ACT 1:
"Panini, get in here at once! You have an assignment!" said Endive.
"Yes mam," said Panini clad in military garb.
"You are to send a message to a man known as Chowder!" ordered Endive, glancing over Panini's shoulder with an evil glare.
"Who's Chowder?" asked Panini.
"It doesn't matter my dear. Have you ever been in love with a man?" asked Endive.
"Well, it would probably depend on who he was. I mean if he was a little overweight, had a weird purple hat, and was really crazy and funny, and if he ran away at the sheer sight of me, yeah I'd be down for that!" replied Panini.
"You cannot refuse this order! You are to lure Chowder with the trap of cookies so we can get Mung's recipe for Fleef Strogaswoff!" shouted Endive, using a stick to point to a chart on the wall with a list of recipes.
"What if I refused?" asked Panini.
"You will leave this room with no supper!" replied Endive.
"NO SUPPER? That's terrible. Let me see the man's picture and dossier. Oh my gosh! He's PERFECT!" said Panini.
"Really?" asked Endive.
"Yes, this Chowder guy is like my ideal man!" said Panini, holding the picture close to her heart. She sent Chowder a
case of cookies.
"Yes, dear, it is a labor of love!" replied Endive.
"TRUE LOVE? WITH CHOWDER?" asked Panini.
"Whatever you do, you better not really fall in love with him. If Mung's company and mine get along then there's no more competition. Just...mushy gushy stuff, bleck!" said Endive.
"You'd have to cancel the assignment. I'm already in love!" said Panini walking out the door.
"WHAT?" shouted Endive. "Get back here, insolent one!" she added.
Later that day...
"Mung, I just got this weird package from a girl!" said Chowder.
"Chowder, you can't trust such a thing. It could be a trap" said Mung.
"I take a trap as a challenge," replied Chowder. "Besides I love cookies"
"You don't like girls though, right?" asked Mung.
"No. I just like cookies" replied Chowder.
"Chowder when a woman gives you cookies they are usually trying to get your secret recipes. I know from experience" said Mung.
"What if I just went to the location she gave me as a spy to stop any further attempted recipe thefts?" asked Chowder.
"I suppose you could do that. But be prepared for anything. You'll need this whisk. Use it to thwack any evil monsters who might be after our recipes" said Mung.
"What else do I need to know? Do I get a cool codename?" asked Chowder.
"Your codename is Chowder. New England Clam Chowder" replied Mung.
"The name's Chowder. New England Clam Chowder!" replied Chowder.
"Good boy, you'll do fine as a spy! But watch out for Shnitzel, he works for the opposition and is very fit and strong!" said Mung.
Chowder left the building. He saw a purple man who looked exactly like Mung, training a bunch of young apprentices for battle with spoons and spatulas.
"Hi, what's your name?" asked Chowder.
"I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION!" shouted the man who looked like Mung. Chowder hid himself under his hat.
"Sorry," said Chowder. "It's just that you look like Mung" he added.
"Me? I look like Mung? Well of course I look a little bit like him, I'm his brother. I'm starting my own apprentice school in that building over there!" said the purple man pointing to a building with a sign outside that read "SHMUNG'S WARRIOR/COOKING SCHOOL"
"Ohhh, I get it. You're Shmung, Mung's brother!" said Chowder.
"You got it little fuzz nickel!" replied Shmung. "What's your name?"
"My name? The name is Chowder. New England Clam Chowder!" said Chowder, putting on a British accent.
"New England Clam Chowder? That's a weird name. Anyway, let's go inside the school" said Shmung. Shmung took Chowder inside the training school. In it were many family crests and relics and treasures including gems, rubies, and sapphires.
"Wow, it's beautiful in here" said Chowder.
"Isn't it? This is all the work of my sons. All my apprentices are my sons" said Shmung.
"Wow, they're talented," said Chowder observing the gold plates mounted on the ceiling.
"Of course they are. I raised them!" said Shmung. Suddenly the entire room began shaking.
"What's that sound?" asked Chowder.
"It's a CAKE BOMB! LOOK OUT! We're all gonna be covered in delicious frosting" said Shmung.
"Why is that a bad thing? Sounds delicious!" said Chowder.
"It'll get all over the antiques!" yelled Shmung.
"OH NO! NOT THE ANTIQUES!" replied Chowder. The cake bomb exploded leaving everyone covered in frosting and a lone message in the middle.
HAHAHA. I did it.
Signed, Mung.
"MUNG DID THIS? I KNEW IT!" said Chowder.
"It isn't like Mung to do something like this!" said Shmung.
