After the strategy meeting, Wei WuXian found Nie HuaSang. Nie HuaiSang found wine. And both boys found a convenient rooftop to hide out on. On the way to finding his friend, Wei WuXian had been accosted by a bold dairy maid who was more than willing to exchange a few kisses for a bottle of milk. Wei WuXian escaped with his virtue intact and not altogether sure if he should have….. "A'Sang… have you ever kissed a girl?" he said staring into an empty jug of wine. "I haven't. But I almost did earlier."

Nie HuaiSang giggled into his own jug. "Not yet. I was getting ready to kiss one girl when DaGe walked by and she ran away. It must be nice not having a scary older brother…."

Wei WuXian grabbed another jug and took a few slugs. "I didn't have a scary older brother…. I had it worse."

"Who can possibly be scarier than DaGe?"

"Lan Zhan." Wei WuXian sighed while his friend shuddered in agreement. "She was pressing me against the wall and trying to pull me down for a kiss. And he just said 'shameless' in that voice of his, and she squeaked like a mouse and ran off." He flopped onto his back and rolled from side to side, taking care to keep the wine upright. "I've never been that close to a girl before. Except for ShiJie, but she doesn't count like that. She was all… soft and squishy…. Like a pillow, but softer. It felt really nice." He turned on his side and gulped down a healthy amount of wine. "I'll bet kissing her would have felt really nice, too. Her lips looked so pretty…."

Nie HuaiSang rolled onto his side to face his friend. "WeiXiong," he stated grandly. "Let's have a pact. The first one to kiss a girl has to tell the other what it's like. Or maybe we should just kiss each other so we find out at the same time."

"Don't be silly," Wei WuXian laughed. "Boys don't kiss boys."

"Of course they do," Nie HuaiSang insisted. "They're called cutsleeves. Come with me, I'll show you." It was more than slightly difficult to get themselves up and off the roof without breaking any bones, but they managed. They also managed to stay mostly upright on the way to the younger boy's room. Nie HuaiSang bent over, fell over, and, giggling hysterically at the state he was in, pulled out a book from the bottom of a stack. "Read this," he ordered.

Wei WuXian staggered back to his room, thankfully finding it empty except for the bunched up blankets on each bed. Odd… his roommate was usually neater than this. And in bed earlier than this. Maybe he was out on patrol? He shoved his chest in front of the door for privacy and pulled out the jars of wine he'd taken from the roof top. He shut the book about a quarter of the way through and shoved it under his pallet. "I am never going to be a cutsleeve," he told his wine. "Why would any man want to have that done to him?"

He was too hung over the next morning to care about the lump the book made in his bed. And too tired from sword practice that night to notice the lump was no longer there.

The following morning, he was shoving his fifth steamed bun in his mouth and chewing as loudly as one can chew a steamed bun when Nie HuaiSang joined him for breakfast. "WeiXiong, what are you doing?"

"Old Lan QiRen is staring daggers at me for being loud during meals. So I'm being as loud as possible since we're no longer in the Cloud Recesses and we can talk like normal people. Oh. By the way, does dreaming about being kissed count for our pact?"

"Dreaming? I wouldn't think so, why?"

"I just had this really vivid dream this morning, that's all. Like something soft and warm was brushing against my lips. And a little bit damp."

Nie HuaiSang started to giggle, then swallowed it seeing Lan QiRen's glare moved from his friend to him. "Did you wake up kissing your arm?" he asked quietly. "Cause I've done that a few times."

"No…" Wei WuXian dragged the word out while thinking. "I was lying on my back. Maybe a bug landed on my mouth."

"So what did it feel like in the dream? Was it as good as the books say it is?"

"It was… soft. Like a feather brushing up against them. But more substantial than a feather. It felt really nice… Not just on my mouth, though. It was kind of like I could feel it everywhere. I was just really glad my roommate was gone when I woke up. You know… I think my roommate must be a Lan. He's asleep long before I get there and awake long before I get up."

Nie HuaiSang dropped a piece of fish back into his bowl. "You don't know who your roommate is?"

"No," Wei WuXian looked puzzled. "Should I?"

"WeiXiong…. Your roommate is Lan WangJi."

Having Lan WangJi as a roommate was more than slightly humiliating. If it was just some random cultivator, he was more or less fine with the man knowing he read spring books and then did stuff about it. But Lan WangJi? Wei WuXian was quite positive the older boy had never held a dirty thought in his mind. Ever.

