Episode 2: A Study in Turnabout
Part 3: Mind Your Manors
July 10th, 3:25 PM
Casa Tigre - Master Bedroom
With Tooth & Claw already gone and Kyle likely to soon follow, Delilah was starting to feel a bit rushed.
Such was her only excuse for why she was still here, banging on Lady Tigre's bathroom door like a mad possum. Which she was, but not in the crazy way.
"Come on, Lady Tigreeeeee!" she pleaded, practically clinging to the doorframe. "We just wanna ask you a few questions!"
Maybe slightly in the crazy way.
"G-Go away!" the feline commanded. "I have had quite enough questions today and I just want this nightmare to be over!"
"Give it up, Delilah," Eric advised. "She's not going to talk to us right now."
"But if she won't, then who will?!"
Thundering footsteps approached them from behind, accompanied by an equally booming voice. "Are you three bothering Lady Tigre?"
Both attributes belonged to a towering sun bear, so large that he barely fit in a room built for tigers. So large that his black suit was compromised in several spots by bits of brown fluff that simply refused to be held back. They could only pray that his temperament was more restrained than his uniform as he stared down at them, crossing his arms firmly.
Millie swallowed hard. "Oh, that's a big boy…"
Eric barely managed to keep composed himself. "H-Hello, good fellow. No, there's no problem here. We were just… Delilah, why are you showing him your attorney's badge?"
"I-I don't know!" she yelled, just boldly holding out the badge in front of her as if it were a real shield and not merely a symbolic one.
"Well, it is proof of our profession. Better that than—"
She abruptly seized up, clutching the badge to her heart and falling to the floor, completely stiff.
"Oh bugger."
The bear did not look amused. He gave a deep frown, eyes narrowing on the collapsed possum until…
"Oh my god!" he wailed, falling to his knees and pulling Delilah into his arms. "Not another one! Why must death follow me like a curse?! WHYYYYYYYY?!"
Eric and Millie shared a look.
To be fair, Delilah was selling it for all it was worth. Her tongue was hanging out, her eyes were glazed over, and a stray fly buzzed around her head.
Then she popped up. "Woooow, you are so soft and fluffy!"
The bear let out a cry of distress and fell back. "Zombie!"
"Possum," Eric corrected, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh..." He slowly stood back up. "Sorry about that. I really didn't mean to scare you."
Any intimidation factor he'd been going for was long gone. He looked less like a trained bodyguard and more like a guilty cub sitting in the principal's office after getting in a fight.
"No worries!" Delilah assured. "Happens to everyone."
Millie whispered to Eric. "Does it?"
"So you guys are Monty's lawyers then?" the bear asked. "That's pretty brave of you. Not a lot of us here have much faith in his innocence."
Delilah frowned. "Because he was caught wielding the bloody murder weapon?"
"That, and the first thing he said was 'Welp, you caught me. I stabbed the bastard but good'."
(Yeah, that checks out.) "We're looking into it now. Maybe you could help. You were the one who delivered the food cart to Lord Tigre's study, right?"
He immediately looked guilty again, and a button on his suit popped to allow a tuft of fur to poke out. "Um, t-that's right." He quickly refastened it, only for another one to pop open, beginning an endless cycle. "My name is Sunny Urshine, official bodyguard of the Tigre family. Though I doubt that's a title I'll get to use much longer…"
"From what we've heard of Lord Tigre," Eric said dryly, "his eventual murder may have been unavoidable."
"Oh, no, he's really a swell guy once you get to know him."
"A shame we won't then."
"Who told you to deliver the wine?" Delilah asked. (Maybe there's some secret accomplice who really did murder him.)
"Monty," Sunny replied helpfully.
(...Tarnation.)
"He said he had some errands to run, but that Lord Tigre wanted some wine delivered when he was done working," Sunny recalled. "I went and knocked, but he didn't answer. So I unlocked the door, brought the cart in, left it, and locked the door again. This was around 3:30."
"You said he didn't answer," Delilah noted. "How did he look when you entered the room?"
"He was at his desk, facing away. It's normal for him to give me the cold shoulder like that."
(Yeah, he sure sounds like a swell guy.) "So he maybe could've been dead already?"
He was nice enough to at least think it over for a second before shaking his head. "I'm afraid that's not likely. I'm the only one with a key to that room." He gasped. "Y-You don't think I did it, do you?! I-I-I could never! Please believe meeeeeeeee!" He fell to his paws and knees, sobbing uncontrollably.
He was still taller than them. Delilah patted him on the side because she couldn't reach his back. "There, there. We just wanted to clarify. We're not accusing you."
"Oh." He sniffled, getting back up and wiping his eyes with a handkerchief like nothing happened. "Anyway, yes, I have the only key. I had to open the room up just to let Lord Tigre in. He can be pretty reclusive like that. The study was like his private sanctuary."
(And now it's the hottest room in the house. Monty sure trampled all over his privacy. Literally.) Still, it seemed he may have gotten his locked-room mystery after all. "So you delivered the wine. What did you do then?"
"My job," he replied simply, standing up straight again. "I stood outside that door and didn't budge an inch. Up until Monty was caught with that knife anyway. After that, we all entered the room and that's when we saw what happened." He looked close to bursting into tears all over again. "I know I'm terrible at my job, but I was really trying my best! I knew Lord Tigre was going to fire all of us. I don't know why, but I wanted to stay in his good graces as much as I could."
"I know you feel bad, but maybe you can still do right by him," Eric offered. "By helping to uncover the truth behind his murder. Now, you're sure that no one else got in before then?"
"Positive," he confirmed. "By my former honor as a former bodyguard."
Delilah mentally shrugged. (I guess that kind of honor is the best we're gonna get.)
Sunny's Testimony added to the Court Record
"Chef Humphrey was pretty close with Monty," Sunny pondered. "Maybe he could tell you something useful if you wanna save him." He still looked rather sullen over the whole thing.
