrass.

"Um I dunno" admitted Harry "I've never seen her do the thing with her wings before."

"See you later Potter "said Greengrass, and she lit her wand and left the owlery.

Harry stood next to the wall and waited in the small pool of light. He'd never seen Hedwig do that thing, still, he didn't have to take Greengrass to Madam Pomfrey for lacerations. That would have been embarrassing, and like poor old Buckbeak, Hedwig … Harry closed his eyelids tightly and didn't think about Hedwig, beautiful Hedwig with her head chopped off.

-==0==-

Harry's received a letter a few days alter, a fancy, ornate invite to a Slug Club party. Harry looked at it over kippers. He didn't have to go. He looked over at the high table where Professor Slughorn caught his eyes and smiled. Cripes. Harry saw more Slug club invites landing; at the Slytherin table, and saw Greengrass open one. She looked straight over at Harry and mouthed "Help."

Harry rolled his eyes.

Harry tucked the invite away and Ron asked "So mate, what's that?"

"Slug Club invite again" said Harry "I'll think about it."

"But you hate those parties" interjected Hermione.

"And If I don't go… last time I saved some people from… well it was a disaster." said Harry.

"A disaster?" asked Hermione.

"Can't talk about it" said Harry.

-==0==-

The third Slug club party was worse, in a way. Harry kept expecting something bad to happen.

What did happen was one of the twenty-something witches there stroking Harry's upper arm in a way that made Harry feel sick. He had a sudden memory of Sluggies last party, the disinhibiting draught. Oh no, thought Harry. Seeing Annabeth and Dafne snogging had been… well it certainty gave a growing boy things to think about in the bathroom, but… that was someone else. This was … Harry didn't fancy Olga Hemswitch, and wished someone would save him.

"Harry!" said Daphne Greengrass far too loudly, and she pushed in, seized Harry's hand and dragged him out of Olga's grip.

Harry was dragged onto the dance floor and Greengrass held him in a … a … Harry put his hand nervously on Greengrass's hip and they danced.

"You didn't look very happy" said Greengrass quietly. Harry squeezed her hand in reply.

After a danced, Greengrass retreated to the corner chairs, where there was a partly eaten plate of crackers with stuff on them. Greengrass pointed to the end chair and Harry sat down.

"Thanks" said Harry, and tried not to shiver.

"That was horrible, but I owed you" said Greengrass "Harry, did you tell her to stop?"

Harry felt his face flush, and he stared at the floor "Um no" he mumbled.

"You didn't like it did you?" asked Greengrass.

"Ugh no" said Harry, shivering.

"Potter, do you even know what boundaries are?" asked Greengrass.

"What, the edges of things." said Harry, confused.

"Your boundaries, Potter" said Greengrass "The edges of you. You didn't want her touching your arm – that's out of boundaries, you say something like 'take your hand off me' That's all."

"Um" said Harry.

"Just like I don't want to get bitten by a vampire" said Greengrass.

"What about hands?" asked Harry.

"Imagine that some weird girl came up to you in the halls and held your hand" said Greengrass "If you don't want it, it's not okay."

"Is that why they call you – "started Harry.

"Flint and Pucey are creeps" interrupted Greengrass firmly. "Blaise is not much better. And that nickname's abusive. Do you like your nicknames?"

"No" said Harry quietly, and he looked up "The Chosen one business is shit. Ten out of ten would not recommend."

Greengrass didn't manage to hold in a snort, and Harry looked over. She was half-smiling, half frowning. An expression, in fact a lot like Hermione had quite often, or even… Professor McGonagall.

Greeengrass rolled her eyes "Granger's a great tutor" she said "I'm really enjoying potions."

"Nott's not pleased" said Harry sarcastically.

"Boundaries Potter. Joking to a girl about sexual harassment is not funny. And making fun of his name is just mean" said Greengrass "But I am very pleased that I can tell him to go fuck himself."

Harry's eyes widened.

"Well I wouldn't wish him on anyone" said Greengrass cheerily. "How's the list from Granger? She mentioned she's added some more plots."

Harry rolled his eyes "Oh yeah, ancient cursed marriage contracts."