"You're right. It's more like...Endive! OH NO! MUNG AND ENDIVE ARE SOMEHOW THE SAME PERSON?" yelled Chowder.
"No. He'd never fit into a suit like that. It's got to be a trap set by Endive to make Mung look bad!" suggested Shmung.
"That's terrible," said Chowder, grabbing up all the remnants of cake frosting and sending it into his mouth.
"Yeah, and even worse, I don't know if we'll ever be able to stop eating this delicious frosting" said Shmung.
"I don't either. Hey, I just saw someone outside. This girl I saw in a photo. Her name is Panini, she wants to meet me and give me cookies!" said Chowder.
"Give you...cookies? Are you sure that's all she wants?" asked Shmung.
"Positively positive wise old freak!" said Chowder, racing out the door to confront Panini, who was holding an umbrella over her head, as it was raining.
ACT 2:
"HELLO, STRANGE ONE!" said Chowder.
"Hello, Chowder. Digging the enthusiasm. Did you get the cookies I sent you?" asked Panini.
"Yes, they were delicious. I want more of them. BRING ME THE COOKIES!" said Chowder.
"Well, we're gonna have to take things a little slower and steadier than that. First you have to smile!" said Panini.
"Smile? Why would I smile? OH MY GOSH I'M ON CAMERA? THAT'S AWESOME!" said Chowder.
"Oh gosh, why do I love idiots?" muttered Panini under her breath, putting her palm over her forehead. Shmung rushed over to rescue Chowder.
"Hurry Chowder, I have to take you to my secret underwater ancient city!" said Shmung.
"Why?" asked Chowder.
"We need to spy on the people who used that cake bomb" explained Shmung.
Shmung took Chowder to an underwater lair. They got into a rowboat and stopped when they hit a certain point where a telescope was seated near an entryway to
a secret room. Chowder and Shmung raced to the spy device and began using it.
"LOOK! The woman with the huge butt? That's Endive, head of operations for KEESH" said Shmung.
"KEESH? That sounds like a really evil organization. HEY, LOOK AT THAT PLATE OF COOKIES! IS THAT FOR ME?" asked Chowder.
"Chowder, get your mind off of Panini's cookies. There's more important things! She's using you to get the Fleef Stroffagoff recipe" said Shmung.
"I don't care...cookies! HErhahahaahaa!" laughed Chowder.
"You're not a very good secret agent are you?" said Shmung.
"No. I like cookies though" said Chowder.
"My word, Endive is fat. Even from this angle, things are shaping up horribly!" said Shmung.
That night...
Shmung invited Chowder to watch a cooking competition between two female apprentices.
"Wow, are those girls your sons too?" said Chowder.
"No, they're my daughters. I forgot to mention them. JUST WATCH THEM CHOWDER. Watch them! The girl who wins? You have to be kissed by her" said Shmung.
"Oh no. I don't wanna ruin their reputation!" said Chowder.
"You're a wuss aren't you? Seriously, you're too much of a wuss, you're not going to be one of my apprentices are you?" asked Shmung.
"Do they make cookies?" asked Chowder.
Later...
The two apprentices, green rabbits who looked like Panini decided to give Chowder plates of cookies instead of kissing him.
"Thanks!" said Chowder.
"Don't mention it!" said the two girls in unison. They left the room.
"CHOWDER! I found a horrible monster. He's got the recipe!" said Shmung. Chowder saw a huge grizzly half lion half dragon beast. It spewed fireballs at Chowder.
"OH NO! Take this you disgusting son of a shooshkabob!" said Chowder, batting back the fireballs into the lions mouth. The lion began seeing swirling stars and vomited out the recipe. Chowder grabbed the recipe and put it in a bottle.
"Now all ya gotta do is return that thing to Mung back in Marzipan Square. Get on that train over there!" said Shmung.
"I haven't even made reservations for a train!" protested Chowder.
"GET ON IT!" ordered Shmung. Chowder got on the train. He saw Panini there sitting on in one of the seats. Beautiful forests could be seen outside.
"Hi Chowder. Isn't the scenery romantic here?" asked Panini.
"I am not Chowder. I'm New England Clam Chowder. And you're Miss Summer MoneySpent! We're...married, gulp!" said Chowder.
"Summer Moneyspent….I LOVE that name" said Panini.
"Why? It's HORRIBLE!" said Chowder.
"You came up with it. Heehee!" said Panini.
"Oh, why are you looking at me like that?" asked Chowder.
"So we're married? DO WE HAVE KIDS? I want TEN BILLION!" said Panini.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Chowder.
As the train went further and further down the tracks, Chowder and Panini were about to retire to their rooms but Shnitzel
was standing in the way of them.