Delilah gave him a hug. It only went up to his knee, but it was hard to resist when he was so fluffy. "Thanks, big guy. You take a break and try to feel better, okay?"
He managed a small smile. "Yeah. Thank you."
They left him there to try and cope, closing the door behind them.
"Alright, so that's one servant down," Delilah noted out in the hall. "Let's hit up that chef next. According to the map, which I am only referring to for convenience, the kitchen is back on the first floor, through the dining room. I'm guessing we'll find him there."
They headed down the large central staircase, finding it abundantly clear that it was not meant to be traversed by mammals of their size. But Monty had managed it for years, so they'd just have to deal.
That was becoming something of a running theme.
3:46 PM
Casa Tigre - Kitchen
To the left of the entranceway, across from the crime scene, they entered the dining room. It was of a rectangular shape and taken up mostly by a long table in the center, comfortably fitting many more mammals than it needed to. All of it was appropriately decked out of course, but they were more interested in the room at the back.
Shoving open the usual big swinging double doors to get inside, they were immediately impressed by how clean and polished the place was. And by the commanding presence of a tall, two-humped camel chef loudly chopping away at something on a board, his back to them. Oddly, there appeared to be some kind of hanging wooden cabinet between them.
"Hold on, lemme put my deductive skills to the test," Delilah said. She stuck a finger to her chin and held it there for a moment, then pointed it at the chef. "That's Humphrey."
"Now Delilah, we shouldn't assume somebody's species based purely on their name," Eric chided. "There could be more than one chef here."
"Yo, Chef Humphrey!" Millie greeted, standing on her tiptoes and barely reaching his tail, which she proceeded to flick like a dinner bell.
His knife fell especially hard onto the board as he whirled around to face them. "Yes? What is it? I'm quite busy here!" He had a strange accent they couldn't quite identify, except that it was most likely fake.
The young camel chef was dressed in the expected white garb and hat, but that was where the expectedness ended. The 'hanging cabinet' they'd spotted before was in fact affixed to his humps like a royal litter, though the weight didn't seem to bother him at all. He had some weight in the front as well, meaning he had likely been victim to less flattering versions of the 'three-humped camel' joke.
"Millie!" Eric scolded, pulling her away. "We're so sorry to bother you, sir. You see, we're Mr. Gosland's lawyers."
"Ah. Yes. That little fruitcake." He returned to chopping up a sweet potato. "I thought that pair from before were defending him."
"It's a long story," Delilah interjected. "Think you could answer a few questions for us? Then we'll get out of your humps."
"I suppose. Though I know very little," Humphrey admitted. He slid open a drawer on his cabinet and pulled out a large bowl, sweeping the sweet potato slices into it.
"You're aware that Lord Tigre was planning to fire you, right?" Delilah asked.
"I was. Word came down as suddenly as an exploded soufflé." Humphrey removed his hat and flipped it over, shaking the top over the dish as salt trickled out.
(That's one way to keep your condiments close.) "Any idea why?" Delilah picked up some apples from a fruit bowl, juggling them idly.
Humphrey caught one in mid-air, then began chopping it too. "None at all. But he was happy as a perfectly cooked clam when he announced it."
Millie's nose twitched.
"Wait, do clams enjoy being cooked?" Delilah asked. "I wasn't aware they had a masochistic streak."
"I'm trying to say he was being a jerk about it." Humphrey poured the apple slices into the bowl and then held the bottom of his hat over it, using a crank attached to the side to grind out some pepper. "It happened after breakfast that morning, around 8:00. Monty was there, as was most everyone else. Lord Tigre just erupted like a grease fire. Any attempts to douse the situation only made it worse."
"Sunny did know about it too," Eric mused.
"That big creampuff? Of course he did." Humphrey whisked out a whisk from one of his drawers and began to stir. "Guy stuck to Tigre like white on rice. Even helped set the table that morning. Maybe to be helpful, maybe to get in close to the rest of us, I don't know. I'm not the trusting type. Open up that oven, would you?"
Delilah looked up, seeing the handle of an oven above her. Her tail shot up to grab it and yank it open as Humphrey poured the contents of the bowl into a rectangular baking dish and slid it inside. "Thanks."
"Smells pretty good," Millie said, trying to lighten the mood.
"It's just a get-well dish for Lady Tigre," Humphrey replied, leaning back against the counter. The multitude of items inside his cabinet rattled as he moved. "Hardly my best work. Now that breakfast, that was for champions. Not that Lord Tigre appreciated it. He didn't eat a bite."
"What'd you make?" Delilah asked curiously. (And can I get some leftovers?)
"Delishafish!" he said proudly. "It's an exotic seafood dish from overseas, one that requires an absolute master to prepare properly. It would not be an exaggeration to call it one of the greatest feats a chef can perform."
"Yikes. No wonder you were pissed that he didn't even try it. I mean... you did prepare it right, didn't you?"
"Of course I did!" he snapped, slamming a hoof against the counter. He was a bit too close to that knife for comfort. "I'd never serve it to him otherwise! It was difficult, but it didn't take me long to get it down. The guy was just being a rotten apple."
"Didn't take you long?" Delilah asked, pouncing on that slip-up like it really was leftovers. "So you didn't get it right the first time?"
Humphrey let out a muttered curse. "...No, I didn't. One dish was nearly finished before I realized I'd made a mistake. But that dish was set aside and never served! I then prepared a second dish that was done perfectly."
(Not sure if this means anything, but I should make note of it. If only because I kinda wanna try it sometime.)
Delishafish Dish added to the Court Record
"Alright, so we can rule out 'food rage' as the leading factor in his decision," Eric noted. "Is there anyone else who might know more?"
"Monty might," he said with a shrug. "Though I'm guessing you heard about this from him in the first place."
"That would be accurate…"
"And he said nada," Delilah finished.
Millie's nose twitched again.
"Dang. Would've liked to know more myself," Humphrey said, idly opening the oven and peeking inside to check on his dish. "But I suppose it doesn't matter now."