Greengrass, surprisingly frowned. "Those are horror stories to tell young pure-blood witches" said Greengrass "People like me. There hasn't been one found in over a century, but the fear is real."

"Yikes" said Harry, and he frowned "I'm the only Potter, that puts me at risk of them too doesn't it ?"

"Yes, but given that you-know-who may be back and coming for you, it's probably less of a risk" said Greengrass.

Harry nodded "That's a cheery thought" he said. "So… boundaries. It's a bit like quidditch really, isn't it?"

Greengrass for some reason covered her face with her hands "You're such a quidditch tragic" she said through her hands.

"Quidditch is great fun and … people respect my achievements" said Harry.

"You keep thinking that, and you'll peak at Hogwarts" said Greengrass sarcastically, lowering her hands "You're not pro-Quidditch good."

Harry frowned at Greengrass "They're adults who train all day. I do three sessions a week, there's no comparison. Syltherin's seeker can't beat me."

"Because he's incompetent, and the old one was Malfoy." said Greengrass.

"So boundaries" said Harry.

Greengrass nodded.

"But you kissed my cheek that night" said Harry.

"We were wasted, and Tracey clearly assumed the worst" said Greengrass, blushing "so a peck on the cheek – yes, not the best thing, but we're friends, it was forward yeah, but everyone assumed we'd been… you know. One peck like that, nobody thought we were together."

"Right" said Harry, and he thought about that. After a while he felt… itchy in his skin, his stomach hurt, he needed to say something "I don't like it when girls I hardly know kiss me, we weren't on a date" he said.

"Oh… you're starting to get about boundaries" said Greengrass "Fair enough. I'm sorry."

"Don't do it again" said Harry. "It's unnerving."

Greengrass frowned, "I never really thought one peck on the cheek could be unnerving" she said.

"I'm not used to it okay." said Harry. "Drop it."

"Yes!" said Greengrass "Boundaries. Well done Potter." She smiled at him.

-==0==-

Much later, on a Saturday afternoon after playing Hufflepuff at Quidditch.

Harry stood on the Quidditch pitch, listening to the Gryffindor stand roar with joy. He held his hand up, the snitch fluttering feebly. They'd won. The team had landed and Ginny Weasley, looking like some determined warrior queen, broom discarded, advanced towards Harry. Part of him found her… um… Ginny-ness very appealing. But she'd been dating Corner till recently, and Harry had hardly talked to her except about Quidditch this year. Her eyes were shining, her hair tousled and she licked her lips. Harry's stomach flip-flopped and the jealous feeling in his chest crowed. So why did Harry also feel a little like… this wasn't his choice. She was clearly coming to kiss him. And they hadn't even held hands before. It was like she was going to seize him like a trophy. And just like that, the excited feeling in his stomach was suddenly acid and tension. Ginny was only a foot away now. Harry leaned sideways and kissed her cheek. Ginny stopped dead still, like she was petrified.

"Couldn't have done it without you, co-captain" said Harry. Ginny blushed, and backed away slightly.

"Ah thanks" said Ginny, frowning and licking her lips at the same time.

"Well, lots of people to congratulate" said Harry, using his Slug-club trained skills.

As he shook the hands of the rest of the male team and kissed the blushing cheeks of the rest of the female team members, he remembered what Greengrass had said about boundaries. Harry didn't… didn't want to be owned. Ginny had come at him like… like he was pet or something.

Ginny left him alone at the party in the common room. Which was good, because Ron pulled him into a corner.

"So, you and my sister?" he asked.

"No" said Harry. "Why she thought she could just… barge over and kiss me" he added.

Ron opened his mouth then looked pained. "Probably just as well" he said "I think you dating Ginny would do my head in."

"If she'd led with, I dunno, going for walks, holding my hand, Hogsmeade, I think I would have grabbed her" said Harry.

Ron snorted. "Not romantic enough for you?" he said.

"Not everyone just wants a snog" said Harry.

"Oy. You're worse than Hermione." said Ron "You do like girls, the Cho thing didn't put you off?"

"Oh go get stuffed" said Harry.

-==0==-

Harry Potter spent a large part of nineteen ninety-eight on the run, spending his spare time pouring over spell books on the table in the tent, trying to learn some healing spells. When Ron had been so badly splinched and only Hermione new the spells to cast, Harry had felt useless, powerless, like a small boy locked in a cupboard with a dying friend called Alistair. Who might have been a spider, but it was the principle of the thing.

