1500 years had passed, and finally Arthur had returned to life.
He was the first one back.
There was much confusion, angst, and grief, but Merlin was there to help Arthur through it all.
Though the curly haired man seemed much changed, he had never once stopped being there for Arthur.
About two weeks after Arthur came back, the others started to join.
First Lancelot, then Elyan, then Gwaine, Percival, Leon, and finally, Gwen.
The first night Gwen came back, Arthur was ecstatic. Unfortunately, she didn't share the same excitement. Of course, she was happy to see Arthur again, but the pain of having lost him was too much to bear.
She couldn't be with him again.
The third night, Gwen woke Arthur up in a panic.
"Arthur. Arthur!"
Arthur's mind jolted awake, but his body stayed in the exact same position.
"Hmm?" he said, sneaking a glance at the clock, only to find out it was 4:23 in the morning.
"He's cleaning the bathroom?"
He?
Arthur's still sleep-muddled mind couldn't figure it out.
"Who?" "Merlin." "So?"
Arthur didn't really see a problem with it. He knew Merlin had been...different lately, and if he wanted to clean his toilet at an ungodly hour in the morning, that was his choice.
Arthur heard movement coming from Gwen, but his eyes refused to open again.
"He's cleaning all the bathrooms."
Arthur's eyes snapped open.
Merlin had a big house, a mansion, as they're called today. The amount of bathrooms in the estate called for at least 4 cleaners. He knew Merlin cleaned a lot, but this seemed a bit much.
"Lancelot and Gwaine said he's been cleaning non- stop. It used to just be in the day, but it's worse now. Merlin's gotten almost no sleep the past three nights. They've tried to talk to him, but he's just..."
Gwen placed a hand over her mouth. "I'm worried. I've never seen him like this."
Arthur had to admit, he was worried too. Something was wrong with Merlin, and he intended to fix it.
"Alright, I'll go talk to him."
"He's in the bathroom around the hall."
Arthur got up from his warm, comfy sheets, and walked out his door.
As he got closer to the bathroom door, the smell of cleaner became so strong he almost coughed. Very, very faintly, he heard someone muttering under their breath. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but he knew it was Merlin.
He opened the bathroom door and saw Merlin hunched over the bathtub, a bucket of water next to him and a sponge in his hand.
Gods...
This was not normal. For anybody. The bathroom was so clean it quite literally sparkled. Which in this case was wholly unnecessary, because the bathroom wasn't even dirty before Merlin had begun cleaning it. In fact, now that Arthur thought about it, he had never once seen a single dirty room in the entire house. He had never needed to ask Merlin to do his laundry, or put his clothes away, or make him food. It had always just been done.
Merlin was so concentrated on his cleaning, Arthur thought he might scare Merlin if he was too loud.
"Hey there," he said, trying to announce his presence with an amiable greeting.
Merlin tilted his head up towards Arthur.
"Hi," he replied, not once stopping his cleaning.
"Hi," Arthur said back.
He can't stop for just two seconds?
"Why are you cleaning the bathrooms?" Arthur asked softly.
Merlin looked up again.
Arthur has seen many things in his life, but the look in Merlin's eyes right then was by far the scariest.
"I clean. That's what I do. I did all the cooking and the cleaning back in Camelot."
Arthur furrowed his brows.
This was a completely different place- a different time. Merlin was no longer a servant required to clean up after Arthur. Arthur could manage just fine on his own. And Merlin had the money to pay as many people as he needed to clean the house. He didn't have to do everything himself. Arthur was actually surprised Merlin had managed to do everything himself.
"You don't have to do any of that here."
Merlin's hand froze. He looked up at Arthur with such hurt in his eyes, Arthur felt something inside him shatter.
"I thought you said this was the only way to earn your love."
Arthur's heart stopped.
Had he really told Merlin that?
He'd like to believe that he didn't but...
He had said some really terrible things to Merlin. He couldn't even remember them.
But Merlin, it seemed, remembered them all.
Every single thing Arthur had ever said to him.
Idiot. Honestly Merlin, is there anything you can do? You really are a total buffoon! You couldn't keep a secret if your life depended on it. You can not trust a single word a sorcerer says, you'd do well to remember that. I know you have no talents. It is once again clear to me that those who practice magic are evil and dangerous. You're a fool. Shut up, Merlin. You're the worst servant in the five kingdoms.
Arthur knew that only scraped the surface of what he said. He knew he had been much more hurtful with some of his words.