"What do you mean?" Delilah asked.
He closed it again. "Lord Tigre is dead. Thus, those termination papers were never filed, and I doubt Lady Tigre would go through with it after how much she's been hurt already. She'll take full custody of the estate and things will eventually go back to normal. We'll need a new butler, sure, but the rest of us should be okay."
"So what you're saying is…" Eric summarized, "...basically the entire household staff had motive to murder him."
Humphrey's Testimony added to the Court Record
"I guess you could say that," Humphrey admitted. "Of course, that's disregarding the fact that the fly in the soup has already been plucked. Unless you have doubts about Monty's confession?"
"Not… exactly," Delilah answered carefully.
"Ah, so you're looking to cut him a plea deal, like those other lawyers."
(So even they've decided he's guilty? Why am I not surprised?) Delilah resisted the urge to spit on the floor out of spite, as she was pretty sure Humphrey wouldn't appreciate the gesture. "We're just trying to get as much info as we can," she said vaguely. "Like… the knife. He said he stole it from here?"
"That he did," Humphrey confirmed. He turned and opened a compartment on his side to reveal a full knife rack built-in. Blades of many shapes and sizes were arranged in rows, though one was noticeably absent. "This is where he got it from."
"Wow, you must get pretty into your work to not notice someone pickpocket a whole knife from your carry-on kitchen."
He growled, slamming it shut. "Listen, smartass, it wasn't in here at the time. I had it out to work with and he swiped it like a health inspector going after a restaurant certification."
(How suspiciously specific.) "So when did you notice it missing?"
"Just after breakfast, once that whole debacle was over. A little while later, Monty was caught and, well, I found it again. Can't say I appreciate the attempt to frame me, but I'm glad it worked out otherwise. Just hope the ZPD gives it back soon. "
"You want that knife back after it was used to stab someone?"
"Hey, a chef's tools can make or break his performance! After a good scrubbing, it'll be good as new."
(On second thought, remind me never to eat here.)
Kitchen Knife added to the Court Record
"Humphrey!" a voice called.
The speaker was a tigress. She was dressed in a purple corset, black skirt, and fishnet leggings that came down to her ankles. All of her claws had been painted the darkest shade of various colors, and just to complete the image, she had an actual live raven perched on her left shoulder.
(And another player steps onto the stage.) "Um… Hi?"
The visitor had sounded oddly cheerful coming in, contrasting her dour appearance, but seeing the lawyers present quickly set her back to the stereotypical standard. "Oh. We have guests."
"A pleasure to make your acquaintance," Eric said, remaining polite regardless. "We are Mr. Gosland's legal team. And who might you be?"
"Seriously?" She raised an eyebrow. "You don't know?"
"They do seem rather behind compared to those other lawyers," Humphrey said, in a position to literally throw salt in their wounds if he so wished. He addressed them before they could even protest. "This is Lord and Lady Tigre's only daughter, Lara."
"Don't call me Laura," she said.
Eric blinked. "I… wasn't intending to?"
The tigress, who would henceforth not be known as Laura, pulled out a black notebook. It was the digital kind, as was the feather-tipped pen she used to write in it. "So what do you want?"
"Well, we were just finishing up with the chef here," Delilah said. "So could we just ask you a few questions before we—?"
"No."
"…I'm sorry?"
"That ringtailed prosecutor made it pretty clear not to talk to you guys. Isn't that right, Lenore?"
She was about to ask who else had snuck into the room when Lara's raven answered. "Caaaaaw!"
Eric cleared his throat. "Be that as it may, we—"
"Okay, I don't think I'm making this clear. Let me put it another way." Lara looked up at them, her stylus pen tapping rhythmically.
"I'm not in the mood."
"So you'll get nothing from me."
"My lips are now sealed."
They were stunned into silence, broken only by Chef Humphrey clapping his hooves.
"Did you just haiku at us?" Eric asked.
"Gesundheit," Delilah said.
"No, I didn't—"
"ACHOO!" Millie sneezed violently, startling everyone. "Achoo! Achoo!"
"Hey now, no sneezing up my kitchen!" Humphrey scolded. "That's it, all of you out! Out out OUT!"
4:11 PM
Casa Tigre - Dining Room
They were unceremoniously shoved out of the kitchen by the much larger mammals.
Delilah got up and dusted herself off. "Well I never! You guys okay?"
Eric helped Millie up. "I'm no worse for wear. What caused you to sneeze like that, Millie?" He gave her his handkerchief.
She blew her nose into it. "Ugh... The spices in that kitchen. I smelled something really weird a couple of times while we were in there, so I sniffed around to try and find it again."
"What'd it smell like?" Delilah asked.
"Like… sweat, but... spicy I guess?" Millie described. "I dunno what it is, but I'm pretty sure I smelled the same thing on Monty earlier."
"Really now?" Delilah pondered. "Huh... Well, I guess there's no way to find out what it was at the moment. Maybe we can head outside and try to clear our heads?"
"And my sinuses," Millie agreed, sniffling again. "Isn't there supposed to be a gardener around here anyway?"
"Excellent point, Millie," Eric said. "The one who actually witnessed Monty fleeing the scene. Their insight would be invaluable."
Delilah pointed boldly out the window. "Then let's do what all the sorority girls said you needed to do and go touch grass!"
"Your sorority said what about me?"
But Delilah was already heading out. Not through the door. She just flung open the window and leapt outside whilst screaming "FREEEEEEDOOOOOOOWWW!"
Eric sighed. "This is one time I won't be following her lead. Let's go help her."
4:20 PM
Casa Tigre - Garden
They found Delilah laying on the ground outside the window, in front of the truly massive wall of thorns that seemed to encompass the entire building like a spiky moat. She had paid the price for her hubris and was now busily picking thorns out of fur and fabric. Thankfully, she didn't seem to have wounded anything other than her pride.
"Yeeeeeah, you gotta be careful with those things," said a slurred voice as they realized she wasn't alone.