"What are you doing ?" asked Ron from the bunk bed.

"Learning healing spells so next time I can help you, not stand around like a git" said Harry, his eyes prickling.

"Thanks" said Ron quietly. "It's just… it all seems so hopeless."

"Take the locket off, it's my turn" said Harry.

"It's not yours till nightfall" said Ron sharply.

"I wish we could get rid of the bloody thing" said Harry, knocking the book off the table in anger. "Or put it somewhere where nobody could find it." he added.

"Well there's no such place" said Hermione sharply.

Harry sat up suddenly, like a gundog spotting a quail "But there is!" he said, blinking "The room of lost things."

"The what?" asked Hermione.

"The room of requirement, if you ask for a room to hide things… it's a vast room full of centuries of lost things and junk" said Harry "A locket this small would be impossible to find."

"Like a needle in a haystack" said Hermione.

"Harry" said Ron slowly "Have you hidden stuff there before?"

Harry blushed "The Princes potions text. Hermione was after it."

"Harry!" said Hermione loudly "Dangerous magical rooms are not a suitable hiding place for – " and she stopped and giggled. Harry and Ron stared at her.

"The room to hide things you can only find if you know about the Room of Requirement" said Hermione "That Professor Dumbledore didn't know about. That your father, Sirius Black and Mr Lupin never found. It's as mysterious as the Chamber of Secrets."

Hermione beamed at Harry and Ron.

"You know, if I was Voldy" said Ron "That's where I'd put a horcrux. Nobody'd find it even if they found the room. It could be anything."

"Nope." said Harry surely, Dumbledore had taught him a few things "Something of the founders, or personally significant to Tom."

"We should" said Hermione, rummaging in her beaded bag "Take a moment to think."

Ron sighed very loudly.

"We've got a horcrux." said Hermione.

"I've got a horcrux" said Ron.

"We've never tried spells for detecting really dark magic" said Hermione. "And we know this is one." she'd hauled a big black tome out of her tiny beaded bag and was rapidly skimming it.

"I still think we're doomed" said Ron. Harry got up and pulled on the locket's chain round Ron's neck.

Ron fought Harry for a bit, only giving in when Harry said "Ron. We're putting it on the table so Hermione can cast some complicated spell on it."

"If we'd brought a dark detector, we wouldn't have this problem" said Ron bitterly.

"But we don't" said Hermione.

"Mad-Eye had them" said Harry.

"They'd be buggered though, Barty Crouch Junior would have broken them" said Ron.

"Why?"

"If I was an evil wizard pretending to be good, that's what I'd do" said Ron, depositing the locket horcrux on the table. "Obvious innit."

"How do you even think like that!" said Hermione angrily.

"I just think, what would the twins do" said Ron matter-of-factly. "Sneakiest people I know."

Hermione found a dark-magic detection spell and started learning it.

"No, Professor Granger, this is a class lesson" said Harry.

"What?" asked Hermione.

"We all need to know it." said Harry.

"But I'm…" started Hermione.

"Humour us" said Harry.

Hermione got it first, hours later, and the locket glowed with a sickly black-purple light for a moment.

And for some reason, Ron and Hermione went pale and stared at Harry.

"What?" asked Harry.

"Your scar. It's dark" said Hermione.

"Course it is. Its dark curse residue" said Harry.

Hermione looked very thoughtful, screwing her face sideways and started pulling up her jersey.

"Steady on!" said Harry.

Hermione pulled her jersey and shirt up till her waist was exposed, where a purple scar ran down her body. "Dark curse" she said. "Dolohov."

"You're all thin. I can see your ribs." said Ron.

"Stop perving her and help me try to cast the spell" said Harry.

With pronunciation advice from Hermione, Ron got the spell, and the locket glowed.

"Shit" said Hermione, her scar not glowing.

"What" said Harry.

"Oh fuck" said Ron. "He'd made lots of horcruxes, right. Tore his soul often."

Harry nodded, confused. Hermione tucked her shirt in and pulled down her jumper.

"And then murdered your dad, then your mum" said Ron.