Wei WuXian was very glad he was headed out for patrol later that morning. It means that he had at least three days before he had to face Lan WangJi. Three days in which to think about where in the Unclean Realm he could find some privacy. Because obviously, doing it in his room was no longer an option. Not since the scent of sex lingered all day. It wasn't like he needed to do it every day, either. He had no problems keeping his trousers up when on patrol. He just liked reading the spring books and thinking about pretty girls as a way to relax.

Wei WuXian changed his mind about being glad he was going on patrol when he arrived at the departure station. There were five men already there, in Lan blue. One standing off by himself, hand held loosely at the center of his back, looking so ethereal and beautiful. Almost like a painting. Oh, shit, Wei WuXian groaned to himself. Lan XiChen strode up, demanding their attention.

"This is reconnaissance only. Do you understand that? Get in, take a look, and get out. Do not get caught, do not take any chances. If you know how to send a Jin butterfly back, wait until you're safely hidden from the Wen before you do so. Good luck."

Wei WuXian followed the rest of the patrol, staying as far apart from Lan WangJi as possible while still staying with the group. They had walked no more than an hour when one of the men nodded at another. "I'll take the heir up if you'll take the spare." The second man nodded in agreement and dropped back to the Jiang disciple.

"I'll carry you," he said, letting his sword drop into a low flying position. "Do you want to be in front or in back."

"Back, please," Wei WuXian requested. Standing at the front of the sword meant the other man would have to hold onto him. Standing in the back, meant the other way around. And Wei WuXian much preferred to be the one hanging on when he wasn't in control of the sword. Well, he preferred to be the one hanging on in any situation, really. His eyes slid towards the younger jade without any conscious decision. Lan WangJi was a fun person to hang onto…. He got so prissy about it, but not in a Jin-prissy like way. More like a wet cat desperately trying to pretend it hadn't fallen off the pier type of prissiness. It was so funny.

When they landed for a rest a few hours later, Wei WuXian sidled up to Lan WangJi. He was the only other person Wei WuXian knew well in the group. "Not that I wasn't paying attention during your brother's briefing," he said almost idly. "I was listening." He held up three fingers and let his eyes widen to their fullest. It was his attempt at looking his most honest when he wasn't exactly telling the whole truth. "I'm just not sure where we're going to reconnoiter about. Or why you're all in 'look at me!' colors when we're supposed to be skulking around."

That earned him a glare; he just wasn't sure which part it was for. "Indoctrination Bureau."

Wei WuXian waited for a few breaths in case his friend needed a moment to find the rest of his sentence. "Ah, I see. Not my favorite place, you know." Then, supposing that sounded a bit melancholy or weak, he quickly added. "I've never enjoyed the manure part of farming. I enjoy it even less now. Oh, speaking of…. How is your leg? Did it heal properly? It must have, because I haven't seen you limping on it since you arrived at the Unclean Realm. I really can't believe the gall of that Wen Chao making you carry such heavy buckets after breaking your thigh. It suits his character, though, to be cruel like that. I'll just have to add that to his tally for when we torture him to death. Hey! Maybe we should keep him and his brother alive until after we get Jiang Cheng a Core. Then he can whip them with ZiDian a few times for you. Or maybe Jiang Cheng will lend you ZiDian and you can whip them a few times…. Would you like that Lan Zhan? You could even use it to whip Wang LingJiao if you'd like. For trying to ruin MianMian's face…." He grinned again as Lan WangJi's face turned dark. "Are you sure you don't like her?" he teased. "For someone who claims he doesn't like her, you sure get all flustered when I speak her name. I know you said you were never going to marry, but…. She is a pretty girl. And a good cultivator even if she is part of the LanLingJin Sect…. As far as wives go, I think she'd make you a pretty good one. I wouldn't mind marrying her, maybe. Of course, I've got no money and no position… Well, head disciple used to mean something back when we were a proper Sect. Now it just means another soldier in the war effort. So I'm probably very far down on her list of marriageable men. But you're probably high up on it. Even if your brother were to marry and have kids and you were no longer heir, you're still a good match for any young lady. I promise I won't be jealous if you two get married."

"Piss off," Lan WangJi hissed.

Wei WuXian stifled a laugh. "As opposed to piss on? Or piss around? Or piss under? Let me teach you one of Jiang Cheng's favorite swears: fuck you." Wei WuXian quite enjoyed the reaction that swear got. Lan WangJi's face drained of color and his eyes widened just a bit. Almost as if he was scared of something. And then the funniest part happened: his ears started turning bright red. Wei WuXian couldn't hold his laughter in anymore. "Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan! You look so funny with your ears all…" he wiggled his hands around his own ears trying to find the words he needed. Lan WangJi did not stomp away, because he was a Lan and Lans do not stomp, but his walk clearly indicated that this was to be taken as a stomp.