The cheetah standing over her was dressed in a full gardening outfit with a thick jacket, pants, and rubber boots. Atop her head was a wide-brimmed hat that her ears poked through, which also concealed most of her face.
"Excuse me? Miss?" Eric asked, given that Delilah was still otherwise occupied. "I take it you're the gardener of these premises?"
"Whoooooa, what? How'd you guess?" She didn't sound like she was being sarcastic. In fact, she barely sounded coherent at all.
The feline turned to face him, yet he still couldn't see her actual face. The hat had a face of its own, fashioned from a pair of button eyes and a stitched-on mouth that made it look remarkably similar to that anime cat face you'd make with a colon and a three. Which was absurd, because no feline he'd ever met had actually made a face like that. "I'm… observant."
"Yeah, totally." She tilted her hat up, letting them all see that she was actually making a face like that. "So you're like… psychics then?"
Delilah wasn't going to miss this opportunity for snark any longer and quickly got back up, extending her paw. "Delilah O'Possum! And this is Eric and Millie. We're Monty's lawyers."
"Lawyers, eh? That's wiiiiiiiild." She spun around and extended a gloved paw as well. "Name's Ria Nepeta. I do the plants."
Delilah stared blankly at her outstretched paw, aimed nowhere near where she was actually standing. (Maybe you should do less of the plants.) "…I'm over here."
"Nyawha?" Ria blinked several times before turning towards her for real. "Whoooooooa! You're like a ninja lawyer! Far out!"
"Riiiiiight... So, uh, you saw Monty at the time of the murder, right?"
"I sure did!" Ria replied. "He was up on the roof, holding a sword!"
"A knife, but close enough."
"With this shimmering red aura of power!"
"Blood, probably."
"Tooootally thought I was just seeing things, but then he started moving around and stuff and it blew my frickin' mind!"
(Only natural that the highest mammal around was the one to spot him.) "What happened then?"
"Monty jumped across to climb down that tree," Ria recalled, pointing to the tree in question. "Then he ran around back."
"There's a back entrance to the servant's quarters on the map," Delilah observed. "He must've been heading there."
"Yeah, totally, I thought the same. So I ran inside to get Sunny. Guy yelled at me for tracking mud, but I gestured wildly at the door to the quarters 'till he got the message. We caught Monty inside, trying to plant the knife." She sighed nostalgically. "I tell ya, what a trip. Feels like it was just yesterday."
"It was yesterday."
"...Whoooooooooooooa!"
(I wonder if this is how Rick feels talking to me.)
Ria's Testimony added to the Court Record
"So that's how he got past the thorns?" Delilah asked, glaring at them like an old foe. "He jumped over to the tree?"
"Yup!" Ria knelt down and started batting around a clump of leaves like a yarn ball. "We've all been on the bad end of those spiky boys a few times. Even me, if you can believe it."
(Somehow I can.) "Somehow I can."
Wall of Thorns added to the Court Record
"Ahem!" Eric cleared his throat to get her attention. "Were you aware of the situation regarding the whole staff being fired?"
"Oh yeah!" A stray thread hung down from her hat, which she swiped at. "I overheard everyone talking about it at breakfast. I don't think they knew I was there though. Kinda like you, Ms. Ninja Lawyer!"
(The chef did mention not everyone was there. Ria must've been working outside at the time.) "I bet you overhear a lot of stuff while on the job, huh?"
"Nyahuh. I go by the windows all the time while mammals are talking. And I hear some craaaaaaazy shit when they think no one's around."
"Is that so?" Delilah leaned in. "Anything about Lord Tigre and why he decided to fire everyone?"
Ria paused, taking a few quick glances back and forth before beckoning them over with a paw. "Okay, so I probably shouldn't talk about this, but I heard allllllllll about it."
"Really?" She leaned in further. (No way. Could THIS actually be the one witness to fill us in?)
"So get this, okay? I heard..."
"Yeah?"
"...that Lord Tigre..."
"Go on."
"...was gonna fire everyone."
Delilah waited, until it became abundantly clear that she'd gotten her hopes up. "Yeah, we just talked about that. We're asking why."
"Oh." Ria blinked a few more times. "I dunno. Ask him."
"He's dead."
"Right. Shiiiiiiiiiiiit."
Delilah was at risk of getting a nasty head injury if she facepalmed any harder.
"Aw, don't feel bad, Ms. Ninja Lawyer!" Ria soothed. She raised a gloved paw for a high four. "You're gonna do great. Gimme some skin!"
Delilah froze.
And then she grinned. "Hang on! I gotta make a phone call!" She scampered away, leaving the cheetah hanging.
"Delilah?" Eric said as he waddled after her. "Who are you calling?"
"Skinner!" Delilah replied while the phone rang. "I made friends with her after Millie's trial."
Eric's hackles raised, knowing exactly what 'making friends' meant to his possum partner. "Delilah, you didn't!"
"Heeeey, guuuurl!" Delilah greeted. "It's Dells!"
"Wow! I didn't think you meant it when you said you'd call me!" Skinner said excitedly.
"'Course I did! I called you right after. You didn't pick up."
"Oops! Sorry, I was wrist-deep in a drunk driver. I keep my phone off during my break."
"Gotta love a gal who's dedicated to her craft," the possum teased. "But listen, as much as I love a good time in the supply closet with a new friend, I actually need your help." She explained the situation in question.
"And you brought me a murder mystery too!" Skinner practically squealed. "I know we're just friends, but you are a gal after my own heart! Show me what you've got. I've been sitting around bored all day since some of the newbies got this case. I've been itching for a look!"
"On it!" Delilah said, turning to their assistant. "Millie?"
The polecat perked up. "Yes?"
"Can I borrow your phone?"
The polecat perked down. "Uh, sure." She handed it over, getting an unwelcome sense of déjà vu.