Hermione, looking pale and sounding shaky, wringing her hands, said "Tearing his soul. Which, when he tried to kill you, your mother's protection saved you… but…"

"He tore a bit off his soul" said Ron, and Ron burst into tears.

Hermione started crying, and it hit Harry like a lorry. 'Oh. This was why Professor Dumbledore avoided him, why Snape was the one to teach him occulamancy. Why… Dumbledore had never talked to Harry about what Harry wanted to do after school, after the war.'

"Well Fuck" said Harry. The wording of the engraving on that snitch 'I open at the close' was now horribly suggestive.

Harry tore off his jersey, and pulled off his shirt, not caring that Hermione could see his dirty vest, He grabbed his mokeskin pouch, and took out the snitch.

"You can't even see that till Harry picks it up" said Ron. "Amazing innit."

"Nobody'd know if things were in there." said Hermione. "We are idiots, aren't we?" she asked.

"Well, I dunno about you, said Ron grandly, "but you've called us idiots plenty."

Hermione picked up the locket and pushed it towards Harry "Put it in the mokeskin pouch." she ordered.

Harry did, and scratched the back of his head, eyed the snitch on the table.

He picked it up, and touched it, felt it tingle just a little.
"Open?" asked Harry.

"WE' tried all the obvious passwords." said Ron.

"Well how will I know what to say when it's time?" said Harry ironically, and the snitch clicked open, and a stone dropped out onto the floor.

"No need" said Ron blandly, and Hermione started crying.

"I'm an idiot" she said "And Harry just opened a password locked – " she sniffled " – lock by complaining."

"Could be worse" said Ron, picking up the snitch and clicking it shut. He held it out towards Harry.

"Harry, try open in parseltounge at it ?" asked Ron.

Harry bent down and recovered the stone that had fallen out, a black pebble, a river pebble. He turned it over, and the other side had scratches on it. Harry stood and held it to his glasses. If you used your imagination, it looked like a triangle with a circle and a line inside it.

"Hallows mark on a stone" said Harry, lowering his hand "Seems a bit… unlikely doesn't it?"

"What?" asked Hermione.

Harry rolled the stone in his palm, till it was nearly at his fingertips. Suddenly the room got colder, and the ghostly figures of a young man and a young woman appeared. The young man had glasses and messy hair, and the young woman had a pensive look in her face.

Harry closed his hand, holding the stone still, and croaked out "Ron, Hermione, meet my mum and dad."

Ron's face was so pale his freckles stood out like bloodstains on a sheet in a cupboard under the stairs.

"Oh hello" said Hermione in a shaky voice "Mr Potter, Mrs Potter."

"Oh Harry, what have you done?" asked Harry's mum, in a voice that definitely didn't belong on the earth.

Ron snorted.

"It's not my fault!" said Harry defensively.

His mum crossed her arms over her chest, but the effect was spoiled by his dad wrapping his arms around Harry's mum from behind and spinning her around in circles.

"My SON!" said ghostly form of Harry's dad in a hollowed out sound "MY SON has done the impossible."

"He's going to be insufferable" said Mrs Potter. "He's my son too. I did all the work, you only did your ten minutes."

"It was longer than ten" said Harry's dad.

"Twelve tops" said Harry's mum.

"Any way – my son's amazing" said Harry's dad.

"Harry we love you, come be with us" said his mum.

"We've missed you kiddo" said his dad.

After a minute or so of listening to mum and dad encourage him to die, Harry rolled the stone backwards.

"That's… unhelpful" said Harry, swallowing, "Was that even really them?"

"In the story of the three brothers" said Ron, swallowing, "The stone brings back the bloke's girlfriend, but she wants to be dead. He finally gives in to her wishes, then hangs himself."

"How is that a children's story?" exclaimed Hermione.

"It's an – wassit – alligator" said Ron "There are three brothers and they make three different choices, and the story shows you that the right choice was the third brother. He had a family then died once he was old. Something like greeting death like an old mate or something."

"What, slap on the back and a few butterbeers?" asked Harry. "That story's mental."

Hermione had a really annoyed look on her face.

Harry found it hard to care too much. He had a bigger problem.

-==0==-

Stuff Happened.