Wei WuXian was still chortling a bit when it was time to resume flying. He stopped when it was made clear upon landing that the Lan disciples had no intention of covering their clothing up. "We're supposed to be spying," he insisted. "There are certain colors you wear when spying at night. Black, dark browns, dark blues. Even dark greens if you're in a forest. Not… this," he waved his hand at their sky blue robes. "Even a blind Wen will see you in that."

"We are Lan," he was told.

"You are hopeless," he whispered. And then threw some talismans at their backs.

"What?" Lan WangJi hissed in anger.

"I'm just keeping you from being killed!" Wei WuXian tried his innocent face again. Considering he had five angry men still staring him down, it didn't work. "Look, the talismans simply blend you into the surroundings. You're still wearing your 'shoot me full of arrows now' blue. You're just harder to see." He was quite proud of these talismans. He'd come up with them one night when Nie HuaiSang was complaining that whenever he tried to steal wine, he was constantly getting caught because of the silver embroidery on all of his clothing. But he didn't want to have to steal a boring robe to go stealing wine in. So the talisman sort of reflected what was around it, allowing the bearer to hide in plain sight. "Just move slowly, and those Wens will never see you coming," he instructed.

The Wens never did see them coming. For two nights, the six allied cultivators skulked around the entire Indoctrination Bureau, counting soldiers, looking at armaments, (disabling said armaments because why not, he was there), poisoning a huge dog like creature (not Wei WuXian's doing, but he very much appreciated whichever of his comrades did this for him). Towards the end of the second night, Wei WuXian found what he was looking for: a spiritual energy pull. He had to kill the guards in that room; there was simply no way to get what he wanted and not kill them. Lan WangJi was looking almost anxious when he returned as the sun was rising.

"Look what I found!" Wei WuXian whispered as loudly as he dared. And pulled Bichen out of a pouch. "I got them all." He pulled the silver sword from its sheath, admiring the slim blade. "You really have the best sword, Lan Zhan! It's so light and perfectly balanced." Resheathing the blade, he ran an admiring hand up and down the hilt and around the pommel. He wasn't paying attention to his fellow skulkers, but it sort of sounded like one of them was in pain; it almost sounded like a moan.

"Give me my sword," Lan Zhan ordered.

Wei WuXian looked up at that; his friend's voice sounded… off. "Let me play with it for a bit," he whined. "You can play with Suibian. It's in the bag."

Lan WangJi lunged for his sword, "Give it to me!" Wei WuXian danced back a few steps.

"No." Wei WuXian danced back a few more steps and pulled the glowing blade out again to begin going through sword forms. "You really do have a nice blade! Nice and long, but not overly thick. It feels so nice in my hand." There was another one of those weird moaning/groaning sounds, but he ignored it. He was halfway through his set when he heard another unusual noise.

"Wei Ying." It was Lan Zhan, of course; he sounded really odd. Wei WuXian stopped playing around to see his friend pulling on Suibian. He wasn't sure at first what was happening. Lan WangJi had one hand on the hilt and one on the scabbard, and it looked like he was trying to pull them apart. It also kind of looked like the blade was glued to the scabbard. "It's sealed," he heard.

"Nonsense," Wei WuXian scoffed. "Only exceptionally strong cultivator's swords seal themselves while their owner is alive. Most cultivator's swords can't even seal themselves when their owner is dead."

"It's sealed," Lan Zhan insisted and handed the sword to the man standing nearest to him. Who also failed to unsheathe the blade.

"I'm only seventeen," Wei WuXian insisted as his compatriots started looking at him strangely. Well, other than Lan Zhan who looked as stoney faced as he always was. He mentally called Suibian to his hand; the hilt landed in one hand while the scabbard landed in the crook of his arm (that hand still held Bichen).

The trip back was even quieter than the trip out. Lan WangJi, of course, didn't talk at all. But his fellow Lan had been known to say a sentence or two while flying.

It wasn't that Wei WuXian was being modest by dening Suibian was capable of sealing itself. 'Modest' really wasn't a part of his vocabulary. He knew he was a good cultivator and swordsman. He knew he was better than most people even ten years his senior. He couldn't recite the names of the Jiang ancestors for the last fifteen generations or explain exactly how one clan was related to another via marriage or treaty, and he definitely couldn't recite the Wen Doctrine other than the half dozen phrases that struck him as especially funny given the actions of the current Wen family. He couldn't even name the sects of all the sect leaders residing in the Unclean Realm, never mind their names. (He could, unfortunately, recite almost the entire three thousand rules of the GusuLan Sect in order.)