Still on her own phone, Delilah used a combination of her free hand and her tail to send their pictures over to Skinner. "Okay, so check out this dead guy. I actually did a really good impression earlier if you wanna see sometime…"
She wandered off to chat, leaving Millie to sigh and pace off in the other direction.
"Mill?" Eric asked, following after her. "Is something wrong?"
Millie kept walking, doing a short hop to clap Ria's still-waiting paw along the way. "I just feel like I'm not being helpful enough. I'm not qualified to question witnesses and I can't even figure out this scent thing. I'm like the legal equivalent of a third wheel. The kind that flies off and lands itself in jail half the time."
"We've been on two cases together."
"Exactly!"
"Millie, look at me," he gently put his paws on her shoulders. "You're doing fine. You just started, and so have we. Once we all get used to things, there will be lots more to do and we'll have more need of you than ever. So keep a stiff upper lip, and have patience. Okay?"
She smiled softly. "O-Okay. Thanks, Stuffy."
"You're welcome," Eric said, cheeks warming as he straightened his tie.
The cute moment was interrupted by an evil cackle from Delilah. "I've gooooot iiiiiit!"
Eric turned back to face her, a little concerned after leaving her alone with someone a few notches away from a mad scientist. "You've got what exactly?"
"The answer!" she replied, rubbing her hands gleefully and not helping to ease his concerns. "I've got everything I need to win this duel with Tooth & Claw."
Termination Papers updated in the Court Record
"Wait, what did you just update?"
"The answer!" She cackled again.
Eric looked to Millie. "See? You're not the only one being left out of the loop."
Delilah downright marched them all back to the Justicycle, even taking the front seat. It was getting late and the bike was now the only vehicle left in the driveway.
"Are you certain we're ready?" Eric asked.
"Nothing's ever certain!" Delilah said. "But we're running out of time and it's either this or keep pounding on Lady Tigre's door until Sunny kicks us out!"
The fact that the latter was not the option she chose was deeply unsettling. She had a manic, excited look in her eyes, and would not be listening to reason. "Onwards!"
5:03 PM
Rainforest District - Detention Center
They really had to put the pedal to the metal to make it back before visiting hours ended, which was a shame since they were riding a bicycle and had no such metal to speak of. But they had something even better: a possum with reckless determination and tunnel vision.
"Delilah, no! Not the flowerbed again!"
"It's in our way!"
If the flowers weren't dead already, they certainly would be after that.
They rushed inside, completely bypassing the squirrel receptionist who barely noticed anyway, and charged into the visiting room. "We're here!" Delilah shouted, all three of them panting from exertion and once again covered in dirt.
"We could've changed rooms, you know," said Lila Lilac, leaning casually against the glass separating them and Monty. "But that would hardly be sporting when you're at such a disadvantage already. You do realize that time is nearly up?"
"It ain't… gonna matter," Delilah said, still panting. "I got all… the time I need… to beat you."
Pierce Pierson checked his watch. "Could we make this quick? I have dinner with the mayor in an hour."
"Oh, don't worry about me," Monty said, in such a polite tone that it almost didn't sound sarcastic. "Pretend I'm not here."
"So how exactly are we doing this?" Eric asked.
"How about we engage in a little T&C tradition?" Lilac suggested.
Delilah folded her arms. "I'm listening."
"According to Mr. Gosland, you wish to argue from the stance of his complete innocence, yes?" The skunkette almost seemed amused by the idea. "In that case, let's see if you can defend that stance. We at Tooth & Claw use this exercise to weed out those who lack conviction."
She scoffed. "That's rich, coming from someone trying to settle for a plea deal."
Lilac shook her head. "Tsk, tsk. Fresh out of Remus and already thinking you know your way around the courtroom. You have much to learn, young swamp possum."
"Bitch, you're the one who's getting schooled."
"A-HEM!" Pierson said. "Time crunch. Could we save the playful banter for later?"
"As you wish." Lilac stepped forward, walking to the center of the room with Delilah as everyone else gave them space. Though Monty didn't really have a choice in the matter. "Are you ready to begin?"
"Wait!"
A familiar mouse scurried into the room, carrying above her head a smartphone with the image of an irate vampire bat. "Martina had to take a leak! I can't believe you almost started without me!"
This time, Lucy was in the prison laundry room, sitting on top of a running dryer.
Delilah raised an eyebrow. "You put us through all this and you're late?"
"Don't judge me! I had to get the best seat in the big house!"
"Fair enough." She turned back to her opponent. "Alright. Let's do this."
"You'll regret challenging me with such naïve ideals," Lilac said back. "Engarde!"
The two lawyers stared each other down, blocking out everyone else as the detention center itself faded away. Now it was just them and the white void that set the stage for their legal battle.
Lilac reached up, combing a claw through her white bang before pointing it back at her with a smirk.
Duel of Defencing
X︎ Lilac's Lesson X
"If you wish to defend Mr. Gosland, then show me what you've got," Lilac challenged. "For one, there's the matter of his confession. He does have a clear motive."
Snap
She snapped her fingers loudly, and Delilah could swear she saw the image of a bright white sword materializing above the skunk's head. She certainly knew how to make a point, and she sent the sword flying at her with one.
But Delilah could defend against it. She rubbed her eyes, wondering if she'd been around that gardener too long as her attorney's badge itself grew into a giant shield in response.
Didn't matter. She had a duel to win.
"Maybe he does, but he's not the only one!"
Back off!
The sword struck the shield, which held firmly against it.
"According to Chef Humphrey's testimony, Lord Tigre's death means that the household staff won't be getting sacked anymore. That means any one of them had clear motive to murder him!"
The sword was bounced back, striking Lilac and making her stumble.
But she didn't look at all impressed. "Motive alone is just a third of the triangle, dear. Let's consider the evidence. His footprints were found at the crime scene."
Snap
"And so was his personal lapel pin."
Snap
Two more swords materialized.
"There is no reason to doubt either of these pieces of evidence." She pointed again and the swords came at her.
Delilah stood her ground. "Actually, I'm not so sure about that."
Back off!