And the fact that he couldn't remember them made it even worse.
Merlin had done nothing but remember those words for 1500 years. Alone. With no one there to tell him Arthur didn't actually mean them.
Merlin had saved Arthur's life more times than either of them cared to count. Merlin had sacrificed everything that he was, everything that he had, and all Arthur gave him in return was heartbreak. He could only ever remember thanking Merlin once, and that was while he lay dying in the man's arms.
Arthur had hurt Merlin in his life, and ruined Merlin with his death.
How does he apologize for that? Can he even apologize for that?
Arthur crouched down next to Merlin, and put his hands over the shaking hands of his best friend.
'Merlin..." Arthur felt a lump in his throat. He had never been good with words. "I...I'm sorry."
Merlin's lips parted.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Sire."
Arthur looked into Merlin's shattered blue eyes.
"I have everything to be sorry for."
Merlin just looked confused. He tried to pull away to continue cleaning, but Arthur wouldn't let him.
"Merlin, I don't think I've ever told you this, which is my fault. I should have." Arthur took a shaky breath in. "You're my closest friend. I know I've said nothing but harsh words to you, but I swear, I don't mean them. I get angry a lot, and I don't know what to do with all of the anger, so it just...seeps out sometimes. And I'm so, so sorry you're the one who feels it. I never wanted to hurt you, Merlin. I promise."
"I know that."
"But it doesn't matter that I didn't mean to hurt you, because I still hurt you." Arthur let out a humorless laugh. "All the times I've had to stop myself from running a person through with my sword just because they hurt you, and I was the one doing the most damage all this time."
Merlin's breathing started to quicken.
"Arthur, it's okay. I promise."
"No, Merlin, it's not okay!" Arthur yelled.
He just had a whole conversation about not wanting to hurt Merlin, and he immediately yelled.
Arthur looked to the ground, fighting off tears of anger, and despair.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout. I just want you to know that no matter what I said or did, and no matter what I will say or do, you will always be my closest friend. You don't need to work to keep that position. You don't need to overcompensate by cleaning. You just need to be you. You just need to be Merlin. Can you do that?"
Arthur didn't think he had ever spoken so gently before in his entire life. He wasn't sure he could do it again if someone asked him to.
"Just...just Merlin?"
"Yes, just Merlin."
Merlin scrunched his eyebrows. "No cleaning?"
"No, you don't need to clean." "But..."
"Merlin,"
"Shut up?"
Arthur felt his gut twist.
"No, you don't need to. You can talk as much as you want, I don't mind. I've never minded. But for right now why don't you put the sponge down, and go get some sleep?"
Merlin blinked. "Sleep?"
"Yes, sleep. I heard you haven't slept much these past few days."
"I haven't slept at all."
Arthur felt a tear fall from his eye. He quickly brushed it away.
Weak, some part of him thought. But the other part of him thought, it's just Merlin. He won't think you're weak.
"Come on, let's get you to bed." "I'm almost done-"
"Bed."
"But the bucket-"
"Sleep."
Merlin bit down on his bottom lip, seemingly estimating the pros and cons of leaving this bathroom "unfinished."
"Merlin, you don't need to work for me to like you. Just rest."
Arthur could tell Merlin was still debating it in his head. Arthur stood up, taking Merlin with him.
"Come on, Merlin. I'm going to go to sleep. I need you to come with me."
Arthur felt guilty ordering Merlin around, but if it was the only way he could get Merlin to sleep, he would. He walked towards his bedroom, keeping one hand on Merlin's.
"And do what?"
"Just sleep, Merlin. That's all you have to do."
"Right. I'm sorry. I forgot."
"Merlin, you have nothing to apologize for."
"I'll do better in the future."
"You don't need to be better. I think you're perfectly adequate just as you are."
'But-"
"Ah, here we are."
Merlin's eyebrows raised so high, Arthur was afraid they might fly off.
"This is your room!"
"I know. I want you to sleep next to me."
"Why?"
Because I need to make sure you're okay.
"Because I said so."
Merlin nodded like this was a perfectly valid reason.
Arthur climbed back under his sheets, and Merlin joined him.
"Goodnight, Arthur."
"Goodnight, Merlin."
I swear, I will do better. I won't hurt you ever again. I'll make up for everything I ever said, or did that hurt you. I'll be better.
And with that silent vow, Merlin and Arthur drifted off to sleep.