He knew his strengths (talismans), his weaknesses (people), and his obligations. He had people who liked him and people who didn't, and while he was eager to increase the former, he had no opinions about changing the minds of the latter.

Even with all that, Wei WuXian had never even dreamed of himself as being strong enough or having a sufficient bond with Suibian that it would seal itself. Because regardless of how good he was, he was, after all, only seventeen.

Apparently someone talked. Wei WuXian slunk into the strategy meeting, late, the next morning. Exhausted and hung over, he just wanted to sit (and sneak not so occasional peeks at Lan Zhan?) and sleep with his eyes open. However, no sooner had he slumped onto his mat than Lan XiChen held up some talisman papers and asked him to explain what they were. Instead of sleeping, he was forced to show the Sect leaders just how to write the talisman and show them how they worked. The only good part was using Lan Zhan as his model. WIth his light colored clothing, he was easy to spot in the room. With the talisman attached, and how still the man sat, he faded into the background. When finally told to remove the talisman, Lan WangJi was on the complete opposite side of the room.

When that was over, he was instructed to hand over the pouch containing the swords and told to explain himself. "You were supposed to be on a reconnaissance mission," Jiang WanYin scolded even as he clutched Sandu to his chest. "What the Hell were you doing going after these?"

Wei WuXian shifted a bit. "I wasn't looking for them, really. I mean, I knew they were there, obviously. And it would have been really nice to just find them. But I wasn't looking." Not true in the least bit. He held up three fingers and did his eyes widening trick. Nie MingJue and Lan XiChen and most of the Sect leaders appeared to be buying his innocent look; Jiang WanYin's eyes were narrowed in disbelief, and so were Lan QiRen's. "I was skulking down a corridor," true, "when I heard a noise." Also true. "There were some Wen cultivators having a mock sword fight." Not exactly true; it wasn't mock. One had stolen something from the other. "So I sort of went into the room to see what was going on and saw them fighting with Suihua and some other sword. I saw Suibian lying there on the floor and Bichen and Sandu, so I figured I'd just sort of grab them on my way out. Of course, I had to get rid of the guards first, so I did." True. "And then I had to put a 'go away' spell on the room so their bodies wouldn't be found for a few days. And then I figured that I might as well put the 'go away' spell on some other random rooms so the Wen would have to spend a few extra days wandering the Indoctrination Bureau making sure they found everything I made them stay away from before they went looking for who put the spells on those rooms in the first place." Also completely true.

Nie MingJue leaned forward. "What is a 'go away' spell?"

Wei WuXian looked puzzled. "Exactly what I said." When the others' looked as if his explanation was as clear as mud, he sighed. "It's a modification of a confusion spell. Instead of disorienting a person, it makes them avoid the area or a minor sense of 'don't look here, don't come here.' Not enough to make anyone notice they're being manipulated, just a subtle nudge." As his listeners' faces grew excited over this, he cocked his head to the side. "Did none of you have a 'go away' spell? How else did you keep your parents and siblings from touching your... treasures?" He really wanted to say 'porn', but left it as 'treasures' since Lan QiRen was already staring daggers at him.

The rest of the morning was spent teaching everyone the 'go away' spell, and then teaching them how to recognize it and disable it. Those last two parts, he was not happy about…. Especially since the spring books he'd borrowed from Nie HuaiSang were currently in his room hidden under that spell and now Lan WangJi knew how to recognize that he was being manipulated into not looking at that corner of the room and how to disable the spell to see what he was hiding. Wei WuXian slumped in his seat and blew his fringe in frustration. Now he was going to have to come up with an even stronger and more subtle 'go away' spell.

hr

A/N:

Dear readers,

Thank you so much for reading this. If my story makes you feel... happy, sad, giggling hysterically, anguish... please let me know in the comments. I love to hear how what I've written affects my readers. (If my story isn't to your taste, please hit the back button and have a great day reading something more enjoyable.) I promise I read every comment, and you give me such a huge grin every time an email comes in.

This story is done; I posted it a while back in AO3 and Wattpad. 15 chapters and an extra. (Speaking of which, if you haven't read my Phoenix Risiing book, there are characters I created in the first half that will show up in the extra.) I'm going to post a chapter a day (minus weekends, probably) here.

- Aitch.