The shield pivoted quickly back and forth, deflecting one sword and blocking the other.
"The ashtray is suspicious! Monty left a trail of footprints as he made his escape, but isn't that strange? He could've only spilled those ashes while he was climbing up onto the desk, but then the trail wouldn't have started on the floor. Lord Tigre died almost instantly and was found with his arms folded beneath his head. So who spilled those ashes? It had to have been someone else!"
The sword went flying back at Lilac.
I think not!
It was quickly blocked by another sword, caught in a stalemate.
Delilah was caught off-guard, in more ways than one. "You… stink not?"
"That is not what I said!" Lilac snapped, quickly regaining her composure. "Anyway, there is another point that Mr. Gosland could have spilled the ashes: while stabbing Lord Tigre. He was close enough to the desk at that time, and clumsy enough to cause collateral damage."
"He mentioned nothing of the sort!"
"If he had noticed it, he wouldn't have left such an obvious trail in the first place," she countered. "Regrettably, it's a moot point. You lack compelling evidence that anyone else was even involved."
The two swords continued to struggle against each other, but Delilah's was getting pushed back. She couldn't deny that her client was indeed that much of a klutz. But that didn't mean she was out yet.
"Compelling evidence, huh? I think I've got something."
How 'bout this?
Lilac's sword shattered and Delilah's slashed her again.
"We found some weird burnt scraps of something in the fireplace! Monty never mentioned burning anything, and his footprints never went near the fireplace! Lord Tigre could've burnt it, but he didn't have any known reason to, so you can't prove he did. That means it's possible a third party was present!"
The skunk huffed, blowing the bang out of her eye. "Hmph. Going for the 'reasonable doubt' angle, are we?"
"Damn straight. And I'll show you it ain't reasonable to doubt me!"
"We'll see about that. For you have no proof this scrap of yours is even relevant. Regardless of who else may have wished Lord Tigre dead, the fact remains that Mr. Gosland is the only one who could have done the deed. The bodyguard's testimony is proof enough of that. He was standing guard the whole time, and his master key means that no one else could have entered even if he wasn't!"
Snap
A larger sword this time, and it came zipping at her much faster, spinning like a drill.
"No one else could've done it? I disagree!"
Back off!
The sword hit the shield and sparked against it for a few seconds before getting repelled as well, breaking into multiple shards that all pummeled Lilac. "Rrrrrrrrrgh!"
"The bodyguard himself is a suspect under the circumstances! Even if he wasn't, we only have his word that he was guarding the door the entire time and that it was locked! You can't say for certain that no one else could've gotten in!"
"You're a stubborn one, if nothing else," Lilac admitted. "But your defense is lacking one crucial component. Hard evidence. Despite your inexperience, you know as well as I do that evidence is everything, and all of it points to the defendant. By his own words, I might add. Your wild speculation won't hold up in court, and it won't hold up against me!"
Snap
Snap
Snap
Snap
Four swords plowed into Delilah's shield, leaving a noticeable crack.
Delilah grit her teeth in frustration.
"There was but a single wound on the victim: a stab to the back of the neck," Lilac said, with an air of finality. "Mr. Gosland inflicted that wound. This cannot be denied. So long as it remains the cause of death, then Mr. Gosland murdered Lord Tigre. It is as simple as that."
Snap
This time it was a massive hammer, ready to smash right through Delilah's shield.
It really felt like the skunk was just screwing with her at this point, saving the smoking gun for last. But that was just what Delilah had been waiting for.
She grinned through gritted teeth. "Well then, I've got one last piece of evidence to share with you."
This is it!
"The termination papers."
The hammer was stopped cold.
Lilac frowned. "What about them?"
"See, while you were being cocky and lazy, I had a new buddy of mine in the ZPD take a look at the crime scene photos," Delilah explained. "Tell me, if he really died from that stab wound… why isn't there any blood on the papers he was laying on?"
Cracks started to spread up the head of the hammer.
"What?" Her frown deepened. "W-Well, that's obviously because..."
Delilah cut her off before she could even try. "Oh, that was a rhetorical question. I already know the answer. After a mammal's heart stops, the blood flow stops with it. He may bleed a little, but there's nothing left to pump it out. Which means one thing and one thing only." She raised her finger, and pointed sharply back at her. "Lord Tigre was dead BEFORE Monty stabbed him!"
The hammer was shattered completely as the shield itself flew through it, and directly into Lilac.
"Rrrrraaaaaaaaaaaagh!"
Monty jumped as the skunk was flung violently into the glass wall, falling to one knee.
Delilah dusted her hands as all returned to normal. "Not bad for a naïve swamp possum, eh?"
"DING DING DING!" Lucy cheered, the dryer dinging as well. "We have a winner! Delilah O'Posuuuuuuum!"
Lilac glared up at her opponent, her single eye narrowed in rage. "You... little... upstart!" She stood back up, tail flaring and foot stomping. "How dare you show me up like that!"
Pierson's eyes widened and he backed away slowly. "N-Now, Lila. Calm yourself. We don't want a repeat of your surprise party at the office."
"I told you never to mention that again!" She stopped herself, taking a deep breath. "But you're right. There's no need to fret. We have bigger cases to worry about."
Delilah rolled her eyes. (Even when she loses, she acts like she wins.)
"Enjoy your victory for now," Lilac said, her smugness fully restored. "I'll be looking forward to seeing how you perform in court tomorrow. But word of warning: Prosecutor VanDal won't be so lenient."
"I'm counting on it." (Oh shit, I forgot about the actual trial.)
Lilac only gave one last haughty 'Hmph' before brushing past them, Pierson following closely behind. The porcupine stopped for a moment just to glower at them, then made his exit.
"Congrats, Delilah!" Millie exclaimed, hugging her tight. Probably not as tight as she'd hug Eric in this position, but it was welcoming regardless.
"Yes, excellent job," Eric agreed. "You actually managed to beat them at their own game."
