A/N: This chapter is somewhat Dawsey focused. I'm not a Dawsey fan - I think they were both bad for each other - I do think they still loved each other at this point in the story. I think Gabby loved Matt more than he loved her, especially at this point when he was developing feelings for Brett, but I think they were both still in love.

Gabby was exhausted. They had just finished the first day of funerals, and she had no idea how she would turn around and do it all over again tomorrow. She wasn't sure she could bear three more days of this, four if she counted the memorial service.

The decision had been made to hold the memorial service for all of the fallen heroes after all of the funerals had concluded. The reason given was that they wanted to ensure there was plenty of time for the city to work on the logistics. They were anticipating firefighters from all over the country would be in attendance for it, as well as numerous citizens of Chicago. This had been one of the deadliest firefighter disasters in the United States, and the second deadliest in Chicago, attracting nationwide media attention.

Gabby had been there when the decision had been made to hold the memorial after the funerals. She knew the real reason it had been delayed: no one expected the four survivors to make it. Boden had made it clear that any memorial service should include all of the fallen, and so the decision to delay it until after the funerals had been made.

As Gabby slowly followed Antonio from Ritter's gravesite to their rental car, she felt her phone buzzing in her hand. Glancing down, she saw Will Halstead's name on the caller ID. She stopped in her tracks, her heart immediately dropped. The contingent from Chicago Med had been unable to attend all three funerals that day and had left after Herrmann's to head to the hospital. She knew there was only one reason Will would be calling her.

"Gabby?" Mills asked, coming up behind her. "What's wrong?"

Gabby shook her head silently, unable to say anything as she answered the phone, lifting it to her ear. "Hello?" she managed to whisper.

"Gabby." Will's voice sounded strained, as though he were fighting back his own tears. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Matt…he passed away about five minutes ago. I'm so sorry."

The phone slipped out of Gabby's hand, hitting the ground with a thud, and she would have fallen had Mills not been there to catch her. A sob escaped her lips and Antonio turned back to her and the questioning look on his face immediately replaced by one of sorrow as he realized what must have happened. He quickly rushed to his sister's side, taking her from Mills and wrapping his arms around her as she sobbed into his chest.

Boden and Donna, who along with Foster, Brett, and Chaplain Sheffield, had been following a little way behind the Dawson siblings and Mills, exchanged a glance. Donna could see the heartbreak on her husband's face as the realization that he would now be saying goodbye to yet another of his firefighters. She slipped her hand into his, squeezing it as they walked towards Gabby and the two men doing their best to comfort her through their own grief.

Brett felt as though someone had stabbed her in the heart. She knew there was only one thing that would cause Gabby to break down like that: Casey was dead. The man who had become one of her closest friends after Gabby's departure, who, if she were being honest with herself, she'd fallen in love with, was dead. She'd known it was inevitable. The moment she saw his body placed on the stretcher; she'd known it would take a miracle for him to survive. But still she'd held out hope. After all, after everything the universe had put them through since that fire, didn't they deserve a miracle?

Kyle tried to wrap his arm around her to comfort her, but she stepped away, brushing him off. It wasn't his arms that she wanted to feel around her in that moment, comforting her. The arms she wanted to hold her would never hold her again. Feeling Foster's eyes on her, she turned to her partner. Foster slipped her arm through Brett's, guiding her to where Boden and Donna now stood with Gabby, Mills, and Antonio.

"Gabby," Brett whispered through her tears. "I'm so sorry."

Gabby turned to look at Brett before holding out her arms. Brett rushed to her former partner, and the two women held each other as they cried, not just for Matt, but for all of those that they had lost. A few moments later, Mills wrapped his arms around the two women, Boden following suit a few moments after that. Together the four wept for their fallen brothers and sister.

Foster stood back with Donna, Antonio, and the chaplain, watching the four friends mourn for those they'd lost. While tragedy had forever bonded her, Brett, and Boden, she felt like an outsider in this moment, not wanting to intrude. She'd barely been at the 51 for nine months; she knew that the pain she felt over the loss of those she'd come to love dulled in comparison to the pain felt by the four people standing in front of her who had known them and loved them for years.