Some of the plans, might, in hindsight have had a few holes.

-==0==-

Harry stood in the front courtyard of Hogwarts, holding the hawthorn wand, looking at Tom, lying dead on the cobbles, a look of surprise on his face, the white wand in his slack hand.

"Accio white wand" cast Harry, and he caught the wand. It felt warm, like his first wand, but the heat flowed up his arm, filing him like he was a chocolate rabbit mould. Harry inhaled, and it was like he'd never breathed before. The air smelt of hot metal, dust and… something like perfume… that reminded him of Olivanders. He waved the Elder wand in his off-hand, and the dust and dirt on the cobbles skidded away from Harry. The warmth from the wand flowing up his arm throbbed slowly.

It was, Harry thought the most perfect wand he'd ever felt. He could change everything. The Death Eaters would - well the remaining ones would be like red caps with this wand. Then he could go after the old bigots in the ministry. He could make everything right. A bit of bloodshed, but… it would be so much better.

Harry stopped and stared at the wand in his hand. The unbeatable wand. The unbeatable wand that made you want to…. kill everyone that got in your way. The… Death Stick. He put that bloody thing away. The cloak was, he mused, as he started walking towards the doors into Hogwarts, the right choice.

-==0==-

Harry walked into the great hall, which wasn't looking very great. It was looking wrecked, and the tables, those that weren't smashed were being used as ad-hoc medical beds. A cluster of redheads, crying and sobbing and shrieking were gathered around a figure on the floor. Harry went to dodge right, but there was couple having a rest on the floor. Harry wiped his glasses on the increasingly filthy hem of his shirt, and put them back on. Oh. They weren't sleeping, it was Tonks and Remus. They looked like they were either deeply asleep with their eyes open, or dead. Harry felt a little guilty that he'd given Remus the 'Boundaries' talk, but it had helped the poor man avoid, the what would Hermiones list say? 'Blandishments' of Tonks. Harry eyed dead Tonks. She was little old for him, but Harry wouldn't have minded 'Tonk's blandishments,' no risk now. Harry looked up at the room full of people, and started making out DA members; cleaning his glasses had really helped.

"Oy, Potter" said a familiar voice, and he turned just in time to see Daphne Greengrass, sooty, her face streaked with tears, red-eyed, her hair tied back in a rough ponytail.

"Well done" she said, and darted in and kissed Harry on the cheek again. "Don't take on an entire army next time pratface." she said.

"Who have you lost?" Harry asked.

"I thought we'd all lost you" said Daphne "And just because I cried, Tracey got it into her head that I was in love with you or something stupid like that. We're friends that's all. And you'd better come back for eighth year. Sluggy's insufferable. He went down to Hogsmeade and led from there back in to attack the Death Eaters. Slug Club's going to be dreadful, all 'Don't mind my Order of Merlin, I got it leading the reinforcements at the Battle of Hogwarts.'

"How were you, and Tracey?" asked Harry.

"Sore feet. It's a long way to Hogsmeade and back with Sluggy" said Daphne. "Most of Slytherin got locked in the dungeons. Only fair, I can't imagine having to fight your own parents."

"Neither can I" said Harry drily. Ignore the blandishments of, yes, he could imagine that. Had done once already- he was against the odds, still alive.

Greengrass nodded "So. Slug Club, you're going, because I'll never escape now."

"But what if I don't want to go?" asked Harry.

"I'll drag you." said Greengrass "I'm not getting eaten by vampires or groped by creeps."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Hold it in pratface. And don't get a swelled head." said Daphne.

"Um, something about an unbeatable Dark Lord?" asked Harry, sarcastically.

"You beat him, ergo; not unbeatable." said Daphne. "And review that list of Granger's – the threats to Harry list. You're vulnerable right now."

"I'll be fine. Sod off Greengrass." said Harry tiredly, but with a grin.
She pointed an index finger at him "Slug club or so help me I'll take you myself" she threatened, and left to find, presumably her sister.

Harry found Kingsley and some Aurors, and helped organise to move Tom's body, to the veil of death in the Department of Mysteries, just in case. The monster kept coming back, well not this time.