"Thanks, guys," she said appreciatively. "But let's not forget that this was all just practice for tomorrow." (Like I did.)
"Glad you remember that!" Lucy said, giving an energetic clap as she hopped back up. "Because I'll be watching you too. Don't ask how, I have my ways. And as someone with a great deal of experience in watching mammals make fools of themselves… try not to! I'm actually rooting for you guys unironically here. Don't make me regret it."
"I'll do my best," Delilah assured.
"And from what I've seen, that's a pretty high bar. Monty!"
Monty sat up straight. "Yes, Miss Sang?"
She got up close to the screen, giving him a one-eyed, stern look. "Behave for the nice lawyers! I had better not hear that you gave them any trouble!"
His face softened a little. "Yes... ma'am. Thank you."
"You're welcome. Anyway, I gotta bounce. Dinner is getting served, and I'll be more damned than I am already if I let that bitch Megan get ahead of me in line again."
The screen turned off.
Martina nodded politely at them. "Thank you for helping my friend and master. I know she's still scary, but she's trying."
Delilah was stunned. Though delivered in a deadpan, that was still the most expressive thing the rodent had said. "You're welcome, little buddy. You be safe. Don't get squished."
"I can make no guarantees."
With that, the mannequinesque mousette scampered off.
Delilah smiled after her. "Adorable. Now then…" She spun on her heel to face Monty. "We need to have a talk, mister."
"And I'm open to one," he said politely, already pouring himself some more tea. "But haven't we already covered everything in our last discussion?"
She took her seat in the chair across from him. "Things have changed."
"Indeed. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I might be innocent after all."
"I'd say 'innocent' is a strong word, and not just about the murder either."
"…I sense something is on your mind," he noted, taking a sip. Something must have been on his mind too, as he forgot to offer them any tea this time.
And Eric didn't even notice. "We spoke to the rest of the staff at Casa Tigre. They all seem to corroborate your story. As did the ZPD."
"Oh? Then what is the problem?"
"They all seemed to know about Lord Tigre's plan to fire the staff," Delilah explained. "None of them would tell us why and maybe they don't even know the reason themselves. And yet, I can't shake the feeling that you do. I think there's more to your motive that you're not telling us."
Monty hesitated for a moment, then took another sip. "I see. And do you have any proof of this claim?"
"No, but I have a polecat."
"Excuse me?"
"THERE IT IS!" Millie shot up onto the desk between them and slammed a tiny paw on the glass. "I knew my nose would pick up that scent again!"
Monty jumped, spilling his tea. He frowned, using a handkerchief in his sleeve to clean his suit off. "Smell what now? What is this business with startling me?"
"You carry the stink of lies!" Millie accused. "That's what that smell is! Some weird little sweat you do when you're hiding something!"
Eric blinked. "Really now? That's quite an impressive nose you have, Millie!"
The polecat went from zealous accuser to blushy mess in less than a second, sliding down the glass like a wet noodle. "Aww, thankies…"
"Are you saying that your assistant can literally smell fear?" Monty asked.
"That depends." Delilah loomed closer, as close as she could get before her own nose hit the glass. "What do you have to be afraid of?"
"I…" In lieu of answering, Monty started rapidly filling and drinking his teacup, downing it like shots.
"You're gonna run out of tea sometime! And when you do…"
She didn't get to finish that sentence as the door behind them opened again, an antelope guard stepping inside. "I'm afraid visiting hours are now closed! I'll have to ask you all to leave."
Monty wasted no time in rushing out the door, even leaving the tea behind. "Oh, isn't that a shame, we'll have to continue this another time, toodaloo!"
Delilah slammed a palm on the table. "Dammit!"
"We had better go," Eric suggested. "We have a trial to prepare for."
Delilah reluctantly nodded. (This isn't over. You can't hide from me forever, dapper noodle.)
To be continued…
Court Record:
Attorney's Badge
This old thing? Well, it does let me do my job, but it mostly just sits in my pocket until I get the sudden urge to flash it at someone for kicks.
T&C Business Card
Those two are really gonna regret hoisting this off on me. I can think of a LOT of uses for a small piece of cardstock that were probably not intended.
Lord Tigre's Autopsy Report
Cause of death believed to be a stab wound to the back of the neck. Estimated time of death is between 3-4 PM. Victim died almost instantly. Bleh, this is some morbid shit even for someone who plays dead.
Crime Scene Photo
Shows Tigre collapsed on his desk as if taking a nap, somewhat undercut by the gaping hole in his neck. The rest of his desk is mostly visible, though the papers right under him are obscured. Side note: Totally a Number 4. Nailed it.
Food Cart
Monty's ticket inside the study, brought there by the bodyguard. Credit where credit is due, that was a pretty clever plan. Shame he mucked it up afterward, but then again we might not have a client otherwise.
Wine Bottle
Brought to Lord Tigre on the cart. Contains a grape wine and is partly empty. Probably an import from Furance based on the label, whatever 'saveur texte saveur' means.
Spilled Ashtray
Found on the floor and stepped in by Monty, leaving a trail of tiny tracks that lead around the desk, up the side, and out the window. Let this be a lesson, kits. Not everyone is cut out to be a murderer.
Termination Papers
Almost no blood was found on them despite being right under Lord Tigre at the time he was stabbed, proving that he was already dead. Suck it, Lilac!
Lapel Pin
Monty's personal possession, that he left at the crime scene because of course he did. Found under Lord Tigre's desk.
Tigre's Gun
I don't care what Rick says, I've read enough mystery novels to know how this goes. You can't fool me, Mr. Conspicuous Firearm!
Burnt Scraps
Scraps of some weird material found in the fireplace. It seems kind of like paper, but doesn't have the right texture. Where the heck did it come from?
Manor Map
A map of Casa Tigre so 'graciously' gifted to us by Kyle. I'm half-tempted to relight the fireplace just to chuck it in, but I bet that's exactly what he WANTS us to do so we're gonna use it anyway! Out of spite!