"It's hard, isn't it?" Kyle remarked to her. "Trying to understand what they're feeling. We knew them for so little time. They spent twenty-hour hours every third day living and working beside them for years, not to mention the time they spent together outside of work. I know I'm supposed to know how to help Sylvie, how to help all of them, but instead I feel lost in even knowing where to start."

"There's nothing you can say or do to help them right now," Donna said knowingly, fighting to hold back her own tears. "All you can do is be there to support them. This house…this family, it was something special. They're not just mourning their friends; they're also mourning the loss of that special bond that they shared with them." Donna had heard over and over again from other wives how unique 51 was and how rare it was for a firehouse to be as tight knit as they were. And, because of that, she knew that this tragedy had forever changed Firehouse 51. It was one thing to lose one member, or to have some leave and move away. But to lose nearly the entire house? There was no coming back from that. Firehouse 51 would never be the same again.

When Gabby and Antonio finally returned to the hotel, she went to her room without saying a word to Antonio. She immediately grabbed her suitcase from the closet, unzipping one of the outer pockets and pulling out an envelope that had certainly seen better days. She sank down onto the bed as she ran her fingers over the letters on the back that spelled out her name.

Casey had written this letter to her after Lieutenant Danny Borrelli had been killed in a building collapse. Boden had instructed all of them to write a letter to a loved one in case anything ever happened to them. They were to be kept with their file, so Gabby had been surprised when she'd discovered the envelope in her suitcase while unpacking after her move to Puerto Rico. She'd immediately called Casey, who had told her that he wanted her to have it, and that she would know when the right time was to read it.

The letter had lived in her nightstand drawer for the past couple of years. She'd taken it out multiple times over the years but had never been able to bring herself to open it. The closest she'd come was when she received word that their divorce was finalized, but something had stopped her. When she'd been throwing things into her suitcase for her trip here, the letter had been the first thing she'd packed.

She flipped the envelope over, gently sliding her fingers under the flap, breaking the seal. Inside was a folded piece of paper and she unfolded it, tears clouding her vision as she saw Casey's handwriting covering the page.

Dear Gabby,

I want you to know how much I love you. If you're reading this, it's because I can no longer tell you myself, so I want to make sure you know that. No matter what, I never stopped loving you.

As I write this, I don't know what the future holds for us. I hope with all my heart that it holds years of happiness and love, but if it doesn't, then please know that I never stopped loving you. We're on two different paths right now, and in some ways, I suspect that we always will be. But I hope that we're able to walk those paths side by side for however much time we have.

I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you. You've always known exactly what you wanted and gone after it with your whole heart, no matter what anyone else said and no matter how many sacrifices you had to make. I saw it with your journey to become a firefighter and I'm seeing it again in your journey to become a mom to Louie.

I wish you happiness, Gabby. No matter what happened, I wish for you to be happy. I loved seeing your smile; it was one of the things that made me fall in love with you. I loved being the reason for that smile, and I would hate to be the reason that your smile disappears. So, I wish you a lifetime of smiles and happiness.

You were my miracle, Gabby. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you.

Matt

Gabby sat the letter on the bed beside her before burying her face in her hands and crying. She cried for the life she'd had with Casey and the love that they'd shared. She cried for the love that they'd lost and for the future they'd never gotten to have. She cried all the tears that she hadn't been able to shed when it had become clear that their differences were irreparable and that their paths were separating. Back then, she'd been too afraid to let herself grieve for what she'd lost. She'd convinced herself that the only reason she'd feel grief was if she thought she wasn't doing the right thing. It had taken losing Casey to realize that it was possible to still love him while also knowing that getting a divorce had been the right decision. And it had taken her realizing that for her to allow herself to grieve not just the death of the man she loved, but also the death, nearly three years ago now, of the hopes and dreams they'd once shared.

Once Gabby had cried all the tears she had, she went to the bathroom and splashed water on her face before grabbing her purse and phone. She sent Antonio a quick text to let him know she was going out, not wanting him to worry if he came to check on her later. Until today she'd only left the hospital to come to the hotel to quickly shower and grab a chance of clothes before heading right back. Now that there was no longer a reason for her to be at the hospital, there were a few places that she needed to go.