Harry went 'home' to Grimmauld place having seen Tom's corpse go through the veil. That felt strangely like taking the bins out. Grimmauld place smelled mouldy, but it had walls and a roof, that was a good start.

-==0==-

Slughorn's invite arrived by owl before his Hogwarts letter.

Sluggy had added "OM -(2nd class) to his titles.

-==0==-

And Kingsley tried to get him to go to an awards ball thing. Harry stayed home behind his protective enchantments. Kinglsey came over a day later and presented the Order of Merlin, First class. It was a large gold medal on a green ribbon, and Harry never wanted to see it again.

-==0==-

Harry stood in the seventh year Gryffindor boys dorm room, rebuilt just last month, and smoothed down the collar of his stupid dress robes, and eyed his hair; which could stuff itself, in Harry's opinion. Harry was about the leave when Ron said "Um Harry, you forgot your bling."

"I did not forget my bling" said Harry "I am not wearing it. I will not wear it."

Ron dug in Harry's trunk, pulled out the pale green ribbon, with the large gold medal hanging from it. "Mate, it's an order of Merlin. You're going to the Slug club, you're wearing it."

"How did you get out of it" asked Harry.

"Detention with Filch" said Ron cheerily "Piece of cake to get this morning."

"You had a plan and didn't tell me" said Harry. Ron sarcastically scratched his chin.

"Look mate, you could get caught snogging in a broom cupboard, and you wouldn't get a detention. You're the guy. Harry Potter. The man who won."

"The man who got fined most of his inherited wealth by Gringotts" muttered Harry. "How'd you get detention anyway?"

"Snogging in Filch's favourite broom cupboard" said Ron cheerily.

"So – "

"Yup, Herms didn't want to go either!" said Ron, putting the light green ribbon over Harry's neck , and adjusting the Order of Merlin ,First Class on Harry's robe-fronts.

"I hate you" said Harry, not really meaning it.

"You'll get over it. Besides, the rumour is you secret girlfriend's going to be there" said Ron, lips twitching.

"I don't Have a secret girlfriend" said Harry "Those are Quibbler-grade stories."

"Greengrass – the Blonde one" said Ron "She kissed you on the cheek, end of the war."

"Come off it Ron" said Harry crossly, "If she was my girlfriend, surely she'd have snogged my face off? Or come to visit over summer? Talked to me at school? She's a mate that's all."

"Those are all good points" said Ron, "But you look constipated when you complain about it."

"Arse" said Harry, and went downstairs. Ron's smugness at being in a couple was really irritating.

Harry handed over his invite to the tall, dark haired wizard in Aurors robes, and entered Slughorns office where there was again, a Slug Club party.

Slughorn hugged him "Harry, my Best Friend!" said Sluggy, a bit drunk, wearing his Order of Merlin, Second Class. "Harry's here!"

Harry had a headache by the time he'd shaken every single right hand at the party, and heard a hundred stories. He retreated to the darkest corner, to find that seat taken, by a blonde witch in a purple dress.

"Pratface" said Daphne Greengrass, not moving "My feet are killing me, Nattersley tried to hit on me and every bloke's been looking down my top. I hate this dress too, in case you missed the implication."

Harry, still standing looked down and saw… her top stopped in two sort of pointy triangular bits and behind them were… white, rounded… boobs. His pants somehow got tighter. Harry sat quickly and didn't look over.

"Tongue locked?" she asked.

"Tired out" admitted Harry. "This is the first big party since I got the stupid medal."

"My glass is empty, and my feet hurt, get me a butterbeer, and get yourself something to eat. You look like shit," said Greengrass.

Harry levered himself to his feet and headed into the crowd, which stuck to him like mud. He tried to be polite as the went to the drinks table, but found himself becoming increasingly stiffly polite with people. For some reason, that seemed to work. Maybe, thought Harry that was why celebrities were the way they were.

He returned to his chair, holding two butterbeers and an entire platter of snacks. He sat it on a nearby chair, which he turned, and rested his feet on too.

Greengrass held out a hand for a drink, and Harry handed over a butterbeer.

They drank in unison.

Daphne sighed "Grandma thinks I need to dress more...adultly." she said, and stood up and twirled. "Bloody awful dress."