(Archived under 'Casa Tigre Map' on Berserker88x's Deviantart.)
Delishafish Dish
Apparently this dish is a big deal among rich folks and super hard to make right. Even Chef Humphrey screwed it up on the first attempt. Me, I'll just stick to frozen sushi rolls.
Kitchen Knife
A large and thick steel knife stolen from Humphrey in the kitchen. The murder weapon? Not if Monty's innocent, it ain't! Still worth making note of for obvious reasons.
Wall of Thorns
A spiky ring of pain that surrounds the whole perimeter of Casa Tigre. For when you're just too classy to get a barbed-wire fence. Can confirm: hurts like hell.
Monty's Testimony
According to him, he stole a knife from the kitchen, got smuggled in on a food cart, stabbed Tigre in the neck, and then fled up to the roof with the knife before getting caught. We sadly have little reason to doubt this story, even the dumb parts.
Sunny's Testimony
After delivering the food cart to Lord Tigre's study at around 3:30, on Monty's orders, he locked the door with the master key and stood guard outside until the murder went down. He's kind of a wimp, but he does seem to take his job seriously. Could anyone else have gotten through?
Humphrey's Testimony
Lord Tigre announced that the staff was being fired at breakfast around 8 AM. He doesn't know why, but it (probably) wasn't because he messed up the food. More importantly, Tigre's death just nuked that announcement, giving any of the staff motive for murder.
Ria's Testimony
About the only coherent thing we got out of her, and not without effort. She spotted Monty on the roof after he stabbed Lord Tigre, watching as he climbed down a tree and fled around back to enter through the servant's quarters. She and Sunny caught him inside trying to plant the knife.
Profiles:
Delilah O'Possum
Age: 24
Species: Sassy Possum
Finally, it's my turn to shine! I am gonna rock the hell outta this case and show the world that I can handle murder too! Solving a murder case, I mean. Glad nobody else reads these.
Eric Badge
Age: 24
Species: Stuffy Badger
My best friend and partner in (solving) crime. He can be a bit of a stick in the mud sometimes, but I'm always happy to pull him out of it.
Millie Muskerson
Age: 22
Species: Polecat Who Wants to Tap That
Old friend, old defendant, current intern. Honestly worth the effort of hiring her just to see her make goo-goo eyes at Rick all day, but she's pretty well-organized too. Strikes a good balance between my lack of tidiness and Rick having entirely too much of it.
Lucy Sang
Age: 29
Species: Literally Bloodthirsty Vampire Bat
Okay, I know it's kind of unsettling being hired by an actual ex-murderer, but it's also pretty hardcore. And when you think about it, who better to have your back when solving a murder case, right? Not that I'm planning to let her stand behind me anytime soon.
Martina
Age: 29
Species: Questionably Alive Mouse Girl
Lucy's… friend? Servant? Voodoo zombie slave? Was debating even adding her to this, but I get the impression she doesn't have much in life, so here's to you, Marty!
Monty Gosland
Age: 23
Species: Mongoose That Buttles
Our defendant, for better or for worse. I was really hoping we'd grown enough as a society to avoid such hurtful stereotypes as murderous butlers, so for our sake and society's he had BETTER be innocent.
Lord Dominic Tigre
Age: 40
Species: Dead Tiger
The victim. Apparently big into shooting birds for sport and living in high society. Well, formerly living.
Lila Lilac
Age: 28
Species: Stuck-up Skunkette
One of Tooth & Claw's lawyers. Likes: being a tool. Dislikes: peripheral vision. This isn't the only list she's going on today.
Pierce Pierson
Age: 28
Species: Porcupain
Another Tooth & Claw lawyer and a prick in more ways than one. Seems pretty aggro for a guy who's so into defense.
Sigrid 'Siggy' MacTalon
Age: 25
Species: Wolverine on a Warpath
I really hoped I wouldn't have to add her to this. Let's just say mistakes were made and now this hardass detective kinda hates my guts. It's going to be mentally draining dealing with her, and physically draining if she makes me do any more pushups.
Kyle VanDal
Age: 26
Species: Rival Raccoon
This sly prosecutor is known for his keen eyes and dirty tricks. He even has this fancy nickname, the 'Bullseye Prosecutor'. Back in the day, I just thought he was a dork. Now he's a dork with prestige.
Lady Tigre
Age: 43
Species: Bird-infused Tigress
Don't have much of a read on this one so far, mainly because she won't talk to us. Still, this must be pretty rough on her so I'll cut her some slack.
Lara (Not Laura) Tigre
Age: 19
Species: Teenager
Looks like someone's hit their rebellious phase. Not that I can blame her with what little we know of her dad. No, I'll just blame her for totally blowing us off! Probably the one thing she has in common with Lady Tigre.
Lenore
Age: 6
Species: Poetic Stereotype
Lara's faithful pet raven. Or familiar, just in case she's some kind of sorceress and takes offense. Probably eats telltale hearts or something. I dunno, I'm not into poetry. Or birdology.
Sunny Urshine
Age: 26
Species: Teddy Bear
Lord Tigre's ex-bodyguard, obviously not doing too great right now. He probably wasn't great at his job either. I mean, I feel bad for the guy, but the only threat I've seen him pose so far is trying to hug me to death. Then again, bear hugs ARE a thing. Maybe he's more dangerous than I thought.
Chef Humphrey
Age: 20
Species: Camel 2.0
Gotta admire this guy's commitment to his craft. Or maybe he's some kind of modern kitchen cyborg. Either way, he comes off a bit too pretentious for someone younger than I am. He seems like exactly the type to kick you out of a trash can even though he CLEARLY didn't want that food anyway.
Ria Nepeta
Age: 31
Species: High As a Cat
Casa Tigre's gardener, and she sure 'enjoys' her job. She may be a cheetah, but she's definitely not quick on the uptake. I guess we should be grateful she saw anything of use and it didn't interfere with whatever sensory nightmares she experiences on a daily basis.