"Radda!" said Shnitzel.
"You're a secret agent TOO? You came to help out the cause?" asked Chowder.
"RADDA!" replied Shnitzel.
"Wow, you look really fit and strong. You wanna eat first? Sure let's go get a table!" said Chowder.
"Chowder, there's something weird about this! He just wants the recipe!" said Panini.
"You're right, but I'm so hungry! Let's just go eat!" said Chowder.
So Chowder, Panini, and Shnitzel made their way to a table.
"Radda radda!" said Shnitzel.
"Yes, Marzipan City IS beautiful. That's why we don't want it tampered with by the likes of YOU!" said Chowder. Panini tried to make Chowder calm down.
"Radda radda!" said Shnitzel.
"What do you mean I'm saying the wrong lines? And why are you built like a rock? Were you sent to kill me or do you just drive a Chevy or something?" said Chowder.
"RADDA!" yelled Shnitzel.
"You think I'm an old man? I AM YOUNG I TELL YOU!" said Chowder.
"RO. RADDA!" replied Shnitzel, pointing to Panini after waving something.
"What did you do with that wand? You cast a spell on Panini! Now she's asleep!" said Chowder.
"Radda!" said Shnitzel shrugging.
"Exhaustion? What a bunch of stroodle doodles! You did this!" said Chowder.
"Radda, radda radda!" said Shnitzel, backing away.
"I knew something was weird when you ordered bat wings WITHOUT barbecue sauce!" said Chowder.
Chowder picked up the table and threw it at Shnitzel but it broke into pieces. Shnitzel was really just that strong.
"You don't wanna mess with New England Clam Chowder!" said Chowder.
"RADDA? RAAAAADAAAA!" said Shnitzel cowering in fear under a table.
"Yes that IS who I am. Stay right there!" said Chowder.
Meanwhile in the audience:
Mung: OH MY GOSH THAT WAS THE BEST FIGHT SCENE I'VE EVER SEEN!
Truffles: Certainly leaves a lot to the imagination!
Chowder raced to Panini.
"What did he do to you?" asked Chowder.
"It was...all a setup. By me. I wanted you to kiss me! KISS ME!" said Panini. Chowder reluctantly gave Panini a quick kiss on the cheek. She blushed.
"I knew it. You really do love me" said Panini.
"Yes, I mean, no. I like cookies though" replied Chowder. Chowder then heard a bunch of pots and pans spilling. He checked the chefs room. Everything was a mess. Chowder came back to Panini's side.
"There's a mess in the kitchen! DID YOU DO THAT TOO? Also the cakes ATE each other. It's YOUR DOING, DEMON LADY!" said Chowder.
"No, stop it Chowder, you're being mean! Why can't we just cuddle and ask a stork for a baby?" said Panini.
"You will pay!" said Chowder pouring maple syrup all over Panini.
"Now my dress is ruined. CHOWDER WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? I didn't do that. Shnitzel did!" said Panini.
"Girls just wanna have fun huh? Mung told me they want a whole lot more than that!" said Chowder.
"REALLY CHOWDER, I'M INNOCENT!" shouted Panini. "And Mung has issues!" she added.
"Oh. Well let's go get you a new dress then!" said Chowder.
Later...…..
"That new dress looks good on you Panini" said Chowder.
"You're just saying that cuz it has cookies on it" said Panini.
"Well...yes!" replied Chowder. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Panini jumped into Chowder's arms.
"Oh, New England Clam Chowder. Protect me!" said Panini.
"Yes, I will protect you. But only cuz I like your dress" said Chowder.
"What? Who put that line in there?" said Panini. The door opened, and there was Endive, angry as could be.
"Let me handle this, girlfriend!" said Chowder.
"I'm NOT YOUR...wait did you just call me your girlfriend?" asked Panini, confused.
"Panini you traitor! I will dispose of you and your boyfriend" said Endive.
"That's what you think! CUZ I'M NOT HER BOYFRIEND! And no one goes near my non-girlfriend but ME!" said Chowder tossing a bowl of soup at Endive.
"WHAAAAT? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT SOUP? HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS MY WEAKNESS? UGH!" said Endive as she saw swirling stars and collapsed.
"I don't think she likes soup very much" said Chowder.
"You're funny!" replied Panini.
One day later...
Chowder and Panini are in a boat together in the ocean.
"Oh Chowder, it's so romantic. Just you and me and the waters of the Earth? It's like a beautiful dream" said Panini, stuffing cookies in Chowder's mouth against his will.
"YES. AND I'M STUCK IN IT FOREVER. JUST...JUST...FOREVER!" said Chowder.
The End