Harry had looked over in time to see the dress had no back at all, and was cut all the way to the um, bottom of the back and top of her bottom; which was covered by a tight layer of purple velvet.

"And it makes my arse look big" complained Greengrass, and she sat down.

Harry stared. His mate Daphne's dress did make her arse look big. But there had to be some excuse.

"It's because your waist is so tiny" said Harry "Looks big in comparison. It's not that big."

"I can't fit in Tracey's jeans. It's big." said Daphne.

Harry thought about Hermione's jeans. Daphne wouldn't fit in them either. Well, the waistband would fit, no problem.

"Pratface? She asked, and turned to look at Harry, who was stuck, mouth open. A slight trickle of drool built up in Harry's mouth, and he swallowed, not wanting to do a Roger Davis.

"I don't want to be Roger Davis" said Harry, and winced. He'd boned up chronically again. Bugger.

"Roger's a prat" said Daphne "He hit on me. I'm his little sisters friend. He's like… three years older than me. Obviously it's not that much when you're older… but I'm only eighteen."

"Sorry" said Harry as that went sideways.

"You would not believe how many people are like him" said Greengrass.

"Tell me at Hogsmeade" said Harry.

"What? Oh sure," said Daphne "So, what have you been up to?"

"Revision. Sixth year is two years ago." said Harry, and drank.

"Oh god, you've got brain damage from the killing curse you totally didn't survive again." said Daphne. Harry snorted and once again got butterbeer up his nose. She was a bloody menace at timing her remarks. And she smiled at his pain.

Harry left later, cheerily drunk, arm in arm with Daphne, trying to ignore the back of her dress, and took her to the Slytherin common room, and stopped

"Well it's been fun" said Harry.

"Fun, you hated the party." said Daphne.

"You've been fun" corrected Harry.

"Are you hitting on me?" asked Daphne.

"Um... " said Harry ,and he imagined kissing Daphne, holding her in his arms… her bare back. He felt his cheeks redden.

Daphne Greengrass's eyes widened – she didn't blush, but Harry suspected she was wearing makeup to cover her cheeks up.

Harry wondered how you um… manage this boundary-wise, and moved forward very slowly – Daphne didn't seem upset, but she looked almost thoughtful. As he got so close he could smell her perfume, she seemed to smile slightly. Harry kissed her on the cheek. It felt… warm. Her perfume wrapped around his nose. She smelt really nice, he decided, and stepped back a little.

"I will just say in my defence" said Harry "You're the first girl I've ever kissed."

Daphne Greengrass turned her head sideways a little and looked at Harry with a faint smile "No. Kisses on the cheek hardly count." Then she um, stood straight and – pursed her lips.

'Oh' thought Harry. 'That's how you do it,' and he leaned forward and very gently tentatively kissed Daphne Greengrass on the lips. They were softer than her cheek, and much warmer. And Harry decided that he needed to mention something important.

He pulled slightly out of the soft kiss and said "I'd like to do that again" and unexpectedly, Daphne Greengrass leaned forward and kissed his lips. And kept kissing. Harry felt her lips move softly against his, and suddenly realised why people did it. It felt good, really good. Even snogging seemed explicable now. He opened his mouth slightly and felt Daphne's lower lip – and… well dammit, Madam Pomfrey could heal him, he slipped his tongue out a tiny bit and licked her lip, which was even warmer than he remembered and tasted faintly of strawberries.

Daphne's shut her eyes. Harry gave her one last tiny lick and pulled back.

"We shouldn't snog in the hallway" said Daphne, licking her lips, which were obviously wetter and looked bigger all of a sudden.

"Um see you later?" asked Harry.

"It's quite later," she agreed. And didn't move to open the common room's secret door.

Harry nodded, and well, wondered about abandoned dungeon rooms. Those would be better for snogging in. If dark, and spiderwebby and creepy.

"I should go," he said. Daphne looked along the hallway. "There's a um… oh god. This is so embarrassing?"

"What?" asked Harry.

"We're not snogging in a dungeon room. They're gross" said Daphne. Harry nodded "I was thinking that. I should go."

"Before someone sees you" said Daphne.

Harry wondered why, obviously, not wanting to have it all over the Prophet. "Why?" he asked. "It's the publicity thing isn't it?"

Daphne nodded.

"We'll go somewhere muggle on Hogsmeade Saturday then?" asked Harry "Hermione can loan you clothes."

Daphne put her hands on her hips, "I won't fit in her clothes" she said.

"You'll be fine" said Harry "We can do shopping."

Daphne tilted her head "good. Your clothes are so naff."

"You have no muggle clothes" said Harry.

"I'm going to bed now" said Daphne. Not moving.

Harry leaned forward, recklessly wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck rather quickly and Harry felt her bare back. It was so warm and alive and… She opened her mouth a bit and Harry felt the urge to stick his tongue in – her mouth was warm and her tongue licked around his rather quickly. He felt a building urge to… do a lot more than snog his brand-new girlfriend. He let go and backed off a bit "I really have to go" he said uncomfortably. And realised Daphne's lipstick was a bit smudged. And she looked… slightly sultry. That was the word. Her eyes were darker, and she smiled softly "Sleep well" she said, and turned around the open the door. Her back was, Harry realised beautiful. And felt nice. Harry eyed her bum.

"Are you staring at my bum" asked Daphne.

"Yes" said Harry bluntly. "And your beautiful back." Daphne's bum wiggled –and she called out 'Sphignanometer' and the secret door started opening.

"Goodnight" said Harry, and Daphne turned her head to look over her shoulder -her back moved in an interesting way and her hair swayed "Goodnight." she said softly.

Harry went back upstairs slowly, all nine stories. He thought as we went. 'I kissed Daphne and it was good and she liked it and… I think we're going out now.'

-==0==-

A day or two later, early in the morning before breakfast, Harry came down to find Hermione reading. She got up and dragged him to the corner of the common room and cast Snape's privacy spell.

"You're going shopping with Daphne Greengrass. And she's borrowing my jeans and jumper?" she asked.

"Um. Yes" said Harry. Daphne had asked. Good on her.

"Do you really think my jeans will fit her?" asked Hermione. "She'll be cross when she works out you're doing it to perve her in muggle clothes."

"Um. Let me explain, beginning in fifth year." said Harry.

"She is not your secret girlfriend," said Hermione "We've had deep and meaningful conversations, and you are a friend. Aren't you?"

"Not as of last night. Chatted for hours recovering from a Slug Club meeting, went back to her common room and um." Harry blushed.

"Harry!"

"I kissed her," he said. "I've kissed a girl and asked her to Hogsmeade and everything."

Hermione's expression froze and she smiled slightly. "Oh… I thought you were going to say something else."

"Okay... some amateurish snogging but not for long" said Harry, blushing more. Hermione giggled at him.

You realise nobody knows who you are in the muggle world," said Hermione, "Two teenagers alone in a big city."

"And not being hounded by the press" said Harry. "Which was my point, but – your point is true."

"Not on the first date" said Hermione. Harry wanted to run away at that point. And Hermione looked quite smug, enjoying teasing him.

"Can this not be public knowledge?" asked Harry.

"I would suggest that as you can both apparate, and you own a house that you get clean bedding and lay on… protections at Grimmauld place" said Hermione.

"More spells?"

Hermione rolled her eyes "Buy some condoms. You don't know if she's taking the potion, and the condoms will keep."

Harry ran off, red-faced. Hermione was a monster.

-==0==-

Daphne Greengrass, ascended out of the staircase to the dungeons into the front hall of Hogwarts in a jumper and jeans. Harry tried not to stare. Those were… definitely Hermione's clothes, but Daphne suddenly looked less withcey and more like… an ordinary girl.

And they spent the later morning and afternoon walking around Edinburgh shopping, holding Daphne's hand. It rained on and off. They had fish and chips.

He kissed her before they apparated back to Hogsmeade separately.

It had been, thought Harry… great and he'd like to do it again

-==0==-

On Monday, the Daily Prophet had nothing about Harry in it. Harry felt very pleased. He looked over at the Slytherin table and caught Daphne's eye. She smiled at him briefly, and went back to eating.

"Did you go on a date on the weekend?" asked Ron.

"Not that anyone noticed" said Harry.

"We noticed" said Hermione.

The End.

-==0==-

[AN: What, you want to see about Harry's life? Sordid details? Maybe later.]